True Spirituality - How to Come to Grips with the Real You, Part 1

There are three questions everyone regardless of culture, economic status or even religious conviction will ask and answer in your life. Number one. Who am I number two.

Where do I belong and number three. What am I supposed to do.

Answering those questions clearly and correctly will set the course for your entire life today learn how to answer them well state. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Living on the Edges of international discipleship ministry featuring the Bible to this program. Chip continues his series true spirituality becoming a Romans 12 Christian by answering those three foundational questions for the teaching to be with us to talk more and help you with some next steps. If you have a Bible turned out a Romans chapter 12 let's join Chip for his message how to come to grips with the real you will. There's not a lot of things that psychologist and theologians agree on 100% but psychologist and theologians all agree that from the time were very small. Actually, until the day we die, we begin to consciously or unconsciously try to ask and answer three questions.

Question number one. Who am I to question number two. Where do I belong in question number three.

What am I supposed to do. These are the issues about identity about security significance and were on a journey you sought about becoming a Romans 12 Christian or true spirituality and at the end of the day we can call all kind of different things.

But Jesus made it very clear. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind with all your strength and love your neighbor like yourself in Romans chapter 12, it just gives us a snapshot of what an authentic follower of Jesus looks like in everyday life. And so in terms of loving goddesses. How do you love God.

What does God want the most. He wants you and me all that we are all that we have surrendered and then realizing that it's a battle in the world system wants to seduce our heart away from our Savior. He wants us to be separate from the world values whenever you move from verse one and verse two, verse 328 and hear what we can learn is how do you come to grips with the real you. You cannot and I cannot love other people. If you don't love you, I mean that not narcissistically a man in a very healthy way how you look in the mirror. Not just physically but in the mirror of your soul come to grips with who you really are and say I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I matter God has a plan for me.

I'm not too short. I'm not too tall. I have the right personality.

I have the right gifts. I don't need to be like anyone else here is the fact of the matter. Most of us. Most people in all the earth spin the great majority of their time and energy trying to be like someone else wishing they were someone else. And so we dressed like someone else we act like someone else. We have all these different models and we spent all of her energy and time trying to be a copy of something that's not nearly as attractive as the one unique person out of the almost 7 billion people on this planet that have unique DNA to choose in your mate exactly like you were made by the creator of all of life's got a plan for you and he's gifted you and wants to do something great in you and in something significant through so whatever roll up our sleeves and work and asking the question, how do you come to grips with the real you. So open your teaching notes if you will, let's jump into those three questions. Question number one.

Who am I you know when your real small you use you say will like in my family.

I learned early in his family who am I I'm in England. My dad made it very clear that that name was important so you better not go out and do anything that would embarrass the Ingram name you get a little older and they say who are you, and we often give our profession or work. I'm a scientist I'm a software engineer I'm a stay-at-home mom on the construction work on electrician, it's who I am I my identities around what I do as we get a little bit older war as life changes often minutes about our passion will on the mom I'm a surfer on the hardest, but it all goes back to from the time your small to those late teens to early adulthood than especially low shift in midlife.

What's her identity. You're always asking this question and by the way, for those of your parents or your kids. The second big question were always asking her where do I belong. This is not security and so member in school when they were cliques anywhere coming in every school you got the athletes yet the nerds to get the cool group get the in group get the really outgroup and then there's clubs so you join different clubs and sometimes are where I belong is my ethnicity.

The people that look like me or or sometimes it's around. We are where we belong on the IBMer dominates peer, Google or Frank. You know, other times where I belong is why belong to this country club and people like me, go here or I belong to the skanky dilemma pants down here and I got some bling or I belong because in some games you have to kill someone to get in and I got a tear tattoo right here to prove that I'm in that you need understand that the same dynamics when you're small or later every one of those is every person is made by the God of the universe to need to belong to need to understand who you really are. We go about it. In some ways sometimes are very dysfunctional fact, sometimes very dangerous third question were asking is why my here. What am I supposed to do is fundamental. It's so fundamental and so overwhelming sometimes we blow past this. We went to last time you actually stopped and said why am I on this planet. What is the meaning of life for me. She would love to man you left to you.

That's like oh yeah that's unsure of its most important question of life's all get around to that a lot of voicemails you know and like emails and you know there's working as kids ago drop people off and by the way, got a get in. I get to get these good test scores and I need. It's amazing how many people blow through life fulfilling all kinds of duties responding to all kinds of demands it really are about identity and security, and you wake up 3040 50 years later in your leisure whole life is been a grind your whole life is been for something that's can happen someday, some way out there and you never stop to ask what am I supposed to do with my life. A big part of the whole midlife crisis is people look in the rearview mirror: I'm not only not asked that question when I start thinking about it very deeply. I don't like the answer because I not only don't know but I haven't given much energy or time or track record what I think probably matters most. Now before you get to down on yourself right because honestly those are big are they, those are so big is an interesting the biggest issues in life, you can sort of shove down because there is so hard to answer. It's like, well, yeah. I mean who here would say who am I really and where do I belong and what am I supposed to do. Come on, ship, would you get to some serious right that there's no bigger questions and that and yet the great majority of people have not thought deeply or to give due good clear answers to that. But let me tell you why. Let me explain why those are so hard to answer. Turning your notes to page 2. Something happened. Something happened to our first parents that we've inherited from them make these three questions very hard to answer is why the world has such a pull on us is why we settle for lots of superficial answers to those things.

Knowing down deep in our soul.

They don't really satisfy the passages Genesis chapter 3 the context is the cosmic coup has occurred the most loving being the most generous being the giver of all life, the creator of the universe, Yahweh, God has created mankind and told him that all that I have and everything's available. There's only one small limitations don't eat from that tree in our parents, first by deception than by act of the will was a coup was a rebellion and sin entered the world. The theologians call the fall of man we pick up the story we find out what happened.

As we pick up the story, you'll discover why for you and me.

It's really hard to answer this question as well.

They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. The first time. This is ever happened.

They ran to meet him. They live in a perfect environment that they were naked. Emotionally they were naked, spiritually they were naked physically. Some theologians think there was radiation of light that came out from them before the fall even there was absolute complete intimacy with God, intimacy and vulnerability with on another unconditional acceptance.

Life was perfect and now they hear God coming in for the first time they hi the Lord God called to the man and said him where are you, by the way, this is not an informational question. This is diagnostic. God knew where he was using ask a series of questions to help Adam discover where he's really Adam said I heard the sound of you in the garden. I was afraid because I was naked so I hid myself. If you got a pen. When you pull it out in circle afraid naked and hid. That'll come back later you find there's a relational pattern in that you have and I have in every human being has, and God said, who told you that you were naked.

Have you eaten from the tree of which I command you not to eat and so he's going to answer God and is very interesting if you happen to be his wife. This is not a good moment. What you can learn as you can't trust the sky for the first time ever.

What you gonna learn when the pressure comes what is going to do instead of owning his stuff and be a man. He's going to be passive and blame you. So even probably standing there knowing the whole story and she's can hear her husband say God the woman that you gave me to be with me. She gave me from the tree and I translation it's not my fault it's her fault and by the way, you're the one who gave it to me so let's do the math. Not me, it's her, it's your fault really got.

And so God moves on with the progression of diagnostic questions. Then the Lord God said to the woman, what is this you have done in the woman being a very quick study says the serpent deceived me, and I know it's not my fault either. It's a serviceable annual maintenance garden and no maidservants all the problems in life are God's is an interesting lot hasn't changed.

When there's a tragedy when is a difficulty when something happens in the world is an interesting as human beings. What it was here. How could God let this happen. How come every single day this. How could God let me breathe.

How could God give me this coming we don't like list every good thing he's ever done anything goes wrong with the port hotel you what right three obstacles you see in this passage about why it's so hard to come to grips with the real you. First is fear rooted in shame. Notice he says I was afraid why I was afraid because now for the first time ever, Adam realizes he's naked and and and don't of course it's physical but well well beyond what he realizes is he's exposed what he realizes when he meets the eyes of someone who sees absolutely perfect through everything he doesn't measure up.

There's a self-consciousness that is occurred and can I tell you that this is how we relate to God often and this is how we relate to one another. It is the primary means of relating to other human beings and God is fear is rooted in shame to see. I mean if we get all the superficial sophistication and all the pop psychology out of the way.

If I get remove every ounce of veneer from your life and mine and all the image management and all the ways you kind of frame things and all the levels of denial that you have down deep in your heart and your soul. If someone new.

All of you. I mean all of you the thoughts that envy the motives of things that you thought, let alone the things you've done down deep in your heart, you're pretty convinced you'd be rejected and so we relate to one another in fear and spend inordinate amount of energy posing an image managing and since were not sure who we really are. We want to be liked by other people. So I call them personality holograms because of your background and your gifts in the part of the country you grow up in all these factors somewhere along the learn world you learn. People in certain groups like this and so you learn to act like that, and dress like that and need to drive that in your kids need to go to this school and you have all these things that somehow someway.

If all that is lined up because you get affirmation from that you get approval from that your admired by people. Here's the problem. What you know is this hologram that your projecting of this person that has a condo together and is loving and is kind and is a good whatever you know down deep in your soul that really does represent all of you, let alone so a lot of the real you. And even when people love the hologram you don't get love because you know that's not you that's why we find some of the people that are most beautiful and most successful and we find them doing things we scratch our heads and say how could someone that has all the things we all long for, kill themselves or destroy their life with an addiction. It's that discrepancy in the so it's fear rooted in shame.

Notice the second thing that happens in this. Not only did they say I was afraid he says hiding rooted in insecurity.

See when you're naked you feel insecure you feel inadequate and so you hi. Not only were afraid that I hide the real me from you and you hide the real you from others and from God is amazing when you don't feel like praying especially if you down deep feel you know this or that low-grade guilt in your soul that is not like really big sins but sort of the little one start adding up and you just don't feel very motivated to pray about you but when I realizes I don't want to go talk to God right now because I know how this is going to go right he's gonna cause me to be honest. Expose me for who I am and I don't like that and so I played this game like will I don't really talk to very deeply right now he doesn't really know but don't you do that with your mates because of you to marry, don't you do with your roommates don't you do that with your best friends don't we play that game.

We have fear that's rooted in shame and we hide in our insecure and cannot say something.

Here's a great little message to learn. This is a freedom message for me. Everyone on the earth is desperately insecure desperately insecure and if there's a run of our really buy that one will tell you little story that was a liberating one for me the first place that I had the privilege of pastoring.

I was 28 years old.

It was instead of a mega church was a many churches out in the country about 30 miles outside of Dallas.

The whole town was about 3000 people outside the town was a small white building. We had 35 people and so is my very first pastorate, and I did know what I was doing but this was you know the place God called me to and I thought it was like a rural church is people had pickup trucks and guns in the back and they all had their ranches and horses.

But after about two months there. When I started visiting the people in their homes not only to their homes had the southern living magazine. You know like on the coffee table. Their homes were Southern living magazine and you is only 35 people, but this guy owns the Honda dealership Yamaha dealership apartments in downtown Austin and oil and gas and this guy owned not not work that he owned an insurance company on how you do that, but someone has to own. My guess this guy over here have that one of the major CPA firms downtown and all of a sudden I realize for my very middle class my dad to the depression roots, you know both parents, school teachers, all of a sudden I realize I'm pastoring 35 people, but there mega wealthy elites there mega wealthy from where I came from and I'm intimidated to death.

If you ever been around someone that makes you feel really insecure and I would say things I would feel small and I would think I'm dumb and I don't know about that. I know them smarter than me and I got all the stuff and will chip were not to be and in his own church because we can go out of town skiing seasons were going to avail home office in Colorado to our cottage and then working at our condo in Corpus Christi and it was like an awning for the first year and 1/2 I was. I literally I remember being awake mean not sleeping at all. The first full six or seven nights before the first message. Once I found out who these people because I was so uptight about what they thought and then God put a book in my hands by Swiss psychologist Christian psychologist named Paul Turney Union have to read the book, probably out-of-print was translated from from French and English. Paul Turney, a the title of the book is the strong in the week and he'd counseled people for 30 or 40 years in the thesis of the book is real simple.

Everyone on the face of the earth is definitely insecure. Some people expressed their insecurity with strong reactions they power up they tell you who they are, where they pin they dress flashy, they tell you how many people report to them how many letters behind their name with the kids. SAT scores are you start to cross him and they get angry and they power up and all of a sudden you feel small and back away and people are desperately insecure that power up gets what they do they power up with strong reactions to create distance because down inside there a scared little boy or a scared little girl just like everybody else and a hide behind the just have different fig leaves and other people over here you have people have weak reactions and it weak reactions and they scared her feet a lot of you and I can't do anything and I'm unworthy of your throat will probably can understand it and when you first meet them. You try to help them then you try to help them then you meet them and then they they had this recorder. I'm a victim I'm a victim on the victim likes terrible and unworthy.

I'm a terrible person. No one would ever love me and after like five meetings you go you know what you might be right right on the utility. So what they've done is they don't really want help. They want sympathy and attention, but when they act like that it creates distance. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. They figure a way to act in ways where people say I won't get close to you. It works but there's not a Nichols worth the difference between the two strong reactions a week reaction.

Why was around. Mostly people that were powering up. I was scared to death and I read that book and it was literally like you get on this cartoons were light bulb goes off. Being a lifelong half and I still remember the first time I meet this guy for breakfast and he starts telling me about this on investing in that I'm going to do that and is currently backing onto minutes guys desperately insecure and I got to know his marriage and his problems started counseling some of his kids and I still never think you meant.

These people are as messed up as me. In fact, I think money can make even more messed up in me and I just decided you know what I'm going to stop pretending and I took my mask off at a new level and befriended them and I watch God do a miracle. He did a miracle in them, but he did a bigger miracle me and it was like that early journey. You know what just sort of my new radar became for years and years and years. Everyone's desperately insecure and you cover it. One way I cover one way some people cover it with you what they've done in their performance and their success other people with their story that they tell you what is called the fall and you relate and I my hiding behind because were insecure listening to part one message how to come to grips with the real you will be right back with his application for this teaching from his series true spirituality becoming a Romans 12 Christian word Christian means little Christ. So when we put our faith in Jesus we are to look and act like little copies of Jesus. Unfortunately that is not the reputation Christians have in this day and age, so how can we change that will through the series chip teaches us what it means to be a genuine follower of Christ by studying Romans chapter 12 you'll discover God's plan for you and me why we matter the need for genuine community and how we should respond to evil and injustice. So if you're wanting a clear blueprint to becoming a true little Christ. These messages are for you wasn't any time on the chipping remap or@livingontheedge.org website is also where you can learn more about the resources for this series which are discounted for limited time and while you're on our site. Let me encourage you to sign up for the brand-new daily discipleship with chip based on true spirituality for 17 days triple walk with you through Romans 12 and reveal what it means to really follow after Jesus and the ups and downs of everyday life. You can sign up for the study right now and when you do will send you our friend Lance with devotional based on Romans 12 called leave ordinary behind at no cost. Sign up now. While this offer lasts by going to LivingontheEdge.org or calling triple late.

333-6003 or go to LivingontheEdge.org hapless nurse just tap discipleship just before I come back and talk about some application for you. In today's program.

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333-6003, or if you prefer to give online just go to LivingontheEdge.org hapless nurse tap donate your partnership is a great encouragement as we wrap up today's program. I'd like you to maybe take just a minute and ponder what you've heard when I talked about Nina the strong in the week. The book and how I learned I was desperately insecure and I think I probably had little too much fun teaching this because I was really intimidated by really powerful, wealthy people in it and then I got to her when I saw them, you know, posing and powering up high, had this little funny thing go inside like wow dude is really insecure just like me but it freed me up in your there's some of you that are in workplaces or even family relationships who are dealing with life in such a way and you have this picture that you're the only one that has these fears.

You're the only one that's insecure or you think weakness or insecurity is something that you know is just unique to you and there's something wrong with you instead of there's something wrong with the human race and because of the fall we have been hiding because of the fall. We do have shame and only in a number one Christ is the answer, but I've had the opportunity to take. I cannot tell you how many groups of people through this small group study and one of the thing that just blows my mind. Especially with the 20 and 30-year-olds is when we get to a sober self-assessment and people have this moment that I don't have to pose. I don't have to pretend that the most attractive person in all the world is the person God made me it is a freedom. It is so liberating, so can I encourage you maybe listen to this message again, or maybe go to LivingontheEdge.org/R12 and listen to the Q&A or the brief videos on this particular one. It's absolutely free but this needs to sink from your head to your heart because you know what you get freed up and have a lot more fun in life and just might be a lot more useful to God thanks for that encouragement chip that website again for a deeper dive into the message and this entire series is LivingontheEdge.org/R 12 you'll find the full sermon chips message notes and the frequently asked question section chip just mentioned again that website is LivingontheEdge.org/R and the number 12 over all of us here, this is Dave Drewry saying thanks for listening. This addition of living only a