Marriage that Works - Is There a Woman in the Home?, Part 2

Ladies, let me ask you question you with your husband was more supportive, loving, kind, sensitive, compassionate, understanding more helpful around the house. Maybe help out with the kids just put more they know the truth is is that for you, get tired of trying to change your husband and realizing it's just not working. Let me tell you, there's a better way to bring out the best in your husband that's today. Thanks for joining us for this Friday edition of living all the Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching on this daily discipleship program wraps up his message. Is there a woman in the whole part one yesterday your online Living on the Edge.captured some fundamental information broadcast. You might find helpful.

Again, you can listen to previously aired messages from Living on the Edge at Living on the Edge.or without her strip with part two of this message from Ephesians chapter 5.

Let's just pretend you are like at the coffee shop that you know one of the corporations here are a jobsite and someone said hey what you do yesterday you know what you're just a really what they talk about all they're talking about, like marriage and stuff so so what's going on what you learning your two women you know and say yeah yes it might my man supposed to step up. Provide lead.

Make it happen.

Lay down his life for me, even physically die if he needs to scrape what times that thing meet all I better hear what they're saying about women verse about what I say units. The S word boarding like there's a sort of submission thing that God has sort of this structure where he holds man responsible to be the servant leader, but that you know like we talked and we dialogue and I'm supposed to bring all my strengths and all my gifts and share what I really believe that when we get to an impasse. I'm really supposed to defer and like submit to him know you're kidding.

That is so antiquated and he said that out loud in front of everybody. Yeah. And I think he believes it, and he reads from this book like it's really true, like are you kidding me now now now guide to stop for a moment if you think what I just read and stated is politically incorrect in our day go back to the evolution of women. See we read thanks to this tiny little context of 21st-century and about the last 50 or 60 years. Can you imagine I ready guys imagine being a man and you grew up in a culture. A Jewish man a Roman man or Greek myth and is the first century and maybe maybe here a pretty new Christian. And so your your nicer to your wife than most people and you really love her and you got a decent relationship but I mean, you do understand you've grown up thinking women are slaves grown up thinking women are just an object of pleasure and your growing up thinking I mean everybody around you is been divorced 10 2015 times of your Roman is not a big deal and now you receive Jesus as your Messiah and your following him, and you're in this church in Ephesus, and God. The apostle Paul speaks and they open the scroll and they start talking about mutual submission.

You will have more mutual. What she's a co-air. The grace of God. But she's not only equal that she is your partner in life and you're supposed to lay down your life for her die for her to understand that the greatest liberator on the face of the earth of women was Jesus and the possible, the greatest liberator and when they talk about submission or being subject to is in the context of a sovereign God who created roles that when they fit together and each does their part. It's the healthiest riches you know what a woman wants she wants to be secure. She wants to be protected, but out of your fear. You want to control and the radical feminism pushed all the buttons into a place where we not only don't need men, we hate them. And there's some vestiges of that planet in our culture and society and ladies at the end they all tie this.

I watch very, very bright, well educated, great women who unconsciously have bought into what the culture says and end them on paths where they hate their life is on a plane. I sat next to a very young bright woman. She's probably 28. She spoke five different languages and she's going into. I think Atlanta is a pretty high-powered job unity lip five languages can be international she be traveling all around the world and I was talking to earlier this great conversation. I said will what your husband think about this because she said to Mary about 18 months and she was always excited about it. I said not done quite a bit overseas travel hot. I think this is can work for your marriage when you're gone to three weeks sometimes a month of time so it's not bad. We only see each other for half a day now. So what you mean will he has this job that that that that that it makes this much money and I got this job that that that that that I been moving up the ladder so he works this shift and I worked the early shift, so we only have about 1/2 a day on Saturday. We really get this each other and then we see each other briefly, but I'm really tired. He's really tired and and I just wanted to say and you're doing this on purpose. You understand unconsciously what you bought into high levels of education, making a lot of money. Big job this time what she's gonna wake up in about 10 or 15 years, and at some point, you can have a kid and that she can be in crisis.

You can have all these motherly pains and say I should nurture and help and take care of but I've invested all this time, over here and when and how and what and he's going to say hey look with which we startle two incomes maybe we need two incomes could look at our lifestyle, we gotta pay for this and this and this and this and it causes really difficult so you get clear on who is it that God wants you to be as a woman and what really matters and be able to make some hard decisions and choose when and how and why you're going to work and when and how and why you're going to be a couple, and where can you live in economically how you can apply this out because I will tell you fast-forward whatever you live in right now 5 to 7 to 15 years. What will be better than anything you could ever achieve is a deep rich marriage with someone that cherishes you and you love them, and if God wants and you so have children.

