Marriage that Works - What's a Woman to Do?, Part 2

Ladies, there are a lot of is out there telling you I mean there's talk shows, blogs, books, magazines, experts in every aspect of family life. So who do you listen to who you believe will today discover what the creator of the universe has to say about your role as a wife can be blessed beyond your dreams. Welcome to this Thursday edition of Living on the Edge with gibbering chip serves as our Bible teacher on this daily international discipleship program. And today chip wraps up his current series marriage that works. It's been quite a journey over the past two weeks and if you missed any of the broadcasts along the way. Remember, you can hear them online anytime Living on the Edge.let's get going in join chip or part two of his message.

Once a woman to do.

Ephesians chapter 5 second priority of a woman is a lie second priority is to create an environment in the home. Here's the key that nurtures and develops her children to fulfill God's will for their lives. First Timothy 514. The role of a woman is to manage and rule to be the chief operating officer to set direction to develop system so love can grow to meet the needs of her family and the role is ready for this. The mother somehow somehow this esteemed God-given amazing unique role that you're designed and only you can do has been dismissed as though if all you are is a mother like your life is wasted or you're not important. And God would say just the opposite is true. The mother is the key teacher. The counselor the consoler and the refuge for her children and her family.

There is a single mom boom in Hollywood.

The something inside these women that say being a mother matters. They bought the whole deal and now they're getting their late 30s or mid 40s and realizing there's something about the connection and this role and I can tell them why is God put it in you, doesn't mean that every woman needs become mother no and likelihood great majority will be in God says this is a high and holy calling practical outworking is model dependency on Christ your children will not end up doing what you tell them they're not in doing that now. Right they will end up being like you might jot down Luke 640 Jesus said when a student is fully trained. Here she will be just like their teacher how you think how you drive, how you respond in a crisis. Your love for God, how you treat your husband and your kids more really is caught than taught. That's why the greatest thing you can ever do when you just live out the life the imprint. It's not what you say I have one of my sons go through a season about three and half years of real rebellion mean it was horrendous and it was painful and and E. Came Full Cir. and now he writes music for living about God, which is a great answer to prayer, but I member later when he came full circle member asking him I said Jason what was it, and I'm thinking like maybe one of my really great sermons did the trick. He said that Jesus is so real to mom and her life is so powerful and when I rebelled. I didn't see you get uptight and worried about what people in the church would think I saw tears come down your face that I didn't embrace the Jesus that you love. No one is really saying the end of the day.

Our kids emulate what really matters to us. Second, pray for your children and let me just give you this word fervently, fervently the things that mean the most with your kids. Ladies, you have very little control of when they're outside the home. The decisions they make, the values eventually that they pick up the priorities that they can have. You have so little control. You do the best you can and you teach them and their out in the car this night with this person and their school over here and are doing something over here and sums it all was not that bad. You just take a drag on this.

All the kind of things you have no control over. But God does. And you talk to your heavenly father and spray very specifically, not just for external things like you hope they do good in school and this pray Gotto give them a heart for him, pray God and give him a thirst for righteousness, pray got it cause them to love holiness.

Pray Gotto give them wisdom in their choosing the right friends pray Gotto help them resist temptation. Ask God to work in your kids lives and he will third practical outworking is create structures and schedule times that makes family life a priority. You, the chief operating officer of the home speed kills relationships that which is hoped for, but not scheduled rarely happens there's times where is a mom you just lay down the law were going to eat at this time everybody do you understand that include you, dear, turn off the computer turn off the ballgame. We will look you can watch ESPN all the highlights be on here later anyway. Everyone's gonna be together mealtimes, bedtimes, vacations, you develop a structure and a system where love can grow and enforce it. You are the glue and we will all listen to you. Finally, teach your kids how to live the most powerful teacher in all the all the research, the most powerful teacher and any person's life is not the mother will have the deepest connection. Let's face it, you have known the child longer than anyone on the planet right like I didn't really get involved in the whole parenting deal until at least nine months after we got going that correct or not. And the first for five months.

As a dad. You're just lame is true, all you will can I change him up okay. I mean there is a bonding that occurs first. Inside the mother and about the first five, six months coming until they can kinda recognize what's going on. I mean we do all the stuff we throw them up and stuff like that when their babies but the fact the matter. There is a bond and a connection and I watched my wife and other women teach their kids, but sometimes you just go through life and there's demands and there's pools and there's carpools and and there's working and so let me give you some things that I've seen and don't have to write all this down, but if these are things that I think you should teach your kids or consider teaching a teaching to read. It's interesting for my kids got to school, my wife taught all my kids to read and they all became readers a teaching to pray. Teach them to cook even when they're small, both sexes, a teaching to listen.

Teach them to celebrate. We live in this fast-paced make a difference, go, go, go, perform perform teaching to celebrate teaching to be generous early on teaching to be generous at teaching a craft teaching how to make a talk introduction, transition two or three main points, teaching how to communicate verbally teaching how to resolve conflict whether apologizing or attacking the issue instead of the person teach them to write a paper teaching to play an instrument. Teach him to play a sport.

Teach them how to relax and not feel guilty I mean you are the teacher what this isn't. This is like this to do list for next week. But what if you said in the next 2 to 5 years, you know, for the next two or three months. I think I'll work on teaching them to read or you know I played the flute of the guitar. I haven't had that out in 10 years you know I got a five-year-old. That seems to have little interest in music.

I just think I'll teaching the notes and phonetics for five months. We just do that. Maybe you know 10 or 15 minutes every other day and ladies, when you get some intentionality about this role and you see your kid light up when we gonna stop and say we ought to decide what matters in our home.

We are to take responsibility for how our kids turn out, not the school, not the Sunday school not somebody else not we are going to be what our kids need and wording to give them the direction that they need to learn both spiritually and emotionally, intellectually and physically. May I never teaching my kids you know you gonna take for granite when when my older boys were in six grade ready going to junior high I just can't look one and I just realize no one's taken an interest in their physical development. Anyone can do like three push-ups and one could do one. I thought you and I used to be a coach. What where you been. Ingram and I remember we start to get up in the morning and you know what we just started doing some push-ups and set ups. Three months later they wanted to start on some weights, a year later they had little weight thing that they did and I watch by the time they went to junior high. Instead of going in is kind of these weak guys that people make fun of all the sudden I had some confidence will that that's it's true what does your daughter need. What does your son need. How do you teach and then finally make time. The best things in life are rarely on your official schedule. Have you ever noticed that I mean the teachable moment the epiphany the time when nothing is planned and just laid across the bed for a few minutes and all of a sudden your daughter opens up and talks about this huge fear that she has this relationship that she's thinking about or this temptation she had, or it, or all of a sudden you see harried stressed-out overwhelmed overworked mothers with no margin missed the first step of their kids miss when the lights come on. Possibly when they come to Christ, miss those special conversations in those times. Anyway, you have to just be available To create a world where we aren't always going somewhere were not always accomplishing something and there isn't always some technology blaring. Boredom is a gift that you give your kids that is the birthing place of spontaneity and creativity and some of the greatest things you ever experience is when you're just hanging out and as you're hanging out some pretty exciting things happen. The third thing you're called to do is beyond the role of a champion and a mother. It's the role of a mentor, a woman's third priority is to train younger women in the art of becoming a godly wife and mother, older women are commanded to impart wisdom and provide direction for the next generation. You are a spiritual guide to provide practical insight and coaching in their personal life there development seat. We used to have a world where grandmothers and extended families live close to one another and one generation would pass on everything from recipes to wisdom how to resolve conflict, how to get along and we don't live in that world anymore.

Some of us have family across the nation.

Some have family across the globe. Now we live with such speed and performance and your young daughter what's her beautiful woman. She wasn't made to be strong enough. That's not weakness takes both and she needs a man little lover for her and put his arm around her and be sensitive and be caring and lead and raise a child and say you were made to put the imprint of your gifts and qualities into the life of this child and working to grow closer and closer together and I can't do it without you, and you can't do without me and you know something I love you through thick and thin.

I love you till death do us part. That's what she needs and that would fill her heart and we got all we got women in this room from teenagers to 20s to 30s to 40s to 50s that our culture has so given us that picture. And the people that have hit the very top of what were supposed to be fulfilled by are now trying to figure out how to be moms and find mentors and be champions without a man and God would say I've got a better plan's rights to some very important questions to ponder. I wanted should a woman work outside the home, when, why or why not. And you note talk with a mentor kick some stuff around here's what I can tell you if priorities number one in your marriage is a champion and priority number two all those things taken care of as a mother, then you just figure out when and how and why to work. It'll depend on the stage of life the stage of your kids or if you have kids, your energy, your giftedness, your personality and your capacity can be really, really different. But here's what I will tell you all the research is very very clear that first about six years to 780% of your child's personality will be formed and about 70 to 80% of the bonding that occurs in the imprints as that child is soaking up like wet cement. What matters what's values what are my morals and my secure what is life all about.

You just have to decide how much a second job. A second car owning a home is worth compared to outsourcing your most precious possession and hoping that some way. Somewhere there's a really nice person in a daycare that will love your child the way that only you can see I just asked that question is what happens is we mortgage and think I have to work up well and you know what, by the way this this raises big issues doesn't. I member teaching something similar to this.

A number of years ago and the art was a fairly young Christian about six or eight months old in the Lord and I taught through this and he said, I talked your signature.

He says we can't live from one income and my wife be with our kids. We got two small kids. One of the brand-new baby and one's about two years old. I said supporting evidence it would move a supply, he said, because we can't live on one income and what I know is it maybe nice to live here, but 20 years from now we will of wished we spent our energy and our time and our money on what only we could do with the people that only we could influence. I said art. Have a good trip. Hope you member up to three years later getting a letter from Chip.

It's the greatest decision we ever made you Namibian times. Later kids get older, we can move back but you know we have these invisible things like we have to have these kind of cars we have to own home.

So you have to own home. This is yet on home but we have to because he to build up equity for what will for later. What's related will so good things can happen.

They don't like what good things all good things, like we can have financial security in our kids who don't know us and don't want to be around us and don't hang out with us can come to our really nice house but they fully holy second and I will tell you got a lot of this and it's it's a pretty short window but it might be hard.

I was full-time in seminary and working full time and I had two kids and then somehow 1/3 one came along way and I made $1000 a month and I just said my wife can stay home with my kids so I got up at four in the morning and his schoolwork and I went to school I worked, had dinner at and you know what it was. It was a short season, but for about four years. I put in about 15 to 17 hour days at him he was crazy and I slept about four or five hours in a make it up little bit on the weekend. I I wouldn't trade that for anything. We lived in government subsidized housing. We had one car without air conditioning in Texas are dates for we got to middle stroller and we live near Dunkin' Donuts and we could afford 2 cups of coffee because he gave refills back then we bought one doughnut and split and you know I don't look back on that, like, oh, the sacrifice you know those are neat stories. Now we just decided we'd rather be poor with money and rich in family but everybody makes decisions so you decide what matters most to that this this is a disturbing series, but the it challenges some of our premises. Some of your lives are going so fast at such a speed and you're pulled in so many directions. Some of you men need to say honey, would you, I don't know how you're feeling. Would you like to stay home.

Maybe she'll say no but what would happen if a man said would you like some margin in your life. I don't know what the implications are. Would you like to either go part-time or would you like to stay home during this window of time that you understand will Morgan be on a journey because what were going to say is your role as champion mother and mentor will pay a lot more dividends than the extra money can bring in. I saw one study that may be different, especially for women that have very high-power job so I want to exaggerate but I saw one study that after you pay for the second set to close the amount of time to eat out the nice second car and all the issues that come with the second job, the average couple's income increases by only about 15% by having both work so this is just a life of trade-offs in my saying it's wrong to work no.

I'm just saying that your Proverbs 31 a commensal woman for working it's different for different people in different seasons the ages of your kids, your personality, I mean, your energy, your capacity you need to figured out. All I want to say is God makes it clear what your top three priorities are single moms while this is where the church we get a step in and just keep helping and ladies you need to hear this and say the grace of God will cover what I don't have a have to work so I need to be with some other women to get support in any get my kids around some really positive environments to make up some things and God will give you grace and then I made a list this kinda gone to meddling. So Michael just, you know, go for it says that what husbands can do to lighten the home front. I saw a list as I was starting this week of about 30 things that happen in a home 30 things happen and I lime and so it's it's like an organizational bombing unbelievable number of things and I look at that list and I realize in most homes the women to about 28 of the 30 I mean wash clean plan groceries, cook finances. I mean, it listed like every possible thing that has to happen.

Dress wake up kids think ahead and so I thought how could a husband man, here's a list of the things that we might do to help your wife step in and support you one.

List all the jobs that happen in a home.

It is just make a list of everything that happens in the home and say who owns these and is just a little exercise. You might say. While might ask where could you help with homework. Where could you help with housework. May we live in a whole different day. I wash dishes. I do some vacuuming. I clean up after my you know finances, how could you make sure she has some time with some other women all take the kids see it's guys us stepping in and saying where and how can we step in at home and take the load of some of these month abilities to say I'm in this with, Jim will be right back.

But if you're just joining us, you're listening to living on the head Chip Ingram chips message today is from his series marriage that works in it. He goes back to the basics of how to develop and maintain a deep and intimate marriage with your strengthening yours now were looking to build one in the future for all the details on this powerful no holds barred truth and grace filled series give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 or visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org trip. I know you will be back with some application from today's teaching but before you do, what would you say to someone who sincerely wants to make progress in their marriage but hasn't come to a clear conclusion on what to do next. Well, I think we all feel that need and you realize maybe that you're stuck where you need to address it and I think the first thing is maybe listen to this get the MP3 or the CDN go online and just listen to it and say Lord, would you show me what to do second. I long to see God restore marriages in Christian homes that are rich and deep.

We have a best friend, you have a soulmate where there's genuine passion in every area of your life and saw the written a book called marriage that works and it's God's design is what he actually says from Scripture about how a marriage can be rich and deepen it in the romance can come back and the feelings can return and the commitment can be the foundation of all that works. So turn your intention into action. Thinking about this will not get it done us a call go on the Internet and get started this series marriage that works is available on CD, MP3 and the strip's newest book release, and as an incentive for you to get this new book will include chips brand-new set of marriage that works truth cards absolutely free of these are 20 cards, each with a lie. We tend to believe about marriage, and then the truth straight from Scripture to help you combat that lie so to pursue God's best for your marriage or future marriage and for complete details on all your resource options. Visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or give us a call at 188833360031 outer strip with some final thoughts from today's teaching ladies as we close today's program actually close the entire series I like to step back and maybe get a little perspective there's lots of demands on your life. You're very aware that of the Bible is very clear that your number one responsibility after your relationship with God is to affirm and strengthen and help your husband be the man that you long for him to be in God wants them to be the second priority is the nurture and the development of an environment for your family where they can grow and understand who God is and become who God designed them to be and then the third is one that we often don't think about it. See you passing on to younger women how to be a great wife how to be a great mom.

How discover their gifts, their skills, their dreams and as you do that, I just would remind you that sometimes women are afraid that they're going to miss out because a woman doesn't step back and realize there's a different role in different seasons and I think you get bombarded that you can miss out on everything you know if you really give attention to those young kids in the career path and all that's going to go down the drain. If you could grasp and understand that those roles in the right season they shift some when their kids are small and some when their preteens and others when their teens and others when they leave the home and if you can trust God, and you can say Lord I just want to be the woman you want me to be for this season. I will tell you that fulfillment that you long for God wants it for you more than you want it for yourself. On the flipside, guys, I just have to tell you as we wrap up the series, you have to step up. I mean I'm asking your wives, and God is asking your wife to step in. You guys step up. I mean, you have got to say how do I create a home environment with leadership that gives my wife some time to herself. I mean, I never saw my dad do this but I gotta tell you when my kids were small out of obedience to God. I helped with the Baz.

I told the stories I actually sat down and did the finances with my wife. Every two weeks. I had to learn it all from scratch.

I had to learn how to pray out loud with my wife, guys. It's not easy for us it's not easy for them but do you have a house or do you have a home. God has a blueprint for you for a great marriage. It takes focus, knowledge, intentionality, grace, and a lot of hard work and my prayer is that you will stop at nothing less than turning your house into a godly home. As we wrap up today's program.

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You can call us at 188833360034 if you prefer, donate online at http://livingontheedge.org will tomorrow chip continues our month-long focus on relationships with the message called growing through divorce, balance, truth and grace with a perspective on divorce, you may not consider to be sure to make plans to join us. Until then, this is really saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge