Resilient - It's Emotional, Part 1

Emotions are great are they, I mean, when you're in love. They just take over everything is awesome.

But there's also a dark side to emotions and we know that anger, depression and anxiety are at an all-time high right now. How do you master so they don't mastery. That's today welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge survey group living only is teaching a discipleship ministry dedicated to helping Christians really live Christian this program.

She continues her series called resilient standing. The storms of if you've ever had anger messages shed a lot of light on how to get anger against what might be helpful just to get started. Do a quick download of his message notes for this one.

He's got a lot of Philip as outlined and all the Scripture references. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org in the broadcast to get those before we jump Listeners to fill in notes and reset. If you have a Bible. Handy open another James chapter 1.

Let's join Chip Bell for his message is emotional. Well, I have to tell you as we begin part two of this series on resilient just a joy to be with you all and of course anytime I get to partner with my son and do a series it brings you great joy to his dad and just by way of reminder, let's get definition because I can't think of anything more important right now. After what we've been through and what were going through personally and as a nation.

I just can't think of anything more important than disability to bounce back to respond to difficult times by when definition of resilience is the ability to withstand and recover quickly from difficult conditions is basically that ability to bend and not break its bouncing back after loss of financial loss of job loss may be a major disappointment in the research indicates that resiliency is actually the best future predictor of future success. So one of the great things we can do is model resiliency. We don't get stuck go through hard times were all have difficulties and disappointments, pain losses, relationally, financially, vocationally, that's life were talking now about how you bounce back. Brian spoke and told us that one of the dangers to being resilient or literally not being resilient is when we been through difficult, painful times were more vulnerable to temptation than ever.

As we talked about where temptation comes from and how to respond to temptation in James chapter 1 verses 13 through 18 and now I want to talk about is how are we going to respond to emotions when we are disappointed discouraged when we experience injustice when were vulnerable when were hurting were tempted to take shortcuts were tempted to get angry and one of the things that can happen is if we don't have a handle on her emotions, everything can blow up when life's not fair. When we have a block goal. We feel like someone's attacking us or just when the sheer fatigue and stress and difficulty of what's happening in our lives.

That's when we can be very very careful and that's why I want to talk about its emotional I want to ask you question what do you do with those emotions inside of you. What you do specifically with your anger. What kind of relationship you have with anger.

The fact the matter is, is anger at its best protects that anger at its worse poisons your relationship. Listen carefully with anger will either make or break you in the middle of a crisis like were living with today and what's exciting to me is God gives us very clear direction about how to respond to our anchor. It doesn't surprise me that, as James is writing to these Jewish Christians who are literally fleeing persecution. They left Homestead left businesses under financial pressure and their wondering what you do. How do you walk with Christ in the midst of a world literally is falling apart and after he talks about considering it all joy in the gotta give you wisdom and and having a divine perspective that he talks about temptation.

And then he says my dear brothers, verse 19 and sisters take none of this, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which is able to save you in the idea safe. Here is not so much our salvation, but will deliver you the word of God implanted in you can deliver you from the kind of anger that destroys relationships that ruined your life that causes you to make a decision or to say something, but for the rest of your life you will regret save all why did I do now, lest you think that all anger is bad. Let me give you a couple definitions of anger. The first one is one that I came up with with Dr. Rebecca Johnson. I actually had the chance many many years ago as I was teaching through the book of James and I hit this little section on anger and because my background in undergraduate and graduate schools in psychology and because I pastored for quite a while. I knew this is a big issue and so rather than just sort of zooming on through. I got to this passage right here and I kinda press the pause button and I took a little cul-de-sac and and I talked about overcoming emotions to destroy you, and that Dr. Rebecca Johnson was a psychologist in our author with inter-varsity and as she heard the message she said you know that would that would make a really good book she had written a book on good guilt and bad guilt, and so we teamed up together and it came about called overcoming emotions. It destroyed and she really helped me and here's the definition of anger that we came up with anger is neither a good or bad. Emotion is a charged morally neutral emotional response of protective preservation. Let me say that again anger is neither good or bad.

It is a charged morally neutral emotional response of protective preservation. In other words, there's times where a small child is being hurt or there's injustice that causes you to get so angry that you respond and do something good that's a good sign of anger. But it's also a emotionally charged emotion that can bring great destruction.

I love Gary Chapman describes it this way, anger is the emotion that arises whenever we encounter what we perceive to be wrong.

Emotional, physiological and cognitive dimensions of anger leap to the front burner of our experience when we encounter injustice and I like to think of anger is word picture is like a wild stallion when I was a little boy I would visit my grandmother and you know grown-ups will go and they would talk in the house and on this particular occasion of my grandmother said were boarding a horse for someone she had kind of a farm like area and then there was a fence and it went like straight up the sill and she says whatever you do, that is a wild horse. It was a palomino was a huge horse like 15 hands, and she says do not go near the horse well with my personality that was like say there's really something fun that you get to do. So I get my two sisters to go out there with me and we feeding the little bit and getting close to the fence and and I kinda figure out how to get the bridle and in my sister's pet his nose and and I get in there I've never put a saddle on animal in my life and I figure out how to get that sat on top of him and and then I cinching up the best I can.

I'm I meet my little M like 11 years old. I have no idea what I'm doing can barely let the saddle and like a foolish young child I get on that horse and my favorite shows back in the day. Remember all those westerns you know I'm really dating myself here, but the Lone Ranger wagon train. You know, sugar foot. Some of you are nodding in some of your boy, what is he talking about well-established this course. It's about a 45° angle up this hill about oh 300 yards. This horse turns and runs on a dead run straight up that hill and I'm holding onto you know that I don't know what to call the little hand on front of the right and I'm going and going and going and going.

I think this is awesome this is awesome. I'm so excited. I felt like one of those real cowboys and then he stopped and then he turned around and then he came straight down the same speed and I got about halfway down and I thought, he's knocking to stop him to get killed and about near the fence you know the 4050 yards I'm gonna hit that Manson might sisters going your waving. There are like stop stop so I jump off the horse and I kinda Roland and they get the horse and here's what I learned, anger is a lot like that horse. There, it's powerful and strong and under control and tamed. It's a great resource, but when it's out of control and wild. I'm telling you that it can kill you and kill others and so well want to talk about in terms of accomplishing resilience is I want to help you tame the anger and it's interesting that right in this passage, he tells us, step one, two and three about how to tame our anger at the umbilical prescription of taming the wild stallion of anger that's in all of us and before I go on, having taught this a couple times. There's some of you that I can hear in the back of your mind over other really want to listen to this.

I don't have an anger problem and I don't blow up. I don't yell I don't scream I don't have an anger problem and what I would suggest to you is that anger wears many masks. I don't have time to develop them fully, but just so that you get to participate with this.

There's three major ways that people express their anger. Some people are what I call spew worse. You know them there. The people that we think have anger issues right they yell they screen they can be violent. I mean they power up you know when they're mad you say are you and your eye mad and you better do what I say. They can be even physically violent and what we know is you better stay away from them. Their anger is explosive and they spew it out.

The second group is what I call stuffers. These are some of you would say I don't have an anger problem. What you do is when you see injustice or when you have those angry feelings you stuff them down inside.

It produces inner bitterness and you keep score. You have resentment you can be calm. You can be cool. You actually can withdrawal become rigid and sullen you Barry things owe me.

I'm not angry. I don't have a problem. 90 to 95% of all depression, researchers tell us, are caused by anger turned inward and so what I had to say is really important to you. If you're not a yell or a blame or a screamer and exploder, but your stuffer you got an anger issue. The third area is what I call leakers. The psychologist call them passive aggressive. These are people that take their anger and they don't want to confront and they don't enter their little bit like the stuffer they stuff it take the anger to a safe different playing field. If you will. Maybe they get hurt over here on the baseball diamond. You know, metaphorically, so they taken over to the dugout and this is the kind of people that in their anger they can be critical sarcastic withdraw and some of it is absolutely the subconscious you know if they really know that you are very prompt person.

These are the kind of people that can be late.

Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot and their sincere what they've done is they've stored up anger and extort a presentment or are these sarcasm is a big sign that they don't want to confront you with something so don't make a joke about something where they really want to say you did that or you were wrong or why don't you shape up.

But the moment you respond. I'm just getting right I'm just kidding that they can forget they can avoid things that cannot show up so I would tell you that we did a little survey Living on the Edge when we did the overcoming emotions series and and here's what we failed as this is not scientific but but I think it's fairly accurate about 35% of the thousand to 1500 people that responded said we are skewers about 28% said we are stuffers and about 38% said were leakers, which I think really says something because as many of us as Christians, we learned that anger is wrong we learn. If you're ever wrong that's a bad thing.

You know that's that's like sin.

And so what we we learn to stuff it or we learn to leak it and what God would say is anger is discharged emotional response to injustice, real or perceived. When it's real acting on it appropriately as a very godly thing to do. The word laugh or anger the wrath of God is toward injustice or sin when it's perceived, but it's inappropriate. We can hurt people and hurt ourselves and so all I want to say is, as you hear God's plan for resolving anger is three steps. I just want you know that it probably applies to all this, not just some of us so step number one with a sick be quick to hear the word literally means eagerness to listen or learn is like. Keep your mouth shut.

You know, just be open. Listen don't respond, don't react. It's our immediate response to God and other circumstances and are anger listen carefully to be a receptive listener. Not a reactionary responder you have to go to training for this I mean so many of us and you know guilty as charged. When something happens. My mouth opens and I just have had to go into training to say don't spew. Don't stuff don't leak it. See, the key question is what is this anger telling me what's going on inside and little bit later will it explore there's three basic reasons why we get angry. I'm going to give you a very practical tool about how to address those issues is what you want to be you want to be resilient.

You don't want to find yourself moaning and angry and disappointed in you to watch the news and be angry forever and ever.

You can adjust talk about injustice and not do anything to be angry forever and ever meet. We are God's people with for the salt of the earth with the light we need to be able to bounce back from our own stuff and we need to overcome temptation for sure.

But we also need to handle our emotions. Step two is not just be quick to listen. Notice is slow to speak, wisest man of the world said these words. Proverbs chapter 10, Solomon said, when words are many sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise and Proverbs 13 three. He says he who guards his lips guards is light but the one who speaks rashly will come to ruin in a Proverbs 29 verse 20 he says you see a man who speaks in haste.

There is more hope for a fool than him.

What I want to tell you is the interim response to God and others and circumstances with her anger is to think before we speak.

I may ask you, have you ever said anything that you wish you could take back. Have you ever done something you regret when you were angry. Have you ever made a bad decision because you were so ticked off you know said something stupid like you can take this job and shove it and then you go home and you tell your wife you tell your husband can't tell you this is what happened and I'm sick of it and I quit today and after about 24 hours, you think I don't have a job or maybe you really got that up with someone and you blew up. Adam and as your anger cost you a relationship, friendship, a marriage is there a son or a daughter apparent that you don't you don't talk to anymore. They don't talk to you because anger got in the way. All I know is learning to think before we speak is absolutely critical on some real practical ways.

Having some of these are really old school but they work for some of you especially if you are spew or count to 10 or fewer real spirit count to 28 have issues count to 25 all you want to do this you have to buy some time.

The emotions they literally go from down in your gut up in your heart and your head and you're ready to explode. And when you have that feeling just a mean one to three for right or walk away. I mean, I had to learn early in my marriage when I got really really angry.

I just at times I put my hands in and it was my issue was of my life and what honey I'll be back just a few. I just need to take a little walk someone thinking straight. I knew I would say something or say it in a way it was going to be totally unhelpful for those of you that are in meetings and or in a situation where you can't walk away trying biting your lip just really just said is off. You know what, I can't say something until the spirit of God is back in control and my anger and my emotion is not going to drive me, so be quick to listen, slow to speak and then slow to anger, Solomon would write in Ecclesiastes. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit for anger resides in the lap. What he saying here is that really bad decisions really unwise choices of relationships get violated and destroy because of just a quick reminder, this message is from our series called resilient standing. The storms of life. Navigating life's storms is never easy, but as believers in Christ, God gives us the resources we need to keep standing strong. No matter what comes our way, trips, teaching provides a fresh perspective from James chapter 1 on not only how to do it, but how to do it well, and bless others along the way for a limited time, the resources for resilient are discounted and the MP3s are always free to order your copy or to send it to a friend visit us@livingontheedge.org Special offers on the app or give us a call at triple late. 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003. I'll be right back with some thoughts about today's message but before I do I know a lot of people pray and support the ministry because you hear of exciting new things were doing, whether it's in China or the Middle East are working with pastors but I like you to consider something else. The Bible is very clear that where you are spiritually ministered to. There's a moral responsibility to financially support that's not me that's the apostle Paul and you know there's about a million people every week that are hearing God's word about 3 million that are in small groups and God is using the teaching ministry of Living on the Edge to help Christians grow in Christ likeness and that changes families and communities. If you're one of those people would you pray about getting back if indeed Living on the Edge is ministering to you and helping you grow spiritually just a principle that thinks very important. Would you pray about it and do whatever God chose you to do if you're already a financial partner. Thank you.

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Your partnership is greatly appreciated. Well here's chip with this application. As we wrap up today's program. Let me ask you question because I'm sure that as you were listening in your mind you were thinking LME CMIS viewer a stuffer or leaker and then for some you say, gosh I do all three. Right most of us have a tendency most of us tend to either you know, we blurted out, or it's very situational. It's interesting people where we feel like were more powerful than them. We tend to spew with people that we feel are more powerful than us.

We tend to leak right because we don't really want the conflict but you know we really want to pay people back. Here's what I can tell you. Anger is one of the most powerful emotions that God has given us. It can be used for good while. Can it really do some damage so you number one need to grasp and understand what is your tenancy with anger right do you spew you blow up on people and if so there's some tools some practices number two. Are you a stuffer and you pretty down push down push down what I can tell you is you struggle with depression and you need to learn how to identify what you're angry about. Become aware and deal with that or third or you will leaker you passive-aggressive. Are you the joker that you're the person who's, you know, telling sort of the little comments the little digs that are getting back to people but then you can always go back out. No, no, I was just kidding these kind of things will destroy your relationships. But here's what I want to tell you. Anger is a secondary emotion and were gonna learn a lot more about this in our next broadcast.

It tells you that something is wrong under the hood if you will, is like a red light on the dashboard. You don't want to miss our next broadcast as we learn how to get anger to actually work for you. Just before we close, would you stop for a minute and pray for Living on the Edge we've never seen a greater need for God's truth to go out right now and by God's grace Living on the Edge is been able to provide encouragement, teaching, and personal discipleship resources to more people than ever before.

So thank you to those who support us with your prayers. God is doing amazing things will until next time, have all of us are saying thanks for listening to this edition of living all the