Up Close and Personal - Chemistry

Well good evening everybody how are you good to have you guys here Hayes and I were going to talk a little more about chemistry okay.

It was a great call apples on about 10 years old and God is called opposites attract, and we're going to play up and I but we, granted by Archie's meter team and they all went and you know so when I go to play it for you but if you remember what the song is all about. It basically says a people who are very different.

Sometimes end up attracting one another and then, the very things that were different that they really liked about each other and once there together and drive them crazy about each other.

Now my wife and I are perfect example of this for the first 15 years of our marriage we had unbelievable conflict unbelievable conflict. Can you say well if you guys had a hard time getting along coming. What was it about you, then, that your wife was so attracted to the chair of her marriage in the first place. Well to be honest with you it was the way I look. When we first met and what happened was some of the information on to share with you tonight.

We learned about 10 years ago and it totally changed our relationship because for the first time in our marriage. We actually began to understand and about each other, you know, for the first 15 years of our marriage. We just didn't understand why the other person was acting the way they were acting honey. Brenda for example, I looked at her and I thought this woman is just being Hardy along with enough owners to it.

She's picky about everything I do, no matter what I do I cannot do anything right. She's always pointing out. Why didn't know what exactly the way I was supposed to do it and I didn't know exactly what was wrong with her but I knew whatever was it wasn't something a little Valium wouldn't fix understand what I'm saying and she looked at me and she thought I was mentally irregular.

She looked at me and said the man is out of control. The man is completely impulsive. The man does not use his head at all. The man has never grown and she figured whatever was wrong with me was something that you know a little lobotomy wouldn't fix and so so there we were just plugging it out. I mean just slugging it out until we suddenly learn when I'm there to share with you this evening and it revolutionized our relationship because we began to understand why is it that that other person in this relationship is acting the way they're acting and I want tonight as we go through this when I really got into a Bible thing the night. Although this is very biblical.

Below were going to try to do is to talk about. There are four basic personality type IV basic types of chemistry to people and if you understand that it explains why people act the way they do and why. When they get in a relationship they have some of the tensions the problems and the interactions that they do. And when you understand that you know Brendan, I've learned over the last 10 years, not only to understand one another better. But miracle of miracles, we've actually learned to appreciate the differences in one another. That's a wonderful thing. Writing that was ever going to happen to the two of us, but it really has. Because we understand better now. So as we do. This is what I want to do.

Number one I want you to try to figure out what chemistry title before you are.

That's really important to know that. And then if you got a boyfriend or girlfriend right now or husband or wife. I want you to try to figure out what personality type they are, because understanding those two things will help you a lot in figuring out why you're relating to each other and why you're having some of the conflict that you are and if you don't have a boyfriend you don't have a girlfriend. When you figure out who you are. It will help a lot in helping you decide.

All I will what kind of a person about looking for them which of these personality types. Do I really want to find as a potential partner. Okay so come along. This is really going to help you. And as I said there are four types of personalities and remember none of them are better or worse than the other. Okay, none of these are good, and none of them are bad. It's just the way people are. Each personality type has certain strengths and each one has certain weaknesses and you may not be all one and none of the others, but you will probably be primarily one okay and that's the important thing now number one personality type number one liar's horror all right liens. These are the leaders of the world. These are the take charge people of the world. These are the George Patton's of the world. These are the Schwarzkopf's of the world. These are the people or even the president of the company. Or else they believe that the president of the company that sees people all right now there's some words to describe these people see if any of these adjectives work for you.

These people are confident these people are bold. These people are determine these people are persistent.

These people are competitive, they will run over their mother at home plate if they have to score for crop duster often say they're sorry but they'll kill her at the plaintiff they have to score these people are goal oriented. They are independent they are reliant.

They are strong willed people. These people are take charge people they are controlling people they want to control you and everything else in the world they want to be in charge. They love being in charge their entrepreneurial their risktakers and the more power you give him and the more authority you give him the more they love it there also pushy and also overbearing. There also like a bull in a china shop sometime. They also rollover people. A lot of times, and then when they turn around and you tell them they did at their life, they don't even know they didn't.

This is a person who if you assign them a hill to take. They will take that hill, no matter how many people day after killing the process.

If they're the last person alive.

They're going to take that hill because that's just the way there why this is the person who gets right behind you on the Beltway and flashes their life and beats their horn, and when you finally move over, they Eric you dirty when they drive by that sees people. These are the people that are horrible to go on vacation with they got up at 6 o'clock in the morning. We got 45 things got to do. They've got to do this we got it right here to get all this done by sundown to sundown we got home… We gotta do, and you say to them.

Are you crazy this is vacation at 6 o'clock in the morning. Had you lost your mind know with a lot of things we gotta do today. These are the people want cut right to the bottom line you want the executive summary were in a hurry all the time and went on to talk about it is, give your thoughts. All I want to just want other wonderful people are. We need these kind of people in the world. Everything make the world go my own thoughts there sometimes very hard people to live with when you live in with a line you feel like you're in the rink with a professional hockey player all the time.

They're just bouncing off the people everywhere they go. That's the line now. Then we have the honor and in fact I can put my hand inside his little booger and make your move for either the honor, honors the other party people of the world.

These are where the party or parties not happen. I want to party these are people who were not readily on the back of her crack rock to do anything else in the world. These are the fun people of the world. These are the people who know everybody who know everybody who knows everybody. These are the people love to be in crowds love to have a party here some of the words that describe these people there fun-loving their spontaneous their friendly their optimistic, you know, these are the people in favor two words are. Trust me. Don't ever trust these people have a clue what they're doing.

Family thought about it, they're energetic, you're very verbal. They're popular. They love large group they mix well with people they were enthusiastic their promoters and inspires an inspirational, they can talk anybody in anything even if it makes no sense. But there also goofball their irresponsible impulsive people in their dangerous people there dangerous to themselves and their dangerous to everybody else around them because I don't think they just party that these people, these are the people who could care less about taking a hill all they want to know is where is the victory party. Once we thank you all they care about these of the people who caused the accident on the Beltway because they're so busy dancing to the music to listen to and where to go. They misdirect they don't even know it because the song was great that even people that are terrible with money to they never balance their checkbook.

They just changed banks. Every once in a while. They're wonderful people to go on vacation with because there were party all day long. But God help you if you ever have to get anything accomplished with these people for the people to commit themselves to go to three parties on the same night and a short all three of them got whatever was your total numbering but there there time. These are wonderful people. They are taking laughter and on in the world, but they can be hard to live with because they don't care if anything gets done.

I now next we have the beavers. Now the beavers of the world. These are the people who not only enjoy writing instruction manuals they actually enjoy reading instruction manuals. These are the Felix Unger's of the world. By the way the otters they were the Tommy boy's of the world you got that right. You don't animal house. They were the Bluenose of the world.

These are the Felix Unger's of the world.

These are the annual people of the world.

These are the people who value accuracy.

These are the rules people.

These are the do it right people. These are the get its right people to the safety inspectors. The quality controllers the bankers the accountants the OSHA inspectors and the computer programmers of the world right here. They care about the talus gotta be right here are some words that describe these people there predictable. They're careful their perfectionistic daughter be perfect their detailed analytical their structured precise people there very schedule people. They have their little you know day timer and everything is written down a little late, that they gotta get done for the next 30 days there orderly their conscientious these people have a wonderful sense of duty. They do a high sense of duty with they commit themselves to stalking brother they will die before they'll let it go without getting it done but also they tend to be very critical people very critical of themselves mostly and then by extension, they can be very critical. Other people because you just gotta be perfect. You just gotta do it right. These are people that stomach trouble all the time because everything stresses them out. You know it. Bless the world with perfect they got problems that these people are people believe that the rules were made to be On the Beltway. These are the people get the right lane and drive 55 miles an hour, not 5656 is 1 mile over 55 these are the people when they come to a stop sign. Not only do they go and put the car in park for a couple of seconds just to make sure their stop, and then they keep on going that these people, these are people who if you say to them, take a hill they will go over the crown and see if there's a book on how to take to heal properly before they try because they want to make sure they're doing the right and if you go to a beavers house and looked in the drawer.

Let me tell you what you'll find you'll find all their socks rolled up and color-coordinated in the low in the drawer. Their closets are perfectly neat. Their shoes are all in a row and they make their beds everyday in back when they go on vacation. They make their beds in a hotel before they leave. We can leave that we make the bed honey were in a hotel. There are maids are going to come in and strip it don't matter. You make the bed before you leave is not to make the bed. Okay whatever. These are the in the box people and fevers are wonderful people. They really are. They help keep the world organized.

These are the people balance their checkbook.

Somebody does these are the people actually know how much money they have in the bank for they can be frustrating to live with because if you're not a beaver they'll drive you not, and finally we have our friends the golden retriever's this. These are these other nurturers of the world. These, of the George Bailey's you know when it's a wonderful life these of the George Bailey's of the world's of the lassies of the world. If you come to McLean Bible Church. These are the richer parts of the world right here.

If you know Richard yeah these are people who have the words I won't hurt you, and right across therefore head everywhere they go. These of the safe people of the world they could avoid confrontation at all costs.

All they want to do is just you all over making sure all they want to do their wonderful here are some words that describe these people there sensitive their thoughts. They'll be loyal to a fault.

These people are good listeners there indecisive they can make a decision you know wanted to make a decision about whatever decision I may convert somebody's feeling that alerted body feeling what he wanted better wherever you want to go. I know what I want to know what you want to go for that matter to me.

I want to go wherever you want to go but I want to take you somewhere that you really would like to go where would you like to go wherever you want to go crazy. These are the people who are tender their nurturing then the peacemakers of the world they want to bring everybody together and everybody just feel wonderful about every body.

They avoid confrontation at all costs.

There very sympathetic people.

These are the people you love to talk to when you got a problem you want a golden retriever to talk to but also on the negative side, these people often end up tearing the weight of the world on their shoulders. They take everybody's problem. They carry everybody's problems. They can't say no very easily and they worry too much about what people think about now when it comes to taking hills. This person says well if it'll make you feel better you take the hill. I don't need to take the farm with me. These people don't even go on the Beltway even get near the Beltway. They go forget all make an enemy. I'm not going out there. These are the people who work for the Red Cross. These are the people volunteer to work in hospitals.

These are the people who have to and I have our phone conversations because they're afraid if they say they have to go somebody's feelings so it probably wouldn't. These are wonderful people. These little warm and fuzzy people of the world, the world would be a cold and heartless place. Without these people there wonderful, but they can be frustrating to live with because sometimes you want to say to them, why don't you ever do something for you. Why don't you ever do something that that that you want to do. Why do you spend your whole life worried about everybody else enjoy something you want to do for today but a single survey how many liens do we have here raised hand. How about how many auditors doing out here like auditors.

They would scream and do that with all I how many beavers do we have here while I do you guys am I doing it right okay so I'm right okay just got a check is none of that matters to you.how many golden retrievers do we have here is all about you wonderful okay now that's interesting because you know most miles it breaks down about 25%. It's really kind interesting how God with this out among people. Let's see all foreign action.

Okay, let's try couple of these out. How about when it comes to money okay all liens love to make. They don't care that he didn't want to make money beavers. They love the Savior call man. Beavers have a savings account to savings account three savings account is all they want to do what we say to you, we need to save money. Everything about what and what on earth were they love the money man. I don't care about nothing but band and it and golden retrievers know what they do they do for everybody what a wonderful job they're doing.

Managing the money. You don't want a job in your job over there to wonderful job about shopping online and lively store want to say at the want to help one salesperson I see what I want by living it up. I got things to do on out here that's alliance often know how beaver shop, a beaver spend $25 in gas going all over the county trying to say $0.20 on the article beaver know what an honor to win a lot of go shopping and honor those in and get busy talking and sales personnel that they forget what they even went shopping for they come moment ago I forgot why what dreadful on Sunday for new plan. Wonderful and golden retrievers fell off and go shopping and buy stuff they don't even need because they're afraid of hurting the feelings of the shopping score you think I need will not take it because I don't want to hurt your feelings so short that two of one more when you were a teenager.

If your mother was a lion below your mother wanted to know is what are your goals for the next 10 years. What is your action plan to achieve it and I want prioritize the list. I want a written set of action plans that I want to know when are we going to get all these things.if your mother was not her all your mother want to do is go to the movies with you and you and I don't know if your mother was a beaver you know what she wanted you to do clean your room that drive you crazy or what. And if your mother was a golden retriever. All she wanted to do is come down and sit on the bed next to you at night and go honey are you okay healing house will go with dinner. Okay that I overcook anything on the pillow so hard about new pillows today.

I can take him back if you're not Harley.

Okay, how's everything going are you will rise now friends knowing these things about yourself really helps because it explains why when you get into a relationship with one of these people. They act the way they do people when they get in relationships they act inside of the kind of chemistry, the kind of personality type that they are and if you understand that, then you'll realize that they're not just being difficult. They're not just being hard to get along with them. Not just trying to make your life miserable with some of the things from time to time but actually they're just acting exactly in line with what they are and really you know God often matches up opposite.

Because he wants us to learn from one another. He wants us to grow by rubbing shoulders with one another.

He wants us to together moved to the middle so that both of us become more well-rounded people because we live with the other person. We have a relationship with the other person and also you can predict much easier knowing what the other person's personality type. As you can predict how they're going to respond which means you can prepare yourself to deal with them. It doesn't come out of the blue someone to talk to you for a minute now about what it's like when we mix-and-match these character types and their 10 different possibilities, talk to y'all about all 10 of them very, very, very quickly. Let me just say whatever personality types you got when you get in a relationship you going to have conflict there is no two personality types are going to put together where there's not some conflict and so what I'm saying to you is there is no such thing as finding the perfect match here you can decide you don't particularly want one, personality want another one because you don't want the frustrations are that I have with a particular time to prepare to deal with the frustrations are to have with another kind that's fine, but ultimately marriages do not succeed.

Relationships do not succeed because you picked the perfect partner doesn't happen relationship succeed for the same reason my wife and I this June will celebrate our 24th anniversary thank you very much were thrilled about the hill why we got married we said all right, here's the deal.

Jesus Christ is the third unspoken partner in this relationship is not you and me, it's you and me and Jesus Christ and the force is not an option, and one way or the other we will figure out a way to work this out. We are not living were to make this work. And that's how we went into the marriage and that's why 24 years later we're still together has nothing to do with us being perfectly matched. We are one of the worst of these matches you can imagine, but we made it work because we had a commitment to something higher than chemistry. Our commitment was to the Lord Jesus Christ. And if you have that commitment. It doesn't matter what chemistries go together. I'm telling you, you can make a marriage work. Now let's talk about it for minute what happens on the wall. We got 10 of these what happened when two lions get married cheese.

It doesn't happen very often because both of them. I look in the control, and all the ones not going to yield and they just don't they don't appeal to each other much. You just don't see that happen, but if it ever happens. Hide all the sharp objects in the house is all I got. Number two what happens of a lion marries an honor. Well, you don't have a lot of conflict over control because Otto don't want to control anything you care to feel ill at the line he said go ahead dear, you know she can control everything that's fine I don't care. But hey, the lion in the otter match has a lot of frustration and particularly a lot of frustration for whoever is alive.

We have some family friends and they have two daughters one is a lion, big time, and one is a lot of big time and we went on a trip with them and is the girl that outline will sit out there in the car would quickly go somewhere just sit there. Just you know me she's getting real frustrated and her sisters inside, slowly making her way to the car. Took about 20 minutes talking to people just having a great old time and the lion sesame is not a problem.

My sister my sister does not believe the time exists. That's a problem. My sister is the problem. Lions and auditors have lion say we gotta go.

We gotta do we gotta get somewhere and auditors alike. Why was summary you know let's party on the way there some frustration your number three lions and beavers. This is me and Brenda is a hottie all day long.

Can you spell brouhaha. That's how we get along and the issue is not over control. The issue is over the rule rules to see alliance is I'll get it done anyway. I need to, but I'll get it done.

A beaver says no. If you don't get it done according to the rules get done. Now where did that come from. I got it done did not you wanted… No you didn't do it the right way doesn't count and that's what you fight over when you're a lion and a beaver. My wife will say to me many times how can I teach the children not to burp when you are out they were just Telamon the father and the rules are different for me.

Oh, the rules are different for you in the rules exactly the same for you. You are to live under the same rules that they live under him like, whatever.

That's what we fight about.

We drive and she says no it's preliminary that I say no I do know actually but I say no to 55. I said wonderful she's we are going 70 yet.

So what what else do we need talk about here about number four. If you're a lion and a golden retriever. Well, you know. Actually, this is the match that happens a lot like the Lions hook up with lots of golden retrievers and you know why because lions are looking for people to control and golden retriever don't want to fight back the mats. It looks like it's made in heaven, you know, the lion says I'm in charge of the golden retriever says I want conflict. Whatever but you know there's some real problems that you have to watch with this because what happens many times is the golden retriever is not careful here. She ends up becoming totally dominated by this lien and after while, sometimes five or six years later there's a lot of angst and a lot of anger that builds up over this person basically just completely controlling them.

A golden retriever. In this situation is got to learn to stand their ground and say to that lion know that's far enough. Tell here's the line the don't step over and you know that really demands a golden retriever, step up and they they often don't like to do. That's a lot of time you get somebody in a relationship like this, a golden retriever really have to learn a whole new set of habits in terms of keeping a lion from completely running their life. Number five, about two auditors well wonderful if you have to auditors married, you will never have more fun with those two people that in your whole life.

They will be your best friends you will love to have them over. You will have more fun going to the beach with their minority body level, went to they will be the greatest couple you ever met your life. The only problem is, I'll never get anything when all the laundry's dirty they just go buy new clothes.

Nobody wants his close they throw those away in my new close so there wonderful Matt got help from To do anything. Number six about an honor and a beaver honor to be.

This is one where you constantly hear these two phrases, the beaver will constantly say why don't you grow long and the otter will constantly say why don't you light, no and that's how they spend their life growing up like no what you grow up. Would you like no and you know what both of them are right both of them arrive. The otter needs to grow up in the beaver needs to lighten up and they can actually be a wonderful influence on each other. If they learn to appreciate the differences and learn from one another. So I removed it on here almost on how about number seven in otter and a golden retriever.

You will see this happen too often. But in otter and a golden retriever. The otter just wants to have fun in the golden retriever just wants to lick everybody this wonderful wonderful I got to beavers.

You might surprise you, but I seem to beavers to be married a lot.

I mean this is a very common combination and you know what they actually get along pretty good. This actually works real good.

You know why because they're both rule keepers there both in the box people and as long as they can agree on what the box is as long as they can agree on what the rules are. These people live wonderful marriages there incredibly boring to be around, but they live wonderful marriages together number nine about beavers and golden retrievers will it's okay to the golden retriever just wants to make the beaver happy and so the beaver says these are the rules and golden retriever says okay and they get along okay. And finally, what about you golden retrievers well to golden retrievers are wonderful ages, slobber all over each other and their wet but they're happy to manage as happy as can be, because there both, you know. Only problem is they can never decide whether going to dinner.

Can you imagine to golden retrievers talking about where to go to dinner.

What would you like to go wherever you like to go where would you like to go they'll start to death unless there lion King for a nominal charge for knowing there and that's what often happens. Well I don't know if this helps at all. I have fun doing it. I don't know if you would all or not but I hope it dies because once Brendan I learned once I learned that she was a beaver then I know exactly how she's going to react in every situation. It's like clockwork, like clockwork, and I know it's always going to be these illegals and I know it's always going to be. We need to keep the rules and I know it's always going to be long. You need to keep the rules like everybody else does. I know and she knows exactly how I'm going to react coming for Lions rules or suggestions, stop signs or suggest you you know stop long enough to so you don't hurt yourself, but you know if you want to roll it to Scott's online suggestion and you know, so we understand each other and we actually reach the point that we can, laugh about it together and you know say well you know the beer beaver. That's what I expect from you and we learn to appreciate one another. You know, if you learn who you are you really going to be a lot more predictable than you think you're going to be because these are very real things that God is built into us and if you learn who your partner is they'll be predictable and it will really help you not to fight all the time and not to feel that the other person is just trying to be hard to get along with, but to appreciate the fact that God made us intrinsically different and it will let one another, rub off on each other. We can be a blessing to each other friend is always saying to me, you know, if you were to listen to me you'd avoid most of the trouble in your life you know something is right not to listen very much but I see she's right. I know that I'm getting better. She's absolutely right. She's a rules person.

She knows the rules. She keeps the rules and if she tells me log on to do it this way is because she understands the rules and she's right and always say to her yet but Brenda, you know what if I didn't plan the trip to the body push you to the edge and if I didn't push the envelope with you. You never go anywhere or do anything she says right here right and so we have learned to appreciate one another and you know what, if you'll learn to appreciate the fact that this is just the way people are and you will learn to appreciate all the people and you can have a relationship is built on mutual respect and mutual appreciation instead of a relationship is built on anger and frustration and because you just don't understand what a person is acting that way so I hope these things will help you. Thanks again for coming tonight.

Let's pray. Father, we want to thank you for reminding us tonight that you built human beings a certain way and that these things that we talked about.

These are not accidents that you have built us as people to to have certain strengths and and also sometimes we have certain weaknesses and that many times we get matched up to someone who has strengths were weakened and and we have strengths where there week because you intend us as the Bible says that the two shall become one flesh, and will grow to complement each other and together as a team of a guy and a gal.

We will be longer as a team that even just the sum of the parts so teachers from all of this this evening to learn to appreciate each other, teach us to learn to appreciate our differences teach us to learn to to to look at our relationships and to treat the other person's differences with respect and with honor. Instead of despising them and I pray you would use what we talked about the like to bring some harmony to relationships that may be have a like Brenda and me have been fighting for years just because they really don't understand each other.

We commit all that we've learned in life to you. Lord help us build better relationships because we were here tonight, and I ask this in Jesus name