How to Raise a Healthy Family in a Modern World - Guess Who's Behind Families that Thrive, Part 2

You see your family relationships and prove you know genuinely love each other like talk with each other with respect and kindness raising a healthy family is possible does require some counterculture think today we'll talk about one of the key people behind family to drive.

Stay with thanks for joining us for this Tuesday a vision of Living on the Edge with shipping trips are vital to this international discipleship program currently in chip series how to raise a healthy family is continuing our February focus on relationships. What makes them work to do to make better miss any of business are all available on the chip and remap no in this program, chips, building on the foundation he laid yesterday talking about the character traits of a godly woman and her role in helping to build a healthy family. Let's join chip now for the second half of his message guesses behind families that thrive.

The fifth and final one in terms of her character is God looks down he goes. When I see a woman's godliness.

Her character or encouragement.

Her love first intermarriage in their home or work or ministry, but lastly in planning and priorities. This is a very interesting passage that when it snows. She has no fear for her household, for their are all closed in scarlet circle toward scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed. Underline the word for her bed and she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Underline linen and purple. There's three things where I get. She is a wise planner and has great priorities that were in scarlet it in Hebrew the word. It has a picture of something that's double folded and kept coming. Scarlet, but it can mean double folded and I think the translation. It's not like all her kids had read stuff on it's what she didn't have any fear because what she did as she planned ahead in Chino.

Her kids are going to be warm like all you do right wingers, school close time. All the kids have what they need. The second she makes coverings for her bed.

This is not like he was into embroidery.

What a wise woman understands is you have small kids.

He's working and especially if you're working, you have no time together and what happens is your romantic life can go down the tubes. When your romantic life goes down the tubes then pretty soon a distance occurs in your relationship. Here's a woman, he says I'm going to plan in times for us to make love.

I'm going to keep our love life alive and the other research and I don't know why rewired this way. There's few things a man feels more empowered and love and actually even what happens in the brain when he makes love with his wife in terms of opening up being understanding and being engaged so this woman says you know what I can apply ongoing plan for my kids and to plan for my husband and ready for this. She's closed in fine linen and purple.

This is nice.

This is a luxury item, a Jewish woman in fine purple and in linen, which probably came from Egypt is like she take care of herself. She looks good. She realizes you have to help the kids have that I got all these demands, but my life matters. Here's the application give her permission to be good to herself. My wife is such a responsibility oriented person and we were really really poor. Most all the early years growing up in, and I mean we got a number we had like $300 total in savings and for us. That was great with lot better than zero and a member taking $20 and I gave to us in honey you care so much for the kids and you do this you do this, would you just take this $20 may not be a lot now that for us. It was lot just go do something for yourself. Mean what I don't know your nails your hair. Some go do something for yourself. Two weeks later find out she gave part of it away and then spent the rest on kids and we had a big argument. So honey you know what you and that comes out of you still believe in these lines, you think everything and everyone else is more important you know there's some of you ladies that you have stuff in the closet you bought.

You haven't even opened and a good day is going to the mall buying more shoes this this part of the message is not for you. Pause Texas guys lighten up here.

There's some of you, however you feel like all you hear is I need you I need you I need you to meet everyone else's needs and then and then over time you feel resentful in your life ends up like there's all these needs and so I'm in a hurry to put my hair in a ponytail to put on a baseball cap. I don't put on the makeup I can get the kids here than to go here.

I'll change later.

I got sweatpants and so you have a life were pretty soon, that becomes habitual and then, because you don't feel good about yourself you feel better when you eat some stuff so you eat some stuff against what you don't like and pretty soon you're looking in the mirror, some with no makeup with sweatpants is getting a little bit away and you don't like you and guide you step in. You say you matter in ladies you have to believe here's God's view, you are valuable you are precious you are worthy. And you know what you should have some nice stuff you should take care of and that's why your husband to take you out of town a couple times a year minimum and that's why there to be a part of the budget. Yes, the kidney choose the kids need that they have enough sports equipment to float a ship you got money for this to get money for that.

We got money for that.

How about what is your wife need.

What's the mother need when we set aside some money that she feels deeply valued. You are worthy as evidence. Anybody ever got a promotion without a raise if you had one of those you're doing such a great job. We esteem you so much. This used to be your job and your new job and there's $0.50 more an hour. Hope you enjoy it, what, what's the emotion. I think I got more responsibility and get a raise.

No matter what our words say the time in your job when someone connects money with your value.

Olson, three more bucks an hour, or we just we just want you to this level and by the way, here's all the new benefits. Some of your wives need to raise what's the impact this is such a high calling for women, but is such a strong calling for us men and for children when a woman progressively lives out a faith like this. Over time she walks with God and she this is a kind of marriage.

By the way, she doesn't she's good to him when he's not so good to her. We men sometimes a little slow and this is what I do in my home. This is what I do in ministry.

Here's what I do at work. Here's the impact. Three things one in her marriage. Her husband is respected at the city gates where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. A godly woman has incredible impact on her husband's character and therefore his whole life. I jotted in my notes here. My of all I've I've had to go to lots of schooling and I had to learn Hebrew and Greek and been mentored by some great people. I will tell you the number one impact in all my life is my wife, her integrity, her prayer life and the way she has run her home shaped everything I I'm I'm sort of the means justify the ends personality. You know close is good enough. Very insecure wanting to, you know, impress people, and so the very first church of 35 people and I mean I'm up all night with my messages and and so we did a Bible study for kids in the neighborhood and we had Blacks and whites and Hispanics and all kind of different kids and I took them all to church and you know when you bring 25 kids to church is only 35 people.

It made some waves and is trying to tell them that we have to care about this community and I was you know in my most passionate self and I said we had cancer last weekend and some of you don't even care about these kids and you know I thought I really had a good weekend and I'm going to tell them so that enough were in the car, and she's required beyond this, the young, insecure pastor on now in older insecure pastor and so you kinda want to hear from your wife like you. How did I do know silence so it have password of what you think.

Silence finally turns to me.

Why did you line church today. What why did you line church today so when you line church, you said there were 50 kids to Canada and there was 37. I said I rounded you round up 13. I would love to say that's the only time I have lived my whole life with someone that more on the few occasions visit why July, I did just exaggerated. I don't think God closet exaggeration. You have to run three years. It was just forget it. I'm just not going. I'm not in good exaggerated anymore. Not worth in you that end justifies the means of manually with this high integrity person is like oh my gosh, I just don't. I guess I have to be honest and little things. Guess what that does change the course of your life. She's prayed hours for me and for our kids through huge times of marriage that I think deep in my heart I wondered if we make it through with at times with our kids were. I wondered if our kids would ever walk with God or be in a good place ladies. Here's what you need understand you are such the core of any success that we have in our application. Is it we need to remind her of her role in your success. Most people don't know my wife started radio ministry is a real we're doing five services I was getting burned out and she got a prayer partner. She does every week when you pray God takes the message outside the walls because it's killing my husband like this at the end of one year. Some guy I never met came in and said hey I think you some pretty good be good all radio. I said I want to go already. I don't listen to radio and a businessman set. I think it's a good idea to sit with you guys want to make it happen.

Go ahead, but I'm overwhelmed as it is and it got birthed because she prayed and who would have ever dreamed.

Years later, that millions of people would find Christ and would grow in Christ because a woman saw a need and did something that no one will probably ever know about the lessons of this passage to help anyone that's that's the impact she needs to hear that and then understand any success you have or ever will have is rooted in this relationship. Second, her work she makes notice linen garments. She sells them and supplies them to merchants with sashes as time and priorities change in a woman has more freedom, and they have different energy in different passions and there's different seasons for them. Here's what I would say cooperate with her creativity and her life transitions cooperate with her creativity in her life transitions. I watched attorneys take five, six, seven years off to raise their kids and they go back in the practice. I met all kind of people that have all kind of things and those transitions are very difficult and usually there's feelings of what I do now because I figured out how to be a mom I get such fulfillment in I have four kids for those you don't know me very well and are spread out my oldest twins are 13 years older than my daughter, but I think that makes you you parent for long time like that and I remember when when Annie was coming, not just out but I mean she's now this adult she's on her own. All the kids are done I'm thinking great and you know that they love God. This is wonderful more time for us. Let's go. But being the sensitive husband that I am I thought I probably give her a few months to adjust so she was kind of mopey and grieving and struggling so after three months I sit and mope around forever.

Look at all this new time we have in the house is empty.

We can do whatever we want and let's take let's we had our emptiness. It was not pretty weird about nine or 10, 12, 13 months that we were not on the same page and I was honestly I was resentful and hacked off like can you not get with the program here so you care about kids that aren't here more than me this year the guys that they feel that way and then in her great wisdom.

She said Chip can ask a question she did it at the right time. You know, I was closing in my right mind.

I was ready to listen to one of those rare moments can ask you question all share. She said what if 24 hours, like this time tomorrow you can no longer speak no longer write no longer be a pastor.

How would you feel who never thought of it that way.

I have to reorient my entire life and she looked at me with tears coming down his now you get my life. 30 years my world has been around packing lunches getting kids ready, sports teams, development, school, organize my world around all the crazy stuff that you do and I've given my life to that and I've loved it is been the most fulfilling thing ever and I love our kids and I'm so excited for them and I'm glad they're out of the house, but my world completely changed and I'm sad and I don't know what the next season looks like I'm not sure how to figure it out and just running around the world with you is not really what I had money and I remember I just in a rare moment of maturity decided him to shut up and I'm and I'm to give her as much time as she needs. And I'm not can make a lot of suggestions and I'm going respond when she asked question. I'm gonna realize life transitions but is not just empty nest. You know the first child and that's a big transition more than one child transition coming home from work or going back to work. Big transition teenagers who big transition you going through your ups and downs, the death of mom or dad big transition.

Moms got Alzheimer's dad left her big transition. We understand part of our role in loving the women that God has given us is to be on their team and cooperate with their both creativity and transitions and then finally here in her world. I love this. She's closed with strength and dignity. Notice it doesn't give the size of dress or if there is any logos she's she's closed with things you can't see strength, character, godliness, faith, wisdom, love, compassion, and that no one can take away and no one can buy dignity. She's class.

She laughs at the days to come.

Why could she trust God. She is a sovereign God she's developed the faith.

She's a woman of the word. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. The mouth always speaks from that which fills the heart. This is a woman that godly people want to know what you think about this and could we meet together can we get here.

Can we get coffee and I'm having a struggle over here when my kids going through this over, people are seeking her out. She watches over the affairs of her household, and doesn't eat the bread of idleness, the application focus on compliments on her inner character, not simply external behavior. In essence, God says her marriage, her work in her world is a way better place because she is a woman who walks with God who loves her husband who runs her home who works at appropriate times in the appropriate way. Who ministers to people and there is a woman that fears God and notice her reward her children arise and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her words of affirmation, many women do noble things, but you surpassed them all, your wife or your mom needs to feel like that you surpassed them all charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting.

It's a shame, but it's true. There's not enough cream or enough surgeries to keep us the way we want to look, but a woman who fears God is to be praised command give her the reward that she has earned more than just on one day and let her works bring praise at the city gates.

That's where the action is in Hebrew culture, private affirmation public acknowledgment God would say ladies you are precious and you matter and it is not based on how you look or what you accomplish.

It will be based on who you really are the kind of person the kind of woman that is kind and loving and patient and selfless and holy and just in the end, or walk our wives or daughters or mothers are grandmas and her sisters need to know that character is more important than curves that integrity is more important than influence likes and Instagram the surety is more important in popularity, that godliness is more important than glitter, and the commitment actually is more important than cosmetics and that love the end of the day will be way more important than books God the bombardment that these women receive and that our daughters receive is so overwhelming. Will you deliver them and would you just allow them to grasp deeply love precious, valuable, they are just for who you made them to be, would you help us to honor the women in our lives to be sensitive to help them be good to themselves to support them to praise them to encourage them to love them, the way you Jesus name. But if you've just joined Jeff's message today is from his series how to raise a healthy family in a modern world you're raising a family these days comes with a lot of challenges raising a healthy family. Seems like nothing short of a miracle while raising a healthy family isn't a mystery does require some pretty countercultural thinking trip addresses a few of the key elements in this two-part series will help you create a whole, more love and respect are the norm and while that may look a little weird to some, it's a great way to live and to check out the resources for how to raise a healthy family.

Just visit our website LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 will trip what you think about. I want to take a minute and I want to go over that little list that I gave you at the very end.

It's not on your notes. I know a lot of you love to go to the website and download the notes for free and there's some good stuff there that I shared some things in this message that I don't have in the notes and I'm really speaking specifically to parents, and even more specifically to men. Dad's brothers grandfathers. I made this little parallel point and counterpoint about what we communicate to women. Day after day after day they are bombarded with lies that you are how you look at that you are how many likes you get. You are what school you get in. You are your grades you are this you are that and as I close that I came up with a few little catchy phrases that help me remember what I wanted to praise and my wife and my daughter and into the young women that I come across in my life I talked about character is more important than curves that integrity is more important than influence that purity is more important than popularity that godliness is more important than glitter.

That commitment is more important than cosmetics and love is more important than looks in his what I would remind you, you always get what you praise. You always get what you reward and his men sometimes we unconsciously keep praising the things that the culture is praising and work were doubling down on the message. Of course, do I tell my wife. You look beautiful today or to my daughter. You look so lovely. Of course I do what I want you to know is that over the years I've tried with high intentionality to use words that praise their character their integrity. I'm so proud of the effort that you made. I'm so proud that you didn't cave. Then when everyone else was wearing those really dresses that were super immodest and you looked great but you really had your integrity. I'm so glad the way that you loved your brother what we need to do is think of the one or two women, and our lives right now.

Men and they need to get a text a phone call. Are you ready even pull out a napkin at a fast food place and shot a note of all the things about who they are there character their love your purity and integrity and you write that down in some way, you affirm that in their life more than anything else, and what you find is you help a woman become a woman of God power. Fixed it. Also, many of the challenges we face in relationships come from well patterns and processes we learned growing up. Now if we want to establish more positive patterns within the family. How do we get that going.

Mean even when were intentional about it will sometimes all we get our one-word answers, especially from our kids. While that is a great question, Dave.

Because I have lived through a lot of grunts and a lot of fine and then I head down chomping into food or literally sat on the couch and want to really engage with my kids and so how you doing and get a fine wall with me in studio again today is Jerry McCauley are head of product development, and we've actually designed a tool that we can maybe call the grunt remover or movie thing be on one-word answers or literally just moving beyond superficiality we you get a dialogue so tell us a little bit about how to use these cards to maybe address that issue.

Yeah, we put together this box of 52 cards and they're all open-ended questions that really get families moving from that point of silence into some heart sharing and hopefully into some discipling and really value sharing at heart level.

There's I think silly things like same thing happens me my 13-year-old Lasker how was your day fine and I just you know conversation is my currency. I want to talk more. I want to hear more, so I can invest and I can help shape maybe the way she's thinking. And so we came up some questions that move it further down the road like this when she loves going to Starbucks this question is if you could go to Starbucks with anyone from the Bible who would it be and why, and I think that's fun because it sort of makes you get into the into the word release.

Remember what you learned before.

Maybe it's Bible story time from when they were little, but it just connects the brain with some of those amazing stories. I would love to meet Joseph yes and why because he believed that guided all of it for good nuns. I want to know him and then another question may be more more heartfelt. How have your friends changed you, and how if you change them. I'm always challenging my kids to add value wherever they go, always adding value, making things better or stronger.

And so what is that look like when your kids answer that question. Well, we know that were talking about relationships and wisdom in relationships. This is a tool that will help you move down that path in the way that we all want to let me encourage you to get a set will to check out the new discuss this cards just go to your website. LivingontheEdge.org weather for you or a friend. This 52 cards set will give you some great prompts to get the conversation going for all the details and to order your sets today. Just go to your website. LivingontheEdge.org or give us a call at 18883336003R reps us up for today but let me remind you that on Friday she will be in studio to answer your questions about relationships. So if this message sparked a question in your mind, please send it to chip@livingontheedge.org again. Send your question to chip@livingontheedge.org well I hope you will be with us tomorrow continue our series how to raise a healthy family in the modern tell them this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening. this Edition of Living on the Edge