God's Light Amidst Grief's Shadow

The whole time of walking through the winter and all the family members walk with my girls and I never lost lost weight and everything else that anybody else grieving would walk through.

I never lost my joy. I never lost gratitude never lost perspective. The fact that I think about it.

It's hard to say because I think for anybody. It's easy to feel like the fears it could be judge, but the reality is I was grateful for what God is giving me the season I have and somehow, someway I knew instinctually that if I was still here got Jonathan Pizzi and he joins us today on Focus on the Family to share beautiful story of God's grace in the midst of grief your hostess focus Pres. and Dr. Jim Daly for joining us on John Foley, John. I think one of the hardest things about life on this side of eternity is those unexpected things happen. Some can be minor. Others are major in, and they turn your life in an entirely different direction and we can be blindsided by a terrible accident or unforeseen circumstances and that can sometimes shake our faith often makes you question okay Lord, are you there with me.

What's happened here, and it certainly brings up that the question about why would a bad thing happen to me. I'm a good person I'm seeking the Lord in trying to do the best I can.

Our guest Jonathan Pitts.

He knows the struggle firsthand there for just over 15 years that he was married to his wife winter who is the niece of our good friend Pastor Dr. Tony Evans and they visited with us in May 2018 to talk about raising their four beautiful daughters and those challenges the teen years, and in July winter quite suddenly passed away. I remember hearing the news and I was like shocked because the person that young does not pass away. What happened, as she was an author or speaker and really that up-and-coming Christian woman leader and you can imagine that her death really rocked the Christian community but through that loss in the trial surrounding it. The unexplainable circumstances and heart rending grief.

Jonathan found hope and healing. And that's precisely why we want to talk to him today because he's going to share what it's like to go through that valley and get back to the mountain top right hand Jonathan Pizzi is an author, speaker in a ministry executive fan pastorate Church of the city in Franklin, Tennessee. He's the current president of four girls like you ministries that was Winters ministry to twin girls and their parents and now he's shepherding that along he is the father of four girls. As you mentioned, and he said really beautifully captured the time he and his wife had together. In the book my winter season. Seeing God's faithfulness in the shadow of grief. We do have copies of that book here at the ministry.

Check the episode notes for the details. Jonathan welcome back to Focus on the Family's could be with you guys and I know it's difficult, perhaps I will put words in your mouth, but it's probably hard because time has passed. Some things happen that you're going to tell us about in a little while but going back to you know that season of your life where you and winter math and how your relationship grew and I know there's an entirely different direction. I will get to that.

So I appreciate the fact that you're willing to take us back there many people won't know the story, so let's go there paint a picture of who winter was and how you met Jan and I met winter as just a girl that was in college with me didn't know Tony Evans or any of the Evans family is a star in college and Tony's nieces, Tony's niece, her dad is brothers with Dr. Evans and so did know him to know Dr. Evans is known in the and literally met in school she'd been conducting a study abroad and just met her at a party and really what happened is I was come onto my business tumor I felt like I was called to do she was doing the same. And God would bring us together and we get married like literally two weeks after he graduated from college and I was like seven months after you met. I unite 13 months he quickly did that seven months elitist by half. That was fast moving process and no certain of God's plan for my life and you really got married pretty quickly after we graduated and would have Alina my oldest girl who's now almost 18 years old, which is as yet you I was certain it was the first time is like a gift for free to birthday will reduce his graduate as all those things at the same time, but we have Alina, 11 months after we got married and so we like really quickly went into the family building and would have three more girls and we were living in New Jersey after he graduated from from and which was a grant writer and she was basically having having babies try to figure out her life. While I was in pharmaceutical sales and try to make as much money as I could thought I was doing for daughters you had to do exactly what we go to Texas for vacation visit with Dr. Evans and I would really change our lives there. I would actually fall in the ministry.

I do not managing Anthony Evans Junior for seven years he became my best friends and she actually was wind up working for Dr. Evans to this.shoot a grant writer became kind of like a grant writer for a church's nonprofit organization and ultimately would begin phone call to come home just to be with the girl she would end up doing creative writing to try to like inspire her girls entertain them, educate them disciple them.

She stumbled upon creating this magazine call for girls like you and I want that was the question is can ask you that happening at me near the dad of the four girls Winters the mom of the four girls and you decided something need to be said. Through this magazine so what was the great goal there yet with it.

While there was no great goal actually is trying to convince her to do haircut she could make a couple hundred bucks every client and she will do the magazine.

I was like what would make more money if you just did.

Parent anyway. She was really good at saying no to things that she wasn't called to do right and when she finally said yes, the finish was called to do God, which is, put his wind on it and what was then like 20 little girls that we had in the magazine goes like this. Just as little resource was like 20 girls and select more than 6000 girls now think the magazine even baskets grown past life, which is not cool you think about legacy things people invest our lives in so anyway she end up doing that and really was doing that. The day that she passed away early Sunday. In that context will get to that story obviously but you and winter started.

I think in 2018. Think about leaving the urban alternative moving to Nashville you becoming a pastor there and that was all about that time that she passed away. Describe what was happening and then what your decision was after she passed away. Yeah I was couple things happen like one. I felt like I'd grown as much as I could grow kind within this Evans brand of ministry that God had different things for me and I was obviously a real challenge to leave because I love the Evans family still do stand my family, you know, but I was in and in a sense going to what I felt like was a higher calling different calling and the same time though, Franklin, Tennessee Nashville. That whole area. When you think about Christian publishing. I thought what God was doing with winter was kind of giving her this new space to breathe and grow and become what he was calling her to become so in every sense. We were really expecting about what the future look like in a little bit nervous, but really felt like I was, leading the way and I actually had so I guess save July 10 we had bought her home in Franklin July 14.

We all moved in July 11 and were there for just like three days and we left for vacation. I will with my family go back it would go back to my last week at work and that's were she asked Pat, passed away in Dallas and so that it never really lived in Nash, no. Never did. Now we were there were truly beautiful. As I think she kinda set the path for us in terms of like she was well past not get the girls into specific school and setting them up for the future will look back on it like wow how kind of God to allow her to come to see, where you know where were going where her girls are going in and just like trust them with the Lord as she had went to attend. Let's go to that day, there's gonna be a lot of emotion. Then again, we talked about you know things positive things that have happened since then, but we need to talk about that day that she did pass away. July 24, 2018. Kind of the normal day, describe it, and again, what makes it so difficult. How old was she, 38, 38, you just I mean that's gonna come out of the blue.

It's not an expected thing.

Subscribe today what happened.

The phone call. However, you were informed.

Yeah, I mean. Also, there was nothing normal. At that point we kinda were homeless are. We bought a house in Franklin that we had lived in what I will for vacation we come back to Dallas on finishing up my last week of work for the urban alternative. We have no home in Dallas overstaying actually at the cover ministry property that Priscilla had, and her cousin and I serve are going to work. I was just saying goodbye to like coworkers. I'd been done real ministry with love Joyce out about that. I was also doing what you know, standard operating procedures like all the things you do when you leave an organization.

I'll never forget him.

She texted me and she just said I was eczema with whom she said I feel in the she sent me the second movie and I just asked what's going on and she never responded. So I stopped at Cosco and get like Caesar salad from Cosco and ribs and remember driving home and getting home and my sister-in-law Andrea was there with her two girls winter was there with our three youngest girls.

My oldest think God was at a waterpark with her cousin. Her oldest cousin, boy cousin and they're all just, sitting on the couch just hanging out laughing and doing each other's hair and a member them playing this game is like somebody would say you can be a fish but you can't be an elephant or you can be of the under the game. To this day I remember hearing like with sucking and I take a run early that morning so was pretty tired so I went and I laid down and took a 15 minute power nap and I winter actually had the last book that she would write ironically would be called. I am yours. I'm yours forgetting the subtitle right now but it's basically a book on identity and that of the 60 different devotionals to describe your identity in Christ in different ways how she had a deadline, but she was never good at meeting and she as I walked out of the bedroom to get dinner ready I just knew I was to be on to should finish this book which was already a couple weeks late and that was just I've always remembers passing each other kind of as I walked out of the bedroom she was walking in and doing the thing you do like I'm trying to get dinner ready. She can take the snap and she's gonna get to work and that was just like I learned that process and I go back outside or I go out I'd fix the ribs and Cosco, CO Caesar salad and I just would knock the door and asks what each of the confines against the rest of longer and so she just went back to resting. I finished it with the girls and I just went into the bedroom and into the bathroom to floss my teeth just like [swim, walk around floss my teeth.

I just looked out of the bathroom into the bedroom and out. She was sitting up facing away from the clicking on the windows, and she just kind of slow you know like when you're on kinda tired and went to the bed and just cuddle excellent public. You don't want to get up.

She had made a move like that. But I guess I just did something unnatural about Exodus and where you plan like that.

And, bottom line is the next 30 minutes would be the prime of 30 traumatic minutes of my life because when I realize I thought she was having a seizure, but really what happened is that her heart to heart murmur.

Her heart, for them and what was really chaotic for me as I did all the things CPR and all that time so she took in on something she just basically lost consciousness.

And I say, you know, slowly glided into the in the heaven and was super traumatic my three youngest girls were there and so just imagine having three girls running around wondering what's going on as you know the mom's legs a lot of chaos yeah that's just like you not called Priscilla actually and I'll never forget this but it actually happens to be her her wedding anniversary and I would call my sister-in-law. They both came back to the house and got the girls and we make our way to the hospital after a long time because that house is out in the country and so they didn't. The paramedics anything for a long time and for me I just knew him Eagle Scout train kind CPR and all that and so I knew without a miracle you know I wouldn't speak to her again.

He just knew it. Yet without a miracle.

My prayer was just like I member to Stanley God. Right now it's a winter don't don't leave me or something like that.

Don't leave me and I was just praying to God for miracle in one side of my brain knowing that God can do miracles and the other on such a practical guide just practically thinking like about all the different ways this could go in terms of just to think about all the things and so is long and I can imagine it and I'm sure she's not too responsive, not responsive at all, just all she was gone. The minute I basically looked at her she was ith. I believe already gone. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and I were talking today with Jonathan Pitts who is captured his compelling story in this book.

My winter season. Seeing God's faithfulness in the shadow of grief get in touch for your copy and if we can be of any help to you in anyway.

Just please give us a call. Focus is here to help her numbers 800 the letter a in the word family and we got further details in the show notes Jonathan I can go back in my own life when I was nine and my mom died and it fell on my brother to tell us all my most oldest brother who is 10 years older than me and I can just remember each one of us going into the room and him telling us individually and I was the last one to be told I just saw my siblings going in the room and each one coming out crying and then he asked me to come in there and something I don't want to go in that room. Some bad is happening. Which leads me to the question hat. How did you tell the girls I mean obviously there were some was not right was there that moment to gather them together you could make a definitive statement about what's happening what's going on you and talk about the future as hard as that might be at that moment the others are going through my head and then the thing that I knew instinctual I needed to do was just leave my girls as well like it as well as I could. It wasn't about me. That's how high on the moment, wasn't about me it's about them. There are several families that showed up on member. I never I never remember feeling is love that I felt that moment when I walked out on the waiting room. I just saw a family and pastors and just people in our lives just kinda like just stopped. Everything came and Dr. Evans was one of those people. And so, somehow, someway, he found his way back to like this little family chapel, prayer room I guess and I just knew I was going in that room to meet my girls and share with them what happened. Up to that point they knew that something was going on around there were exactly sure and so it doesn't go in and I'm thinking to myself, there are lots of things I can say what I say and I don't even know how at this point, like it's not me.

I thought Dutchess County give me the words but the way I think about it now is there are lots of things that were true that moment like lots of things that were true that I could say that I could share with the only thing I knew to share that was true and hopeful is the fact the mommy went home to be with Jesus is literally what I said to said mommy went home to be with Jesus in office. At that point, you know, there were no words that were necessary because her so much emotion in the room with Dr. Evans was there and I felt like just really beautiful this man who would literally disciple me as an adult.

If the only man outside my own dad, who spent that much time with me pouring into me being there by my side with this real comfort but we sang old him and just like pushed into the goodness of God like a devastating moment, not because emotionally were there because that's what we need to do and really that was I think the first family devastation that Dr. Evans experienced that next year year and 1/2 he would see more of the family.

The extended family die describe that and what the Evans family and extended family experienced.

Yeah, I knew we all woods that was you know winter died first and then there were six family members with and I think 20 months that passed away including so winter. Aunt Lois, as we called her Dr. of his wife, his dad, which is to daddy to winter who was to end the meal. I was all family and then aunt Beverly and uncle James and all these different people that went home to be with the Lord.

Some of them really suddenly and then others like his dad who was one of the most godly men I'd ever known was massive loss and I feel like what we did was just press into the only hope that we have here are the Scripture says new Scripture before I use it as a pastor is a guy who walk with people through death that you we don't agree with those who have no hope. But that Scripture that I kind of talked about doing death from a little bit more of a distance actually lived like not grieving as those who have no hope, and became a part of our lives part of a family story.

I guess when I can't lie I can imagine because I had to go through this well but when you're on the one side is a pastor talking to people going through death through grief. It's one thing to know the right passages to express it. But when you have to live through it.

It's different yeah, now you know at a very heart level what it means what it feels like it's different yeah, and it's also for me it was very what's the word, relieving or even like inspiring is what it actually means that Scripture says we don't grieve as those who have no hope. We actually don't grieve without joy like the whole time of walking through like the loss of winter, and all and all the family members walk with my girls like I never lost my joy, I lost weight. I went through everything else that anybody else grieving would walk through. But I never lost my joy. I never lost gratitude never lost perspective of the fact that I think about. It's hard to say because I think for anybody. It's easy to feel like I think the fears that you be judged. But the reality is I was grateful for what got it given me in the season I had with winter rice and somehow someway I knew instinctually that if I was still here, God had a plan for me not part of that is always the reason my girls and being here for them and all that but I knew that I knew that I knew that God had more and so it didn't it didn't have to be this.

Looking back on, always wanting something I had before I can actually know without a shadow of a doubt, the got a plan for my life and in that context. Millions of people are listening or watching on YouTube. Whatever it might be what about the person that that is just the next heavy brick and they do lose their joy.

How do you speak to that person experientially when they're saying how how did you do that Jonathan. I couldn't do that and they're desperate.

I mean I've talked to people like that and are going. How do you get that kind of joy as I have not experienced that while I'm in. That's a tricky question because I would say I didn't do anything. I feel like that's what was really neat about it is, is probably the most confirming thing about knowing that I believed that I believed were much passed away that I still had that it's okay for anyone. Just press in the Lord like he himself is our peace. He is our joy like press into the Lord because he's the only one that can give it to you. Nobody gave it to me. I'd give it to myself with the Lord literally gave to me, that doesn't mean I didn't walk through hard times. Didn't mean I wasn't angry didn't mean I wasn't sad didn't mean I wasn't like depressed like I get you a great love for football.

The Eagles won the Super Bowl that year and I remember being so excited and I remember a couple months later which of passing away and I'm not really ever watch the football game since then. I lost joy in some of the things that I really cared about before, but never lost you in the Lord for a different kind of joy that I feel like is God given what what I'm hearing you say thereto, is it's okay to press into God to be angry to shake your fist at God's big enough to take you not to hold back in that area yeah I would say no. I think it really is a different experience. I never had that level of anger like I never felt like I was ever actually angry and I remember being annoyed about things that have this phrase. I'd say I didn't ask for this audit came later when I started to make different life choices and think about my future and all the lights. I didn't ask for this because a lot of times as someone who's walked out the season like that you feel like a lot of people around you. They feel responsible to keep you kind of where you are. They feel responsible and help you not make bad decision sites.

I didn't ask for this. That's what I experience anger so we all have different experiences and I can't say my experience summarizes nobody else's but I was impressed of the Lord be cast literally the only joy the only piece. The only real foundation that we have and I think when you get that that's where that natural spring of joy comes from.

It's not contrived it's not fake it's you know what I can. I can deal with the setbacks in life because my strengths in Christ and guess what, I'm still having to do it is to again and you know that it's different than you are not overcome you by your circumstances, you Jonathan.

At the end here.

The thing that caught my attention on the book as you're stuck with the plans to move to Tennessee and keep that momentum going forward.

And you know I guess one of the questions is why what made you committed to that move. Even just after your wife died and was it the right thing. Yeah I'll start with the end I think it was the right thing, and God knows me I'm a loyalist and always I would say in this Evans brand of ministry for almost 15 years of my life and that was the first stepping outside and I feel like if I wouldn't of walked out of that.

I probably would've never found myself fully again because I would just committed the fit myself to the thing I knew, I think I do that and he wanted me, not addicts. It's a bad thing, but decided that because he knew he'd have to make me a new man when he's consciously making this new is constantly changing us at night.

I think I would've been just in that I would just committed my life to a beautiful ministry but ultimately pry would've like not gobble gobble to me to go and so you I was winter passes are minute. Bring her in Dallas and I'll never forget the day before her funeral.

Two things happen one is my now boss Darren Whitehead, a senior pastor church, a city called me just said hey if you if you guys don't want to come just know this will will sell your house will get your stuff back will take care of things.

Don't worry about it. If this is what you want to do if you want to stay in Dallas to know that will support you in that they said if you come you'll find a family ready to adopt you and meant every word of that and that seemed as walking on the sidewalk of her.

My sister-in-law's house on that phone call with him is one place for peace for me that week was on the sidewalk back-and-forth that happened then I came up with before that or after that. But in that same day. I'm walking with my daughter Alina and she's just asking because the girls asked me a couple times that we know our beginning in Nashville would indubitably not just walking and she just goes she's at this point she's 14 and she says data regarding Nashville still and I said we need to put on it may be a good leader right.

We need to pray about it and take our time and she goes, why think we should go like mommy was more excited than any of us to go. I think were supposed to go. While it was like the Holy Spirit just use that to contact me over the edge out of like probably at that point, fear of leaving everything I knew for something I didn't know which was a big step of faith. And so there's two things happen. It was a just enough like light over there to do circuits keep walking and I would say what happened next would be relief. Three. Almost 3 years of being in what I would call an incubator of healing from grief in this beautiful little town of faith different in Franklin Tennessee of having to go take this beautiful quaint town where I just it's just a gorgeous town in the church wrapped her arms around us. The community bathrooms around us, and I was a pet new pastor coming into this church and you would've thought these people knew me. For years the way that they just like iMac came back to a house that was an impact on our home was unpacked and lived there for five years and the pictures in the walls and all the things and they really just took care of us and it was God's kindness. In addition, that my oldest sister who'd never been married.

Hundreds Carmen. She moved in with me and lived with me thought for. I guess almost 3 years, I kept thinking and really what she's got Masters degree in counseling and can only do in the in-house counselor and what a blessing – and let's let's in there because the good news is the Lord is brought a new life into your life and that's fantastic and mom for the daughters young and beautiful woman who I wish she would say Peter would say it would say together that I'm her redemption. She's my redemption were the girls, redemption, and that's really what we've even as we walk through even really hard time generic Linda family know that like I didn't know how difficult that part of it would be over distrusting as we walk they got just redeeming all things exactly does is a Redeemer yeah a great read, Redeemer, and that's what you're getting at. John and I so appreciate if you don't know the Lord get a hold of us. Why live a life without God and still it puzzles me that people that reject God. Why someone who loves you cares about. She wants the best for you. It's the best transaction you'll ever have eternal life. But, Jonathan, thank you for sharing. Thank you for your openness and talking about what grief looks like and how to stay connected to God through that and his abundance, which comes right in John 1010 right and it's wonderful to hear that our all and with just say this doctrines is the saying if all you see is what you see you'll never see others to be seen and it's just one of those things I tried to live by to see beyond what I can see with my natural is so good for all of us to remember that so get a hold of us. I'd love to put a copy of this book in your hands, my winter season. You can make a gift of focus for any amount will send it as our way of saying thank you if you can join us on a monthly basis. That's great if you can afford it. Get a hold of us. It's a wonderful story, the God story and will get into your hands and trust others will cover the cost of that. But, Jonathan, thank you so much for giving him extra had to guess and let me add that we have caring Christian counselors here on staff at Focus on the Family and it be a privilege to have a consultation arranged for you to get in touch. Her number is 800 the letter a in the word family to set up one of those set free consultations and get a copy of this book.

My winter season by Jonathan Pitts. The details are in the show notes as well.

Plan to join us again tomorrow as we hear from Cynthia Tobias shall have insights into how to get along with strong-willed adults in your life at our best when we strongly don't were willing to tackle what those say others say can't were resourceful were undaunted by circumstances and we are good at creatively energizing people around us half of Jim Daly and the entire team.

Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Okay Mike got here soon as I could. Was going on. Hey, I just want to give you an update on my marriage is a good news. Yeah our marriage is going great right now. I can be happier. That's awesome you. It's like a solid 510 having a marriage that just okay is it what couples really want to live. Give yourself and your spouse an all-inclusive weekend you slow your pace. Focus on each other get more details@focusonthefamily.com/getaway that's focusonthefamily.com/getaway