Celebrating the Bodies God Gave Us

Your sons more than he does need to hear mom and dad needed help but think of the other ways are so creative yourself and edit yourself thoughtful like things that they actually do list pics way better adjectives best Justin Holcomb and he and his wife Lindsay join us today on Focus on the Family. Thank you for being part of the program your hostess box president Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, Johnny no children today purchase deluged with criticism.

I think look at the way that an elementary school kids start ridiculing each other, teasing each other etc. and some of that I think is put in the bucket of juice. That's the way it is. That's how kids treated other, but we have to remember it doesn't end anymore. When school plans because of social media that ridiculed that embarrassment just keeps coming. If you're one of those kids that maybe doesn't have what it takes. At that age, whatever that might be a member firm in junior high I remember I just had freckles on the back of my legs and going to swim class was so embarrassing to me because everybody would pointed out what it is freckles and I know why that should be a problem but I think being Irish. It's kind of normal. But those are the kinds of things that kids need to be equipped to deal with today Morgan to talk about how to help your children be better equipped to know that there made in the image of God. You and Justin and Lindsay Holcomb will offer some great insights for parents. Justin is a minister and professor of theology at reformed theological seminary and Gordon Conwell theological seminary and Lindsay is an advocate for survivors of abuse. She works in a nonprofit development role and cofounded rest which stands for real escape from the sex trade. Justin and Lindsay have two daughters and together they authored this wonderful children's book that will be talking a little bit about today called God made me in his image, helping children appreciate their bodies and you can find out more at our website at the link is in the show notes or give us a call 800 the letter a and the word family. Justin and Lindsay welcome back to Focus on the Family good habit.

Thank you, thank you for the imitation back it's always good to be here with you alright so like I set the program up there moment ago. I think with junior high and high school, particularly were kind of acclimated the fact that can be.

This can be tough years with a lot of ridicule about your body type and body image issues. Your point is. It's happening at younger and younger ages.

So, describe how this is becoming more of an issue for children in elementary school will first.

I love the fact he start out with a boy story think this is no fishy type of things like more thing.

All people could be telling stories like that because we all have that experience. All of us do, and it does start at a very early age, so the the number one concern for 6 to 8-year-olds is body image, at least half of children that is so sad to hear that yes 6 to 8 I was so what's contributing to that wire children now more aware of their body image than 20 years ago, one of the things that we have found in the research and conversations we've had with parents is alive. It gets back to their moms how the mothers talk about their own body image and their own concerns, and children are so they are just observed the children are observing everything that their parents say in there soaking an island like sponges that they hear their mom talking about certain securities and it comes to their body. And it makes them question. I wonder what's wrong with me, even at a young age of kindergarten, first second third grade on some of the research is showing that girls and boys are very concerned about their body image. It can happen so early. Approximately 80%, about 10-year-old girls have died at least once. That's that's amazing. In 10 years of age.

That's fourth grade that really is sad and that's perhaps the most shocking thing is we start by airbrushing the models.

The whole thing like that. But now the boys and girls in elementary school are experiencing these kinds of comparisons you actually noticed it in your two girls right Lindsay I mean you have younger kids 11 to 13 and they were haphazard, they respond to this and did you wake up at one point we got to stop saying this or that or did you self-correct or hear yourself saying some things that caught your attention for congressional. Actually, they would come from school kind of telling as he now because they are more petite on the petite side tests come from just a short short short is this your chart. My mom is short. I am on the shorter side and said they would come home and share methods that dinner you and sons who cut me short and this would be in fifth grade, just to be ongoing and so we would just enter into that conversation with them at just how does that make you feel kind of ready think that's coming from, how can we frame and shift your thinking about how your made in the image of God and how does that counteract what this child saying to you, but also I think that we have found is any part of a child's body is up for scrutiny.

How can we as parents. How can we come alongside them and give them tools to think through these harmful hurtful things that they're hearing because they're going to hear things about their body. They're going to hear things that other people on whether it's through like test enlisted TV, music, social media, the parents we need to be on the on the front end of this and giving them contacts how to think through this as a Christian, let me ask you and get into it equipped the parents really what's the fundamental truth from Scripture to teach kids about their body image. How do we get that out of Scripture God made you in his image and humans made in the image of God. There's nothing in all creation that reflects God better than a human who is in the image of God in theirs inherent worth in that God made you on purpose. The way you are.

He wants you in this world like that's a message that undermines that silly cultural you're not measuring up us. Your creator is bestowing to you. Your identity right and that's a big bucket of me when you get down to the expression of that inhumanity have tall people short people, big people, small people, everything will talk about freckles. So what does that mean you know really applicable he to be made in God's image. What of the nitty-gritty, nuts and bolts of what your gifting how your gift to God and God said in Genesis, God said, here's a garden and I want you to cultivate this garden. There's things for you to do multiply and have dominion and and then invest the gift and in the idea of being image of God and the idea comes from the ancient near East because I am a seminary professor and this made it into the slot got teach the kids is all based on the doctrine of creation. There was nothing in God wanted something to exist and he really wanted humans to exist because when he talks about creating things on day 123 force good get the humans it's good good stove Tobin Huber and what would happen is that Moses writing Genesis looked around us all these kings erect statues about them self to honor themselves and set up there statues all around her kingdom.

So Moses inspired by God says that's what image of God, looks like God is setting up images of himself all around as God wants more images to fill the earth and glorify him. And in this is a picture that this is God's world. So here's a garden cultivated is what it means is that the multiethnic multitude that you see in Daniel and Revelation 5 about people from different tongues languages tribes nations glorify God. That's the fulfillment of the original call from the image of God bring that down to the that's helpful to see because the children start seeing all the diversity and difference in the way to second polar shorter, slender Laura is your different colored skin, freckles all, I guess that's the human thing that we get locked into this is the image of God, rather than the variety of God's image and people right whether I may think about skin color. It's such a ridiculous thing meaning why does that define settlement. Much of our no interaction between races, etc. because it's just pigmentation right in every culture, every colt has something about a sliding scale on how light or dark. One skin is no every sweep we been in Africa a few times and in the way people talk about darker colored skin versus lighter colored black skin is every culture has that the patient gets rooted in arson nature that the that we pounce on differences abs rather than embrace differences that are irrelevant really to our humanity. Yet when you have when you have good creation set up and you have sent invading and vandalizing the piece of the garden. What you end up seeing is his people become inward turning inward focus. We were created to worship God and to love our neighbor as soon as senators the world you have people doing bad worship.

You can enable and then you have exploiting of other people's what I think happens is that we have this curved inward nature. We focus on ourselves and there's actually a sociological principle called the homogeneous unit principle. While that means is people like to be around people who are like them and you are seeing that in churches in cultures and neighborhoods, but that is just a whittling down of the wonderful scope of possibilities of reflections of the image of God to well people who were 48 white men are the people who are most comfortable with. In so I think that's part of the problem is that sin ends up getting our focus back on ourselves and not the original plan God had for his good creation. Let's stick with culture for just a minute. How has our culture made it easier for kids to start but exclude one another has a culture feed into that when you have a celebrity culture was right where which were in the throes of in and I'm shaped by it to rest.

