The Most Challenging of All Relationships (Part One), Part 3

Do you listen in the United States. Happy Thanksgiving and on behalf of Chuck Swindoll and all of us here at Insight for living ministries. We truly hope your holiday is filled with gratitude for God's abundant blessing or spending time with those you love today on Insight for living will continue a message. Chuck introduced last time. Our primary focus is upon a couple of verses in Ephesians that address the husband-and-wife partnership.

Let's look at Ephesians chapter 5 together, titled his message. The most challenging all relationship the subject to one another not talking about male-female not talking about wife husband not talking about children parent not talking about employee employer one another.

The spirit filled believer. Verse 18 is a submissive person. What is that mean it means with one another in the rank of Christianity in the family of God. We are not competing with each other. We are not out to get our own way.

As men we do not dominate over women as women we do not dominate men the spirit filled believer is a submissive follower of Jesus, just as Jesus in coming to this earth as very God submitted himself to the cross. Are you ready for verse 22 before you read it.

Remember there is nothing inferior about the role of submission. It's Christlike. Why, who pulled Faso to your own husbands, as to the Lord has nothing to do with inferiority has everything to do with dignity and equality and unity in God's order.

As he put together a plan for this earth.

He has arranged certain rules to be an authority over other roles you may be as worthy as your husband and you are but it doesn't mean you have the role of head he does husbands you may be as worthy as your wife in God's eyes, but it does not mean that your authority is to be tyrannical, which is the second subject I want to mention neither is authority a synonym for tyranny. If you are abusive of your wife. It is not right.

It is sinful. If you are unfair in your leadership. It is not Christlike. It is sinful. If you take unfair advantage of your children and expect of them, something that God would not expect that is unfair and it is role and it is sinful. It is not authority, the wife who understands God's plan. Get this willingly places herself out of respect for Christ under the authority of her husband and she does so confident that God will honor that. Another key in all of this ladies is in the end of verse 22. Look, there wives who put possible your own husbands, as to the Lord. This is the manner of your submissive spirit. This has everything to do with attitude. If you will. This is a duty which you owe to the Lord. Out of respect for him. When my Lord gives me instructions as a pastor to do certain things in my life.

It may not come naturally and it may rake on my nature and it may not be easy, but out of respect for him. I do some chauvinists have miss interpreted this ending and said wives you want to treat your husbands as you treat your Lord, wait. Wouldn't that be idolatry, PE, isn't that what Moses meant when he said through God's leading. There will should be no other gods before you. My wife is not to worship me. I assure you she doesn't. My mom, my wife does not sit in reverence of me and pray to me, she does that.

Only with her Lord. I would be most uncomfortable being in a role like this, but as to the Lord mean it means.

Out of respect for your Lord you fallen rank under the authority that he has established for the home you model that so that your sons and daughters will learn from the model that is about. You see the established authority that comes from God, not people magazine, not the news media not the nonsense you hear from the government. The established authority is in verse 23 and until you believe this and are ready for. Don't get married why my yelling husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church.

How's that for an analogy as he is head of the church. So God has established. The role of the husband to be the head of the wife. There are some days I would love for those rooms to be reversed, to tell you, leading correctly, in my opinion is a lot harder than following correctly, you talk about responsibility before God was ahead ahead is the part of the body that gives it direction and when you press it when the body does not follow those directions, we have words like paralysis and physical disorder, and disability and disease and dysfunction. Our hearts go out to people whose bodies will cooperate with their kids to use practical terms, and I say to you when the head is doing the job is he should do and there was a wife who makes life on earth hell on earth for husband. I'm watching dysfunction in action and my heart goes out to any husband living in that situation was are all big situations. I set up by the way, because I found more often than not it is the husband who was at fault not the wife. Certainly not in every case, is that it's hard to know how to lead as we should get to that next time. But as Christ is head of the body, the church, so the man is the head of a and every time I do a wedding ceremony. I say the word head. I use the word rule. I have less weddings now than I used to have interesting while you're laughing I want to tell you that when I do my research in preparation for message. I have on my desk next to my on the table next to my desk about 30 reference works that I regularly consult.

I am amazed how many of them Dodge and blurred this whole passage I was surprised and turning the wind was fairly conservative.

I thought and found not one mention of the word head or hardly any comment about the man's authority is running out of fear is giving up brownie is no reason to give up when you got it in the context there's nothing to fear. It's God's idea, we think God's got something out-of-control going on earth.

It seemed that creates it to be out of control. The fall has impacted it so that the man dominates so the woman stands against and we got this conflict stuff going on were as if the man has a submissive spirit. Ephesians 521 and the woman has a submissive spirit of the control the spirit all around.

Ephesians 521 and he she's told she's in this role of responsibility. She fills it and finds delighted and he feels it and he finds delighted because that he wants to honor her as Christ honors those who follow him and she wants to honor him as Christ honors those who follow him.

And if we haven't said enough. Verse 24 as the subject is as the church is subject to Christ report also so also wives ought to be to their own husbands in every thing. I've never seen you people look so grim. I understand your thinking. I commend you. This is not a passage to to laugh our way through this is a serious as it gets. This is the most challenging of earthly relationships and it grates on our nature because we were raised to be selfish by selfish people we school with selfish teachers and we learn from selfish peers and we do business with selfish associates and selfish businesses in their if I don't know so you that's the way we cut our teeth alone comes the simple passage of Scripture where there are dragons, but there really isn't. Dragons are only the figment of fear and imagination is Dragon here to tell you something. You show me a man who leads like he ought to lead in the less she's terribly sick. I'll show you a woman who was madly in love with me if that was her reason for marrying and she wanted that and she's found that she has found a point of film and he finds in her such a delight. There are not words to describe the ecstasy hundred percent of the time the fall has impacted us and to this day we still have our arguments which deliver disagreements but is never with a plan in mind of walking out its walking in to work this thing through May are reviewing the tell you a quick story. Equality of worth does not mean identity of roles. One is not worth more in God's eyes and the other but one has a role that is to be filled correctly and the other is to follow that responsibility there is to be interchanged. There was to be relationship there is to be dialogue and if you can't work it through. Get help get help your great Christian counselors get help. Go submit don't find don't argue let the hard work began. Bring your scars, bring the abuse bring the heartbreak bring the complaints bring your onion and let it get peeled and this time passes it is amazing what the Spirit of God will do under the guidance of a very effective relieving counselor who has nothing to gain or lose what you do with the information you hear. Problem is, in this culture you told to give up his greener grass on the other side of the fence and I got news for you. It isn't even edible problem is you gotta take you with you. Your half or more than half of the problem so equality of worth does not mean identity of roles. Second, authority is not a synonym for tyranny to be appointed as head in no way gives you the prerogative of taking unfair advantage of those were under your leadership, no prerogative whatsoever.

Christ did Christ ever command of anyone, something that later they look back and said no, that really wasn't fair.

Really wasn't right that he did that your husband is pushing you to the point of disobedience to God. Your answer is no, no I'm not going there. You take into the Scriptures and show them where you are there is to be an understanding at that point, just as Christ loved the church. Men were to love her just as Christ loved the church and gave himself to her. We are to love our wife is to love us enough to submit. We are to love her enough to die for her to die. Headship is not dictatorship leadership that is like Christ starts from the vantage point of love. It operates on the basis of nourishing and cherishing time.

I say to myself is what I'm expecting of Cynthia nourishing and cherishing the answer is no. I usually back away usually takes me a little while because I'm proud but I back away.

Also because she already said I'm not going to do it so that that is a little bit of reminder, there she is to not say that. So she lived miserably looking submissive.

Jill Briscoe made a great comment when she said a man of quality is never threatened by a woman of equality takes a very secure man with a humble submissive spirit to lead as Christ is commanded takes a very godly humble wife to follow as Christ would have her submit. And therein lies the Dragon. My mentor Ray Steadman in his book on Ephesians tells an interesting story.

He writes a woman approached me with an insightful question. Does Ephesians 522 and 23 mean that my submission to my husband is a gauge of the degree to which I'm submitted to Christ. Yes, yes, it's exactly that, said Ray. Her response was even more insightful, well then that means that my submission to my husband is not some sort of gift that I get my husband that that he should feel indebted to me for she went even further, thinking out loud.

Nor should I use my submission to him as a form of manipulation or or blackmail. I can't say to my husband. I submitted myself to you. Now you have to do such and such for me.

Nor can I say to God, I submitted myself to my husband so you have to produce certain results in my life, and she concluded correctly know if I submit to my husband is in the Lord. I should not care what the results are.

That's up to my husband and God. Steadman exclaimed in the book she got it she got, you know why you grim because either you been hurt or someone you know and love is being hurt. That's why you grim. My heart goes out to you at this point it blocks some of you from even hearing the truth minefield explosions are happening in your mind is playing tricks on you or your in a setting that you think is impossible if you did that keep you from going there heart goes out to you, but I'm called to tell the truth and I sleep real well tonight knowing because it's the truth that's going to set us free like you to bow your heads closure is closure Bible should sit before the Lord.

Here, you know, I haven't really addressed husband's that's coming in next time but husbands are hearing some things today.

We need to hear have a lot more to say later.

Maybe you've heard enough to say you know what Chuck I'm the problem, mainly the problem love her as Christ loved the church.

I wouldn't die for her live angry at her. My stop start there in husband's think biblically reason theologically, wives you have an eternal relationship with your Lord and in his sovereign plan he placed you with this man.

Okay, start there.

That's reason theologically where you go with that.

Not the stupid extremes. But where you go to. With that in a balanced way could make the whole difference in your attitude the only one who has to leave with with the true statement.

There's nothing I can do about what I've heard you who don't know Christ because you don't have the power or this or the filling of the spirit to get you through it. You talk about needing the filling of the spirit.

Cynthia and I went through our stuff many a night in tears. All I could do was say Lord I submit myself to you what you want to teach me in this, and I would hear her say similar things and then hold us together helps through this here we are 45 years and more now. Along the way, because the Lord stayed true to his promises you've never met Christ. This is the moment he pursues you he loves you within eternal love. He waits for you to respond to him just come to him just come to the cross. Give him your life, start there. These are these are not easy things to preach. They need to be said and they need to be said now and they need to be said here to these who are hearing them. So thank you for putting all this together in your time so that some who have never heard such things before or hearing them for the first time in some who have resisted them because of scars and pain victimization and what they have called such of the past, block them from hearing the whole context and concept of submission. Teach me to live my life like Christ lived his authentic submissive free me from the fears of what people think, or someone taking advantage of my honoring them. Lord, if you can teach me that do that for others, you cause your word to take root and to bear fruit in one of life's most challenging relationship. I ask this through Christ our Savior and the most challenging of all relationships. This is a two-part message that continues on Fridays, insightful living program and we invite you to stick around because Chuck has prepared a personal comment for listening family to learn more about this ministry. Visit us online@insideworld.org cultivating healthy marriages through the biblical teaching found in Paul's letter that's her prayer for every listener. Not only those who hear inside for living in North America but in men and women all around the world.

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One. New life and let me assure you that your contribution today will be channeled toward reaching people have come to rely on this daily program for strength and guidance. Not long ago we received a note from a woman who said since I was a little girl I was the victim of abuse pain and mental suffering followed me all my adult life. Pastor Chuck has been a great influence, reminding me that God wasn't working against me or hating me insight for letting us help me get a clearer picture of God. Please tell him I appreciate his help, because I will always be an ongoing project. Well, all of us qualify people and process as comments like this one that motivate us to venture forward with vision 195 to get a contribution today. Call us your listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or give directly online. When you visit insight.org/donate. Join us again tomorrow when Chuck Swindoll study on marriage continues Friday right here on insight for living. The preceding message. The most challenging of all relationships part one was copyrighted in 2000 2001 and 2009 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2009 by Charles R. Swindoll.

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