Relentless Caregiver Advocates for Justice and Relationships

Christmas gift why not the one she can have a couple of chicken maybe it's not the perfect gift for your family, but it gives the perfect gift for poor family ninja chicken can break the cycle of poverty for poor family yes chicken chickens and provide nourishment for family and they can sell mosaics at the market for income when you donate a chicken or any other gospel for Asia one her percent of what you give goes to the field and get the ball went gospel fundraiser to support family. Jesus family this Christmas, give them six explanation or see chickens and other animals campaigned on American family radio… Hope this is the show for as a family caregiver family caregiver part of at 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 why we need to show procured weather 65 million were putting ourselves everyday between vulnerable of one of the worst disaster. Sometimes it looks like taking care of somebody with Alzheimer's. Sometimes that is involving somebody with autism or maybe you have a loved one who has some other type of disease, trauma, addiction, alcoholism, whatever the chronic impairment there's always a caregiver you don't help the caregiver. What happens to patient if the caregiver goes down. It's it's at least a two for one deal in their large caregivers who suffer in silence who struggle with have late night conversations with the ceiling fan over has God forgotten me. Scott care to Scott see this discussion to what's going on in this show is committed to speaking with clarity into that issue to the family caregiver to strengthen and equip them to stay strong and healthy as they take care of someone who is not now in my 35th year as a caregiver, a drawn that experience. A lot of it. I learned the hard way.

Most of it. I learned the hard way.

But those lessons are our foundation for what we offer on this show and I'm very grateful to be a part of American family radio who is now at the forefront of this issue affecting so many people. This show is the nation's largest broadcast show for the family caregiver and why shouldn't be why shouldn't the church and the people of God of the leading this issue. How many other social issues have been co-opted by the world and the church is playing defense. We don't play defense on this were leading the charge on the issue affecting the family caregiver and were grateful that you're with us 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show.

Luke 18 one through eight.

This may be a familiar passage. Some of you. Now he was telling them this Jesus, he was telling the parable to show that it all times. They ought to pray and not lose heart, saying in a certain city.

There was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect me. There was a widow in that city and she kept coming to him saying give me legal protection for my opponent for a while he was unwilling, but afterward he said to himself, even though I do not fear God nor respect man yet because this widow bothers me.

I will give her legal protection otherwise by continually coming, she will wear me out and the Lord said here what the unrighteous judge said now it will not God bring about justice for his elect to cry to him day and night and will he delay long after them.

I tell you that he will bring about justice for them quickly right now how does that apply to the family caregiver. Do you ever feel inadequate as an advocate. Do you ever feel somewhat timid as you try to get justice for your love one is at ever been a problem for you when you go to a hospital administrator and you get a massive bill you try to work that out or Dr. are you trying to confront a surgeon about such and such, or some type of healthcare provider when you are trying to to deal with the adversaries that are coming at you as a caregiver.

Things you got a job for your love one and and in the time that Jesus was was walking on this earth. It will reference this widow. There were very few people very few citizens in that land considered as vulnerable as a widow, that's Marissa Scripture says particular widows and orphans. So here's a woman who is very vulnerable doesn't have a lot of status or really much status at all in her society and she's gone before this guy, this judge who was admittedly not, you don't really have a great guy. Meetings.he doesn't fear God doesn't fear man mentions it twice. This was this is a gather just not dialed into the things of God but this woman is wearing him out and he relents you ever been in a situation where you where you would wear somebody out as you as an advocate as a caregiver. I've been there done that and and one of things I think I have never lost an appeal with an insurance company. We've had a couple of them that the doc said you have to stop and go different direction because this is from take too long.

Okay and and but I've never lost one because once I got involved. I knew that it and I did all my due diligence in the doc says hate this is what we got to half-year. Once I got involved, I would never take no for an answer. I could mistake. And so the insurance company.

I was dealing with Weatherby and have had multiple other we fed I think she's with now her seventh healthcare company that she's dealing with intern 37 journey through severe journeys and she got hurt they they did not know that I would be relentless now a lot of people don't feel comfortable doing that and argue. Have you ever argued with that insurance because I like to hear what you say but but if you ever argued with you ever argued about a medical bill. Have you ever argued with a teacher over your special-needs child. You don't have to be hateful in it, but I think that one of things I found a consistent trait with family caregivers is that Weatherby relentless were not going to give up. You know, because what happens if we do, what happens to I government's got it daughter who had hearing issues and she had to have specialized learning plans and school and and this was during a time when that was starting to become it. It was, it is normal as it is now in her area and or or not.

I guess normal is not the right word, normal decision applies.

Sometimes this is caregivers but it was not as widespread and so she was blazing. Some trails for others, but she was relentless in fighting for her daughter to have specialized learning plans and a lot of the teachers that she dealt with in school administration so forth were just annoyed every time I saw her coming, but they did not question the fact that she was going to bring the thunder and I think that's as caregivers.

This is a Scripture that I particularly like because it shows that even people who don't fear God, they're not there not your friend are not part of the family of God. Whatever, they're not you, not appealing to them for their humanity you not appealing to them for their motions you're coming to them and you just go where amount they're going this woman. She said look I need help I need somebody to protect my legal rights and is caregivers that's that's pretty much what we do here were constantly advocating for someone who cannot advocate for themselves. And here's a situation where we see that that Jesus takes it and flips and said look at this guys do it and he's not a righteous man. This judge was not a righteous man didn't fear God and fear my if he's going to relent.

How much more so will God.

How much more so will God do for his children, who he loves, and you're going to see justice that that's hard when you're in the midst of it because your thinking and how does God ever going to bring anything positive out of this. What good can come of this. And that's a hard question, get it understand. I know it asked. I've struggled with, but here it is in the text that God will do this never going to do in my timeframe. I'm certain Bill Fraser God is never like this is great this a lot of great up to your that's that's a very encouraging Scripture to talk about this more will hear from you. 888-589-8888 589-8040 Roseburg shelving is a family caregiver.com family radio this Roseburg. This is the so for you as a family caregivers like the show are leading the charge to speak to the off the train wreck caregivers heart better equip you to stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not tripling 589-8840 888-589-8840 if you will be a part of the show talk about do you feel inadequate as an advocate you're struggling in the Scripture we read today was Luke 18 one through eight and were talking about how the relentlessness that we often bring to the table which we don't necessarily consider a great gift, but Jesus is spotlighting this with this widow went to this judge, who was not a believer would funding a really good guy. But because this widow wore him out. He said I might give her what she's asked is that how much more so will God do for those crafting him day and night, and as caregivers we know what it's like to have to get in there and fight it with like a punching way above our weight class that we are just so ill-equipped for this. I mean they didn't teach me how to negotiate with hospital administrators when I was in music school.

We have to learn all the stuff on the job and that's why do the show because I want to equip my fellow caregivers in ways that I was not. I didn't have a show like this when I was going through the vast majority of these things and and so I wanted to be able to provide a clear path from a fellow caregivers.

Okay, here's what this looks like it was good to feel like here's how to punch through this thing so let's go to Debbie in Cleveland, Ohio and Debbie good morning, how are you feeling loud how you good very well thank you Tillie tell me what's on your heart and mind. So I want to call and try to be an encouragement to others out there real quick. I have to doubt found with autism. I called in tears shall perform, how to focus on one of them in particular regarding advocacy. So in there and hit early aid in the early years trying to advocate with four ham with insurance companies to pay for things like speech therapy and occupational therapy, and so forth. But then the real challenging time came when he was an adult fell from basically from 2011 until 2020. I had been trying to obtain governmental benefits SSI for my adult fun without an throughout that journey from 2011 through 2020, the Lord you first about he provided for IT provider for my fine and he provided for our family, but also he provided her. Interestingly, I having people encourage me out along the way. Don't give up keep applying keep asking questions and I live about that when some people may say well you know that's it that's several niceties encouraging and in all that stuff but in and in reality, that really did strengthen you when people come come alongside using don't give up keep fighting.

What did they do for you and really, really, put me back in me back on the wagon put me back in the boat to keep persevering because it is easy to get, for me at least, it was easy to give up and to get discouraged, especially during that very long time frame and and it was super encouraging when someone will come alongside and say no you should do this, you keep trying keep asking all I've heard that happen before.

Sometimes it does take a long time but keep advocating and and the Lord product through it and like it said finally here at this this year. After several years of trying might you know both of my funds. Now they do have the benefit to help take care of them. I found that yeah did you go to how to take care of the child with autism school notes are every bit of this, you just learning from trial and error, and you don't and so when you have other people to come alongside that of kind of walk down similar past it really does make you feel a little stronger a little better equipped to deal with this.

You know when you're when you're in the woods hiking in the. The undergrowth is so thick you feel so lost. You know, just to hear another voice and hey, the path is over here and that is just that that's an unbelievable feeling and and so will you Lord you people in my life who were not believers sometimes. People in my life that did not live in the Camino Endo in the world to plant seeds when the Lord would take that and say all yeah this is what you should do next.

And so that was looking back now it was it was quite the journey and and I'm just so very grateful to God.

But yeah I was when I look back and I say all you nonbelievers. People who knew nothing about aunt Betty used a donkey to speak to you know what I take great comfort in that the that I am in the precedents Council President God using the jawbone of a donkey and cast one of those doggies.

But you know I want you to just take a minute with his mother calls her, but I wanted one of you to take just a moment because somebody is tuning into this now for the first time and they have a child with autism and they are of overwhelmed you know what that feels like when you get that diagnosis. What he will say to I want to say there is always a reason to hope. Keep helping take one day at a time. The Lord hears you. For you, and he has a plan to get you through this. Your every step of the way is a new journey every chapter that closes on in our preschool education opened up a new chapter into primary school at education opened up a new chapter into doubt. Services opened up a new chapter into your estate planning and planning for your child when you're no longer here.

It's always going to be a new chapter and this is not my original quote but I will share it. Someone once said, not even the difficult times as you are journeying through caring for your child with some of those might be hard.

Chapter but overall the book is a good book.

So keep reading, keep praying.

Keep helping God cared for you and he hears you when you cry out very good words saying that on the show. Quite often this when you get a bad diagnosis matter what it is with the child born special needs were child with autism will autism is not terminal you you you living a life child can live a full life long life with autism and so I've often said you back me up on this and see if it resonates with Eugene, Debbie, but it's I've often said that the first thing the parents do is they talk to the doctor talk to the pastor and the doctor financial planner in that order. That is a pretty good counsel.

I would absolutely absolutely I'm glad I'm glad to hear that you have punch through some of these things and it means a lot that you take the time to call and listen to the show and feel free to call back again when you have when you have things that happened that you think okay this is something I need to communicate with other people, I can tell us okay because there are a lot of parents out there that are blazing this thing of me that they feel like they're all alone in this thing and they're not and you you your living proof of this. And so I just invite you to to be as engaged as you want to be on the show and and be an encouragement to other families who have special needs children particular autism doctor and the pastor and the financial advisor.

If you run into roadblocks. I got a lot of traction by contacting my to State Sen.'s office for my two State Sen. I got a lot of traction that way.

So, good mental resources as well and they are there and they don't have to fear God or respect man, according to Scripture, they just simply drag you just there in position where they have something that's going to help you when you go and you just beat on the door and is is as much as it takes to get the job done. To me this is what it take all right, Melissa, Debbie, thanks so much for the call and you behave yourself today and appreciate you listed Gina in Texas. Gina good morning, how are you feeling how are you and your well you know what we seem to be rocking right along here. It's was the beautiful weather we had 4 inches of snow on Labor Day and then it was 80° yesterday so go for it is it's hard to know how to if you should pull out the window close yet or not but that was kind of fun.

I liberated what she loves the snow and it was fun to watch that but were doing okay. What you get on your mind. Show I'm calling about the grumpy nap. We don't don't talk to because I really can't think about that primary care job plea work with you really different degree that is a very good question that affects so many family caregivers IT. What will you hold onto the break to talk about that. I this is hope for the caregiver. This build relationships or work together with other family members and dysfunction that is a question so 58 980-888-8589 88 presenting sponsor for what we do here and hope for the caregiver is standing withhold is the minister grace enough that it many years ago when she wanted to provide prosthetic limbs to her for the way 50s we been doing that since 2005, and we have two program areas for the wounded and those who care for them for the wounded is the is the amputee related ministry that we have. We collect use limbs from all of the country they go to prison and inmates volunteer to help us disassemble them so we can recycle the parts within the parts that we buy new parts and then we take teams over to West Africa we been working with the Republic of Ghana for many years with the with their government would teach and equip them to make legs for their own people that will purchase things in country we just purchased a bunch of resin to make brand-new sockets fit for each patient. We just purchased sponsor the lakefront young man we been treating since 2007 I think and you amputees will go through prosthetics and grace yourself as a double beauty and she sends over her own things prosthetic socks and in letters and sleeves and and hardware from her prosthesis as she goes through and I it's it's wonderful ministry and then we have for the wounded and those who care for them. That's what this is this whole outraged family caregivers if you will be a part of that we would welcome your help.

Go to hope the caregiver dot-coms.

Just click on the buttons is donate and whatever's on your heart will send you a copy of her CD about that and it's great. She said no Kinsinger I were talking with Gina in Texas and she's got a family that is dissolved under the strain of caring for father with Alzheimer's and how you how you heal and and that's what we're addressing here today.

So Gina your sister has all the power of attorney and medical power of attorney relic and stuff, but you're doing all the work. Is that what I understand why I am going to start. I don't feel good when needed regarding your I want to know.

I don't want you wearing going to… Call me unique like I can't, you know I like you. You and this is sadly not a unusual situation and so let's let's let's back it way up okay. Did you and your sister have fractions in your relationship fractures in your relationship before your dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

Okay so you guys have not had a great relationship for some time will help you know any good. Well, what happens is if there's any kind of fracture in the relationship.

Being a caregiver will expose that it amplify that to just almost crushing levels. If you got anything going on. It will push the pressure of that particular with Alzheimer's. The pressure of it is just staggering. So what's happened is that it took you and your sister from a a a a truce relationship that we just had had a good truce if you go to stay away from certain subjects and so forth to now is just full-blown battle lines, so to get back to the place of any kind of reconciliation is good be a lot of work and it's can be work that is way outside your purview to be able to orchestrate.

You cannot make your sister be reasonable. You cannot make you be reasonable. You cannot make either one of you forgive, you can't do those things by yourself is going to take a lot of work. Words that start well the first place may be to sit down with some type of family counselor, social worker, licensed mental health counselor somebody Pastor somebody though that can at least have a conversation with you and start giving you some better tools to reach out to your sister then that then then you develop a way to reach out to her. It may be a letter instead of going through her daughter. You just go to her if you can go to her relentlessly say look, I don't. I don't want to fight with you. I want to work this out. I don't know what that looks like, but at this is where my heart is I want to want to have that relationship with you and I want to be a partner in with you and taking care of her father.

If that's something you want and express that to her in multiple ways in multiple times because it's gonna take a while for her to number one believe you would be able to count on and and so these are things that you have to own yeah you bail but you don't need to get into all the drama of why you did it.

You said look I would when people are drowning, they can pull somebody down with them just to be able to get air. That's what happens and that's exactly what that's exactly what you did and so you were you were ill-equipped with the pressure and in the suffocating journey and I get that we all are, but now it's time to go back and reassess okay. Where are we and what are we doing here and and what's what's the what's the next step for us and so I would I would start with that, I would start with understanding that part of the journey of being a caregivers learning how to make amends and were going were going to get it wrong. At one of things I got a book called seven caregiver landmines and one of the things we talk about his excessive weight gain and this is what happens to us because we are we are not in a healthy place. Our bodies reflect what's going on in our hearts and and so you have these moments of overage of depression, of anger, whatever is all the Comanche, so if you can get to somebody who can help you consistently walk through that and give you the vocabulary of what it's like to go to your sister. You don't have to.

You don't have to grovel you have to stay focused on your message on what you try to accomplish or do you want to have a peaceful, loving relationship with your sister once you answer that question. Do you want to help her take care of your father and and once you've established what your goals are, what you're trying to get out of this thing. Then you can go to her and offer these things that she's probably going to be a little bit reticent to get involved assess like she already is.

She didn't want to deal with and likes it when you go to the store, you sear the store and she's just shooting daggers at you with her eyes. She all the pressure you're feeling.

She's feeling with your with your father. She's feeling that now 2+ the added resentment of all things going on with use of this could take a while to detangling this if at all, and some of these things don't get the tangled you need to be prepared for that. Some things don't get fixed the set heaven doesn't mean that God can't do it doesn't mean that God won't do it just means that the nature some these things are that you cannot force somebody to be agreeable with you. You cannot force things that it and try to get the outcome that you want, but what you can do is be as upfront and be as clear and BS is amenable to God healing this as you possibly can. And that's what you asked for help from Scripture, and you asked for help from people around you who are professionals at this and and you can go in there with your airing of grievances. If you going to try to help your sister yet to accept the fact that some of things that you have that are grievances or whatever, they're not necessarily be addressed. You not to get all the things that you want, but that's not the point you're trying to offer and try to push into something. Be prepared to get rejected.

But that doesn't mean you quit if it's important to you. Stay with it and go back to what our Scripture was a day with this widow said she needed something from this guy and he wasn't going to budge, but she just wore him down what you can do the same thing with love to do the same thing with making amends the same thing with offering to help can wear them down so that they will believe your sisters got believe that give you a starting point. All right, listen rep gets the break. Speed Rosenberg will struggle to trust God when lousy things happen to you and Gracie Rosenberger 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others standing without.com. I'm Gracie and I am staining without hope of the caregiving on American family radio this Rosenberger this is the nation's number-one show for you as a family caregiver 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 and we been covering a lot of ground here today but one of the issues that affect so many dealing with this in the caregiving world is the fracture of relationships as our last colored and I want to just cut go back to that just a minute and close that loop you may be dealing with this right now is an effect of certain the vast majority of you either have or are dealing with this is caregivers. It will, it will really strain everything in your life, particularly your relationships and and I I understand this in ways that I hope most of you do not hope none of you to and and I have learned that part of the journey is, is that when you have a fracture in this relationship, no matter how much the strain. No matter how much the challenge. The matter how much the infraction you have a responsibility to do what God is leading you to do and to do the right thing yourself in the right thing may not be to go over there and it was certainly you certainly don't need to take responsibility for things you didn't do. You don't need to apologize for things that are not yours to apologize for. You don't need to just make peace, you need to make amends but not peace, to the best of your abilities, but it may not be accepted and that's their decision to make but you have to do what you are what you know in your heart is the right thing to do and and sometimes were going to give ourselves a way out, of not doing those things we would like to justify because it's uncomfortable, it's unpleasant, but taking ownership of your own stuff is part of the journey. Okay, just the way it is in the moment you start putting sandbags around you and being in the trenches and justifying your position like this. That's a dangerous place for us is caregivers. We just it is what it is and we we we take ownership for own stuff and so go back to Gina in Texas.

You know she's going to the part of her journey in June. If you still listing part of your journey is, is to take ownership for your own stuff okay this is what I did.

You don't have to go around and try to justify letter you could offer some maybe some clarity of it, but this is what I did and recognize that your stuff may have really hurt someone okay and you're not there to make yourself feel better and you may not be able to make them feel better. But what you can do is take ownership of the things that you did and recognize how painful it was to someone else. Don't say I feel your pain. That is a worthless statement made up by a politician when Bill Clinton said that I feel your pain that that is worth that's a punchline no you don't feel her pain. You can only feel your own pain, but you can appreciate their pain. You can respect their pain and in this case. With this color. Gina and her sister is in great pain. She's not only got the pain of taking care of her father with Alzheimer's. But you get the pain of resentment in a fractured relationship that came about in part because the two of them have never really gotten long and when it came to be crunch time it fell apart and she's going to feel very very resentful and angry and and despairing all the scads of things and ended that Jean is going to walk into that and try to somehow reconcile will that's that's a pretty big task. It's not one that is insurmountable, but it's a big task and we respect the big task we respect the mountain of resentment and little by little it can be chipped away and you can build something that is extraordinary. Couples can come back from all kinds of things in their relationship, but it takes a lot of work and a lot of humility and a lot of willingness to let certain things go that you don't have to prove them wrong for you to be right and you don't have to consciously defend yourself, you just simply say here's what I did. Here's what I see that it did to you and I grieve over that and I want to help make amends to the best of my abilities. That's a good starting point, but be prepared. It may not be enough for that individual and they may reject it, but if they do reject it with when you come with that kind of attitude and your consistent about then you know that you've done all you can do it at that point they have to work that out with themselves and with God. But you still have a responsibility. If you have wounded somebody you have a responsibility to make to the best of your abilities amends.

They may not give you forgiveness. They may not grant that to you that we not forgive you, but that's their responsibility. Forgiveness doesn't mean it's unimportant and forgiveness doesn't mean it doesn't matter. Forgiveness means you go to take your hands off someone else's throat, and for this color. Her sister right now has her hands on her throat. She's she's incredibly angry with her and it's going to take a while for her sister to detach from her resentment know the most wonderful outcome of this thing is that Gina will be able to be the catalyst for for this growth of this healing that would be just ideal. We wonderful that Gina's first steps towards making amends would do that but it may not happen but that doesn't absolve you of doing what is necessary to make those kinds of of efforts. Some marriages are not to be saved. Some relationships are not to be safe. Some balloons do not get fixed this side of heaven.

This is the way it is that you got a lot of people that would may argue with me about that or may want to get into A theological stuff so forth have edit my wife's legs are still amputated okay still amputated. Some wounds are just so severe that were going to have to trust God in this life that that in the next one. He's going to makes make all parent of what he was doing art is just the way it is.

Same thing with relationships. If you got a child who's been molested by her father for years. Sometimes those things don't get fixed this in. It's important for us to understand this and not to try to force the healing that may or may not come because that's going to end up creating more problems, but that doesn't absolve us from trying doesn't absolve us from doing what we can do to the best of our abilities to make amends.

And there are situations in my life when I look back when I had to go back and make amends for these things. Knowing that I may not receive a favorable response, but that it let me off the hook from doing this because it's scary just because it's uncomfortable just because it's painful.

That's part of being an adult.

That's part of being a healthy human being of learning to take ownership for your own things and ultimately as part of being a child of God in a believer. Is it we don't try to spin it because you don't spin things when you stand before God, there is right there in front of God and everybody. It's there, you can't spin the stuff and nor should we try, you know that it would his lungs were comparing ourselves to other people. So I think the Lord that I'm not as bad as that got to give yourself permission to continue to be jerks. The only person we compare ourselves to Christ, the Christ put on flesh came to this earth to reconcile us to God he didn't do anything wrong but he knew that there was no way we could be reconciled. There was no other way. This was the way, that's our model that there some people that reject Christ. So much so that they nailed him to a cross, but that didn't stop him from going to to the cross. He did it. That's the model and you you stay focused on what what what what is Christ doing in your life.

And through that and if you have no inroads to be able to go to that family member and make those kinds of men's you do everything you can, however far the fence is that they have built around themselves. You go right up to that fence you don't cross it.

You don't step into their territory. You go right up to that fence and you let them know that you were taking ownership of your stuff and you would very much like to try to make amends. That's the model.

If you notice a crisis. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. He did beat the door down and nor should we. That's his model. I would go with that one. But he knocks he stands there and you could knock on your sister's door and you can make those efforts. She may not much. If she does, what an opportunity for reconciliation. It is worth the risk is worth the risk.

Feeling uncomfortable, knock on the this hope in the care of this is Peter Rosenberg hope for the caregiver.calm healthy caregivers think that appeared in today's greatest about what happened yesterday.

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