A Word to Fathers (Part 2 of 3)

There are a few things that as parents we desire more than to see our children walking with the Lord. But there's no way to force them to believe what we do today on Truth for Life. Alastair Beck describes the pattern of discipleship and instruction that is the duty of every parent, especially fathers, Sam hundred 19 and verse 97. The psalmist writes oh how I love your law, it is my meditation all the day. Your commandment makes me wiser than my enemies, for it is ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers for your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the aged, for I keep your precepts. I hold back my feet from every evil way in order to keep your word. I do not turn aside from your rules, for you have taught me how sweet are your words to my taste sweeter than honey to my mouth through your precepts.

I get understanding. Therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I've sworn an oath and confirmed it to keep your righteous rules.

I'm severely afflicted, give me life or Lord, according to your word except my free will offerings of praise the Lord, and teach me your rules, I hold my life in my hand continually but I do not forget your law. The wicked have laid a snare for me, but I do not stray from your precepts. Your testimonies are my heritage forever, for they are the joy of my heart. I incline my heart to perform your statutes forever to the end, we turn to our verse for today. The fourth verse of Ephesians chapter 6 fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord while less time we were looking together at the first half of Paul's instruction, which is directed here to parents and expressly fathers the particular role that a father is given within the framework of the home. According to God's plan.

It doesn't absolving moms of responsibility in this regard is disappointed in this way, and as we looked at this last time we recognize that there is a danger of parents doing more harm than good by the way in which we go about responding to this instruction and we thought about how if we act in a way that is unjust or inconsistent or if were guilty of constant nagging and faultfinding we face the danger then of appearing with our children simply to establish rules without any love or to lay down.

Is it where the law without an understanding of grace and this of course is the concern in every generation in the 17 century. Matthew Henry directed his readers as follows. Make sure that you are not impatient with your children use no unreasonable severities lay no rigid injunctions upon them, and so we wanted to take carefully Paul's exhortation to make sure that our endeavor to obey what the Bible says does not actually become something other than that, for example, given the laxity that is part of contemporary culture. It may be possible for some of us reacting to that to become all the more vociferous in the matter of parental discipline and in doing so to fall foul of what the Bible is actually teaching others no question that this is hard. I've had a number of conversations with people in the week that is elapsed and I think we've agreed together that, to borrow from T.S. Eliot the raising of kids is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your ordinary games and it is a challenge that has to be faced in the light of the instruction of the Bible and in light of the encouragement of the gospel we come now to move from the negative to the positive side of the verse. He's moving if you like from saying, do not provoke them to be angry but rather, train them to be godly or don't beat them down, bring them up. Surely a daunting privilege and it takes an immense commitment and a lot of love to bear and raise children. In fact, when we allow ourselves a moment of silence to ponder. Quite honestly, our past performance. It is a salutary exercise and it is, I think, quite honestly, sobering.

I found myself penning the words I I knew they were somewhere in the back of my mind I wrote them down in my notes in another context, but from the hymn where the hymn writer says, alas, the duties left undone. The battle is lost or scarcely one not appear and I know that if they are prepared to be honest is not able to acknowledge that there are duties that we have unfulfilled and that there are battles into which we have entered that we probably should've left alone and then there are others that we might've tackled and quite frankly we did but we lost them pretty poorly as elevated, not for us to be discouragement for us to be realistic and to drive ourselves again and again to the gospel to help me this week I created NDI along the lines of BBC, KGB, FBI, CIA and DFL and so I give you this morning and DI NDI are three words nourishment discipline and instruction. First of all, then nourishment. The phrase here bring them up as a verb that is used there, which means to rear or to raise also means to nourish the reason of use. Nourishment is because that is actually the way in which the verb is translated. If you allow your eyes to go up the text to verse 29 where he says no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, and in verse 29. There he is applying it in a threefold way to describe the care the person has for his own body. The devotion of the Lord Jesus for his church and then in turn, the treatment of a husband for his wife the same verb and it's the same emphasis largely bring them up. There is something that is far more horticultural about this than we might have first perceive the idea of raising plants. Not that I I dare not enter into this territory without showing my ignorance but nevertheless I know enough that you you plan them you water them you care for them in this orchid here did not arrive like this, just overnight the tremendous process that goes behind this, but once it is here, and in this condition are two things are vital. One sunlight, thereby it must be left in hero during the week in darkness and to it needs ice and as the ice is applied, not drenched in water and as the sunlight is available and we may at least enjoy it for another Sunday in the picture that is used here of nourishing our children is is along those lines I say that because we might be tempted to think of it in in militaristic terms, especially fathers, especially if we have come from a certain background behind the captain on the sergeants and so on and there's no sense of that in this phrase, or simply in mechanistic terms, as if this is somehow you just press a button or you you mover you move a lever and as a result, this all happens now is far more along the lines of, as I say, agricultural, or horticulture, because to nourish means to rear them tenderly English people have a tremendous love for all kinds of things but notably for their gardens and for their pets. If you been around.

You will know that this is the case.

The front of an Englishman's home will be something of a representative of what he really cares about and lets people see that he cares about and the way in which the multicausal, their pets, which is not unique to them I say but nevertheless I think it is that which caused Martyn Lloyd Jones 40 years ago, when expounding this passage of Scripture to say to his congregation. If people gave as much thought to the rearing of their children as they do to the rearing of their animals and flowers. The situation would be very different is a little bit of a sting in the tail for that is in the when you think about all the endeavor that is involved. I must take care of this and I must take care of that as a reminder to bring up our children is not a momentary task is a lifetime tumble journey. It never ends. As far as I can tell they may be 100 years old, but there's still your children and the privilege remains a long-term project filled with inevitable short-term disappointments. Again I say to you, you have never parented children unless you've been disappointed and not least of all disappointed with oneself and what are we to do with these disappointments allow them to cripple us to chain us know we view them in light of eternity. We view them in light of the promises of God, we view them in the conviction that as Ecclesiastes 3 says he is the one who makes everything beautiful in his time and part of the challenge for us in living the Christian life is that God's time is not always our time and the way in which he chooses to work is not according to our plan, but according to his purpose. I love what one of the Puritan writers provides for us when he says many children I doubt not, shall rise up in the day of judgment, and bless their parents for good training children who never gave any sign of having profited by during their parent's lives. Surely that will be the case. Surely one of the great post humorous joys of heaven will be to rejoice in that essay will look, there she is. I told you she would be here and there. He is there she is. I find it helpful to think in that long-term perspective when it comes to parenting our children. We are to be very very careful about declaring that the mission has now been accomplished, especially when they're young and when they are in so very clearly aware of the fact that they can trust what you say and that they believe your word and that they know you deserve the best for them, and so on. And we might be tempted to think well golly, we've done it. His circuit is all set living the way he's going limit where she's she's thinking, and so on. But we have to remember that our children are prone to sin and therefore we are not to be naïve where to be cautious, not overly cautious. We have to make sure that we don't make idols of our children, for God will not have us bow down before idols and he may take the aisles from us to show us just how foolish it is to have made idols of them secret firms and quite wonderfully tackling the subject says the boasts of one Christmas family letter may become the griefs of later ones. In other words, there were tempted to say you know even where we we want you to see this picture and we want you to know what Billy's doing in Jenny's doing and Mary's doing Fannie's during parallels are all doing wonderfully well's terrific. It's unbelievable. It stayed spectacular and we just where. That's why we stand right across it. Mission accomplished. Beware this beware Timothy had a godly granny. He had a godly mom but when Paul writes to them in the context of the confusion of the world in which he now lives as a man in his 30s, or perhaps his early 40s entrusted with the responsibility of not only guarding his own soul but caring for the souls of others in pastoral ministry.

Your memory system. Timothy, this is what you need to do.

You need to continue and what you've learned and firmly believed, knowing those from whom you learned it, and how from childhood you have known the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. There's a sense in which and understandably and rightfully Paul now in his apostolic role is supplementing the role that had been played by Timothy's grandmother and mother and saying as he joins.

If you like and not eternal perspective, Timothy, if you're going to run right through the tape. If you're going to continue to the end.

Then it is imperative that you continue in what you have learned and are firmly believed, for it is those who continue to the end, you are say is why the writer to the Hebrews says we are not like those who who slipped back and are destroyed but we are those who continue to the end and are saved. Their foundations involved in this are absolutely crucial.

The time does not come again. There is only a moment of time.

The soul is entrusted to us for a period of time and therefore we take seriously this notion of nourishment. You watch a young mother with their children.

They have all these wonderful mechanisms is all about nourishment.

Some of it goes in the right place and some progress all over the face and some of those everywhere, but nobody would be in any doubt this is a this is a nourishing experience. Note to her second word which is discipline. This nourishment involves both discipline and instruction. The word discipline here simply means child training bring them up then in the training of a child is the same word that Paul uses in second Timothy three talking about the word of God and its impact, which he says is profitable for correction, and for proof and for training in righteousness, that's the exact same verb that is used there for the discipline here. That's why some English translations translated training now I've wrestled with this all week unit was a difference between discipline and instruction. The best I can do with it.

Is this to thank all of the discipline in terms of conduct if you like action and to think of the instruction in terms of conversation verbal and and direction so so discipline that the discipline that is to be exercised by the father in the life of his children is a discipline under which he himself is brought namely the father is brought under the discipline of Scripture, the father is being conformed to the image of Christ and the children that are then entrusted to the father's care are to be framed by those same disciplines. Now it would be strange if Paul had a whole list in mind, that was separate from the things he's already been addressing because remember from Ephesians chapter 4 the beginning of it. He's been saying to his readers. Now, it is important that you walk worthy of the in the manner of the calling to which you've been called. Your new now you know what you once were, and therefore he says if you're going to walk in this way, a number of things follow. Let me just point a couple out to you so you get the idea of it. Verse 20 of chapter 4 or verse 19 describing the godless who have given themselves up to sensuality who are greedy in the practice of impurity in any system or that is not the way you learned Christ you are not you're not there. You're being disciplined in another direction. A tall, you've been called to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness are down in verse 29. Don't let any corrupt talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up see it will not do for the father than to demand this of his children by way of discipline when his mouth is full of corrupt talk.

That is hypocrisy in children understand the understanding consistency why you asking me to do this I heard what you just said tomorrow I what you said when you were driving the car I see the discipline demands first of all, the discipline of the disciple or you go through the whole text. Go to verse three.

Chapter 5 sexual immorality and all impurity.

Well, how are you doing dads with this matter.

Are you becoming partners in the distribution works of darkness. Verse seven and verse eight you're not taking part in unfruitful works of darkness are you there's nothing there in your background that if your children were to uncover it. They would realize that you yourself are not living under the discipline of God fight one of the ways in which we can divert from facing the discipline of God ourselves is by becoming more and more increasingly vociferous in terms of the discipline of our children, so that in the same way as we live vicariously through their successes or through their failures so we should've lived vicariously by way of discipline by not applying it to ourselves, but only to them. In other words, what is it was just the applying of biblical principles to everyday life. The applying of biblical principles to everyday life. What are those biblical principles while they are bound, but when we do so, it means that were prepared to explain the truth to our children about how we struggle with the same areas that will cause them to struggle because they would think it strange otherwise not easy for us to do this and some of us are particularly and temperamentally opposed to we have to fight that huge day when our children realize or did you ever do that.

Did you ever think that rather than we create the impression that somehow or another we are able to fly at an altitude that is different from the altitude in which they fly whereby we fly above the turbulence in which they live their lives in that same discipline which is the way in which God disciplines his children is a discipline in the framework of boundaries when the boundaries are broken.

There are consequences for disobedience is impossible to tackle the this question without recognizing what the Bible has to say concerning the corporal punishment of our children concerning what it has to say about how the roared and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame on his mother when we wrestle with this. We have to realize that in this respect, it is the good of our children.

That is to be the motive of any exercise of punishment nor the relief of our animosity by the well-being of their souls that the reason that this is going to be engaged upon is not because it is a happy experience for the father because his is a necessary responsibility entrusted to the father in order that the child might become what God intends for her or for him to be there for it has to be expressed purposefully and sparingly and accurately word to fathers about the importance of discipline as a part of discipleship from Alastair big in Truth for Life. Father's Day is coming up this weekend and let me just say here if you're looking for a gift to share with your father. Alastair has written a helpful booklet titled parenting God's way.

In the booklet Alastair outlines practical guidelines for fathers and mothers from Scripture.

It's a brief booklet, but it's packed with a lot of parenting wisdom comes highly recommended by everyone on our team.

Look for parenting God's way. When you go to Truth for Life.org/. Keep in mind it's available for purchase at our low cost.

Will today's message has been specifically addressed to fathers, but these principles for child rearing are certainly relevant for any of us were involved in helping to train young children, but if you're in the later stages of parenthood trying to navigate relationships with adult children or if you find yourself struggling with some kind of family conflict in your marriage and your relationship with your own parents in any of these cases. Our team has identified a fantastic book called aspects of love that talks about how relationships break down and how we can find grace for a new start and would love to send you a copy of the book today with our thanks when you join the essential team of truth partners who uphold this ministry through prayer and through regular financial support. You choose the amount of your monthly gift when you become a true partner and then rest assured that all gifts make a difference. They enable people around the world to hear God's word caught with clarity and relevance through this program, so as you been listening to and benefiting from Truth for Life we want to warmly invite you to come alongside us as a truth partner today go to Truth for Life.org/truth partner or call 888-588-7884. Don't forget to request your copy of the book aspects of love. Today is the last day, that book is available, so be sure to get in touch with us today about Lapine. Hope you can join us Tuesday, Alastair will share some final thoughts for fathers on the importance of parenting part of our practical series called life together. The Bible teaching of Alastair big is furnished by Truth for Life or the Learning is for Living