How to Raise a Healthy Family in a Modern World - Guess Who's Behind Families that Thrive, Part 1

When you meet a family that is really thriving, loving relationship joining a sense of unity and purpose. You will almost always find one special person.

One, a family that tries to stay with that. Welcome to this edition Living on the Edge with the mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christian Bible teaching just a minute to fix office series how to raise a healthy family got kids or grandkids children at church or school raising a healthy Christian family is a challenge. So the short trips can uncover a few foundational troops that can make a difference in any family and help you get the most out of what you're going to teach. Let me encourage you to use chips message notes while you listen to include his brief outline and all the supporting Scripture references to download these message notes just go to the broadcast stab@livingontheedge.org listeners Fill in notes okay let's get going.

Enjoy Chip for today's talk guesses behind families that thrive. I believe there's never been a more difficult time to be a woman than in the world right now, especially America roles change values change a bombardment at a level of how you have or ought to look to be acceptable. What you need to accomplish. I mean the messages little woman here's day after day, and the demands as things keep changing so rapidly I think even as a man, and even as a husband I don't think most of us get it, but working to get it today. Okay Proverbs chapter 31 if you have your Bible, go ahead and open to that. I it's a it's an acrostic Hebrew poem by the wisest man in the world according to the creator of the world and there's a couple extremes he got to avoid. Proverbs 31 one is this is not her daily schedule okay if you if you if you're familiar with this. You know, it starts Ottoman. She's up before dawn she buys a field I mean this like she takes off her her robe and she's got Supergirl inside. This is not a woman's daily schedule and the other extreme, this is not like oh those three verses. I really like. I think that's what I think a woman I do. I don't like those other verses.

Now it's here's what it is, instead of a snapshot. It's a movie. It's the collage of a woman's life in the various seasons of her life and it takes an acrostic as each letter of the Hebrew alphabet and these are the things that from God's perspective. He most admires and a woman talk about her marriage or work or home her ministry or personal life so you ready let's dig in together. What is it that God most admires and what he most admires is godly character and it might sound sort of theological or just biblical none in the here's what it means. What God most admires ladies and us gentlemen is who you are, not how you look and not what you've accomplished, or have to accomplish. There is this drive inside in our culture I are not acceptable as a woman, the less I look like the front of that magazine are the people portrayed on TV or in that movie or I have to accomplish all these things to be a someone got to know know know know man sees on the outside. I look at the heart and who you really are is what matters most. And so there's four or five ways that your character who you are shows up in the first to see admires godly character in woman's marriage it says I a wife of noble or excellent character. That's who you are. Who can find what's your value. Her worth is far more than rubies. What's the impact her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. What does she do she brings him good not harm, all the days of her life because I want to tell you more than your job more than any amount of money more than golf more than a hobby.

The most precious possession.

If you're married, is your wife, and then God would say let's treat her like she's that precious second is this particular wife. Her character, such her husband has confidence another or she's trustworthy. He's not worried about her stepping out.

He's not worried about doing things they haven't agreed on. There's this confidence in this woman and her first priority. She does him good, not just on the front and all the days of her life. She's faithful to him, even when some of us are acting like jerks and here's the application don't take her for granted and we all do you find a great home you find a home that's thriving you find a marriage is thriving. You find kids that were doing well guess who is on always men. We have a great role avoid the glue of families. The mom's.

The wife and so guys what I want to say is treat her like your most precious possession and ladies, here's one for you.

The temptation in different season is to make work or your children a higher priority than your husband.

Mom's if you want to have great kids.

The greatest thing you can do is make your husband your number one priority because there's this thing that happens in the heart of the child when mom and dad are in love and connected.

And that's what really matters. First, there's a security that bubbles over into their life unexplainable but absolutely true. The second way that God sees godly character. It is in a woman in her home. She selects wool and flax, and works with eager hands. My underlying eager hands. She is like the merchant ships that bring food from and you might underline from afar. She gets up while it's still dark.

Underline still dark and she rides food for her family and portions for her servants. It's a picture of a woman in her home and again this is this is the general characteristic.

This is not necessarily she's up at dawn every single day.

But notice she does it with eager hands there.

Some women they say I love being a mom in this home. She got this positive attitude is not for me or you know that what is anybody care more about me and I've got all these demands she does it with eager hands and she's like she's someone who really plans ahead. She's industrious like a ship that is gonna take whatever extreme to go from afar. This is someone is thinking something I want the very best for my family and what I've watched, how you women do this. She gets up while it's still dark. I watched my wife while specially when you have little ones years and years and years. A little lamp would come on what was still dark and she would be sitting in a corner with her Bible realizing man. There is no way married to this guy, which is a challenge and then with these children and that all the demands and then my own personal life that mean she was disciplined to make sure she got her soul fed first and then the lunches get packed who keeps the schedule. In most homes. I mean the whole family schedule is not you guys most the time she provides food for her family and portions. She manages the family.

She's disciplined she's industrious and most days has this great attitude.

Here's the application.

Be sensitive to the demands on her life and by the way, can I just go on record. Men, we don't get this. We really don't and kids.

You don't get it either. Peter Drucker is the father of modern management. One my favorite authors and he said the four hardest jobs in the world. Number one present United States, number two, the administrator of the hospital. Number three the pastor of a church in number four, a mom at home with more than a couple kids why you have to multitask, you have different constituents that all want different things with competing values. So if you're this hospital minister writer. The patient's really matter but the nurses really matter but the doctors really matter, but what you know. Guess what the board wants the return on the money that snowbirds highlight how in the world with all these demands can I deliver what I'm supposed to deliver. That's what all those jobs have in common in women. I think women have a voice that's almost it's so ingrained with they feel their kids they feel the world that you're the husband I need you I need you I need you I need you and I don't think their brain ever turns off so guys what we do. Be sensitive to the demands in her life and her some practical ways. One, think through her schedule. It's never ending and we grow accustomed to lots of things getting done letter get sick for two days or go out of town and you go on my gosh, how does she do this. Second, help out, especially if she's working outside the home.

So the most romantic things you ever do take out the trash. Run the vacuum get involved.

Listen and empathize encourager without ESPN or the Wall Street Journal or your phone out buzzing set it all aside have a high contact lean in, are you ready listen when most powerful ways we ever love anybody but especially women and especially our wives is listening and then listen empathetically and then just in your mind believe that you have duct tape over your mouth because the moment you start fixing something you just messed up. She needs to know that you understand that you get it that everything in your life is saying I need you I need you I need you and then help her help her. I member the day my life was getting ready for supper.

Something like this and two kids were doing this and one was doing that in just walking and going and they want this and they want that lesson.

What's wrong with this picture is like to do this in a packed lunch is not going to lunch or so a day. Help your wife delegate some jobs that not only you take, but the kids so fundamentally sees eight years old. He can figure out how to make a lunch. So let's let's get that plan. They turn 12. They can all learn how to do their laundry. Guess what were trying to teach them responsibility know I'm the mother pick we got for now. So you need it.

You need to list some of the demands and women often feel guilty if they don't do everything for everyone, and so your plan is to say help you be a godly woman in her home. I'm going to step in. The third area is godly character expressed in her work.

Again, this is a collage there's different seasons where women can work some work a little to some seasons they may choose. You know the wisest things not work at all when the kids are very small, but here's a snapshot. She considers a field and buys it, and out of her earnings. She plants a vineyard.

So this lady is obviously an entrepreneur.

She sets about her work vigorously. Her arms are strong for her task underline that because Hebrew rendering I think is far better to say she actually strengthens herself for her task. Mother was what she does.

She understands it okay. Whether it's kids, whether it's work, whether to season with some both I need to strengthen myself. I need to take care of me. I need to be emotionally and spiritually and physically whole. So I have something to give.

She sees that her trading is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. That doesn't mean that she's a workaholic and is up until three in the morning up at dawn member.

The little parable Jesus about the 10 virgins in some ran out of oil.

This is someone who plans this is someone or lamp doesn't go out because she's thinking and planning ahead and knowing you know what I've like some of us she's already ordered from Costco all those Amazon boxes showing up because she's thinking ahead unlike a lot of us in her hand she holds the distaff and grass the spindle with her fingers. This is a season where a woman is an amazing worker. Here's the application, provide her with some windows of relief and then let me just come to address something that women are being bombarded in our culture on my background in undergraduate and graduate school psychology sub done a lot of research on the home and family and educational psychology and all that stuff so the research is in. This is not the pastor talking although I it's absolutely true because what Scripture teaches your children the first 6 to 8 years.

Somewhere between 75 to 85%.

The personality their moral values their sexual identity and their self concept will be formed. You been bombarded to believe that if you stay home when their small, you're wasting your education you been bombarded to believe that two incomes and a little bit nicer house and maybe a couple cars and later model.

Things are being able to buy a house is more important than a mother's time in the first 6 to 8 years.

Here's all I can tell you the research is absolutely overwhelming. The bonding that occurs in the value of a child's actual mother in his or her life will have exponential impact and that that's gone from the majority of women to less women to less women to less women and with that we seen more and more degeneration in the family and more and more kids, more and more struggles.

All I can tell you is you can choose what to do, but there's a pretty small window 6 to 8 years that the wisest thing you can do.

According to the best research and the wisest thing you can do according to God is all those things that are nonverbal. All that cuddling.

All that I contact you know we've got a problem when the government are you ready for this. The government is now giving us commercials sing to your child, hold your child read to your child. Isn't that what mothers have done forever, but that's not what someone does. It has five or six or seven kids. Now there's some single moms. You have no choice. Some of you are in some very unique situation and my saying it's wrong to work now. I'm just saying you have some priority choices to make and biting the bullet on the front and will produce amazing exponential positive, encouraging results, so what we do men what's our role. We need to provide windows of relief.

Some women work as a pressures husbands oppression them. I want more income because we want to do this we want to do with going to that again. What I have one car without air conditioning for five years and rented in government-subsidized apartment spine. Here's was very hot so my wife could stay home with our kids while I went to work full-time, went to school full-time. When I look at what's happened to my kids ups down struggles Otis tell you small sacrifice record word for those that are working or not working guys. Let me give you a few tips and children in the dark our the dark hour in my mind is if you come home from work and if your wife is cooking dinner if that's what works. Hopefully some of you guys are all my sons the how to cook on and how that happened wasn't genetic and they did learn from me, but went when you come home and there's this window. What between five and six or 530 to 630. The woman's energy, especially since she's work outside the home. There's that there's the pressure there's the dinner and to go over and sit down and read the paper or turn on the TV input of the La-Z-Boy why she's doing all that is can can I say this in church she needs you specially the kids are small. That's when you take him outside, you get engaged.

You play with them.

Second is his help with the housework. I mean this whole world was working to divide the responsibilities. Guess I can say the reality. Everyone says that and then help a little bit more. The average warming outside the home.

She works full-time at home and in full-time work and we feel good about ourselves as men when we help a little vacuum once two weeks ago, none and we get it, you got engage in a completely different level. You help small kids all do the dance tonight.

Older kids all own homework I'll do that work and in my case all do math and science.

You do English but you divide and conquer what your wife feels like is you understand my demands, you're giving me relief.

You are for me and were in this together and it's never been harder than it is right now for a woman. The fourth area of her godly character is expressed in her ministry.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. You know it's so easy to let your whole life get consumed with you your marriage, your kids, your world, but God says when I look at the heart of a godly woman she doesn't live in little family cocoon is not just about running from from work to hear their carting kids around to to ballet, violin and sports. It's she she has this heart of compassion.

She cares so deeply for marginalized people. She notices the single mom that's dropping her kids off for sports. She notices that the lady that's depressed at the gym or the person who serves coffee and she could tell her countenances down cheat sheet she interacts and realizes that you know Jeannie and fairies don't make all the ministries go with the church and she understands she has spiritual gifts and a part of her life is yes wife yes mother, but it's her and she uses her gifts and there's something about expressing her gifts and caring for people that God uses to not only replenish her but help her remember her values and just what she does, wife, mother, that they've been deposited with supernatural gifts that God uses and supernatural ways to love people and she sees the impact of her life.

So here's the application of firm.

Her spiritual gifts and her impact. My wife came from a very painful home life, followed by a very painful life afterwards and by the time I met her I met you were all prejudice and we should be. I met this very beautiful, talented person that when she looked in the mirror saw someone very ugly and very inferior in very unworthy and it was such a struggle in our marriage and we started out in our first little church about 35 people.

They ask or could you you know you're the pastor's wife, little churches, could you teach the women's Bible study.

There's like eight or 10 women and she just went into convulsions. You know I could never do that. I don't have anything to say honey, you know, what she wants you so she unit with some nudging took a couple little steps and after about a year or two.

She would not.

She got to where she didn't like throw up before she all eight women would show up and and little by little God help Teresa see you have something to say your and encourage her Thanksgiving would come or someone came to the church and it was kind of a neat day when anything like in the church you know them, because you knew the all 34 other people and and you know they had a problem they would end up at our Thanksgiving table or we meet kids going through difficult times and they just ended up at our house. Her world wasn't just us but as she did that is amazing to see how God who heard that over the years she out of her own conic time in counseling came up with these cards about a positive self identity and a number of years ago when we were in Santa Cruz. They ask you to teach this women's retreat, and someone recorded it and it became a little thing called precious in his sight in my wife that you she doesn't travel around. She doesn't feel called to speak, but this was a passion on her heart. She spent years going through with her daughter and this is kind of how does God see me and so they did that in number of years ago we were kind of running out of material Living on the Edge and I notice a lot of these people that listen or light is what we put some my wife did powers of these don't know man, they can't expect you to teach. You don't want to. She's thinking, whom I write, so we would put this on the radio every month I get these reports. Like you, how many people respond or kiss what we put hers on a cursor like this. I like that and you know what I went I went back thinking. I'm so glad I kept nudging her and saying you have gifts. Yes, you are an amazing wife yes to an amazing mother. You're an amazing person and in this she kept talking about those cards that she made up little bit later they created these affirmation cards and then they made him real pretty and all that thousands of these are now going around the country because of my wife's gifts, not mine, but guiding what she needed. She needed someone to look her in the eye and say you have the how you you have gifts you you're a somebody you have something to offer and as we do that, you just might be surprised that God has some things inside your wife. That's beyond made ever, ever dream.

Let me encourage you to affirm her spiritual gifts and just a minute. This application is been listening to the first part of his message guesses behind families that thrive from a series how to raise a healthy family in a modern world. As many of us know raising a family view stays comes with lots of challenges in raising a healthy Christian family is becoming increasingly more difficult to do so.

What hope to moms and dads have through this short series chip on Paxil parents can create a home that's built on love, respect, and most importantly the Bible. Don't miss the ways you can establish a well-adjusted countercultural family that they look odd to some, but truly honors God know if you happen to miss any part of the series chip and remap is a great way to catch up anytime and if you'd like to learn more about Teresa's resources that you mentioned a minute ago. Go to LivingontheEdge.org and search for precious in his sight. From there you'll find Teresa's new book or popular broadcast series and her insightful affirmation cards order any of those resources when you go to LivingontheEdge.org are Bible teacher Chip Ingram is with me now and ship as we focus on building strong families in the series. You had something really important.

You'd like to share with our listeners so I should take some time to do that right now. Thanks so much Dave. I want to take a few minutes today to talk directly to you parents and grandparents like me you probably have a mounting concern for your kids and grandkids are growing up and raising families in our world today.

They faced challenges that we would have never imagined and will face persecutions for being Christians that most of us had not needed to endure in our lifetime. What's even more concerning is the dilution of the Bible and the confusion over biblical principles saturating the culture and fact in many churches today. The dumbing down of Christianity and the resulting numbness in our children's faith is outright devious. This is not a tactic of flesh and blood. It's a spiritual war we have to fight these battles in a way that equips the next generation for the war that were in 25 years ago when God gave me the dream for discipleship ministry. I had no idea how the Lord would grow Living on the Edge to what it is today helping Christians to live like Christians is more important now than when we first began, especially for the next generation as they raise our children and our grandchildren. Let me ask you when you join me and Living on the Edge in this fight for the hearts and the minds of the next generation. We need partners who stand with us financially to help us get the truth in the right places in the right way to cut through the deception that's bombarding our kids each and every day and right now is an especially potent time to give because every dollar that you give from now through July 7 will be double dollar for dollar I want to thank you for praying and forgetting whatever God chose you to do together. Let stand for our kids and our grandkids. We can make a difference great challenge chip will fuel to help us in our mission to reach the next generation knows a great time to become a financial partner because right now every gift we received through July 7 will be doubled. Your $25 becomes $50 hundred dollars becomes 200 and $500 becomes a thousand to make a donation.

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Thank you for praying and doing whatever the Lord leads you to do which of today. You describe some of the characteristics of a godly woman but you really didn't talk much about how to become the kind of person as we wrap up this program would you give a few practical tips for the women listening or maybe show the ways you saw Teresa embody these qualities.

I'd be glad to Dave your right and we didn't talk a lot about the how but there's a verse in Proverbs that says that he who dwells with wise men will be wise that the companionable fool will suffer harm it and that certainly talks about our friendships, but I think even more. I think the thing I saw my wife do over all the years despite some early past hardships struggles difficult difficult things she went through. I think her time with God. I think my my wife just hung out with God and continues to do that to this day, and it wasn't just sort of those very special and important times. Yes, I watched her, even when our kids were small and multiple demands she would have to get up but you know five or 530 to spend time with God and my kids would tell stories and as they grew up later of while you know I got up about was the middle the night to go to the bathroom. There was mom on her knees.

You know, next to the couch, praying and and you know mom would always set us all down. Together we prayed before he went to school work. You she was always reading a great book. I think we become like who we hang around and I think parenting and especially with all the demands of women in our day. It really gets into do do do and a lot of performance and a lot of fear and I have to do this with all my kids and make sure they get all these certain things in their life. I think the greatest thing you do for your kids is become a godly Christlike woman and and I think that happens as you learn to enjoy God as you realize that it really is not just okay but the best thing you can do is take time for you to enjoy God to spend time with them and I watched her do that not only early in the morning, but reading great books at night praying in the car. Let me just encourage you ladies I know there's unbelievable demands that make knowing Christ and literally enjoying him the number one thing in your life. That's what will spill over into the lives of your kids. I know it's true in Scripture I got to watch it. My home, great were chip facts just before we close, would you stop for a minute and pray for Living on the Edge today.

We've never seen a greater need for God's truths to go out there right now and by God's grace Living on the Edge has been able to provide encouragement, teaching, and personal discipleship resources to more people than ever before. So thank you to those who support us with your prayers. God is doing amazing things: select sign this is Dave Drury saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge