Anger Can Be Toxic- 78

The two with Amy, life can bring many difficult situations domestic violence addictions, poverty and even sexual abuse by your loved ones welcome Amy, and the Q afternoon and welcome to the care radiation. I'm your host Amy Cadwell, joined by Boris my other half is available live on your radio, cell line are here on any smart website.insecure.com. We are broadcasting live from man to satellite and soon after in any podcast plan. They said yes to suffering the tenacity of the human spirit� And by in the carriage to keep going for, despite any obstacle with the help of God and each other. We do provide testimonials to let people know that they're not alone, and this shall the testimony started with me having been survivor from child abuse well into young adulthood. We also have experts in the field and inspirational speakers are willing to help us with valuable information.

Knowing that education is necessary. Awareness is crucial in conferences needed. I do believe we all suffer or have suffered from something and we hope to be a source of healing for each other. My healing from God that other forms of healing. A percentage as well to service everyone life can be very challenging, but always now. There's always someone cares. There is always hope. This only played earlier was rare by Selena Gomez when I hear this song. All I can think of is rare. We may not have at all that we have what it takes how even aware that were not created to conform with the world, but to stand out, it means that we choose to do the unexpected, not react in the usual way the sun pleasantly surprised. It's a little bit more difficult.Road of a true disciple keeps the word of God. It doesn't matter how many great deeds we may be doing or how spiritual we may feel we all fall short. We are all sinners, God is slow to anger, but in today's world being slow to anger seems rare receipt on the roads on TV on social media and our environment. We could have everything down just right. Yet some of us really struggle with anger since you really walk and talk like Jesus.

It's rare, and since were made in his image. We are called to be rare. We are capable of being rare but when it comes to anger. How do we get there today. We have Dr. Vicki Coleman anger, Dr. that's rare.

I do know that existed she had any issues with anger also Dr. Vicki Coleman is internationally recognized behavioral health specialist Amazon number one best-selling author. Expert speaker talkshow host Dr. Vicki Coleman the anger.

Dr. affectionately called Dr. Vicki.

She has dedicated her long and extremely successful career to helping her clients and audiences understand the causes and effects of this emotion and then about how to deal with it to anger management and her own unique program that helps when gaining positive perspective of oneself. Dr. Vicki holds many decrees and certifications, to name a few master's in counseling counselor from North turn Illinois University doctorate in counseling psychology from Rutgers University and certified anger management facilitator Dr. Vicki Inc. you for being with us in the show live on the care. Thank you so much Amy. I really appreciate talk about the issue, Dr. Vicki almost all struggle with some aspects of anger, telling how is the best way to handle it.

You state that anger issues then from low self team well. I believe that first of all, anger is a valid emotion and we all have a right angry, depending on the circumstance can't, however, we don't have a right to respond inappropriately to the anger and in my work with anger management, conflict resolution communication skill domestic violence.

I believe that the source of all of our anger is our Dell and I like to focus on the when I work with individuals who are anger or anger management issues. Okay, so basically their perception of things. I mean like you can be really bothered by the idea of suffering. You can think something's a part of life and it's a great way to grow and learn and I'm willing to take the good with the bad love is all about. So they're talking about how you look whether you can feel the emotion help me. I look at several areas felt cut and paste on my work. My research and work adopted by psychologist Dr. Dr. Warren and they have developed that increment called self-concept from that instrument their work that I have gathered my program to help address our self-concept team and I would like to. I identify and explain the areas of self-concept and they are personal self-concept difficult so family self-concept, social self-concept, academic work, financial self-concept and moral ethical conduct, I believe that be areas.

Amy comprise who we are. All of the different we are. We are what we do and be areas so because these are all opportunities for us getting angry yet yet areas and the type I believe it's important to identify which area felt Hathcock some stress, or stress and that way I others and develop an appropriate intervention. For example, if the area distress or dysfunction is family self-concept and we would need to look at the entire family. The different family members, the triggers and stress soars that have caused anger and then I can help identify appropriate strategies or interventions deal with the anger and I mean a lot, especially PTSD and then couple that with the dysfunctional family that doesn't help and I learned can really change other people and their reactions. You can always make sure they don't change you and who you truly are. Regardless of who they been to you of what they've done to you and I'd like to highlight the comment you just made about, we cannot change other.

However, we can change how we respond to other we can change ourselves ON changing our spell we can work appropriately on two other. We may not even be aware aspects of our lives is causing this figure for which a program to be extremely official for those that have an issue with anger which I have to admit I wanted, then any nobodies except from anger and have learned I learned to be patient and now instead of getting angry at inpatient situations. I think a great opportunity to practice patience yet examining oneself in terms of anger and general self-concept. Typically it is an opportunity to learn and grow, learn better communication because I classify anger, and anger management under the category of basic communication and we learn inappropriate anger upon from our environment. For example, we talked about family self-concept. If one child grows up in an environment where there yelling and screaming and fighting and domestic violence and appropriate responses to conflict, then that is what the child has learned and on time to look into the family situation violence exactly I many capital and is we will continue to this goal and if you'd like to talk about anger.

Old Bill is an anger story and one 866-34-TRUTH life can bring many difficult situations, domestic violence, addictions, poverty, sexual abuse by your loved ones. The issue is not steady their book to overcome all obstacles and show that with the love of God, your husband and your family. You can succeed.

Love is the answer. God is the key word reveals baby Cabo's life, a warrior who didn't give up and achieve the dream of her life. You can get to know more about her at her story on God is the key word.com or buying her book on Amazon.com that was modern loneliness by love.

It's pretty lonely when we have it all and always depressed. We can love our friends and eventually icily until we realize that we get what we can and we should get what we can take that extra step put forth your best effort gave others.

You all your moments that make us angry neediness mistreated me this moments will always come, the soul, a modern loneliness. We all suffer from that's practice until God teaches us to act like an which is what brings us peace. Remember that you can listen to the radio show life with Europe under Amy, it also would like to know the compass we started letters, no suggestions for us so that we can play on the show thrower conduct this breach of God is the get up girl. Any if we play, you will receive a $25 gift certificate talking to Dr. Vicki Coleman is helping us adjust anger, Dr. Vicki just before we got up there talking about outside influences dysfunctional families and things like that. Honest with you it's not just in our families, the environment, sometimes people honk at even the street for no reason at all and sometimes people forget how to be nice and it can be difficult. I'll be honest.

So what I think is act like Jesus. And that's what helps me because society tells me I should behave in an angry way.

Why because that's what everybody else does, because that's the norm, not just what we learned from our dysfunctional family. So the only way that I been able to combat that is just how would Jesus react what would Jesus do, and it's the best feeling in the world. By the way I that we do need an anchor enter moral role religious and often times people don't have a reason for me a reason to live, which also translate into them. Not like and salt can be an inappropriately fun back to the family environment. Our educational every area of our lives by. And if we had not learn appropriate strategies and techniques were responding, hoping for dealing with as you indicated we could have some major challenges right because we don't want to avoid the situation. We just learned how to respond in the appropriate manner and I think you have woman model of self-concept died, I could probably address some of those issues.

I think it focuses on. I'll repeat those again recently, personal self-concept concept family concept social self-concept, academic work, financial, moral, spiritual. Another area that I like Don Amy decision-making every day. We literally made hundred.

However, I have run into very few people who have ever had a board and division making decision-making very important in our lives skill that can be learned and one of my areas of my model is also to teach people how to make decision or example of where and challenging wage and choose how to recon and I like people to undergo an experience. My vision making program such that when they're in a situation where they became angry or threatened and they can fit down and decide how they're going to respond appropriately inappropriate.

It's actually seeing sometimes you act on impulse.

Immediately yet, but it feels like what we want to do.

This feels like the right thing.

I call that the first thought from pickpocket.

That's the temptation now you take a moment to think. It's amazing what happened with Guy my life. I actually take moments to think and I have been making decisions because of so physically think more like a suggestion that is yet or somewhere times in my dream I referred time out or we make back example, and read the Lee there are other strategies we can take the 40 make that final terms of our going to link you can think this response. What would be the this response that I make my point that I feel better than I feel like I know what I'm doing and you know and to think that way.

Let's respond and always when yer when you think me you know you have to think well what is going to be the result of what I'm saying is he gonna bring a result of the situation as it can end the situation is in writing helpful in my being kind is something that will make her or him happy rather than being argumentative. For example, that just fuels the fire and it just makes both people angry. I think every thought of an argument that if you help maybe that's where Manga is going for a so what is argumentative, like the person that is argumentative with the person is getting angry.

Well, oftentimes we can situation the lady and that perfect opportunity to step back, take a deep breath and make that and decide how were going to reap and I appreciate your comments about the results of our response. Oftentimes, we don't think up a comp plan of our behavior consequences if you respond to certain way, what are the implications for Bell or the other person for the environment for the community because a lot of times we make our own misery just by our responses and then to get worse and worse because it just gets worse. It's just better to do the thing to begin with, even if it's more difficult to think of Dr. Vicki that the people can be addicted to anger like up they cannot leave without anger is like essential part of their life even if it keeps them alive and makes them miserable but I think they can be addicted because they have learned behavior learned behavior going back to their childhood, maybe even adolescent for Delta and some people they like that pipe like that type of drama in their lives and also oftentimes very challenging for people to change. For example, and in a domestic violence situation. Male or female. Sometime what you know what is more, so we left because most will return here, this is Amy, remember where life every Saturday I gave you not to care life Saturday at 1 PM, Amy Kaplan, Boris. You can on the radio. I think you know website got secure.com is also available as a book cost review posttest just look for the cure within government both Christian. I was following by Chapel Trevor Daniel. I love that song. I love the songs I think it's it's amazing to some plate in my mind all the yesterday but here's my take. I'm sure God Frustrated the last time it made him feel like you would never try again.

But then Jesus came, made as an exception. As he poured his love unto us in God's eyes we are the only one eating at times out of our minds. I can imagine God suggesting come closer I'll give you all my love, if you cheat me right. I'll give you everything in that or how much they try to break us down. Always keep in mind that God can always let the soft okay so we also want to remind you about the compost we started.

Let us know suggestion for so that we can blame the show grow or conduct. This page of God is the cure.com and if we play it, you will receive a $25 gift certificate and we have a winner. It will be next. Some, but in the meantime, we do yet. In the meantime when talking to Dr. Vicki: about addressing Dr. Vicki and our last pay.

We talked about being addicted to anger Wendy know what the problem I mean I know that old habits are very hard to bring in somebody who feels like it's in their genes or it's part of their condition or it's because of their past. I mean, when it's it's something that when is it considered a problem is. Could it possibly be a disorder. Is there an angry disorder located be taking care of yet. I would say anger is a problem when it starts to interfere with our day-to-day activity in those areas that I've identified our personal cell physical felt, our family fell well work, financial, health, moral, ethical, when we, for example, at work, if you're having problems with our coworkers and their being challenged at our Pfizer or human resources indicates that there are some communication issues and it is a challenge that is a problem and any time during our day-to-day normal functioning, then it is a problem and it must be extra. What actual disorders like more than one person that is a disorder or certain demonic stages of bipolar disorder. Bipolar depression and teach you the often anger is also manifest in Marion. Health disorders and ex-wife even more challenging and why we address it immediately once it's identified as an issue should be addressed immediately and be more challenging but it's possible it's possible because anything is possible with God. At least thinking to me.

I thought I was impossible very possible. This is very possible that you are doing these Dr. Vicki you know if you got a wonderful and you can people can people use anger as an excuse.

I mean even a defendant. I leave you, but it's not that people in the 21st century global economy know that you are a reason for inappropriate behavior and that flight must be addressed with respect to addressing anger.

