Love Sex and Lasting Relationships - Sexual Purity in a Sex-Saturated World, Part 2

A number of years ago, a young man came to me and said I want to follow Christ with all my heart but I have a problem. I am not sexually pure in the matter how hard I tried I just can't do it for you.

Help me. I like to share with you today. What I share with him stay with welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with your finger serves as our Bible teacher is interventional discipleship program teacher continues his current series, love, sex, and lasting relationships.

After the teaching trips always with us, more personal thoughts so be sure to stay with us how it's doing for part two of his message sexual purity sex saturated world. Ephesians chapter 5.

This is God's game plan versus walking in love demand sexual purity. Second, sexual purity demands a game plan is for Parsis game plan pull out a pen jotting down number one. Develop convictions, develop convictions, purity requires a personal commitment to the truth. The truth is this walk in love, don't walk in lust. Are you committed to that are not, and is a big difference between a belief in a conviction. Convictions are rooted in God said this God's character is that he's good. He's a son and a shield.

He gives grace and glory. He's not can withhold any good thing I didn't give those boys a bike so they can be frustrated because they just couldn't go out in the five lanes. I gave it to them so they could enjoy it and ride and have fun in the older they got they could go farther and farther and farther and have lots of fun, but there's a difference between believing something in a conviction. A conviction is you do it whether anybody is watching or not, had a conviction as you do it even if you're persecuted for limited your picture I'm going back to Lotta colleges because this is. This was the battle in my life and so I was what's called a resident assistant.

I had my schooling paid for by basketball but you get your room and board some extra money if you were a resident assistant that was a person like you.

You're in a dorm and there's like 30 to 50 guys in the middle floor and you're supposed to build help them kind of traffic good and the bad in you know so West Virginia University sent a bunch of psychologists and counselors to do sensitivity training for all the resident assistants all the dorms and knew all the female and male dorms, and so we we came to school, you know, for five days early had to go through all this training which we were not crazy about and so they would do all the sort of activities to help us get in touch with our feelings and be open and learn to help people in honestly was pretty good. Wacky at times but it's pretty good so they had this one exercise where they wanted you to discover your values. What do you really believe and so they had a long really long a place in a room and everyone lined up in this room against the wall very, very big room, but the hedge.

Everyone screeched in the middle and they said basically, this is zero and over here is 100 points that say I totally agree with that statement and overhear is 100 points.

I totally disagree with it. So it's either plus or you know ops so they asked these questions and so you know, do you believe such and such and so you know some people would be at about a 30 another to be about 100 and people would be all over the place and I'll never forget this question. Do you believe that sex before marriage is okay now in my memory. There's about 71 people in this little section over here is I believe and agree 100% that sex before marriage is okay 68 people are hovered around the 100 mark on the opposite side are two people, Jana and her boyfriend. I happen to know that there over holding hands. Dana Jana we totally disagree that sex before marriage is right 68 people say we limit is a 70s is make love not war. Okay, coed dorms, all crazy so and then so there 68 over there and there's two over there and then here zero and write about one and 1/2 maybe two is the waffling weasel named Chip because now you know if you have asked me if you have asked me privately. Your Christian I hear all yes yes I'm a Christian and Jew believes in sex before marriage but absolutely not. The Bible says not do that. But that's a belief 68 people say it's okay and three of them are girls that I'm interested in the problem is these two. I got a Bible study with on Thursday night so you can say whatever you want, you can develop a conviction.

No one can do that for you convictions don't come from hearing other people talk about God's word conviction comes when you open up Ephesians 5 and you read it over and it says walk in love and you open your heart and you say, God, you know, I want no not want to be honest, okay God I don't want to walk in love.

You know what what I really want to do is have all my sexual fantasies fulfilled and it's all really really about me but I repent of that and I'm sorry and it doesn't work out well so I'm to make a choice even though my feelings are that way I choose to want to walk in love and I'm gonna make it decision and a conviction to be sexually pure in my thinking and my words in my behavior and so it starts with a stake that you drive and it's God speaking to you from his word because you don't do it because of what your friends think David or Dana and Jana. They didn't care what anybody thought the weasel did I have a conviction, and so when you have a conviction those things you think you believe that they will not sustain you when some pops up on the Internet. They will sustain you.

When someone flirts they will sustain you when you're in a rocky part of your marriage and someone gives you some attention at work that they will not sustain you when you're looking for that right person. Well, I don't really believe in this, but we really love each other and empty words develop convictions.

Second, ponder the consequences. Fear can be a legitimate and healthy motivation to delay gratification ponder the consequences.

So first I'm going to develop convictions. I not just believe. I'm convinced this is the right way to live.

Question just little checkmark on your paper or in your mind. Have you developed the conviction and made the decision that you be sexually pure before God about what I'm going to be a lot of tools are practical.

I guarantee they work but if you don't do this one. The rest of it is just blowing smoke so ask yourself, do you have a conviction and I encourage you that before you walk out of one of those doors to drive that stake in the ground you change the course of your life will change the course of your marriage will change who you fine or you do Mary ponder the consequences it says fear can be a healthy legitimate motivator. Notice in verses five or six God's wrath is against those who disobey as a loving father, there's wrath there's anger. There's consequences if I love my kids enough to produce some really negative consequences to help them understand. Don't go to five lines and don't hang out with drug dealers. You think the God of the universe who cares about you and one of most precious gifts he's ever given you is his gift of intimacy and sex in connection and designed to bond you when you violate that. Don't you understand the spiritual consequences you get cut off from your fellowship with him. He had this guilt, your prayers, don't go through you and how much motivation you hang around with other Christians. Your lifestyle begins to there's relational price tags you will use and exploit other people and you carry guilt coming. There's physical issues you may get a disease. I mean if you don't ponder the consequences. You may get someone pregnant you may find yourself getting pregnant and then violate everything you've ever believe and have a private abortion.

You may find yourself having an affair and paying child support to me these are not little deals are they, and they don't just happen to someone else out there. These are real things that happen to people who, with all their heart say I love God and I want to follow God and they do these things.

How do you not do these things. How do you not get hooked on the Internet. I do not find yourself learning how you find yourself keeping your marriage together, you eliminate divorce. You ponder the consequences you think about what would happen if I get. I really get hooked on the stuff what would happen if I keep messing around flirtatiously at work. What would happen if we continue to live together and see you ponder, here's what I encourage you to do. Get your kinda favorite relaxing something to drink. Whether that's you know coffee. The coffee shop or something at home and put your feet up and then actually go through a mental picture and and trying create a movie of what the implications would be like if you fail morally for some of you it's telling your mom and dad that you're pregnant for others it's telling your mate that your hooked on something in you don't how to get out of it and you really want help and you're afraid, for others it's destroying two families in your husband or wife said I'll tell you what, I'll put up with a lot but if you're ever unfaithful you were done and that you sitting in a hotel room with a bunch of stuff in kids that are completely in disarray and can't believe after what you said and how you told us to live you live. This other way type to what we underestimate the fear of God. Okay, see you know I'm gonna be honest with you.

I'm obeying God in this and after my first few years this is been a real high priority for me and I have my struggles like everyone else, but only on I'm guessing I don't know but since is my story. I can make up whatever I want. I'm guessing that on average week. Maybe I'm getting myself located here, maybe 25 to 35% of the reason that I always obey God in these kind of areas is much as you know is it because I just love Jesus so much and I realize what he's done for me and I just I don't want to let him down.

I'm in about 35% of the time it I bet 65% of the time when a huge temptation comes.

I really want to please him, but I'm scared to death not to. I fear him. I fear God, I fear the consequences. I play this little movie out. Here's my movie not been playing this movie for years. My movie is there's a long couch right here and at the very end outgoing order. Eric is the oldest and Jason and Ryan and Annie.

Tresa sits on the and and I pull them all together and I'm shaking and they wonder what's going on and I probably get down on one knee. And they're all here in Tresa's on the end. I say I just need to let you all know that I done something I'm very ashamed of for the last three months I've fallen morally and want to know that everything I've taught everything I've said everything up communicated to you guys about sexual purity. I blew it. I could tell you about how I was tired and how it was vulnerable in all the different reasons but I betrayed your mother and I betrayed you because of the kind of job I have. I want you know I don't have a job now I want you know that because I have a little bit of a profile, it will be in the papers. It'll be in Christianity today you be in some other magazines I want to know.

I will make you an object of ridicule because people will say yeah you this people that didn't believe much in God much. In Jesus, and your dad seem like was a pretty straight shooter for me just like all the rest.

How to buy Jesus by God, and I don't know. I don't know how much damage will do for the whole rest of your life. I don't know if we'll have a relationship at this point I'm praying your mom will forgive me and we can get this thing back together somehow, but she will or not. I've violated her that deeply it's a bad movie and it's a really bad movie. What does your bad movie look like what your bad movie look like because I will tell you what the fear of God is the beginning of knowledge in the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. And to think that there are five lane highways and rules that the creator of the universe is put in place and that you can go play in those or hang out with spiritual drug dealers and it not smashed your life and ruin your life and destroy your life and destroy others, you dream this is it little stuff, sexual purity, there's nothing that aligns more with worship in our sexuality is our sexuality. Our worship has to do with either God or idols. So if you want to be sexually pure.

You develop convictions you say that's why I'm gonna live. I will struggle. I may fail but that's the way I'm gonna live second you ponder the consequences. And third, here's where you get the victory you make pre-decisions advance decision-making is that absolute necessity for sexual purity, pre-decisions. If you wait in the midst of the battle when it comes when the Netflix that you rented and you didn't realize all my lands look where this is going or something late at night comes on, or someone sends a YouTube you God that is pretty good and pretty soon it's it gets graphic for someone flirts with you at the office. If you wait if you're dating someone and it's 130 in the morning and it's late and you his or her apartment or the parents are gone and your semi-laying down watching this movie really engrossed in the movie. I'm sure and no one's around at 130. Defenses are low. You will do what you thought could never happen in this relationship you both love God, you both want to be pure you both major commitments at 130 in the morning laying down watching a movie in a dark room know it's around 80% of all young women never plan to have sex first time in your no different, yet you make a pre-decision.

You have to decide in advance. These are things I won't let my mind these. This is how I will live my life so those things don't get me it's all about pre-decisions it back. Verse seven says were not to be partakers were not to associate with anything that sexually pure in thought right in word or deed, now what what I have before me is a blue sheet of paper.

You can't read it. In fact, if you could probably I would cover it up, but I've made some pre-decisions. I'm going to share my pre-decisions. But here's what you need to hear. These are mine. These are mine.

I'm uniquely made by God being uniquely made by God.

I have some strengths and I have some glaring weaknesses and my strengths will be different than yours and my weaknesses will be different than yours. So this is a set of rules that everyone needs to hear chips in civil this is what I should do know know what you want to hear is you know number 13576 and I think I need those I don't that other one. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but you have to make pre-decisions, but not but I'm thinking if I tell you to make pre-decisions and I don't give you some handles on some ways it might help you. What are the pre-decision for me.

Number one, when someone starts telling a dirty joke.

I played a lot of pickup basketball and hang out with guys that are very, very unchurched and and eight you know they start sharing something that's really lewd if I'm really close with them also to my dude come on man I and because we had a relationship. If I'm in that and they start down that road and I don't really know very well as I hate to see you guys now been working with options.

I want to be the self-righteous little Christian to go now guys don't you understand it's a terrible thing in their loss like they're in darkness I'm looking put myself on them but I'm not sticking around. I predecided it starts I leave pre-decision number two when something comes on the TV, the Internet and it begins it's suggestive pre-decision. I change the channel or turn off now immediately. I am not strong, but neither you there certain things in the Christian life that you fight you fight the enemy but you flee youthful lusts and anything that gives you the desires that young men and young women often have, but stay close to anything and anyone that helps you want to do what's right. That's the living Bible second Timothy 222 and so you know what I've been there and it's not like I never ever slip, but right some comes on, leg, you're really tired anything on my God, she started take her clothes off thicknesses.

This is prime time. This is ridiculous. Children would be and then you have done this then you grab the remote like I wonder how far they can go and then it's like I have the rope because not only this is what you don't really let yourself the time you want the remote because you want to help farther to go, but you also wonder if someone walks in the room. How quickly can you change can and you know what all sexual sin starts very subtly all affairs start very suddenly and you watch is not like all of this guide to what you get off that you just over blowing this thing. You know what it's like.

It's like sexual sin is like someone says no don't go don't go in the water is dangerous in and you walk out you put up your needs. You just you but what's with these people and you notice don't watch this. Don't watch that guy he's asking is on drugs and you say go out this up to your waist and no file exit feels kinda good when you say you not to say what someone says we will try these floating so you lay down and pretty soon you you look up and you have done this in the ocean you get out the water like here and this is sort of where your your campus or lawn chairs whatever and you look up and all my lands or your all way down here we here's what happens with sexual sin that were just friends. You notice it stimulates ethics can help the sexuality our marriage because you know sometimes a struggle on the various blues lots empty words and here's what happens in the current get you and you not this deep and you're not this deep in your full-blown and enters the waterfalls come in and you oh my gosh I could get out of this and you try and swing you done your done. When you wait until the battle you lose me a lot of you already know the stuff you come out of stuff, people with drug problems don't hang out with other people dictate about drugs for 27 years of how you guys doing those lines these days and we did come short ones just come on research alcoholics don't go then I'll tell you what just my room. I live little talk with you not can I get a Diet Coke here like to hang out with you guys for three or four or five hours and countless talk with another shot of tequila. You do pretty girl and went doesn't affect me at all what you get it if you sit there for three hours to same-sex and all the same things that happen in your brain are the saints of pre-decision. Pre-decision is when someone begins to flirt not. I don't think that happens to me a lot, but on occasion, you know, someone begins to flirt the very first pre-decision I told you about my wife Teresa."

Where's my iPhone. You should see my kids message this ring means I'm not for sale. Okay pre-decision, they start to flirt the earth even thinking they're flirting probably do not really for right pre-decision to seek learning structure, ego lot, all sexuality has almost little or nothing to do with sex and has a big thing to do with a woman trying to feel am I desirable. Do I have any worth and a man am I able my still attractive. Can I come through. It's all about you all about me. It's all about ego pre-decision when someone's dressed or let me say not dressed very well may I write a lot airplanes and I'm in a lot of airports in a lot of places and big hotels and you know I can be doing whatever I'm doing to be sitting there and someone walks by. What are you kidding me is me some very, very beautiful beautiful woman is very attractive. That is an amazing figure and I can see almost all of her figure pre-decision. Don't look twice its precision reflect all maybe I should pray for. I need a really good look to know what her needs would be a right. It's a pre-decision.

It's like you know what that look will lead to that thought, that will lead to this time to be in Matthew five with say Lord I'm really sorry I lusted my mom.

These are pre-decisions that take practice but when you're dating someone pre-decision tree today. For me it was not just a believer not just a believer that had high standards and love God more than me but they had a common vision if they don't have that after all the Christian girls I dated forget God gave me Teresa when you going to think how far would you go pre-decision in our relationship, you talk about it when we hold hands, it means this when I put my arm around you means this we kiss on the mouth. It means this. If we do anything beyond that. This is the level of commitment that means.

And these are the boundaries we agree on pre-decide when you have a date. You pre-decide where you gonna go how late will you state what you gonna do. I mean, you're in the stream.

This is awesome.

Okay, it's awesome awesome awesome awesome but is dangerous.

The gift will mess it up when someone else's wife or husband comes to you and the end of the Bible studies saying well you know youths were really going through a rough time in. I know Fred's depressed and you know we just to when trouble our kids are some financial issues and in a person of the opposite sex begins to share their dissatisfaction with their mate and what's going on and and and and and it's real is not even the sexual side of you is the part of you that wants to help, and if something really weird about him helping this person and I'm listening in and they think he just seems so appreciative. The moment that happens I was pre-decision while you know something.

It sounds like you really need to talk to another woman that could help you because being a man. I don't really understand that stuff 90% of all affairs.

Do not start because someone gets up one day goes you know really walk with God really carefully for about 22 years and three kids pretty good job wife loves me.

I love her again little weight she's gained little weight is not quite what I like to be as Thursday. I never had an affair ethics to be good day for you have heard about this people with addictions and how it works in your brain a lot like cocaine and this and that and I would never want long term but it's Saturday morning. I think I'll log on the Internet and sort of tightened all Google XXX and see if anything comes up you'll just watch two or 3456.

Of these, and I think will have seven days of hard-core porn to see if it really affects me, it sure does.

No one does that. No one does that okay when you end up in the ditch. You never planned to go there so you make pre-decisions. What are years. What should they be where you're at in your season so look love demand sexual purity sexual purity demands a game plan against game plan you to start with them to develop convictions. In fact, drive a stake today. I'm gonna ponder the consequences of the evil and the bad.

My hurt and hurting others. I'm gonna make pre-decisions and this last one is crucial get accountability asking others to help you keep your commitments to God will empower your to walk in a way that it says in verse 11.

Pleasing to the Lord elders in the church we weep.

Once a once a month we we pray early and have some sharing time we went around the room, accountability, and the three questions were how is your thought life. With regard to purity, where and how are you doing in your marriage and how is your personal time and walk with God. I have a friend as a board member and friend of 30 some years and this was a number of months ago we sat down, I can tell him anything he can tell me anything when I'm really struggling. I call him or two or three other bodies and I'm really close to me that this crazy little card.

Have you watched anything in the last 30 days, that would be displeasing to God.

Have you am he goes to these questions that are just like enemy. They would be offensive if I hadn't asked him would you help me keep my commitments to God because were all have some level of denial were all liars, which is his last question, yes, the six questions they're just penetrating him. He had you lusted have you done this to be done that the last question is have you lied to me in any of the above six questions do you have someone in your life. What does AA teachers. Why do you have to have a personal trainer took to lose weight for some of you, why do you need a buddy you're a gal to walk with to do it consistently. We all need people encourage one another, day after day, lest anyone of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. A court of three is not easily broken. Get accountability tell them. I made a conviction to be spiritually and sexually pure. I made these pre-decisions. These are mine. What are years, could we meet even if it's by phone once a week and be straight with one another, God will deliver you. Finally, as you turn to the back page. It's the reward sexual purities payoff. I want you to add two words, sexual purities, payoff, write the words is awesome is awesome. One couples journey.

I just want to say God's way works. Some of you you're here and have been around very long in your thinking, well, you know easy for a pastor to say I grew up as a Christian. My wife was married before I played competitive college basketball and then overseas and everything that I've told you about is not how I lived up until I was introduced to God's word and even the first couple, three years after I was introduced.

It was not easy I've done tons of things wrong. God is been very gracious to limit the consequences. But he gave us a fresh start and then I want to tell you you ride that bike around the place that he wants you to ride that bike and everything is great. It really does work and is never too late. That's the second point you can start today. It's never too late. You can repent today, you can decide you to move out from the relationship or your living together, you can break the sexual addiction you can stop flirting woman caught in adultery. What's Jesus attitude to asked us sexual sinners. What you say to that woman. Neither do I condemn you in our cultures real big on the first half.

Therefore go and some of you that's his word.

That's Jesus to you. That's all you really need to hear. I don't condemn you go and sin no more say will help develop convictions upon the consequences right mix in pre-decisions and get accountability and by the way, you gotta be in God's word. There's power in this truth that you renew your mind. It's never too late. It wasn't too late for David King of Israel, adultery it wasn't to work too late for Rahab wasn't too late for Augustine. Augustine was a sexual pervert before he came to Christ and shape the church's own testimony was the wildness of the lust as a young man. Nothing is new. It's never never too late and finally a word to virgins. Yes, there are virgins in the world, even in the church and here's what it is you're not weird your wife do not weird your wife.

I was teaching.