Kids that actually grow up that are stable. The love you want to be around you that and it is unkind to get there so it gets kinda crazy and and then you actually grow up in your kids grow up and they still want to have a relationship with you and they look back and thank you for the huge sacrifice investment you made in their life. I've never buried anyone where we talked about how many languages they spoke how much money they made. How many letters they had behind their name. What the portfolio was but every person I've ever buried people sit around and eat usually kind of funny food and a talk about relationships in a talk about love to talk about giving and caring in connection and I just want to say ladies God has a plan for that and he is a plan for men, but we've been how is the present plan working for most of us me let me think about if you think this is radical, ask yourself this.

Most women I know would like their men to be more romantic maybe okay more responsible. Like actually pick up their own stuff lead spiritually, financially, provide and communicate more. So God says if that's what you would really like to see happen in the life of your husband submission is your greatest ally. How most of you have learned.

Nagging does not work right withholding sex does not work, yelling, screaming, and having fights does not work. I want to tell you when a man feels honored and respected, affirmed and encouraged. Now it's the office to there's times where his behavior. You don't respect his behavior you think about the launch but God put them in this place. I'm to respect the office I'm to treat them the way he ought to be treated even though he doesn't deserve it because there's days in a calm that I don't deserve. So let me talk about some very specific things that this does not mean so you can understand what were really talking about and practice and asked my wife to come up and give you some real practical ways ladies that hopefully helpful. Number one does not mean the year to be passive or inferior you to be your to step in, but not over some of you who think Teresa economy and urgency seems to suite you know she is sorta she's strong humming wit when we have a disagreement when there's an issue I'll tell you what she's not passively going well, whatever you think you're super annoyed.

Second, what about this this this this mean she's strong and she brings it and a lot of decisions that I thought we really do.

This is after we get done talking, thinking unite another idea why did you confuse me with the facts and reality and that that's how it works. The second thing is it doesn't mean that you submit only when you think is right.

That's just called agreement my life by the way, this is been a pretty big challenge in our in our relationship, which you will hear just a minute. But you know if if you only submit and say I'm on board with a good attitude joyfully when you're right, we just agreeing with them. The test of submission is when you think of yourself. I think this may be among the top three dumbest things he's ever done. I've talked about it. I made my case I've laid out the evidence. I passively argue my case and I mean he's actually convinced this is what God wants us to do.

Then you just you just give him and God is okay Lord, please don't let us get hurt too badly and not showing what he needs to know but but you say I'm a member I made a decision about a timing issue. I don't think it was the wrong decision, but how I did it and when I did it and I'll never forget my wife looked at me and said I will go with you because the Bible commands me and I will choose to have a good attitude.

I do not want to.

I don't think it's wise I think is a really dumb idea.

Nevertheless and looking back it wasn't wise was a really dumb idea and we paid a pretty big price for. She gracefully did not elbow means I see I told you so. Third, it doesn't mean that you violate Scripture, reason or morality. Support your husband submission this that there is no male chauvinism. There's no you know you never lie or cheat or break ethics are wife swap or bizarre things in the name we've heard of people you know what your first commitment is to submit to God and submit to his word and if your husband ever ask you to do anything to violate Scripture you say sorry can't go there for the doesn't mean that your doormat, you come with strength, beauty, concern, persuasion you exchange ideas and a strong wind doesn't mean you rollover and his ideas of the best ideas and five it doesn't mean that you use submission as a tool to get your way in and what I mean by that is that there is a way where you can what I call, sorta fake submissive.

Oh yeah, dear, you know I had a son that we went through a difficult season with him and he has many of his mother's genes in terms of being smart and so being very very smart. He would be sort of a rebellious kid until he knew I really want to do this and he could turn on this submissive whatever you say dad I'm on board I'm on the team just long enough to get what he wanted and then the real him would show up now ladies I'm sure there's not many of you that ever done anything like that but submission really is not very much about your relationship with your husband submission is everything about your relationship with your heavenly father, I think it's time for the men in the room who are talking the most that would be me to sorta sip it, and what I thought as I prayed this through was ladies this is this another one of the statements that we can't use you may not realize this, or if you do, is it not being a woman. I really don't know what I'm talking about practice. Okay, I mean I know what the truth is I know how it works and so I asked my wife if she would take a couple minutes and ask what I thought would be asking the answer may be the top two or three most difficult questions about this issue of submission to honey.

Could you come up here just for minute for week wrap things up and I just want to go on record to say that although we have issues you not manipulative. I now publicly. I thought we better get this all away right away. Question number one what is helped you the most in fulfilling God's role, especially in this area of submission and what are the positive factors that help you do that I have to think about this today. Chip told me he was, tells me at the last minute that asked me these questions so I asking the falcon.

We just spent a little bit time together and tell me you know what you way, you asked me to I can have time to think about it and I came up with three things that have been real helpful for me and being able to submit as a wife, and I think in one of the things Chip did run out for my dad and one of them. We did together and what I have to say about my husband is that he and our wonderful leader in our home. He's a he's a strong man. He's I had a real man in my house and now I'm very grateful about that. He has been a man of God. He he he doesn't just make decisions hastily without careful thought and prayer, and I respect him and so I feel secure.

I feel like he's leading is good night and I can entrust my life because I I know that he's hearing from the Lord. That's number one. That's that's probably been one of the greatest things for me and I know all women don't have that in their homes.

On the second thing for me is that just because I love the Lord and I love his word. I want to obey God and his word tells me that I should be submissive to my husband and I should respect him and so I just strive with all my heart to be able to do that and I pray and ask God to help me. I claim his promises from his word when I don't understand what's happening and I don't feel like submitting and I know that God will always take up my cause he cares for women. He cares for wives and and he could make the worst mistake, and he's made a few have to say is watching over me and he does that for us is why CE will take up our costs for the Lord well.

He's the one cares for Austin in the third thing that's been real powerful for for me. And submission is that we talk about everything is communication is really a key. I believe in good narration leave. I truly worked at communicating. We spent time nearly every day talking about what is going on. What were thinking about what were struggling with what her dreams are and so we know each other's heart and when big issues come up.

It's a lot easier than to talk about things we disagree because we've communicated so well when were not disagreeing. So II think those are just three major things that what has been your greatest why did I write these questions what it what is been your greatest challenge in your role in this area of mission and how do you or how my greatest challenge is submitting when I don't something that I don't I know I don't believe that's the right thing to do that. That is a challenge and like Chip said when our children were growing up. Probably the biggest issue that we just knocked heads over was was disciplining our children and also another issue was with our taking care of our home and repairs and and just doing things to make our home battering and we've had many many conflicts over over that because we see it differently and and it's been hard for me to submit sometimes when I wanted to have things done. You just don't see it all. In fact, we were talking about this just to check in and we were having a little discussion about something about the house. It needed repaired and he said he said he just he does care too much and he said it in a kind way and I said to him, what will you just care to little and so we that we understand each other and and I pray I just pray a lot and God changes his mind and get another another time on pie talking like to have fun is just moving.

That's probably been all, everything is the most difficult times I've had when Chip is really believe that God is leading us to a different place that I like to be saddled.

I don't like to leave my friends in my home and my kids and and I really when one particular move just gave him a real hard time over that and what helps me when we have those issues and when it's very difficult for me is just crying out to the Lord. I really do want to do God's will and in sunlight I just clean his promises and a promise that I claimed many many times is from Romans 830 to 9 it says he's he he spared not his son gave him up for all of us, how will he not our God with him freely give us all things, and I have realized that how we may disagree that if he strongly believes God is leading us in a certain direction and I submit and follow him.

That's going to provide everything that I need because God's just like that. I hope you know that he's just like that. He laughs us and I think the last thing I thought about here was is just well you already said it in the message I I state my concerns.

I'm not shy about that and we just that's very important.

if you barium what happens. It comes out another you be present so I things way better to say we did one thing I think I made the right decision. I think I really did it at the wrong time in the wrong way and she just looked at me goes, I will submit to this I want you to know I don't think it's a good idea. I don't want to do it. I will go but in the convinced state any stronger and and I will have a good attitude, but I didn't have a lot. I struggled and I got I finally got there is a struggle. Yet it is the time it is time to work. I think one last question, and that is what counselor, what would you say to a woman whose from her perspective feels like her husband's not leading well and she fears me.

She's thinking okay now if I do what I believe God is teaching here. Things are going to fall apart if I let go of the reins in this area. Maybe it's our finances are spiritual leadership of the homework or something.

If I let go. I'm really afraid things can fall apart.

What would you say that lady I think first of all woman with which she needs to ask yourself, and I really willing to submit to my husband and I am I really willing to allow him to lead in our family because there's so many of us. We want control and we want to run our homes and our and our families and so we have to be willing.

First of all, to allow that to happen. And secondly, to just remember that when you do that God cares for you and that he will take up your cause in whatever situation that you're dealing with people take up your cause for you and work in your husband's lives as ANSI submit to the Lord. Submit that situation to the Lord and anything I found.

I'm big on prayer, but Frankie has been.

I can change him he can't he can move in his heart and change circumstances and and I would say give it room to change it room to change week. Sometimes we see people act a certain way for so many years and we want them to change that we never give them space to change whenever we don't give them the time and the belief in them to change in some give them room to change and just the last thing that I thought about was kind of a macho scripture for my life with chap in our marriages out of Proverbs 31 and talking about a wife here in relationship to her husband and it says that she does him good and not evil all the days of her life and I just think that's the best thing if we can keep that in mind, you know, in any situation.

Does this do him good in my doing him good or am I doing him evil and sometimes doing him good means that we submit to something that we really don't believe this is God's will for our life that he really does and sometimes doing them seem him good is doing not doing things for him in the home and caring for things that he really needs to take spots ability for second look different. But if we would just strive to do your husband's good and not evil all the days of our lives with the Lord's help, I think I'll do amazing things. Thanks very much as we you know the triangle wettable triangle that we talked about is your the man or woman as you move closer to the top, the God you can't hear the we both come from really dysfunctional families would both come from alcoholic families. This is a real journey in a process but but what you see is as you move closer in your relationship to God. He really will work in you and through you and with lots of bumps certainly have lots of bumps in as I guess you heard we still have a few and that's normal.

I don't think that's going to end. But our hearts desire is to see you embrace God's design for your relationship or God's design for your future relationship and I can tell you now, every area of relationship you can imagine richer, better that I thought it could be in way better than it was the right but if you're just doing your listening to living on the shipping message today is from his series marriage that works.

It goes back to the basics of how to develop and maintain a deep and intimate marriage with your strengthening yours now or looking to build one in the future for all the details on this powerful no holds barred truth and grace filled series give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 or visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org woodchip opium of teaching today you ask Teresa sure her perspective on what it means to be the woman in the home. Why did you feel that was important mostly self-preservation and I just basically I want to tell you know dodge the flying objects that would be coming at me know I'm kidding right here is why I did it. It is emotional. People have preconceived ideas they have prejudiced. Everyone has prejudiced and here's what here's what I knew. People needed to hear. They needed to hear reality from a tender soft voice whose very strong, who is living out what I'm talking about who did not grow up that way. I mean she didn't grow up in a Christian home, so everything that I'm talking about what I've had to learn about being a man what she said to learn about being a woman.

What we had to learn about mutual submission. What we had to discover in an really hard difficult times about loving each other. I wanted people to hear her voice and sort of authenticate you know this is a chips deal. This isn't some male oriented thing that people were supposed to do. This is God's deal and from a heart of a woman that longs to be deeply feminine, deeply satisfied in every way. This is what God says and so it's really been exciting effect. She's done a Bible study with another lady in our church with about 20+ women and what they've done together is a really talked about what it means to be a woman and how did God make you and what did the fall due to you and how is God redeemed that and I just want people to hear. I'm not talking about high-powered twentysomething women from all nationalities from all around the world was Stanford educations that are coming together around the Bible and from January going through May and talking about while I feel liberated I get it, but this is so different. This is where I've struggled is an amazing thing to watch these women discover what it means to be a woman and so and I shared this last time, ladies you to be trapped by the culture and they gonna tell you one thing and expect everything and if you want to be a woman deeply valued by God.

Just for who you are in the role that you need to be.

Let me encourage you to this study by the handful of women. If you're a woman that's married find three or four couples when the family gets aligned with God amazing beautiful things happen and that's God's desire and that's our hearts desire will be back in just a minute to give the details about the study and how to order which of the study is just come out as your latest book. What makes your book different from the I don't even know how many thousands that are already out there. I remember when the publisher was talking to me about writing a book on marriage and I look at it. I said, there's a lot of great books on marriage coming. I mean, I've read a ton of them and from my own personal testimony in the issues that treason I've had to work through. They been really great.

Why in the world do we need another book on marriage and then we begin to talk out loud about what's happening inside and outside the church into the shifting of roles and there's a lot of great skill books and psychological books and practical books, but there's not a lot of this is what the Bible says this is God's design. This is what a covenant is men. This is what it looks like to be a man in your marriage. Women this is what it looks like to be a woman. This is how you all fit together and then filled with very practical ways. Not a sense of odd, since shoulds and try hard. But this is God's design. This is what the Bible says and this is actually how marriage works and then after my own personal struggles and actually we have 40 years under our belt so we have learned a couple things and counseling. So many people. We came up with marriage that works truth cards and what I did is I took probably the top 20 lies that I have either believed or heard from others identified those and then taken the truth of Scripture that you can review these in a way that renews your mind and what I will tell you little by little by little, you will simply begin to think about marriage the way God does and the truth will set you free. So were so excited about this book and we will give you this. Truth cards just as a way of saying thank you for getting the book in a way to help you grow in your marriage will chips new book called marriage that works is available now at Living on the Edge.

This whole month were talking about relationships, marriage, divorce singleness, so if you're looking for a biblical resource on any of those topics.

Let me encourage you to give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 or visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org to check out the resources we have posted for you including chips new book marriage that works in while you're there, don't miss the new marriage that works truth cards trips taken about 20 of the most common lies. We tend to believe about marriage and is given a specific Scriptures to help us combat each one. Check out chips new book in the marriage that works truth cards when you go to LivingontheEdge.org will Monday trip continues this series so I hope you'll make plans to join us again. Until then, this is Dave truly saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge