51- Moving Past the Suffering

Kabul life can bring many difficult situations domestic violence addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones welcome Amy, and McHugh today. We highlighted every Saturday at 1 PM Eastern right on your media ticket.com or later you can into the record itself via podcast. I'm also joined by Dr. Boris Nicola with my partner at work and in life is show deals with suffering and the tenacity of the human spirit. The will to survive and the courage to keep moving forward despite any obstacle with the help of God and each other. We did provide testimonials to let people know that they're not alone in this show.

The testimony started with me having been a survivor from child abuse intake in adulthood. We all have professionals in the medical field and inspirational speakers that are willing to help and get valuable information because education is key.

Transparency needed and I believe we can help each other. As for me, my healing came from God that other forms of healing are presented as well to service everyone life can be challenging but were not alone. And I like to start off with encouraging words. I'm tired I'm just tired of asking why. Why do I have to go to this kind of pain. Why do I feel like I'm lost in despair. Why then I woke up one day feeling tired because of so many questions in mind. They realize that it does me no God.

And every time I think I find myself living in misery. So I decided to stop at stop asking why. Instead, I chose to surrender my life and allow God to take over because I know I can't do it with my own strength.

I know I'm nothing without him one day all my questions will fade away and God will replace it with wonderful blessing. Something that I can never comprehend something that will bless his glorious name. I may not see it now, but I know it will happen according to his plans. According to his perfect timing. If you also feel the same way. Maybe God just wants to remind you it's not about the answer but it's about trusting the one who holds your future.

It's not about knowing what will happen, but it's about the one who will hold you until the end. It's not about knowing where to go but it's about believing that God will always lead you it's not about success but it's about the reason why you made it, and it's not because of your own effort know because of your own skills and abilities. It's about the grace of God, who never fails to sustain its about his great faithfulness that always secures its about his love that never fails to embrace everything in this life is about him we live and breathe because of and this journey will come to waste if we don't spend it with.

I wanted to get you the source of encouragement because those are the words that really move me and help me so that in today's cell within a talk about how to move forward despite the suffering that you may have injured and today we have a very special guest Lisa Sark Cohen, a survivor to offer some strategies. Lisa is a wife and mother of three grandmother. Lisa took all of her past experiences of her personal trauma and abuse, and wrote a detailed memoir of her life.

She shares her story through the eyes of the child hers. This is a special way that she can get back to others and help to hopefully promote healing lease that gained her voice and by validating her story. She healed through the process. Lisa is the everyday woman within extraordinary gift for getting and is full of compassion.

She has worked with disabled children and adults teaching life skills in writing and served as a mentor to young women in a lockdown facility. Her ability to survive as well thrive from her silent world of treasury truly is an incredible journey field is such inspiration and never ending hope Lisa is the author of the unspoken truth anymore. Lisa, thank you for being with us today. Lisa tell us a little bit about the unspoken truth. What what do you mean about the unspoken truth and maybe we can talk about broken relationships and broken truth. When I decided to write my story.

I wanted to be.

Of course, due to the eyes of a child because I thought that was the best way to get my story out there and help other unspoken truth.

Those words violence that we live with that violence that you know after going through the public appearances we keep it silent to ourselves and as we grow on into adulthood. If we don't express it in work through it violent and that violence eat you up alive inside that is one of the biggest reasons why I named my story.

The unspoken truth because I was that violent child and it took be years to be able to Tuesday. The words out loud and I speak about that quite often about breaking the silence and that is when the true healing can begin. Yes, you learn some I've read some amazing articles that he venues very talented writer and very minor. One of the articles really impressed me was shedding your mask because I know that if you keep silent, it only eats you alive inside and it comes adding your behavior get the past, you may catch places and an ally and we don't realize that we can be here for each other and as she coming to terms with either writing it down or sharing it with others, and even helping others could be extremely healing for us.

You know I tell people a lot about being that you can't verbalize it. You have to start where to start by writing it down because those now that you're wearing to cover up all that pain and suffering and anything shame and maybe you know when someone is abuse is obviously not their fault that they still feel that she and another man and you know as time goes on, you can say those words.

I encourage people start by writing it down and then after you write it down.

Read it yourself and then take that next bold step in reading out loud to hear the word and when you hear those words feel those words that you can start to change in work through it and it is painful, it would hurt by the end result is is freedom, personal freedom and when those masks drop to the floor. Your true self, your true beauty is what shines.

I think that's what you slow in its June and is to and that's the important thing we need to come to terms with. It is important to know that there is and there's CST year for us even though we may go to very dark moments in our lives like I had.

I know what it's like not to have God in your life. I know what it's like to feel miserable hate every living moment become suicidal mean the devil can do a pretty big number on you when you're not close to God you know and I talk a lot about my book trauma story in pictures old and I think I went up to Delta, but I can only talk about my never ending date and that is what got me through and edit me through because challenging and we all do go to the dark time and many times would we say why does God do this is why you know but I think you touched upon that when you were reading your you know in the beginning when you read your little package there which phenomenal.

I really connected that because we have to embrace the journey and that is my motto when I say it all the time. Embrace the journey because we don't know what life is going to give us all about learning in connecting and keeping the interface strong and hard to do.

Yes, I know that I mean it was getting dark. Please noticing the lie and that was amazing enough for me. I was in a dark place for many years had a lot of problems with custody battles, there's always something there was always a problem. Something was always going on so I didn't really focus on me on helping myself. I'm loving me unforgiving myself until I realized the hatch to cut seriously and it all started with prayer praying starting prayer everything in the morning and believe it or not, to set that song, amazing Grace, my eyes were opened to feel God does open your eyes. Everything okay every day I pray it is what occurred and that's how I found the lie.

And that's how I know most people found the light but for those that are just tuning in, my name is Cabo and this is the cure.

Welcome back to the show for those that are just tuning in any Cabo and this is the care we are joined by Lisa Sir Cohen special guest you were talking about how to overcome difficulties you really give a world of information that I wanted to share with our listeners.

Can you expand on the predator stands help words control trigger warning. Oh yeah, I know it could trigger warning because they do write about our dark and deep, and somebody is not in a place where there you know able to read these things and be able to under cannot understand the throng were to get in and be okay with it. I was the trigger warning because it could trigger people into a negative feeling and thought that I do put trigger warning, but yeah, the predator stands, you know, and that the predator is that the abuser and that abuser does certain things to groom the one that they are praying upon and whether it be a young child or teen or even an adult you know the predator is very smart and I would call him LifeLock because they are very witty about what they do and how they claim their victims one by one and a very calculating. So I did write that piece because I want people again to be aware.

You know you might not even realize at the time that this was happening and all of a sudden you're in this awful situation and you trying to figure how to get out of bed and of course, especially for children because I am a child advocate was first children are concerned they are the innocent victims.

They don't know any better there being groomed and are not even understanding what that means. No, that's a very powerful piece very important one, and I share quite often and I do love my blog because I feel like I'm putting really good information out there for people to read since you is is usually somebody that is everything that is very nice.

My stepfather Dr. pediatrician imagined that and he's the one to sexually abuse me for about eight years and that nobody wouldn't have a guest in fact, my mother still disability and that's what we'll talk about in the following segment is forgiveness And go back to the predator of one other thing that nine time that the predator is somebody you know family friend could be apparent could be a sibling that parents is in your case very very prominent. It is not usually the stranger danger. It is somebody that you know and a lot of times people like that love and would never educated that she did not know to say anything and so maybe we can look for certain signs and symptoms is acute is afraid to talk or intimidated or doesn't know the difference. Just how to look that this tub has no motivation at a very quiet day are highly inappropriate defacing appropriate sexual things that you should know. For example, role-playing children with Dalton right that you know the account gave your change in their eyes become like I didn't guide it with didn't die they could wear that spark. The child becomes withdrawn from all different time and even for my health. It was about was in a cloud.

I walked around like, but I always deliver the fishbowl in my head clouded because I was always trying to remove myself from what was happening. That's a huge huge sign when you see a child who totally like daydreaming and removed and young child. Child gets older gives to stigma that goes around and there's all these years that you know victims have that people see a CAS you not get believed you're gonna get blamed people will judge you name it is your fault. Yes, Helen Boise and NCAA neck.

It it was your fault. Yeah, grow older years happening even more confusing. I feel at times because you start to learn that you do know better that these things are wrong but you just don't know how to express it and get it out there and make and fight for yourself is the things that you have to figure out as you go along, and it's very difficult when you feel alone.

I believe this could go well into young adulthood and wanted some of the suggestions seeking give us to overcome these common beliefs I mean are we gonna turn the tide and more of us coming out and speaking and speaking the choose and realizing it's not our fault. I do believe I do believe that guided here now I believe it coming. It's happening to more and more about it. Other people are gaining the courage and the strength to do the same when I give a presentation or do a workshop. People will always come up to me afterwards and share these things with meaty personal things that happened to them in there like this is the first time I've ever said it out loud profound and being open to tears to my eyes only good that I've touched somebody that deeply that they are able to speak their unspoken truth and that is the goal and the whole basis of writing my story and getting out there because I want other people to feel what I feel that sense of freedom that is appealing because you have to start by saying the words out loud because you want to share this joy, one a peaceful words and that's the thing about those of us who suffered as a way of turning it into a blessing and I mean anything bad on the devil.

I can't think talking is a divorcing psychotic pocket because he steals people sold so when I get I'm about to get angry or I'm about to get annoyed or unfeeling died and I don't know why I like pickpocket a month you as a little prayer helps it helps when you think it's not your fault.

It helps when it's not you that's broken it help when it helps when you that can't think right can't do things right right when I feel your speaking.

When you feel like happening and I was a little prayer myself and I fear no evil for God is with me always giving me strength and support those simple words that are not really simple to powerful, but you know what that always encourages me when I'm scared or angry or bad. And I also reach out to my I had my brother had passed away at a young age we were very close. That always felt connected to him.

Julie and I will reach out to him and I talked with him. It does give me a sense of comfort and give me a great deal of strength these societies is that it's very hard in the zoning system and he was nine.

Yes you know you think I could get a docket gift because even though I locked him and by my side. It always felt so is a beautiful gift to have even enough sorrow, and it's a beautiful gift that you recognize God is constantly blessing us and we don't even know until we find him we open up our I then once we find God once working full to see things differently what's needed to move on.

That's what I want to talk about and want to talk about unconditional love and forgiveness. How do we get there by having a relationship with God by praying the Holy Spirit gives us all kinds of wonderful ideas. Trust me everything that's good that comes from us all the thoughts anything knowledgeable that is holy.

I think that comes from the Holy Spirit and not only that he's always helping us whether uses a friend or a post or a song or a moments or making you feel better. I believe that I know think about the word forgiveness hard word hard to exert myself. I would like to eat bigger parent and their their their function and I was able to find forgiveness looking at different I will talk some more about that when we get back.

Thanks for joining us and any capital in this is that your you can listen to cure every Saturday at 1 PM Eastern radio pictures.com later in the podcast we continue a conversation with Lisa's account on how to overcome difficulties. Lisa will talk about how to move forward and I wanted to know first talk about what are some suggestions for healthy living, and what's the best way to adapt to positive coping mechanisms and want to start from the beginning when you are starting your healing journey. I started beginning start where it began and then move forward all sections at a time.

If you take all it one during your healing process to become too overwhelming and you have high risk of failure.

If you take it all in big chunks, so I with a tarp in the beginning they can install doses and work through it all and you will find the more that you work through the thing you're looking for lighter, you become more positive one other thing is positivity.

I would say the work through negative feelings by switching it with a positive thought so as you're going through many emotions when you go to the healing process hearing is messy and bottom line and you have to take the good with the bad having those awful moments feel really sad or angry and break them.

You know, don't run away from them. The hard but embrace them mad today.

I am sad today but that's okay because I am okay am going to be okay. You have to remind yourself of these things and you know one by one, you make your way through you stepping forward before you realize it is gone from a C in your life. Wow, how did that happen. They can also keep pushing forward and always keep the faith. I am a firm believer in faith. And I'm a firm believer. I do feel that's what fuels the lights are fire and what keeps us going. So I encourage people you take it day by day taken all doses and keep pushing forward and on those bad days. Be kind to yourself. Yes, don't be too hard on yourself. For example, I hardened myself for thinking this point I haven't been working out an easy thing doing anything else that's needed and. The good part of myself as well. Or, I should have done more than I think about. Like we have to reminders of that it's okay to be okay to enjoy yes that's that's the important thing to be hugging ourselves. And when I didn't have God I had such a negative outlook on life. I did not believe in the future. I thought I was destined to suffer. I thought I was the worst person in the world.

I couldn't think of anything I can be grateful for what I thought everyone will be better off without me and having gotten my life. I learned three things I learned that you have to be grateful for what you have.

You have to be grateful for who you are and you have to be grateful for where your and I think I'm always learning and I'm always reading most readings things to see how I can help others. I know I don't know it all in. One of things that I found that gives you strength besides prayer is being reading spiritual things, reading the Bible listening to spiritual songs. It's uplifting and then if you two things make you feel better about yourself like you can work just a little harder. Exercise take care your stains your pants, your house, your family, you'd be surprised doing for others is very encouraging, encouraging you know everything that I've been doing wrong feel good operational page talk about reading thing twice a day on a week because of their be encouraged to spiritual stuff that I did little bit of everything I'm reaching out to different people with different needs and talking something is a powerful thing to be a no kind and compassionate and seeing that people are engaging in a great way, I'm a big pusher on that proration because as we read these things like music that by reading the Bible.

They put goodness into your life and your head when you become mentally strong. You can do anything you know I believe that anybody can do anything mind to mind that is very important in working that cold every day that positivity that you bring into your life and you know what reading the Bible I heard is great. I noticed it's not for everybody. I have a hard time understanding it and if anyone feels overwhelmed. He's plenty of Bible apps puts it very simple for you have a Bible at that gives me the verse and not that I'm thinking about picking up on my own, but the phone reminds me yesterday verse and that can be very helpful and help when you talk about posting you talking about Facebook correct.

I am everywhere I went to people Google meal find me all over Facebook operational page is on Facebook and I propose to create is my personal and my original one and I post daily and I code you know wonderful things and encouraging thing and I put my poetry. I hear stuff about what's going on in my world with my book in my room by the things that I'm doing my work with naphtha NAFTA. The nationalist position of adult survivors of child abuse.

I'm the Massachusetts national ambassador and into that work on helping people as well, though I might my pages.

I am in Graham and twitter over the place in my website leases are:.net but everything is geared that I do towards helping other people to get to the next stages of healing and feeling good about themselves and encouraging them to keep moving because he moving always move forward that that is a very key sentence right there. Always move forward because once you do that you do find goodness and you you live in you, not just yellow existing your living that work. Yes, Lisa from what I read from what you write things that you've written, which is very helpful and very inspirational. I realized that you, I agree. Example of unconditional love and that's something to talk about in your writing. Unconditional love. You know what you don't know the story and imagery is brutal and you know my brother and I was young my parents.

Their marriage fell apart, my mom, with mentally ill that winter and my dad left today with many key component in my stereo and then somebody else comes in who becomes the sexual abuse it to me and I felt alone and long, but I only had that he loved from my parents and I want them in my life and I think that was another reason I was able to forgive what happened to me because I had that unconditional love because of family.

I wanted my family and I was able to get there and it was hard it wasn't like when they woke up the old one and forgiven the world what was a hard process.

A lot of tears, a lot of writing on the big writer. So a lot of writing, talking, and that's a good one right there you talk about it. You have to break that silence have to say the words that talk. Unconditional love is when you friend that's not really nice that you really don't care about unconditional love is like easy to help those that are kind to you.

It's difficult to help the bond that you think it's using it that you are quick to judge and that God said, give and give generously and not to judge unconditional love is you don't judge a word not to judge my own aerial my mom was very fun. I find when you talk, but on conditional love not being me I would feel doing whatever I could to help her because of love and respect and unconditional love. That's really what down to I love my mother love the owner but I loved her I would do whatever it took to help her, but it was very hard. It was hard being my mother's daughter, but again I go back to Satan like you. Love is what saw me through and always may be realized I needed to do this.

It was the right thing to do and it was a good thing to do. Yes, you see speaking about father's my own little story I did 23 neonates discovered on this.

She's pretty spiritual so she knows I haven't spoken or seen my mother since I was 18 years old. She convinced to reach out to her and so on my birthday send her flowers think you're forgetting the birth and that's how I knew that I was able to forgive her and I loved her unconditionally and I also wrote her and emailed her something very nice and I will not repeat the response its ability to BP but it reminds me that she still emotionally abusive. But when my aunt Josie told me is that you not doing this for you you doing this for yourself. I understand where she's coming from but coming up on three that I want to talk about forgiveness and what it really means and what it really means to forgive because we act upon your back will continue talking with Lisa and how to take care of ourselves after trauma wife can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty, but even sexual abuse by your loved ones. The issue is not stay there, but to overcome all obstacles been shouldered with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed.

Love is the answer. God is the key word reveals baby Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on God is the key word.com or buying her book on Amazon.com where thanks for joining and Amy have all this is that you are in today with Boris and Mrs. account. I see that we have to callers calling and I will get to them in a second.

We're talking right now about forgiveness. What is it to be again.

And it's easy to see forgiven. It's very easy but when I found myself in trial. When the child the roommate that almost killed my daughter and I saw the father that made it made it.

Mistral believed that when she was ill and took me to court for 14 years. I can feel the tension I can file and that they were avoiding me and will maybe I will say hi either that you know I stop myself. I said wait a second.

If I forget them. I should treat them like a treat everyone else and I decided to be kind to everyone, regardless nobody's gonna change who I am and if I forget I have to be act upon it.

That's another reason why reached out to my mother why your mom and forgiving you know your mom situation you are you and yourself every time you do that hard to forgive but will be There existed a beautiful and you know lead by example. What a great phrase because we do, the more that we show people compassion and kindness.

Our hope is that other people will want to be you want to do the same and feel the same, and all we can do is encourage others you know to be mindful to be kind, my tallest call list see what she might as hi, Jan, the gear yes hello so I've moved beyond our may not. This is about forgiveness. I wanted the mighty talking about her life and what you do that you have now grown child that my most likely have been molested and don't know and he claims that he doesn't remember much of his childhood that was like one of the clues that melt like why do you not remember you and then we just started listing the symptoms. He had everything whatever brother Tom. It was like 14 or 15 and I'm sorry if I got wrenching now because my funds so doing things the damage himself and Andy can't get through the depression and now think he's better off being a woman, which is another classic. I mean it has to do with forgiveness.

You know, it's very easy to see a lot I don't know what it's like to be in the shoes and I would want to be in the shoes.

I really feel for you because people think they call a diaper Jesus die for my faith. But when you're in that moment, would you be doing so it's very difficult it's very I could see it happen to me. I do the right thing and I'm almost 100% sure but I don't know that I can even judge my mother, Sue D do with this child. You show this to health. Love you Shawn unconditional love you let this child know you're there for him or her and that you're willing to listen to him or her and if this child once is finding his or her right any accepting and let them know that you love them no matter what and I can jump in the middle of that I wanted to share. Now don't that violent.

I encourage that you start talking about it and he doesn't remember because when someone is, that I deeply sometimes they block it out and locked up for years and it felt another way, and it is leaping out other ways for him and that's what he can start working through it and also I'm going to mention Nasca.org and I would suggest you get on there and look at them things because our organization is the exact reason to help survivors of abuse come to terms and legally we support in a way that is a special love and healing and forgiveness but also the first step goes back to remembering talking about it and understanding what happened, bring him to therapy between eight whatever reason you camping this wonderful support groups because you wouldn't believe what it does to give it a hear from others in a similar situation and had needed it so inspirational especially have support groups for everything. I've seen it I seen it on Facebook and sometimes it's helpful to talk. From someone else knows exactly what you're going to rain and you know you're not alone and there are support groups all over and you know getting online to talk to people's numbers to call the poor but again I will go back to our organization because I'm really believed in what we do and we really do help so many people, and.org. What a great outlet to help somebody struggling yes Nasca is an unbelievable site.

They even have a blog radio and always helping people and it's just a wonderful organization. It really yes II know that yes glad I'm very proud to be a part of it. It you know because it comes from understanding that we've all been through something and we understand one another. Really looking to help somebody out to get their you know in your own home town the for support group know the church's library, they'll have them after you know search a little bit for them indefinitely. The support he needs because he does need to get it out.

You can finally get on the healing path you're doing good you got in the first. You know you came to you about this and it is what he thinks or how he sees it, but whether you think you're right or not his perception. That's important so this is the first parent heartbreaking to know that your child is confident it would wholeheartedly like I would. I will pray for you and your son and I hope you can find your road to healing together yes and it is important for us to be there for one another, because if you don't happen if you don't believe in God and what do you do if you are miserable and depressed and you don't get out like you do you know what happens sooner or later got God put someone in your path that will help you. I will talk to you that will lead to the right way and it's up to us whether we want to continue suffering continuing to talk please not move forward we get to the point where we say enough is enough. I don't want to hurt anymore. I wasn't destined to suffer. I'm better than this.

You know why because God loves me and I know that God loves me because my family is evident that God� All very very much so it doesn't matter where you come from hard your life has been what country you come from or what you've suffered.

God is there for everyone for all the centers for all who have suffered and that's the hope. That's the hope that there is an all you have to do is have faith. I gained mine with prayer. Lisa, what is it that you can you D first in the morning. I wanted to know TPS well I do. I pray every morning and start my day. All prayer and even throughout the day. You know if I find that I may be struggling with something I dread the moment to be feel good energy and I do say my prayers and I always ask God to protect us in the guidance, and I got on the path close to you and I pray for my family and my friends and strangers of people out there who are suffering people I connect with because it is important you know, I know he hears me and II get signs all the times and I'm always grateful for each and every sign.

I encourage other people to look for your sign because they are there analyzed as an infant, because our world is so crazy busy, distressed, and all of it but look for your signs along the way because that's what guides us and God is always helping example in them as you.

I pray besides the music, this soothing music that it gives you the nicest things that set your heart. Don't. Don't set your heart on the things of this earth that set your heart on the things that happen and when I'm a little worried or my little stress. I just think of God. I think the bigger picture. And the more you think about him throughout the day. I believe that that are that into perspective. It makes me realize how many secular problems are true and at the end of the day. I always light my candle. I have a high magic Tuesday that anybody can do this and believe a little bit differently but you know about that virtuality paid per day. Connect me to that moment of quiet down in it, you know, ground the beautiful feeling to have that I would encourage people to do that.

Talk to yourself. Be your prayers if that's what you want to do is feel that energy is not always easy to trust me I just sounds easy but it's not always easy. You have to constantly because for me at the day thing I can guarantee you all you locate all the long yes pickpocket thanks Ami so just wanted to say again the name of the organization's goals in a a SCA Nazca.orc for about just golden bear, that would be a great place to go and my information down there under the catheter page. Leaders are called from attitude.

If you want to reach out to me by my information. If there were always available. You can find someone from your own or the website everything. It's very very wonderful tools there for help.

Lisa on the scene come to the end of the shell again so much for being with us for more information. For more information on this account she can be found in God as the chair onto guests. Lisa, this has been a pleasure thinking to someone cancel thank you, going on our journey. We are all in it together. Think God this is Amy capital you been listening to the cure and have a great weekend everyone. Remember, always keep God in mind he's there, he's always with us. If you we want to be there for you and you guys with how you can be there for use the Q.com