The major category I would consider conflict resolution. We have not been taught how to conflict and we see so many examples of inappropriate resolution of conflict in the family and our educational system at work and are designed in the news almost daily and appropriate anger, and I feel that we need to begin to teach about anger and anger management and conflict resolution no later than first grade probably at the preschool level, and even I believe because we've been getting into conflict preschool level and so it's very boring that we teach the skill. Oftentimes I will ask the audience to question number one. Have you ever had a course in decision-making and number two have yet ever had a course, nothing anger or anger management most often times I was 99% of the time. No one has had that type of training and that's very disturbing to me because if we don't know how to bond appropriately were going to respond according to the way we learned and up during childhood and adolescence to adulthood.

Well I didn't go to any anger management on anything like that. They figured out you know there's the external environment dear things beyond my control and I know that getting angry only made me feel bad ninja like an older like a bad person. I didn't like it lets no good.

So now I think of Opal would Jesus do, or how can I stop these people and not get angry, you know, and I walk around feeling victorious and I walk around feeling great and it's just so much better not to get angry and to PDF told and just deal with things even if that's the way that everybody else would normally react even if it's something that X.

It's expected of you. It doesn't have to be.

And you can think of books and classes any anything that if it doesn't feel right. It shouldn't be and eat you up a way I avoid situations that would make me angry.

Another reason for training you make me that anger.Physiological, psychological, theological, political application, but one way an individual can determine if he or she anger have is causing problems in how does one deal when one is angry and I don't feel good when you're angry. Not a good feeling. Actually, it could lead to depression may be the only person the only thing the person struggling with it can be very thing because you know depression leads to so many other problems.

What you know that you cannot, you're not capable.

Let's see you you're angry at your boss. I need it just got shot not capable of responding in an appropriate manner as bottling up anger inside and you don't know I channel it appropriately. When does a person know they need counseling.

Well, oftentimes, for example, I've done a lot of work. I have worked in the past with the city of Las Vegas Ct. and also privately one knows when there is a challenge or problem when Babylon is mandated. I've worked with a lot of clients who were mandated to get some type of anger.

Anger management counseling and training.

I've also worked with people who have self-referred so if you want know if you're in a relationship. For example, your partner said all mandated anger artwork with individuals who were mandated by colleges and universities Fortune 500 corporation not-for-profit working family intervention mandated aspect and then there felt challenging courses. The individual who is mandated, oftentimes the mandated individual will tell me I'm not angry I'm just taking this class for the counseling because I was mandated to do so angry like provoking sure I get angry right to make them angry because I'm in the back. You are anger. I bet he or she participate actively participate in my program, so I'm sure that the field some anger and getting everybody. It's only normal that we would continue talking going to break now, so we went back to continue talking with Dr. Gorman, please call us at 1866 34 through 20 speak about angry. Hugs one 866-34-TRUTH you will will will she.

Thanks for being the best meanie And this is the care you can listen every Saturday at 1 PM Eastern have an app called the care and social media website, CQ.com and you we are talking with Dr. Dr. Vicki Conant about how to addressing the sound they just played less.

What a beautiful name.

It is, I have some worship this beautiful song was played just a little longer because it's the suggestion of one of our listeners. He so Leo, if you're listening.

Thanks for the beautiful song and congrats is the latest song choice winner. You can take a better song because there's no sweeter named in the name of Jesus. It resonates in our hearts sets fire to her soul and unites the world Christ the King is the reason ways we has aspired to do better. The limits and wanted it and there's no rest and always do our best. Thank you God for making life once again with living will be sending your 25 those gifts of the literature shows you Dr. Vicki. When someone is angry when his hand out, letting it below are is that not a good idea. Well, I think that I work with what I want them to acknowledge their anger and then I want to help them identify triggers. In other words, what has made them angry and we talked 06 areas that identify personal physical family work environment. The community is at the United global economy.

There so many triggers in our lives and that trigger different behavior work was very important that number one the individual acknowledge that he or she is angry and I support them in understanding that it's okay to be angry. It's not the anger. How we respond to it in some kind of response might be mental health counseling. Sometimes the response might be talking to either sometimes to respond to the trading and community activities are one feel he or she is able to make a different so that the response is the only thing really that we can control. If you know that the end result of two people getting angry is not resolving the situation as if you can do nothing about the external environment. At least you can make yourself feel better. I think oftentimes people don't realize they have the option your alternate different types of font do everything right and not just black or white or one response or the other. We have opportunities to identify options or alternatives who are we and I see that as my role help individual first acknowledge that he or she is angry.

Secondly, identify the triggers and then I will facilitate the process of looking at alternative responses to the anger so that person feel better about what about if we like to go question.

If you have like a person lives to bring you do you try to call him though. Just looking what I do when I see that someone is very angry with me. I will usually say excuse me, I'm going to walk away or if I'm on all outlay I think we need to end the conversation now and talk later. After you calm down. Because if you try to calm the other person down the outcome might not be positive or what we wanted to be because he or she might see that as challenging the Betty they might not be ready. They made us confronting or responding might make that person more angry. I love the walking away one are about this. I use that with my teenagers about this when you're more able to talk about it at most I think from what you just stated Amy, I think most people will accept people know when they're angry and they know what to being out of control before it. They really resell you for Cinelli so not only are you reacting in a positive way to your anger you showing them how to diffuse and walk away from an English situation. You don't have to act. The minute you are angry you can wait for well cure yeah important teachable moment because as I've stated there are different ways to respond appropriately challenge that we are not often taught, so you know like an anger management Monday. Did you know the person is ready is like a superlow process along that yeah know that you long does it take to realize you got well it went. When mandated income. I will conduct very initial assessment and evaluation of comprehensive investment and that will give me some more information about their background including their physical self. Comprehensive medical history and after I conduct the initial effect in an evaluation.

I discussed with the person make a recommendation as to how many sessions were how many times we should meet frequently when I get mandated client. The judges don't say how long they need to see me which I think is really appropriate and I will tell yes they got they won't pay five or 20 sessions now from court depending on usually for domestic violence. They will issue a mandate in terms of the number of session but with respect to anger management or impulse control. They leave it up to the provider to determine how many sessions with the appropriate and it could be. II can't say what number is on the individual his or her background, the environment, the context and also most importantly the source of the anger or the triggers that's going to determine how often I need to meet with that individual for the duration of his or her program is reaching the end of the show. Do you have any last minute words for angry people that made for everyone for all and I would encourage everyone mandated or not. Additional support and training and resources related to communication skill anger anger management and conflict resolution. More information on Dr. Vicki can be found on anger DR.com subject: thank you so much for being on the show and it it's really really helpful information. God bless you and thank you. I want to thank both of you for this opportunity and also indicate that your show is very call me so I will even recommend that people listen to your show on a weekly basis at the North anger management training is a recommendation. I think you you take and thank you to our audio could use a Jasper for being with us today to go tobacco and he plays the songs. That's really important. And Robbie, he's our inspiration. The guy is always listening to him. Let's pray heavenly father if he surpasses all my understanding when anger rises within me. Please call my mind and sees my heart with your gentle words fill my whole life with your perfect peace.

May my personality be shaped by your peace rather than my frustration with your Holy Spirit in my life I can overcome anger, may I reflect your character being slow to anger, and rich in steadfast love. Look upon me, and cost your face to shine upon me to Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And there's no one anger is tough, so we need more prayers, everlasting father, help me feel calm when they become angry when pressuring conflict make me feel surrounded remind me that I'm surrounded by your present when you are with me. I have no need to lash out in anger. Please remove my anger towards other people and replace it with your trust at the trust in your prop provision and care may confident in your love replace any anger about myself and when I feel angry to unmet expectations remind me that action cannot be found in you the love of the father, the grace of the son and the power of the lease. With us today through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please check our book of the cure with Amy, power up your website next week. Much love