God's Boundaries for Abundant Living - No Second-Rate Sex, Part 1

Right now as you hear my voice. There is a marriage ready to dissolve in a family on the verge of coming apart because one or both parties have settled for second-rate sex right now you hear my voice.

There's a couple living together and struggling deeply because both parties have settled for second-rate sex right now there's a single person on his way to do something he or she knows is wrong because they're going to settle for second rate sex on today's program. God wants to love you and protect you and help you by showing you don't settle for second rate sex. Welcome to this Monday edition of Living on the Edge with children Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching up your bedroom on this daily discipleship program picture continues is look at the 10 Commandments are series God's boundaries for abundant living brings a fresh perspective to lifesaving instructions from God's word of you missed any of chips messages along the way.

Find them@thingonthe.org pellets join them for today's message from Exodus chapter 20 verse 14. I want to give me some facts about sex as we enter into the seventh command that I've entitled no second-rate sex. First I like to say that sex is far from free.

It's costing us plenty right now.

Free sex is costing us hundreds and hundreds we are paying. I mean financially alone. Hundreds of millions of dollars every year because of the violation of the seventh command. The psychological price tag is even higher. We just did a film series that is called North points were Andy Stanley teaches and on Tuesday night. They have about, oh, 30 504,000 they call me young people, but is about 16 through 40 in their single and we did a series called love, sex, and lasting relationships. And then we had a film crew. After we taught it and no one knew we were filming because we wanted to be very life. When you talk about love, sex, and lasting relationships with about 4000 single people.

Maybe I'm telling you there's energy in the room.

No and then afterwards we had this place were people we can ask you know would like to hear what you think and we videotaped.

I think somewhere around 50 to 80 interviews and and you know what in our day and age people are very candid and I've never heard stories of such pain and such hurt of people who said Nana I just thought I was doing what everybody else was doing and I had no idea that the pain psychologically. It was on both ends. It was the people that have been used and abused in and were just a one night stand for someone of the stories of girls who someone said I love you I love you I love you and they learned they were loved at all in the store is a member of the one man actually who shared he said you know something is. This was in a corresponding situation. I had a guy that I played basketball with in college and he came home one night devastated me depressed and I asked what was going on is a big 6668 guy we hang around together and coming to her three days I couldn't get out of environments that what is going on and he was date, little freshman and he said two nights ago I caused a young girl to lose her virginity and I told her that I loved her and I don't and I didn't mean it but it works and I got what I wanted and every day I get up and shave and I feel such shame and such guilt and I just I see what is done to her, and by the way it initiated within 24 hours the end of their relationship. See, there's a financial cost of quote free sex. There's a psychological cost and I don't think there's anyone here probably in this room that hasn't experienced a spiritual cost when you have lusted when you've been involved in things sexually of whatever nature that violates God's command target price may have had times where you not just I just can't get those prayers quite even up to the ceiling. I can't get them to bounce off the ceiling.

When I've entertained things in my mind or had times in my life when I violated what I know what God wants and their arc. There are Christians today. What you will never find someone who is fruitful deeply fruitful for Christ and experiencing the kind of peace in the kind of love and a kind of joy that hasn't dealt with successfully.

Overall, getting victory in the area of sexual purity and you will if you could really peel back the layer of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of Christians all over America. There's people live in these double lives who go to church you go through the motions but have secret fantasies who have secret Internet issues with secret romance fantasies about what it would be like someday, some way with another man and they live this dichotomy in the put on the space that everything's okay and they go to Bible study and the go to church and they play a game and their hearts, torn into the spiritual price tag of the lack of intimacy with God because of sexual sin is more than any of should ever pay sexism for the cost is financially to cost us psychologically cost us spiritually and it cost us medically. I taught in a place that was very open, very free, very loose and I know I can tell you where I was standing next to the door after the service is at this church. No one got in a line and said all pastor wonderful sermon what that you I never got to the back door ever. When I got done and I got down to about here. There was a line of people and say what about .2 has I can work or you know what I never open the Bible till now and I'm living with this girl and like coming. So what are we supposed to do after what you said.

I mean, you know she's got income I got income houses really good work and it would just line up 45 minutes until the next service and you do counseling and I never forget the first time that I was over on the corner door and a young woman came up after this particular message about sexuality and said you know what I violated that command and I like to find out how I could be forgiven because I know I'm gonna need it now and later because I just learned on HIV-positive and I know exactly how I get it. Got it and I don't use drugs when you look into the eyes of someone who is HIV-positive and knows they're going to die and they know they're going to die because they did something that God said don't because he made a boundary because he loves us so much.

I'll tell you what it will give you some convictions about standing up at dinner parties and lovingly when simile graciously talking about. This is what God says unashamedly. You can think I'm old-fashioned, but what I'll say is the anti-intellectual in the room isn't me. It's you in denial about the real facts so fact number one is that free sex is costing us plenty and fax number two is sex outside of marriage under any circumstances is you got that pan. I ask you to bring every looks good group.

Your learning is good right the word sin sex outside of marriage under any circumstances is sent. I'm amazed at the number of Christians I meet who will tell me things like the Bible doesn't really say that sex outside marriage is really sin does it. I mean, it might allude to it but doesn't really say that. So let's put this song on record first effluent first Thessalonians 43 to 8 says it is God's will.

That's pretty clear it's God's will that you should be sanctified or set apart that you should avoid sexual immorality and then in case you don't know what that phrase means that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust, like the heathen who do not know God and in this matter.

Let no one wrong his brother take advantage of the ideas is when you have sex with someone who's can end up someone else's mate. You defrauded him you took advantage of you spoiled for that manner for that woman a very special moment in relationship to God wanted for them. The Lord will punish men for all such sins as we've already been told and warned you why. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, just in case you know, you're missing the point here, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man, but God, who gives the Holy Spirit.

The Bible is very clear. There are some great issues in Scripture. This is an issue that is black and white.

It is clear that any type of sexuality, except between a man and a woman inside the boundary of marriage is called sin is called missing the mark.

It's called not doing God's will. It's called asking for psychological, physical, spiritual, and medical pain in your life and God put this boundary around sex. Not because he's a prude, not because he's Victorian, not because you know God's a little bit embarrassed when sexual things happen. I'm getting along on record say not only is God, not Victorian or prude but God actually fact number three is pro-sex and by the way the church needs to hear this as much as the world needs to hear that he's put a boundary around it back number three God is pro-sex erratic. He invented it did everything that this menace I mean God is all-knowing that he could've figured out a lot of ways for us to multiply me know when you think you look at nature.

I mean there's there's some ways where there's just two cells in the cells divide on their own. I guess we could've been you walking around one day and all of a sudden you looking there's two of your something like that. But God decided that there was a better way. God is pro-sex. He determined that the best way not only for procreation but for intimacy and for pleasure and because it brings the light to his heart. He would invent a way for a man and a woman to come together inside this boundary of marriage were he would bless them. He invented and that he actually speaks about it. Notice the Scripture says, far from it being something dirty necessary and I guess if you can ever have kids, you gotta go through this terrible act but that is men actually what the church is taught in some ways it affects some great church fathers have really missed the mark on this one. Martin Luther, although he had a number of kids actually taught that sex was just for procreation. If you weren't having sex to you know have more kids then it's wrong, just perverted.

God says, by contrast, Hebrews 13 for the marriage bed is holy. It's to be undefiled.

It's to be enjoyed without shame, without any holding back inside of marriage. God says sex is about love. It's not about lust it's about not being self-centered. It's about expressing communication and commitment with the person you love the most. God says I want to give you a good thing. I want you to experience with this one person.

This bond this commitment to express your emotions, your mind, your heart in a way that's too intimate for words and by the way I think are some Christians at that actually think that when a man and a woman are having sexual union for God might look down and just cover when I say oh, Gabriel. I just can't look as though there's something holy or uncomfortable, unholy, or uncomfortable. I want you know the God of the Bible under the right circumstances, a man and woman married loving one another celebrates that and says this is an active price.

There's not a lot of places in Scripture I have for God says this is holy, keep it undefiled. This is special that you do the psychological research and you'll find it. Sexuality and spirituality are very closely linked very closely linked. And when you read in Old Testament passages when God wants to make parallels about unity and intimacy in the Old Testament, he talks about spiritual adultery. And when he wants to come up with a metaphor to try and somehow explain this mystery of our union with Christ. What you come up with Ephesians chapter 5 it's marriage and all of its fullness sakes. Sex is sacred.

Not only that it's encouraged to read the passage but if you want your husband to get in a little Bible study tell them. Proverbs 515 to 20 would be a good text very graphic. It's R-rated I'm witness is that this is a passage literally just comes out this gentleman take all your sexual drive and energy and keep it at home, gentleman. Let your wife's breasts satisfy you gentlemen be intoxicated with her love is a sound like a God is a prude is a sound like a God that something that's necessary.

You kinda have to just get it over with. Were we in the church will pay something for as much explicit sexual sexuality there is in our culture among church people in the counseling.

I've done this is a huge error in the Christian community for couples that really love each other really love God and really are clicking on all cylinders. A number of areas you would be astounded. Or you wouldn't be. Maybe you're not inside going know I would be astounded at all of the number of couples that can't speak openly and honestly about what this means in their relationship where they struggle in this relationship where they've had baggage in the past from this relationship where there's been failures that have influenced this and how they can come together in a way that is honoring to God that is holy and is encouraged. In fact, that the song of Solomon was so provocative in the middle ages more commentaries written on the song of Solomon in all other books of the Bible combine in the Middle Ages. At one point time they had to tell the monks you aren't allowed to read the song of Solomon see if it is a graphic picture from God's perspective of what he longs for a man and a woman to enjoy sex is sacred. It's encouraged and it's commanded and out of the last time you heard a message on first Corinthians 73 through five, but it's very clear. It says wives, your body is not your own husbands, your your body is not your own that there is there is a dynamic in the sexual unit not understand but God is really clear. He says that when a woman has a desire for her man and needs to be held in love. The need sexual intimacy or if a man has desire for his wife and needs to be affirmed and encouraged and why it is so affirming and encouraging for me. I don't know okay I don't know but ladies you go home and take a walk.

Those of you turmeric take a walk today with your husband and and go ahead and ask him. You know, honey what that guy said that is that like really true, but is it really true that you feel more like a man, and more affirmed and more loved and that no matter what's happening out there and all the pressures and all the stresses that when we come together you feel like somehow you're affirmed and that your secure and you matter and you're a real man and things really okay you ask your husband and guys all you have to do. If this is an uncomfortable area. All you do is it in in the Scriptures clear and this is disobeyed everywhere except for a commitment to mutually pray. We need to offer ourselves one to another sexually and if their struggles here often the sexual relationship is like one of the lights on the dashboard and if it's not working real well and by the way, can I just say this. I've never met a couple have been tons of counseling and like a been married for over 25 years.

I've never met anyone so far that hasn't had a struggle in this area in one season of their marriage and not coming. If you think that what everyone else really has ago they really love God, but probably never had a problem that their line and if you have a problem or a struggle often is like a light on the dashboard. This is something under the hood needs addressed unit is if one person in the marriage relationship is insensitive and you get anger and resentment toward them about it, guess where it shows up Joseph in the bedroom. You can't make love to someone and feel uninhibited and caring toward someone.

You get anger in your heart you know when when there is not long walks and talks and sensitivity and encouragement and nurturing a relationship and at 10 o'clock at night. The husband says while I'm really attracted to you and the wife and her heart feels like attracted to me. Yeah I just feel use where were you when I was doing the dishes. Where was human. You know, when you came home and I have 3 Kids Cir. around my feet. Where were you when I feel all the pressure and I did the dishes. I get the finances can you watch a ballgame for three hours and you come to bed and you want to be with me in the order heart is get a break, buddy. I'm tired fact, excuse me, I feel a headache coming on and see the sexual relationship is a barometer on the dashboard to let you know.

Maybe there's some work that needs to happen in the marriage. Maybe some energy and time that needs to go in as a man, nurturing, loving, caring, and communicating with my wife as a woman maybe tells me that maybe have got some unresolved anger, hurt toward my husband and that's why is he what we do. We were really smart people were passive-aggressive.

We learn how to punish one another and the average woman is learned. She has one trump card in the marriage relationship and that one trump card she can control an awful lot about what happened and what doesn't happen by her withholding sexuality to her husband and what I want you to know is is not the way to go God says I'm pro six.

I invented it. It's a gift, but is not a gift that comes giftwrapped and you never have any problems. It's a gift like every other gift you need to work at it to enjoy it.

To experience the sacred encouraged commanded activity to love and fulfill your mate. God is very pro-sex but you notice he's profamily. God says sex belongs inside the fireplace. See if you could take fire and you take it outside the fireplace and you can build a fire on the living room floor right there's only one problem. What happens the house burns down its fire.

It produces light and provides warmth. He just burns down the house, but you can take the same fire and stick it in the fireplace and there's boundaries around the fireplace here produces light it produces warmth and you know when electricity was out you I'm learning cool food.

There, God wants you know is that's what sex is its fire. It's a God-given gift to bring about life and encouragement in law but but it's got to be inside this boundary for fact fourth fact is that cheaters never win what I've said so far there's a lot of people in the back of their mind or Santa. Maybe some of you want but you could be on drugs is 1/21 century you are you actually saying look, I'm single okay or are unmarried and you understand it's not that we don't have enough not to my marriage like we have bad sex. We don't have sex I could go find this somewhere and I love God, I would church once a month and I came to this camper of this church service. Whatever are you actually saying.

Like with two brain cells working you.

You really are telling me that not this is not only God's will, but it's a good thing. And the best thing for me is to keep sex inside the boundaries of marriage.

One man one woman forever. Are you really telling me in our day that you buy that you see most people in our day down what I want to suggest is the research is overwhelming not only biblically, but in practical experience and so I've entitled that cheaters never win adultery causes pain. Look at Proverbs 632 and 33 it says, but Amanda commits adultery, lacks judgment. Whoever does so listen to this destroys himself blows and disgrace are his lot and his shame will never be wiped away. Adultery causes pain. You know the problem is we seen all those TV programs and all those romance novels and all those quick commercials 80+ percent of all the people shown on TV videos and movies that are having great passionate wonderful sex married and you know what that does to you and me.

It tells you down deep in your heart and your mind, that the great stuff is out there somewhere. When I was doing research for this book, I came across some very interesting statistics talk about cheaters never winning.

Let let me give you just a handful of facts. These are from the Bible but you're talking to someone in their sin no sex except you're crazy. Okay, those who abstain from sexual intercourse before marriage. Marriage report the highest levels of sexual satisfaction, marriage. You know that in fact those reported were very sexually satisfied in their lives are not the good-looking singles of multiple partners were barhopping but they are couples who strongly believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong and there are a whopping 31% more satisfied in their sex life. That's the both set Bethesda research group Washington Post 1994. It's not like Billy Graham's telling people next. Those who cohabitate or live together before marriage have a 50% higher possibility of divorce than those who do not, say researchers of UCLA. They discovered that those who cohabit type also.

Not only have a higher incident of divorce, but are more likely to commit adultery. Once they get married. By contrast, University of South Carolina ends in a study said those who abstain from sexual intercourse before marriage have the highest rates of fidelity in marriage. The introduction of sex. Those who are single into a dating relationship is almost always the ushering in of the breakup. That relationship and then finally sexually transmitted disease.

It including AIDS can remain dormant or asymptomatic.

In other words, you don't know you have for up to 10 years. You can have sex with someone today and never know it, and it can be in your body for 10 years and you can pass it on. Not on you know what seems to me that when God says no sex except for in marriage, it must be an all wise, all loving God who would say I like to increase the possibility of you not getting divorced by 50%. I would like for you to have 31%. At least more satisfaction in your marriage than all those other people. What I like to do is make sure that you don't die of a disease by the way, it only takes once 61 moment on one business trip or with one neighbor in one situation in one week moment and all the consequences. We talked about can occur, and by the way this this doesn't occur to people out there. This occurs to regular good people who go to church this occurs, the people get up and have a quiet time. 3456 times a week.

Today I will pause this is a serious message with serious consequences.

The Bible is very clear and God is very clear about one boundary any kind of sex outside of the marriage relationship between a man and a woman is wrong.

The Bible calls it sin and what I want to remind you, is this isn't done by evil terrible people out there somewhere. This happens to really good people in moments of weakness to say something that leads to something or make a decision that leads to a sexual encounter that impacts them often for the rest of their life. First Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18 says flee sexual immorality, and I think you guys really pause and ask yourself, I can't handle this. This is dangerous. I must flee. This is one of the things you have to run from in order to run from it. You have to recognize the temptation you gotta get on your feet.

You gotta step outside and you gotta walk away. When emotions are screaming inside and when desires are screaming inside of you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means you are being tempted and it means you to respond quickly and run not fight this one. I want to encourage you that if you are currently moving toward our interrelationship and whether it's with the screen, whether it's a person of the opposite sex whether it someone of the same sex. If it's not sex inside of a covenant marriage relationship you violate God's boundary and when you violate God's boundary out of his mercy and his love. There's huge consequences. But here's the good news at any moment when you would pause and say, oh God, I am sorry I turned from this, will you forgive me. There may be some consequences but you will meet a kind, loving, restoring father and son want you to pause today and ask yourself where are you in terms of your sexual purity your thinking, your speech in your relationships, and then I want you to ask yourself, do you know someone that you love that you realize you need to talk to them about God's boundary in their life because you care. Let's be pure let's honor God. The boundaries are for our good. If this message challenged you, let me say that we've created a personal Bible study just for this series called digging deeper into the 10 Commandments. If you want to understand who God is and get clear on the why behind his 10 Commandments. The studies for you go to LivingontheEdge.org where you'll find it right there under free resources God longs for you to value and observe his boundaries because there for you from his art LivingontheEdge.org download our free Bible study.

Digging deeper into the 10 Commandments as we close today's broadcast. I just want to remind you about the Chip Ingram map the free Chip Ingram map delivers daily broadcasts like our program today. Special offers ships interactive message outlines and much more to download the Chip Ingram map. Just visit the app store or Google play today will be sure to join us again tomorrow strip continues our current series God's boundaries for abundant living.

Until then, this is the brewery saying thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge