When is it OK to Divorce and Remarry?

Good morning summa church and welcome at our campuses in the Raleigh-Durham area. You have a Bible invite you take it out and opened it to the gospel of Matthew. The first gospel chapter 19 Matthew 19 verse three we are in we can before INR from the beginning series. The basis of the series, the logic behind it is whenever Jesus was asked a question about marriage or sex relationships. He almost always would base his answer on what God had established from the beginning so using that same logic in teaching. We are looking our toughest questions about marriage and sex and relationships first wave you look at how God had designed sex from the beginning in the second week you look at what God's plan is for us when we are not married men were single is God's design that everybody in the marriage is the complete life in the answer to that is know that from the beginning God has had other things for certain people in different stages of her life last week.

Look at what the Bible says about same-sex attraction on this way will you look at how to get the difficulty in marriage, and what to do after a divorce or basically what the Bible says about divorce, have to admit to you that when I sat down this past week to start working on this message. I never imagined that I would feel so relieved to be working on a sermon on divorce, but after the stress of delivering a message on same-sex attraction last week talking about divorce feels like a walk in the park so that one of our pastors last week said after the heaviness of last week I maybe should just walk on the stage this week with a bunch of puppies or something so I can do that but I do have this image for you, so maybe that'll help some. Divorce has affected a lot of people in our church and in our unity. Some of you have gone through it yourselves, as some of you are going through it right now for many of you while you watch your parents get divorced and it affected you deeply.

I want you to know that whatever situation that you are you and I do not come judgmentally on this, I know that for many of you, this was one of the most painful times in your life and it's something that if you could have avoided it. You certainly feel like you would have done whatever you could have avoided it just felt like for whatever reason you couldn't so I am not come judgmentally to you. Some Christians talk about divorce as if it is the unforgivable sin, as if it's the one thing you can never really come back from you walk around from that point with a scarlet D attached to your your chest or whatever but I want to show you that that is a lie and I hope to show you that abundantly today and while not everyone is divorced. Of course we all have brokenness in our relationships.

In fact, that's probably the one thing that we all have in common.

The one thing we have in common relation to, families, and our relationships is conflict very hurtful conflict and learning to press through that in the keep the family intact is something that's very difficult and it's something that is one the most essential skills that you have to develop in be in any kind of relationship and certainly in family is the one thing that we try to prepare you for an premarital counseling but it never works because going into marriage. You just write conflicts not really on your radar screen. Not much but am it when you do get in it. They say that that there's five different generally five different conflict styles and the spouse quite often usually is never, you know, the same style as you have heard of the beast.

Five a. Some of you with conflict or what we call peacemaker right you just want smooth things over you only want to talk about. You just want to move on how many got the stuffer.

It will you which is similar but you did cram everything in you down as I are you okay I thought, how are you sure identify you know and and and and this is how you deal with conflict then you got the soaker I see some of you looking at one another and now I thought I was you raise your hand and identify yourself if you were in this one we do it if I if I described your spouse want your razor and writer is what I'm talking about the soaker the soaker somebody who doesn't fight back. They just sulk around until they sent out the subtle vibes about what's really bothering them. Some of you are the litigator, the litigator your good arguer and so you want your spouse to see that you're never wrong. It's not that we can't admit that were wrong. It's that we just legitimately feel like we are never wrong that I do slip in the first person pronoun there what you know then you got the screamer that's self explanatory or something for the rules the universe. You just never marry, some by the same conflict style as you have there. Some of you that you were peacemakers are you were a stuffer and you married screamer entering your first argument in marriage you wanted to be like demons, how how what does happen to you when Veronica and I were in premarital counseling together. The one session that we ran out of time for with conflict resolution, I kid you not run. It reminded me of that this week and at the time we thought it's okay we we never really fight that was a strategic oversight impact this week. My wife said she said why do we do premarital counseling before people get married and I said well because is called premier counseling and that she didn't know. I mean like why she said because when you're when you're when you're leading up to marriage. The stuff sounds relevant because those want to write out the other. She said if you were to send this stuff to me after our current during our first year marriage, I would grab a hold of it like a drowning mandala like reserve or something like that is probably a great point, but the conflict is inevitable in a marriage, and it destroys a lot of marriages, God intended it. However, to not destroy your marriage. It actually he intended to make you more like him and he intended it to be something that would ultimately strengthen your marriage and so learning how to think through this is a crucial dimension of any family, I'm certainly marriage first to do is start by looking at what Jesus teaches about divorce and then using that word in a address some of the questions that you and I have surrounding that. So, with Matthew chapter 19 verse three warn you it's really heavy really quick so. Verse 19, Bert met Matthew 19 verse three and the Pharisees came up to Jesus and they they tested in is not a real question. This is a trap I say is it lawful Jesus to divorce one's wife for any cause, and he answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning thing. Then there's Arthur's auto made them male and female he suited it and he goes back to the beginning and says let's look at what how this will set out every read this and therefore man. Based on this, shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and Sue and Mary shall actually become one flesh is a quote from Genesis 2, so they are no longer two individuals. They are now one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Not another man not unite your spouse. Nobody separated verse seven so they said to him, well live in did Moses command us to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away.

It was true. Moses had said in Deuteronomy 24 one. When a man takes a wife and marries her if he finds some indecency in her, he could divorce so so Darrell I wet how Jesus you know you're saying we should get divorce but Moses that we could for the record, you should never get into a battle of wits with Jesus stressing out about the Bible.

I know I offer them. I'm got me this.

I think it's called the Bible quiz app on your phone or whatever but you you know that you just place my random around the United States and trust that pretty confidently, to lie to you because I'm like a PhD in theology at the Bible for 11. I started that pretty confident I got matched up with some guy in Idaho who kicks my tail every three challenges every time I loot what they know about the Bible in Idaho, losing even thought you were the Bible says that we sometimes entertain angels unaware. Maybe this guy's an angel that God has put the home will make every single time so I don't know who this guy is. I don't know if you're listening to our podcast, but thief in the night 4212 to you my brother got it going on and some of you are like what your name when I'm not telling you my screen name on what you quiz a meeting and beating me not get out.

These guns and Moses is my my. So anyway how I feel with this guy is how the Pharisees felt with Jesus because they were it was always stressed they could never win with them but they Doing this and so he says to them because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you divorce your wives, but from the beginning, there it is again. It was not so rabbis at the time, taught a difference between what they call a command in the wall and a concession command express God's heart command showed what God had desire from the beginning that was different than a concession which was something that God allowed in the wall because of man's fallen condition in order to keep peace in the society that was filled with people with various levels of spiritual maturity. This allowance for divorce.

Jesus said was not a command.

It was a concession due to man's fallen nature, the Pharisees actually knew that many of the rabbis at the time, taught the difference between the command in a concession, but this was their trap.

What did Moses mean exactly by something indecent.

That's what he said you could divorce your spouse if you find something indecent in our what with you what that mean because the words in Hebrew or what the bar something indecent actually really unambiguous, even for people who spoke Hebrew and there were generally two schools of thought about what those two words met hot rabbis should not represent one school of thought he thought he taught that indecent net sexual indecency, meaning that Moses was saying that if a man discovered his wife had been sexually unfaithful than he could like the bar he could divorce her and he is represents the conservative position of the day. He was the religion correspondent for the Fox news is that on the other side you have Rabbi Hillel, now Hillel was a bit more. The progressive type you live in Chapel Hill you have a prissy course in MSNBC news is on the Rachel Maddow show until Hillel said indecent means anything you like about her.

Maybe she has indecent behavior at a party or indecent cooking skills are a indecent morning breath and I should not really even exaggerating about that we have record of Hillel saying if she consistently burns the bread like a bar, you may divorce her hung Hillel so if you follow love with her about the bar or somebody else if you fall in love with somebody else or what the bar divorce her. Here's the thing.

The majority of the Jewish world was on the side of Rabbi Hillel my there will be more on the progressive side and so what you're trying to do is get Jesus to say something deeply unpopular done a number of interviews but they want to voice your PBS, and they are always trying to get you say something that put you in a soundbite of the big and broadcasted where make you look like an idiot conduct of the try to do Jesus.

Furthermore, John the Baptist had just been imprisoned and executed for speaking out against casual divorce and remarriage and so the Pharisees think okay Herod killed John the Baptist as John the Baptist speaks out against casual divorce and remarriage.

Maybe we can get Jesus to say something similar. May we get him imprisoned and executed to so what is Jesus's answer verse nine and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality, and marries another Big Bang commits adultery.

Jesus actually farther than Rabbi Shabbat.

The more conservative than the conservative side because he give something stronger than that. The basis of his answer. And this is a key part is what God established from the beginning is not just for sexual morality.

You're the ones committing adultery. If you could divorce your spouse and marry somebody else marriage he says is a relationship in which God uses two lives in the one that's the idea that Sue according to Genesis to become one flesh. I've explained in marriage or finances become one. Your bodies and your emotions become one, insects or families in your futures become one marriage is more than a contract where you find a mutually beneficial relationship.

It's more than companionship. It's more than an ideal setting for procreation. It is the literal union of two distinct persons in the one Paul would go so far as to say it demonstrates the Trinity the Trinity the Trinity is distinct persons. One essence pulses. That's what's happening in marriage to persons what happened and that kind of unity can't. As we walked away from Jesus and Paul both say it's not a contract, renegotiate terms and have a buyout option.

It's a fusion of your life and the bare life that makes an entirely new entity to verse six what therefore God has joined together, let not man, not unite your spouse, not anybody but nobody separated. In the sentence. No, no � no answer. No FinePrint no recommended reading finish the enzyme is either to visions of marriage in Jesus's day just like there are two today I there is what we would call the consumer approach and there is the covenant approach, a consumer relationship is where you figure out what you need and who or what can best meet that need now is and there's nothing wrong with consumer relationships in the right context. I have a consumer relationship with my grocery store I go to my grocery store I know people. I like them there on Monday to my name and only by name, but you negative because they're close to my house prices in the red box right outside is good. If I find a grocery store that is more convenient if I find one that has better prices than I begin to go there and that's okay because it's a consumer relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. I do not have that kind of relationship with my children.

I do not go to my kids can say you know Ryan, this is just not working out, honestly, it's not you it's me, but I've actually been hanging out with the neighbors kids in happier within the city, and so on. And after you know, of course not. Nobody would do that because none of you would do that because you know that your relationship with your kids is not a consumer relationship. So the question is what kind of relationship with sex and marriage procedure sleeping with somebody you're not married to them. When you look at it as a consumer relationship or if you are the kind of person that just gets divorce because is not working out for you, then you are treating it like a consumer relationship, but according to Jesus is not that kind of relationship at all, marriage is a not a consumer but say it covenants. So is it ever okay to divorce what Jesus says that divorce because of this should not be an option except in the case of adultery. Now why would that be an exception. The logic of this is very very important in the logic is more important than just fixing on that. The one exception because the logic is that you can help you explain some other places in the Bible and some of the questions you and I might bring to this date was in the logic. Adultery kills the covenant when someone unifies themselves to another person. Sexually they had destroyed the covenant with you on this is the reason the same reason.

By the way, you're free to remarry after your spouse dies your covenant with him. His dad because they're dead will. Adultery kills the covenant which makes divorce a legitimate option, you say well is that the only exception in first Corinthians 7. Paul seems to employ the same logic and actually apply it to a different situation of classical logic is important what was in this first permit 710 to the married I give this charge not I but the Lord. In other words, I'm quoting Matthew 19 he's referring back to what we just read the wife should not separate coding.

So in Greek, which was vernacular term for divorce the wife should not separate from her husband. But if she dies she should remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should I divorce his wife. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her she should not divorce him situation in Corinth was a bunch of new Christians, first generation church.

A lot of people spouse and not become believers and that many of those unbelieving spouses were not only not going to church with them. They were mocking them and making things really difficult for them.

It's a lot of these people thought well it would just be so much easier if I was married to somebody whose faith was like my surely God does not want me to be in a home where I get no spiritual support were mocked all the time God wants me to be with somebody who would encourage me spiritually. So for spiritual reasons like it's best for me and the family that I get divorced and remarried and Paul's is no, not even for spiritual reasons, even if you think it's better for you spiritually to separate you stay married because marriage is not a contract where you figure out what the best way that you can be benefited if it's a covenant where you actually become one with somebody else and you know one body. That's a fundamentally different type of relationship plus Paul says God has you in the unbelievers life for a reason about you anymore anyway. Verse 14 for the unbelieving husband is made only because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children will be unclean because it is a holy was at me and we certainly not meaning that because your Savior muddy your family automatically saved one holy there. It implies that your separated and it means that when you got a believer living in a house his or her faith ends up being the front row theater for everybody else to get a really good glimpse of what the gospel looks like that is a unique privilege is to not abandon Matt's. It was a guy in our church who told me that his and his family.

The only person who was a Christian, was the grandmother not the grandfather, not any the ants not in the uncles not his parents.

He said today every single grandchild is a follower of Jesus Christ. There are some of you that are in that exact situation and Paul's like you're there for a reason you want to look back and you want to think God it's not. It's is not fulfilling to me and it's as miserable as miserable of me. Paul says hey I might be me with this. What is not about you. Jesus didn't die on the cross as an act of self-fulfillment.

He did it to save us. So that's what you want to approach everything in your life including your marriage.

Now verse 15 chapter 7 I'm going, but at the unbelieving partner separates. Let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved, and probably a better translation there is bound and what that means is you're no longer bound in that marriage covenant. You're free to remarry.

Why is that because God has called you to peace means when the unbeliever says I can't take this and they leave no longer bound to the marriage because they have listened to this killed the covenant he sees the same logic that Jesus use the covenant stands until it has been killed and when it has been killed and you are free so people say well what if there's technically not adultery.

And what if it's not technically an unbelieving spouse that has left but what if one spouse is abusive or they're involved in illegal activity year and they keep putting your family in danger, first of all, you should definitely get yourself out of the situation of danger immediately, as far as divorce goes, many Bible scholars say that the logic apologies to statements here may allow for divorce when a spouse has killed the covenant by getting to a place where they are unable to be lived with you and your kids. For example, are in danger because of that hump that does not mean that they've gotten annoying to you, or that there different person or there is not doing it for you anymore. It's talking about something extreme like adultery or this kind of dangerous abuse or all of these dangers but it but just this kind of abuse I would just tell you because I can't get into every situation and without even knowing your situation is the kind of thing that you ought to do under close advisement of the elders and pastors of your church and Christian counselors. That's why God gave you a church. I know it many times a spatial separation may be in order. Perhaps even a long one to give one spouse a space to repent. If they refuse to after a long period of time. They may have an effect have left the marriage and so first printed 715 you would no longer be bound again. I would only this is why God gave the church that you do this in close consultation with your pastors and spiritual leaders but the bigger point I'm been trying to make that real not try to get and all the specifics. The bigger point is this from the beginning God established marriage is a covenant not in any way as a consumer relationship to become one divorce should therefore be as radical as amputating an arm or leg. There are times when amputation is necessary, but any doctor that just prescribes amputation on a whim is going to run out of practice you can hang now is like not with antedated not just prenatal ugly freckles. Varicose veins love cut it off. Amputation is the last thing that you would do because you want to keep the body intact. The same way that Jesus is is how we think about marriage, the two is not a contract.

It is a covenant to become 12 using the time that I have left. Let me use that logic in that teaching to deal with three very practical questions that I get most often about this. The first of is how do I stay in a difficult marriage number two if I am divorced. Should I get remarried in the number three. If I'm divorced and remarried. How does God see me. So here's number one. How do I stay in a difficult marriage you five quick things cliquish that I weeded out to to remember right A. It would do 1/31 of all you need to reject once and for all the right person. Myth number the right personnel who underwritten the second week the right personnel says that there is a right person out there for you and a happy life is determined by you. Finding a person to person you to be unhappy and you're unhappy now. Your marriage is because you can find the right person, you may have thought when you're young and stupid that they were the right person, but then you got married and now you your your your your your taste have matured and you recognize what you don't want in a spouse and this person no longer fits that in so it's probably better to just acknowledge that you got married to the wrong person to cut bait and the fish somewhere else and that's kind of the idea behind this is the myth that is pervasive in our culture and it destroys singleness and it destroys marriages and you need to just get rid of it out of your mind altogether because that same week because you always bury the wrong person because you're a sinner in their center and are not God. Therefore going to be the wrong person for you and furthermore you change in marriage or this Saturday was sociologist was saying you know I'm did you get married in your mid-20s and yesterday married into your 70 pieces.

There's like your at least five different people through that time Veronica JD that Veronica married in her 20s is not the JD of today I'm a totally new guy would like Albee to do God's will done.

We get to marry the right person at the wrong person in the best you can hope for marriage. I told you is less of a bad match is the best you can hope for is everybody ends up being a bad match and you realize God's purpose in marriage is not to restore the missing part of your soul's main purpose of marriage is to make you more like him. By teaching you to love knowing center like your spouse the way that he loves you right and that's really what was happening to us and wanted you love. Let me know. I'm not trying to say but you don't really generally love your spouse.

I so love my wife. I just like every year there are new death Star her and then just your beauty means I don't want to make it visible understand God's main purpose is not to make me happy in giving me the lost missing part of my soul is main purpose. Gary Thomas, as of the make me holy. Not happy, but holy by making me be more like him. So you need to reject this right person myth altogether because it's what's ultimately I'd say that vast majority of divorces are driven by belief, and that myth here is the second thing B. Difficult marriage. How do you stay in it be you do it for Jesus. The covenant we made was first and foremost to him was first and foremost to him. Veronica said to me recently. Recently, in the midst of a little tussle that we rent. She said you know there are times when we are in the midst of one of these conflagrations were marriages going up in flames and I will look at you and I will think he does not deserve my kindness.

He deserves a punch in the throat, but she says but then I look at sometimes I look actually take a look through you and I see Jesus Christ standing behind you, and I recognize that while you may not be worthy of my forgiveness or my kindness. He always is. And so I respond first and foremost to him and only secondly to you because he is worthy and you're come to be a jerk and that's exactly what Ephesians 432 says, be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, because the person that you're forgiving really does need to second chance and they deserve it.

For that he says wrong. Okay, forgive one another because that's what God and Christ did for you and so it is appropriate that you respond to him by forgiving your spouse so you do it for Jesus. Ultimately, the one that you first serve in any marriage is always him and your response is always first to him only second to the person that is in front of you. Listen we don't get divorced because we fall out of love with our spouse we get divorced because we don't take seriously our obedience to Jesus which leads me to C goes hand-in-hand with us and soak yourselves in God's grace, soak yourselves in God's grace precedes this teaching on divorce. Matthew 19 Matthew 18 just looking to get about a look at it. Matthew 18 verse 22 is where Peter comes up to Jesus and says, Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother seven times. I would love to know what was behind that statement is to be a great story there. Fix number 77 something spiritual number right seven something like it holy Jesus Raza say no. 70�7 map when he is not saying is your you keep a tally and move the dates from 7 to 490 and when they go for anyone and you go Old Testament on them that is not what he is saying.

Anytime you multiplied sevens in Hebrew culture, you were basically saying infinity was the number of completions Jesus name forever. And then Jesus tells a story that is in his most famous story of forgiveness is the most important parable that Jesus told, I think any relationship. Certainly, marriage is probably my favorite parable that he told I know I shared with you on a lot but it's the kind of thing up probably thought any beer numbers at least once a month. So for that you have heard it, let me just is what Matthew 18 Jesus explains what he needs to Peter by saying this. I guess Peter say you got a guy who was another guy 10,000 talents. Now a talent in that day was a large sum of money that amounted to about 20 years of wages for the average labor 10,000 was the highest number you counted to in Greek so you said 10,000 was like saying infinity so you got one guy who was another guy and infinity of money were talking you know Floyd Mayweather turned on the money writer and the day comes for his debt to be due now in those days if you could pay your debts when it was due. Then you entered into what they call a debtor's prison, which was where you would go into hard labor and little by little, you pay off your debt. Your kids would have to join you there. If when you date you died they died. You are all paid off the unit their kids would been goaded that this family is how one note family get you become slaves of LSM will the day comes for the sky to pay an eternity of debt back and he goes into the courtroom and he falls in his face and he says I don't have the money and he begins to weep and says please sir, just give me more time. Now everybody in the courtroom is, shaking her head and honestly embarrassed because this is a pathetic display right because the guy that owns, loans, other people money he didn't get to be in the place where he is.

Bobby pushover right we don't call them loan puppies or loan bunnies you call them loan sharks because if you don't pay your money date since I'm getting Bruno to your doorstep with a badly break your kneecap so this guys not pushover as everybody's, you have is looking down the relative awkwardness as God gravels in also the most unexpected thing happen.

Jesus says this loan sharks fills any motion that Jesus calls's blog not which is my favorite Greek word because it's onomatopoeia right supplied me on a lot of you will work. Sounds like what is blog not meant a gut level compassion supplement came from right on here so you get here than the words right.

It's fun to say was that spot down here. See sky come from right here. Sagan is ready and ready. That's exactly okay so Jesus says this guy feels this spot and that is compassionate is consumed with a wide intelligent but as you get the tear design� Quivering and he says, stand up you not have another week to pay me back because you know me more money. As of right now I forgive all your debt. Nobody according to believe it least of all the sky. He stands often is the surreal feeling and for the first time in his life.

He feels he's light as air is mountain eternity of debt is been gone so we walked out of the courtroom got a minute dazedly, walked across the street here comes a buddy of his rose and a dollar 50 for a Mountain Dew that he borrowed another week before, so this guy just got forgiven because of this other guy says hey where's my Vermont.

Dollar 50 and gotten them so I don't hundred dollar 50. I know what we can respond by grabbing his guy Jesus and by the throat and hold them off and save you on the dollar 50 you're going to debtor's prison. Now when she is telling the story. You can imagine everybody listen like that's a ridiculous nobody that just got forgiven an eternity of debt is to hold somebody else accountable for a dollar 50 Jesus is exactly does if you're not the kind of person who naturally and repeatedly forgives those people who hurt in sin against you, that it must be because you have no concept of the extravagant grace that God has shown to you because you're the one that got forgiven 10,000 talents. When you can't forgive other people of the dollar 50 infractions that they've done. It is shows how out of touch you are the grace of God and then he goes into the teaching on marriage because there was one thing that you and I probably would admit destroys more of our marriages it is that we have a hard time forgiving our spouse when they have heard us.

I am not trying to take lightly. Some of the hurt that you've gone into it is and it is significant.

I know that there are some things that happen to you that I am not sober, just dollar 50 infractions.

They are huge but I'm saying is huge as they are, they are nothing compared to what you and I did to Jesus on the cross and the extravagant grace that God gave to us and what will end up transforming a marriage is when you come to understand the extravagant grace you've been giving and you begin to respond in the same spirit with which God has treated you. Did you notice in Matthew 19 were Jesus said, Moses, David, because of the hardness of your heart, what leads us to divorce his hardness of heart, guess what softens the heart the grace of God toward us, softens our heart and it changes us and makes us into different people. I have told you what saved my marriage was this understanding is bronchitis, have a hard time forgiving each other, we will hold multi things are one another's head.

What saved my marriage is when it finally dawned me some explain this to me that you are first and foremost not somebody who needs to forgive your first and foremost, somebody who is been forgiven you are. First, the center and only second, you asked us and asked to forgive.

All you secondly sin against so you got to soak yourself in the grace of God as it will soften your heart and will change everything.

Here's D do it for others do it for others on what time of the sums and after the bid I did big idea here is an Pulver Caribbean seven is not about you it's about your other people in your family will know the stats on on on what divorce does to kids even beyond that will listen. We are watching world is learning about the love of God from our marriages, our kids learn about the unconditional love of God from our marriage and we teach our kids that when you annoy me. I leave and go to somewhere else.

You taught your kid a lie about the unconditional love of God. None of that for some of you that almost feels devastating because you're in a divorce situation. Tony was in the grace of God is amazing and we have people that are in the situation in God because they have looked to him.

God has filled their lives with gifts or in the church that I'm replace what you know happened in an marriage and so I'm not trying to dry discourage you but we don't do any favors of the grace of God by minimizing the potential damage of sin E last one get some counseling, get some counseling. One of the greatest gifts God is given to this church is Brad Hamrick and the team of counselors that undo what they do here, not just for the counselor they provide. Before the resources that they put out.

It will be a tragedy for you to be here not take advantage of that. So on seminar you.com. My wife and our third year of marriage when got some counseling. I always avoided it as I thought it meant like you are looking, you know, just really messed up but vicious itches. You need to you go to the doctor for a checkup. You ought to be the one to say let's let's let's think through this and get some counseling or question number two how should I get remarried I get remarried quickly here when divorce is legitimate. Remarriage is an option.

That's what Paul says realize it is because you can get remarried, doesn't mean that you should Paul in first Corinthians says that singleness can be a gift that you reject the right person at the off to be married to be complete and there's many of you that your singleness after divorce.

It might be better for you and your kids for you to stay single. Got my purposes in your time singleness. Jesus explained that Matthew 19 through a very unusual metaphor that you probably read over not had any idea what he thought about all 2012 there UNIX and so from birth there UNIX to be made UNIX by the men in their units of it made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. But the one who is able to receive this receive it like what unit is as your campus pastor what a eunuch is bullish to say that a eunuch function was speaking as a man with no sexual desire and Jesus says there's actually three different ways. He could've gotten that condition one. It may been known to them by somebody else.

He's a victim of injustice number two born that way. Number three I might've involuntarily entered into that for the sake of the kingdom of heaven when you're single.

It could be one of those three things sometimes serve some people who aren't married because God is and give them a desire for the opposite sex. So we go back to last week. There are some people were not married because this is for the kingdom of heaven. The specific assignments. There are others who are single because they're victims of injustice when Jesus says is UNIX can have a full and thriving life in the kingdom of God because life is not about your marriage situation. Life is about the God that you walk with right so should you get remarried I would just tell you first, you need to take the right person about the table. If you determine that yes remarriage is something God has for you. Here's a few questions I would give you, have you given God time to restore your previous marriage. It amazes me the speed at which people move through these things like they don't realize that it's like amputation. Even if you're separated or divorced. Now you gotta ask God to heal your previous marriage and give them time to do it. By the way, there is nothing that says that if your spouse committed adultery. You have to get divorced. Some of the strongest marriages that I know I'm back in the given to a particular interchurch that these marriages are some of the strongest marriages I've ever encountered, and both of them have adultery on one of the part one of the spouses in the past because God's amazing grace as he takes things that are broken and begin to mend them back together. So, no, don't rush into ask God to heal what has been broken even though they say that you should never acknowledge after the year that North Carlotta makes you between separation and divorce our counseling team says the minimum would be another year after that. Just let God heal you and involved that with counseling and divorce care. The stuff we offer here last question number three. If I am divorced and remarried. How does God see me from horse remarried. How does God see me and I told you the beginning that for many Christians you almost become a second-class Christian, you become this person will Scarlett be on your chest want you listen to what God says about himself in Jeremiah 38. God says for all of her dull adulteries.

I gave faithless Israel, a certificate of divorce. God has the audacity to call himself a divorced person. If I were to say to every it would every divorced person in this church stand up and God were here, God would stand up in that number. Now, obviously God there was no sin involved on his part in the divorce. Your divorce was a sin.

But in the cross and the resurrection. Jesus puts away the sin done by you and he overturns the send unto you because the cross teaches that the sins that we committed were actually put into Jesus's body and then I say, 53 system was beautiful thing it says that we wounded him for our sin, but by those very stripes we are healed. The very things that I inflicted in sin, God use those as is instrument of healing. The resurrection is where God spoke into the Jesus that I killed and he actually raised him from the dead use that resurrection to fill me with power. What that means is that the cross can forgive the sins done by you and he can heal the sins that are done to you. You might've made terrible mistakes in the process of your divorce. You made committed terrible sins. You can't change that now those mistakes don't mean that God is dumb with you because you are a new creation in Christ. The coming previous to you through. Probably the most scandalous story in the Bible calls it. Honestly, I'm not told his first time last night our church. I felt scandals of what I needed to qualify, but I'm not of his ability.

David and Bathsheba Heights, David, but you just of the story in our data. Bathsheba get together how their marriage starts.

David looks at essentially what is his generation version of porn is no more supporting the peeping Tom that leads to a hook up that leads to pregnancy. So does David come clean and own up to the pregnancy all by the way, this is one of his best friends wives note he didn't own up to it. He figures out a way to get the got killed. He murders the guy and then takes his you know this is his wife and pretend like have another honeymoon. That's that's messed up right. I'm assuming you have some bad marriage stories I wouldn't guess many of them any of them come go so that right. They Bathsheba have a kid to Solomon. Solomon has kidney was a kid is getting educated as a kid was good. His name is Jesus. God shows to bring the son of God out of a relationship that began with pornography, adultery and murder.

What is that supposed to mean.

At the very least, what it means is God is saying to you and to me you think your case is impossible. I love redeeming the worst situations I love redeeming the hardest cases go ahead trying trying out mint tea party finds a scandalous, just the mystery of the majesty of God's grace so everything where is the justice in that. Uriah so you get deeply hurt your marriage and you were really the one at fault and it was you. I understand you look at you just watch Uriah by the throne of God.

What's all this go down draws it what you pay for that is not fair that they will pay for their sin. What God said Uriah but I imagine it wasn't like this.

We thank God the fairness ended in the garden of Eden. Every sin committed against you.

Uriah will be playing paid in full by one of two ways. One, the person who committed it will pay for it, and held Jesus can pay for it on the cross, Jesus was torn apart for the hurt that that person did to you, just like he was torn apart for your sin and across we find forgiveness for the sins that are done by us and across we find healing for sins that are known to us. What we end up saying at the end of the day at the end of eternity is amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch marriage wretch like me I once was lost but now I'm found was blind but now I'm see the Lord has promised good to me. Not it is a great spouse. But his word. My hope secures he will not shield and portion be as long as life endures and we been there 10,000 years, bright shining as the sun.

We know less days to sing God's praise and when we first begun. What happens is the mistakes of your past and the damage of your president get swallowed up in the amazing grace of God. That's what happens, it means that they answer for a soul that is been damaged by divorce is to go deeper into the grace of God. It means that the answer if you committed a number of terrible mistakes in your marriage is a good deal of the grace of God and access is healing, not just for you but for the people that you heard it means if you're trying to figure out how to endure and difficult marriage go deeper into the grace of God, because from start to finish of the Christian life. It's all about the grace of God is what we often say here. The gospel grace of God, not just the diving board of which you jump into the pool of Christianity if the hold will. It's everything that you need to know to deal with any situation in life is found by going to the depths of the love that God has given you in the amount of healing that he has put toward you. If you trust in Christ to buy your heads. If you would all over campus as you bow your heads on know where this leaves you, but what your situation is not just direct you to take a few minutes to soak in the extravagant grace of God