Defending Your Faith ...to Yourself!

And look at hope for the caregiver on American family radio. I'm your host Peter Rosenberger.

We are glad to have with this. This is the show for the family caregiver. Those were putting themselves between vulnerable of one of the worst disaster somebody who has a chronic impairment now love people with I think of caregivers think of nursing homes of aging and deco thing and that's that's a part of it that's legitimate. However, on this show we expand that we talk about those special-needs children were talking about those who are dealing with mental illness with some type of trauma with all types of different addiction issues with alcoholism and drugs. Whatever anything where there's a chronic impairment. There's a caregiver who is putting themselves between that loved one. And even worse disaster.

How do you help those people and why should you help those people.

Well, what happens to that impaired love one.

If the caregiver is not a good place physically, fiscally emotionally, professionally, spiritually, what happens and we are committed to helping strength that caregiver because we know it's a two-for-one deal. If you strengthen the caregiver you give the impaired level to fighting chance to get the caregiver fighting chance it date. There position where they could help that love. But if you don't address the needs of the family caregiver.

It's a two-for-one deal going the other way to lose that both individuals on some level there are millions and millions and millions of people that are dealing with this. There are over 50 million people right now with disabilities look at the aging population of what's going on in our country as we have 10,000 people a day. Stepping into retirement status. 92% of people want to age in their own home housing to be possible without a family caregiver and then you have the alcoholism issue going on. Alcoholism and addiction, chronic disease, the people may stop drinking, they may stop using, but they're going to have to work a recovery program for the rest of their life and it's going to be a journey for them and the people around them. Mental illness get a child born with special needs like autism. These are not terminal diseases or terminal diagnosis, and yet they they are affecting the family down syndrome. They would just go down the list of all the things of all the impairments doesn't have to be something that's going to call somebody to die immediately. In fact, most the situations involving caregivers linger out for years and years and years.

How are you doing with this.

If this is where you walk there hundred 68 hours a week. This is the hour for you as a caregiver for you. Hold up your putting yourself between vulnerable of what it even worse disaster and that's what the show was all about. You will be part of the show. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. You can call into the show. We love to have you here.

Also, you can follow along on Facebook live at hope for the caregiver and you could also go to our website@hopeforthecaregiver.com where you can see our podcast and everything that we purchased the show and you cannot scratch as a free podcast, and are all kinds of things out there that we talk about blog post music that we've got books and so forth. Hey just one little piece of updated news tomorrow morning on the Sunday I think what it would. Jim, what is today is today the 20 29th. That's it. I up we just recently moved to Montana and I'm still trying to figure out where everything is and but I got an article, the school hit on FOXNews.com tomorrow that you might enjoy and give me the title of it little provocative but is this America's more beautiful than Washington DC. And as my wife Grace and I were driving across the country. We we we flew gutter Southwest Montana from Nashville and I just couldn't help but to see how beautiful America truly is.

And I think that part of the plumber having in Washington is that we get too many people that are trying to restructure governor country, but they don't see our country and it's a beautiful place and and the people are beautiful. You gotta get to know them, but it's kinda hard to to help meet the needs and see the plights of people that you don't get out there and touch and see it. I think too many people in Washington are sequestered in Washington behind cameras and so forth. And they missed talking and seeing people elicits opportunistic and so that that evidently folks at Fox News thought it was pretty good article in the running it tomorrow so you can see that in the opinion section tomorrow and then we'll put out on the social media and so forth. Follow that hey I wanted to jump in supposedly thought this morning which is always kind of a dangerous thing for me, but I was I was thinking about when things come and go awry. What do you do how do you battle back from the defeat or or difficult times in NRC sports teams. I don't normally use a lot of sports analyses but as I get cut.

Everybody seem to do that but are both her sons played balding and schoolbook baseball in high's football and so forth and I was noticing the when when when teams are trying to build something and certainly build back from something they don't come up with trick place they go back to the fundamentals in baseball. You can learn to throw hit catch run and you to do that over and over and playing as a team you don't come up with trick place you you simply go back to the fundamentals and you drilled those things down over and over.

I remember when when Lou Holtz took over the University of South Carolina gamecock football program.

I'm originally from South Carolina and and I was.

I heard the story that the they showed up in and they come got in the huddle and then they clapped and went to the lab, but the kind of just all sauntered to the line.

They didn't really do it as a team and he stopped practice and he made them huddle up clap in unison and walked to the line and use it to do that over and over and over throughout the day, and it is seem like there would be a small thing, but to Lou Holtz who has a significant history as a winning coach that was not a small thing and so I thought about the fundamentals of teamwork of precision of discipline and anchoring ourselves, and in those fundamentals and as caregiver. Sometimes I think we can get lost we can get ourselves alone, all of which way it is hard to know which way is up. Swift go back to the fundamentals and when you when you are dealing with suffering in another human being and you are struggling to watch someone deteriorate either mentally or physically or or live with a lot of pain in my case, my wife was with so much pain.

She had a traumatic accident back in 1983 that is you has lifelong implications. Surgery gives over 80 both legs are golden buddies broke. She lives with a lot of pain and when you have to watch this over and over and over and over again. Are you what somebody a child with special needs and in their struggling and you know that you're never going to be able to do things with them and we had a guest on last week with her daughter was 27.

She knows that you know her husband's original Walker daughter down the outlet problems never going to be of a factor.

You know those kinds of things as those are hard things and when you get that way you go back to the fundamentals. I have found in my life. You go back to the photos because I think we start asking those why God questions it would torture ourselves was somehow thinking that we can ask God why is going to happen some networking to get an answer that we can understand and it's gonna make us smack her for head and say oh okay that makes me feel better and and now I okay got. Now I know why you did that and if you go back in the book of Job, you know you had 38 almost 30 subchapter over 37 chapters where God allowed bad theology to be on display in Scripture plays Job's friends try to speculate on why this was happening to him, and at the end of it. God shows up in God ever told Job what was happening were not good to know why some things but we go back to the fundamentals of what we do know what anchors us, what keeps us solid.

What we do know what do you know is a caregiver.

What do you know you talk about will come back in 80 589-8840 will be right back. So for caregivers. Caregivers hosted by caregiver, I am Peter Rosenberg. This is hope for the caregiver, the nation's number one show for the family caregiver were here for you as a character help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not how you feel.

888-589-8840 888-589-8840. I think a lot of times we talk about go back to the fundamentals process caregivers.

I think a lot of times we as caregivers get so disoriented in this journey we we still don't know which way is up. Sometimes, and and it's hard to kinda find solid footing.

What do you believe, why do you believe it, how can you, how can you function in this and we we talk a lot about defending our faith and we will all be prepared to go about it and talk about our faith to the world but are we prepared to defend our faith to our own hearts.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is when David and his men were coming back and they that they got off to the battle they can while they're gone. The Amalekites came in and took everything from the women in the children's their animal. Everything just took it all and David's own men in a rose up to stoning and David.

It said strengthen himself of the Lord.

I mean the his own men would had rocks and they were degraded to pummel the sky and killing and any strengthen himself of the Lord. Are we prepared to do that for our own hearts as we are being pummeled by the things that we deal with his caregivers and is referencing the last break there, but Job you know what week Job had all these things happen to them and that his friends show up on my favorite verses of the Scriptures. Job 213 where it says that you know they sat there silent with them for seven days. A lot of times people can't be silent with us for seven minutes.

But these guests at their they were so aghast by what happened to Job. They sit there silent with them for seven days and then all the theological wheels came off when the sky started talking and started speculating about why God was doing this why God was doing that it's of God allowed this in Scripture to be displayed for 30+ chapters go back and look at it of these guys with bad theology and in God allowed it for whatever reason, and to show it and then at the end of this whole episode God shows up and never told Joe why he had to go through what is going through. Never told, and I think when we face suffering in our life relentless suffering that just doesn't seem to go away.

We we asked was why God questions and I get that been there done that got the T-shirt I get it grace you have gone through this, but 3+ decades of this has driven home the point is that the why God questions really don't satisfy.

They don't date it what what's gonna tell us what you go to say this going to make us go. Okay good I feel better.

We know why that she's had have 80 surgeries in her legs amputated. She lives with relentless pain this letter to go away you know though those things are good anchors but if we go back to the go deeper and go to the fundamentals of our faith and what are the fundamentals of our faith argued prepared to defend that to your own heart. Can you look at yourself and say okay part of the strengthen you in the Lord in the midst of this while you're watching a loved one with Alzheimer's. Just absolutely go off a cliff while you got a family member who is an alcoholic that will not stop drinking and causing chaos with every relationship around what you have a child with special needs that seizes all the time and I just go down the list. Are you prepared strengthen yourself in the Lord and anchor yourself in the fundamentals and are you soliciting people around you who can help you do that in American family radio that's what every day 24 seven is programming to help strengthen you in the fundamentals of people to come up want to tell you they know why things are happening with you. You don't give them a wide berth. I don't really listen to people like that they don't know they'll probably lie about other things to visit. That's not the point.

We need people alive so come up and anchor us in solid ground and help us get back to a place where we can stand securely and catch our breath in the start with the basics you don't were sinners were sinners, that live in a sin filled broken world. That's not going to change until Christ comes back and every one of us are broken and just because what what happens. I think it becomes convenient for us as caregivers, at least for me to be distracted by Gracie stuff that it consumes me that it doesn't that that it somehow distracts me from dealing with my stuff you want. Just as broke as she just on a different level and we all are and in and that's the whole point of the Gospels that we cannot save ourselves.

We cannot fix this is caregiver. Sometimes I think we get keenly aware of something that maybe others does much because we run into something that just cannot be fixed, and world were relentlessly faced with is just a click away and and we look at every single day and we try to push ourselves and push ourselves and push ourselves to do it and then after several years by case decades. It kind of dawns on us that this is beyond us. This is just beyond us and that's it. That's not a bad place to be theologically when we realize that were up against something we can't control.

I think, is that illusion of control that we think we have that is very dangerous force, but when we come to that place were realize we can't control this. We are broken people in a broken world with no way of being able to un-break ourselves to heal ourselves backup of sit on a play want time with us And he was going to a place I think is a Minnesota sump. Someplace where there is a big headquarters for occult and and he was reading a book, but it's going to try to make his pilgrimage to this place and I asked him about what his cult believed that he did call it occult, but you it was and and he said will we looked inwardly to ourselves and we become our own Savior and I stopped right there. I said oh no, brother. That angle work for me. I've seen my work. I don't want to be both safe us.

He put I could tear it out bad.

I could mess this up. I need something better to keep to tooth this and he looked at me really puzzled that I shared with him about why look to Christ because I said I need a Savior. I need to see as a caregiver do you do you get to that point, we realize that you cannot undo this. You cannot fix this, not just your love ones brokenness, but your brokenness. See, these are the fundamentals of our faith that we are are incapable of of restoring ourselves in this regard and David model that force he he he ministered to himself.

He refreshed himself, restored yourself in the Lord but not in his own strength and Paul echoed that, years, centuries later, was that I can do all things across his strength. These agony all things by myself as caregivers. I think sometimes we try to tackle so much work for pushing herself to the brink that we end up collapsing nephew have a collapse yet is a caregiver, given time and if you have, you understand what I'm talking about. It's just it's it's only a matter of time and in and so when we anchor herself back in.

These truths of the gospel. Okay number one we are broken. We are broken sinners in a sinful world and you can't understand the message of the gospel unto you, understand the message of our sin is hard to craft a Savior. You don't think you need and I'll start with this up with a friend of mine yesterday about this and I think so many of us spend so much time trying to tell us of over good people were this this that you know were not you think you're a good person trapping a caregiver for a couple decades you'll figure out real quick. He ate it because it there's nothing there is nothing like taking care of somebody who suffers for a lengthy period of time to expose the gunk. The senior also and if you haven't seen it. Just wait built and those of you who've done it understand what I'm talking about and you see yourself and yet you hang your head and in shame and frustration, and that's what we need to go back and anchor ourselves back in the fundamentals anchor ourselves and understand that we are all broke and Paul said that so beautifully and in Romans seven when he said you know I do the things I don't want to do don't do things I wanted, who can save me from this body of death you feel that way is a caregiver that you just you just hang your head. I do the things I don't want to do don't do the things that I know that I want who can save me and then he just declares with with such emphatic enthusiasm. It is the man Christ Jesus and rescinded that level of brokenness and even more that the gospel comes into it. Us is caregivers. This is look you're not here to fix this.

It's beyond you.

There's a different role that you play here and I want to teach you things in it you use a suffering CS Lewis's suffering is God's megaphone uses suffering in our life to chisel away at things to to to bring us to a deeper knowledge of him.

I don't know why doesn't I don't particularly like that he doesn't, but I know that he does do it if you look through all of Scripture.

You see, over and over were hardship and pain and difficulties in loss suffered or part of the of the, the, the process of of going deeper into God's relation with God through Christ. Even Christ learned obedience through suffering.

But for the glory set before him endured. These are the fundamentals of our faith. Eight 885-8980 need somebody to stand with you as you encourage yourself that today Michelle 888-589-8840 885 eight 984. This is hope caregiver dispute arose so for caregivers hosted by design for caregivers of funerals, but I'm your host, and I'm glad you're with us. This is hope caregiver on American family radio if you will be on the show. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 and were talking about defending your faith to yourself as a caregiver you know we do a lot of times a fellow of folks have all the right worse to go out there and they say it in public. You know I've had people call the show is that how you feeling well.

I'm blessed but I just hate my mom, you know whether think the talk of the God talk but do they talk with God talk to themselves. Do the delete properly speak to their own heart. Like David did it stick leg with his men with stone or do they encourage himself of the Lord, do you know how to do that is a caregiver in those late night conversations with the ceiling fan when you are struggling when you are just so frustrated, so angry, so despairing.

Do you know how to do that you have people around you that can do that was lucrative, the buffer and Tammy posted on Facebook love you problem so Facebook love and hope for the care Facebook and I love what she's a lot of crud comes out, up and out, up and felt before you get to self-realization of our constant need for God and I think that we caregiver sometimes functions hi you multitaskers were were moved around try to do everything and we don't realize just how needy we are before God.

We don't realize our own brokenness were just as broke it were just as much in need of a Savior as our loved one, but were so busy trying to carry someone to Jesus that we don't realize how much we need Jesus ourselves is that you as a caregiver is that where your headspace is. If so, this is the place for you. We speak fluent caregiver here I been doing this for 33 years as a caregiver we speak fluent caregiver here. But guess what I got a better news for its our Savior's native tongue. The two years and there's things going on in your life there broken things in your life that I know Scripture teaches throughout all Scripture is interested in working out in your life. Yes, I know your love ones needs are pressing, but just because they're acting out in a way if they have a mental illness. They act out in a way that is causing distress that they stop acting out of that way is nothing to say to make your life a better if they stop using or or or abusing alcohol or using drugs.

The stucco make it all go away for you. If your level gets out of pain today. If the cancer is gone. You still have you to deal with in your seeing as a caregiver.

Some of the things that are in that are working in the bottom of your soul that we deal with things. What is the gospel look like in that you know he knows your name were so busy try to shout out our loved ones named Christ he knows your name is engraved on the palm of his hand. Why is this important. We have this conversation because caregivers are so lost in someone else's story that they don't that that that that someone else's pain and suffering is obfuscating their own pain and suffering and that needs to be dealt with to live a Savior that can do both.

He's the ultimate multitasker we are not were poor imitations of what he can do both with good Lori and Texas Lori good morning how you feeling more overwhelmed with what's going on. Well, I a lot of a lot of itching all over his body with liver disease and I would like to know how I can handle the pain and suffering that he is going through without letting it overwhelm me so that I can help him.

I almost feel like you have to separate myself from that in some way you do. This is an area that I truly get my was not noted, the day without this kind of payment 33 years of our marriage, and she's been doing this with.

She's been hurt for 36 years and you do you you sometimes have to separate yourself other tears streaming down your face sometime just to turn your face and you just have to catch her breath away from him.

Sometimes it is a hard thing to watch someone suffer, and there times when his sister just clinched and you just want to just you were so angry about it and you feel so helpless about it. I get that but you have to understand you didn't cause this.

And you cannot fix this and you you I go back to it. This is what for me this is what I learned a principal to this a long time ago and I have to remind myself again with some of the fundamentals they have to remind myself this but our son when he was three years old was at preschool and he fell off of being at the playground and cut his chin pretty badly and we went over there.

We got it.

We took him to his pediatrician and he needed a couple stitches in his chin and so the pediatrician I held him while they they numbed up his chin and then the they sold them up and I was looking our son and he was just screaming bloodied murder when he was terrified.

He was just he was so distraught and there's no way that I can explain to him stitches infections antibiotics and is the shaman is no way I can explain releasing since three and I just held him and Wally. While the doctor was doing this and I just kept looking into his eyes that were filled with bagel tears.

I kept saying it's okay that is here that easier okay that easier BRI than after was over, I just held out. I know me Lori. I know me, I know what what a lousy center. I and if I can do that.

Imagine how much more heavenly father does to you not just your husband to say to you, Lori. It's okay, daddy's here and he's watching this with you.

He's not unaware of this and for whatever reason.

This is the journey. Your husband has to go through in this is the journey you have to go through. I do not understand it.

I don't like is the journey Grace you have to go through do not like that is no God, where he is a price and and what I'm going through.

I promise you I promise you is this the S 33 years of this I promise you he is. It's just not easy and you this is why do the show you what I do the show because I know how lonely these places are. When you watch someone suffer like you have your watch.

I know how lonely this is an II want you to know that you're not alone in this and that there is a place for you to get to that solid ground for you to breathe when you realize okay this is just awful, but it is not yours to fix and you can care for your you can you. You truly cannot.

Neither Canada and you can care for them and you can love them and one of the ways you to go to care for him best is to help yourself get some air to strengthen yourself in the Lord in this to put good stuff into your own heart, so that those moments come when it is just absolutely beating you down. That just like David when his own men headstones and ready to killing strengthen himself in the Lord and chronic pain is a is a is a horrific thing to watch another human being is terrific and to go through for certain that it's also horrific to watch and I know when I'm strong and you know it'll be all right. I know that help could help them sometimes hard to find his that's not your responsibility. By the way, you can help it, but is not your responsibility to make sure you you you are always that way for him and you can do certain physical things in the house sometimes with with my wife a she she has it in of creature comfort things that you can do you can help with softer music lot of loud noises tend to be a problem you can.

There's a lot of there's a lot of food things you can eat that will help with inflammation or pain type of things. There's a little just diet your physical things you can do emotional things you could do spiritual things you can do, but I promise you that that it's it's he's not abandoning you in this thing and their other people document this early understand it until you've lived until you've lived this you are not going to get this but your live and you understand and it is a hard thing to watch someone suffer, but it's also hard thing for you to suffer in silence on this and you have to realize how vulnerable you are in this moment to despair and everything else. And so you you better serve your husband when you're doing what is necessary to care for your own heart your own body for your own spirit. Okay so you know II did a CD called hope for the souls for the caregiver and you can go listen to it online, neglect or website and say listen to just listen. Some of the music. Let me let let let me play for and and Gracie sing a few songs of this that there's one you can hear balm in Gilead and she sings this starts off with. Be still my soul. And that goes in the balm in Gilead best arrangement I biased, but it's the best arrangement of that hymn of ever heard because it was sung by somebody who's up a gray she's no Kim Singer made a new kid in sing and we did. This arrangement of this together and it is I did it just for people who are just suffering in a member when she saying this that she did it lab to track Jim's plane right now just listen to her sing balm in Gilead and Lori still with me that song she saying that in wheelchair live to track know that what that means is that there was no editing on voice we just plaited two of us played piano vocal together and she did that live to track one take and she was sitting there and my friend Chris Latham came over to the house. He's a Grammy award-winning engineer Nashville and some of the house. He ran a cord into the kitchen where she is there to blocked off their nose at the piano room and and she said there with the dog sit beside her and just saying balm in Gilead. Sometimes I feel discouraged and my days are filled with pain and I rearrange that section, added that little bit to it because we understand what it's like to go through those kinds of things and it's hard to watch someone suffer, and I am so glad that you took the time to call this morning just to be able to hear someone else who understands what you're going through and say he is not abandoning and it doesn't mean that you can ago would have just in a rainbow and sunshine's wrist the day here or tomorrow or anything else. It means that you can go back and you watch your husband deal with harsh realities. Soma will go back and watch Gracie do with harsh realities of Lydia's we want to do it alone and wheedled her to do it without any hope that we anchor ourselves back to the fundamentals that there is a balm in Gilead that balm of soothing balm would rent recognize this is not the end of the story and it is necessary for you to do to keep yourself healthy. This, and for you be able to breathe and offer him the comfort that did you want to be able to do it but you can't do it on an empty tank and so are you involved in a good church situation. Good good is your pastor know what you guys going through, and talk to my head sometime good friend this you know what you're going through. I don't know that he understands that, but as to the listen must you and I'll help you out. Hope given the vocabulary among about a real passion mission here to help pastors understand the vocabulary of what it looks like and sounds like to talk to caregiver because a lot of times I don't know come visit your husband but you.

You're there to and it's hard it's hard to sit in the pew while everybody else is sing and victory Jesus in your thinking.

I don't get it why I got out I understand, and in so I wanted to just you have that conversation with you just keep you one little bit longer. Just so you just have another voice that just says to you hey you don't want. You don't, you're not alone in this, and here's how I've I've learned here's what I've learned through it and here's what I'm learning through and by the way my audiobook mother try to oversell something it's it's less the price of a happy meal but you get the audiobook of hope for the and downloaded. Just listen to it and its short chapters that none of these things I do are are complex there there easy to read easy-to-understand of the written for people who are in the midst of craziness. The don't have time to read war and peace the edge of their living through too much more than a much piece and and so I wanted to be able to provide things in my blog post and and the music that I have out there to take advantage of it. Lori just take advantage of it and just keep listening the show.

The podcast is free download that you know what this whole conversation will put it out there on the podcast will later you listen to yourself and me have this conversation because caregiver will very helpful with think you and II it. It was.

I remember when I turned that into the publisher of the final manuscript message and I thank them because I said this is going to help other people who are in such despair. There are so discouraged they feel so cut off.

They feel so ignored they feel so alone and I am on a mission to let them know that they're not and in wheat we are weird. I can't count how many people have asked me about my wife Gracie over the years, but I count the was asked about me that I bet you the same way Archie that problem. I go to church and for the people come out and father all say how your husband how is he doing that overwhelmed. I like how them first and sometimes I give stock answers to people that are not really within my certain circle and I'll say you know you know she's she's doing better than she was. But she's not where she'd like to become a thing or whatever I need to say to be able to cut etc. because I don't need to read out her chart to every just everybody I'm too much out of the public eye and so is she for me to sit there and give an itemized list of what she's going through and you don't need to do that either, but you do need to have because you do need to cultivate those friends around you that that you can share those things with that that it that it's that's a safe environment for you to do so. Support groups and things like that of counseling. I recommend you all this because of things are available that that I would recommend and are worthy of your time and doing you know what you can always call it here because my first question to you is always good to be, how are you feeling I know your husband's a pain. I know he is situation. I could almost you don't describe it for you at uncannily described for because I live with us along. It is not that I don't care about him but I know that he doesn't have much of a fighting chance at all.

If you're in a bad place in this is your time just to kind of just a and I need somebody to let me know. I'm not going nuts and you know what you not what your daily will and I do more than I understand he understands he really does.

It is not unsympathetic to this, he is not uncaring and he is not unaware and it is not unavailable in this and every one of his promises mean something. It's not to come in the timeframe that we always wanted to be, but that's we go back to the fundamentals. For this we know that truly all these things do work together for good to those who love God are called according to his purposes.

That's hard Scripture.

For those of us were watching this. We can anchor ourselves, and that no and okay he who began a good work in us is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus, and those scars in his hands mean something your husband's injuries.

My wife scars all of her body. Those things are not permanent.

One day she will have all of this taken away from, but his scars are permanent and those scars mean something to those bleak moments when you are just you're just pulling your hair out you are you you just truly can't don't feel like you go on. I which I once remember that that his scarred hand is holding onto your scaredy promise you this. You call any time you want, Lori.

Okay chronic pain spouses we wheat we have is our own unique language us with chronic pain spouses and so you call anytime you want it.

It means so much that you took the time to trust us with your paints more okay thank you Lord all right. Let's see if I can go to Vicki in Mississippi, Vicki, good morning. How are you feeling morning area. I'm fine what's going on with Debbie how you feeling I found you several months ago about my mother had died and let out my front of my family to be seven. Even this, you did not say yeah well couple weeks after that I was in my raiment not hurt him get beaten the crap out of his girlfriend…… Hopefully. And yet they came and arrested him to come off without the next guy.

He was angry every time you come here the very first time you write your voice so you get a B for Colin again. I'm down here and I gave you God I can't do anything with you and you are ground you know where your help is if you need, and he let his daddies and he walked like 10 miles from his daddy at my house the next week and tell me he was so sorry he had a van on the road to recovery even going to the VA could in-house treatment program. And we've had a couple of setbacks and when that happen I just blocked and vodka mama found when renting a house or anything else and it has just been amazing. You know, and is a complete sentence known as a complete sentence in you sounds so much different than the last time we talked how lying on I found out that an you know he had a couple of job you know in that time and he gets overwhelmed easily. I don't know that he'll ever be able to actually hold a job but that's why you got one to the VA that he can get a service-connected and get his disability that he will have it all, regardless of what had him regardless what happens to him. You're in a better place exactly and that's that's a good thing you you you know he he may or may not make it, but you have to and I never, never doubt you made the right if you have and he said you know you are manipulating me anything fair I'm not writing at that if you kill me and my mom a little bit earlier what you not going to day hearing form it may make my lot a Vicki you have made my day. Congratulations, you are well on your way to being just I'm so proud of you. I am just so proud of you. This is hope for the.com dispute Roseburg will see you next week. Thank you Vicki