What to Do When You've Blown It, Part 1

Many moms and dads look back wishfully on the child-rearing stage of life. Recalling that season of taking care of little one stirs up nostalgia. We love to reminisce about the good old days, but for some parents, the memories also carry a measure of guilt. There were times when we failed our kids. Perhaps it was an ugly encounter missing too many concerts or soccer games today on Insight for living Chuck Swindoll continue his series on biblical parenting and his 12th and final study. Chuck is talking about what to do when you blown today were looking at to Old Testament Scriptures. Both of them may be difficult for you to find if you're not familiar with your Bible. One is in the second minor prophet named Joel.

Minor prophets begin with Hosea and take you all the way to the end of the Old Testament. There are 12 of them. The second one is Joe will locate Joel chapter 2 and then if you've done that, find Isaiah chapter 58 will be reading them in opposite order first will read from Isaiah 58 and then from Joel to you have your Bible open please stand for the reading of the Scriptures is a 58 verse six is this not the fast which I choose to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of the yoke, and to let the oppressed go free and break every yoke is not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh. Then then your light will break out like the dawn, your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you, the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then then you will call in the Lord will answer you will cry and he will say here I am. If if you remove the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness and if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted. Then then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday and the Lord will continually guide you and satisfy your desire and scorched places and give strength to your bones and you will be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins you will raise up the age-old foundation and you will be call the repair or of the church. The restorer of the streets in which to dwell. Joel chapter 2 begin the reading at verse 23, so enjoy.

So sons of Zion and be glad in the Lord your God, for he has given you the early rain for your indication he has poured down for you.

The rain the early and let her reign as before, the threshing floors will be full of grain and the facts will overflow with new wine and oil. Then then I will make up to you for the years swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locus. The stripping locus in the knowing locust my great army which I sent among you. You shall have plenty to eat and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you then. Then my people will never be put to shame to unusual sections of Scripture that we will apply the day to parents who have blown it. Those of us who have failed in one way or another in our role as moms and to search the Scriptures with Chuck Swindoll. Be sure to download his searching the Scripture studies by going to Insight world.org/studies and the message called what to do when you blown it. I remember when I almost drowned.

To make matters worse, our younger son almost drowned with me. It was many years ago, our children were small and we had just purchased a little tent camper. It's a tent on wheels that allows you to nestle into an area in the woods wherever you wish erupt off the ground and and you're able to enjoy the fresh air of the out-of-doors. The beauty of God's nature was one of those sites located near an emerald colored late, that was cold and deep. The mornings were crisp and on occasion when you took your walk. You could see your breath. Really chilly as the sun rose it would morning back in during the day you could enjoy for a while time at the lake, though it was too cold to swim. The children enjoyed playing there and as Mike filled it was like there were a million nails driven the sky with silver heads beautiful stars idyllic until that day. We had been there about half a week and I thought while the children were playing, I would sling our youngest on my shoulders and others call it a piggyback ride. We always called her the daddy back ride so I was going to give them a daddy back ride decided we would move over into the water and I began to wade up to my knees and I'm holding him at his knees so he doesn't fall often I go a little deeper little deeper and finally I'm up to my chest is just able to kick his feet in the water and he says more daddy more and so I'm thinking well okay I got his legs and slipped down a little further a little deeper and I was now about he wanted to be at his waist and that meant I'm over my head so I'm thinking okay I'll do a little bounce number here make it an extra and he loved to his feet and jerked my glasses pulled on my ears hung onto my hair and all, it was the greatest thing will I suddenly realized there was no bottom. There is nothing to bounce up from we had slipped further down the slick bank and now we were further out, and I had to seizing realizations I cannot keep kicking and keep us up and if I don't kick we will drown the family was about hundred hundred 50 yards down the way in. I couldn't call for help anyway because I was beginning to gag and when I would go far enough down.

He would go under and he began to cough and cry and I began to cry. I literally literally thought this is it I can't keep kicking and I can't stay up I resource far as I could with with my foot and I felt with my toes the root of the tree small root and grown out into the into the soft mud of that bank area and I grabbed it as best I could and I thought oh if there were just more I could I could get toehold and I checked with my other leg and got and sure enough there were other small little rootlets and finally there was enough of a of a network of roots for me to find footing in that I got my other leg over. And by now walking out. I'm stumbling onto the onto the shore. I pulled them off my shoulders told him how much I loved.

He's been out laughing. Remember his saying that again. Daddy today. I speak to you feel like you were drowning your over your head, but you're not in cold water. You're drowning in guilt, shame, self-made blame reason I say that is because you have been listening carefully to each message on the family rearing children loving them caring for them taking time for them.

Dealing with wrong by disciplining them, showing mercy were necessary in setting boundaries for that's important and you have set their realizing every message are just getting deeper and deeper and you may have by now felt like that. The depth is bottomless.

Not only do I feel like I'm drowning my own children feel they are drowning in anger and confusion and disappointment in me, and perhaps even blame is hard to live with and there is this 18 void that causes you at times to lose your breath.

You have blown it. I thought about this for the last several weeks because I've heard your response, more than any other response I've heard this from you who are parents, especially you, who are moving into the older adult years. If I had only known then what I know now what do I do now. Those words come from sincere moms and dads who absolutely don't know what to do with her. She to make matters worse, when the holidays calm. It's awkward when the family talks about getting together you busy finding excuses why it won't work or they're not busy. They have their lights so would you do is there any hope. Is there any future for parents who have failed. Let me begin with what I have called in the outline some painful realities of being human. Okay some painful realities of being human. Let's start there. I would even encourage you if you have a pen to write some thoughts down you forget them. If you don't. If you do you'll return to them and you'll need him first. We are all imperfect, including our children.

I know you know that you need to write that down because you forgotten that that's what you feel so shameful and guilty. Your goal is you think back has to be a been a better parent but we weren't. You were what you were you are in perfect.

Romans 323 all send and come short of the glory of God. To paraphrase it. All of us have failed, and come short of our responsibilities as parents.

That's all of us through one man, Adam sin entered into the world, and death by sin. So death passed upon all for all have sinned you and me. All of us. All of us who were kids failed. We didn't obey all the time. We didn't do what was right all the time either with our parents were away from them. Imperfect because we are doing our best as parents to rear our children being imperfect, knowing that were dealing with children who are imperfect.

It's a no-win deal. In many ways. One man put it like this. You're not just trying to raise your child, you had to take a piece of damaged goods. Senior trying to restore it. This is hard to do so.

True, it's hard enough to know that you're imperfect but now you're dealing with a child that is just like you imperfect were all in the category back several years ago one of my favorite writers Peggy Noonan and the Wall Street Journal wrote a piece that I've kicked.

It's a good reminder of this point. She writes there's a small but telling seen in Ridley Scott's Black Hawk down that contains some dialogue that reverberates at least for me, the movie, as you will remember is about the Battle of the Bulge, market at Mogadishu, Somalia.

It's October 1993 in the scene.

The actor Tom Sizemore playing your basic tough guy US Ranger Col. is in charge of a small convoy of Humvees trying to make its way back to base under heavy gun and rocket fire. The Col. stopped the convoy takes in some wounded tears a dead driver out of the driver's seat of a G and marks Adam leaving Sgt. who was standing in shock. Nearby truck and try says the Col., but one shot Col. to which the Col. response everybody shot did in and drive, I say to you, your parents into all of us who have rear children. We all been shocked we've all been hit with shrapnel of depravity. We all have been impatient. We all have lost our temper. We all have rush to judgment. We all had been too busy.

We all have neglected.

We've all known the pain, argumentation, disharmony, and maybe even some walking out. We've all been shot. Second, doesn't help the first, but it makes it real.

We cannot change the past, oh, I know I'm I know I would love to be able to do that, but you can't change the past. Listen to me. It is set in stone. It is set in stone for you to spend your time retracing those steps in trying to correct them more or make them less than they were.

What a waste. That's fantasy Island.

Don't waste your time. The past is set, it's done without making light of it. We must press on beyond our failures in our mistakes and our sins. Paul writes in Philippians 313. One thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on, say those three words with me, I press on, you forget those words.

You'll sit there in your guilt and shame and you will lose vital vital years beating yourself up. We cannot change the past. Before you think I'm making light of it. Here's the third would we are personally responsible for our own wrongs. We are personally responsible for our own wrongs. You cannot blame someone else. If you do, you're making a very terrible mistake you did wrong.

It was wrong. You are responsible for it. You fail. Here, you failed it is your responsibility don't rationalize around it. It will not solve anything for you to rationalize around some failure or excuse it because you were busy or it wasn't the right time or you would tried before, or you had other pressing responsibility, don't go there. I love the words of the prodigal son when he finally came to his senses. Father, I have sinned against heaven and no longer worthy to be called your son. I have sinned. I'm in shock. I blown I don't deserve a place back even just put me in the shed with the servant, no, no, no, no, it's another story, but that was the only place he felt he could he could live. Having treated his dad's brother as he entreated the thing I have always appreciated about Alcoholics Anonymous whenever you introduce yourself to the group. You start with your first name and you add I am an alcoholic. Let's say your name is Fred, my name is Fred I am an alcoholic. My name is Shirley I am an alcoholic. It's very healthy. No addict ever ever gain sobriety by denying that he or she has the disease, I am this. You sit here today and you listen to these words and one of the most helpful and healthy things you can do is acknowledge I have been wrong. I am responsible for my wrongdoing now must not stay there. Let's get a little hope and future in this and if you turn with me to one of the major prophets things Jeremiah I want you to mark this verse. I'm going to show you these two verses Jeremiah 29 verse 11 verse 12 when I first found these verses years and years ago I remember almost shouting because they gave me such relief.

Jeremiah is writing these words under God's direction to a people who have been far, far away from God.

For years, and I'm sure they thought they were finished they thought they will ever know God as they once did. In Jeremiah 2911 adds the words from God himself, for I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Look at that. I know the plans I have for you and I don't know that the Lord does and they are plans to give us a future and a hope.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart, there is hope in those three verses. I love those verses God's future plans for parents are not for calamity or shame. This passage promises there's a better day coming. You're listening to Insight for living in a message from Chuck Swindoll about what to do when you blown it and please keep listening because Chuck will bring some closing comments in a moment coming to you from his personal study at home and if you like to learn more about shock or this ministry. Visit us online@insightworld.org now it's possible you been intrigued by today's presentation because you're thinking about a relationship with a son or daughter that needs repair may be feeling a measure of regret.

I should think back on the childbearing years, we'll find a number of helpful resources prepared for you. Located on our website but I point out one that's especially relevant today. Chuck is written a book on the family called parenting from surviving to thriving in which he addresses practical topics such as today's restoring relationships after you blown it. Whether you're raising young children, or you're watching your children raise families of their own. No household should be without this biblical wisdom nor study on the family concludes Wednesday. And this is one of the final times will mention Chuck's book on parenting.

It's available for purchase. When you go to Insight.org/offer and please remember anything you can give beyond the books actual cost will go directly toward providing Chuck's teaching on radio and the Internet, and we truly need your partnership right now as the disruptions caused by the pandemic have impacted charitable giving, the rhythm of my heart revolves around Sunday mornings for my entire adult life. Every day of my weak points to the moment I stepped to the pulpit to deliver God's message.

In fact, my heart beats faster just imagining.

I live with a joyful anticipation for the worship service every Sunday morning. Well because God is wired me this way. Breaking that lifelong rhythm of preaching every weekend is definitely cramped my style like you.

This requirement for self quarantine at home, while valid and necessary has become extremely challenging in my hours of reflection at home. I've been grateful that even while our churches are temporarily closed and empty the Insight for living program carries on without an interruption. Isn't that great everyday technology allows us to reach in the hearts and homes your heart, your home without restriction. We have no barriers whatsoever. In fact, the experts are telling us that radio listening habits are on the rise. The reason is people are craving, spiritual direction, the only barrier that stands in the way of our daily visits is the financial capacity to continue doing so, you see our costs for sending out the daily program remains the same. Your voluntary gifts, therefore, have never been more needed than they are right now nothing is diminished. Our commitment to delivering Insight for living messages covered 19 cannot and will not stand in our way as people around the world stay inside their homes, worried about their jobs, their basic needs, their families, and even their own lives. We will keep right on teaching and reaching them with the hope of Jesus Christ and the practical help with his word. So please, as God prompts you to again respond he was leading just as you need us by your side each day. We also need you with us.

Your prayers and your donation thanks for responding today to respond to the need give a donation online@insight.org that's insight.org or call this number 1-800-772-8888 again that's 1-800-772-8888 again tomorrow. Swindoll continues his message for parents, titled what to do when you blown it right here on Insight for living. The preceding message what to do when you blown was copyrighted in 2012 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2017 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited