Secrets of a Nurturing Home, Part 3

Sometimes we tend to project push our own personalities and reference under were young children without realizing they become prescribed by God with unique gifts and abilities. Instead of producing positive results are well-intentioned efforts often backfire today on Insight for living Chuck Swindoll points to a proper bid strongly advises moms and dads to accommodate the personal vents and their children. This ancient wisdom was later fleshed out by the apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 6. Let's pick up the message. Chuck started earlier this week called secrets of been nurturing all children obey your parents in the Lord is a caveat parents in the Lord. This is not a free-for-all where you could just take your authority and run with it or just remind your kid all the time. What is growing up.

You're the one in the authorities and learn to submit like it always go will mess up with this verse is about.

In the context of submission.

Remember the key word in verse 21 of chapter 5 is be subject to one another. I've got a a child of God's given me and I subject myself to the Lord as I seek to find out who the child is how we put together what he likes but he doesn't like what he's good at what is not good at how he thinks how he responds. It takes time.

It takes effort, obey your parents in the Lord.

This is right. In fact, it even says honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise. Why, because it'll go well with you in the last through life. It'll be to your benefit in second you live longer than those who don't. I'm describing and nurturing home and so we will just talk to children will talk to dad's where the leadership begins father's, do not provoke your children to anger. This has reference to the misuse of parental authority, either by making unreasonable demands, which leave no room for inexperience or immaturity of the child is growing or by going to unfair extremes being too harsh, even to the point of cruelty and brutality or the other side of over indulging and showing favoritism.

My most significant adult influence was my maternal grandfather who seem to live for me, why he took to me, but thank the Lord. He did and as a result I grew up in the hula was because I was continually compared in problem with stuttering and all those things and go with it. The craziness of growing up and didn't like myself all that much and struggled with self-image and all that goes with that because I didn't gain the security of knowing who I am and liking who I am and being who I am till after I was married.

Now you know I'm crazy about her attention she pushes on my mother but she provided a lot of insights that I needed to have gotten from my parents so there was distance. When I graduated finally from seminary. I've I've had the strangest experience I've never told us publicly.

I felt strangely distant from those people who were so proud of my mother and my dad fact I buried my mother and nine years later I buried my dad and I said to my sisters. We were flying home after the memorial service. I said I feel like a bird, a stranger today. I respected him I loved him it just I didn't know and he didn't know me, I wasn't nurtured so I speak to you with an enormous amount of controlled passion here. Your child needs you to help know who he is and when you find out who he is. You cooperate and when he discovers you're cooperating with him. He's on your team and your audience. You go you make great music together, and there will be conflicts say that Kino will you have and he has you know there's going to be conflicts.

He still depraved, it means when you run up against the conflict you correct that you correct the wrong but you encourage the right and you spend as much time affirming and encouraging. In fact more of that. Then the destroying and criticizing fathers don't provoke your children. The anger I got a whole series of messages I do on this so I'm putting 12 messages in one little 1520 minute. Here so bear with me. I'm sorta spinning this all out but I couldn't feel more deeply about anything nurturing being there taking time promotion comes 15 grand more here. If you go on the road and spend five days a week on the road. Say no, they can't take it, find another job when they're gone, you can get the job on the road. Your wife may love it if you'd be on the road five is children need you there right now.

Hang in there okay folks, it's not an easy world. This is not an easy message and I have and use the word easy until the sentence. This is tough stuff. This is hard to tell you because it breaks some of your hearts and you say my kids are already grown. That's what grandparenting is all about. You didn't make it with your kids start with the grandchildren.

It's never too late to start doing what is right. Don't provoke them to anger, but bring them up. That's nurturing bring them up not jerked them up, bring them up in the discipline and the nourishment of the Lord. See the word nourish verse 29 of chapter 5.

No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and churches see the word instruction first for chapter 6 bring them up instruction on the one hand and nurturing on the other children listen to this. They learn in the process of being nurtured the quality of their parents love they learn the limits of their own liberty they learn the characteristics of a healthy independence said again they learn the quality of their parents love that gives them security, they learn the limits of their own liberty that gives them that gives them immaturity and they learn the characteristics of a healthy independence that leads to purity, strong hearted, purity of life. Security maturity purity. The rollout of a nurturing family. Now you need to know they are going to become like you they are gonna become like you what a great thing is to re-set the direction Cynthia my work reared as we wanted to rear our children. I remember it like yesterday are sitting together and saying to one another. Were going to have to break the cycle to change the pattern will have kids turn out like we turned out, and they'll will do just the same things that our parents did with us.

It wasn't all wrong.

It just wasn't the best it could have been so let's start MR member putting the member that we started making our list of what it would take to know our child and into help the child know himself what it would take to give room for the child to be, and where would set the boundaries and they wouldn't go beyond that and we would as best we could be consistent in staying with those boundaries and we would trust God to link our lives together so that when were adults were friend and an admin were close cousin become like we are a great theologian, Gilda Ratner, the lake, Gilda Ratner used to be a star on the Rosanna Danna on the Saturday night live. I liken Pastor supportive Rosanna Danna. She wrote a book called it's always something. I love that title.

It's always something in the book. She writes this when I was little. My nurse Debbie's cousin had a dog just a mutt and the dog was pregnant. I don't know how long dogs are pregnant, but she was due to have her puppies in about a week she was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawnmower and her two hind legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet. He said I can soar up or you can put her to sleep if you want to, but the puppies are okay, she'll be able to deliver the puppies. Debbie's cousin said let's keep her alive so the vet sewed up her backside and over the next weeks. The dog learned to walk. She didn't spend any time worrying.

She just learned to walk in a new way should take two steps in the front and sort of flip up her backside and it should take more steps and bumper backside again. She gave birth to six little puppies it all in perfect health. She nurse them and then weaned them and when they learn to walk. They all walk just like her love that story. Member the cats in the cradle my son grown up just like me just like me. So what are you like nurturing they'll nurture your investing in your grandchildren when you nurture your children, you stop the cycle you turn it around and I will tell you something to promises I can make you. Here's the first we close with each one has a story number one you nurture when you help your children know who they are. You nurture when you help your children know who they are, no son, your your your good with your hands you you understand this. This is great.

Let's get some books and make this happen… Get serious about you know what you can really draw honey rather than mass because artists are messy lease stuff all around you know what that's okay honey but were interested in is your art look at this is to or you are gifted. I thought I could play basketball. Look at this pay articulate one-on-one let's develop that or you know you you you really got it musically. I've heard of a teacher that's available across town to get you connected because this is a gift to see, cultivate, rather than you living out your frustrated life as an athlete, wondering why your son can't make it on the varsity squad.

Give him a break he is you he wasn't given you to fulfill your dreams. He came prescribed by God to be cultivated, according to his way, I know you probably saw the movie, but did you ever read the novel giant Edna Ferber, Edna Ferber's novel tells the story of the Texan Jordan Benedict. Jordan was owner of 2 1/2 million acre ranch in Texas. He's furious because his infant son Shorty, age 3, doesn't take the horses.

When set on wanting full cowboy regalia. He cries to be taken down. His father's disgusted look. I rolled before I could walk.

He yells at Geordie all right responses wife Leslie that was very cute but that was you he's another person maybe doesn't like horses to make him a horseman, even if I have to tie into it you been playing God so long you think you run the world are run the part of the world is mine says Jordan Benedict when he's not yours since his wife is yours and mine and he's not even hours. He's himself.

You nurture when you help your children know who they are helpful. They don't know how to say this, so I'm saying it for the take time take time. The church has your child 1% of his time little over the school has your child 18% of his time.

The home has the child 80% of his time. Do the math. Don't expect the school or the church to resurrect what your home puts to death. Take time.

Here's a second you nurture when you help to know who they are. You nurture when you take the time necessary to cultivate when you take the time necessary to cultivate. It's amazing you work and work and work and give and give and give and praying and praying and praying and discipline, discipline, discipline, and sometimes you have to go on the other room and go when you go back in the room and trying to get under control and talk to the child and maybe sometime you got a spine coming and you got a hold ground you gotta love them through it and all that you think will never get they'll never get will he says even when he is old he will return from found interesting piece growing bamboo is tough, especially growing the supreme grade of bamboo in Malaysia.

There is a strain of very valuable bamboo takes great wisdom and even more patients to cultivate.

Here's how you do it first year you plant the seed you water and fertilize nothing visible happens. Second year you continue to carefully water and fertilize nothing visible happens. Third year you water and fertilize it even more necessary that you do that yet nothing happens is absolutely no visible indication of your three years of work fourth year comes around you water and fertilize and must be applied correctly in the right amounts and at the right time and you guessed it, nothing happens in the fourth year in the fifth year you again diligently water and fertilize and the bamboo grows 90 feet in 30 days not 9 inches and 30 days not 9 feet in 30 days, 90 in 30 days from silts to the height of a nine story building in a month you call it compound interest. You will pour yourself day after day week after week, month after mom.

Yes, it year after year and you will go in your bedroom and you'll see they were going and your wife says no doesn't help you see praying and working. Cultivate and continue to nurture and wouldn't you know it one day you look in your amazed he got it and you're so grateful to God you're so proud of your nurtured offspring because God honored the time patients invest it's worth, I want us to bow our heads. Okay I know what time it is on you to close your eyes close your eyes when you to focus either on your children or your grandchildren are not married on your former home which you were reared not going to give you an agenda on what think about focus on an area that needs to be improved. Maybe the cultivation of a relationship with your parents you've never had. Maybe just sheer forgiveness rather than licking your wounds and excusing all of your nonsensical behavior on a mother that didn't love you are a dad didn't care. Would you please take responsibility for your own actions and from this day forward start doing what is right.

You need help to get your stuff straightened out. Get it paid a price when you quit blaming the teacher because your son is acting up because your daughter is being picked on.

Look a little closer to the problem be at home possible that 80% of the time something needs to be improved to start today. You might even begin by getting your children together and asking their forgiveness for all the stuff is been going on and had no business happening since the passage is directed to dad's. I am going to directed to you.

Father's sire workmen where we are in the right to be called a leader's responsibility.

Maybe your prayer could be with the grace of God held leave this building a different dad and I came in you've never met Christ as Lord and Savior. Of course, that that is the beginning of doing what's right. Come to him. Now he stands with open arms and an understanding heart. He'll help you through the morass of bad habits and wrong experiences and and failed attempts to forgive you and help you know how to forgive yourself and then give you the insights necessary and even the discipline to become right number. The old chorus of worship, spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me milled me only filmy usually our father. We we do prefer that could fill us with your spirit, and then with him. Your wisdom, your strength and encouragement we need to press on the determination to go ahead. Strength of will to face wrong that we've created in the removal of all self-pity or continue returning to the feelings of victimization bring us fully responsible to be adults to act upon truth as set forth in your word and we will trust you to fulfill your promise that when they are old they reach maturity. They won't depart from this investment give us the patient's strength you need to change the power of Christ in whose name we pray. All God's people said Amen. This is been a powerful week of study Ephesians 5 and six talking about our most treasured relationships in the home you're listening to Insight for living Chuck Swindoll titled today's message secrets of a nurturing home to learn more about this ministry. Visit us online@insideworld.org right before we hear a personal illustration from Chuck. I like to remind you that insight for living ministries has created a wide variety of books and resources that are especially meaningful over the holidays.

For instance, I'll draw your attention to an illustrated keepsake called Crago's treasury of illustrated Bible stories. Many times we remember the stereotypical depictions of Bible stories from our Sunday school days, but this book is designed to engage every member of the family in these historical events and to ignite the imagination and curiosity of every member in the family.

It's a collection of masterpiece paintings and each one is paired with a favorite story to purchase the coffee table book called Crago's treasury of illustrated Bible stories go to Insight.org/store or call one of our friendly staff members.

If you're listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888. This would make a thoughtful gift for a friend Chuck a long time ago when our oldest children were still babies sinking our living in the Northeast Cynthia whose father had been violently dysfunctional or sinking into a pit of depression. She had seen one counselor after another. She had taken medications that doctors now know are in fact dangerous.

They didn't know that then everything we tried made things worse. We felt so alone behind our home was an alley one night and Cynthia slept soundly and the babies as well. I went out for a late night walk, all alone. I got about halfway down the dark alley and I just stopped. I looked up the cried out. Help me Lord, I don't know what to do please help me I'm running out of hope. If you ever been there. Are you there right now.

If 20/20 is not you to your knees, you understand better than most. So listen to my next words closely. God is in that long dark alley. He's not oblivious is not absent. He cares, and best of all, he is working in that alley.

I couldn't fathom how we were going to make it through the next week to say nothing of the next year.

How could the Lord sit Cynthia free from such depression. I had no idea I had no understanding that he would one day use her testimony to help others battling the same darkness many years ago inside for living ministries wasn't even a dream wasn't even a blip on the on the screen. I had no idea the Lord would take my calling to preach and build a wonderful ministry under the leadership of my wonderful wife who pulled out of that depression beautifully. Having suffered through such dark days. She became a woman of strength grit with a heart set on reaching all the nations I had milk. We had no clue. But God did.

Our God is the God of impossibilities believe that he's the one who brings light when everything around us is night when all hope is lost. He brings back hope Christmas demonstrates the truth so well because in that first Christmas.

God sent his son as Emmanuelle. The word means, God with us. God is still with us in this year of loss and violence division and pandemic. God is with us in our own loan, dark alleys in 2020, God is still grieving his sovereign tapestry to accomplish his divine will. Don't overlook him. Whatever dark valley you're during Jesus is still Emmanuelle God is still suffering. He is able to carry out his plan.

When we can't see it this Christmas, would you please join Insight for living ministries and proclaiming the scalding reassurance worldwide. You can do so by sending your generous donation before December 31 would you do that your much-needed gift will bring the light to others who this very day, or stumbling through a dark alley of fear, disappointment, discouragement and depression they need to know as Moses said to the Israelites and their moments of terror. Do not be afraid. Do not panic for the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will either fail you nor abandoned. I'm counting on you for your thanks very much. And here's how to respond.

Chuck Swindoll right now to give a donation, call us listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or go online to Insight.org and why have a little extra time this weekend. We encourage you to set your alarm on Sunday morning.

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You'll find all the instructions it Insight.org/Sundays. Join us again Monday, when Chuck Swindoll talks about honoring God in our occupation right here on Insight for living. The preceding message secrets of a nurturing home was copyrighted in 2000 2001 and 2009 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights are reserved worldwide.

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