Men's Conference: Panel Discussion

Guys receded here for minute we want to begin this our final session. I guess here tonight there was a little bit different.

We see appear.

Looks like the black vest brigade but was not planned that all my guys were matching outfits write that down to introduce you to do a little discount about a short count of panelists a little bit interaction wanting to hear the word of God taught which is of course very important, but I just hear what flushed out what looks like, and so you guys appear in stage with me.

Got here first in the middle. The guy that I am good with the ridiculous list of beginning mobile or combo is 33 years old the same age as Jesus when he died. So think of all that Jesus had accomplished. By the time he was your age and how is your life doing these, who married nine a has two kids.

Bo has been a blue ridge campus pastor for quite some time and he is stepping into a role as our spiritual formation faster.

Here, which means that be continued on development of our men's ministries here as well as things that will really of all ages and in different things are going to begin to fall under his direction, as we will excited about that combo became a Christian as a sophomore in college. I where he played football and was nigh under professional is what always say it's not entirely true, but he did play football in college you all is also synchronized swimmer is not real, it's on the list. It is a fact that you were a synchronized even write that okay well it's on the list. He also erect out here that he is from Texas which is only a big deal to other people from Texas so to our second person hereto his to his left. Jason Williamson. Jason is married with three kids site. Jason is an assistant professor at the McIntire school of commerce at the University of Virginia.

He is also a an expert in information technologies co-authored several books in the global leader for management consulting and advisory for Amazon Web services for Amazon and they got quite a presence or noun. The triangle area and so I Jason worked with them as well as teachers of UVA also serve for time in the Marine Corps and was the inspiration for the character Gomer Pyle. That's also little-known fact Chris Greaves next him some writer asked Christine his former campus pastor here at the Berkeley campus is 40 years old is been married for 16 years is for kids in college. He was a part of a Christian rap and hip-hop group and perform live on BET's 106, and part is that correct okay.

I'm not sure everything written on this list is true, but I think most of it is true there is a heart and passion for helping on the special young man has a some even talk about since he's been on staff here at which he has been for several years, especially I'm not exclusively, especially young African-American man learn how to become in the leader families and children on mission for God and so we were at the Berkeley campus are blessed to be under his leadership, Colorado Hernandez, which is behind me who has the majestic voice who led us to some only going great is thy faithfulness completely off the cuff. Colorado is 38.

He is the mayor for more than 16 years has three kids. He is one of our directional elders as is Chris Greene had down the end there.

He is from Cuba, along with half of the other Republican presidential candidates is planted to Spanish-speaking churches in Raleigh prior to serving now for several years as the pastor of our preaching pastor were summoning a spaniel campus is a wonderful gift us. I work for several years in the IT industry.

So every one of these guys on three of them are pastors now, but every one of them except for oh and me have had experience in the real world quite a bit of experience and so I want you to just not hear from Pastor tonight and I'm going to call an audible here and do something because I have Mike Michaels, my dad is here and so I went down a few willing on the black vest on.

But would you come up and join us on the panel here in prep you at all these things with legacy here by Ron Dale who give you that.

So thank you message the questions will all of the amount of directed to many different ones of you and you guys help these guys help us understand what it means to lead spiritually.

I only ask a question that may have arisen in the minds of some people. Can you lead spiritually in your home.

If you're married if you feel like your wife is more spiritual than you.

Maybe your new Christian or maybe just feel like she's a spiritual leader in our family so Jason I look at you and I'll have you answer that question. I won't say why, but go ahead Sadie getting asthma like what I say three who wrote this list both Rachel and Micah, I think most married probably. Many and I think my wife is is is a Deborah in many respects, so I really identify with this question because I look at her talking to joke sometimes like me and she's like the voice of God for me a lot of times so I she became a Christian after we met in college.

We grew up together and Richmond high school dated very end and I was one of those kids, always knew Jesus so I think if you looked on paper you like this guy's been a Christian forever, but I really really really look up to her spiritually. So I think the short answer is, there are times I think when I really identify with the fact that I married someone that has at least a spiritual sensitivity much deeper than I but the other the other side of that coin, JD, as I think you know she did the times when I'm, I'm not leaving, it's very clear and she's like Jason I need you to do these three things are these four things and you know it's not really an implication on on her level of spiritual illness or not. So I think I think guys are our long in the tooth and the faith or brand-new you know I really don't know if that question matters at some level because she needs me to lead weather wherever she is in a spiritual or spiritual walk that day. It doesn't matter so so I think I feel like there are days when she's so much deeper than me but I can't use that as an excuse to not step up when I need to get Christianity. Now that I would agree that you know a lot of times may know even what we heard earlier about our lives being you know a helpmate to come alongside of us know all things and knowing first Peter three and seven. If you know it just tells us that it received. We should honor our laws and understand her as the weaker vessel, not weaker as a night strip, but we kids is more fragile and AE. It is amazing to me. You know how often mama wife being the more fragile vessel can get six things that I just normally can't think for my children in the workplace where it might be soft and not enough on myself you know I am hearing from her in a lot of wisdom from her in that manner, but as you were saying you know in in.

This is not responsibility. You know to continue to make sure I leave well something as well – like a lot of times my spiritual leadership in the home is shown by my decision to defer to the wish of my wife and to the choices off like spiritual leadership means that 9/10 arguments I intentionally lose not arguments, but what is right darkness. But what were going to do because if it if I'm a lover like Christ of the church. I mean sometimes on almost all the time of her preferences about mind and it also means I recognize God is given her cover that that him weaker. You know that your quote from first Peter down what we hear weaker we hear inferior, but think of it like a crowbar versus a thermometer thermometer in some ways weaker, but it's not that is a mean that it's inferior in fact there's many things all world things a thermometer can do that a crowbar can do so on this good way right now. How do you keep Jesus at the center of your family I love things that I just wanted to hear that my hints are not little what I these are okay little pastor, thank you anyhow. Thank you Scott no, you know there obviously the obvious things do matter. You know might my kids are at 7 AM, laying hands on me this morning.

Each of them there seven 911 praying for me because I know that I was going to be here so involving the family and your prayer life and being having timing. The word, but you know this is how Marriott but one of things I did keep Jesus enter my family's fight laziness every day and I know that we we know we don't see ourselves as being part of that word Lacey because all of us in this room were at 55 hours a week in figure 60 hours a week and so when I say lazy. You think I'm not lazy. He's not talking to me but a biblical man is not lazy about seeking the face of God and I disciple graduate time that are not lazy because they work 60 hours a week, but there Lacey to seek the face of God. One of the verses that one of our Spanish elders dispense campus Lloyd menus is a lie that I love is James four, where he says draw near to God. Resist the devil and that will flee from you and he points out, the first thing in the verses to draw near to God to submit to God. And that's what would become Lacey's honestly you know we we have got to seek the face of God and I know we can work 55 hours and and just missed Abbott seek the face of God. Don't be lazy doing that. And of course as you do that, your family, witnesses you doing that you know that it's just a great great way to keep using the center seek his face, but I want the reasons I asked you that question is because I hear you, probably more than anybody else I know that I thought the stories you tell from your family usually involves you telling your kids or explaining.

I like my family. Now we are in our prayer time or we were.

This is what came up and I thought, I think kid Alvarado's kids know a lot about your relationship to God. I don't think it so much that you sit down and categorize them.

Although I'm sure it's important, but as much as it is just you had. I think they may. They do that I'm devil ask you because all that my dad is never been in full-time ministry right and so you worked as a plant manager of a textile factory and are no probably 66 about hours a week. I would guess it was always on the you know that the deacon board of the church and put in a lot of hours more busy as a family. Growing up, but how did you know keep because it was always so clear.

Our home is that this was the center, what, how did you keep dad is in the midst of all the busyness and all the demands of the job. How did you keep the kingdom of God first because you were the one that taught me that Matthew 633 to put God first, I did you do that in the midst of everything else go back to one when I made a decision to release the Lord was working in my heart when you and your sister came along. There had to be some priorities in my life. It was always my wife. Christ was first when I got saved when I was 27 years old was a youth leader was a very active in the church and I was religious and lost. And when I came to Christ, things change. God came first.

My wife second and when you and your sister came alone.

I had to prioritize things. There were things that I said I would love to do, but I can't because my family comes before my play in my family came before my work. Even I spent a lot of hours those things that I would've loved to have done fish play golf no, my children and my wife came before that so I think that through the word of God and teaching me those things as as I studied and prepared. Think the Lord taught me a lot of things about priorities and that was the key, yet outfitting a seaplane much golf on Saturdays. You probably enjoyed it in you as you are going to soccer games and on itself so you got anything bad, just a bit. Keep Jesus to the center, your family, yeah, I do not think that you are one of the things that that is easy is that the center because repayments the more you can can model and actually really mean repentance when you repent to your wife when you say I'm wrong, I realize I'm wrong I'm not lipservice. I'm going to show you the fruit of that I might have to repent to my children. I'm sorry I was too angry. I shouldn't say that you, that was way out of line.

You know when they see that model in any not just being this one event that you repent or you just come the church and you repent what they see it modeled and in every way to do even a month in all staff. You know when I went out a line of thought into something the way I was supposed to do it. It really creates a more Christ centered environment. Nothing.

Naturally we we want to be a decision. I wanted mom naturally move into at the center of my marriage and I'm moving to a sin of my my parenting here in my my job and I mean repentance is what keeps Jesus you know if you will, at the center.

During the time something is really huge. Yeah, I asked Kimber he said, and if I'm ever just say it but it was if there's one thing that I want to teach my kids. It's to trust and hope in Jesus, and of all they ever see is that that he seems an imperfect is in her eyes. I can already am. Because their dad, but I want to teach them the debt is a broken center and that is selfish and that he asked repent of mommy and that is not perfect and Jesus loves them and you can have the same grace to, and I think that's probably one of the things that I for many years is overlooked is the need to just repentance at you, not glasswork. Your mother at dinner was because I was selfish and that's why that in Jesus both took us a little about your your quiet time routines how you yoke I think. Keep your relationship with God active and alive and one of things it's very clear about you when I hear you talking is that you're constantly talking about people that you share Jesus with and how is that how you keep both your relationship with God and your relationship with the mission to keep that simple in your family will goddess.

I feel like I may be only recently passed careers and start to feel some freedom that it doesn't always have to look a certain way. I think I really show a lot more than legalism.

And I realize I thought it had have a certain number of minutes I had to look at the Bible certain way it had to involve a journal at some point, even I couldn't stand it. I have a hard time doing it, and had read something and I think as God's help me become more secure in the gospel that I rested on only on what he's done and even this time is really all does not in any way change his favor towards me. I for more free to now sometimes it looks like I'm reading through and I'm just engaging with God. As I read through. Sometimes I'm actually picking apart a verse I want to understand it. Some of that had to tell myself I'm knocking a pick up a pen. I want to tended to make into a sermon right now versus just talk to God. A lot of times I usually have like a small devotional it. There's a jocular Jack Miller.

I things daily gray singles like a page worth of time him after I get 90s in the Primark heart can wake me up inside to start. How my heart and gauge of God's lazy descent like that before I spent time reading the word and then depending on, what's going on in my life that season might study or might read and pray that most of time getting up early that targets kids always on my kids are all of the play Sundays every five Sundays up at 630 Sundays it update you never know. So but I want to get the word on the couch so that when Donna gets up she sees me. There is another have to ask. Can you sit here with me.

I want to be quiet like it's been time now will show the question of how is that you cannot answer the question, but the meat was camped there for a minute number you Jeff something for most of us having a daily devotional is a challenge and I think it's a matter of a given priority.

I recall going to a seminar back up to date. He was three years old, the speaker saying stand up if you read the Bible through completely. I couldn't stand. I was so ashamed that there had been a Christian for five years and had read the Bible through nested God, with your help I want to do that but it was still more of a duty. Moreover, it wasn't to Joe, and I remember one night for went to bed and I had to get up because I work usually was work at 630 and I had to get up early and I thought I can't get up any earlier nested if you'll wake me up in the morning, 30 minutes before I normally get up have devotion and this was like 530 supposed to get up. I recall looking at the clock it was 5 o'clock and I was wide awake.

I said Lord I said 530 not say me, not five and it was literally, as if the Lord was saying me that morning when I was leaving been saved and know you said 530, but I couldn't wait and that tells us that God desires to spend time with us more than we do with him and that change my prayer life and and since that time. It's been blessed that time together with him in the morning tension about that story is one of my clearest few memories of before five years old her fingers, a blur, but is getting up at oh dark 30.

As a four-year-old, and I knew exactly where you be and it was in the living room and always knew that that you would either be sitting that little yellow chair with your bottle opener you down in your niece now at between five and six and I know that Jason and reflection. I never those never really a time that I doubted that was a God, because I saw my daddy talk to them every day and so I never knew the cinema family sound will we do this for another hour. I'm sure but we sassy guys justices do it real quick. It will come to go to so with you.

Chris bring was one piece of advice that you would give to guys that are married with families just one thing that you realize I'm in. This is what I would say what it ought on the shorter side, the back of a second time and ask you what you would say to single man in our group whether teenagers are young adults when I was a first know for Mary me now that I think JD hit on early in our first session, you know, when you really if you really asked yourself that question like how have served my spouse. How about serve my children the day you know Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom is it is amazing the blessing in doing that, that the humility that it creates in you as a husband, just the way it models you know just servant leadership. So I think that that is usually it is been a blessing for me am am I am on my marriage.

You know here going in 17 year strong.

I love love spending time alive love my wife and in his.

I think that's what is made made a beautiful we got two people to try now serve each other is going be really difficult for that thing that to to fall apart gently so odd. I think that is then ski you know single guys out there that I marinate from an island.

I think it it's it's like you speaking of the people that are quite where they feel like they should be is you think about what life is with what story you want to have five years from now 10 years you want that story right there and so I would encourage you to come think about that story and and and write it and you just kind of steel and idea that were using Amazon's have a bias for action being do something now. Don't wait for the idea to culminate don't get out. You have to have all your ducks in a row. A lot of times your wife like doesn't even care if you have it done right. Just do something, you know, and I think you know writing your story that way is some advice to help you get there because otherwise life just cannot happen to you in on it for you know it your like me on 43 languages happen five years from now or five years ago. I would say be aware of the subtle shift from you, leading and thinking for your wife to letting time advocating that spiritual leadership to the church or to other women has been very good church for you know that she's being taught God's word and she has godly women around here it's it's you don't see the need as much is is easy. I think I've at times. Let I. Billy thinking and praying and evaluating what's on her life. How can I help push her forward, or encourage her size they want is not abdicating and recognizing that's there something I can offer her that even though godly women around her really important to churches vital God called me to do something in leading a thing for her but maybe way that I want to woo her to Jesus not push Jesus honor, I think six times because my personality.

I'm not done that but recently had given some victories where I decide to share what God is doing and teaching and maybe share versus the side to see a big difference. The way she wants to go to God after that first like a matter preaching telling all the right answers and three great things were great God. The biggest live yet anyone surmised that Jesus is the sweetest than anything else, but he is so sick his face.

Number two I simple desire to be with your wife to death or your partner so simple desire to want to do what and three lead. I remember when I came to this church in 2007, God spoke to me this is your church. I went back home and I said try that things are God saying in but I want to got speak to her because I was afraid I might think, and so we prayed 10 months and didn't didn't take God 10 months to tell us to content down 10 months to believe it and it was a very drying time. I felt like God was in Cancún drinking margaritas I get really like he was speak to have you speak to Abby and it was one of a handful of times in 16 years less, probably two or three times or six years of marriage way I knew I needed to lead that I know you haven't heard from God, but is willing to do and and so lead because sometimes were just so afraid of failure were so full of herself so full of pride and were just the reason we want her deleted so that we can blame her.

Later – is been a cow or so lead with humility delete that will spiritual leadership to me is I think God-given responsibility and so many times we forfeit that for sake of this like he said we kinda don't want to take that responsibility own and I think that's important. JD's mother and I have been married 46 years and we were together this morning and she looked over and she said you know she said right now this is better than even when we were dating and I remember what it took to woo her. I was in a college where there were seven guys to ever girl and I tell you what that was tough and you had to work at that and you had to move quick Kozol's lip was ugly and that I do also just gave you advice for the single guy but but I still think I have to treat her today like I did and we were dating and that is to woo her but it's through the love of Christ that your main thing. I really guys we could move fast Christmas reunion. Some quick first for single gas bill on the estimate. Patients single guys being holy living in the obedience to God is so as you browse is that patients have her perfect work God is working something out for you as a husband as a father they did. You did is quick is rid very easy on the estimate and is well worth the wait is may need to sit on your your hind parts of the country values on parts you'll easily harm parts need to get you need.

He deftly still should be involved. I think with your your married friends and then their children in you should you should learn be around a model that see that led to begin the work. Something in you. It would be well worth the wait. I think it's that same same vein units can use a football analogy of a running back and cabbage.

Your line has made a whole you go to soon played all parts. I think you know in that idea being patient is you know if you've got somebody that you just are in love with the people your friends are telling you hold on careers in a you get a business idea you want to do you picture your your you know you that the people in your life that that know God, and know you're telling you hold on. You know good ideas usually only get better when you let them simmer you know so so let that play developed before you try to punch that whole I get that I would just maybe, I think the importance of learning how to be a godly brother to other meaning price before you are married is has is a training ground for what it means to be a husband. I think I'll men who do not have deep relationships. Other men that's a concern for me, this I death of red flag to me that there is avoidance. For some reason there's isolation in those patterns on just go away for get married so that the way that struggled with my male friendships are the same ways. I really struggle with my wife is the friendship is such a huge part of the marriage side say learn to actually pursue other brothers in Christ, holding each other accountable sharing deep things about what's going on your life and seeking accountability and being on mission together. If that's happening at the pattern of your life that carries over that begins to be the way that you handle your marriage. What a great time to do great things for God have such a ban with you. Not a single guy by God's grace I was able to plan dinner a few churches in helping others is a merry guide as well.

By God's grace. But what a ban with you have all you need to plant a church is a Bible on the Holy Spirit.

And so you know, go out there do great things for God and again all you need to plant a church is a Bible and the Holy Spirit's essay, you tell that torturous planners to hundreds of thousands of dollars. The man of God and again nothing is better than Jesus. So, my hands I've worked with the young people pretty much all alive and I would say the one of the key things for young men is don't just talk godly be godly. Be who God tells you to be and do not back down.

Regardless of the pressure and I think that's what women are looking for men who will lead who are who are, what they say they are who follow God's word and I can assure you, you won't have to wait long because there'll be alone waiting for you chance together and think he's