Resolving Those Parent-Child Conflicts, Part 3

Today on Insight for living Chuck Swindoll talked about modeling forgiveness in the home it's always your own leisure. You're the one who's offended, it's your move to go and make it right. You're the one it's your move to forgive whether they ever come or not. Her daughter Benji, whether as a child or an adult. It's always your move to go and make it right. That's one of the lessons were learning the current study today on Insight for living. Chuck Swindoll concludes her message introduced earlier this week. It's based on our study in Matthew five and 18 resolving those parent-child conflicts is possible you're dealing with a broken relationship right now whether you're the one who's offended, you're the one who's because the counselor and profound lessons on forgiveness. God's forgiveness of us is complete, thorough, constant.

Consistently hours the claim but are forgiveness of one another story that's leave the womb. Unforgiven 300+ million dollar debt went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him to marry. I used an area I in our coinage one Darius is worth about $0.16 when a person earned in one day's wage and he comes this slave who who owes him 16 bucks and he sees him and and and and because the show Saying that what you owe me well was so amazing about his critical so his fellow slave fell to the ground began to plead with him, saying, have patience with me and I will repeat what he was willing and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was oh so interestingly is always true.

There was a camera there. So when his fellow slaves snapped the pictures and went to the Lord of the slave. So what happened were deeply grieved and came and reported to their Lord all that happened now what and summoning him, his Lord said to him you say you all that debt because you pleaded with me should you not also have had Mercy on your fellow slave in the same way I have mercy on you somebody do and see the connective same sentence and his Lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was torturers. The story ends with verse 35 the application look at it.

My heavenly father will also do the same words of Jesus. This is a statement of promise. My heavenly father will do the same to you.

If each of you does not forgive his Brother from your heart that he said my job is to declare it the torturers one respectable and admirable expositor describes the torturers. This is a marvelously expressive phrase to describe what happens when we don't forget one another. It is accurate description of gnawing resentment and bitterness the awful gall of hate or anger or order or in the it is terrible feeling. We cannot escape it.

He continues, we feel strongly.

This separation from one another, and every time we think of them.

We feel within the the acid of resentment and eight eating away at our peace and calm all day outposts wrangle the bird with my own hands. That's the torturers. The result is becoming a heavy drinker becoming more brutal, more enraged, more impatient, or offensive, less humble, was teachable as the torturers, I must ask you to pause right here and think. Have you been turned over to the torturers think think could this explain why you cannot let it go. Could this be the reason your own acid of resentment is eating away at your piece and call this explain why you have such an issue with anger, rage. This explain the temper flares up to the point of a dangerous decision. Could this mean why you have become so brutal restless through the night and troubled through the day. Only you know I've been there is horrible not ruin me to a good friend of mine said to me you know Chuck I think is probably gone on long enough. Letting go.

He was right.

For that reason, I couldn't feel closer to him for his honesty in saying to me. You know what man your bigger men forgive he was right idea. The torturers select the single most important response to remember very simple sum to the words it's always your move, always human. You're the one who's offended, it's your move to go and make it right. You're the one who's benefited it's your move to forgive whether they ever come or not think it personal if I have injured someone.

It is my move to go and make that right. And I've done that more times than I can number.

I don't say it proud or bragging. I say it because it's it tells you what a sinful man. I am I've spoken angrily toward my wife and saw her forgive II have missed treated one or more of my children and gone through the process of telling how it grieves me to think what it cost deeply troubled by that. I've had friends that I have heard that it decided there's not a friendship. There because of my actions and I've done my best to rebuild and those occasions when I know that I have done what is wrong. I I've not let time pass unless it was just virtually impractical to connect, which now days it is hardly such a experience in light of the electronic method of communication.

It's always best to do it face-to-face always is my move.

You know the truth of it. Louis never did get back to him.

He never was able to get any's interesting twist in the story returned with me to that story. This is before his conversion. One day Louis was overcome by a strange and unexplainable feeling and suddenly the war was all around and in him in random moments.

He felt like lights and fly wriggling over his skin. When there was nothing there. It only made him drink harder. One day he opened the newspaper and solace story that riveted his attention. A former Pacific POW had walked into a store and seeing one of his wartime The POW called the police who arrested the war criminal is literally read the story all the fury within him converged. He saw himself finding the bird overpowering in his fist, letting his face and then his hands locking about the man's neck in his fantasy killed the bird slowly, savoring the suffering he calls if he could get back to Japan he could hunt him down was going to kill the monster in what was happening.

He had been turned over to the torturers in spades only by the grace of God, did he not find the bird and did he not commit murder. Did you not spend the rest in prison following his conversion, listen to the difference that night. The sense of shame, powerlessness that had driven his need to hate the bird vanished was no longer his monster. He was only a man with a shiver of amazement he realized that he had felt compassion.

Something shifted sweetly inside him. It was forgiveness.

We Zaffirini described his pursuit of forgiveness, power, restitution you're listening to Insight for living message titled resolving those parent-child conflicts.

Now Chuck Swindoll turns the table until an intensely personal story of restoration to share something that we've not shared publicly before but it ties it all together on a number of years ago through a series of events, I will not describe said that I became aware of a distance that our children felt toward us. We didn't realize it, though we did realize there were occasions when things weren't just really right with the uneasiness on occasion there was a sense of distance, whatever.

During that period of time we became aware of some of the things that had distanced them from us is a very difficult thing for me to talk about and we did not quite. We not know quite what to do because he wanted to make it right when you know how we have a mutual friend who is a very wise and seasoned counselor. I called them and I said to him, to tell you where we are right now. I think we may need your help is very gracious. He listened without saying a word and he said oh yeah you said I got it. You need to meet with them all alone, not their mates not in your home. We need to find a neutral place where the two of you meet with the four of them.

But before you meet. I want you to write down for your sake not make copies were not handing this out for your own notes, write down the things for which you are sorry you want to apologize understand when you come together with them. It's not to force them to accept your apology. This is all going in that direction. You owe them.

These words of sincere apology and he said I want to tell you forward and I'll be there.

I said them out loud to fly you out have you in the meeting because so were were in over our heads will be a lot of emotion there been an enormous number of tears and he said I know there will and I will be there so we worked out a mutually agreeable time. We did not explain the wiring for adult children. What we were going to do what we planned a place where we would meet happened to be a hotel room and we asked them not to bring their mates and they set down. We set over here cordial greeting and welcome counselor settle over the side and I forget whether Cynthia started are I did, but we went to our list before we finished the one of the other of us finished the first or second one there were tears one just soft just saw we had no idea that the pain had been that the and then we went on through the list. He said don't blame 40 things, you know, pick the things that you know would be the significant of the Lord will show you talk about over. If you need to between the two of you but you you work through. I think think Cynthia mentioned the 45 I had five or six and when she finished her when I finished the other one stepped up and we can hardly get through it was the most emotionally draining experience of our lives as these four would mean more to us than life itself were sitting there and hearing their mom and dad describe what we now have come to realize most of our comments began with. I have now come to realize we name them and at each one. We ended with. I am very sorry and I would ask for you to forgive me. I want you to know how sincerely sorry I am. We didn't say we we said, I each one of us with our lives fully finished, the counselor said that's fine. You should leave. We didn't get a response except the tears, no one interrupted anybody. It was a also searching on over an hour. We walked out whipped on the way out weapon.

The car cried and the way home. He spent time with them. I don't know what he told what they said but he caught hold of us and he was ready go back to the airport we went by to pick them up and they were all gone. He got the car and he said if I've ever witnessed the way it ought to be done. It was today so not done this before, but I have seen families go through this but he said today you did what you should and they hurt you, what they say to you back to you whenever they're led to say it will be between you and them. But you need to know there is nothing more you need to say about and we have not said another word about it was left there and different ones of them responded in different ways.

Some took longer.

Some responded right away one or one did especially and then another is little sense of distance still with one that we have a good relationship with them. We just we just long for there to be a relief and release but I remember our friends saying to us, the counselor saying to us and upset at the Cynthia several times because your mind plays tricks on you.

You want to keep doing this you want to keep thinking what what more.

What can I what should I should I have said no no no stop stop. That's it.

That's it. The man said, you have done all you need to do leave it. Now bring your gift to the altar and will let the Lord take it, take it from here. And so we have chosen to do that but I will tell you that because I want you to know I would never ask anything of you that we would not do personally and some of you a long overdue. The good thing is I don't know who you are.

I don't need to know to be frank about it. I don't want to know because I'm not the one that's been offended but say this when we go to my grave with a clear conscience because we did what should have been done and we did it the right way under the wise eyes very godly friend professional who helped us work through that. And by the way, the torturers have fled away, sharing from his heart about pursuing our offspring with love, forgiveness and grace. Now the most important part of your day is only moments away as we prepare to spend several unhurried minutes together in prayer civilly stay with us for an extended time of reflection you're listening to Insight for living and if you'd like to learn more about this ministry. Visit us online@insightworld.org today we heard a sensitive message from Chuck Swindoll about resolving those parent-child conflicts to take your next steps in cultivating healthy relationships. I like to recommend a book check is written.

Whether you're the mom or dad of young children or your the parents of young adults who are starting families of their own. We're confident you will appreciate the biblical wisdom in this classic book called parenting from surviving to thriving as a Bible teacher adapter for adult children and I will grandfather these biblical principles were forged in the crucible of Chuck's personal experience nearly 300 pages in length. He covers a broad range of relevant topics for families who truly desire to follow God's plan. The book is insightful and it contains a wealth of wisdom to purchase a copy of parenting from surviving to thriving. Call us if you're listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or go online to Insight.org/offer. Please keep in mind it's not the purchase of books and resources that fuels this nonprofit ministry, but rather the voluntary donations of grateful friends and your gifts truly make an impact, especially during this critical pandemic crisis when families are looking to Insight for living, for biblical hope and wisdom you can give a donation today by calling us if you're listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888.

You can also give online@insight.org and Ellis conclude our time together by asking God to help us pursue forgiveness. Please bow your heads, close your eyes for a moment to just sit there quietly see that face there he is again. There she is again William Arthur Ward wrote, we are most like beasts when we kill we are most like men when we judge we are most like God when we forgive. I beg of you, I plead with you and just drive on your slip away saying maybe someday get miserable enough I'll deal with it.

The problem with that is you're making everybody else around you miserable more than you realize. And more than they've ever told you see the torturers love captives and one has you in its grip is also gripping. Others around if there is someone if there is anyone anyone you need to come to terms with each your move. You are right now living in unfaithfulness and you are lying to your partner. It's only a matter of time before that will come to the surface and you will regret the day you determine not to confess and make that right. Mark my words, and you are living with the torturers with the spirit of God. Touch your heart deeply to the point where you will not let this week pass without moving in that direction. May God keep you restless and sleepless and broken until you make that right. This may very well explain the reason your family is not closer than it is. It may be that your need today is just exactly what Louise was nuts to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, believing him to take his grace to claim his forgiveness to let him be the reason you can go on so that's true. Take care that we don't beg you to be converted here, but I can assure you if you choose not to be.

You are in for a lifetime of that kind of torture. May you know no rest. You have no peace me every day be restless and every night. Sleepless to you trust in him and if it is possible essay to the others of you that there is someone you need to forgive you. Please, for God's sake, for your sake take care of that today there is someone you need to make it right with. Would you please take care of that this week soon as you can line it up, swallow your pride accept the fact you are at fault leave you get go, be reconciled. Either way, it's your move our father we come from all different backgrounds, different cultures, different nationalities, we are all different ages all have different experiences. We are from different parents different routes. We've known different excruciating painful moments we all have this in common. We are sinful and were surrounded by a simple race of people, some of whom have hurt us, some of whom we have hurt. I pray that you will give us the broad shouldered response that says I will not live with this any longer. I will acknowledge what I've done, I will not live in secret.

I will come out in the open and I will release my own life from the torturers and others who come to me fully forgiving them even if they don't come may forgiveness be our lifestyle and as a result, would you build into our homes.

A harmony and a joy and relief that would never known before. Please start today in the name of Jesus I pray everyone said amen. Tomorrow you'll hear Chuck Swindoll talk about accepting reprove from those who love us. Join us on Insight for living. The preceding message resolving those parent-child was copyrighted in 2012 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2017 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited