God's Boundaries for Abundant Living - A Word to Families in an Age of Chaos, Part 1

Whether you grew up in a happy, healthy home suffered through years of abuse and neglect, and a dysfunctional family. The next 25 minutes may be the most important time you spend all week. In fact it might even change your life because today were going to talk about God's prescription for healthy family relationships are not welcome to this Tuesday edition of living on the drift your finger Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram on this daily discipleship program and today Chip continues his series God's boundaries for abundant living is giving us a fresh look at the 10 Commandments number five. Honor your father and mother, which kinda sounds more like a listening matter. Jeff explains an accurate understanding of commandment number five could significantly change the way your view of your parents but your family and parenting in general. Now with his message from Exodus chapter 20 years.

Chip or taken a fresh look at the 10 Commandments and were in commandment number five have entitled this award to families and age of chaos and I'll never forget the first time I did all the research on this and I taught it in a non-biblically oriented community and I began talking them around staff and people what you think it means to honor your mom and dad set up before I teach this you know want to find out, what people were thinking and it was amazing where they said I have no idea how I don't even know what it means to honor someone what's it mean to think for small kids or what you think it means when you're an adult and what what's it look like when you're 30 years old or 40 years old or 45 years old. What's it look like to honor your mom or your dad. What's it look like when you have kids that are five or six or seven in the real small and you're the parent and you have this command they're supposed to honor you, what your role as a parent and what you do when your 10, 12, 14, 15, and you're very coherent. You understand how life works and you realize this command was given to all of God's people. This this this command was not given to a Sunday school class. This wasn't given to some little group of small children.

Now this is what you need to know this was given at Mount Sinai from God out of this complete pagan background and the children were there. The adults were there they heard God's voice and so the application is for children for teens for adults and even older adults about what it means to honor your mother and your father. So let's look at the text together. It's really pretty straightforward. The command is Exodus 1220 honor your father and mother, the promises, so that you may live long in the land and the Lord, the Lord your lot. God is giving you to buy me this is not like difficult to honor your father and your mother so honor your parents. The promise then God is saying to this group of people as he is moving them into this land. There is going to be a correlation between how you respond to your parents and the quality of your life in this new land. I'm going to give you what does it mean then to honor your parents. Let me give you definition of the word honor here this word literally in Hebrew means to be heavy it means to glorify it means to ascribe value and worth to your parents.

It means to respect them or to hold them in high regard and the word usage in the exact same form of this Hebrew word to give you a little color little background on how this word is used elsewhere in Leviticus 19, three. The word is used for the honor or the all in fear and respect. That's to be given. God in Deuteronomy 2619 it this exact same word in this exact same form is used for fame or praise or speaking well of it's the enhancing the reputation of another and then finally this exact same word in first Samuel 229 and 30.

It has the idea of wanting to please wanting to obey someone in a relationship. So that's the idea of honor is the idea of valuing respecting obeying speaking well of lifting them up. Giving weight to their position to the person. Now the question then is why did God give this command and if you have that pan that I've asked you to bring on getting the three reasons why I think God gave this command and to have you noticed that this command is very different. We had four commands and where is been the focus of all, the first four commands vertical know God's but the true God no worship, but authentic worship.

Don't abuse my name the Sabbath day. It's my day. Keep it holy. And now what he's doing. This is the transitional command.

This command goes from how we are to relate to God in our own personal life. This is the very first command that deals with human relationships with one another, and so the very first reason he gives this command is that the family is the foundation for human relationships. If it doesn't work at home. God's core God's desire God's divine design or intent. The family unit and and God is not great or are blurry about what the family unit is the family unit is not a group of people who decide to learn and want to live together they get the family unit is not people who can adopt a baby even though they're both of the same-sex the family unit in Scripture is very clear. A mother, a father and children. A man and a woman monogamous relationship committed in covenant before God together an offspring called children that is the family that is the divine design now. Are there times where a mate dies.

Yes. Are there times where you find yourself a single parent reasons that you don't have control of and will God give grace absolutely. But what he wants us to understand is that the foundation for human relationships designed by God is the family and it's the first priority of all human relationships is the core is the nuclear's it's the glue of humanity and you've heard the said probably on James Dobson a million times as the family goes, so goes the nation and it's true there is a reason why this is the fifth command. The second reason is it's the foundation for respect of authority. This ideal honoring has to do with respect or obedience to authority. It will be impossible for small little boys and small little girls if they don't learn to respect and obey a parent that they can see they will never respect or obey other human authority and there is a there is a line of heart hierarchy and God's design.

There are people that are the boss in the family there people that are morally responsible that they make the rules that they are in charge that they are culpable and they're responsible and there's other people in the family matter submit to those rules and there is a stewardship of parents will learn little bit later of not exasperating our children of not using rules is a club of doing it in context of love. But you know what is someone else's said parenting is not for cowards.

It takes courage. We have fallen into the day where every parent in our culture is the goals to be your kids buddy to be their best friend. I got news for you, there's plenty of good buddies and plenty good friends and and there's a time where that will evolve, but your kids need understand your parent.

The Latin word for parent interesting little phrase in local day in the place of God. That's what the Latin derivative of the word parent means is that God has placed a parent in the home. In place of God, so that a small child would understand the holiness the love the compassion and the authority of God in human flesh for a period of time.

So the foundation for family relationships. Second, the foundation for the respect of authority. And third, the foundation of human development. The foundation of human development of both undergraduate and graduate work. I change my majors a lot but I ended up with some education degrees and a psych degree in undergraduate and graduate work.

And here's what I'll tell you whether your Adlerian Erickson Skinnerian young it doesn't matter your background every psychological study in the world will tell you the most powerful socializing agent in the entire world is the human family.

There is peers there's experience there is there's traumatic things that happen, but when you want to find out what most impacts a person's view of themselves view of life sense of being loved, self-esteem, sexual identity and moral values. The socialization process by and large the most powerful one in the world is called the family and some of you if we had a microphone we could pass it around and you could talk about how true that is. And some it would be for better and others it be for worse, for some of you your 4050 60 years old and you still have little tapes that you learned from your mom or your dad or family unit that said that you are a loser and that you're no good and you'll never amount to anything and why don't you shut up and you're supposed to be this and you're supposed to be that and you spent a huge part of your adult life working through baggage and junk because the human family unit shapes people's hearts that shapes their minds. It shapes their emotions. It shapes how they see themselves, and that's by design, and that's why it's so important that we do life God's way. That's why it's so important that your kids get an amazing balance of firm boundaries that create security and where they get overdoses of affirmation and love and encouragement the produces significance. Every kid is always asking two questions can I have my own way and do you love me and the answer to. Can I have my own way and I mean my selfish own way. For me the answers always know an answer to. Do you love me, the answer is always yes. Regardless of what they've done where they've been, what they go through when you keep those two things in balance, you produce kids that are very secure. Have a healthy sense of significance and know what it means to submit to authority. So God gives us this brand-new way about how relationships work in the family. It's the foundation of human relationships, respect for authority and human development that turn the page. If you will.

And let's get down to the real practical. What does it look like to honor our parents and I'm good. I'm to look at this in three stages or phases I want to talk about what it looks like to honor your parents when your child a smaller child up to the preteens in the home.

Then I want to move on because as you study it. I looked up every verse in all the Bible New Testament about family and obeying and honoring where pops up and know what you find is that when kids get to be in those later teen to early adult years, but still living in the home.

It looks different to honor your parents and what you can find is that when you are a middle-age parent and your parents are aging. You still there's your parents you're still to honor your parents. But what the Scripture says what that looks like is completely different. So let's look at them one at a time. What's it look like to honor our parents as a child I honor my parents by write the word in obeying them what when there's a small child whether there 3579 11 coming off on up through the teens but the child honors their parents first and foremost by obeying them.

Ephesians 61 to 4 says children.

It's a command obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right now. Did you notice what what is quoting here.

Honor your father and mother. The apostle Paul, inspired by the spirit is reaching back the fifth command, which is the first commandment with a promise why it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth so huge children. Here is your responsibility, obedience, and then notice the and notices morally responsible home does say parents does an online say mothers what to say.

Fathers do not exasperate your children instead bring them up. It's an interesting word in the Greek that has for the full development of the child bring them up or nurture them spiritually, emotionally, physically create an environment how in the training and instruction of the Lord.

And so when a small child up through those teenage years, they honor parents by obeying and if you will with that pen that you brought Circle the word obey the compound word is kinda interesting. So it's worth kicking around the word obey. Here is who Bo to be under a coup and and I use that because there's a there's a sound. How many people play guitar in here okay a handful. How many people when I say this room has good acoustics you know what I'm saying and acoustic guitar is a kind of guitar. That's where we get our word acoustic or hearing who Bo means to be under so there's a picture here where obedience is your little children specially need to be under the hearing of your word that means they obey you when you speak.

Children obey your parents. That means do what they say and I want to suggest that obedience has three characteristics one it's immediate to its complete, not partial. In other words, when you save your kids clean up your room, 67% of the clean room is not obedience hundred percent of the clean room is a big it's immediate it's complete and it's with a good attitude. The number one thing you need is parents to teach your kids early on about away when you start real early. The better it is for them and the better it is for you. Teach them to obey and we got a generation of people, but this is how it goes. A very ventral grocery store and is about a tutor three or maybe four-year-old, and in the cart right in the lady of the guys going like this and the kids leaning over reaching over everything tenant parent not known. Can I can I not know know you can have it came and and you is that you watch this battle that sometimes increase my walk around if I catch this. I just can't get about 50 feet. I just watch. I just want to see how much of this is going to go on and you know who almost always wins as battles is not the parent you know all the McDonald's commercials by enlarging who their gear for figure for kids you know who determines where you go out to eat.

Most families in America. The older parents are thinking about nutrition what's best know what the kids and how they get their way and nag nag nag nag nag and we have a generation of people that kids have learned to teach their parents rightly, how to abide and so we got five and 89-year-olds directing the world how many times have you been in a little convicting here certainly happen to me how many times you been over to some friends house and when your kids were small. Or maybe, now in their back either playing in the back bedroom or they're playing some toys over here or remember one time there playing in a sandbox and this is so classic and and so you all go over there and listless not make it you. Let's make it some very insensitive, probably parent is not anything like you, but this could happen somewhere someday and so they say you know you guys have had coffee and dinner and you're ready to go and you do it parents to honey I'll go tell the kids it's time to go. So there's two kids playing out the sandbox is Johnny.

Okay, it's time to go right now. Let's go and then like parents you got from the table so you come to one of those doors, not the front door to one of the doors and you start talking right now and when you look neither kids moved they studied you for years.

I mean they didn't flinch.

A toy didn't even come out of the sin and then you talk for five or six more minutes because you've been trained by your child and then you go back safe, Johnny right now. Put the toys away and let's go and then you move from that doorway to right near the door where you're actually going to leave and you start talking again. The one kid looks at the other goes shrugged her shoulders keep fine, and pretty soon you realize it's been 15 minutes and then because your highly trained adult right now.

Get out here in the kid casually looks at his friend goes about time to go see and you know what it's kind of funny when you tell it like that you know what that kid is learning that kid is learning and has been taught that when your veins pop out and when your voice is high when you're screaming like someone's ready to die. It's only then that you're going to act and only then that they need to obey. And when when it's three and five and six we can laugh in a room like this when they're 16, it's not very funny. I learned this, almost the hard way. There was a there's a hedge that was about as high as these chairs and trees and I were taken a walk and I was learning how to be a parent and still learning, but back then. I've had a lot lot more to learn and our boys were running out ahead of us. They were about 4 1/2 at the time were hold hands take a little walk and there was a hedge like this and then write up about here.

There was a driveway and then people coming off this road and then another hedge in the driveway make a very long story short, my Wendell son was, he would run up ahead. I said Eric Eric slow down. Stay close to us and he would wave and run and I would say my hearing of my word, and he would obey, and he wouldn't obey and was kinda cute. And then my peripheral vision I saw a car coming out and he couldn't.

There's no way he could see my little boy and it was like a nightmare. I could see my little boy going and here's the opening and here's the car I can see an ice cream stop and he laughed and ran, and I mean it was like one of those times.

I think you know maybe my mind's eye, overly dramatic, but I just everything flashing. Funny, I thought I just lost my boy and you know what, it wasn't his fault.

My phone I had taught him that when I speak.

You don't have to obey.

I'm not taught him that when I calmly say Eric stop those words have content and they have meaning and I committed myself from that point on, with all my kids, that when I say it calmly. When I say at one time and any non-not harsh but when I say it calmly and one time I expect you to immediately obey completely obey and with a good attitude, obey, and if you don't you will get to experience the consequences of your behavior and when you do you will get to experience the good consequences of your behavior and early on when I knew it was hard for them.

You know I would go I would go over at the door I would get all the way over. Eric yeah dad I get his eyes were going to go. You understand. Yes, right now I want you to put everything down and I want you to get cleaned up and I want you to come okay. Do you understand that yes good and then that's that's all I said and if he did not obey immediately completely with a good attitude that I would teach you how to do that and you something when they learned that at 457-8910 and by the way, when my kids got Slack you know what I found out the problem was one them, as I would start saying it, not meaning children number one responsibility.

The only command I can find in Scripture for child is obedience, and parents.

Your number one responsibility is not their self-image. Your number one responsibility is not to make him a great volleyball player basketball player, ballerina or musician your number one responsibility is not that they get into a good school, have good grades and or you have great social skills. Your number one responsibility is to make sure that your kids know how to obey you. They can see so they can learn to obey God who they can't see and that's what it means to honor your parents about the way you know if you're a student or child here, I would just ask is do you obey your parents and you do with a good attitude when that when there's a conflict between your schedule or something you really want to do in your parents are in a bind. Do you have a cooperating spirit that says you know what God placed my parents here. They have a life to yeah mom, dad, that's okay, you all go ahead like I can Mrs. one Zachary is really really important God.

This this word wasn't given just to group of adults.

This this word was given with young people standing and hearing and this was very, very serious, so serious that you know in Deuteronomy 21 don't read that lets you like to have had dinner and you're in a relaxed mode and you know you just want to think with juvenile delinquency was a non-issue. In the Old Testament community because you know what the price tag or the penalty was for cursing your mother or your father. I mean just talking back in a cursing tone and showing disrespect for your mother or father based on no I don't have any place in the Old Testament where they actually that I hear of had to inflict that but just to be on the books. If I was a young kid I would say that they come to obey mom and dad. There is a healthy fear that is positive and I think it's important for us to have that delicate balance and yes I think there was a generation were parents were harsh, I think there was a generation were kids were to be seen and not heard, and I think that pendulum swung so far that we have not taught our kids to obey us, we do not take it seriously great harm. What does it look like to honor your parents as a child.

Very simply put, you obey right back. If you're just joining us, you're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram chips message award to families in an age of chaos is from his series God's boundaries for abundant living.

Strip explained today other than a harsh list of prohibitions.

The commandments are actually life-giving instructions from a heavenly father who loves his children. God's boundaries for abundant living provides a high view of God that will give you a new appreciation of your relationship with creating a solid foundation for every aspect of your life. If that's something you'd like to learn more about. We want to help for limited time, the CDs for God's boundaries are discounted and the MP3s are absolutely free. You'll find God's boundaries resources on our website LivingontheEdge.org or if you prefer to talk with one of our customer care representatives give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 Wiltshire communal speaking of parents. I think some people see God as a cosmic parent who just wants to keep us from enjoying life. Now how can we better understand the loving father behind his commandments mean Scripture explains it. Why don't we know it. Greg questioned Dave what we know from the research is the average believer in Jesus Christ is not in God's word on a regular basis. So what I wanted to do was I wanted to help ordinary people, people that just want to know, but just don't have the tools of getting into God's word but not like I need to read so many chapters are gotta love me more if I read more, but in a very practical way. It's how I learned to read the Bible in a way to hear God's voice to connect with God. I it's a very simple format. It's it's short that's only five-part the teaching time is only about seven minutes and there's another 10 or 12 minutes to actually practice what I teach. So I think it's really really good to help people and I cannot wait for those who want to learn to get it and those who discipling others to have a tool in their hands that they can share and to help the people that they love really hear God's voice as they get into God's word Greek word trip. Whether you use it for yourself or share it with others.

Your discipling this online video course how to hear God's voice in Scripture is a great resource tool do these five video lessons on your own time at your own pace or as a group is your relationship with God deepens your confidence will increase and you'll actually begin to look forward to spending time with them. Just go online to LivingontheEdge.org to check out this free video resource and take your next step toward hearing God speak to you through his word without her strip with a final thought as we close today's program. I have to imagine that there are some of you that actually are pretty discouraged right now when you hear God's word that says your kids need to honor you and you have kids that are talking back, disrespectful, don't come in, you get conflict in your home. Let me just tell you that I had been there and I can tell you there are literally thousands of parents that have been through what you're going through and part of the issue is yes is your processing this you need to set clear boundaries. I need to address some issues, but there's part of it that it's you know you you no matter what you do there sometimes were you kids just do some things that make it very difficult or impossible for there to be a lot of peace in the family so let me encourage number one.

If this sounds trite, but really pray God will change your son or daughter's heart number to ask God for the grace to love them even when they're responding in a way that makes you crazy. That doesn't mean you give in, doesn't mean is not consequences what can happen is your heart can get hard and you can start to get where you don't care and you get numb you don't want to go there. You always want your kids to know you can't have your way in an evil, disrespectful ways.

What I mean by that but number two is I will not stop loving you and so you keep engaging with them and one of the other things you need is you need hope because when you're in the midst of this, as we were many, many years ago. You just feel like it's never going to and let me encourage you when were in the throes of it were in a trust God to set boundaries with love our kids and the sovereign, all wise, loving God of the universe has changed kids in the past and he's going to change in the future. Just before we close.

I want to say thanks to those of you who are making a monthly donation to the ministry of Living on the Edge your regular contributions free us to plan and make commitments. We couldn't otherwise do so. You're making a huge difference helping other Christians look like Christians. If you're enjoying the benefits of Living on the Edge, but are yet giving you prayerfully consider joining the team. You can set up a recurring donation by visiting our website LivingontheEdge.org or by giving us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Thanks for doing whatever the Lord leads you to do well. Until next time, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening. this Edition of Living on the Edge