Friendly Fire and the Family Caregiver

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Gracie now at Walter Reed Army Medical Center and we we went there a lot when she was a little bit stronger and we would visit with wounded warriors. She saying for the groundbreaking ceremony of the FET training center. Gracie is a double amputee for those who don't know my wife and we did a lot of events with the military and I was talking to a several soldiers in the PT room and their families and Gracie was over to the side.

She went to see a young man who was working on a table to he was laying down on the table and he was missing his leg, his right leg. She went over there to say how you doing sausage is one of the great design was older and he was incredibly rude to her that he was just laying on the table. He looked up and he saw this beautiful woman standing next to him and he could just see her basically from the waist up.

Gracie wears her prosthetic legs uncovered. She doesn't have any skin covering on them, but he could see the and this man was just really rude when he was just ugly and we met a lot a lot of soldiers a lot of wounded warriors over the years and never had any of them be this ugly to Gracie and she was a little bit taken aback, and he snapped at her and said you know what would you know what what you doing here.

He was just really ugly to and she stopped for a moment and then she cut out regained her composure and the PT gadget was working with her said hey you might work with this guy sitting. You might want to listen to her is like at what Chino and then Gracie propped her foot.

Her prosthetic foot onto the table beside his head right there and she held onto a bar while she was doing that and she looked at him strangely and he sees this prosthetic foot sitting right beside his head and she looked him right now. She said hey you're not the only one in here dismissing the leg big boy and she was worried by the way, a beautiful shoe that she was doing it and he looked at this prosthetic foot reps in his head and then he looked down he saw her other prosthetic leg and then the soldier in him manned up and he nodded to her and and they were able to have a conversation he had been hurt over in Afghanistan, I believe, by his own troops and he got hurt in friendly fire with eco-friendly fire his own team basically that in his mind.

Is this the way he looked at it his own team hurting and wounded friendly fire while she was talking to that guy was across the PT room and I was talking to a family. The young man was in a halo.

He was wearing head are all scum stuff in his head and his neck and then he was missing his right leg and he of them.

The mother was with them and you know they were they were in pretty good spirits and I said where's dad and his mother's face clouded over and she said he's gone.

Good riddance. Friendly fire in hurt by your own team stuff and another fellow that same kind of thing is it it. He is both legs were gone above the knee and he lost a minute ID and it was one of those things that it just it was pretty graphic wounds and if you haven't seen those things it's it's it's hard to see it and integration have been around a lot of amputees over the years, but it was still hard to see but he was joking and he was laughing and he was cut not been all that, Stefan Rasmussen, how are things at home. That's when his face clouded over and he looked like he and his wife were to make choosing, leaving friendly fire you ever feel like you getting hurt by your own team as a caregiver you feel like the people that you're supposed to lean on and care for in the parting you friendly fire. This is the journey for lot caregivers. The person that they're caring for hurts them and a lot of you are dealing with it right now. 888-589-8840. If you're this the place for I watch the soldiers struggle with that reality. Whether it was their own unit and it was just a mistake in the sky lost his leg but he was so bitter he couldn't even brag about his injuries in his mind because they were not sustained from the enemy. He didn't take one for the team. He took one because of the team in his mind, this mother who was taking care of her son with devastating wounds and her husband just left left him to hang out this man who lost both legs first country fighting and his wife leaving her hard realities that are not unique to soldiers. They are consistent with the family caregiver and many of you are dealing with this reality right now. Friendly fire you, taking care of apparent that has been a rock for you and also another cursing at you and swearing at you and and saying all kinds of demoralizing things to you the dementia or whatever else has gripped him and grabbed hold of woman who knows or urine your interglacial somebody lesson addiction in the alcohol or drugs is devastating to you and your take it on the chin, or your church has all but abandoned because of what you're going through because your child with special needs X out.

Sometimes it's kind of friendly fire really talk about the talk about the ultimate recipient of friendly fire, written about how you can navigate through this make peace with this stand strong about 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. This is hopefully caregiver this nation's number one show the family caregiver here for you and would love to do this is 880-589-8888 589-8840 showing people's murder and bringing the three decades of experience to stay strong and healthy is to take care of someone is not talked about friendly fire animal to go back in the repeat that story because it was such a powerful moment when we were at Walter Reed.

I was over there.

The PT said and I watch Gracie walk over to meet with the young soldier who was laying on the physical therapy table and the physical therapist was that his head and the young man was working out. He was missing his right leg below the knee.

Gracie walked over there and she looked that she performed that day. It will treat a pretty big event and she looked fabulous and he could just see her from the waist up and didn't know that she was a double amputee yourself she Walters I don't soldier and he snarled at her and he was so ugly and cheap she never had any soldier culture this way and she was a little bit how this thing and and and the PT guy felt really embarrassed for and he because he could see Gracie knew she was and he told the soldier he said you might want to listen to her and he was just really hateful like he was swearing to, you know what she know and yada yada yada and that's when Gracie propped her one of her prosthetic leg. She held onto Barton Proctor right by his head up and she was wearing a lovely shoe she had these metal legs, and so forth and she looked straight in his eyes and she said you're not the only amputee in here, big fella and that he looked over and saw that she was balancing on her remaining prosthetic leg and that's when the soldier in him manned up and they were able to have a conversation he had been hurt by his own team.

It was an accident. This is one of those things. Rightly fire is what they call it, and he and his mind could even rejoice in the fact that he taken one for his country. He had taken one because of his country and and he didn't feel honoring the wound or anything like that and he was bitter he was angry about you.

Have you been hurt by your own team. Have you been hurt by those that you trust. We've all hurt the ones closest to us. This caregiver sometimes you can take devastating wounds from the very person you're caring for that.

I've known way too many people who were changing the bed and and adult diapers while being cussed at by the very person that they were caring for.

I've known way too many people who've had their parents in the state of dementia or whatever.

Take swings at very close friend of mine. This is bank at his father and always tried to give us finally took a swing another friend. Her father tried to choke her room speak to a group of caregivers at a conference in Alaska one time and bunch of nurses there also caregivers and I said how many of you all been grabbed by your love on 100% 100% that's having been choked in nearly hundred percent of them had been choked by level of friendly fire. How do you deal with this. What is it mean to you as a caregiver. How many of you all been in the situation and we all been hurt by the one you're caring for physically or emotionally. I would pretty much imagine that about 100% of those are hard wounds are and if you need to talk about it. 888-589-8840. You don't have to have any kind of glue boards anything if you just need to call and cry about soaking 88 858-9884 but I will read Scripture to UK Isaiah 53 verse six through 10. All we like sheep have gone astray. We have turned everyone to his own way and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all think he's talking about, Christ the Lord put all this iniquity on Christ� He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth.

He, Christ is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he opened not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment and who shall declare his generation, for he was cut off from the land of the living for the transgression of my people was he stricken and he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death because he had no violence, neither was there any deceit in his mouth. I want to listen very carefully what I'm get ready right here verse 10 yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him. He has put him to grief when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, it pleased the Lord to bruise him. Christ on your behalf. You see we have a Savior, who is the ultimate recipient of friendly fire. He took one for the team by the end because of the team and he took it all. So when you have a level that you're caring for who is treating you so hateful and is breaking your heart because whatever sin the disease. Whatever the impairment is caused them to do these things when you have that.

Please understand that you have a Savior that gets what that's like he knew he knew that ultimately what was happening to him on the cross, pleased his father that this was the will of the father that he do this even cried out about why have you bent. If you for sick. He understood friendly fire in ways that you and I will never have to, but he did it for you. He did it for me. He did it for each of us. He did for all of us. It's hard when we care for those who are not treating this well it's hard when we do this. In fact, the very people that our Savior was dying for were mocking him. So as a caregiver when you're caring for someone who is deriding you abusing all these things. You don't have to sit there and take it you don't have to be just a punching bag for these folks you have to do that but you also don't have to take it into your spirit that somehow the negative vote on your worth what you can do is identify with the sufferings of Christ on that and understand that Christ himself gets what this is all about, and board that to that you can't and you share in his sufferings with this. You do not have to be in bondage to whatever comes out of the mouth of that love when you're caring for Utrecht with me on that one, but I think so many caregivers tend to take that in and they're looking at a face of someone that they that should love them should talk to them in a loving way or a face that they've grown up in a voice that they've known for their entire lives and all of a sudden things are coming out of there that are just awful and it's heartbreaking or they been doing to a church for a long time and it also they show up with a special needs child. They have the situation or their daughter goes off the rails and gets into a drug addiction issue and and you can just almost feel the judging eyes on you as you go to church if they will would you do wrong is apparent. Your son is an alcoholic or or whatever or gets involved in all kinds of things it what dose there's no limit to the kind of messes that we can get into because of sin, and you can just feel the ostracizing of the church on you as you go through the that's friendly fire, and those wounds are just as devastating. That young man that Gracie saw Walter Reed his leg was just as amputated as if somebody from Caliban or whatever had taken it off. It was just as amputated friendly fire wounds are devastating.

Are you doing 888-589-8840 fill in spring Texas feel good morning. Are you feeling this morning I'm feeling rather great, thank you for what you get on your month and in the morning and speaking one night in thanks am a caregiver lady outnumber some time to just overcome cancer for the court time they've declared cancer free again and right got the time to have her on a med that is both to keep it away. Keep it at bay so that it yet not very what you are thinking about work there judgment upon what you're doing on the accusation on what to do lady two years younger than me, but due to the cancer. The Internet is aged or yet that is aged or solicit. We got a run to the breaker click gather your thoughts attend what we can help you with that. Talk about will be right back. No money where will be right back okay Rosenberg this is hopefully caregiver will go like this. Rosenberg. This is the nation's number one show hope 888-589-8845 eight 988 we were talking about friendly fire. I want to talk to real quick before I go back to fill. I want to do a shout out to a lady in Ohio just sent me a message over the break and she is struggling to forgive herself because she calls friendly fire to her son and I I hurt with you and I understand the trauma that is in your soul. I too have caused my share friendly fire and she struggling to forgive herself.

I did I tell you what. It's a hard thing to Walter that because that you cringe over the guilt and you cringe over your your the horrific choices of things that you done I get.

There's a reason of the crash test dummies caregivers you know because if you could fail at it.

I failed at it, but every time you do this every time you think about that every time those things come in they just almost called you to go into the fetal position and just despair want you to understand that every bit of that has been plunged into the very blood of Christ, you hang on the debt that he will redeem every bit of that. He is the greatest junk collector in the universe. I've got a got and he's a carpenter and he doesn't even waste the sawdust of the things that you meant for evil.

The things that you met for bad things that you did out of your own anger and out of your own selfishness or demanding this or send whatever fill in the blank. All those things that you did that were not in accordance with the will of God. Guess what he will weave every bit of that into his purposes and he will get the glory for and will be able to rejoice together in it. Okay, spend a little bit of time going back and look at Joseph with his brothers and when they came before him when he was ruling there in Egypt.

Just second under Pharaoh, and he looked at his brothers is what you meant for evil he meant for good and I know that your son is passed away and you can't undo this and there are some things that we do in our journey that we just cannot undo. I get that I get that in ways that I hope none of you have her understand. I get.

But what's done is done now, except where it is and we trust that in Christ we are forgiven in Christ we are perfect, and if you can't somehow work up the wherewithal to release that in your own life then stand on the fact that he's done that on your behalf and you walk it and as he said to the woman caught in adultery which I never understood why they did bring the man either, but that's the difference segment Lisa go and sin no more about that. So hang on to that in those dark moments when you want to grieve so hard that you Katie but you're afraid of recognize that he who began a good working you is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus. He's working that out. You could trust him. The scars that you cost to yourself into your son. Please understand this. Those are temporary.

The scores a Gracie Hess from Rick, those are temporary but the scores that he has those apartment and that mean something though scores were taken for you and what you are struggling with right now.

Okay, thanks for reaching out to me on that and it takes me that let me know what you keep a list of the show that I want to get the podcast listen to this again and again and again until he gets so far down in your spirit that you willing to take a tiny step of faith and belief.

This is what I do when I look back at the scars that I've caused. It's almost too much and there's a reason that her windshield is a lot bigger than a rearview mirror. Okay to keep our eyes focused on Christ where he's taken us back to fill fill. I wanted just to circle back to you and ask you okay Woody you tell me about your friend with cancer you're taking care of them tell me where it were, again, are you in this process of all right at the moment. I myself right now I am amazed at how my Lord can take someone hurting ailing such deep pain and the and heal her bring her back time and time again how are you in this process. The how God is working your friend with cancer, but I really wanted here is you is the caregiver hope for the caregivers to show how I am doing is not all that good. Okay I got married girl that courted that were here, not realizing that the religiously worship 30 feet on in September every year and her failure to launch boys have reclaimed her and she filed divorce on that. That's where I met and I am a veteran and I have poison while I service Philemon all kind of mad when we married, we went to live in her home and now that I'm out nine months later she booted me right out on the mailing but I'm still doing the Lord will build ballots for good deed will do what we command are you getting some counseling at the VA or through some other old house license. There is the marriage counselor that I've been thinking through and there also a very good friend of mine who went with me and 2 million back the date the E upright brother's keepers ministry and not Marshall, but you get any kind of professional counseling right now while I'm getting from professional counseling. Good marriage counselor that that up for me and my wife attending alone. But what about getting what about getting some other step it up a little bit. Not what about marriage counseling to solicit the marriage is pretty much pork reports right now. How about just sat regular counseling from somebody there at the VA could walk with you through some other things of I'm not going to do harm to myself or anybody else.

I'm not worried about you doing harm to yourself in that in that sense. What I am thinking is the source. These are some heavy blows and I think you would benefit greatly from having someone navigate you through not only the the the emotional trouble dealing with your sickness with your friend with cancer and now your marriage fall apart me. These are big things to carry and I know that that it would it would benefit you greatly to have some professional help. Just to talk with you just can't give you some strategies to cut a finding your way back to solid ground on some of these issues that would you consider that well at big event out of pocket would not be possible. I have come up with $1500 for the divorce attorney would trump I'm working on now. I got how much is expense of the pocket to go to the VA and talk with a professional counselor, chaplain at the VA I can talk to the chaplain at the VA can also speak with the meaning of my not just my friend but many Pat what have you that I know I am the single minister at the church that and you thought about maybe stepping back over 13 years looking for just the second fill.

Have you thought about stepping back away from being the singles ministry for a while. Let yourself you little bit from your own marriage fall apart at the that what I'm doing. I had to step away from good.

I got terribly sick. Just before I got married and I had the doubt that for talking to people, small group what had I think it probably be good to spend a lot of time healing.

Let nothing to be beneficial to you to do this once you go to the VA and talk to a chaplain that you can trust and maybe even and let that chaplain help you cut a navigate through something my dad's a military chaplain and let that chaplain help you navigate through some things and maybe getting to the point where you could have some regular support groups and counseling and so forth and see if they can help you get to a better place of of healing on your own life your so that you can kinda reorient from this this. These are some pretty big body blows you taken right you pretty big body blessed going to be about two weeks or at another appointment running down there all the time.

Appointment for counseling. It going to be that once you shift to shift from the marriage counseling to just counseling for Phil right now because you know whatever's going to happen you need to be in a healthier place. No matter what how this thing plays out with your wife with your friend with cancer with with you and want to shift from marriage counseling and getting some professional counseling and some support groups and and get to a healthier place for you as an individual before you involve any other people in your life whether student ministry weathers through this, the healthier you are, the better off you could be able to offer to other people about that set up is that a fair place to start.

Yet there at that point.will try that and I want to know how much I appreciate the fact that you you you stepped out of line and in and join in and serve our country. You took some some some injuries because of it with poisons and so forth and let the country return the favor by stepping in and helping you get to place a safe ground okay okay what thank you very much Bill I think you probably left for me when I thank you for for calling the show. Take the time to call it a thank you for being part of the show and limits. Let us know your progress okay when you check back in with us absolutely want Boulevard with transformer the he does indeed and I'm counting on it. I feel thanks so much for the call and let us know your progress okay were pulling 40. This is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver 888-5988 40 880-589-8840. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you. I'm gracing Rosenberger 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis.

We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source and my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others@standingwithout.com.

I'm Gracie. I am staining without caregivers about.

It was hosted by Euro-American 888-589-8840 885 888 by way if you like what you're hearing on this will be part of this. Please quit standing with hope.com get involved when we can do that is you can share about our prosthetic limb recycle. We recently collect use limbs from around the country to go to prison in Tennessee were inmates volunteer to disassemble just heard. Gracie said we we have a lot of neat over there and we need to get these in so that we can disassemble them. Take all the usable part more supplies and send it over stating with hope.com and take a look at what we do spend some time looking at the story and in the work behind this, and we have two ministries.

The prosthetic limb and then the radio show for outreach to caregivers is for the wounded and those who care for them and we invite you be a part of what were doing could support financially could share with others. You put on your Facebook page. Whatever you want to do staining without.com let's let's go to Kyle in Arkansas Kyle good morning how you feeling Kyle good morning good morning how are you well. I'm just delightful. Are you feeling, Kyle.

Work well. I see I note here, this is you you been bitter as a caregiver. Yeah. I still bitter. No good little back for myself. I was all the paratrooper are served in Iraq. I'll actually talk about and our unit we lost regards to my best friend the AAA view. But would like right arm. I got injured I don't I still have all of my limbs, but not have an answer by the way tell your buddy buddy that's a tripling PT don't throw away his old limbs will take God will not okay. We call that operation footloose turn at footloose we can recycle it. Please tell it when he goes to his but he gets new limbs just sent them to us will take a bubble disassemble news and tell me what you got on your mind right now is a caregiver. Could we do have a lot of tough okay so now Michael are now practice primary care for living and so now my role is shifted out of the caregiver but also I been 101. Bitterness and like a chip on my shoulder and truthfully it wasn't until I was being. I started reading this article by Guy yellow.

He reinforced in really help me find my identity in Christ what Christ said about me unit, not the scars of the past everything that is shifted my whole whole paradigm. You know, and so now how the characters arrive patient come see me in.

I have a preseason and not just remind them know that they don't have to have to be there marker of the have to be there a lot.

I used to be like everybody knew me I was a veteran that I served. I went Iraq indoors. I did all this stuff and my relationship with Jesus Christ grown now that like I did that one time that I want people to know that I love Jesus but that I'm a good dad. I'm a good husband and so I deftly want to encourage the caregiver to be speaking truth over the people because it wasn't until I had that that shifted my whole outlook and going on I I graduated second to last in high school and then now I practice medicine you know. Thank you Lottie yeah so wanted to live somebody you know caring for me enough to really speak the truth in my life that that's whatever shifted and so and it's a paradigm shift in my body ever leave it with tripling PT like it until his mind shifted any kind of the same thing you're stuck in the root of bitterness like a silly silly for me about people I know what it was cavernous chip on our shoulder know that's what Hebrews Hebrews calls because he was going cause bitterness by dad that's listing right now and that is that does that resonate and he but we get into these things and it's not necessarily all the the wounds the amputations and all these physical things that we can take, it's what happens in our heart we become train wrecks in our heart, and you get that and we've got to speak life to each other. That's why do the show and that's why this that's why overhears because of were not speak in life to each other for not listening to words of life and what are we listening to. And you know as well as I do the number 22 and why that's important because these veterans undertaken their life every day because who the listing to their listen to dark thoughts and isolation.

They don't see the other path, but eating a gun right now taking pills or whatever and so what were committed to doing used to speaking life and what I'm hearing you say is that it's important to speak life to those in your charge as well, but my thing isn't it. If I'm not speaking life to Gracie. What is she listening to design the loudest voice around are usually if I'm not listening to words of life and how my going to be able to offer words of life correct and this is why do the show right and caregiver perspective.

I have different reasons, but I've got a patient iconic came to me like that coming to the clinic that automatically were very open with our faith and so I counted it. I'd like to share my testimony with but you know I like this doesn't have to be your marker. You know like I don't see you as a person without a leg you I see you as a person and and so also sent speaking the truth. The guy you got more compliant with his medication is just a much more pleasant.

Overall for me.

Being that the" nonanswer the caregiver daily, but you somebody managing his medication and things like that so I I do feel is why you know they both started getting accurate traction go in there and I think that's all good but I want you to focus back on you fill on on Kyle, I'm sorry to Kyle so on. Sorry about that but I want to keep the focus is on you, because what I do here this show is all about the caregiver and and I think that I was when I saw the notes years as you are getting over bitterness is a caregiver so that going away and so I I there is no I used to have a bitterness in my heart every night. I used to have rage and monitored like I that's that's not me. You know I I have moved on. Well, I think that a lot of people out there who are professing believers in Christ to still struggle with bitterness and I don't think you and and in my opinion.

In my experience. More importantly, not my opinion but my experience I don't think that we find Christ think Christ finds us and defines us wallowing around in whatever wallowing around the end and the bitterness thing. I think were going to deal with that for a long time and probably for the rest of our lives. On some level it's always good to come to be there, lurking around ready to to rob us of a sense of peace and and and well-being in commerce and joy because there always.

We could we could choose to to react to people or we can just choose to respond to people and if if if you're like me you probably end up reacting more. I wish I didn't but I do.

I think that we went we were gonna wrestle with this, but every time that we do wrestle with it. We we work hard to wrench ourselves back in the will of Christ.

I go back to what I read earlier today from Isaiah, you know he he did this he went like a lamb to the slaughter. He was not bitter about it. He he put his will into the father's will and didn't even say a word, did not even open his mouth it please God.

For this to happen with him at friendly fire on this today. A lot of people deal with this and and I I would just encourage you for yourself and then for the patients that you treat to recognize that that bitterness is clearly more devastating than amputation.

I've lived with in a PT now for a very long time. I wife's a bilaterally particular and and she said 80 surgeries and a list of severe pain and I can tell you that the afflictions of the heart can be more devastating than afflictions of the body. I have seen it and I saw there Walter Reed went out with these guys when I'm watching the guy that's missing both legs above the knee, laughing, cutting up and tell jokes and when I asked about his marriage, his whole face clouds are so keep speaking life to these people, let them know that were more than the sum of our parts that God is doing something at this extraordinary and that we can possibly understand all that he can weave in and out of this, but that's what this is about. He's the ultimate recipient for friendly fire. He did that on our behalf.

Kyle, thanks so much for the conversation. Kyle, thanks for taking the time to call. Thank you for your service and I appreciate your list and keep us posted on how you doing this is Peter Rosenberg. This is the nation's number one show caregiver.com. Check it out