On a related topic and an kinda gave a similar talk. Many years ago and and a young man came in he was a learned later is 28, 29 years old and you know look like serve the professional guy in the came up and I said Secunda caucus will sure sitting over here who okay okay so we overhear hey said I'm 28 whatever and I'm a doctor and the what you shared is how I was taught and how I've lived in Yunnan. You know what it's like to be like 28, 29 years old, praying, living up your life waiting for. I just feel weird but I just I just I just feel like I'm in, I'm so made to feel like I'm out of touch with the real world what's really going on. So this really help me that I said to tell you I feel weird I never put my hand on her shoulder as a dude you are not weird. You are wise when everyone else is going through all that stuff when I have to go to marriage counseling like I did as we had to work the overstuffed made you to be the one splines behind. Are you ready to step on step in his quick reminder this message sexual purity six saturated world is from his series, love, sex, and lasting relationships in these messages strictures the candid truth about romance sex the way God designed it and true love because we long to love and be loved. This series will help you discover God's way to make a good match grow in intimacy and build a love that lasts a lifetime for a limited time, resources for love, sex, and lasting relationships are discounted of the MP3s are always free to order your copy or to send it to a friend visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org or tap special offers on the app for additional information. Just give us a call a triple late. 333-6003 will ship as we near the end of the series.

You were so passionate about helping young people have godly relationships that were doing something pretty radical.

Would you take just a minute and talk about how her making this series available to leaders of middle school by school and college age young people absolutely day for doing something a little bit crazy if you're the leader of a high school group, a middle school group, a college small group and you would say to us.

I will take my group. Through this we will give you up to 10 study guides absolutely free with the video that you can stream my heart breaks when I see so many godly young people get involved in the kind of relationships that go south and destroy the relationship with Christ were going to do what ever we can to help you and those you love in your junior high, high school or college ministry you contact us you commit to do it on the honor system and we will give you up to 10 study guides in the video absolutely free. No, I want you to know this offer only last for three days so if you thinking this is a good idea need to get on it right now. Okay great offer. Let me give it to you one more time if you're a leader of middle school, high school or college age youth you commit to taking your group through the series, love, sex, and lasting relationships will send you up to 10 free study guides with video streaming, but it's only good while supplies last. Over the next three days so we hope you'll get in touch today. Let us help you get this content into the hearts and minds of the kids you care about. For all the details, visit us online at http://livingontheedge.org tap special offers on the app or give us a call at triple late.

333-6003 will chip in your teaching today. You're pretty bold about this controversial topic of sexual purity and a lot of people listening more to be sexually pure, but it's tough. You covered so much so fast. Could you just briefly go over your three main points again force, I'd be glad to Dave first, you have to have a game plan right. You just have to have a plan that I'm going to attack this and this is what I'm going to do purity requires a commitment to the truth. Second, you have to ponder the consequences.

I talked about literally picturing my kids on the couch and telling them the story of my moral failure in an and really me thinking through all the consequences of reputation and finances and dishonoring God. And there's something about that.

They create some good healthy fear of the third thing and I think this is so key is free decisions or advanced decision-making. You know, it's like you don't ask alcoholic to walk into a bar and say know what you want to do is stop drinking here or someone struggling with drugs or someone who has a sexual addiction to say now what it what I want to do is log on and then see if you can stop free decisions are the key to victory.

And so for me I I've just made some pretty decisions that I shared in the teaching about what I will watch often there's things that spur our mind that create an appetite for immorality. So I have to put good things in my mind and and there's just certain movies and certain things that I will not even watch a secondly is when I will be alone with the person of the opposite sex. Third, there are some guys there certain relationships that their life and what they do and when everyone quote goes drinking does this or that you know what's gonna happen and so you make these pre-decisions about where you will go.

What you will do your friends will be what you watch, you have a pre-decision with your girlfriend about when you're going to go home that you won't be alone watching the movie at 2 AM on the couch downstairs. I got news for you. I don't care how strong your will is at 2 AM and you're attracted to this wonderful girl or guy. Not good.

Things are gonna happen treaty side and then you need accountability you need. Some people that you get to be honest with were all going to struggle you have times where we fail, but that's all part of the game plan and we want to help you. Just before we wrap up if you heard the offer earlier in the program you know are in the process of providing free study guides to every youth leader who agrees to take the group of middle high school or college students through the series, love, sex, and lasting relationships with those resources don't come at no cost. If you believe in the mission of Living on the Edge helping Christians live like Christians becoming a financial partner would be a great way to be on mission with us, you could be part of helping those leaders get the truth of God's design for relationships to as many young people as possible.

We'd love to have you join us to send a gift or become a monthly partner. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org tap donate all me up or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003, let me thank you in advance for whatever the Lord leads you to do well for Chip and everyone here, this is Dave saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge