Validation; click here to listen

The heart of every man is a greedy mature but why does it usually feel that way. Jesus speaks of narrow gates wide roads masculine journey is filled with many twists and turns.

So how do we keep from losing heart trying to find a good way when life feels more like a losing battle and something worth dying for, grab your gear, request your band of brothers will serve as the guides we call masculine journey masculine journey starts here now welcome the masculine journey were glad to have it with us today we are going to continue talking about a three-pronged topic we've been on the last couple weeks but were in the confusion is real talk about this particular problem for two weeks. Robby, could you help set up what we kind of been talking about the context of war will be going to that we have been talking about how men foundation only three prongs find ourselves starting out as a generalist before we figure out how to become a specialist in a generalist EE and I would be in, or maybe the reason that we like Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts that you begin to learn how to make a campfire and you learn how to do this in meat you can fix your own car or maybe you can work on your own electrical or whatever the situation may be, you just have a general understanding and and those come from a place of identity like we talked about last week and I'm trying remember the first week we talked about. I was struggling two weeks ago we did it yet. We did it was two weeks ago, and three prongs is that it has to do with knowing you dapple your father's the down on a bike with a bang listener and show that there is three prongs and it's almost like compass points. We talked about the gotta have that foundation generalists as nationalists think you in studio today.

Let me pause there for second is Robby and and Al, Vinnie and myself and so were out world here today in order to be talking about the topic of I not identity that was lasting validation and somewhere along the way, I'm sure. Remember what that first point was, but really it's the things that you need is a foundational element as a young boy or even as an older man is if you don't have those you look other places to try to find them and sorting begin with this topic of validation and and where was a boy he meant to get validation from Ravenna you've read some route we talked and any that in culturally you're really grown-up for you culturally that was traditionally done through the family was not steel was well I think every boy growing up, but they want validation from that about when we get into. Without that you thought the story that just came to me to be honest about validation allow my eyes will say right now. Okay. Of course all young boys look for validation from that that you know and I got not too much validation from my dad sometimes and enough who step, then the validated my mom because she picked up she picked up that you know I wasn't getting what I wanted from Papa and associate seen it as a mother and there I am.

You know, five, six, seven years old and she put her arms around me and started to talk about stuff that you know had nothing to do.

We want to be with my dad which was mostly the caller and the pigeons and stuff like that are so you can get validation from your mom to.

It doesn't have to be strictly a guide or a man. Even I think that there's there's elements of that that play a role in understanding your things. I have what I knowing what I have what it takes knowing what my identity is knowing those types of things, but in that validity can come from multiple sources, but there's only one lasting source which will talk about later in the show. We got originally intended for the young boy to get that from his father when he is somewhat the mirror image has the same parts as him.

The mom doesn't.

And so he looks to him and says hey, you're my mirror image. This is maybe what I should note my okay from the hey you're really all right what you do as laugh at me. Some have a hard time but let's listen to the clip here about a boy not a young boy but a man who comes back after a change in life and will see what he seeks from from his dad.

Now this is a really goofy clip and it's called the masculine journey and this is a clip that make it just a little uncomfortable dancing movies zoo Lander Ben Stiller plays a male model is very male model like from the standpoint of the stereotypical kind kind of frilly little and so in the scene. What happens as he comes back from changing career. He's want to go into new path and he goes back to the coal mining town which he grew up and he went and spent a day in the coal mine with his family and they come back and are talking about their day in one of his commercials as a male model comes on in which he played a mermaid or a so-called a merman and just listen in exchange, whose winning the match down one day mid 30s is this to make a new life for myself.

I'm sorry was bone structure was making me pop with me and you did not just thank the Lord. You see, our son is a mermaid man. I know there's a lot there but as you listen to the Vinnie.

What you really want from his dad when it came down to this is the silliest clip you probably were here this, but the truth of what you really want to hear from his dad. There acknowledgment for what he was and what he was doing was working you know the same way his dad was working on go just different professions, and he was a merman merman. That's right, and he wanted to validation and everything that hear you say merman, so that's good. Very good.

I almost lost my teeth U that is a soundbite or something but yeah this guy go in and rob anything in that all I really wanted in life was your approval on the want to know that I was okay and your eyes and this is not a young man at this point is movies like in his early 40s and so does that something never leaves a man I know your father still around, you know your fortunately he is but at some level that you still really look for that from your dad time.

There's nothing like getting that from your father and I've been blessed to have received it many many many times and just recently as I was sitting with them at the dinner table Christie's is just move back to this part of North Carolina. He lost his wife to becoming an friend at this at the I'm so proud of what you do and you know that, thing.

It just feels like that's how that was supposed to be, but the challenges sometimes you know people are driven for something that they can't get and it takes us to some really bad places where were trying to get that where it's not available absolutely and maybe grip in a house where dad wasn't around ally know that that was somewhat you live through you also know, played sports needed some things and so were the times that you really love to hear from an older man had a football coach, Henry, Douglas, and when I first went out for football.

He spoke into me. He just called out when I was afraid of somebody you in his own special way. He gave me the talk that you got what it takes. And if you don't only give you some so and I ended up getting a fight with regarding Farrell Burton in you know it's funny when somebody in the way he did.

It was this guy was bigger than me tougher than me just he had the strength, the height the weight and he said you know Farrell doesn't wear protection. So when you're coming up take advantage of it now is what the word to use, or else anything. Just remember you where impact is knocking her when he hit you back and all of a sudden I had somebody tell me the ins and the outs last week we talked about my first experiences like that.

Now I had this a played guard for Tennessee volunteers. He took us to our first victory in slight auto years, first winning season in years, and he spoke that into me and what I just needed that so badly my life that this football coach looked at me and thought he's not a wimp. He's just afraid we gotta and we gotta turn that around and he didn't do it the kind gentle way to meet it like a man masculine you know full of fire, anger, and lots of other words yeah I'm sure I set it there something in us when God designed us for that need to know that we have approval is not necessary to work word but we we we know we have the ability to be what we been called to be. We have the ability to rise up, the ability to stand in the gap to do those things and in with the need for this validation and were have a couple more clips. We come back in the break, but often rally that need.

If he doesn't get it when he's in his you know young days of boyhood new moves into teenagers where does he start to look for that validation. Our look for it looks for it from the web for young ladies work with all sorts of places where you know I like you said my my father gave me a lot of validation my mother but that didn't change the fact that it seems like I needed tons of I needed it. There when I was asking a girl out or I needed it there when I was on the basketball team. You know what I was on the first ring second stringer.

You know the guy who didn't get picked all those things they banner into MI about the if I can eject just is quickly in is often is your parents speak validation into you. The enemies you'll be right there telling of the line and remind you of failures it was good and oftentimes have more credibility than the people you love, agreed, and I think as we head into break. One thing I don't want you here. There doesn't really matter if I speak that life and I my child it does makes all the difference in the world if you didn't get it still has in store for you balance it and went back in and talk more about that morning talk about what happens when you take that to the woman what other places it hasn't really leading to your pose back and joints during radio's list are supported very thankful for every dollar but I wanted to take a moment to share really easy way to support its use Amazon to purchase things you need to do smile.amazon.com is a charity contribution site from their slick good heart ministries and Amazon will donate 5% of your purchase to donate or watch a video on how to do this under the radio that's messenger and the radio.

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Counselors help you find healing through the father. For more information on seasons of the hard mask. That's messenger the radio.org back to the masculine journey we are really glad that you came back and listen… Days. We talk about this topic of validation and where you look for at and that's the answers kind of been everywhere.

It was a young boy, you look for, primarily from your father if your father is not around you hopefully have a grandfather and uncle or coach or semi that can help fill that gap. You really look for that from a male is again if you look in the mirror. He can be the closest thing you have looks like you and I said better that timeout on how I said that much better is impressed with the different that I had time to think about how to phrase that the mother plays important role as we talk a lot times on the show. Masculinity is bestowed and so that validation that masculine validation really has to come from a male down to a male and not that the mother doesn't play an important role. Her sisters don't if it's vital grandmothers play important role. All those things you know and Eldridge says very eloquently that a boy he learns what masculinity is from his father from a man learns the value of that masculinity from his mother and how she reacts. That's a good point.

Maybe I should listen that that was really good.

The what happens when you don't get it in and Rob you ask before you break towards that young boy start to take a question most often it is to Eve.

God said in Genesis is not good for man to be alone and he creates even says that those two are meant to be together. It's our heart is meant to desire that, but not as our source of validation and go to the clip that we do so, a few times from my legends of the fall in in this clip you have the oldest brother do his talking to what used to be his youngest brother's fiancée and youngest brother passed away and he's fallen in love with her and she doesn't necessarily feel the same way. But listen to his words and how what he's really asking her to do.

Not as much for her, but for his heart sank and I think you know I respect for him. I wanted to say it in this place. I think you know that I'm the first moment I saw you. I can now that's my mother's overblown romantic imagination coming out mass of making this a hope that you could love me that the way you love Samuel. Of course enough to make a life together things that you're not sure.

Maybe it is a tense pain you need use a quote from Eldridge. There was he really trying to find that value appropriately in her not even close. What was really trying to do their he was trying to feed his ego self-esteem that he was. He adored this woman going to devour her to make himself feel better and that's exactly what a man shouldn't do and that's what a woman needs to avoid and she she smart enough to see that right. You keep going there and throw out a question for any of you. Have you ever kinda look to Eve for the answer to that, the female to say this is choosing to let me know that I'm really have what it takes. You help me understand my identity.

She's gonna help me have this validity of who I am as a man, or have you guys been able to avoid that we know. I think the biggest thing the danger and it is that when you do, you're only as good as her mood if she's in a bad mood and you're getting about her valid your validation from her all the sudden you got from hero to zero would be done for me lately and so I have. I suffered and taken the bumps and got the T-shirt and wore the big L my four head. To quote a good friend of mine there sort of a Shrek aspect about others layers and oh yeah I mean it still there and there's times right man, it will ever get to the point where it is so hard to know where this when mom is not happy, nobody's happy and and that's kind of what that feels like a lot, and I struggled with it and that's where you're a beginner you're very much for this question out is looking to the hood when those things and those like things are going on. Looking ahead and say okay what am I really trying to get here and when her mood changes and I feel like I know my messing up or whatever that might be. Is that because you're looking not you rub them targeted.

It's obvious looking at you, it isn't really that you sent him trying to get some value out of you and so that reflection isn't what I want to see you know the answer. We all can kinda go there and it's it's important. Remember to go to offer our strength not to try to get strength from. But it's so hard to do when we don't have a permanent source of strength to go to and she feels like she can fill that void and that the struggle is good. I think it's Galatians it talks about son ship and in their your relationship with God as a father and he talks about it, basically telling you this is what your validation has to come from in order for you to truly feel restored is the son of Adam, so to speak to the bar from CS Lewis of the challenges because it sure everybody has different ways you can relate to people and those of us who were sales type personalities like ourselves would be doing a one like that then you know we need to feel like were accepted by the person you know we have a different set of needs and other people have and so acceptance is a huge thank. And so it it it even though you know intellectually I need to get my validation from God. But when I'm not feeling accepted and I'm not feeling valued then you know it puts me in a in a really hard place. But that could be exactly where God wants me as as outputs. It but that doesn't get less uncomfortable. It doesn't end in not that those things won't affect you or shouldn't affect you mean it should affect you if there something wrong in your relationship that should affect you but it shouldn't rock your world.

It shouldn't take that situation say it's Windows live things happen are going to happen anyway because were people there's broken people out there who will have the foundation of validation from God.

Underneath it, we have nothing to anchor to and what ends up happening as we start to look anywhere to try to find that validation, even if it means posing the other poser just is really about looking for validation.

If I'm not good enough.

The way I really am, through a false front to you that hopefully will help me feel that validation and that love from you and so I go to the clip was from Ben Stiller get a little bit different version of the Ben Stiller clip and we've used it a few times, but it's from meet the parents and this is the prayer clip of one of asking to pray and so he's kind. This led him on a bunch of stories about how he could milk a cat and all the stuff up until now, and they've asking to pray for the meal and I want you to listen to his prayer and kinda say what she really looking for here is looking to offer up something to God. Is he looking to get some credibility from others face many tables. Oh dear God, thank you. You are such a good God cost, kind, gentle and accommodating God and we thank you. Oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts for the smorgasbord you so aptly laying that are table this day and each day by day, day by day by day. Oh dear Lord. Three things we pray love, the more dearly to see the more clearly to follow the more nearly day by day by day, late. Thank you Greg that was interesting to funny story a couple weeks ago was amassed (the bridge was was kind of us truly honored they wanted me to come pray for the people in the media and so it people are coming up on stage in a course praying in public, private and public a lot but is just to unique experience in out there and that kinda setting and I had the mayor Kernersville dignitaries of all sorts and so all these people after they prayed they would clap when the church was suppose appropriate, but it's just a little unusual. So you know my turn got up there to pray and when I got printing. They didn't clap all and then when I when I started to step off the stage. It was like they remembered where spoke the class I sat down and Jim Graham was right there and I said, should not be concerned because you know where I am. I need accepted that I feel like they didn't clap for my prayer that it was just, you know, I was listed that gun that sounds awfully familiar. Was I offering up which I really was trying to offer up a prayer for the for the media but you can't help it when you're praying in public for like you guys out and do absolutely you have a guy that's going to introduce meet. What could be his future in-laws and is want to make a good impression and everything happened hasn't let up to get impression is trying to build upon that. We got just little per minute left to talk about we talk about were people go and how that kinda leads the poses when we don't find it, but at some point we have to realize where we have to go play a quick clip and come back and talk about it for the rest to show this from Bruce Almighty. This is after Bruce has been God for a period of time, God allowed them to do it. He realizes that all these places. He's looking is not given him the answers he wants.

Let's listen to this request. Have you seen the movie gets hit by a truck that really what we we have decided to seek that validation from other sources.

You know I needed for my parents. Even though it's it's great to get from other people. It's not the life-giving water that Jesus talks about its water refreshes us but doesn't give us that permanent winch of that person been born with an so when we surrender that all the God we give it to him and say I want what you want for me.

I want the validation to come first and foremost from you and then that other stuff you give me is just icing on top of a very very good cake next to talk about when you get that when you enter into that validation from him.

What that leads to for you and others. Thanks for joining