Experiencing God's Dream for Your Marriage - Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference, Part 2

In our last broadcast. We talk very specifically about a woman's role. Her part in this beautiful dance of God where she moves seamlessly with her husband in a way that brings joy and glory to God and fills her heart today talk about in what looked like that, that's today. Thanks for joining us for this Thursday edition of living on the trip Living on the Edge features the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram on this daily discipleship program and today we wrap up our series is in God's frame for your marriage. For the past couple of weeks we've looked at marriage from a number of different what makes a great marriage to fight fair and much more know if you missed any of these messages they're all available on the chip and remapped college joint chip for part two of his message from Ephesians chapter 5 men and women enjoy deep in the heart of every woman she wants. She wants to fly. She wants to soar and what she's looking for is a man will take responsibility who will lead who will take the first step will start making more statements and asking more questions that will give direction someone you can count on and someone who knows this is how much money we have, and this is what we need to do and we do have a plan for the future and what the man really is doing is getting a position so he can be strong, to help develop his wife so she can be that person that swirls up high and sees and experiences things in the dance but she never could. Because most women are not made by God to lift up the guy could. Can you just imagine when little girls like this and how they do the splits in your he does this. Can you imagine a little little girls doing it. One of his men. I just see sort of this hole in the ice and help honey.

Good try, and you know there's a lot of women that their marriage experience is like a hole in the ice and they just feel the weight of everything because the fact the matter is we let Emily out.

The struggle is they want us to lead but they don't honestly they want us to leave when it works for them according to their way but they have member that barrier that they want to control and so this is one of this is this is at the heart of some real marital conflict and so God says there is a design but light is the great thing is at the end of the day. Responsibility lies when Adam and Eve sinned and you come to the New Testament God looks back on that issue.

Who does he blame guys don't have any verses that say Eve did this. Therefore, I only got one verse that says this what Adam did your team, but the man is culpable and responsible for the relationship and for whatever struggle you may think it is to respect or submit your work through some of those issues live with the heavyweight of realizing that how your family goes, how your marriage goes, you'll stand before the judgment seat of Christ as a man and give an account for your leadership and I'll tell you what, that's a terrifying thing and I've lived in a world in most of these men lived in a world where their fathers did lead and they didn't know how to lead and then we had this feminist movement that went for 15 or 20 years that you know a lot of it was really rooted in great great compassionate needs a need to be addressed and you know women were making in the same amount of money and that ended historically on the women treated terrible. Historically, me terrible… You know is not trying coded over they been treated terrible by men historically but so we go through this definite feminist movement, and now what's happened is we got a divorce rate that's off the scale.

One half of all the women who divorce lived at least some period of their life, usually to three years below the poverty level with their kids. The people have been hurt and the average white works is okay. I'm liberated and career is as important or more important family and so what I do.

They have a career, but when I get home.

Does that mean that the man's doing all the cooking and everyone sharing everything all that nurturing inside what women basically have got is a full-time job and another full-time job and then when it doesn't work out, they end up with most of the pieces at their feet on how you do ladies and so the call is.

Let's get a dance going. It really works. God's way and this whole issue of where he wants you and where he places you he will show you, but the dance works as a woman submits and as a man leads but before we go on let's talk about what this does not mean it does not mean that a man calls all the shots in the marriage relationship. That's not mutual submission. It does not mean that the woman is a doormat that she can't voice her approval that she ever should be Philip Philip feel or be treated inferior. She has equal say this is the CEO and the COO and the Board Chairman in a coming together and saying what's best and getting all the information. Realizing we are going to live with this decision, but we all know there are some decisions, 98%. We come to agreement on its those 2% of the decisions. Every time I hear people talk on this.

You know I don't mean as badly, but everyone starts waffling like, well, we can 90% of time the matter you love each other.

You pray God shows you it's the 2% of the time. Well we do this we do that, someone's gotta be morally responsible. God says men you are and ladies your struggle, your attention, your fear that's valid in many ways is boy let God put all that weight on him and say Lord you know he's making the wrong decision.

I know you protect me.

But I'm gonna do voluntarily with a good attitude what God wants me to do. It does not mean that you should submit to your husband's unreasonable un-biblical or deviant demands God's will always supersedes anything your husband demands. There's a book that came out a number of years ago by Dr. Pierre Cornell is a psychiatrist in suburban San Francisco and it was entitled passive men wild woman, and he describes in this book, his clients, mostly female across the years of this practice, many women came in and they all had the same complaint. They were married to highly successful men. Men who drive across the Golden gate Bridge. Every day they went to the financial district of San Francisco where they make their mark in the world. Men who were leaders been her powerful drive nice cars had nice homes but each night when these men came home they cease to be leaders. The only mark they make is on their chair when I sit on it is otherwise complaint their wives to become widows long before their time and they were widows almost before they been wives. The only problem is that the corpse of theirs is a dead husband who comes home every night asking what's for dinner when will it be ready. What's the TV schedule. I want to know what time the game starts tonight, their recliner husbands.

As a result of their passive husband. These wives are driven wild wild for companionship leadership, relationship, passive men drive women while ladies primary reason that a woman does not follow her man even when the choreographer is God's fear is fear and you have some historical fear. I mean, in your own relationships you have some historical fear of things that if I'm probably most ungodly weird stuff that's happened in the name of God is that the church, this, this is this is been. This is been used as a club on women and men saying this is the way it is. That is been completely misapplied and you got some real fears there and those are valid, nevertheless, God wants you to get out there on the ice with her husband.

He wants the rhythm and the music and the beauty for you to experience and so now I want you to save yourself, you know, I really need to ask God what it would look like under the big ass of submission mutually loving my husband Lordship of Christ.

Where are some areas that I know I need to submit ladies okay. Can we just get right down the brass tacks. What where some things that you know you know your husband's heart. You know the situation you you have this deep inkling of even what God wants you to do and you kinda have the old I'm not going there in a and God wants you to be able to release that and say would you be willing to trust me and I know it's scary.

If he starts lifting you up as you think he's got me a few times before we you never get a dance before, unless you can take that step and if you pray about what that step is in before God, quietly decide.

Lord, I'll do that.

I'll try and give your husband some encouragement in such a way that I pray God will use his word so the start catching more often and so you know what the average guy does know how to lead.

We didn't grow up in Christian homes or we grew up in some homes. It was a model very well. But there's a great dance and we can learn just like you can learn and so after a word to the women to follow his lead.

The choreographer God Almighty says a word to Mindy were the followers we pick up verse 25.

Husbands, agape your wives unconditionally choice, not feelings, love your wives will what's that look like, just as Christ loved the church, will how do you love the church gave himself up for her will. Why did he get himself up for her to make her holy to make her whole to make her pure.

How did he do it, cleansing her literally, having cleansed as the tense of the verb, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word and circle the word word.

This is in the written word.

This is the word Rhema. It's the spoken word. He made her holy house by dying on the cross being raised from the dead and the word was spoken, and the gospel went out and people believed and when they believe they were taken of the kingdom of darkness in the kingdom of light.

Their sins were put behind them and their pure before God, there holy, set apart, that's what Jesus did he love the church he led to the point that he died.

Husbands, that's the expectation are semi-wise going to school to better right now that's the bar what's the goal to present her verse 27 to himself a radiant church. The ideas is beautiful. Reaching their full potential that that's our job as men. It's a tough one you want to present your wife to God is a beautiful woman inside and out and that he gives you three adjectives to talk about what radiant doesn't look like without staying, without wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless sure blameless in this same way, just in case you think this is all religious or all theology in the same way, husbands ought to love their wise as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he circle the word feeds and circle the word cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. The word feeds here has to bring provide for in every way. It has that the idea to promote or development of something in the word here for cares means literally to keep someone warm it looks likely to protect, to cherish, to commune in ways that your wife's heart senses. She is safe with you. You feed and care for her. So when you look at the command is, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

Men were to make our aim and our goal to love our wives with the same reckless sacrifice and abandoned the Jesus had in dying for his church and then to protect them and provide for them and to develop them and the purpose is Christ did it for the church to set her apart and now as a man of my family. You thought your job was hard at work I did news for you. It's nothing compared to this. Your job now is a man is to allow your wife to reach her full potential. You just you know why you guys are business and if I said you know where yet. Your business world and what are your goals for next to five years or you know in this next quarter.

Do you have any strategic plans to move from where you are to where you need to be. Most of you could say yeah and so you have strategic plan for your own body. I work out three times a week and I lift twice week and this is what I do you have plans and lots of areas here's what I'd ask do you have a strategic plan to develop your wife to make her the most beautiful person spiritually, emotionally and physically as she could possibly be with your help in my confession is I have I have done that progressively and it changes in every season and when the kids were smaller, so with that look like as a kid's got to hear so that look like and now what what I'm learning.

This is my growth pattern is the empty nest. It looks different than it did before and because there aren't kids that develop sort of the system and structure in your home. I literally have to step back and retool and a lot of it, got on autopilot. You know this work because since the kids were here. We do this on Friday and this always work. Since this happened we did here and I realize you can't live off the old past of development me early on. I remember my wife wrote a little Christmas letter.

We were in seminary and just a little Christmas letter and unit is one verbally told you about, you know Bobby got a new rubber ducky and and Freddie passes math class and it's really neat if you know the people and is not so native know him so well get these 11 page letters of personal history that you don't really want to get and that we were trying to catch people up sending it to our family and it was one page. I remember reading it.

I thought I'm almost like that you did you get this out of a book or something. She is not disrupted his unite.

I have to write a lot and I'm writing all these papers and take all these languages on thinking. She says more the page that I same for you are really good when you are really good and then and then you know I member there's like 15 ladies are 12 and they wanted her teachable Bible study on you. I don't really do that kind of stuff. And I mean it was big step. I member just honey got it yet I give that you gotta try that. And over the years just all my little part was I saw gift in her. She couldn't see another season or a life. I came from a real athletic family and we used to go up in these mountains and near Lake Tahoe and the unit she decision I just I just want to really get in shape or something and and I'm always playing and doing all this stuff and I still remember the first time, as it will take a walk and we walked from this house down this park and I was super insensitive because I do the stuff all the time, so pretty soon. I'm like 30 yards ahead not been very kind but then we I just realized that when very smart in the and so we started walking and I can't tell you how long it walking or exercising became a part of her life, and I thought see that was a small part of me getting to build in to her life that helped her develop. Now I can sit here and give you 15 way she's built into my life, but man what I'm saying is what I'm realizing right now is those are couple to good stories. What I'm realizing right now she's in a different season of life on a different season of life I can figure out how to do that at the next level and on scratch my head little bit but a lot of it, but I realize his focus, discipline, write it out all the things I've been telling you God is doing this in the right guys what you plan your wife needs to get to skate to the music and she needs to become radiant and beautiful inside and out. My question is how do you how do I help her encourage her serve her recklessly, sacrificially lover to help her get there.

Okay, that's what it means to be worthy of following what this means is husbands must love sacrificially. Second, it means husbands must love with intentionality and third means husbands must love sensitively sacrifice. It's a cost.

It is not can happen overnight, and is not to be easy. Second, you can have intentionality we need to bring the same intentionality to your marriage that we bring to our work, and third the level of sensitivity when you get locked on, don't. As I've done okay this really be good. You're gonna love this, do that.

That does not work, you need to do it gently. What it does not mean is that you always give in to what your wife wants that creates codependency. You need to give.

I member a 3 x 5 card.

I member is trying to be the super husband and I thought I was doing everything you think you want I'll do that'll do that'll do that'll do that and I realized you know what this is crippling. Her not helping her. Give your wife what she needs, not what she wants. She needs strike. She needs adventures she needs to do things were she doesn't feel confident. How does everyone gain confidence you gain confidence by doing something you're afraid to do and you do need a well I did it when you do some of the bigger and you do it and I did it. Sometimes, in an effort to love.

We can smother our wives trying to take care of everything and on the one hand, they love it short-term and then they resent us because you know what, I don't feel like a woman anymore. I don't feel like I'm doing anything and so you gotta figure out how you give your wife what she needs. That doesn't always mean you give her what she wants and when you don't give her what she wants. She will be mad okay and she will either be a shark or a turtle okay and you have conflict okay welcome to the spiritual NFL, but that's a part doesn't Christ do that with us. That's how she's going to grow.

But the motive is on lever. The second thing he doesn't mean it doesn't mean you don't have a life. This doesn't mean that you don't have times of refreshments enough.

I've had a couple guys really lock onto this and say you know you don't have any men friends anymore. I don't have any fun anymore doesn't mean that all of your life surrounds in helping your wife be a radiant bride you get it. Make sure you take care of yourself, as well as developing her and third don't smother her your wife to make her dependent or worse, you codependent on her and and and it's about the dance is not about who's in control and it all begins with submission to God's will for both of you final point I want to make as we close up is just a word to the world and we talked about us and our role the role of mandible. The woman you ready for this.

It's really not even about the dance it's about what God wants to do through the dance. We get so caught up in you know who takes what Stepan, are you meeting my needs and it's all about dancers, dancers, dancers, health, gonna work.

And God says no. It's really about. I want to create something of such rhythm and beauty that someone would ask. I wonder who the choreographer is because the way they moved together. The way they love one another, the way they resolve conflict.

The level of sacrifice, the tenderness that I see the intimacy that they experience is like this message beaming out to the world that Jesus really is God and that he and his bride are one. Paul finishes that in verse 31 notice he says. For this reason brought me and then you know that the purpose clause. For this reason what this this about the woman and this about the man. For this reason a man leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. We heard that somewhere before is an interesting that's the very first verse that's got blueprint come all the way through to the very and as is for this reason when he describes how we function were right back to the same purpose, but notice his application, then the application this is a profound mystery. What how a man and a woman could leave Cleve become one flesh and develop this organic real unity.

It's a mystery. But I'm talking about Christ and the church.

But that's the picture. However, each one of you must also love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect my point in all of the series of experience in God's dream for your marriage.

This is bigger than your relationship. This is bigger than your fulfillment.

This is us having the kind of marriage is progressively the journey and will fall but having the kind of marriages were the watching world becomes convinced because our progress and our love and sacrifice that Jesus is really God and that the only hope for the world is a relationship with him because that's what produce the kind of marriage that you have perfect never significant intimate growing rich deep yes hard, filled with conflict, times of despair sure in the progress season radiant bride and a man should talk more about what you just heard you're just joining us, listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram chips message today is from his series experiencing God's dream for your marriage. The six part series covers key issues that every marriage faces and provides helpful biblical insight with you been married four months or 40 years communication, intimacy, resolving conflict in the roles of husband-and-wife are all addressed.

I want you to know that in addition to the series resources that are currently discounted.

We've got another great resource for you chips book marriage that works marriage that works provides the how to blueprint that will help you experience God's dream for your marriage and is a very special gift. When you order marriage that works will include absolutely free set of chips marriage that works truth cards of these are 20 cards that each describe a lie.

We tend to believe about marriage, and then the truth from Scripture, but combats that lie were there for you or someone you care about were pulling out all the stops to equip you to experience God's dream for your marriage. For all the details, visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Now here's chip with a quick reminder before I come back with a very specific application for today's message I want to remind you that today is the last day in the series, which means today's the last day to take advantage of the series discounts so if you thought yourself, wow. I'm really learning some great things out of the series on marriage and I want to improve my marriage or boy have got a friend that really needs to get this series. Here's what I want you to do order it today like strip while the series experiencing God's dream for your marriage provides practical tools to help you or someone you know build a strong, resilient marriage to take advantage of this final day of series discounts. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003. Now, with his application for today's teaching. Here's chip as we close today's program.

I just have a word to wrap everything up in a we've looked in the last couple weeks at God's design for marriage. You know, if you try to build a house without a blueprint, you'd be absolutely lost and that's where a lot of people are.

This series is God's blueprint.

We lay out for you.

God's design and then we look at the normal barriers. I mean if you love someone with all your heart.

There is going to be conflict in difficulty around your personalities your backgrounds and just just the fact that you're both sinners. I mean, there's so many issues historical issues. Those are normal. You don't get divorced, you don't stay wounded. You work through them and so that's why we talked about communication and resolving conflict. These are very practical things and and I praise God that in my worst moments in my marriage that I got was some people that love me and they coached me through. And now I can look back I can realize you know after the honeymoon, and after that early time there some hard times you go through when kids come along. There's another season of hard times when you hit the teenage years. There's another season of pressure and stress and difficulties and when they leave the nest. Those are normal. Don't give up. Don't let go down the drain all the investment not just for your good and your kids good and in your mates good and and I will tell you so many times. The issue isn't your marriage, it's you know how you dealt with money, your you don't how to deal with your anger, you've got some past baggage you know at the website LivingontheEdge.org we got lots of resources and huge numbers of their free go there. Listen, ask God for help. Stay in your marriage enrich your marriage, you'll never ever be sorry that you did. God's got a great plan for you. No matter how hopeless you may feel how frustrated you might feel. Don't give up. Don't give then stick it out, work hard, God will work in you and through you huge encouragement. Thanks.

Chip.

Well, there are a ton of resources on our website. A lot of them free.

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This is the thing. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge