How to Win Your Unbelieving Spouse B

The lovely, gracious, general submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has. It's not what she said is what you John MacArthur answers those questions as he continues his current series on grace to you titled restoring marriage. John will look at concepts that are very popular today. Things like submission and meekness and modesty, and you'll show you how those characteristics not only can bless your marriage but can even draw your unbelieving spouse to Christ. So here's John MacArthur with today's lesson. The lovely, gracious, general submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has. It's not what she says is what she is. The woman is to submit to her husband's leadership that is a God designed principal wives, submit to your husbands. Ephesians 522 wives, submit to your husbands in each case your own husband. Colossians 318. The same thing comes from Paul in Titus two, four and five young women are to be subject to their own husbands again that possessive pronoun is there every time such a statement is made, the woman is to submit to the husband's leadership.

This is her greatest tool of evangelism, the virtue of her wifely character. The first duty of the wife, then, is submission to put it another way, voluntary selflessness and the dependence is a second responsibility in verse two. Let's call this faithfulness. Number one is submission number two is faithfulness verse two says as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

That's a very basic spiritual truth for a marriage he's talking about a pure life. What is chaste and respectful behavior me well basically means irreproachable conduct faithful to God, faithful to her husband don't break trust one when you're unsaved husband. One be submissive to be faithful. That's what chaste respectful behavior means chaste means pure.

It means you're not fool around with anybody else. That means your pure respectful.

It means you have respect for him. You demonstrate that respect. You never get involved with anyone else and you show him proper respect to the third principle comes in verses three through six, and it is modesty.

You have submission and its intention, which is to bring him to Christ you have faithfulness in verse two, and then you have modesty, please notice verse three, four, five and six in verse three it says let not your adornment be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses. Now comes to a very important matter for the Christian wife trying to win her unsaved husband.

He says like the normal I want to say this knowing there's a risk involved the normal preoccupation of women is with the outside and I think we would all agree with.

Certainly in our society. The normal preoccupation of women is with the outside adornment. He says let not your adornment be merely external you say is he against going here I don't think so. I don't think so. He says he against wearing gold jewelry. I don't think so only use against that. After all, the beautiful woman the bride in song of Solomon was bejeweled and wonderfully so is he against putting on dresses. No, I don't think so.

What he is saying is let not that be your incessant preoccupation to the disregard of the character inside where they got really carried away. I don't have time to give you all the inside but in the Greek and Roman world. There was an immense preoccupation with the outside cosmetics were big piercing. The punk rockers with the purple hair green hair all at nothing new. They had it in Greece in the Roman time women dye their hair purple and they dye their hair red and green and yellow and all kinds of colors they waived it. They braided it elaborately. They piled it higher and higher and higher and higher in one of those beehives things they wore wigs and there were especially fond of wigs made of blonde hair taken from people outside of their particular part of the world. They were hairbands they were pins.

They were Combs they were ivory tortoiseshell jewelry in their hair. They were gold and pearls, silk, incense and emeralds and diamonds and all that kind of stuff they really laid it on. It wasn't any different than than the fashion plate mentality of today. People literally tied fortunes up in their clothing and since they were pretty well decked from neck to feet in a garment. Most of it showed up on their face in their head where it could be seen and where their wealth and their pride could manifest itself most visibly this is an anything new. Listen to the Lord's indictment of Israel in Isaiah 3. Listen to this in that day. Verse 18 the Lord will take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, Crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money, purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans and veils not will come about that instead of sweet perfume. There will be a putrefaction instead of a belt, a rope instead of well set.

Hera plucked out scalp instead of find close a dawning of sackcloth and branding instead of beauty. Pretty straightforward stuff right. Women have always tended fallen women to be preoccupied with the outside but that's not the true beauty and I'll promise you ladies that external beauty does not capture the heart of your husband.

If there's nothing on the inside beer doesn't condemn all outward adornment. But what is he say verse four. Let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart. That's where the true beauty is a when you got married.

It wasn't long before you really were too conscious of what she looked like what you became very conscious of what she was like inside. That's the true beauty Christianity has always existed in a world of luxury and a world of decadence and Peter says don't you spend your time and money adorning your body and you know that's a temptation here's a woman, she got an unsaved husband. She doesn't have much of a happy relationship with him and so she simply turns the other direction and spends her life, indulging herself to make her external beauty all that it could possibly be in more Peter says don't do that that's not how you win them to Christ you going to be preoccupied. Let it be the hidden person of the heart what you mean. I mean, the inner person the inner person, character, virtue, first Timothy 29. I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing that is a gotta be closed in a modest way modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works. As befits women making a claim to godliness.

First Timothy to not intent work on the virtue of your life. Work on your character. That'll make you far more beautiful by the way, the most beautiful women on the inside tend to be very beautiful on the outside of you noticed. If you ever noticed how makeup can't change an ugly disposition and have you noticed how makeup can enhance a beautiful disposition. What is it that we are to do in adorning the inner person look again at verse four. You are to adorn the inner person with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, gentle means, meek, quiet means just that peaceful calm in control. The word spirit means disposition the most beautiful kind of woman is the woman with the meek, gentle, peaceful, calm, quiet disposition that is the inner virtue that a woman is to pursue than that is what wins the heart of a man. Not only that, would you please notice it is precious in the sight of whom of God. It is highly valued by God.

Now again he's not forbidding all outward adornment is saying that you must work on the inside don't confuse spirituality with tackiness or sloppiness that to calls attention to the outside and betrays a hard unconcern to reflect the beauty that God has given to a woman, but the fact is your to be modest in the work on the inside look at verse five gives an illustration in this way. In former times the holy women also who hope in God use to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands for the holy women Old Testament saints. They hope in God, what is that mean that they were true believers.

He says I'm not telling you anything new, but in Old Testament times, those women set apart on the God who put their hope in God use to adorn themselves in what way submissiveness to their husbands. That's the proper adornment there. The models to follow in the names one in verse six Sarah Sarah is a model she's a model that you look like she's a model that you are pattern your life after wife.

She obeyed Abraham is a model of obedience. She called and more. I would be real popular today. Yes, Lord, what do you want to see how far you women have drifted itself. It's biblical. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord Master. She's the model. By the way, calling him is in the present participle present tense, constantly calling him Lord constantly in submission to him. Why does he choose Sarah here because of the neck statement you've become her children.

If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. He knows that if you're a believer you're a child of Abraham by faith right. You remember that, don't you very clearly outlined in Romans 411 and 12. In Galatians 3 we are the children of Abraham by faith. And so we just kinda tacking on that is saying you not only will be the children of Abraham by faith. But you will be the children of Sarah Abraham's life by following her story saying Christian women follow the pattern of Sarah can be called Sarah's children as well as Abraham's children are not only children of faith, but your children of submission. You not only follow the faith of Abraham, but the submission of Sarah.

If you do what is right is what it says in verse six. If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear what he think that means intimidated. I believe every single society since the fall has tried to intimidate a woman who wanted to be submissive to her husband on the that's new. There are fears and being submissive, potential fears, you're a Christian wife and you had an unsaved husband. You might be afraid to totally submit for fear of where it might lead you into what sin it might result you have to stop short of that. But Peter says don't be intimidated, don't be frightened. Don't be fearful just do what's right and what is right is to submit to your husband. That's the principle is the principle of submission. It's the principle of purity. It's the principle of modesty. That's how you win your husband without a word, one when that unsaved spouse be submissive, follow the beautiful pattern of Sarah calling him Lord, doing what is right. Be pure and faithful to him in the physical and the emotional area be modest. Decorate the inner beauty that may manifest itself on the outside it. Don't get preoccupied with trying to fix the outside when the inside is and what it ought to be. That's how you live as an alien and a stranger in a marriage with the hope of influencing your husband for Christ. Finally, verse seven. Turn the tables out as a husband. When an unsaved wife that's less frequent, but does happen you husbands. Likewise me. Likewise, Peter you submit to. There's a submission on our part. Go back and read Ephesians 521, submit yourselves to one another wives to the husband's husbands to the what we don't submit to the authority of the wife we don't submit to this to the leadership of the wife to the headship of the wife, but we do submit. Listen to this to the needs of the wife. We subordinate our own little world in our own little agenda to meet the needs of the woman, who is our wife, even if she's not a Christian. Verse seven says you husbands.

Likewise, you have to submit just like the wife just like the employee just like the citizen is talking to Christian husbands. You husbands remain. She's writing to the scattered believers. You are the Christians. And you gotta take care of your wife by the way, in that culture. A man could just kill his wife.

As I pointed out Kato according to Roman law says if you were to get your wife in an act of infidelity. You can killer without a trial. But if she was to catch you, she wouldn't venture to touch you with her finger.

She has no such right so you just tell your wife you want to get rid of. But what is the responsibility of a Christian husband when he is an unsaved wife, Judy.

Both the situations I want to find me a Christian girl you're out here what should be his attitude. Three things number one very briefly. Consideration live with their wives in understanding way present tense constantly be continuing to live with your wife in and understand that stenosis again.

That's knowledge deep experiential knowledge what you mean sensitive to her needs sensitive to her feelings, and I believe it includes the sexual aspect as well. It includes intimacy because knowing someone means having a an intimate relationship.

Remember that Cain knew his wife and she wore a child you are to live with your wife in the most intimate way possible, sexually, emotionally, that doesn't change live is the word soon I can.

It means to be together with someone in the house stay intimate stay close by the way, that same words and I can is used in the in the Septuagint or intercourse. So he is definitely talking with sexual overtones. You are to live with your wife in a deeply intimate way. Don't cut yourself off from her deepest physical, emotional needs, just because she's not a Christian you fulfill that dimension, far from abusing her or ignoring her or being indifferent to her.

You are to be sacrificially sensitive to that unsaved woman you are to be thoughtful you are to be respectful. That would frankly be that of a revolutionary thing in a culture for Amanda become a Christian and then all of a sudden become totally respectful and sensitive and feeling toward his his wife who didn't want anything to do with Christ would really be cross green but that's exactly what it says your to nourish her in the words of Ephesians 5 cherish her, protect her insulate her maintain that deep deep sensitive intimacy. Secondly, secondly, not only is there to be consideration, but there is to be chivalry is a good old word is not what is he saying verse seven. You have to live with her, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman. She's a weaker vessel what you mean by that. Well first of all, weaker is a comparative what's a comparative week so just keep that in mind she's weaker but you are what week so don't get it all over confident about your great abilities, your week. She's weaker was a refer to physical, emotional, natural weakness, a woman is physically weaker.

She must be protected. She must be provided for. She must be nourished, she must be cherished. So husbands you have an unsaved wife maintained deep intimacy with her sensitivity to all of her needs and understand that you need your protection you need your provision third work companionship, consideration, chivalry, companionship. I love this grant her honor as a fellow error of the grace of life.

What's the grace of life is not eternal life is not saving grace. Grace simply means a gift.

What's the best gift that life has to offer.

Marriage that's God's grace gift to everybody your heirs together this very important statement is not speaking spiritually or speaking merrily we know is talking about an unsaved wife because he says you husbands. Likewise any ties it into 31 where you got a Christian and an unsaved environment to 18 we have a Christian and an unsaved environment to 12 and 13, where you have a Christian and an unsaved environment so he is saying luck you must live with her as a fellow error of the grace of life. Cultivate companionship, friendship, respect her as heirs together of the grace of life.

The best that life has to offer. The topping on life. This calls for fellowship partnership friendship, companionship, communion two is formed in Peter's day, women were not allowed to at all associate as friends, even of their own husbands. They were at best to clean the house and bear children, so he says husbands do that and if you are not considerate and if you are not chivalrous and if you are not a companion look at the end of her seven.

Your prayers will be what hindered what he think his friend for his friend for what the salvation of his wife, but that prayer is going to be hindered if he is not treating her in this way, with deep intimacy with great protection provision and with friendship, companionship then is prayers will be hindered. So how do you win an unsaved part by living an exemplary Christian life just that simple. Just that simple.

Whether you're in the government seeing yourself as a citizen on the job as an employee in the home as a marriage partner.

The role is always the same. You submit to God's ordained pattern for that social relationship and you live it out to the maximum to please God and God will honor you as a testable wherever you are, let's bow together in prayer Lord, thank you for such straightforward and encouraging advice and truth.

Bless those wives with unsaved cousins make them all that you want them to be. Bless those husbands that have unsaved wives make them all that a husband should in order that they might win that part in order that their prayers for the salvation of their mate might not be Jesus name. This is grace to you with John MacArthur. Thanks for being with us. Today's lesson on how to win your unbelieving spouse to Christ is part of John series titled restoring marriage will join clearly the topic of this study. Marriage has provoked lots of controversy in recent years you been saying for years that marriage is under attack by secular culture and you see that today more clearly than ever.

So how should the church respond to the marriage debate and to be clear, the debate is not over just because the laws of changed how should Christians defend what Scripture says about this sacred institution of marriage. Let's be honest, the marriage is not under attack anymore in the culture. The war is over is not under attack. It's been conquered.

Marriage has been conquered in our culture. Marriage is not an issue in factor there's probably more disdain from the younger generation.

In this culture for marriage and there's ever been in the history of our country. They don't even consider marriage unless there's some may be lingering traditional reason for most people cohabitate with little regard for marriage and then you got homosexual marriage, and all the cancer that brings so you from the culture standpoint than the war is over and that the anti-marriage forces won the war. The danger is that because this war is over, that the church becomes accepting of that defeat. When the church has to rise up and exalt God and exalt his word and that means to elevate marriage. The church, it seems to me I don't how long it's been the I haven't heard of server mega-church preacher say anything at all about marriage in the first place so many other churches are filled with young people who who are married and other people who are divorced. Many of the young people that are in their churches or are single but they once were married or their living with somebody or they were living with somebody and there's this sense that we don't want to tamper with that because were trying to win them over.

We want to be here. This is more of this pragmatic approach to the church which says want you like us and so we don't offend you and wow if we start we start nailing immorality, sexual immorality, homosexuality, if we start elevating marriage in the sanctity and the beauty and the purity of marriage. Women drive the millennial's in the young people away, but this is the opposite of what the church needs to do it needs to rise up and proclaim God's design for marriage. The only hope for this culture is really families, godly families there. The only hope for any kind of return to God to return to blessing for a nation so that's why were doing this series restoring marriage.

I hope you found it beneficial and if you did, you may want to get this series it's available in a four CD album if you prefer CDs or you can go to GT wide.org in order for MP3 downloads the title restoring marriage so important and you can order today, yes and friend. If you want to know what Scripture has to say about marriage and how to defend it. If you want your marriage to fulfill God's design. This series will be a helpful resource.

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