What Is Your Love Language?

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Your chosen treatment would podcast was starting just seconds. Enjoy sure most of all, thank you for listening and choosing The Truth Podcast Network. This is the Truth Network. So what is your love language. What is that language that you speak or are spoken to that most motivate you. What is a lovely and who in the world would write a book about love languages. Once it right next to write out in his study, Dr. Gary Chapman Dr. Chapman if you have any idea decades ago that this would be an international rage.

Everyone is talking about trying to find her love languages now.

I had no idea stated that would happen if people asked me how to explain the fact that the books been out 30 years now and every year it sells more than the year before. It was up to 20 million copies and people asked me how to explain the essay. The short answer is God. The longer answer is God is all I know, but I think it addresses that deep emotional need that all of us have feel loved and if you're married, the person would most like to love you as your spouse in this book and this concept the love languages helps you effectively communicate to the other person, Dr. Chapman, I was just talking to my wife before coming over here to talk to you and I made the mistake of mentioning that's compelled to talk you and I said honey I don't your lovely words are and I just had it. I just I peg I said you know you like tax service and under that dishwasher. You're just like excited and you like time quality time just being here in out of nowhere Doc out of nowhere. She says well you know I kind like getting gifts and I really like words of encouragement and not just probably for 30 years this woman. I have the gift of vegetation in my wife has a lovely was recurrently Doc, I hope you this being a major wreck in my life. Your is giving you information for the moment, that's really what you need, you know, typically we have one or two of these, it really stands out for a lifetime, but certain situations can change in certain situations. Another love language is more important so she's given you up-to-date information yes it is really something in but it's it's being a student of your spouse.

It's you and you said in an just about all your books I'm holding your most recent book, no I'm thinking this is your most recent book, but since I interviewed you about this book last time. There may be more because your you're right in Quicken.

I can interview Dr. Chapman for this this book latest book, life lessons and lovely witches. What I've learned on my unexpected journey, which I really enjoy this because I've known you and your wife your your uncle Gary and Carolyn and I've known you all my life I've grown up on your ministry but I learned stuff about you in here that you know before this book became this best-selling book and how we languages 57 languages.

Now they tell me so. 57 languages so went on. I don't really confuse folks now there's five love languages but the 57 that gets egg is a little beyond my mind, Dr. Chapman, another bright as knife in the drawer, but that's pretty powerful but think about Doc. There was just there is a us a guy working part time going to school full-time. His wife was working for one of the Old Testament professors as a secretary and he was coming home to drawers left open bank missions you are and organize guy and he your marriage was in trouble early on and so this whole thing comes out of some going on there is no question about that stew. You know when I wrote this book is really my memoirs I did it during the pandemic and I thought you know if I'm ever going to write my memoirs a better do it while I still have a brain okay but yeah Carolyn. I had some real struggles in our marriage.

In the early days of course I knew nothing about love languages.

In fact, I didn't know much about anything. When we got married, and our differences emerged that we disagreed a lot of stuff all couples do. But when you're in love.

You don't think you will but I came down off the high we really struggled. And I think that's probably one thing God used, to give me a passion for wanting to help other couples because I'm empathetic with people when they sit in my office and say we just don't have any hope were just too different. We disagreed about everything we do is argue and I'm empathetic with that and so you know God, I think allowed us to go through that to prepare me to be empathetic with other people who are struggling.

Dr. Chapman, you had that moment when you came home which you talk about was just absolute emancipation in your soul. You said your wife and she kind of maybe kinda responded flippantly but still you said to her, you can leave the doors open all you want you you made a decision at that point time that you work in a lever. You work in a divorce or Juergen a lover like Jesus would love her and that's exactly your words in this book talk about that and talk about that's where a lot of marriages are right now there's a lot of folks struggling and hurting right now they need to come may become that point you're trying to get to that point yet.

I think I stated that that what happened with us is that I realize that there are many things that ultimately I had to accept about my life.

Things that she was not going to change.

I don't know.

She could not change her she would not change, but that was just an example of the drawers and OCC is not a door closer, and I am a door closer, and I would preach to her and tell her how you know this needs to happen and she then responded that sub one day I just thought you know I could close the doors.

He talks about a second to close the drawer and I just went home and told us, and you don't ever have to worry about the doors again. I said from now on I'll close him if you can open them anytime you want to now dislike about closing again.

It's be fine and she said fine Dennis is no big deal there is a big day for me when I accepted some of those things about her that I realize she wasn't on change and this is true in every couple.

There are things that irritate us and in each of us because were different were humans.

All humans have conflicts and some of them we can solve by the person changing but others we have to come to accept those things. But for me it was spiritual thing. Or maybe it was a spiritual thing because I finally said to God, I don't really know what else to do and things are getting any better and that's when a visual image of Jesus on his knees, washing the feet of his disciples came to my mind and I heard God say that's the problem in your marriage. You do not have the attitude of Christ toward your wife hit me like a ton of bricks and after I confessed and for my heart out to God.

I asked him to give me an attitude of serving her and that turn turn things around. When I had the attitude I'm in this relationship to the richer life to serve her and I began to ask how, then, our marriage began to change and eventually she started responded to me in the same way you how can I help you and us so yeah I think that's that's really the heart of what makes marriage a success is both couples but both individuals in the marriage have the attitude of Christ who said I didn't come to be served again to serve and give my life a ransom for others and we have that attitude toward each other we going to have a good marriage.

Dr. Chapman lot of folks may come right back and say what can it be that simple. We didn't all this one admired one pastor say we will either get hysterical or we get historical arguments with our spouses, but the going is that like you counselees couples you've been doing this for a lot longer than than some of us have been alive, not missionary names with Dr. Chapman. That unit is five love languages are trying to keep it. You're trying to keep it simple but going back to Jesus like it there. There is that there's a simple answer but attached is a tough answers one would always want to look in the mirror. That's a tough thing to do for anyone. I think the nature all of us are self-centered and there's a good part of that because it means we take care of ourselves, but it leads us off into approach the whole of life in terms of what am I getting out of this relationship is selfishness. It's the opposite of love. Love is an attitude, not a feeling it's an attitude and attitude that I am in this relationship to enrich your life. Selfishness is also an attitude I'm in this relationship because you're making me happy if you stop making me happy. I'm out of this relationship and that's where the contemporary world is today, but as Christians we see marriage is a covenant before God and in witnesses we say in our ceremonies and we see it as a covenant and we need to find out God's way of making marriage. What is intended because God said about Adam is not good for the guy to be alone and go make him a helper and they will become one flesh.

It speaks of deep deep intimacy and we get our attitude in line with God. We have the attitude of Christ we have that kind of intimacy we share life deeply in every area and marriage is what it was intended to be, you know it deeply satisfying relationship in which each of you are helping the other become the person God intended you to be S Voice of Dr. Gary Chapman, best-selling author, radio host and pastor and speaker and father and grandfather and husband to Carolyn and it's neat that your fate you can talk about your family, your books, Dr. Chapman, your family plays an intricate part of the stuff you write your really flushing out your testimony as your writing about this, especially your most recent book, which is really a memoir life lessons in love linkages by Dr. Gary Chapman. This will tell us a lot more about you than maybe we ever thought maybe more than you ever want to know what I see as I look back over my life is the hand of God. You know we all have plans and we should have plans but those plans would always be held an open hand because God often directs us in ways that we had not planned in the Scriptures even said young man makes his plans but God directs his steps. When I look back on my life. I see the hand of God directing my steps through all these years.

That's the voice of Dr. Gary Chapman will be back with him with another segment on truth talk and will talk more about this new book and will talk about a special event coming to North Carolina to his hometown to his home church that people are already coming from multiple states to see and hear and incurred be encouraged by these love languages.

Stay tuned for truth talk right after this.

Hang on. Did God bring you into a marriage relationship to survive to get by just a struggle through orgy bring you and that marriage to thrive. Dr. Gary Chapman, you spent your ministry, writing, speaking, counseling, college ministry, singles ministry helping people connect in relationships, building relationships. He's a host of up national radio show really international and ease the author of all kinds of books, the one you may note know him. Best Buy is the five love languages. Dr. Chapman thanks for sharing all this wealth of what God taught you with the rest of us is do I think God expects all of us to take whatever gifts we have whatever information we have, and bless the world and that's what I try to do in all of my writing. It's is an overflow what I've learned in the counseling office essentially we would talk about a special event coming up but also your books with Dr. Chapman Ike.

I've got ask this question. Your your passion 80 years old and you're still on it here up in the church, Baptist Church on peace Haven Road. There's your Bible there's all your books. There's your email. You're busier than a B your book is in 57 languages. Your other books are being translated always languages doc you need to just chase that little white ball and just retire you are still ministering still in Congress is what you think Doc is really a webcast at just relax a bit. What you say to people that you, the American dream and all that stuff you know I did officially retire from the church last July after 50 years, the same Certs okay as it is time to get off the payroll funds, but they allow me to keep my office in deep masses that does do a lot of always done and that you are the reason I do is because I love what I'm doing.

I believe it's what God wants me to be doing and somebody asked me to what your bucket list.

We have a bucket… I don't think I have one if you mean I need to go there there there is that I don't know I said it. If you want me to have one. There's only one thing I'd put in and that is I would like to accomplish everything that God has in mind for my life. I've Artie told God if your through and through when you're through him through IV plans other than your plans and delete as long as we live.

God has plans for us and he plugs us and where he knows we should be. So that's what I'm trying to do just live out my life in keeping with his plans docket estate your life, what is it you do that makes you feel most alive. What is the thing that gives gives you more energy of all the stuff you're involved with. Well, you know all of the courses meaningful.

But what I really enjoy. I think more than anything else I do is giving my marriage conference that I deal 15 times a year all over the country under the umbrella of my publisher, Moody publishers, we have a whole day on Saturday 9 o'clock until 330 in which I get to share nearly 5 fundamental things, not just the love languages but a lot of other things that really I think with people attend that conference.

They they will have the tools to have a healthy marriage and always share the gospel and people received Christ. Every Saturday I was in Houston Texas last weekend had four people received Christ. So I enjoyed that because I think you have the same people for a length of time you get to cover more than just one topic and I think that brings me to greater satisfaction. Yes, a lot of times you'll see five love languages in the course to think of your best-selling book, which I strongly recommend and I'm still working through it, even though it's been out sometime.

It still sells more copies every year to documents and 57 languages. Congratulations, thank you. Give God the credit for that.

Not many wonderful will this so so that that the title five love languages, marriage conference, would you do these, you know, like you said all year round to differ all kinds of ways you back out, stadiums, arenas, churches and other places assembly halls.

It's it's it goes deeper than just the love languages you know your you're talking about.

You couldn't Vincent do deep diving into what year with with some things that that's going to get real real quick.

I guess right now we do have one at one of the sessions is on the love languages.

Of course, and that even moment no more than that. In that session, but yeah we have a session. For example, communication, and allow the common struggles and communication you think talking and listening is easy when you have conflicts is not easy and I talk about how do you solve conflicts without arguing because I know couples been married 20 and 30 years and they never learn to solve conflicts.

They argue semi-walks out and slams the door and that one goes under the rug. You know, and we just we build walls between us because we don't know how to solve conflicts and that we talk about you know if you wanted to have a better marriage would you start most people start the wrong place.

They start the patent you should change you should do this you should do that and eat we don't preach people into a good marriage and we would start at the right place and so we talk about making sex a mutual joy humming. Sex is an important part of marriage and sometimes Christians don't talk about and many people struggle in this area of their marriage so we we deal with that whole issue and and we talk about you know how do you process those things that do irritate you about your spouse.

You fasten the change they don't change maybe you there's a pattern and how you ask how your request, we make requests, not demands, and so would a lot of practical stuff, and in addition to that we have a lot of fun. I really believe you can learn about your laughing and so I don't tell jokes. I do she's realized illustrations, but it's a fun day and really running towards folks who hear this program to join us on April 2, or if your listeners programming course will play this program probably many many times in the future. But this this event April 2, 2022 so for 222 can use that new year here Doc still you can enroll online.

It's at Calvary Baptist Church in North Carolina which is the world headquarters unit where are Truth Network headquarters is in Winston-Salem where I have five kinda grown up. Dr. Chapman served for 50 years, the same church you been in the city, serving at a lot of different places, but it's amazing how God's using United no use to direct Marywood Christian camp, I saw what why did I read this sooner, but but but please sign up@calvarynow.com Calvary now.com for this special marriage conferences, communication, understanding, expressing love, initiating positive change. Making sex a mutual joy how to share the things that bug you, Dr. Chapman, I hear this all the time when I talk to people about marriage. I probably said it people you know get get historically stable 30 years, you haven't changed a bit as I inserted what he said he will adjust just throw that out there. I think there are destroying their marriage. When you throw verbal bombs at your spouse, you're creating a war bombs to always destroy. So one of first things I suggest the papers yet stop throwing bombs at each other in a make request of the person yeah okay so they haven't change for 30 years. Maybe you need to realize they're not going change. Maybe I need to accept that is reality and we are all humans and you never going to have a spouse it's going to do everything the way you want done is never going to happen we have to accept our humanity. So Dr. Gary Chapman last time I interviewed you this book just came out I met you handed me this copy of holding my hand, Sipes. Subsequent to that time I've been able to read it and have been thoroughly encouraged and I want to encourage everyone to get to know you better.

Through this book, the life lessons and love languages. What I've learned on my unexpected journey. You sound like Bilbo Baggins in the hobbit of that expected.

I promise you there's no Dragon. There is no wizard other than this wise man right here in what God is taught you you you you and I can return to a chapter and verse and find you like the 10 Commandments, the five love languages in the Bible, but the principles of Scripture are just deeply embedded here. These are principles that have changed your life. Dr. Chapman what you people expect is the is a look of these love languages for the first time is a is a get to know what you're trying to communicate your weariness for when I get my marriage conferences among were talking about every Saturday I will have people come up and say to me I just want to share with you that book and I got there, the five love lines is that that book saved our marriage. We were thinking and talking divorce and somebody gave us that book and it's like lights came on and we realize how we been missing each other emotionally. All these years and we took the test we discovered our love language we start speaking it are love tanks began to fill up edit it literally saved our marriage. That of course brings me great satisfaction and that's really just the beginning because you've written so much love languages of men love languages in the in the corporate culture and workplace in the marketplace love languages of forgiveness.

We talk about the bitterness that the just binds our souls and that literally is poisoning our hearts from God and others love languages of children of adolescent stock.

This goes a lot deeper.

So really, this conference will will will set goods really light a fire, that God could use to reach a lot of folks once we we find that healing well. I have two desires for people and I say this at the beginning of the conference.

One is I hope that their marriage will be better because they came to the conference marriage is either get better or they get worse, they never stand still some hope their marriage will get better. But secondly, I hope they will find themselves more prepared to help other couples because people turn to their friends and and ask questions about marriage before they ever go to a counselor and sites going to equip them. So I encourage people to your leaders in their church and to care about marriage, in terms of how this can equip me to help other couples. If those two things happen then I'm satisfied dockets. We talk about it. We get mad about it. We get frustrated we attack we fight, we argue, we postpone we procrastinate literally.

This could be a step where you're saying to someone he put your money where your mouth is investing your marriage and show up at this thing you need to reserve a spot in the stone of quick already, but this is an opportunity to do something where you can come and invest in your marriage. This is a covenant relationship something is become trivial in our culture you a lot of folks you know moving in together a lot, you know, couples are not married in a nicely social either all over each other way that's not your wife what you think and so docket we talk about the. The beautiful covenant of marriage. That's a shame and guilt people, but the opportunity to be all your marriage to be only God has to be. I think every marriage can grow it doesn't matter where you are. Every marriage can grow because none of us are perfect, and 60% of the people who come to my conferences have never been to a marriage conference before. This is their first experience to go to Mary's event and they they just trying to work it on their own.

Listen, you can learn a lot of things at a marriage conference not just my confident that other conferences as well and are classes in your church that may be total marriage. If we have an attitude, we want to keep growing. Then a conference like this can be a part of what God uses to help you take the steps that need to be taken to have the kind of marriage you've always wanted to have Dr. Gary Chapman offer the five love languages, author of a bunch other books on the shelves behind me, which I will try to imitate that it would take the rest of her for programs to put this is really cool doctors just so humble you people always ask how we book to be written.

You said your your more bug like this is what I'll just write when God told me to do something you do it and you had no idea you meet author but in those early days. Soon I guess right that's right.

Never ever dreamed that I would be an author. What what I say. I thought if I for the book have no idea and I think that's why God took us through some things in our marriage and then the counseling people through the years and so the books really are just an overflow of that ministry. So sign up for this conference right away. There's still little bit of room left. If the if you're if you're hearing the show in time did to sign up April 2 at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem North Carolina. You can register right there in the website Calvary now.com and hang out with Dr. Gary Chapman for a wonderful beautiful Saturday and you will be blessed. Your marriage will be enriched to be encouraged. Maybe some pre-marriage want to come to your urethritis visits are very relevant. Thank you to get it right. You wrote a book what I what what I wish I knew before I got married and we often have engaged couples who come to the conference fact, we have sent them to single adults who, dishonest like to learn about marriage, everybody's welcome, married or single AO as we wrap up the segment, Dr. Chapman when I was reading your book life lessons in love languages. I learned some about you had no idea about that early on in your ministry you felt a tug from the Lord to possibly go to Nigeria and to train, equip pastors and teachers seminary over there because you have the academic credentials do that you've taught is a similar level in the higher education level university level and then because of some. I believe some health issues and some other things, what with your your your wife the Lord can close that door and then fast-forward.

Decades later, a bunch of books came out came to your house in a box you open them. They were there books in other languages going off the world and your wife made the comment look were going all over the world. After all, just a Full Cir., God wings here. Can you just comment as we wrap up and I was in moments when electoral accounts and labs opening these books of mine that were published in other countries and Karen was crying and I said honey what's wrong and she said nothing's wrong. I just remember we want to be missionaries, and now your books are all over the world to others moments when you realize oh God's plans were bigger than our plans better than our plans so sometimes you you when you're going through experiences you don't understand them and we didn't understand that when we were not allowed to go to Nigeria but years later you look back and realize oh now I understand so many of us go through those Experiences so this remember when you can't see God's hand you trust his heart that what's this happened. He's in control. This is the Truth Network