The thing is not just the children but I start paying attention to who the famous people are what they look like I have that voice in my head that says well you're not so and so you know you don't step up to two that it standard so you have a celebrity culture that celebrates peripheral secondary things that are not really that important wealth airbrush good looks and letting people get shape without calling that out. Yes the thing that the most powerful thing a parent can do I think is stop the movie and go Holland was talk about this. Let's list list pull the rug out from underneath the lie of what our culture is telling you about your work. That's the opposite you're not worthy because you did this look like this said this didn't say this, you're worthy because of who you are and who God made you to be and so I think finding those moments to point out the lie that's whispering in her children's ears and then which is what Lindsay so that it is is pointing out where were vulnerable. Schultz will frequently reminded all take no, we were always successful. This this took decades to get to in the sense of being comfortable with our own vulnerability in and talk about putting showing them what it looks like to say the truth about ourselves where we feel insecure or weak to each other and to the girls right thinking biblically and critically about what's going on in the culture and what our children are experiencing regarding body image that's our topic today on Focus on the Family with Justin and Lindsay Holcomb. They written a children's book that is really great creamery that will open up some doors and conversation for you and your child's called God made me in his image, helping children appreciate their bodies and would love to send a copy of that to you. I just couldn't touch with us. Her number is 800 the letter a in the word family and the link is in the show notes. Lindsay, let me pick up on that because it's touching this issue of empathy and in preparation for the show I was doing some research and I think it was University of Michigan analyzed from 2010. Did some research and analyze the results, they found a 40% decline in college student's ability to empathize and they were saying it was directly related to technology that we've kind of become course because because social media are just constantly ridiculing each other and it just kinda deadened that the ability to have empathy for others, it that's a very concerning issue. Isn't that the sad sad number, but that does make sense because it the more time you're on your screen. Whether that's texting or transition meeting at LSU are engaging just in conversation and learning how to have those social skills. Another thing that parents can equip their children. But how do you even engage technology in a way that you can be empathetic and encouraging.

Going back to those basic skills of how to have conversations but did as I can go back to kids are watching. I was even shocked when I see some of my adult friends. The thing that they will post on Facebook and they feel so brazen to post a comment that is hurtful that it whether it's to like a certain people group, or political group, and my kindness you would never say this to someone's face, but the kids are watching that the reading at their hearing about it and going back to parent setting good examples not criticizing other people or bodies.

If we go back to the body.

Example, if children see their parents judging people based on appearance or thoughts or lifestyle, then they are going to pick up on this thing is as well. How can we as parents teach our children to think critically but also compassionately.

As Christians, as children of God, give us an example that it really helps because sometimes word work in a deaf and blind to this tube because Rick is moving through the day. As parents we may not even know how we are expressing the absolutely let's go back. I wanted adjectives is what gets my attention because this is been something that is annoyed me is watching online, but also is watching in conversations, I started noticing in the span of the week as I'm scrolling through social media comments about boys and girls. Oh, this might my daughter she so beautiful. My son is so handsome. He's a stud ladykiller. I'm just seeing what you saying for ridiculous about saying this just about your kid, but the fact that that's what their children are seeing that's was being prioritized and I just asked everyone is like. Can we please find different adjectives. Please because my daughter might one of the most powerful things I can do for my daughter's in a culture that is going make them feel ugly sure big eyebrows. Whenever I mean the culture in their friends are going to bestow them in identity. One of the most powerful things as dad with my dad voices look them and say your beautiful they need to have a category. Dad saying that all I'm saying to my daughter's is your beautiful I'm making that their work the way they way they get my attention is by being beautiful. So I started at an early age going through the house like this from Lindsay going is great, but they're also beautiful, sweet, smart and strong, sought you're so strong, so try to find other ways your adventurous your courageous your sons more than handsome.

He does need to hear these handsome mom and dad need to tell but think of all of the other ways you're so creative you're so empathetic that you're so thoughtful like things that they actually do list pick some way better adjectives, and maybe the reason that were picking the adjectives that were picking is because maybe I'm secure about how I look no maybe I don't like my receding hairline and a big eyebrows or my graybeard like maybe maybe that's infiltrating maybe some self-awareness on the parents.

I'd be really helpful for their parents for their kids yet just I was can ask about them thinking that maybe these conversations don't happen with her children because I don't feel so good about myself and so how can I possibly help them feel good about myself, about themselves, so is it my own insecurities that prevents me from choosing the different adjectives I am using research on this is on point, but that that looks anecdotally that looks to be what's happening is that unfortunately there are children who are being parented by people who have a certain limp and there's a I have compassion for this is not frustration or anger when I said annoyance earlier on about the parents and adjectives, but I have compassion for that that a parent is trying to figure out how do I do this the cultures telling them there is there beautiful and just want to be a good parent, Savior, beautiful and no messing that up to know I get it because they feel insecure. There was one story that Lindsay not experienced of it was during the summer and mom and dad with our kids were out of the pool and the husband commented his wife and said his summertime is bathing suit time games, making a joke about innovating to time I get is he intimating teasing bathing suit out in the mom grabbed her side and grabbed where she thought there were fat rolls. She wasn't happy with in front of her children and our children as set out you think these fat rolls or directive just did that I thought there's a voice in her head that's really powerful for her to think as a go to impulse to do that in front of her husband, who just complimented her and in front of her children were children like wheat we addressed pretty quickly will host hold on a second. Here we pull the girls aside and had a talk about that, but there's something going on either either. She's feeling burden from the culture.

Maybe she wasn't committed as a child. Maybe she experienced some type of abuse where that would be a common way to respond about her own comfort her own skin. So I do think that one of the most powerful things that parents could do is to address their own sense of their own security and in body image.

I think that will go a long way. It's it's so good and so true and that's what you're trying to do is build up that child's sense of self-worth as well that that is healthy. You don't want them to be conceited obviously or have too much pride but to be confident is a good thing. What about those children they may have physical impairment and we were kind of cruising along the way here that were all princes and princesses you know fully capable of things. There are parents who have children you know they don't walk the same. They don't talk the same they don't look the same. How does that parent provide that child with the hope that they are to made in God's image and the need to be confident in that I think two things. One, if you're the parent of a child with a physical disability. You have such a role to play of reminding him or her that those physical impairments do not negate their worth as a child of God into walking into that as an image bear on it doesn't diminish any of the other qualities that is given them and so that's one part, but in the second part is parent who has a child who doesn't have a physical impairment. You have an even greater role to guide and instruct your children to see others with compassion like you are talking earlier with empathy. How can you really train up your kids. Hey, when you see someone with a physical disability, or with a mental disability.

How can you engage with them. What are some things you can do go up and say hi go up and email asked them questions and you can practice that a little bit so they're not pointing or what's that on the railing on the front and get ahead of it and explain to them you might see some children that have trouble locking her in a wheelchair.

I may be on have trouble with loud noise is working to see a lot more children and as we arty are just with symptoms of autism in on the spectrum is wide that really helping our kids to understand how to engage with that rather than pointing but really reminding them they are made in the image of God. They are an image bear. They have inherent worth, no matter their disability, they are not an accident, and oops you know they are just as important so many qualities it's really good at the very and here I do want to discuss bullying because that seems to be a really horrific situation. For some kids that something with my boys. I would ask them frequently. I think Jean Williams, a man, you may be asking too often, but I want to make sure they were in a good place.

I guess that's a better criticism that we never talk to them about it so I would every three weeks.

Are you guys doing okay you know you getting bullied are you bullying anybody.

I put both directions and you know I think they did well. I never said that they were that they had and so I think that's a good thing.

But how would you recommend the parent engage their children with the issue of bullying either as the recipient or the giver absolutely liking Garrett checking in is spot on. Like you did it perfectly.

I think consistently checking in you asking who did you eat lunch with today who you hang out let's get to know their friends and invite them over, but checking in on both ends like you know are you making anyone feel excluded.

Are you leaving anyone out. Ask them what you know, this seems to be kind of on their own and then that Kenny gives you that some people in there to say you have a pulse kind of on the and the situation at school, but if your child comes to you and says I'm gambling on. Definitely I would encourage parents take it seriously like don't just alleged that a phase where you know you'll get stronger pull yourself up by your bootstraps don't do that.

There's a couple things we would encourage parents to focus with their children on. Of course, let's talk about your worth. Let's go back to the basics. What we been talking about who the child, are you where eNote can get your foundation set on your made in the image of God, reminding them of the positive attributes that they have set a great place to start. Then also make plan.

Now let's talk about a good plan like there were some people you can seek out that you think are safe and kind when Annette's teachers or other students who can we go and talk to you because you want your child to feel like you're advocating for them in your hearing them and not just passing this off.

You know what are some things your child can do, especially if there at a certain age. How can they advocate for themselves why you also come alongside them so I would say in a middle school and high school like okay, who can you seek out as a teacher to go and talk to you know and our school it's copy me on the email. As a parent is that their safety protocol at the school, but let's go and talk to the headmaster was going talk to the principal together. Let's make a plan so that your child knows this is serious. This isn't something that my parentage is gonna pass off because I think what happened so often when we don't talk about things our kids feel like what they don't get it or it's a nuisance to them or they want understands I'm not can bring it up if you're showing your cat yes I do think this is serious and concerned and I want that are better options for you. Let's think through this and make a plan of what can be practical. The advocating is what stood out to me from learning of watching Lindsay with the girls. I would want to get in there and protect can do my thing and you know is like I'll step into what she did was she would advocate, but she would empower them to find their voice to figure out how they're going to talk about it with their teacher and then believed it wasn't all or nothing and that's what was really fun to watch us thinking while I get. This is how you disciple your children into an paradigm and actually finding their own voice and my way would've been really strong on the advocate of it. Not only empowering but I think across the board, something that we have notice.

Anecdotally, as we we encourage other parents connected to our children and in our church advocate for them. Take this seriously.

This was heartbreaking is going so we know what another child just said to your child and held devastating that please advocate for your child.

They they need units and not to dismiss it to hey this is what kids do support a growing up. It'll it'll toughen them up a little bit Sherer life is gonna toughen them up.

Let's get a lot of toughening up moments what they needed that point we had one story were there was a racist comment said to a child in our daughter because she already had her voice knew how to respond. That was amazing like watching her in the moment respond appropriately because she saw someone else's nervous laughter. She said that what she was laughing but they were saying really mean things. What he think that's what you think she said look nervous about you trying to hide something.

I thought she sees it like that's the empathy that that they learned primarily from their mom just really diving and being really gifted in that way and I think that's that's when you know you actually hit the mark is apparent when your kids can express that empathy engage in those conversations, and those are really good moments and you go okay my kids heart leans in the right direction.

Right dismiss perfect you know that there always going to make the right decision, but when you see them having empathy for their friends are for people that are being ridiculed or shamed, that's a good moment. Man this is been terrific and again the book, God made me in his image, helping children appreciate their bodies really aimed at 2 to 10-year-olds sets the foundation for your children to better understand what God intended for us in this life and that equips them to do better in their relationships in elementary school and junior high high school school doesn't matter. It just helps them to do better. Thanks for being with us today really appreciate. Thanks for having the design. Thank you, thank you for the questions but also the heartbeat will drill down to this night is not just the stats and the scary stuff, but getting down to the heart of the children and the parents. I said a lot more fun to have that conversation, but I hope people will engage and if you can order a copy from Focus on the Family. Remember were not pan- shareholders. All that goes right back in the ministry, which is great and if you make a monthly gift that's wonderful helps keep the budget study or one-time gift is fine, but if you make either of those will send you a copy of the book as our way of saying thank you for joining us in ministry you donate today to get a copy of his grade book, God made me in his image. It will further your conversations with your kids. Our number is 800 the letter a in the word family or click the link in the show notes and while you're online. Be sure to take a few minutes and fill out our free parenting assessment will link over to the website for that. It is a really helpful little tool to equip you with knowledge of where your strong in your parenting and maybe an area or two of growth for practical and will send follow-up articles and resources to help you grow as a mom again that link for our parenting assessment is on the website and next time Dr. Gary Chapman explains why forgiveness is essential for having relationship will have to be perfect to have good marriages.

We do have to deal with people all stone that's next time on Focus on the Family with Jim on behalf of Jim and the team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once again help you and your family thrive here asking people how they could both give and I don't know maybe love you give and get love through body. It's also possible that the charitable gift annuity you get a secure source of fixed income and a charitable tax class giving a charitable gift annuity to Focus on the Family family thrive for generations to come. Find out more good and giving.com focus planned giving.com