How to Keep Your Emotions in Check

Me back Down and imagination don't tolerate thoughts that taking down that path that The superiority that path of condemning other people don't allow yourself to be like that you can halt the thought, that's Deborah. She's here today talking about how to be more conscious of your self-centered thoughts and emotions. Thanks for joining us on John Fuller and your host is Focus on the Family president and author Jim John.

It is so easy to let emotions the best of us don't know why you can be a Christian for 20, 30 years and really never get on top of that emotional equation. Think for a minute. For example we encounter situation with coworker there riles us up or we see a friend post picture from a dutiful resort in envy creeps in, or we lose her cool with her kids. Or maybe your spouse and your sitting there beating yourself up going I should know better. I shouldn't take the bait here Focus on the Family we want to provide those tools for you and one way to think of focus is just a giant treasure chest of resources for just about anything you're going to encounter in your family situation so were here for you just need to let us know that you're there and will do everything we can to help you. So call us at the number. John will give in a little bit. Emotions are a good thing. I think God is an emotional God, look at the Old Testament and New Testament. God is a God of emotions he created those emotions, but we have to order them. We have to put them under submission to his leadership right and our friend Deborah pay day is going to help us learn how to do that, perhaps more effectively than we've ever done before and I'm looking forward to more of God's peace and contentment in my life. This can be a great conversation. Deborah is a popular guest here at Focus on the Family and she's a certified behavioral consultant Bible teacher and international speaker and is also a best-selling author will be talking today about one of her I think it's 18 books. It's called 30 days to taming your emotions discover the calm, confident carrying you get your copy from us here at the ministry. The link is in the show notes or give us a call 800 K and the word family. Deborah welcome back to focus. Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here.

It's always good to have you. I love your smile, your wit and your sarcasm. See, I love sarcasm that you said that something we need to control it. Really, really made is fun but anyway you are the behavioral consultant so let me ask you, why is it so easy for us to let go of the reins when it comes to our motions and we let our emotions drive us to think right in God you just read and only one emotion was just happy that be great. Have a great but were not robots, so we should be delighted that God has given us that range of expression when we can be happy or sad. It makes us have a quality life. I'm glad that he did.

Don't you think there's a bit of learning in that right you have a range that allows us to go to so we can stop so you could say that's not quite the way I like it handle that God created us in such a way to that week. We need him and we need him to control our emotions before we get started. Remember that emotions follow motion emotions file a motion so that sometimes when you're dealing with an emotion. If you just get in most you get moving towards the opposite of a negative emotion. You'll find yourself really enjoying this. This whole process. This ability to express pleasure. Yeah, let me know. Being a man. You got it grab me by the face and give me that example what you talk about well you see and what one of my motions that II had come to get Christina Kime were here in Colorado Springs after planted them, but my lease David airport in the world and so I was getting anxious about coming because I had heard that you have to be away is itself a motion is just taking just getting the best of me so that's why I just decide to go back to what I teach. I have some foundational beliefs that I'm going to use to control frame my motions yeah you say in the book. One of the good things to do is to regularly connect with God in prayer and use an acronym to do that.

What's the acronym PRA why pray okay to make sense. Yeah, that makes it easy to pause. We got take time. In this were also busy. We got take time to just stop on activity and can focus completely on God and his ability, his power, when I sit and think about that inside me.

I have the spirit of this Almighty God, who is always present, all-powerful, and knows everything.

So that takes down some of the motions. A special when I'm dealing with anxiety. So we have to pray. We know we have to fight.

We know that many people stop and pray we don't stop, you know. And God was then undivided attention. You always yes you can exercise in place. But when you stop and absorb his presence. You can have a different mindset. R is for reference. Express your admiration of God's attributes, but I just think you just present.

I just thinking I stop and rapid school. He is summing up as bring God down to our level.

That's why we are anxious most of the top is like a problem and I can't figure it out, so I assume he can't figure it out either but I stop and remember this too hard and then I ask ask what I want, we can ask when we can assume the guy doesn't get he cares about every aspect.

I asked forgiveness for my sands asked what his will to be done.

I ask, and then the why is for yield. I'm going to submit that request to God and say, let let let I'm going to save father. Nevertheless, not my will but yours because I don't really know what's best for me. I just know I want that is so good that bring you peace right there. Actually, course prayer is so crucial that staying connected with God. It seems pretty obvious. But what role does self-care now because you know Jesus himself separated from the needs of the moment he got away from the crowds and we know we think of self-care is being selfish that you know if you need to take a break or you can say yes to everything is okay. What working in ministry. It'll take everything you give it 24 seven and you gotta stop and say okay I need to spend more time with my family, my marriage myself to speak to self-care and the importance of it and the godliness of Jesus modeled it. I love it and Michael wine when they came to him and he had been ministering all night healing people and all of that and they came to him while he was praying he got up early and he is looking for you when he said he said he said the Scripture say that going to the next house to preach and I'm done with the healing because I know what my priorities when the disciples came to him after they had been outed at done a lot of wonderful things and his response was, you need to go take a break.

This is because they had no time for leisure I could believe the word leisure was in the King James version of the Bible right the first travel. He said they had no leisure to a go go go performer sorry and it always got to be achieving. We don't take leisure glaciers, godly, and that's why self-care it really is a selfish, as you say it's about honoring God with this body that he's given us a limited ability to do things in the flesh, and I have to be reminded the time of that because I just like to keep charging right Deborah and ask about that because one of the points you make is sleep to be able to get sleep you struggle with that. So what what are some things personally that you found the helper don't help with sleep will I find it doesn't help us and I will shortly people I want to eat more because my body is craving to be renewed and I give you food instead of asleep and so is just physically, spiritually, I'm will shortly people when I'm not rested on everybody's in slow motion. To me when I'm sleepy everybody stupid when I'm sleepy as me needing some rest and so we have to stop in and understand that rest is godly. That's why leaders have to model that we belong to a church was by the pastors took off. Often they were off to Hawaii. After this place may say were sending our love. We have an assistant pastor delegated the not so insecure that about does not allow this is the pastor more than them and bend and go away with them. Whatever. So we have to be upbeat, God honoring, and in no that is godly. Self-care is godly for women meant to let women who just feel like they just got a consummate gift of the kids that there is no time for himself and I would I would assume you're also saying everything is in balance. You don't want to. You can't do that overboard. Gotta be engaged if it's all leisure you're not in the Lord's will either absolute taking care yourself and select quote ambitious, rather than sometimes just being cold. Gotta say, we tend to go. The other route right one things for me grateful.

My son Trent is really gotten to working out which really sparked me to get involved to and so I been for the last for five years I'm able get in three or four times a week to work out which is been good. I don't do much cardio. I mourn the weight weightlifting category, which I love which and even if you do it for five minutes and sometimes we think we need to wait. We have an hour to work out a 30 minutes to work out this I went out West seven minute walk this morning because there's something to getting that oxygen to your brain you Scott have a better mindset. You know, to just get out there and breathe some fresh air and it's good to get into the habit and the hard part. Yes, you, you mentioned the book. Other people can affect our stress level and I think it relates to what you're saying in terms of prioritization, but how you learn to deal with other people that are affecting your stress level and then affecting your priorities because well again, we don't want to disappoint people because we not listen when I talk about the and I wrote a book on fear, but one of my biggest fears is alienation so we don't want people to be alienated from people, so we say yes when we really want to say no yes that's correct.

Yeah, you have to know what's working and you when you do that so I don't I don't say yes when I want to say no.

I have a favorite phrase I use. I have another commitment.

I'm sorry have another commitment me.

I have another appointment. I have a commitment and the commitment is to myself. I have made a commitment to myself and to my marriage that I'm going to balance this thing and we come into agreement.

Darnell and I will come into agreement before I go running off on a schedule that's you know people on Reaganite… You get one of the things that sometimes we as Christians and I think Christian women particularly can load a lot of guilt onto themselves because they're not saying yes enough, that's what some are saying right now. I know that I can't say no. Not said yes enough to my pastors asked me to volunteer for this are my husbands wanting me to do this on the weekend.

So how do you find the right balance to say, to understand that saying no is okay saying no is okay and here's what I like to say the Bible talks about serving the Lord with gladness when I get to the point where my starting him is cause me to say yes so much that I am not glad about it anymore. I'm mad about it so I don't want to serve God to madness God as long as I pack and be glad about it because it's all in alignment with his will. I have the peace about it. I'm not fearing your rejection, your alienation, and therefore I don't think it they say no to the pastor there saying no to God when I pass the same as I just keep adding on until that they say uncle until they say that an outside and most people will say that some people would just quit church. I talk to people of left the church because they work them too much. I never got a chance to come into the service. I was busy with the children start when you can just sent this is as much as I can handle or do first season whatever somebody else like the boundaries are godly welders some great insight from Deborah Begay will hear more just a moment, let me say you're listening to Focus on the Family and your hostess Jim Daly Deborah's book is available from us here at the ministry is called 30 days to taming your emotions discover the calm, confident carrying you as you can tell she really does a great job of weaving Scripture and insights and some personal stories together in this book. Call us today. Numbers 800 K in the word family 800-232-6459 or check the program notes for the link Deborah want to talk about a word that may press some buttons to the listeners and viewers.

And that's the word tolerance in some circles tolerances become a religion unto itself that we had to be tolerant of all things to really achieve our ability to embrace everyone but there's a real specific definition of tolerance in the way Christians should embrace what is Jim, I want to lease specifically from my book on page 83.

Tolerance is not about agreeing to embrace differences. It's about accepting every person's God-given right as a Fremont agent to believe as he wishes. Tolerance is not acceptance, tolerance is just giving you space to believe what you believe really say what God gives us. Why would we be tolerant guys tolerant of us even though we even when we are out of alignment with his word.

All all souls are mine so that Saiz is going to die, you know, we beat people up and so when we say we tolerate that there's so much going on in our society that I have no agreement with the person I can dislike the behavior disapprove the behavior I disapprove to behave because you know what God has put a conscious and everybody, and I believe that everybody does wrong to remind them so I can just love them. I can do what a Christian dies, just as Jesus did.

The woman caught in adultery.

I can see he said go and sin no more salad that's okay. It's okay to have been made to you. But, that's okay.

That's okay.

Alright. So when I say tolerate.

I want to better understand when not condoning is just accepting your right to be different and I and I want you respect my my right to be different as well and I think that's what's missing in our culture will and I think that such a great part of the conversation.

So often we miss to express were someone's in the so you know what I think I know better way. His name is Jesus. You might want to start looking at and sometimes I just need to know that you Are never talking to a woman who was in the abortion industry.

And she came into my office and she was shaking in. I asked her why she was so fearful and she said while somebody said you're going to put a hex on me. I laughed as well and I said what you know about Christians and she said all I know you want to kill us. I said, you know, I can honestly tell you I don't know a single person that wants that and I said do you mind if I take a few minutes just to tell you what we believe is Christian. She said I wish you would.

No one's ever taken the time to tell that something is seen as that is the meanest, getting people bombing even young Christians now part of being negative like that.

We were celebrating our 43rd anniversary at a restaurant and the young man said. I went on this anniversary and he said that with my lady. We lived together for 13 years. Whatever it was and he said this is just a piece of paper and actually is not want a relationship that God can bless. We told the guy had been to us and how peaceful the marriage had been for the most part, and he said you just love a relationship really like you step up to be blessed by him and I and and I could tell he some consider that it was in love and concern for him.

As such, the better way for all of us and let me ask you a different W.

Mention the book.

What she learned through her faith journey. Well, that was one who had grown up in a very structured culture, like I grew up and everything was a sand the men and women any of us went together as she found something so self-righteous and she finally went to a church where there was a woman wearing lipstick and pants and laying hands on people, people are being healed as it was just a disconnect. I don't think women wore pants and lipstick could be used like that in ministry. So you sometimes you come with a self-righteous attitude.

You know, just because you don't do the things that they do you know most of us not most of us, but too many questions. If you are not guilty of the sin that I do you judge me in a different way guilty to the Romans to so we gotta watch that. Yeah it's so true. I think when I you know, one of things I've come up with when you read the New Testament you're going okay. One of the billboards that the Lord what message is he trying to get across to us. There's really two in my mind.

One is salvation through Christ and Christ alone and don't become a Pharisee. I like blinking neon signs the message of the New Testament, but we so miss the second one we were pretty good on the first one. Jesus Christ is the way but on the second one we don't even realize how we look down on other people that don't think the way we think and we look down on them because again they their sin is not my sin right yeah control that I taught I tell a story in the book about a woman who I know I saw bounced checks and and she was one of the best dressed women in the church and I thought, I'm so glad I'm not like that.

So how do we get it under him to be more Christlike, which again Christ warned us don't do that. Don't be like them within a time of putting ourselves in a superior position.

We know that that's not God that's tested we just say I know the way to Scott, it is not that it would not. When I got was that not.you know we we gotta understand when we're judging in a way that's not really discern between right and wrong, and what we should be doing, but we are really condemning people putting ourselves in a superior position that I don't even like to use the word you should is that immediately puts me in a superior position. My mentor Tom even talking to my husband she said don't say you should say. Have you considered later.

Consider this. How do we take captive these feelings of intolerance and judgment, and self-righteousness of the that's a practice that a Christian should be doing every day. Every day we talk about the Bible talks about.

That's casting down those kinds of imaginations.

First, you have to acknowledge that you do that you have to not is that you doing that is not right and you began to cast down imaginations with me by cast down, and imagination don't tolerate thoughts that take you down that path that The superiority that path of condemning other people don't allow yourself to think like that you can halt the thought that rhymes you can hot I thought you just need to stop and say I'm not to think about that company.

Think about the fact that I am what I am by the grace of God that he has worked in me.

I desire to want to do the right thing that's comes from God that doesn't emanate from my flesh in our own heart not own flesh. We don't necessarily always want to do the right thing, but I have to recognize even the fact that I want to serve God with passion then that comes from God and to give other people to grace the grace and not like I'm it like you know I'm not just like flying back thousand thousand in some areas and zeroing others as I have to realize that we always see what other people say that's why we need each other.

I need your strength there something you do well that I don't do well. So how do we get control of that cast down those imaginations so good.

You know, one of things Deborah in today's culture. When you look at things like envy and strife and jealousy. Social media has done so much exponentially with those nasty things up in our own flesh in her own heart. Both Christian and non-Christian were affected by so how do we do we approach that whole social media thing. Well, you have to understand what it is it because it can be a tool of goodness to spread the word. But every Baptist at best foot forward social media when data the picture. When I first woke up and I have no makeup for nothing and I took a picture and I said okay here's a challenge when everybody post your first thing I want to picture somebody sent you know they say are you okay makeup on every part of me wants to define what the world is doing what I love the world, but I understand that social media can generate a lot of envy. Everybody's life looks so perfect right you know we got is done in your life. The things I probably want and I see people who have 30 million followers and I'm like that.

I do associate me because I takes time for my being with Darnell about shutter things I wanted to use the thing that that spirit in beginning me because envy is rooted in discontentment. The Bible says godliness with contentment is great gain. I'm going be so much farther if I don't get sucked into this thing up not being content because if I can talk and walk and I have the faculties I have the ability to copy a whole bunch of things going for me since Jesus left but let that diminish my like a somebodies on the opposing they got the great body and that I'm going to keep my life in perspective that Deborah is wrapping up.

I think some practical answers are really helpful for folks so I need to ask what are some of the ways we can embrace contentment and have a more positive godly outlook on the life he's given us when we get one. We can be intentional and listing those things that we have that listing out blessings that sounds trite but missing if you just at the end of the day say what good things happen today. You know God's Death away from our doors. God has given me food God is given me, but I don't have to walk and get it the way they do in Africa can just turn on the shower and even though gas is high can still buy gas and I cannot go to a church that teaches the word that any number of things such as on a daily basis. Just write down two or three things that you are so grateful for because that's the antidote to being ungrateful and that is just right. Just be grateful. Don't hang around people who complain a lot. Ice always put people complaining fast, don't complain about other people who do well when they do you counteract you just counter is especially important wives and for husband and when were with each other right wing guys with the guy friends and wives with the wives friends. Yeah, you can really denigrate your spouse so you can do that you shouldn't do that.

I had a special session with women on Sunday and I talked about about what he doesn't have if you make a ton of money. Don't talk about whose husband does braces check all he's good to you, he's kind he's helpful. He supported what you make them feel bad about something he can't change.

That's not wise that's not wise about us as a wise woman builds a home, you know. Like I would own hands. So you gotta be conscious.

Think about what you think about because out of those thoughts are going to come to words and as I said at the beginning build a strong biblical foundation that is not like that is with the word of God is my thinking and alignment. Am I not grateful am I sitting up here discontent because somebody is just build a bigger house that I think that's good answers the last question, which is what something I could do today if the program was helping me to understand my feelings and emotions may not be lining up appropriately. Because of this and be the strife that I have been with anger. Perhaps all these emotions that you talk about in 30 days to taming your emotions. So I think it's getting into the word of knowing the word is getting into the word and then doing that self analysis again being truthful right now most negative thoughts. I do this I'm I'm always analyzing myself the most negative thought.

I deal with right now is the word of God say about that one. I just memorize Scripture on that and that the word of God become part of my spiritual foundation so that it informs my thoughts and my responses.

In fact, the last thing LSU is book piece another acronym.

So how do you play peace to get peace what you not put acronyms today pursue peace in this PIC prioritize every aspect of your life according to God's word was that me make sure every aspect of your life. The thought of the relational be emotional. Even the financial you have peace when you know I'm doing this, according to the word of God.

I'm paying my ties I'm giving I'm doing all of that peace because the Bible says righteousness and peace have kissed each other all right. Expect expect less from people and more from God. That's a good expect more from people and more from God acknowledge God in all your decisions.just up and do something that you want me to do. I'm listening and I met that nevertheless point, whatever you say is not be fine with me.

See is cultivate an attitude of contentment. Cultivate that you have to grow into that.

You don't just come your content because every commercial is going to tell you that you lack something and finally the E is eliminate the unrighteousness. Eliminate sand from the gate if you want peace again from Psalm 85 righteousness and peace have kissed each other there is a divine connection between doing the right thing and having the peace of God. This is so good in the book 30 days to taming your emotions you can you can digest this fairly quickly.

It's you know it's pithy and thought, but brief in words such a great read, so I would hope people would get a copy of this wonderful resource. You've heard Deborah Sgt. she's just losing with wisdom to help you live your life in such a way that honors the Lord and in your spirit in your emotions, especially and even your physical you know worship toward the Lord. So this is terrific.

Deborah, thanks for being willing to sell much. And of course we want to get this resource in your hands or just make a commitment to focus join us in ministry monthly or one-time gift and will send it as our website. Thank you for being part of the team and let me add that we have caring Christian counselors here on staff at Focus on the Family there made possible by donors who contribute on a regular basis to the ministry.

Those counselors are available to you. We can set up a free initial consultation over the phone. It all begins with a phone call to SR numbers 800 K word family or check the program notes for details about connecting with the counselor getting a copy of this great book and making a donation to Focus on the Family and coming up next time you hear practical help for couples who are considering remarriage. I am a firm believer blended families can be homes of redemption. What you gotta do it right get it wrong just as much pain and suffering half of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once more help you and your family thrive in Christ, your marriage resources your ventures and Odyssey stories content in front there are thousands of stories just like from Focus on the Family's legacy community folks who leave a legacy gift through their well, trust or other estate planning tool. You helped have godly family. Use your resources to help families for generations to come. Find out more focused legacy community.com that's focused legacy community.com