Teach Your Children Well (Part 4 of 4)

The work that's involved in teaching and training our children is not only demanding tough and painful. So how do we deal with parental anxiety when it appears today on Truth for Life. Alastair Begg teaches us how to hold on to God's promises for our children pick up our study in Proverbs 22 six. We spent all morning delineating the way in which we can exasperate our children to give you a number of them both from personal experience. Sadly and from biblical principle I'm going to go through them very quickly because it is not the that the crux of what I wanted drive home this morning we exasperate our children by failing to allow them to be what they are, namely children and we illustrate that when we make irritating or unreasonable demands upon them.

Secondly, by treating them with harshness and cruelty their heavier fragile life's we don't push our weight around.

Thirdly, and obviously by ridiculing them in front of others, especially their peers. Fourthly, by portraying favoritism, displaying favoritism entertaining unhelpful comparisons.

Why can you be like your brother. Why can you be like your sister. She's so sensible you're so stupid fifthly by our failure to express approval even of their apparently small accomplishments sometimes were going to have to give them great approval for small accomplishments because small accomplishments is all they have. We exasperate our children by being arbitrary, in the exercise of discipline so that they never know where they stand.

They don't know whether they're going to get another not going to get it. They don't know if this is the day when they get another don't get and often that emerges from the fact that we ourselves are arbitrary in our own self discipline, so you will never learn.

I will never learn to discipline my children properly unless I learn to discipline myself and if I am arbitrary in the way I deal with sin in my own life then it will it be inevitable that I arbitrary the way I deal with in my children's lives. When my children hear godliness from my mouth and the see wickedness in my life then I point them to heaven but I lead them to hell when they hear godliness out of my mouth and the see wickedness in my life then I point them to have an and I lead them to hell in this respect. Neglect is far better than inconsistency. Far better to do nothing than to make this hodgepodge of it for at least the children will know I'm dealing with absolutely nothing, but when you're dealing with a parent who is one day here in the next day. There whose words and his life are parted by a great and significant divide. The children are completely bamboozled and imitation is a far more powerful principle than memory imitation is a far more powerful principle in memory. Some of us learn better by memory.

Others of his learn better by imitation. I can sit and look at the thing that describes how to put their luggage tag on the bag. I can look at that thing.

July my eyes burn through it like a laser and still I can understand where the jolly thing goes you know that a go around the back was that the front door. I hold it upside out, I give it a suit. She looks at it. Moments done. What's the problem I'm done.

That's the problem. I can't II can do this.

I don't learn so well in this way, but the fact of the matter is I learned to hit a golf ball by imitation by a book.

I learned to walk by imitation. I learned across my legs in a seat similar. My father dies by imitation, and for those of you been apprenticed in any trade most of what you learned. You learn by imitation, then you backed it up with books. Then you backed it up with books for you learned by imitation. How do I get this injection take the things is take the thing put the thing did it it it it it it it it it it is not forget that. Show me how to do it.

Our life speaks so loudly that will never be able to counteract by instruction that we expect our children to memorize. We also exasperate them when we neglect them and we make them feel like an intrusion by seeking to make them achieve our goals rather than their own goals, we exasperate them. Let me tell you what you're going to be soon. Let me tell you how you're going to get there. Let me tell you where you're going to study, let me tell you why this is best for you. Let me do it all for you along with that we exasperate our children by our overprotection of or by withdrawing love from and when these things and other things like them fall into place the results as Paul not only here but in Colossians 3 you can find it in verse 21. The result is that our children become discouraged to become discouraged. So says Paul, I want you to make sure that you do not do this, but let me tell you what you need to do and then you get the word of positive expectation in this concurs with Proverbs 22, six, and we spend the remaining balance of our time right there. What was posted two hours was to bring them up. The Greek verb is X raffle means to nourish or to feed them means to cherish them fondly means to rear them tenderly it means to sustain them spiritually.

These are the things that we are to enforce for our children. The things that the Bible deems important. Their fragile little creatures. Their need for tenderness and security is manifest everywhere. They are like wet cement and there's only a brief opportunity for you to put your hands in the cement you go in and have a coffee and come back and it's too late. That of course is one of the great challenges for as in the pain that some of us feel that we learn that we did about hands in it enough when the cement was wet. Things are become frozen over.

Now we can go back without drills and mechanisms to chip into it all. Not only he says are we to bring them up but we are also to bring them up in the training idea from which we get pedagogue the pedagogy of parenting. The same word you find in Hebrews 1211. This refers to the training which takes place by means of rules, regulations, rewards, and the necessary punishments punishments. Proverbs 1324, Proverbs 2215 spare the rod spoil the child. The issue of whether you can spank your child the Bible is really clear. Yes, you can. Yes, you should.

It's also really clear that when the rod is exercised in tyranny.

It's really wrong that when spanking would take place out of envy and jealousy, malice, pride, anger, scorn is really wrong and the danger is that we neglect one or the other that we become extremists either in relationship to the doing of it or to the neglecting on the excessive use of discipline or the exercise of no discipline at all. Therefore, we have to make sure that in the exercise of discipline we can were careful that we don't do it in a moment of temper that were annoyed that our pride is been injured. We need especially with our children to discriminate between childhood… Childish irresponsibility and willful disobedience.

We don't discipline them for irresponsibility. We discipline them for willful disobedience and we discipline them to subject their will to the right way and to seek to enable their hearts to be purified now as I thought about it in preparation for this morning. Everything about how many spankings did I get is a boy you know you look at me now you say probably a great deal.

I got more readings in school and I got it home, but I think it a lot at home. I think I got enough you can judge that. I don't care for the judge or not I should but that the memorable ones are on hiking hiking. I'd only I can get me on three spankings. I'm sure there were more, but to verify that I can only remember one in particular where I had to bend over the bathtub, which was like a momentous event that the reason for that was because my sister blame it on your sister and it was her fault she was annoying me see the pain in the neck and and I had to deal with her and in dealing with her. I had to catch up but I couldn't catch her and in endeavoring to inflate punishment upon her. II kicked her as she ran away from me in the in the in her posterior and knocked her head into a corner table that explains a great deal about one sister ever since she had a gigantic egg which wouldn't go down. I'm praying down and go down egg because my father's coming home. The egg must go down before he walks in course the egg did not bow down by the pans came down and I got a high now the reason was that he saw in his son.

Something that a little conversation was not about to deal with because as a become a pastor of the flaring temper of the resentful heart of the jealous spirit and Farley is bound up in the heart of that kind of kid and conversations will not drive it far from no matter what the European Court says it had a staggering thought some of us may go to jail in America in the land of the free and the home of the brave for disciplining our children that we may go to jail. In America the land of the free and the home of the brave work exercising the prerogatives that are so clearly hours within the framework of the home. What a world where place when a challenge when in importance to do it God's way. The Bible way and a dead fish can grow with the stream. Now you know just as well that this training is also in the instruction of the Lord North easier from which we get our word in the frantic refers to what we do with the child and what we say to the child. Beware of being nondirective silly stuff about just letting them choose for themselves. The notion is so prevalent that to challenge it is to be regarded with caution. You know, but his foolishness was aptly commented on in an encounter between cell wall and coal reach the wall. The revolutionary fellow told Coleridge that he thought it very unfair to give a child's mind a certain bend before he could choose for itself discourage I showed in my garden covered with weeds. I similar that it's a botanical garden house so I replied that it is not yet come to years of discretion through the weeds and taken the mean advantage of growing everywhere but I could not be so unfair as to prejudice the soil in favor of roses and strawberries. Perfectly understandable in the natural world and transfer that into the world of rearing our children is absolute stupidity is the statistic they came out this week and premarital sex were to happen in our own house is they were really in charge.

We really know what were doing. We haven't got a clue about another interference you know when you let them develop and explore and be themselves.

Now we don't want them to come out with the rows of virginity doing now. We would rather they came out with the weeds of infidelity absolute total stupidity. The fool has said in his heart there is no God.

And from that flows every aberration from God's truth. Let me say this to you as an older man now. This training of Proverbs 22 and Ephesians 6. This training is a work of watchful anxiety that never quits. It's a work of watchful anxiety that never quits. It is painful, it is protracted and it demands everything all of us as parents. While the emphasis here is on dad's parenting is clearly a shared responsibility. Every dad knows that he couldn't do what he supposed to do without the encouragement in the place of his wife. In fact, it's absolutely crucial. But how do we hold on to this. Proverbs 22 six train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. How are we to hold on to this promise. Well, when you read Ecclesiastes it says that our bread that is cast on the waters may not be found until after many days in Ecclesiastes 3 it says that God makes everything beautiful in his time and have a go to.

It says that the revelation of God has attached to it. An appointed time, and that God who works everything out according to the Conforti in conformity to his eternal counseling will promises to fulfill the promises of his word. Think about it. Why do you believe your question because you accepted this promise.

He who comes to me I will in no wise cast out. What are you basing your eternal destiny. The promise of God's word. What is your hope that your children will end up in heaven with you, the promise of God's word and as you go down that road. Sometimes you have to tie yourself to the promise of God's word. You have to bind it around your head and write it on your own God will fill the promise of your word for years my son or he is my daughter.

Apparently they haven't impacted the road, I did what I was supposed to do, but are not on the road. The departed was my assumption. What is my expectation. My expectation is that God will fulfill his word when he's all hello all, 70 years old will she be 60 years old and invited over to our neighbors comes and suddenly at a neighbor's house she listens as the music plays on the stereo and the music on the stereo trigger something in her conscience and her punches are stored and it reminds her of an hourly impression in the early impression takes over the smothering convictions which have squashed our journey all the way through the last 60 years. The sun is out and gone and we pray that his conscience will be disturbed. This pleasures will be better and as a result of the bitterness of some of the fancies that our child has found in their wanderings that suddenly all of that which is being grounded into them. In those early days will come to fruition and bring them to faith that the reminder of the father's house, and the prospect of mercy will bring them back up the road the way the boy comes back on the road, why does he come back on the road.

He comes back of the road because of the prospect of maxi because he knows and put the forgiveness that is there in this five new praying on for your children. I hope you hold on hold on. Keep trusting, keep expecting Christian diligence leave God to order all your ways and trust in him. What are besides because I'll tell you this.

It's all grace sold grace from start to finish. It's all grace. Why are you a Christian today. Grace did you earn you sign up for. You can explain's amazing grace, how sweet the sound, and as a father pities his children so the Lord pity them that fear is you think about this father's rest in God's grace.

Discover God's grace first in your own heavenly father then go out and be gentle and tender with your children wise.

Who knows, but a little word from you may make all the difference in the rest of their lives.

This I close Benjamin West is a painter tells of how I became a painter's mother left and went on to look after his his sister Sally. She was as we sister in and she said don't mess around while I'm gone look after Sally and I'll be back soon as his mother left the house and found coloring inks and he got these colorings out and he got brushes in your paper. Any any other paper out and he started to paint a portrait of Sally in the course of which he got colored ink every place all over everything, not just the paper and of course his mother came back and when she walked in the room and saw the incredible mass.

She also look forward and she picked up the paper. She said it Sally. She bent down and kissed her son and Wes said my mother's case made me a painter and I'm so ready to walk in and say you got ink everywhere you got the whole thing may stubbornly can you do one decent righteous thing once in your life. And then I realize how God treats me is his kindness leads me to repentance your kind that you're forgiving that it's all grace. Great illustration of how significant kindness can be as we raise our children that wraps up today's message in our series called wise words you're listening to Truth for Life with Alastair beg should keep listening.

Alastair is good be back in just a minute to close with prayer. As mentioned, we are winding down our study of the book of Proverbs and the great way for you to refresh your memory on the lessons Alastair covered these past weeks and learned some new ones is to read the book.

We've been recommending through the series title is living well. We chose this book because it expounds on the teaching from Proverbs does a wonderful job of organizing it all into categories like God's wisdom for men. God's wisdom for women, holiness, happiness and health.

Chapter the points to tips for developing effective people skills and chapters that warned about the dangers of anger and pride. Living well is so helpful. It takes lessons that have endured for 3000 years and makes them easy to apply to everyday life. You can request your copy of the book today. When you make a one time gift or when you become one of our monthly truth partners true partners or listeners like you who are passionate about seeing the lives transformed through the hearing of God's word. That's why they give if you're looking for a way to share the Bible with others you're giving goes directly to delivering Alistair's teaching to a worldwide audience. So if you've been listening and benefiting from this program for a while now be today's the day for you to become a truth partner. When you join the truth partner team, you can request both of the resources we offer each month. They have been carefully selected for you. You can also subscribe to an un-aired message from Alastair email that to you monthly CD called the message of the month. This is just our way of saying thank you for supporting the mission to bring clear relevant Bible teaching to men and women all around the world to enroll as a true partner. Visit Truth for Life.org/truth, partner, or if you'd like to make a one-time donation is Truth for Life.org/donate can also give us a call at 888-588-7884. Be sure to request your copy of the book living well when you get in touch with us and if you'd rather mail your donation along with your request for the book. You can write to us a Truth for Life. Our address is PO Box 39, 8000, Cleveland, OH 44139. Now let's join Alastair as he closes in prayer. Father God, we bless you this morning that the Bible speaks to the issues of our lives is like taking an MRI search is right in and makes us feel uncomfortable. It makes us smile and squirm its tough and were not for the promises of your word that you like an earthly father. Discipline us for our good, so that the experience of discipline, though painful for a little time will later produce the peaceable fruit of righteousness could use that in our lives God. We pray and enable us in our stumbling's in our bungling to do a better job than we've done in raising these fragile tender children who are given to us for such a short time. Thank you for the reminder that it's all grace start our hearts with the wonder of grace, help us to take our stand for Jesus sake. Amen about the pain. Thanks for listing to today's program. Be sure to join us again tomorrow for a special message titled an unexpected encounter will learn about the unique way in which God used a man named Philip to share the gospel with the court official from Ethiopia Bible teaching of Alastair beg is furnished by Truth for Life for Learning is for Living