Nurture Your Wife, Stay Married For Life!

Men and women are just different. I like restaurant like Olive Garden. I like the dress I like and that you guide to get frozen yogurt over dope man in jeans explains more contrast between men and women and how those differences can impact your marriage, thanks for joining us I'm John Fuller and her host is Focus on the Family president Jim this is a great presentation from a promise keepers recorded back in the 90s, and here's why were wearing this timeless message today. Dan is challenging men to really think about what it means to follow the biblical admonition to nourish and cherish your wife. In spite of all of the differences that you have in your relationship, let me quickly set up visuals for it. Dan is speaking at a large stadium filled with men, and on stage. He has a candle burning and the flame represents a marriage later on you'll hear him use a squirt gun fire extinguisher as he explains how that marriage flame can be extinguished that Dan is very creative on the stage and dance. He born for that reason is a much sought after speaker. He's an author, and the founder and president of winning at home. Jane Seabourn is a former math teacher who enjoys coaching women to love their husbands in practical ways no points on today's episode of Focus on the Family El Monte Gaza yesterday.

I'm a little confession before start. Yesterday I was a good husband, my wife and I flew down here. I've been traveling Alabama the places she's sitting right here she's going to do something intimate with me.

You'll meet her. Jane this week I've been three or four nights this week to 130 dealing with issues. I'm tired. I like to go home and not have issues for a few days and some you're sitting here and you got like big burdens, but if you love the bottle up what you felt this weekend and take it home and didn't start out there did it. I mean, I remember thinking hearing about marriage and family all easy. Oh my goodness is the first girl I ever dated.

I thought I was going there a unity candle I represented, I thought I was going to get the unity candle with the first girl I ever liked. She was she was a pretty girl man signed her name assigned and she you kiss good.

I remember her really good you kids are you teasing kids here remember that first-line and and I remember I I like her a lot not start the mat. I struck the match with her that I thought was going to get to the unity candle got married I got stuck that matter. The started burning and burnout, I didn't get to the unity candle with her and make and then I left first grade and and in and in third grade I met Harrison looking Harrison I go to South Carolina to the South Carolina girl I let that match the man she was pretty resigned and I thought you get the unity candle was with Tina that the burnout and TALKING matches just want to burn yourself and you know I did notice a time when a girl named Jane was talking matches to and finally one day I met Jake is not what I want you guys know what I want you you sometimes the speakers get bills that you probably have the stoplight only wrote a book, let me say somebody will write book it just me that somebody did some have them get there. Okay then I'll make you squat but I want you know I am just like you.

I struggle like you see. And so I want to tell you how I met my why because you know you probably all Betty was out praying in the Lord brought her walking up to no we were in college and she see with the machine and I see her friends that she was a diminishing and she had put her money in an obviously the thing while working in it it it didn't do it right you know I get hung up in there in the first time I saw her she was reaching out like my buddy David hi true story I'll live with grandma. My buddy David lives in Pickens, South Carolina. I will walk you and David either will, and I looked over this girl I know what time is your standard get nothing out of intimacy and I said to David that girl and if the front matches the back was good to go now so so dull so I and I met a girl hot dog.

We went out on a day she didn't really see a lot she said you heard this, he said I will be free and I hate that man.

But I picture finally and got her to like me and we struck a match and we let our unity can only do know this this summer's been burning for 25 you little over 10,000 days. The problem is the problem is were not allowed, you know, I just can't get her to see that she's got some areas you got to really change the rest of the essay.

We are we are really really really different people that I'm asking my wife to John ever. Second, help me welcome gynecologist you are my life Jane 25 Matt map are right. I don't even get met always a when it was why was the over what we hear for your sake that you understand how much like you know you are and we like you, we made a list of our differences.

We did this 10 years ago started doing this and people enjoyed it so I will show you some of our different start with my more of an introvert and being in front of you is not very comfortable for me yet, but I don't think ever later I see I like nice I don't like to be sweating all I love this to me all night. When your spouse mean you live me in. He drives way too fast you guys way I keep both eyes on the road when I'm driving I keep both my eyes on her dendrites to close the car in front of him and too close to the centerline when he's driving Jane drive too close to the center of every pothole in the stinking Road, I like grilled chicken.

I like my chicken deep-fried crystal long covered the women's conference, sometimes on women.

The print and get ready legs.

The man checking it out and I like everything stayed the same.

I take some everyday since most of what we disagree. He wants to just talk to Dan and she sees the want gets really quiet drive. When we got impatient with groups in front on us if we have to wait. I like this thing about therefore I like to sleep in night to sleep in the buff. I enjoy watching movies like sleepless in Seattle.

I fell asleep watching the movies I like quiet music.

Give me something with the I like to eat at restaurants like Olive Garden. I like the rest was like fried chicken frozen yogurt joke. I'm good but I'm okay around the house of the tool. She's very good to them. I cannot give it to. I prefer a good massage. I like to be very lightly scratched and I think it is important to look nice when you leave the house.

It does not matter how you look when you later. I like the color you sent blue I like for my undergarments to be neat and clean holes baby big holes. I prefer to shower prefer to sour together.

I think kittens are cute did I always iron my close I love to watch shows like ESI like you.

I prefer small group like a big graph and I would never ever yell F in the ballgame yet so my fellow styles in the wrong know where the game like I'm yellow reference when I do it honey.

They recognize your voice and the radio seven saga change your voice if you have your publishing.

Thanks for your ministry. When I see a sign I followed the rules, see the sign when I'm sick I don't line or when I'm I don't think that physical intimacy needs to be such a big focus on marriage.

Probably once a day. Okay, I don't have a lot of your life. Sometimes parents find me crazy. So I will stop and answer direction and in spite of all of these and many many more differences I still love you well I share that with you on purpose because I want you to have a voice to say about the scandal before I tell you how to keep it burning before daylight savings time to do to put years out.

I want you to understand you, not looking at a couple that is getting there homages everything flows, not at all in the seaborne home… Or night this week to 130 okay I got a 21-year-old euros you don't love you. We got issues in our house. Okay so I'm trying to help you understand I relate to your life and so is that I want to show you only show you what's happening in our society. I want you to step back for a second and only look at your life.

You are 12 and you strike a match is you are 21 in your thinking about that girl you really close to asking five doors five times you're can I do it the first thing I want to know is can we think that marriage is about me and when God designed marriage was like okay I got to somehow have these people understand what heaven says to look like so I can get a man.

This is all throughout Scripture revelations Ephesians if I can get a man to act like Christ and a woman to act like the church. I'll put them together and have a little piece of heaven on earth. I got go so that's what I'll do is not a man, a woman I married for life. Then the kids will be like like and so Satan said you know what I wanted. I want to cause divorce to tear the same loose threads and I want to help kids learn what it is to grow up in hell on earth and limit his as he has a question you would you say that your home as you look at it. Would you say is more like heaven are more like hail. I'll be honest with him. There are days I feel I'm on just a little, but my goal is is a man listen to me you guys sitting in this room. You are the owners of the responsibility of loving your wife and children and awesome and crazy ways. Okay, I will show you right now really quick here on this thing out. You got a candle burning and I want to show you what's happening in our society today. What I see some of you men do it you're doing it right now in your house you did it before you came here. Some of you have put like this.

Go over your marriage cannot in yourself and your marriage that you're not honoring your life not celebrating her listener up you don't encourage her you'll say things like I cherish your love you. I want to be a good husband and you put out the candle. There is no candle. Find out a puff of smoke. If I if I like the scandal and I get going and it gets the burning there's nobody in this place right here and it's not going out as long as we can and you need to understand alive you go. So much so much why my marriage is not doing well because you yesterday was nothing out my marriage. I was being critical around the plane. Now, you will are you doing that was a guy do anything right turn in my life.

Yes, there is a baby I'm wrong I'm been terrible here. I'm going and there's always got right now I'm not doing good at all just terrible and they're saying, you know, marriage is a man woman marriage is a man-made marriage is a man and adultery and marriage is a man have a couple women sleep around man, what is girls at the bar and their students are candles that society trying to redefine marriage limited site is really bold, really strong, and you get in trouble for this nation.

So I get in trouble right now. Marriage is not, when it came up that so so while that keep your ears burning, keep teaching your children the marriages got man-made marriage is gone and the next thing.

Oh Satan man he sneaky. He's walking around looking for some couple to get his blow how the he's ready.

He's rock ongoing boy like you put that flame that I does this he does this with adultery, pornography, lottery right now know that in your life.

Satan soon. Bernard Grillo tried to shoot at me last night I stayed iron to Maryellen my wife Jay laid in bed last night late tried to shoot at them and some trash came on television. I said I got turned off by what I turn off and I'm telling you get some protection. Satan wants to use that trash not down your marriage and you boys were here that are 1213 1415 1110 98 when I was your age I started seeing it and it messed me even as young boy. I didn't realize it was Satan was put that stuff in my life and let myself look at it and it messed me took me years to work out and I still have to be careful. You say you I remember one time talking to my grandpa. I was 80 rock on his front porch. I said to while grandpa came like on your rights don't struggle with seeing women all the stuff he was rocking. He stopped on his rock rub on the front little ports and 6 miles out. My ride up on the funding of what you talking about boys and 80 I'm not grandpa you like to see a woman I still miss is will this never so what am I gonna do in the world when you walk in the mall pretty much the women are nude in the pictures.

The Bible says is made in your to go home and you are to love your wives. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25 as Christ loved the church, you need to go home and love her that way and it starts it starts with you. Praying for her it be awesome if somebody had walked to the door and the first divorce and that's about the Lord spoke to me as we get will pray together that all the studies put in my heart.

The Lord will guide me through it because you gotta know like like these exit Satan sent out there in the parking lot, I been waiting for you to do so I can go no Satan. I climbed in the blood of Jesus Christ that I can go and let my my kids like to start that what you and then minimum challenge. You guys do some I don't think I gotta tell you what matters will take this. I got a story to set up want matter when my boys were six and three when they were six and three I started doing somewhat that we didn't have very much money at all, big, and I love and I want to buy basketball cards will pack some when I was like no young married etc. but we do have a lot of money in your web kids two boys six and three and Jane and I would spend that money.

So I come back for me to start by just about you to get these were the boys know not to go away from you and then we went we started doing this when they were little document that I pray over him and then I would say the pillows what you mean that that first night I reached back and they pulled out mother pills will pack MBA cards and man we were out of balance bed. We open those cards and it was it was a festival I like Michael Jordan as a big thank you George you know those cards are pulled out. We looked at Jordan I would like.

So we did this for a long time and for years was was a six and three I did it for years and years and years and I did that all bad when I had tough days I can look back and cards that play, games, and but to make the story short, I gather. We had a really really tough couple of weeks that they like to stay up to 131 going so good and I had one of those days don't have you ever had this, I actually went to bed early like about 830 I went to bed early so not bad could happen that day, every day I'm going to bed all right. Don't doubt me, so went to bed and letting them try to go to sleep him him restless and I'm laying in bed and my sons came in that night to talk is it with every age. I live where our kids.I asked for cookies until I got up he got is and I said but that is true, but I know Alan came in I should say is mom is 21. He prayed for his mom gave her good night kiss and he came around to my side of the bed. I was in out stage. You know how there's guy handling is a daddy gave it because I love you know you have a hard time in pray for your good dad. Thanks and good night good night he started to walk away as he was leaving the room you look back and did you check on your pillow. No and I went don't mess with Mandell Gomez because no seriously I reach my hand back, pillow at night. I honestly started crying and I pulled a little MBA back out for him, head, and he had written a note on that.

I know you been having a tough couple weeks. I wanted you to know that you're an awesome dad and I love you.

PS don't ever forget to check on your pillows.

What the will know soon. I started crying like that. I mean, it was awesome.

Let's open them up so I gamely set on the bed. When we open it up to get spent and we said there but you know what the matter, it didn't matter. Here's what I told you that little story.

Listen to me very carefully.

Four weeks ago the 21-year-old boy stepped on the bus and moved to South Africa I will see him for one year is going to work with AIDS orphans and he got on that bus and I started crying big bus came through several people going drive to the airport and I'm I'm standing here crying like a baby.

I by the way, snuck back in big cards in his suitcase eating anything and so so he's standing on the bottom ledge of the bottom step get on that big bus to go and I'm I'm out here standing by the car and I'm waving a non-crime.

I'm crying hard. My wife Jane one you just met. She walked up. She put her arm through my arm. She's crying like crazy and then she said this to me honey. We tried to stay married and give him a good example we love them all these years and we worked for 21 years given to God, let's let them go, and we cried together and I said I said to my live as a baby would give them a lot of things I've given them cards to give them this, we suborning go to Africa but I think probably one of the greatest gifts were ever getting ready that flame still burn today. I'm not stupid I know some of your single parents, and you love your flame to still be burning. I want you to understand that your witness is apparent even through divorce, single parents, some of the greatest examples across I've ever seen and I want tell you today. My challenge for you is the Lord would help you listening Lord would help you go home and be men. Keep the candle burning listen stay married for life in right there with great message from Dan Seabourn and his wife Jane and our thanks to her friends of promise keepers for letting us share this message with you today that we run out of time so let's wrap up with some follow-up resources for your marriage.

I encourage you to get a CD of this presentation from Dan Seabourn will have some extra content that we weren't able to include on the broadcast side will send out to you for donation of any amount as you join us in our mission to help marriages thrive.

If you can visit us online. You'll find a free marriage assessment that you can take. It's about a 10 minute survey that will help you see the strengths and weaknesses in your relationship and then will lead you to resources that will help you improve those weaker areas. It's a great learning tool designed by our own Dr. Greg Smalley. So look for the marriage assessment when you visit the Focus on the Family website, and finally, if your marriage is in serious trouble. I'd encourage you to consider attending a hope restored four day intensive are talented counselors will help you get to the root of your issues and learn better way to communicate is a couple it's an incredibly effective program with an over 80% success rate when we survey those couples. Two years later. Remember, Focus on the Family is here to help you. So please reach out to us and were just a phone call away our numbers 880 family 800-232-6459 or you can donate online and request your CD and take that marriage assessment and learn more about hope restored. It's all linked in the show notes and next time you hear the remarkable birth mom and her son 48 years later, when I thought I had such because it content on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for listening today to this Focus on the Family podcast. Please take a moment and leave a rating that helps with others looking for great content and sure this episode, I'm John Fuller inviting you back next Time You Dr., Christ your marriage resources your ventures and Odyssey stories. There are thousands of stories just like from Focus on the Family's legacy community folks to leave a legacy Through their well, trust or other estate planning tool help have a copy family. Use your resources to help families for generations to come. Find out more focused legacy community.com that's focused legacy community.com