What to Do When You've Blown It, Part 3

Bringing up kids in today's culture is one of the most demanding and exhausting assignments in all of life, and while most moms and dads look back on the role with fondness and affection. Some carry a measure of guilt and even shame today on Insight for living. Chuck Swindoll concludes his 12 part classic series called biblical parenting is chosen to finish the study by concentrating on the biblical mandate to restore broken relationships is messages titled what to do when you blown and we pick up our study. Chuck left off yesterday tell you today goodness of our God is greater than the badness of our failures removed from guilt and shame to recovery and renewal. What won't help is to misunderstand and use biblical instruction, there's another one to ignore common sense. Before I get to the positive part of share with you what John White physician writes I've mentioned him before it got a wonderful book called parents in pain, and he writes this very sensible words several families during my life for the parents were disaster quarreling breaking neglecting the children running around, partying, separating, divorcing, whatever get their children turned out well.

That is to say they did well in school and got a job. They seem to have decent friends now appear to have stable marriages in which they handle their own children sensibly talk to the children as I have done they will say I swore that my home would never be like my parents home or I saw what did to my family and I swore I'd never touch so I don't.

Here's another. I was the oldest I knew what it was like to have to look after my kids brothers and sisters night after night as my parents were gone.

My kids are never going to suffer like that. Then he writes I'm also acquainted with families in which parents are warm for wise yet giving and who have at least one child in serious trouble.

Some of the parents of nonreligious others are very religious. On the other hand, I've seen that parenting does make a difference.

So here the common sense check recently on 10 children in serious trouble in our area and I found that nine of the 10 came from broken homes and all came from homes where parenting was shocking bites by any standards. In other words, there are general rules. Good parents are less likely to produce problem kids parents here. The common sense. It doesn't say never, or always it says less likely stable homes are more likely to produce stable children than unstable homes. That's as far as it seems to go. There are no steel reinforced rule, shall we say then he mentions an experience he had that's worth.

And worth my reading is a recently graduated doctor. I was given major duties and surgery to early within a year of completing my medical training, I was frequently responsible, at night for all the emergency surgery in a large city hospital as well as a smaller hospital on one of Britain's major highway demanded suites taking care of emergency rooms into place during the day, I was often given my own operating list in less than a year after that I was doing. Yes, colectomy's understandably thing sometimes went wrong seriously wrong in the operating room, a wave of panic would occasionally begin to rise in me, as with horror, I would see that the operations going deeper in deeper into a mass and unconscious patients. Life depended on me. The anesthesiologist was competent in his or her own area but could offer me know. Senior surgeons were in our way with the panic he was sort of freezing in my brain.

My movements were hurrying the pointless and repetitive. I would stare at the circle of the eyes of the assisting team, but all eyes will be looking, staring right back at me under such circumstances, the only thing I could do was forcefully to will myself to think slowly and deliberately, I discovered that being a Christian. I have been sending up panicky prayers hello Laura hello Lord let it go wrong. Close, Lord, Lord, don't let me get this into a mess. Don't let her die. They were muttered incantation prayers.

I had not been aiming at communicating with God. I was simply expressing panic and parent you done that haven't got a course was merciful he was there, but I saw that I I had to stop the finalizes it with these words underwear you may be as you read these words apparent, fearing the future apparent relaxing a little after that crisis of what in the midst of one I must insist on this ground rule that you at times force yourself to think, even when you do not feel like it. Which brings us back to where we started, since there's no magic in the Christians home is no one to wave over the situation. It was apparent have a job to do its thankless it sometime unappreciated as we've covered a time or two in these messages you have to do the strong talk. It takes reproof it takes honest confrontation. It takes your standing your ground, setting boundaries and not giving in, no matter how much the child may threaten scream or deny the boundaries are set and good common sense will lead you and how you carry that out with the process.

What what we do, how do we carry it out. I close with Isaiah chapter 58 please turn their what will help well is the same thing that would help the nation Israel when they had reached an end of their rope part of their carnal process was becoming very religious, so they were told to fast and they fasted like religious people, but there was no part in their fasting. There was no repentance. They were told to obey is the God of Zion.

They look like they were obeying but they didn't. It was all a show. It was an act so finally the Lord's meet someone face to face and says my people listen to me. I have designed a fast that you are to be engaged in, but you have blown it. So let's set everything right. I'm going to give you 12345 steps to follow as you carry out the process of recovery and rebuilding the relationship. Verse seven.

Write it down humble yourself. That's where we start. Humble yourself here. Just talked about their fasting when it was done and without purpose, and he saying the real fast.

Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house when you see the naked, the covering and not to hide yourself from your own flesh will of anything to get closer to the home and that statement don't hide yourself from your own children then your light will break out like Don and your recovery will speedily come forth. So if you want to deal with your flesh, that is your flesh and blood your own children, I suggest you start with the spirit of true humility, meaning you have nothing to prove you have nothing to lose. You have no image to keep up.

You've already lost the respect she don't have to rebuild it in a phony way you plan to approach them in the spirit of humility.

Verse nine begins, then you will call, and the Lord will answer and then you will cry and he will set your prayer.

Pray, may I suggest to you during or after or before praying.

Make a list your own list of the offenses you have caused. Make a list prayer Lord God moving into a field that's that's uneasy.

I don't how to do this I heard what the pastor said on. I have seen the principal I need your help. I need you to soften their hearts.

I need you to open their ears.

I need you to give me the right word. I prefer all of that. I want there to be solution recovery release and relief.

So pray pray. I could never prayed before call the name of the child that's offended or the young adult name the one who is of great concern. Are their names, name them before the Lord is the next verse nine end of the verse, you will cry.

He will say here I am. If you remove you from your midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness number three stop all blaming South all finger-pointing you're going to your offended adult child, and your acknowledging that there has been a breakdown in your relationship but you were not there.

One word of blame.

None of the things that begin with. If you had only or if you remember back that none of that. It's all pointing you humble yourself, you prayed about it. Now you're saying I have no blame except to take the blame myself. I'm responsible for what is happened in the breakdown of our relationship.

So stop all blaming you want to remove the yoke.

That's how it now what happens. Number four. Make yourself available and vulnerable. That's verses 10 and 11. If you give yourself to the hungry, satisfy the desires of the afflicted, then your light will shine that will rise in darkness, your gloom will become like midday.

When you do this step, making yourself available and vulnerable. You will relieve the grip of guilt and you will lift the veil of shame the shadow of shame you will sit down and you will meet confidentially privately with your with your offspring you will speak calmly and openly and humbly and may I add, it's okay to cry. In fact, it would do some of your parents good for your children to see you weep over the way you treated them your weeping as you tell your story to your children is that statement to them that says I could not feel more deeply about this. They will take advantage of you.

They won't let you don't respect you. Maybe for the first time in years because you care enough to acknowledge the wrong there will be shame lifted and the grip of guilt will be released here I am in a cold lake. Not sure I can make it back to the side and interestingly it seemed strange later, but I cried. I cried it was a crying out of my inner soul saying in in those two years old, God, I can't make it. I can't fix this.

You let your children hear you say things like that and I'm telling you unless they are very sick themselves. It will touch them deeply will be a softening, you make yourself available and vulnerable.

You've chosen the right time you close the doors so that it's not known to the public and you be alone for however long it takes until you got a laundered number five trust God to bring healing and change. Write that down. Trust God to bring healing and change your time will result in what we can, but said in verse 12, you will rebuild the ancient ruins. He will raise up the age-old foundations. In fact will call you the repair of the breach. The restorer of the streets in which they live. What a great name to give parents.

My parents are rebuilders repairers and restores they had the courage to come to me to us personally and rebuild a relationship that had broken down – mom I never dreamed we could have a talk like this. Now they may not respond like that don't force it. Remember you're not there to tell them what to do or say you're the one with the script when the prodigal return. He didn't hand the father things to say in response.

He simply said here I am at your mercy, and so I trust God to begin to rebuild and repair and restore and bring back respect and to close the distance and to reconstruct a relationship and it will be like it used to be. They were younger then now it's adult with adult take some parents a long time to realize that they don't treat their adult children like they did little children, you have no control over them. All you're doing here is bringing out into the open, a desire for God to heal the relationship and bring a change and let me tell you he does this kind of thing every day, every day around this big world something like this is going on how great it would be if it could be in your home.

Remember these three things along the way, I'm through number one, don't hide anything. Don't hide anything. I hesitate to use an illustration here so I'll leave it. The cut because it could get us distracted. But parents are bad about hide height so go with your arms and heart open and hide nothing. You spend time praying and thinking dealing with this with common sense, so you realize this. This right here needs to be made clear and I want you to know son are sweetheart. I want you to know that this is what occurred, and I have no excuse and it would hurt you. I know I did wrong value hide nothing. Number two. Don't hurry the process. You don't need to get closure right then.

If you do that's ideal. I'm in your child. They get up from the chair and walked toward you and throw arms around you and thank you over and over and over again probably would not. Okay probably won't that offenses 2D at that that herd is too severe that wound is now scabbed been pulled off of it there bleeding. So don't hurry the process.

Give it time. When you have finished, you have to pray and did you know dear Lord, break their hearts bring them to repentance. Please please leave that to me, that kind of pray okay you're the mom and dad say thank you for giving me your time and hopefully I can say thank you for believing me ended the meeting is over. Don't hurry it to wait for a phone call that night.

Some adult children never respond but don't think they didn't hear number three don't hold onto anything in the past, let it all go, leave it all don't bring it up again your session is a one time only session. Don't go back and remind him a week later when you had this talk.

They may want to bring it up. It's their move.

You've done everything you need to do.

We had a very dear friend tell us after we finished the session very much like this. He said Chuck Cynthia, you have done all I can possibly do.

It's over. There's nothing more you have to do. Never forget it was freaking and he was right. He was right. God used it in the wonderful way please. I spoken directly to data parents, but I realize there Lotta children of various ages. Hearing my words. You may be thinking right now my mom and dad were here. I wish I could know this kind of openness with them. Maybe you're the one that needs to make it right. Miniature move, perhaps by your example. They will be moved by the Lord to deal with things that they need to address, but especially to parents do I tell you I love you and I care deeply that you cultivate a relationship that's healthy, harmonious, satisfying, so you know the joy that family life can bring help us. Our father at the close of this surgical experience as our souls have been invaded, but the truth help us with the wound open to bring the bomb of healing and relief, especially for the parent today who understands these words are directed to her to him and to hear them in the act upon the and I pray that you would reward them for their efforts. May there be the reestablishment of a loving relationship rather than a blaming one. May there be the recovery of health and a wholesome harmony, rather than that knowing creeping stripping distance that has been there for long long time.

In May there be changes that please you and give these families great relief that has been so long in coming. We trust you for this father and I were dismissed by the grace of our God who has given us a future hope in his matchless name.

The name of Christ. We pray everyone's a man Chuck Swindoll. The final presentation in the classic series on the family called biblical parenting.

Today's message is titled what to do when you blown it. Now we've reserved a couple of minutes on today's Insight for living program to your personal comment from Chuck coming to you from his home study.

First, if you'd like to learn more about this ministry. Visit us online@insightworld.org well. Whether you're the mom or dad of adult children or you're the parent of young children were still beneath your roof. I'll remind you about requesting Chuck's popular book called parenting from surviving to thriving as a Bible teacher adapter for adult children in our grandfather's wise counsel was forged in the crucible of real-life relationships. The book is engaging and contains a wealth of wisdom and because this is the final day in the series. It's the last time I'll mention this practical book to purchase a copy of parenting from surviving to thriving. Call us if you're listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or go online to Insight.org/offer and please keep in mind it's not the purchase of books and resources that fueled his nonprofit ministry, but rather the voluntary donations of grateful friends like you and your gifts truly make an impact, especially during this critical pandemic crisis when families are looking to Insight for living, for biblical hope and wisdom. Chuck, our world is never witnessed anything quite like the coronavirus invisible to the naked eye covered 19 is crossing every barrier we put in its path and is leaving devastation behind during unsettling times like these.

All of us must come to terms with this fact.

Our safety and our security is found not in our retreat or isolation from danger, but in the safe harbor of God's great protection.

That's not hyperbole. You know that I'm not given to platitudes. It's the truth. And I want you to hear the comforting counsel that comes straight from the Bible but first let me remind you about our shared commitment to one another were walking through this season.

This pandemic together and just as we continued delivered daily doses of biblical hope. Without interruption to millions of listeners who rely on inside for living I'm boldly asking you to reciprocate with your expression of generous support and so let me assure you, we certainly need your prayers and your donations as you stand by our side. These days these last several weeks. David's 32nd Psalm has brought a lot of comfort to Cynthia and me, especially verses six through eight. I want to read them to you. Let all the godly pray to you while there is still time that they may not drown in the flood waters of judgment for you are my hiding place.

You protect me from trouble you surround me with songs of victory. The Lord says I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you are those great words. May these inspired words from David's Psalm 32 bring you fresh hope renewed stability and a calming reassurance during the stretching day.

I promise to walk this journey with you. They will not give you our contact information.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Like today. Ellie made it very easy to respond to Chuck Swindoll pick up the phone and call us right now listening in the United States dial 1-800-772-8888 or maybe easiest to go online and give a contribution on our website. Insight.org again you find us online@insight.org right right here Insight for living. The preceding message what to do when you float was copyrighted in 2012 and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2017 by Charles R. Swindoll. All rights reserved worldwide.

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