Spiritual Simplicity - Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Part 1

Do you long to be loved just for being you.

I mean, apart from how you look or what you do work. How much money have you long for people just to see you and know you would really love you. I got news for you.

That's true of all of us, but there's a danger we tend to look for love all the wrong places today, we learn how to avoid that statement. Thanks for joining us for this Edition of Living on the Edge Chip Ingram trips are Bible teacher of his daily international discipleship program.

I'm very very danger continues a series of simplicity doing less loving more in the middle of the series. So if you missed any of the previous programs.

We suggest downloading the chipping roadmap will have free access to messages anytime you have a Bible. Handy open it now to first Corinthians chapter 13 let's join Chip part one of his message looking for love in all the wrong places. I think there's three things that are true of every person on this planet. Number one, we all fail disc. I mean even you can help me you can call it mess up below it missed the mark by mean every single person every week fails. Number two.

We all have legitimate desires and needs that are God ordained that we pursue liming legitimate desires to be significant to be loved, to give love to be secure, to have purpose that our lives would have an impact. We just we just have legitimate God-given desires and needs that God wants us to pursue third fact in a fallen world. Our failures are often an attempt to obtain good things in a bad way. I want to let that one sink in.

Sometimes when we fail, we were covered with shame and sometimes we fail we get down on ourselves or if you're like me you try and at least blame someone else for a while and study yourself. But what would happen if you could begin to see that some of the patterns in your life in some of the patterns in my life where you fail where you mess up where there's breakdown of relationships where there's break down your relationship with God where you feel terrible and you know you blown it. What if you begin to understand that you were really looking for something good.

There was a God ordained need or desire. But you went about finding it in the wrong way that would begin to give you some new light to deal with that failure in this book written to the Corinthians apostle Paul outlines a number of ways that they did it and we do it as well.

I highlighted a few we seek acceptance and belonging. That's a good thing right by forming cliques and criticizing and excluding others that causes division. That's a bad thing that happened in chapter 3 we see connection and intimacy through illicit sex, pornography, and emotional affairs to destroy marriages and ruin families that happens today. That happened in chapter 5, we seek security in significance and destroy relationships by our greed that happened to this group. In chapter 6. We seek to protect God's holiness obviously good thing, but by misguided league judging others motives and differences resulting disunity and broken relationships.

It's a bad thing that happened in chapter 8, we seek legitimate godly pleasures with no consideration for those who are weaker in faith and we allow our freedom to destroy their relationship with Christ.

That's a bad thing, but the legitimate pleasures got nothing wrong with those.

It reminded me of an old song so many times our greatest failures are attempts to look for love in all the wrong places looking for love in all the wrong places is a high like a towing looking for love and so many faces and looking for love. I'll never make this country you listen to the lyrics of that song that Johnny Lee story. That song is very interesting. He said it described his life, his life was totally messed up. But his desire was for a good thing he really wanted to be loved and be connected and have intimacy in life and purpose. He went about it in ways that destroyed his relationship with himself. He hurt other people and certainly violated more than a handful of God's commands.

Here's what you need to understand when you try to find good things in a bad way, you will hurt other people, you will hurt yourself and you'll miss God's best. So we talked about how we learn to really love in real time, not a theory not come to church and gotta love Maury ought to be more kind.

But how specifically so the apostle Paul writing to the group much like I think high capacity, high gifts strategically located and so what we learn is in situation number one. How does love respond to hurt and inverses from verse four it said love is patient, love is kind.

That was the truth, but in the practice was when you are hurt or wounded or rejected or ignored. Love absorbs the below member.

The pillow and returns a hug. So let me ask you that anybody and I'm speaking mostly the person is sitting in your seat have an opportunity to be hurt, wounded, rejected someone just you just a little and you said I couldn't diss them back or I could, you know what I'm can absorb the blow I'm gonna respond in a positive way so as you begin to practice that you what that's called local love that's loving people the way Jesus loves people. The second situation is how do we respond to differences.

There's all kind of differences love doesn't envy doesn't post it's not rude is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs and set the practices.

Love celebrates differences member the that the principle of love refuses to compare it refuses to compare upward, and feel and think it refuses to compare downward and be arrogant.

When you begin to practice that you eliminate envy you eliminate arrogance and you start loving people the way Jesus loves the third situation is today were to talk about how does love respond to failure coming week.

We agreed that we all fail and that means that the people closest to you, whether it's a roommate or whether it's a wife or a husband or son or a daughter or a mom or dad or people at work are people in a small group of people in your neighborhood very fail you to get a lot a chance to respond to other people's failures and as you listen to this know that this is how were to respond to other people's failures to be loving to maximize love, but in the back of your mind what you remember, this is exactly how God responds to your failure. Everything will cover.

This is how the heart of the living creator of the universe response to your failure because the more you can get it vertically, the more you'll begin to be able to give it horizontally and so the truth is love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, it always trust it always hopes, always perseveres.

Summary love never fails. So the practices love response to failure with truth and grace underline your notes truth and underline the word grace, love, real love demands, truth, love and truth are inseparable.

If there is quote you think you have loved but there's no truth.

It's just mushy sentimentalism.

It's just gushy feelings and we in the come to believe because of media and can know all the books and all the romance novels. We think a lot is just this gooey GUI feeling that work connected me, we may be in complete denial, but I feel good about you and you feel good about me and so we must be loving know.

Maybe you're just on drugs unit having a good feeling about another person when there is major issues that are unaddressed when there's behaviors and addictions and issues that are bringing about fallout when you're doing things to one another that's destroying long-term relationship that's not love having a good feeling about someone is a nice thing biblical love demands truth that says love doesn't rejoice or find joy or satisfaction in evil things that are unrighteous things that are wrong things. Things that are the opposite of the way God wants people to live, but it delights in and finds great joy in the truth love refuses to find joy in another sin, misfortune or dysfunction or pain.

I jotted a note to myself. We have a perverted attraction a perverted attraction to the misfortune addictions and problems of others. I don't know, guess it's just been falling. But we like to watch other people mess up. We like to hear about how badly they mess up. We like to watch and listen. In view people making fools of themselves and then laugh on our couches as they do it.

It's called reality TV hunting. Think of this. We all live in this house.

She hates him. She her tears she heard, he does not, and then the camera comes latte.

I think she's a and I don't think she ever did a Michael kick out of this housing and you I mean it's just like when he is not like stories of we would like to bring you exciting story of a major star who is now done amazing things for the inner-city children and those are helping orphans in Africa. I mean, for every one of those you get 100 Lindsay's in jail again will she get out to know did you see soon as I mean it's just a proliferation of evil and misfortune and addiction and pain and very subtly you're filling your mind with it and is the culture and is the absolute opposite of love when I'm finding delight in things that violate what brings health and life and restoration. I'm setting myself up for dysfunctional, painful, negative relationships, love doesn't rejoice in evil effect. I mean, think about this is really fun to see that movie yeah everybody got blown up in slow mode the template will that was a great movie yeah the sanctity of life and the value of human life is the highest thing the Scripture and the God who created life esteems we trivialize it with our thumbs killing imaginary people over and over and over and over again until when real ones die we get anesthetized to the impact love rejoices truth real love's response always has truth and grace. If it's all truth and no grace. It's a rigid legalistic self righteousness if it's all grace and no truth.

It's just mushy sentimental emotionalism. And so, after giving a sort of the overarching principle that love demands truth and rejoices in truth and not evil that is going to give us four specific ways to respond to the failures of one another is to get for clear words that say when someone you love that lives under your roof or is a close friend or you work with when they fail because they will fail. This is how you respond if you love them. Are you ready he's going to talk to us about bearing all things, believing all things. Hoping all things and is gonna talk about how we endure all things, bears all things, the word occurs four times in New Testament literally means you can charting your notes to cover means to suffer forbear is to protect by covering something to cover something with silence it has the idea of keeping a confidence to high listen to hide or conceal the errors and faults of others know this doesn't mean you bury it. This doesn't mean you're in denial but here's the issue we all long for someone to love me enough to cut to the core to expose the fault.

The weakness of the sin and help me deal with it and grow from it and then after dealing with it. In truth, provide grace and allow me to grow and help me take the next step and then they cover it and they don't exploit me and they don't pass it on.

And if you're married or your parent. You don't joke about it later.

It's hovered, it's gone. It's not broadcast you bear with them. You face it you deal with it. You love them and then you cover it negatively. When I delight in passing on the faults of another. When I seek to feel important because I have inside information or feel powerful or superior because someone else's sand and I love to tell other people or just pass on little email that says you know, did you, are you aware of, often in the form of prayer request. Listen carefully that is not loving love bears all things, Jesus pictures this very clearly member the woman caught in adultery. They're trying to trap Jesus and the law talks about adultery. You be stoned and it wasn't practiced very often, so they're thinking we can get them on the hotspots over here we found this woman caught the very act and they drag her out of the house and made flopper right in front of Jesus. Okay what you know that we caught in the very adultery and Jesus as her talking. He goes over and starts to gonna write in the dirt you the text doesn't say what he writes but I think know this is the Chip Ingram theory not to be confused at all with fact I think he wrote in the sand where is the man? See if you really concerned about the law. If you are concerned about righteousness you wouldn't have brought one person caught in adultery. Last time I heard sex usually takes to so where are both of them and by doing that he expose their hypocrisy. And so then he says whoever has never sent. Say what you you pick up the stones and you start the older people wiser realize they've been exposed and they leave and one by one, everyone leaves. And here's a woman, he says there's no one condemned you know Lord, neither do I go and sin no more. Did he act like it was an issue. Did he say the sin was an important the sin was dealt with and then he covered it, who in your relational world needs you to help them deal with the failure and then cover it. Who needs to not here ever again in your family jokes or sarcasm or little innuendos about a fault that occurs on a regular basis and instead I love you I'm with you. Let's deal with this and I'm to cover I don't talk about it to my friends. I won't bring it up to you.

I'm going to cover. That's how you respond in love to people's failures. The second way respond is believing all things, the word believe New Testament is 239 times. It has the idea to to believe or to entrust to commit. As the idea of two credit or have confidence in another person. It's it's not naïve it's not that you believe are your gullible and whatever someone says oh I believe you know whatever you say when you live 44 times, but I believe anyone on this is a belief that is discerning, insightful, but is not suspicious and judgmental and it doesn't assume the worst of the picture for me that what this means is when you hear something about someone or you observe a circumstance and maybe the circumstances, look a little negative but you don't know for sure you believe or assume the best you in your mind make a willful choice and you see the circumstance you hear this about a person, any site that sure doesn't seem to be the kind of person I know. But someone said here. She did this or here she was with someone or key then what you do is you step back and love says I'm going to create in my minds eye.

The best explanation for this. That puts this person in a positive light, because I don't know all the issues I was in a pretty important meeting in person was supposed to be there that that works with me and so everyone's around the table and the agenda was starting and someone said were sewn so I don't know what was he supposed to be here will yeah and you know so you know where your mind can go guy Simmons blown out. This meeting is delayed to the unit.

All I remember just have this passage. My mind and a member just willfully gone. You know what what the character of this man I know is get a flat tire.

Maybe his wife is sick.

Maybe one of his kids have an issue. Maybe God showed him something that is way more important in this meeting and he's doing that and obeying God instead of being here. You see, is it you create a scenario that puts them in the best light, and what happens, especially if your parent or if you get a roommate once they do this once and they do it twice and they do three times when they do anything near that we start believing. Don't ever change.

She's doing the same old thing all man I can't believe it instead of wallowing second. Don't assume the worst. Love believes the best and then you check it out. You deal with it. The practices every one needs someone who will believe in them. Everyone needs someone who says you know that fault that send that weakness that circumstance, it can't define you. You are God's child, your valued your loved your gifted, and I believe okay you really messed up. All right, we understand that, but I believe in you snapshot from Jesus life's in the hot part of the day it's a part when everyone's taken little siesta. The righteous women of come out early in the cool of the day, but is John chapter 4, and here's a woman in the hot part of the day getting water is because she's an immoral woman and she's rejected by society, and she's been looking for love in all the wrong places, and Jesus is there any ask for a drink and she can't believe that a Jew would ask a woman or a Jew would ask someone from her Samaritan background and I get to this conversation and so Jesus loving people always is truth and grace and so he says so where is your husband, and she has well I don't have a husband, which was honest because she's living with this guy she's had five husbands, and Jesus informs her that he knows that and she goes well you must be a prophet and they get into this conversation about life in the meaning and and and how do you satisfy your soul. She was desperately trying to satisfy her soul in man after man after man in illicit sex wasn't delivering and Jesus knew that she was trying to get a good thing and a bad boy and he wanted to give her life.

As we talked about a heavenly father that pursues people, even immoral people even failure people, even people of the really big and bad things over long period of time and she discovers someone cares and believes in her and here's a woman that didn't want to be seen, and she ends up going back into the town say someone who knows everything about me.

I think he's the Messiah and she leaves an entire town and hundreds of people come to Christ because someone believed that her past could not mark her future forever trip will be right back with his application just joining us, you're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and chip stock today looking for love in all the wrong places is from his series, spiritual simplicity, doing less loving more spiritual simplicity challenges.

The norms were pressured to assume are healthy and it reveals the reasons behind our complaints that there's never enough time for ourselves for the people we love.

For even God.

Spiritual simplicity paves the way to living a simpler, wiser, more connected life that something you'd like to learn more about the find the discounted spiritual simplicity resources on our website LivingontheEdge.org for more information just give us a call at 1-888-333-6003 spiritual simplicity doing less loving more.

Now here's chip with a quick update. Well, for those who listen regularly, Dave. They've heard a lot about the major match and it heard about our vision, the part about our mission. I just want to pause today to say thank you. It'll be a little while before we pull all the numbers together, but I have to tell you it's very encouraging and what fills my heart today is.

Thank you. Your partnership is so encouraging and I believe that every financial decision is a spiritual decision because Jesus said, that were ever our money goes.

That's where heart goes so God directed you to partner with us and I want to say thank you for your commitment for your love for partnering with Living on the Edge as we help Christians live like Christians, you know, one of the ways we help Christians live like Christians is by providing free resources.

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As we close today's program. Let's talk about those final two points, you know, Paul says, inspired by the Holy Spirit. Love bears all things in it believes all things, and to bear all things, literally, we said it means to cover not to Barry not to deny not to enable but it means you really cover love covers a multitude of sins. And I think what gets difficult. Here is when I might covering and saying I forgive amuck a hold this against the person I'm gonna really release them from. Maybe the pain or the wound that they've inflicted on me or someone else and when is it just sort of this pseudo-mercy where you don't really want to deal with it and so you keep enabling and enabling and enabling, and you don't confront and I just want to make sure as we talk about covering her this bearing the burden that covers sin, but it's not enabling it's not just denying that it's really there and pretending and so I want you to think right now is who is someone who's blown it that God is speaking to you about covering it. And part of covering it is you don't share with someone else.

You know, the opposite of covering is exposing and so often when we been hurt. There's a side conversation or we share the experience and we always share the experience. We tend to like were the victim and their the bad person. They did all these things and were sort of asking, would you help me because I'm struggling but we phrase it and say it often in ways that really puts the other person in a bad light and there's such disunity in the body of Christ.

And there's so many small groups and ministries and churches where is theirs. It's just a lack of love and love bears all things, I think the second part ties into it, believing all things means that you don't judge their motives and so you know when when someone is hurt you or you have an opinion of creed about someone. It is so easy to think that you know why they did what they did and I just want to remind you today that what we learn. What would be the best possible solution that you could make up in your mind for someone's behavior. The wooden judge their motives so love bears all things, it believes all things, and as I shared in today's teaching boy when people have covered for me and said you know something I really love you chip I see that you failed but unlucky to bring it up.

Not can hold that against you, and I'm going to cover that and agree with you that's under the blood of Christ, and I'm gonna believe in the future that you can do a lot better.

That is a powerful powerful way to help the people that you love.

As we wrap this up one of the best ways to get the most out of this series is to download chips, message notes and use the more you listen chips message notes containers outline scripture references and lots more that will help you get the most out of every program.

Best of all chips notes are free. Just go to LivingontheEdge.org and click the broadcasts tab whether you want them for personal use or for a small group will help you dig deeper and gain new levels of understanding, will I hope you will be with us again next time Winship continues his series spiritual simplicity doing less loving more so then this is Dave Drury saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge