The Book of 1 Timothy - Step Into!, Part 2

Let me ask you a question. How do you handle confrontation do you avoid it at all costs.

Are you may be a little over eager to engage in it like you is like a good fight. Today I want to encourage you not to retreat when tough conversations or challenges arise. But to step into them in a healthy God honoring way. Stay with. Thanks for listening to this edition of living with shipping Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry featuring the daily Bible. I will tell you today's message is readily relevant to every first.

How we talk to talk about other believers is at an all-time low.

Today is to continue since the first of foot and learn how we can disagree now before we get started if you're new to Living on the Edge missed any part of the series, you can always catch up via the chipping program here now is part two of chips message step into accepting first Timothy chapter 5 verse 22 do not lay hands upon anyone to quickly and thereby share responsibility for the sins of others keep yourself free from sin, you know, when you're overwhelmed in a job and you just a minute. It's just hard to breathe and you can't do it all.

It is the absolute worst time to hire someone because no matter what you tell yourself you will settle in your hire someone that is a quick fix. You get a minute and here's what I can tell you the wrong person in a role whether it's in a church ministry or accompany the wrong person is way worse than no one at all that then goes back the sins of some people are quite evident going on before them to judgment for others their sins follow after Timothy had be really careful who you put in leadership. Here's the deal. Some some people you put in leadership. They mess up and everyone knows they mess up, but some people go to their grave and we don't find out about the damage or what's happened until later, but it's devastating and without mentioning any names. I think you can all think of some of some of the greatest Christian leaders in our whole generation who in recent times revelations about their sexual indiscretions and that have rocked in the in this particular case, not the United States globally when I can tell you is that for reasons God only knows I have the a been in three church ministries in my life. I got up to help plant a church.

So I guess for in every one of those three, I followed someone who fell morally. I will tell you some you can't fathom, or grass. How long the ripples the people who I can't trust God I can't believe in God anymore.

I believed in that person. If he did that a weak man in a weak moment under the right circumstances, beginning with me and everyone in this room and anyone ever watch as this, you can fall. I mean, if David, I am and I read the Scriptures minute David can fall who can't. I mean it is like watching a nuclear emotional spiritual bomb go off and then the radiation of it just goes on for 2345 years and some people never recover. And so he's really warning him Timothy just having the right doctrine doesn't make you great pastor and you have people skills just being right doesn't make you a great leader just being right and having the right intentions don't make you a great leader a great husband a great father or a great dad being right, but the right doctrine with the right intentions with the emotional intelligence to know how to relate to people in a way that builds a bridge so they can hear and understand.

And the truth be applied so it comes as a help and support. Instead of the hammer that crushes, and I think the sin that can happen when we want to help her reprove other people is our anger and our sense of self-righteousness and even out of deep concern at times of discipline. Some of my kids with an intensity as they were growing up, that I had to go back and apologize. Thank God for wives right chip. What he did was really wrong chip I've I think what you said was really right chip. I think you said it in a way that you just crushed one of our cute spirits and of course after immediate denial. And she doesn't understand the Holy Spirit that sounded a lot like my wife's voice said, you just crushed when you cute spirits and you need you need to get down on their level when they were young we need to sit across the bed when they were teenagers and with tears in your eyes. You need to say what you did was wrong. Lying about was worse. And candidly, the fear, it struck in my heart about wet. That could mean for your life caused me to discipline you in a way where you got way too much heat and not enough light and see that's what Paul is trying to help Timothy learn so the coaching nuggets here are maintain these principles without bias, doing nothing in a spirit of partiality.

I want to start thinking about relationships start with your wife your married) give children leadership in the church relationships in a small group work, relationships, friendships, and want to start thinking of God is there anyone or anything that you need me to adjust. You need me to be more emotionally intelligent and to do it without bias.

The responses do not sharply rebuke an older man appeal to him as a father to younger men as brothers older women as mothers and the younger women as sisters and all purity what I can say to you is doing that without bias has been a big journey for me. Powerful people intimidate us rich rich people can intimidate you people that don't look like you who don't act like you who don't believe like you who vote for a different party than you who have more tattoos than you whose hair looks differently than you whose color of their skin is different from you who come from a different background than you, all those things can cause us to unconsciously have a lens or a bias because we've grown up in a world that's different than their world and it takes emotional intelligence guided by the spirit of God into goes back to I don't if you know St. Francis's prayer at such a great prayer.

He asked God to grant me to be an agent of of your blessing to people and then one of the great lines is. He says I asked that I might seek to love rather than to be loved, to understand, rather than be understood and an empathy is the very first thing that we all need in every problem relationship changes everything. You might drop this in your notes.

This is been so helpful. Everyone behaves in a way that makes sense to them. And if you can realize that then you don't demonize them in their terrible and they're wrong. They've done this now, I may totally disagree. They may be wrong but it makes sense to them from the information I have in the way they were brought up in their belief system and their worldview doing X, Y, and Z really makes sense to them if you can back that up and try to figure out why it makes sense to them and build a bridge relationship, then there's hope. But casting grenades at one another is not fearing too well. Here's what the coaching. I think the Lord gives us through the apostle Paul hears the underlying issue circle if you will, wisdom, concept of wisdom is the Hebrew concept in wisdom isn't intellect, wisdom is skill in effect in the Old Testament when the word is used to building the temple uses this word for wisdom for the guy that has the ability to do artwork and in building and it Proverbs uses wisdom to sites knowing the right thing to do in the right way for the right reason wisdom with knowledge and understanding and how to apply that what Paul is trying to say is this is the wisdom you need a relationships.

The underlying question for me and for you is am I willing to address the relational challenges in my home work in church. I'm just going to go on record.

The average man is not willing to address the relational challenges in your home you just figure out how to deal with your silo. Her silo.

The kids will be like that. I guess things will some other time.

I don't know any man that over sometime doesn't have conflict and communication conflict in your sex life.

Conflict with in-laws conflict with money and I struggle with all of them and I can tell you that at different seasons in my life. I didn't want to face him so I buried them. And so what you learn to do is when there's something that needs to be addressed. It's easier to turn on ESPN. It's easier to drink a couple beers. It's easy to go in the garage and get a workout anything but talk about the issue that really honey, you know what I went away to this retreat.

And God spoke to me about our relationship, and I've sensed over time.

I like to talk about that. Or maybe it's a son that's grown.

Maybe it's of someone you haven't forgiven. Maybe some boss that dig in. Maybe it's someone in your small group that I've had pastors tell me I'm watching people with 20 years of deep relationship in our church split and I may not talk to each other.

I have families in our churches. They don't younger generation older generation are not communicating over all these secondary issues. What you need is wisdom and God will show you the action required is this I call it stepping into hits of all the things it's hard. I think for us as men, as it stepping into relational messy stuff if you're already gotta ask yourself why would my younger son who loves Jesus be so adamantly opposed to my political view of things.

Ask him and seek to understand and really listen. Why would why would my father who loves God and cares about God. How in the world could he vote for so-and-so or support this with all these other issues are combined with it.

Skim would encourage you to memorize verse one and two and tilts both in your heart and in your hands of practicing this is how I'm going to deal with older men. This is how I'm going to deal with younger men not to be superior and not feel inferior.

This is how I'm gonna view my brothers this is how I'm going to treat him to think of the various women in my life that are better younger sisters in Christ, if you're going to step into a delicate relational issue. You need to get outside help might be an older man could be a pastor. Might be a counselor to someone that you know you know woman whoever it is no zoom in and then I would say you have to develop a plan and then a time to act.

If you walk out of here going unite I can address this with one of my kids. I need to address this with a guy that used to work with. I need address this with that pastor or one of the leaders that church that we left over XYZ dude write it down and say by this date, I will address that good intentions accomplish nothing and then when the emotion comes up like oh man, I don't how to do that then just admit that God on how to do that or are you ready for this one.

Believe I'm going to share God. I'm afraid to do that and I'm afraid to do that to me.

What if what if this I mean is not good now, but it could be a lot worse. Right. If you are willing get someone who will help you develop the plan and show you how to do it. There's a book I don't know the author my son had me read it. It's called critical conversations.

It's very short but it really talks about how do you not put off having that conversation that are the most critical and how to do it in a positive way. Everything from what to do how to do it when to do it in what environment, how to set it up super book the unspoken need is to develop personal courage. You need to be emotionally intelligent experiences. Most of us are fairly smart enough to know what we really need to do. My observation is we don't have the courage to do it. I can remember early on, the courage to go to marriage counseling because our marriage was in real trouble. I just just recently I had a situation with someone that's really, really close to me and I do know how to handle it and I took you know I'm a pastor and up – my background is in theology and psychology. I got the tools my bad and I got stuck. I called the guy from Southern California to John. I'm really stuck. Could you could you tell me of someone in my area. He's gotta be really good and really biblical because I don't want a bunch of you know, psychobabble. But I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.

He said he I got a grind man. I drove up to Milpitas area sat down with him for an hour and had a couple three sessions on zoom.

I got news for you by a compound fracture. I window I got this I got this in a real man can handle compound fracture.

If I can if I don't know how to handle something in a relationship. I'm going to go to a good doctor and asked for help can encourage you to do whatever it takes.

Here's how. First, know the truth. Joshua 19 some of you know right.

Have I not commanded you. Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you right wherever you go. You don't have to be afraid. Proverbs 1717 a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. I got to know the truth. God's got someone to help me with this living the truth is that Matthew seven in its it's a classic passage of do not judge, lest you be judged in. I want to make one point. Be careful that when you are addressing a relational challenge that you don't sit in the position of I've got the truth and I just need to get this person to see the truth. That's a non-starter what you have is a perspective of the truth that is your lens that is developed over time.

In fact, this was such an area of arrogance in my life that got pointed out so painfully and some of my leadership years where I had to admit where I was. It was a failure of leadership. I unconsciously thought that my perspective was the perspective and so I started. I wrote out on the card when I have to talk to someone about something that I think might be hard. I literally have memorize. Here's my first line I sense we need to talk about something and what I like to share with you is this. I have a perspective I'm not telling you it's the truth I'm not telling you it's reality.

I'm telling you it's my current perspective, the situation that I think we need to get on the table and talk about so I need to hear because this event happened or this conversation happened and from my lands. This is the way it looks. Help me understand if that's accurate or inaccurate, and what that does is that gives the person a chance to say no you don't understand, and we can disagree but the moment if you cannot talk to someone, you're right there wrong and they need to get with the program.

You might be right, but that attitude will kill any opportunity for building a bridge and then you have to do it gently. Galatians 612, brother, and even if someone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual. The ideas mature, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.

Each one looking to yourself so that you will not be tempted. Bear one another's burdens and therefore fulfill the law of Christ. We so need each other and then finally just hands-on.

Proverbs 27, 17 in terms of sharing the truth.

Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

In other words, I when I've gotten around that I have some people in my life that are really good at speaking the truth in love, and especially early on. I want people to like me so much. I was pretty good at speaking about the love but not so much about the truth and then as I matured a little bit. I got pretty good at speaking the truth but thought very much in love and so what I what I found is getting around people that are good at that has help me get better at it and get more comfortable. Here's what I can tell you what you really fear is going to happen that keeps you from doing it rarely happens on occasion, it does but it's the fear of the blowup that will keep you genuine.

We talk about godliness, genuine maturity. Here's the mark of it. Ephesians chapter 411 to 13 says God gave gifted leaders to the church to equip the saints to do the work of ministry until we all become mature in Christ and then says here's the litmus test of whether you mature in Christ. One is doctrinal and the other is relational. As a result, were no longer to be children, tossed here and there by every wind of doctrine, by craftiness in deceitful scheming. Another word so if you mature you know the truth versus the lie, but speaking the truth in love, were to grow up into all aspects into him who is the head and then it talks about the ruble by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body building up of redemption, restoration, reconciliation. That's what Jesus offers us back with application for this message and step into from his series.

The book of first Timothy life coaching from the apostle Paul to this new study chip identifies six pieces of godly wisdom. Paul passed on to his protégé Timothy Albee's truths apply to you and me here why characteristics like humility, dedication, integrity and respect are still critical to our relationships with others and God I hope you listen to every part of the series, either through the chirping roadmap or LivingontheEdge.org. I really think you gotta learn a lot chips with me in studio now and ship as we were talking about Paul coaching Timothy. It made me think there may be some Christians out there in midlife or beyond the don't feel like I have much to offer either in the church or in mentoring young people would you say to them, will Dave. I think that's true, and I think it's a lie.

Those in my generation or some a little bit older can feel like I'm rusty or my skills are outdated or you know I've done my time. You know I'm 4056 years old and I'm gonna leave it in the next generation. The fact of the matter is, God has a different purpose for every person in every season and I'm going to ask you as someone may be in midlife or beyond. To really think about the wisdom the advice the feedback the experience the person you could be in the body of Christ. You see your innately wired by God with gifts and experiences that he wants to use and he wants to use now. The real question is do you know what they are and how to use them well here Living on the Edge we've created a brand-new resource called the real you. It's an online questionnaire designed to provide insight into how God wired you.

This is more than spiritual gift test, you identify the patterns and what you think. What motivates you and white teams need someone just like you to take about 20 minutes to complete and it won't cost you a thing. Then, based on your responses. The real you will offer suggestions about how you can practically live out God's purpose for your life. Whether that's at home in the office at church or in your community as a Living on the Edge partner.

We want you to be the first to access this resource. Head over to the real you.org to learn more. That's the real you.org most Christians don't how to leverage their God-given wiring and experiences for the kingdom. We want to change that bike strip. Well as you can tell, we are really excited about this new resource.

We hope the real you will help you not only discover who God made you to be. But how he made you think, act and live as Chip said, you can sign up for this reassessment by going to the real you.org or if it's easier text the word real to 741 41. That's the word real REAL27 4141 hapless nurse Special offers will now here's chip to share his application as we close today's message I want to actually read two key verses from first Timothy five better the heart of everything that we shared.

Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appealed to him as a father to the younger men his brothers to the older women as mothers and to the younger women as sisters and all purity and it goes on as we learn to talk about widows and others, but I just want to ask you how are you speaking to different people is it with kindness is it with sensitivity in the message. I challenge you to step into these relationships and to memorize that passage.

Are you ready memorize that passage, I mean just get that in your mind. Were you thinking in older people and men and women and peers in younger women and other young guys and just a really think there is a way to talk about even controversy all things that doesn't put down the person that respects them as a person that shares your thoughts with dignity and understanding, not with harshness. Second, when you have a tough situation that's coming up. Get some good outside counsel get someone to help you think about how to address a tough issue in your marriage or with a friend or with a brother or with someone that you know is a believer and you were friends before the pandemic and things of divided you and then finally develop a very specific timeline to act. Here's what I want you to do as you heard this message to questions who do you need to talk to second question is there anyone you need to apologize to. It's not about being right, it's about do you have the right attitude and in the body of Christ right relationships matter more than you being right. Oh God, would you bring healing about in your body, would you help us to recognize where even if we believe with all of our heart.

What we believe or what we've said is right.

Would you please forgive us for the way we set it or the people that we've attacked. I would you give us the courage and the humility to go to them today and ask them to forgive us for the way we set it men before we go I want to thank those of you who make this program possible through your generous financial support. Your gifts help us create programs purchase airtime and develop additional resources to help Christians live like Christians. If you've been blessed by the ministry of Living on the Edge. Would you consider sending a gift today. You can do that when you visit LivingontheEdge.org or the chirping roadmap and now you can text the word donate to 741 41. That's the word donate to 741 41.

We want you to know how much we appreciate your support will until next time, this is Dave Gurley saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge