Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage - Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, Part 1

Why just come up on the stage. The music starts long come to dancers moving to the music. Moving with ease and precision, beauty one step, then another perfectly choreographed and executed the two dancers become one before our eyes as they float across the floor. God wants your marriage to look like that dance beautiful and graceful today. You talk about how to create your own dance and enjoy the music of life just a little bit state. Welcome to this Wednesday. Addition of Living on the Edge with shipping chip serves as our Bible teacher of his daily relational discipleship program. I've been through today. Chip continues his series experiencing God's dream for your marriage by opening a discussion about the marriage roles of men and women follow. Does the 50-50 approach really work after the teaching trip will be with us to share some additional thoughts about what you hear today, so be sure to stay with us for that right now it's join him for his message from Ephesians chapter 5 men and women joining the difference, but we are getting near the end of this entire series.

We talked about a lot of things.

God's blueprint we know is design we learn there's a big problem.

We got barriers we have to work through the rest of our life and it was said, there's a processing and we are to learn to communicate in some skills we need to learn and after that we said you know there's a way to resolve conflict with. Gotta get that put together and figure out when there's roadblocks what you do with it an hour to talk about something that historically has been all the way over.

Some people have taken this issue now. What's the man going to do in terms of responding to what God says and then overhear what's the woman supposed to do and I want to love trees the way Christ loves the church and I would be a good dad to my kids and I know there's barriers number learn to resolve conflict, but we have to figure out how to do it together and I'm to have a role and she's can have a role, but I do know what my role is or I'm not gonna do it or if I think part of it is her role that she thinks is mine. There's confusion and conflict. Unfortunately, I think this is been positioned as a debate in the church, been a big debate you know is it is it hierarchy or is it egalitarian and you know books written on the side and books written on the side of what your position, who's right, who's wrong. Who has the authority who makes a decision. How does it work and here's I like to do the fact matters Monday mornings, and you had a working on your home, and I can work out my home. I'd like to suggest that we take the lens of the bait unscrewed from the camera of our mind drop it in the trash and we take a different lens and put it on our camera to look at our roles and say let's forget a debate look at it through a completely new paradigm and let's look at our relationships with one another, of learning to build up godly quality, deep intimate marriage through the lens of a dance that Melanie let me give you the word picture here.

It's the Olympics. If you're a guy like me in the Olympics come on there certain activities you love to watch there certain activities when they come on you sort of blow off and say I really don't watch this one of the things that I never really cared to watch is the mixed paired skating yet is he that right yeah little girls come out and you know the music starts in the guys out there like this moment but a little to the dominant. He goes backwards. He goes backwards and she comes in he lifts her up goes like this. You know what I'm thinking then that girl got a lot of confidence and I got an itchy draftsman.

She spent right to the music to go to do that. The ended up the right that you've all seen the skating out you it was just about like that. Well, maybe close my daughter loves that stuff.

I mean, Annie, like there's a basketball game on again. Don't you want to watch the mix skating with me while you know daughters are kinda got that some of their dads.

I watched more mix skating that I want to admit to, and as I watched it, I realize you talk about athletes you talk about strength and is not just any you know in track when you run down like you do the triple jump for the long jump. I mean it's one person lot of power a lot of strength. They hit they do it.

Boom menu can be ugly in the air. It doesn't matter but those dancers on ice. I mean he moves she moves he moves she moves she gets ready he braces she goes up in the air spends around and he flips her and you know something if he's in the wrong spot. She lands on her hand or that one of you seen the one where when she comes around. She starts mean guys this is impossible, you know, like when her leg goes here.

You know that when she starts doing this and then the light comes down he grabs the skate and he starts doing this you seen that one and in slow motion. Her head is like missing the ice like this.

I'm thinking that woman really trust that man and that means really strong and he knows where to be and when the lift and what to do and she knows when to trust and let go and when she needs to be strong and all of this is done to the something background and their music is not like they're just doing it they actually do it together to the music and that's what Laos is true, it's not like it's the Olympics and a come on the ice. He turns to her and says so what he wanted tonight all I'll go right you go left, there was a choreographer. People get paid lots of money to do what to mark out every single step, every single move. Now the guy you gotta be here. You gotta be positioned here when this happened, you have to jump when you jump, it has to be at this angle, you must catch her right here you are here. We got big problems and every single movement of that ice dance goes perfectly to the music.

Have you ever seen a more the end and use goes and then like three seconds later they go bump. I have though think they end together on time and what I want to suggest is where Atacand the whole debate issue because it was so what if you what what if you write only what if you win the debate.

I'm supposed to do this years positive at no unsolicited is you're supposed to do that. The fact the matter is, when those people are on the ice is beautiful and when they get done there beaming and there is a joy you can see in the man being at the right spot at the right time and the woman doing with the woman supposed to do and then creating something I actually got a confession okay guys I like. I'm almost ashamed of, even when Annie's not there. I might sneak a little peek because it's like this is amazing what if you looked at your marriage is a dance instead of a debate instead of arguing about who's right, who's wrong, or less man's duty. This woman's duty will if you don't do that on like I do that well.

I've read the manner supposed to do that once you step up and catch me here. What if you said if it's not a good dance is not good dance for either of idea put some notes together in the first question I would ask is is your marriage a dance or debate and I came across the quote give her have something in your file that looks like this. I have no idea where it came from.

So anyone that I happen to be stealing from. I want you to know before God and these people I don't know who it is. But it is the greatest little quote about marriage in a dance and the author says a good marriage has a pattern like a dance and it's built on some of the same rules.

The partners don't need to hold on tightly because they move confidently in the same pattern intricate but swift and free Leica country dance of Mozart, there's no place here for possessive clutches her clinging arms are a heavy hand, only the barest touch in passing. Now, arm in arm now face-to-face. Now, back to back. It doesn't matter which because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm creating a pattern together and being invisibly nourished by where the heart is flooded with love. There is no room for fear. For doubt or hesitation, and it is the lack of fear that makes for the dance. Isn't that neat. It's the lack of fear that makes for the dance. When each partner love so completely that he is forgot to ask himself or herself whether or not he's loved in return. Only then he loves and is moving in a music then and only then are two people able to dance perfectly in tune with the same rhythm and like to say if we looked at it as a dance, what would it look like for you to have a beautiful dance in your marriage. You notice here, a great dance demands a few things. Want a choreographer right means someone has to write out all the steps for both partners. Second, mutual submission to the steps. I mean when they're on that ice. I don't think the girl can say I'm not jump in that okay or not jump in that case is okay. You don't up next time I will catch it.

I mean, that's not gonna work. Someone has to write out all the steps. Both partners have to submit to the choreographer they have to it's gotta be real clear when you jump and when do I catch, and you know I don't. I never seen it with anyone seen where the guy jumps and the girl catches 225 pounds 115 pound little girl that probably would not be pretty. So you know they got to know what's going on and then after clarity of roles there's practice, practice and more practice that what they do, that looks so effortless that looks so beautiful.

I mean it's months and years on the same routine and practicing, practicing, practicing, and by the way you knives. I've seen some of the footage and when I interview them where they show like even warm-ups for the fall, so you never get a dance like this without some bumps on the head and and and your partner not catching you at the right time were you stepping on their toe. A great dance develop some pretty neat stuff though a great dance develops an incredible team.

Second, it develops balance timing, rhythm and strength what what what what if your marriage was characterized by balance, good sense of timing.

What you do when you do it a sense of rhythm and strength. A good dance brings personal joy in joint fulfillment. And finally, I have come to realize it's a thing of beauty, God's design for the dance of marriage. Let's look at what he says, a man is to do a dance and a woman is to do in the dance and I like to just take kind of that outline that I gave you about a good dance and let's walk through this together. First of all, mutual submission to the choreographer. Ephesians 4 is gonna teach us how to live this brand-new life were to talk about this new purity we have before God in relationships and in Ephesians 518 were told be filled at the command and imperative with the spirit be controlled with the spirit and then the evidence of being controlled you to speak another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, giving thanks for all things and then the ultimate umbrella that will take this section of the passage into the entire rest of the book is verse 21 so the context of all these gonna say about marriage. All he's going to say about parenting. All he's going to say about the child parent relationship is an evidence of the spirit controlling. So what you need to hear is there's a dance happening, but the dance is going to happen inside this box and the box is verse 21 and God is the cook choreographer. He's written the steps and he says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ mutual submission to the choreographer in God's economy. He doesn't even start with where the woman does this demand is this is not enough about awaiting co-cultures all over the world and they got all different ways. He says look. First of all submit to one another with what focus out of fear or reverence for Christ. It's a very ancient word here.

Submit it's a compound word hoopoe to be under tossed so under the rank it means to be under the commanding officer. It's the idea of being subject to one another. It's a picture of people who relate in a marriage with no self assertive independent nature. One commentator I love you.

Put it this way. It's a desire to desire less than once, do a sweet reasonableness of attitude in response to the spirits control to consider your mate more important than yourself. You see that when we do talk about the dance. Here's the given the box that God describes the dance of male-female relationships and marriage has this umbrella and the umbrella is the man and the woman before the ever take the first step.

They say God I you are my Lord out of reverence for you and what you've done for me.

I first and foremost want to surrender my selfish desires. I want to love you by loving my mate and did you see where that removes an awful lot of the bullet seed that she does that.

If he does that all the sudden you only start the dance with the desire to receive less than your due, to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, submit to one another out of the fear of Christ and then now that you're walking with the Lord you want to obey him. You want to serve and help your mate will if you get a dance together. He says okay now help me if I'm wrong, but when they get on the skates and the music starts. They both kids.

Someone has to take the first step so the other person can follow doesn't make him superior or better is not about inequality but someone has to take the first step so they can get in the rhythm of the choreographer and the music and what God says is a word to women is follow his lead. Verse 22 wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord might circle the word submit. It's the same one, but this submission is sort of a cat. A small S under the S submission of first to God, so he says why submit your husband as to the Lord why for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, which is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

And I know some of you think if you can find this anyway you want but that that just sounds very that sums very provincial.

That sounds very politically incorrect. I can't believe you're saying that this is how it works even under the submission of God will make a this when it was written. It was far more politically incorrect, then today but for just the opposite reason during this time that Paul wrote this he is actually treating women as a co-heir of the grace of God. When Paul wrote this.

A woman was a piece of property, and you could buy a wife cheaper than he could buy a slave of when Paul wrote this Jews would.

Although there theology would tell them different their practice was to get up every day and after they thank God for who he was. The next part of their prayer every morning as I think God I'm not a woman. I jointly married.

I got the Greeks in this time in the literature comes out late they change wives like tissue paper, one Greek philosopher said during this period. Wives are meant for being given in marriage, divorce and being married again when Paul wrote this guy could go through 20 3040 wives and if you don't measure up. You had no rights. Your piece of property. Forget it. So Paul is is creating this husband and wife, co-heirs of the grace of God in Galatians will say even in the body of Christ is not male or female, slave or free will say you all are co-heirs of the grace of God. Not only does she have personhood but you are to treat this person that the world says is a slave and worthless and of lesser value. You're supposed to treat her the way Christ loved the church here to sacrifice your life for her. Now I just want to tell you how this works. So when the people read this if you think this sounds politically correct, like I'm going to submit I'm gonna respect and overall teaching a minute what it means. What it doesn't mean the people in the first century had just the same response for the opposite reason you mean to tell me a woman's worth that get out like you know what you know what in one pocket. I get three or four wise I want to and if I don't get a lot even in Judaism you could you could divorce your wife and part of the literature for bring the toast you done next. And so what you need to hear.

You need to hear this through. It may not be politically correct, then it may not be politically correct now, but what's important is that if you want a great dance if you want your marriage to work if you want to be a thing of rhythm and beauty and intimacy. God says someone has to take the first step so the other person take the next step.

Someone needs to be built in search way when they come that they can lift the other person and someone needs to have some grace and beauty. I just can't see a lot of this guy's been up in the air like this anything you're uniquely made. Let me tell you under the submission of the Lordship of Christ. How it works. And so, as the church submits to Christ.

Why should also submit to their husbands in everything. And by the way, this idea of of submitting to your husband. It's as unto the Lord. It's not that I obey my husband exactly how I beg Christ.

I submit to how God is going to lead as an active Lordship to say, God, you are sovereignly in control and you place this man to catch me and hold me and I am doing this is an act of worship to you as the average woman the biggest hardest part of submitting is looking kind of across the chair across the room and sent Jan of the guys can make the right decision. I don't know if I jump if you if you will or can catch me and so a lot of wives never get to where they get is the room of the dance for all the fears of what might happen and says we'll just do it as unto the Lord, and by the way there in every relationship, every organization, every institution someone leads right someone leads in your people want to debate this and fight about it.

The buck stops somewhere and in every relationship it be interesting if I ask you who's the leader in your house who by that who takes initiative who has the weight of responsibility who has the job in your house of initiating the part of the dance doing the heavy lifting and loving the way Christ loved the church and that this may be a little uncomfortable but I'll let you know here just one second I have five questions to ask you and how you answer these questions will tell you exactly okay. Really really simple question number one is a who handles the money, not necessarily just to handle the checks who feels the moral weight of what's happening financially your house. Question number two when both of your home. Who disciplines the children question number three. Who initiates talking about future plans or addressing problems see leaders initiate leaders see needs leaders provide leaders protect question number four, who asked the most questions and who makes the most statements I was with a young couple recently and they were conversing. Probably for about an hour and 1/2 as I was around them and I heard the young man say honey where you want for this diaper question honey where you want to go for lunch? What would he think I do with this question.

What about this. You think maybe we should do this question I we got a big decision to make.

What you think we ought to do. Question very strong guy, but is abdicated almost all of his leadership who's feeling all the way to make all the decisions, life who ends up usually handling the money. Most homes and feels the weight of life. When two people together and and and a kids outline who gets out of the La-Z-Boy or who's the person is probably already up and address issue. Life what we've done is we've reversed a lot of rules. That's what that's what leaders do leaders take initiative leaders provide leaders see what needs to happen, leaders in my life when when we do that, then it's easy to submit when we don't will learn minute. It's kinda hard so I hope that didn't, Joe. Your world a little bit but this issue of who takes the first step initiates is not all that hard to figure out but what God is saying in this dance is women follow his lead. The command be subject same word who Picasso to your husband is an act of obedience and reverence to Christ. The reason the husband is the head, and you what. There's been lots of articles written and that she is very interesting to watch the that literature that goes back and forth but you can do lots of word studies in Greek about head and the word head means head enough and the way choose all throughout is it's a position of authority. Okay that's not politically correct either. Open your Bibles to first Corinthians chapter 11 and I want to give you a picture.

See, we think headship has to do with inferiority and superiority.

We think headship has to do one upmanship. What you can find his headship really is where the buck stops is not so much makes the decisions is who is ultimately responsible. That's the key in what you gonna find is is that there is no lower level or lack of authority or equality or importance. Unless you have really marred theology. First convince Chapter 11 skip down to verse three Paul is talking about being imitator of him like he imitates Christ and then he praises them in verse two. Remembering and telling them to hold firmly to the traditions that as he taught in the notice first three but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man and the man is the head of a woman and God is the head of Christ now is Jesus less than God no.

Is he inferior than God the father, no. But what you say in function and design in the Godhead.

Jesus, willfully, voluntarily, in fact, the word for submit here. It's in what's called the middle voice it's a woman voluntarily of herself submitting out of reverence to God out of love for the husband and this is not a big thumb on top of woman born you go to submit this is God saying, living out the Lordship of Christ. The way the dance works best is I want you of your own volition voluntarily respond in this way, the same way Jesus was talk more about what you just heard. But if you're just joining us, listening to living on the judge with Chip Ingram chips message today is from his series experiencing God's dream for your marriage.

The six part series covers key issues that every marriage faces and provides helpful biblical insight with you been married four months or 40 years communication, intimacy, resolving conflict in the roles of husband-and-wife are all addressed.

I want you to know that in addition to the series resources that are currently discounted. We've got another great resource for you chips book marriage that works marriage that works provides the how to blueprint that will help you experience God's dream for your marriage and is a very special gift. When you order marriage that works will include absolutely free set of chips marriage that works truth cards of these are 20 cards that each describe a lie. We tend to believe about marriage, and then the truth from Scripture, but combats that lie, whether for you or someone you care about were pulling out all the stops to equip you to experience God's dream for your marriage. For all the details, visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Now here's chip with a quick reminder before I come back with some very specific application for today's message.

I just want to remind you that we only have a couple days left in the series, which means there's only a couple more days to take advantage of the series discounts so if you thought yourself, wow. I'm really learning some great things out of the series on marriage and I want to improve my marriage work for have had a friend that really needs to get this series. Here's what I want you to do order it today by strip.

Will the series experiencing God's dream for your marriage provides practical tools to help you or someone you know build a strong, resilient marriage to take advantage of the series discounts going on right now just go to LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will now here's chip with a final thought for today as we close today's program. I want to just give a word of encouragement to two groups in the first group is ladies who, as you listen to what I said you just thought buddy. You have no idea the man that I'm living with and what I want to say to you is that you really need understand the issue is not your husband issue is can you trust God, and that making the battle authority.

It is not going to bring about results and I want you to know in our next broadcast. This is going to get balanced out in our next broadcast. I will let you know what it does not mean it doesn't mean he calls all the shots. It doesn't mean your doormat doesn't mean you're inferior.

It doesn't mean that you need to do anything that's unreasonable or ungodly, and some other things like that will develop but what does it mean for you. What do you need to do to submit from the heart. And as I've shared with Teresa on occasion, honey, you know, when you agree with me and you think it's the right thing to do. That's not exactly submission mean submission is like when you think chip I really don't think that's what we need to do and I as I've worked it through and we can agree on this honey. I really believe this is God's will. It's you saying well you know I'm in a trust God because I sure don't trust you on this one and you know what sometimes I've really been right and she said while I'm so glad for you and you know what sometimes I've been wrong and I've seen it and I've learned but knowing that she was for me and with me some really good things came out of that and so there is a dance let God be the choreographer focus on the steps he's given to you, not on the steps he's given to your mate and guys let me just say one word to you lead lead to lovingly lead well make it easy to follow and don't use this as a club you are to serve her the way Christ serves the church give your life for your wife just before we close, would you stop for a moment and offer up a prayer for Living on the Edge we've never seen a greater need for God's truth to go out for right now and by God's grace Living on the Edges been able to provide encouragement, teaching, and personal discipleship resources to more people than ever before. So thank you to those who support us through your prayers.

God is doing amazing things for all of us here.

This is a very saying thanks for listening. This addition of living on the