God's Pattern for Husbands, Part 2

The heart of being the man God desires you to be is to get a grip on the responsibility you have for the physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of your life and your family that where you begin sign with those words sat on Pres. Harry Truman's desk. During his eight years in the Oval Office and the motto symbolized his leadership style. As Truman explained more than once those words meant that there is no shirking responsibility. Someone has to be held accountable. Certainly a good motto for husbands to follow and it's a biblical one. As you'll see today on grace to you. John MacArthur is continuing his fulfilled family study by focusing on the leadership responsibilities that God has given to men in the home. So take your Bible and turn to the book of Ephesians as John begins today's lesson turn your Bible to Ephesians chapter 5 Ephesians chapter 5.

Starting in verse 25 we have direct instruction to husbands by God's design by God's will, clearly expressed in Scripture. The man is the head of the household.

He is the leader. He is the one responsible for the success of the marriage success of the family. The well-being of everyone involved. So say what we must and we must say it about the women's liberation movement say what we must and will say about feminism and its agenda say what we will about the satanic assault on the proper role of a woman. We also cannot ignore the issue of meal. Your responsibility, the issue of mail liberation, which, perhaps, in the end is even more devastating would seem to me that feminism would have a much tougher time surviving, let alone gaining ground in a world where men understood their responsibility clearly, we are asking the question today and it's a question that all of us ponder where are the strong husbands were on the loyal, loving, leading husbands and fathers, where are those men who are the backbone.

The solid framework of structure on which you can build a marriage and build a family and build a society. Men develop their own agendas their own goals, pursuing their own achievements living in worlds. For the most part isolated completely from the family out of the house pursuing personal goals active in their own world of business and passive largely in the home. They are in their world aggressive doers and problem solvers, coming up with all kinds of innovative and inventive ways to make money seeking promotion prestige and respect from the strangers in their other world. They are driven to achieve in the home for the most part they appear passive in different and irresponsible. Listen to this letter. The kids are in bed is nothing on TV tonight. I asked my husband if you mind if I turn off the tube. He grunts as I walked to the set. My mind is racing maybe just maybe tonight we'll talk.

I mean have a conversation that consists of more than my usual question with his mumbled one word answer, or more accurately, no answer at all and I interject something.

He dare not do at work. If he wishes to climb the ladder of success.

She goes on silence.

I live in a world with continuous noise, but between him and me. Silence please. Oh God, let him open up. I initiate once again for the thousandth time. My heart pounds, oh how can I worded this time. What can I say that will open the door to just talk I don't have to have a deep meaningful conversation just something as I open my mouth goes on. He gets up and goes to the bedroom. The door closes behind them. The light showing under the door. Gives way to darkness and so does my hope. I sit alone on the couch. My heart begins to ache. I'm tired of being alone.

Hey I married, I have been for years. Why do I sit alone sadness undergoes a change slowly. Then with increased fervor.

I get mad I am mad I'm sick and tired of living with a sissy, a wimp, a coward, you know, is afraid of me hostile you say you better believe it. I'm sick and tired of living in a world of passive men. She continues to letter my two sons like sports pretty good. It could be a lot better if their dad would take a little of his precious time and play catch with them. I'm sorry catch once a year at the church picnic doesn't quite make the boys integrate ballplayers, but that's too busy he's at work he's at the health club is writing is four wheelers working on the cars playing golf, he's tired, he's watching the movie. So who played catch with the boys me. My husband says you shouldn't be playing men's sports so who's going to do it.

He says he will. But he doesn't remember he's too busy satisfying himself doing what he likes, so my poor sons have to be second-rate in sports. They could've been good. Really good. I daughter's a teenager, she likes boys and they notice her. They pay attention to her, she responds I know what's coming. I try to talk to her, but it's not me.

She wants, it's dad. Yeah, dad, if you just hug her notice her talk to her just a little. She would need those boys so much. But no, so she turns elsewhere for attention and love and there's really nothing I can do.

Mom is not enough. Kids need a father and not just a body of passive, silent presence.

And here's the killer my husband's father did the same number on him didn't hug him. Didn't take them do anything, let alone watches baseball games and he hates his father.

Now my husband is doing the same thing, and she goes on with a few words and ends the letter she paints a very individual scene, but it's not an uncommon one as it it just feels like those are kind of things that all of us know our experience by women, we can explain those things sociologically, but that's really only a force that's really only a pressure that's really only a venue of temptation.

That's really not the explanation. The explanation for the breakdown of male leadership is the fact that men no longer obey the word of God. In fact, throughout our society. Most men have no idea what it says and when they find out they're not interested in following.

There are so many passive and indifferent and weak men in the home who out there in the world are strong and aggressive when it comes to their families. They have abandoned the responsibility to their wives. They have forfeited their character. They have really forfeited their manhood.

They have abandoned their leadership. Therefore, their marriage forfeits the ideal sodas. The family what you expect but chaos working we start working. We pick up the pieces of all of this money for Christian men. We have to start here the heart of being the man God desires you to be is to get a grip on the responsibility you have for the physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of your wife and your family. That's where you begin moral and spiritual leadership as well as emotional and physical security strength and protection lifelong provision and support. That is what meal headship is all about. It's not something mystical. It's something very practical and if we're ever going to get back men in leadership. It's going to begin in the home it's going to begin when men take their responsibility given by God. Christian men for the physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of their wives and families far more important than that, you have some kind of success in your career.

Even with a view toward having a good testimony far more important that you express the unique role that you have as a man. First of all, in your own home over in first Peter if I might remind you first Peter 37 look at it for just a moment because I want to incorporate this text because I think it's a rich one. Here you have a command to husband's verse seven first Peter three you husband. Likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way as with the weaker vessel, since she is a woman and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. This spells out a dimension of that love.

That's very important.

Your love means to live with your wife in an understanding way understand her.

That is to be considerate, not harsh domination, gracious, respectful understanding.

You are to understand God's plan and purpose for marriage. You are to understand your wife's needs, desires, longings and frustrations. You are to understand her strengths and her weaknesses and you are under to understand how to please God by honoring her as a fellow Christian, a fellow heir of the grace of life and when you do that is a great reward. Your prayers are not hindered. So this love involves understanding understanding everything about her treating her with consideration, bringing strength to her weakness, providing leadership, but getting more specific about that love we go back to Ephesians chapter 5 and Paul says, first of all, it is a sacrificial love.

Look at it in verse 25 it is, as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. It is a love that knows no tyranny, only sacrifice is alive that does not exalt itself, but humbles itself, as evidenced by the great self giving of Jesus Christ for unworthy sinners who were his chosen bride standard is the set for this love from husband's even if it is undeserved is given lavishly and sacrificially. Second, we saw last time. It is a purifying love versus 26 and 27 Christ loved the church enough to sanctify her. Verse 26 to cleanse her by the washing of water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless you are to love your wife in such a way that you you work toward her godliness is a love that sacrifices. It is a love that purifies. In other words, it's a spiritually uplifting love.

It's a spiritually beneficial loved it has the effect of making her more holy of leading her to the place where you allow her full beauty to shine the beauty of a woman is not external.

The beauty of a woman is internal. It is her glory that shines through her work of God in her heart. Man looks on the outward appearance, God looks on the heart. The Bible says women don't be concerned about adorning the outside but adorn your heart husband. It is your responsibility to sacrifice yourself to meet her needs. It is your responsibility to lead her to ever increasing virtue.

Your goal is to give your life on her behalf and to lead her to godliness and virtue that she should be holy and blameless, even as Christ endeavors leaders church.

Thirdly, it is a caring love is a caring love verse 28 so husbands ought oh so to love their own wives as their own bodies. He loves his own wife loves himself, not what does it mean to love your wife is your own body parts is the very simple concept we take care of our own body.

We care for. If it's sick. We put it down in bed so it can get better if it's hungry we feed it if it's Thursday we give it to drink if it's disheveled we clean it. We take care of it, feeding, clothing, comforting, whatever. And that's the essence of this. The issue here is to give attention to meeting needs to being concerned to fulfill each requirement with great alacrity, great speed and great devotion.

We are called to treat our wives with the same preoccupation we give to ourselves unnoticed on verse 31 that you compare this verse very important for this cause escorting obviously from back in Genesis chapter 2 for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh, not just bring it in. At this point because I will make a single point out that when you got married you became one you became one so in a sense, you are one body, and back then in verse 28 when he says you are to love your wives as your own bodies you want to remember this that when you got married you became one body and of her needs are met your needs are met. If her needs are not met.

Believe me, your needs will be met, either you give her the same care you give yourself you take care of her as if she were you because you are wanting an indivisible oneness is that not when you were married you became one flesh.

If you want real happiness in your marriage chair for your wife and all her needs with the same devotion you give to yourself because you are inseparable with little sign that hangs in the kitchen on who gave it to us. It's a good reminder.

It says if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and I'll tell you some right now. That goes for you if you want to be a happy husband.

You have a happy wife right you want to be fulfilled. Husband you have a fulfilled life.

You want real happiness in your marriage then treat her as you treat yourself.

You could even embellish that a little bit and say this since she is a Christian. Remember that she's not just one with you, but she's one with Christ as well.

Careful how you treat her.

Remember Matthew 18. One of these little ones who believe in me. If you lead them into sin, lead her into sin to be better off a millstone hang around her neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. If you cause your spouse to send you be better off dead you lead them to holiness. In that same 18 chapter Jesus says you are to receive these little ones in my name and you're receiving me you're not to look down on them. Treat them with disrespect your to guard them and protect them. That's that's even a compounding responsibility in marriage. She is one with you man and salvation. She is one with Christ, therefore, you are bound together with him. He comes to you through her. How you treat her is how you treat him if you don't love your wife in a caring way. You don't know how to take care of yourself appropriately, because you're going to be miserable, you're going to be miserable. So in verse 28. We are to love our wives as our own bodies and that's exactly how Christ loves his church the end of verse 29, as Christ also does the church. Verse 29 since no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, and she is your flesh. You are one flesh, and you must take care of her as yourself. That's how Christ cares for his church. He meets the church's needs. In John 14 verses 13 and 14 we read this, whatever you ask in my name, Jesus said, that will I do that the father may be glorified in the sun. If you ask me anything in my name I will do it.

That's the Lord Jesus saying to his people.

I will meet your needs.

It's repeated again in different words. Philippians 419 my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus, God will meet all your needs. Through Jesus Christ. God says seek first the kingdom, and all these things shall be added.

He meets all our needs not all our wants.

But all our needs. Men we are the providers we are the protectors where the preservers where the resources for our wives and our families and that is our responsibility and when their needs are met.

We care for them as we would care for ourselves, then we have the kind of relationship God wants us to have back to Ephesians chapter 5 again. Verse 29 which we commented briefly on I just wanted to be a little more specific bosses. No one ever hated his own flesh, and it is not normal to hate yourself. You take care of yourself. That's normal you take care of yourself with great concern and great care and that is precisely the way you are to take care of your spouse. Nobody hates his own flesh to nourish it you cherish it, just as Christ also does the church so you want your marriage to be blessed. You take care of your wife when you know she has a need you seek to meet when you know she has a secret longing in her heart. And it's certainly reasonable and will add to her virtue and her well-being and her happiness and her ability to fulfill her role you do everything you can to meet that need. Something is seriously wrong when a man sees his wife as a cook in a clothes washer and a babysitter in a sex partner and that's it.

Something is seriously wrong when he puts her in the place of the breadwinner. She is a God-given treasure to be cared for to be cherished to be nourished to be your loving helper to fulfill your need for companionship for the fulfillment of physical desire for the fulfillment of lob in partnership and friendship and to produce children in our home was those two terms nourish and cherish in verse 29. Nourish means to feed Eric Crespo it's it's a word used primarily of bringing up children choose over in chapter 6, verse four where it says bring them up we think about bringing up our children.

We think about nourishing the feeding, developing and nurturing our children what do we think of that with regard to our lives.

I think most men just disregard that responsibility. See the wife is responsible for the kids and go charging out into their own world. We are responsible to nourish her, so she and her marvelous role can effectively nourish the children as she has been given opportunity in the word cherish literally means a beautiful word to warm with body heat. It sometimes translated to melt.

It means to soften.

It is used. The mother bird who just pulls in all the little baby birds and keeps them all cozy and warm in her feathers it means to provide a nest warrant security but to soften her to a meek and quiet spirit to support her to care for pretty challenging the world in which we live today when women are raised to be tough and independent takes a great man. It takes a tremendous amount of spiritual leadership to soften a woman to warm a woman to melt her down to a meek and quiet spirit to provide a nest and security and strength and warmth. She is not the nourish her. She is not the provider.

Your to do that. That is the man's responsible if a man doesn't do that, according to first Timothy 58 is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever throughout Scripture the man is always the provider as Christ is the provider for his church. That's key we provide, nothing the church provides nothing, we just received Christ provision, protection and preservation. His chair is nourishing is cherishing it comes to us in a sense it's very one-sided. Men we are to provide that in our home. That's John MacArthur he's chancellor of the Masters University in seminary in Southern California and his current studies, the fulfilled family. It's the most in demand series in Greece to use 52 year history. You know, whether were dealing with the passage on the family were the church, or any subject. God's word is relevant for every era, every culture, every demographic group and a prime example of how that works itself out is the MacArthur study Bible and the growth and expansion of the Bible outside the English language. John, I know you're excited about that. Yes it's been amazing and he was back in 1997 that the first MacArthur study Bible came out and I was in English and now is a lot of work for years and years of accumulating all that and really three years of writing all the notes and when it was done I was thinking, boy, this is this is the sum I wouldn't have to do again when wanted to again it's right it's too daunting and yet how amazing it is that God has brought along faithful godly capable translators to take this and put it into Spanish, French, German, Russian, Italian, Arabic, Chinese, and Portuguese. It's just overwhelming to me. In fact, I have a copy of the Arabic MacArthur study Bible right and they have a kind of the tradition toward sacred books. Yes, that it's it's leather but it comes in a beautiful box it's engraved with a box is truly an amazing thing. I keep it on my shelf to remind me to pray for the people in the Arab world, that the gospel will penetrate the darkness and bring them the light so having the MacArthur study Bible and all these languages let me remind the folks out there who speak English.

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