Looking Back: Finding Healing Through Forgiveness, Part 3

When we been deeply wounded by a friend or family member. Forgiveness can seem unwise, letting the perpetrator off the hook. Why give them a pass when they've shown absolutely no remorse today on Insight for living. Chuck Swindoll invites his wife Cynthia to her compelling personal story of forgiveness and redemption in a season when our culture is at war with itself. It's a fitting demonstration of God's amazing power to restore which broken for the benefit of those who may have missed Cynthia story on Fridays program. We begin with a brief review. Two years into our studies at Dallas seminary we began to experience painful things. First, we learned that my mom had breast cancer and they gave her about three years to laugh. She was in her early 40s and my very dearest dearest and that I lost a baby girl when I was 5 1/2 months pregnant following the loss. The physician gave me some Demerol for the pain they gave me the worst migraine I had ever had. They just kept giving me Demerol enough to do surgery but the pain became unbearable. 14 years later I would learn that Demerol triggers migraine in me, but back then we were completely in the dark. They called in another physician. A young internist who said that I was having this kind of head pain because I felt I had caused the death of our baby this one conference became a turning point. A huge turning point in our lives. A few months later I was again pregnant. Six weeks into that pregnancy.

We were in Houston visiting my folks for the Christmas holidays. When we were in a terrible car accident are 18-month-old son. Kurt's jaw was broken and I began to hemorrhage.

A problem I would have throughout the pregnancy which resulted in my having to be in bed most of the time laying flat on my back by now I'm seeing a psychiatrist who, along with the original doctor was telling me that the depression I was an was the result of my feeling that I had caused the death of my second child and that I was now trying to abort this one emotionally. I spiraled downward into an abyss of depression because this was in Dallas in 1963 we felt we had to keep my emotional struggles. The secret so we saw the Council of those outside the church. The medications along with the unwise counselors had created the deep pit of depression.

I was encouraged to get very angry and to blame others for what ever it was that caused any measure of turmoil someone's words and actions were like feathers in the wind like chef around which I would build caricatures with whom I would go to war.

My dad Chuck. Chuck's parents people in the church. Anyone the depression led to attempts at suicide.

Once I was in a coma for three days. This of this lasted for five years during which time Chuck was the associate pastor at Grace Bible church and for two years. He pastored a church in New England, where I again sought counseling steal from the ungodly and I was still encouraged to get angry and express those emotions when Chuck was called Irving Bible Church in 1967 I made two decisions. It was a move, a new beginning a new church, new friends five years of this staff have not yielded any piece so I would not go to another ungodly counselor and I would discontinue all medications for depression. I would take a whole new approach in order to get a handle on the depression.

Not knowing any of this background, we developed a very close friendship with a couple who encourage me to read a book that basically said you're not responsible because you're sick you're sick because you're a responsible let me say that again you're not responsible you because you're sick you're sick because you're a responsible. In other words, you need to learn to take full responsibility for your thoughts and for your actions. Don't blame anyone.

I began to think constantly about being responsible for every thought and for every action, acting responsibly became the stair steps for my climb out of the pit. This friendship led to my becoming involved in a very interesting Bible study class for women in North Dallas led by a woman named Susan.

Susan intensely wanted to know what the Bible had to say about our roles as wives and mothers. She developed a little test and she encouraged us to take it, which I did. Later, privately she told me that the test had revealed that I was very very angry and very very depressed. I knew that by now I had been in the pit for seven long years. We talked about Isaiah 58, which translated into today's language, is the story of the spiritual journal of the children of Israel during the time when they felt they were doing everything right yet they felt that God did not see them or listen to them and he was not answering their petitions when they fasted God then tells them through Isaiah that there fast were for their own desires as revealed by the way they were living. They were mistreating their staffs. They were contemptuous and their allies were filled with strife. This sounded like my biography then Isaiah in this great 58th chapter communicates the fast that God chooses within that list were some statements that had a profound influence on me. God's past was to loosen the bonds of wickedness to feed the poor to take the homeless into their homes to undo the bands of the yoke and we talked a lot about how we yoke people how we oppress them and then the passage goes on to say at the end of verse seven we are not to hide ourselves from our own/Susan shared her personal experiences with this chapter.

It all hit me like a ton of bricks. We were in the ministry ministering to the masses. While in the words of Isaiah. We were pointing the finger and speaking wickedness regarding our relatives. Isaiah later says that if we choose the fast. The Lord has chosen, then your recovery will speedily come forth and you will become is the repair of the breach. The restorer of the streets in which to dwell. It was also during this time that check prepared a study of Matthew 18, and we were all struck with the whole concept of the Lord's turning us over to the torturers if we did not forgive our brothers from our heart did this pit of depression did this of this represent my having been turned over to the torturers we believed it dead. Chuck and I talked about forgiveness and its application in our own lives. I thought about how I had re-created people during the therapy sessions mostly our relatives with character traits that often times had little resemblance to the people they really were there words and actions were like feathers. Isaiah caused them like chef in the wind around which we create all kinds of caricatures just as I had learned from the therapist who had tried to make me believe I had killed my baby.

I was now reenacting in my own relationships. This is exactly what Satan has done since the Garden of the individuals relatives would say our do one thing and I would give it a totally different meaning to anything he or she had in their minds, I'm totally convinced of that.

Now I came to understand that I had unrealistic expectations of what most of these relationships should be.

So I blamed others for things they did not do that. I thought they should have done.

I have not taken ownership nor accept responsibility for my own actions. That was so very important. Susan, encourage me to take out a stack of paper and record a different name on every sheet that represented someone with whom I had a conflict. I had to record what he or she had done to me that had brought pain and everything I had ever done to hurt them. That was hard because you often don't know what you have done that has hurt someone else. All you know is that you have an adversarial relationship. An uncomfortable feeling when you are around them.

The filter for my thoughts and this is so important. The filter for my thoughts was Philippians 48.

Part of the verse reads. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, dwell on these things.

It was unacceptable to dwell on the characters I had created within my own mind I had to think on those things that were true and honest. I was then encouraged to bring all of these lists to the foot of the cross in the quietness before our Lord to see every situation from the perspective of the one who had died for all of the Sands. Both mine and the ones committed against me. What an awesome awesome place a holy place, it changes your thinking regarding the whole dynamic of every relationship. I then needed to prepare my speech for each person and then prepare to go to them to ask their forgiveness. With no blame whatsoever for anything they had done it was just for the purpose of asking them to forgive me and the ones with the longest list were to be approached first. This idea in the first person was my dad and my dad's case.

Now my dad tried to kill mom one evening by joking her to death and had only released his hands when she passed out and she did not die. I had to forgive him of that he had asked my mom for a divorce when she was dying of cancer. I had to forgive him of that. My dad had a terrible temper, and he had unmercifully beaten my sister and me when we were growing up, the horrors of his beating, my sister would never leave my memory.

I had to forgive him of that. But none of these things were even mentioned they had all been left at the foot of the cross.

This was not about him. It was about me. What I have done that was not rocked in our relationship. My dad had been a wonderful provider had given me common sense in the midst of hardships he was diligent and very hard worker and he had learned to read and write.

After he and mom married, he had many traits and I needed to honor him for the and respect the good qualities of character he had passed on to me. His response was wonderful and I told him I left him.

Next was my mother-in-law, Mrs. Swindoll and I had never gotten along very well. From the very beginning. By now, check some of you have had that experience by now Chuck and I've been married 15 years so this war had gone on for a long time and it been primarily reduced the yeses and knows she had told us not to bring the children over to her home as she was afraid they would break her hand-painted China, which she had everywhere she just did not like little kiddos and rather than seeing this as an opportunity to teach my children how to behave when surrounded by glass I took out the sword and blamed her for not wanting to have a relationship with our children. They would only invite Chuck out for lunch. Not me. Are the children.

Every encounter was uncomfortable, so I had to really pray a lot for the right timing I learned that not only should your heart be right but sometimes their hearts have to be prepared to receive your words and your request for forgiveness. However, we are responsible to go no matter what may be their response, but you need to be prepared. This preparation went on for weeks. One day as I was preparing to teach a class on Friday evening with some seminary wives and how God is not finished with us yet. I got the idea of asking her if she would mind preparing a little unfinished oil painting of a shepherd with his sheep. She seemed delighted. I would ask her to do this now. I have been praying that the Lord would make it very clear when I was to ask for forgiveness. But that Friday when I open the door to greet Mr. and Mrs. one dollars they were delivering the painting I was totally amazed at how warm she was toward me.

I thought as they entered the door. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness this is it. This is the time what is my speech. What is nice beach all my this is it.

They set down on the sofa and believe it or not, all for little ones were playing and being very good. That was a miracle I thought okay okay my heart was pounding as I looked her straight in the eyes and told her how very sorry I was for not having left her as I should have for not having respected her as my husband's mom for all the times I had taken issue with her for so many things, most of which she never even knew about. Only Chuck knew and for not having honored her as the Scriptures say we should honor our parents.

I then asked her to please forgive me, to which she replied she would. Then I told her that I loved her and we embraced. I cannot tell you the relief of these experiences. On Sunday we set in church together and she told me how she had called all the relatives the day before and told them what I had done. I thought books do I have a list for any of those relatives. I didn't and we were all rejoicing in our new relationship for the first time from the experiences of my dad and with my mother-in-law. I felt I had been redeemed from the torture I had responsibly climbed out of the pit of depression and I have not suffered from depression cents. Our rejoicing was sweet all weekend and carried over into Monday. Check stay off about the middle of the afternoon Chuck's dad called him and asked if he could come over to their apartment. He said I think your mom is gone. She told me she wasn't feeling well and thought she would just take a little nap. She's not waking up. There's no movement, and I think she is gone she was gone, are weekend of rejoicing, had represented the hors d'oeuvres for her banquet in heaven. Dining with the son of God. I had asked her forgiveness.

Only three days before that Friday evening. It represented the last opportunity, I would have to do the most important thing I would ever do with her. I have since come to realize that my foolishness for those 15 to 16 years the years the locusts had eaten had totally devoured every opportunity I would ever have, to learn from the very one who had given birth to the person who would mean the most to me upon this earth, and now her death forever sealed shut those doors of opportunity. Furthermore, she would never get to know my heart. My passion for the world and my desire just share the liberating power that comes from applying God's truth to our life experiences. I know what it is like to be turned over to the torturers, but more importantly I have learned the un-believable healing that comes when we forgive from our hearts truly, truly, forgive, that's what the cross and the resurrection are all about a powerful thing happens when we come to the foot of the cross were we gain a true and honest perspective of all of the events of our lives, we bring everything before him who died for all the sins of the entire world. Here he enables us to sort out all the twisted metal. All the debris of our life experiences.

Here we leave all those things that have been done to us, and here we are empowered to seek forgiveness from those we have wronged this process. These very acts of forgiveness are the brushstrokes on the canvases of our lives that pretrade the grace and mercy of the one who bore all of our sins upon the cross. This process is what brings healing. We are released from the torturers freed from blaming freed from unrealistic expectations and freed from the caricatures we created upon the chef and the wind from my experiences. I encourage you to not let your paints dry out. Don't wait too long. It's this process that restores the years the locusts have eaten so that you can say with the Psalmist.

It keeps the Lord and you rejoicing when your lips speak what is right or father I pray that you will use the principles of your word story from life that is so shaped us in our home and family prayer will be used only for your good and glory in the lives of those, especially those tormented the torturers dismissals with the reminder that your truth works and give us swift feet to obey. I asked for Christ's sake.

Everyone said highly personal addition during a powerful story of redemption from Chuck Swindoll's wife ministry partner Cynthia Swindoll to learn more about Chuck and Cynthia in this ministry. Be sure to visit us online@insideworld.org. I'm pleased to inform you that insight for living ministries is offering today's entire presentation without cost or obligation. It's actually a two-part set of messages from Chuck and Cynthia called finding healing through forgiveness and you can download the MP3 messages by visiting our website.

Just go to insight.org/find healing in many respects, today's program embodies what insight for living is all about. When Chuck and Susie were newlyweds just getting their family started, they embarked on a personal journey to understand and apply God's word.

Learning the truth. They begin to act on. You see, it's not enough to know what's in the Bible as believers were instructed to employ the truth in every facet of our lives even what it requires humbling ourselves in the spirit of forgiveness.

What when you financially support insight for living you're making it possible for people all across the country and around the world to hear these life-changing truths as well and we know your gifts are making a difference because we get to hear and read the phenomenal stories of people either call to tell us how their learning to think and act biblically to give a much-needed donation, visit insight.org or if you're listening in the United States.

Call 1-800-772-8888. Many are choosing to automate their giving to this Bible teaching ministry becoming a monthly companion a monthly companion to someone who believes in our mission to deliver God's love through This TV program and join just by giving a donation every month to become a monthly companion call listening in the United States., 1-800-772-8888 also sign up online insight.org/monthly companion. Most of us have been heartbroken with civil unrest in the public square, eclipsing the urgent medical needs imposed by the global pandemic at insight for living ministries. We believe there's never been a better time to extend God's grace to those in the embassy emotionally charged euro were shouting matches were commonplace for people feel voiceless and overlooked the would you be among those who give generously so that we can spread the fragrance of God's grace to those desperate for second drafts were looking to add more monthly companion to the team become a monthly companion today by calling us your listening in the United States. Call 1-800-772-8888 or go to insight.org/monthly companion my friend more than ever insight for living ministries is determined to serve as a lavish garden for people all around the world longer smell the aroma of God's matchless grace mostly plagues were perfect simple people or for truth and redo to become a monthly companion call listening in the United States. Call 1-800-772-8888 or go to insight.org/monthly. I'm Dave Speicher tomorrow. Chuck Swindoll resumes his series called living right in the wrong world right here on insight for living. The preceding message. Looking back, finding healing through forgiveness was copyrighted in 2002, 2008 and 2017 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2017 by Charles or Swingle. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited