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August 10, 2022 6:00 am
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For me, and all these things to see Tanner Lantana forgive Chad it was truly out of obedience to the Lord. That's Kathy Robichaux sharing how God was working in her life and in her shattered marriage.
Our host is Focus on the Family president and author Jim Daly I'm John Fuller in the book capturing the story is by Chad Robichaux called fight for us to find renewed hope and encouragement from that book. It's a story of redemption will continuing today John we heard from Chad and Kathy last time from a conversation we had with them a few years ago a man think really went through some heartbreaking and difficult things during their childhood, both coming from broken homes and broken marriages with their parents.
Chad later suffered from PTSD after eight tours of duty in Afghanistan in the special forces and it was not a smooth transition back home. Chad continued to deal with PTSD. Kathy, I think in many ways felt like his protector is nurture as she was trying to raise three kids pretty much on her own. There was a lot of fear in her. At that time.
If you didn't hear last time you've got a listen to the first part of this painful story because it really set up what were going to talk about today.
Kathy and Chad separated for a while after Chad had several affairs. It's inspiring how God work through pain and brokenness measurement to hear you were spiraling down almost like that death spiral. Marriage 15 years of struggle. Kathy you were feeling all alone.
You talked about that last time we had dropped off a very touching point when you were struggling with Chad's affairs and things like that.
Let's pick up the story. There you are trying to figure out what was going on you not even sleeping in the same bed at night you got this career in mixed martial arts people giving you accolades Chad about what good fighter you are and how fearless I'm sure you are and how you are 18 into and finding all the the strokes and the accolades in that environment where is God beginning to show up in this picture Sally that when even that by letting the bottom yeah the bottom was for me was we separate moving and we sell her home moving to separate apartments signed 12 month leases and start a paper for divorce and me Kathy at two separate reactions you, Kathy, went to church and I was registered last week and I remember people tell me that you legates is wall and just be crying this wall and she started this really get people around her and encourage her and pray for me and I with this apartment and that is live the single life which lasted about a week and then II had a time to reflect and realize that of all the people I blame my whole life. My father, the military really Kathy for not understanding what had been through. Like always blamed everyone else around me is an idiot and the realization that it was me and that I because as I destroy my family and so that kind of clarity in my life at that time. Let me to make a decision that that was in a room remove myself in the situation and I decided to take my life and I was in my closet knows.
Please limit for send you what happened somebody find me and I want the kids to find me and have the statistic that one in three children from having to commit suicide will take the life as well. Still unaware that but I'm rethinking it and thinking that my kids they follow me in everything I do. They been wrestling to take a walk and it will lead a legacy my kids. I was try to plan how to make it look like an accident, but I would remember to sit in my closet prepared about two weeks my pistol is trying to talk myself in the in doing this and then I had a knock on my door from Kathy and Kathy would had the divorce papers upon divorce papers and I just need to sign. We had been to the three month cool off. Whatever it wasn't in Texas at the time and and she would give me the paper.
We were very kind of edgy, even any conversation between us is very very hostile but she asked me this question at this changes the reason were sitting here today. She asked me how I could be as successful as in the military as a may fighter doing all the schools and diplomats in the crazy diplomas that we did when it comes your family you quit, you fight for everything else we don't fight for our marriage. That's right in question is radically impacted me like being called a quitter and, but she was right and so she push the red button you hope to do that or was that just a God thing. Now I that was to lick. I think as I know I said that in some ways before because I didn't understand.
I may not watching him.
If you Google Chad's name you see these amazing pictures. MMA pictures of him total fašade Brighton and in our home it's falling apart.
Our kids are hurting our kids don't understand Michael you know what's happening and everybody believes like time was just this. I don't know, almost a God. I think they were looking at him like they just like love to me, knowing my husband is willing to give up his family for all of you know that you know people that are just loving on him. He married everybody's what's hard is I didn't understand how he can fill everyone else's attention and their I don't know that prays they would get him my gasp, but he couldn't feel anything for me you know nothing I said I know we had really bad times.
At that time been no way I there was no way to love him and show him live for care anymore was something he wasn't accepting it. And so it hurt. You know that he would accept this from you know men and women you know and and so for us to know, put our house up for salad. Move out and move into different places and and you know that what was crazy is it like he I remember him actually crying when we moved out of like you're the one making these choices to be with other women in your crying as were packing up our RU halls and leaving why can't you just stop doing what you're doing and let's say no one don't you know and on doing this but he didn't need he wanted to continue doing what he was doing so when I moved into my own place.
This the first time.
Now I'm in my early 30s and had my children very young kids. At this point there like elementary, junior high school age. Maybe 11, 12, 13 years old there about and so this is a further letter for well yeah they've seen that they they see not moms very jealous of women. They see that and on and so when I got into my own place and the kids had to go visit with dad for the first time.
That's the first time I'm having to give up my kids and leave my kids and I would be home alone so I just got on and I just started praying that you know asking God like why don't know if I was asking him why so much like why are you doing this to me, but like why why is this happening I don't understand it hurts so bad you like in answer to one not at that point. In fact, now I see with what were doing it so clear but I didn't see at that time was only pay it was just pain, but it was the most intimate time I've ever spent with the Lord, which was the most precious time in my life so such a powerful statement.
It wise that really was, in fact, sometimes I'm like I think and I'd love to have that time again when on well with this pain again is interesting how that circumstance with circumstances that hurt us drive us toward exactly and they are precious times we Christians tend to want to have comfortable times you will want to have painful times yeah the draw zoster. Can I ask you Ted is a man is man to man when you walked into church on Sunday and you knew all the stuff was going on what that feel like deep in your heart, not the part you were expressing to everybody at church but when you walk in the front door and guys particularly come over to hey Chad I do man patch on the back. I saw your fight near your awesome all the things that Kathy say what really was going on deep in your heart like a fraud wanted into it may be question if he believed that all I may not I had a real struggle with my faith, one I don't at that time Otis that I struggle my faith but I believe those really angry at God because things were going away and and I couldn't understand you the things that I was struggling with, and so it was going a mix of those motions. What in you because I'm drunk just trying to think of people that I know what in you That Holy Spirit hook in your heart because I think a lot of guys particularly will snap the hook often walk away and they were going to years of denial years of frustration they go through with the divorce as they want the hassle it takes them longer to come to the conclusion that you came to in a relatively short period time you halls go out years. Lincoln why what my doing. Kathy pops the question why we fight for your country but you won't fight for our marriage that penetrates you with that difference between a guy that's still got that hook from God and the and even though it may not feel strong. It's there versus the guy's just cut set off and walks away. Think I've always felt God's call not only called to ministry, but I just always felt God calling my life and and always get a new was there and to do the right do the right thing I do know how to do it. I never had even my young age. I would say game electric rice at 14 years old, but there was no mentorship discipleship. Beyond that, and so I was left doing my own and so we Kathy asked me this question I knew it had to make a decision. You had to do something different now.
We always say we know something which you any life is working want to do something different that was that moment for me, but I knew you could do by myself and I had never had anyone around me had to go to Kathy and look at this time.
A life that a thousand students at always fans and one that told me everything. What here and no one in my life that I could trust me will make I would make the change in my life and I was really sad moment for me because I did that I as amateur my life and realize that I had wished accountability animal life and to go to Kathy and say in this church are going to his or someone that could help me with this hold me accountable of this and she introduced me. This man Steve Toth. He never served in military and I think God made ADD and wired them specifically deal with me because he did give me time to manipulate Amber really yeah I'd literally plan on paper house ethics my life and and he looked at this plan we met for coffee at Starbucks and he looked at my planning that you looked at it.
He just slid back to me said you can fail you to write back where you are is a good plan and he's like no it has nothing to do with relation to Christ and if you will build your life that you can write back right now. Speak to that guy that's in denial right now. You're the military guy talk to me if I'm living there what you send me me that you II believe that for me. Guy was always there. I continued to push him away and covered up with dizziness and accolades in and one achievement to the next and also that mostly it all a matter fact I was recently interviewed and some I read my resume and he says a make you feel and it said it makes me feel terrible. It sounds like you describe someone that led to select discontented and I was just really searching for to be that person feels created to be an ass was long inside of me and to be the person God created me to be in and and instead of just doing that covered up with all these different things into my life are good ride, the military service in Lemoore short sell of competing but those when the things that I was created for Kathy need to pick up. We are on the last portion of today's program that you halls of gone out.
You guys are living in separate apartments. Chad you've contemplated suicide. You mentioned a while ago that you set for couple weeks and out of this closet think and how to do this without my kids knowing I did this where does God begin now to heal it. She's mentioned this question about fighting for the marriage Well for me in the lowest of my being stuck in my bed stuck inside my house because I was so depressed knew I needed to pray for my husband that I really didn't know what to pray for him and I really probably didn't want to pray for him in his he was making that choice. You know, making the choices to not be married anymore and so I picked up the book power of the praying life and I thought I would go through.
Like the first scene of the chapters and see which ones he needs to be pray for, so I started picking out like his temptations, his integrity and but the very first pray in their ways, praying for his wife and him think that he should be praying this prayer over me. You know it's a be praying for me and so I began to pray for me and the Lord really started opening up my eyes to see a lot of my sin in the marriage and what I was I not dealing 200 God as the wife God had called me to be okay, everybody just went. Why talk about this because it's a matter of the heart restate that because it's so important in people who are in bitterness and denial. This is the hardest thing to get the God really want your attitude to move in a better social me not lived in such bitterness for so long in unforgiveness that I knew it was time to well I guess I should say I didn't know what time it was really just got opening my eyes to see that it was time to start recognizing my faults in the marriage and how I wasn't being a godly wife.
He had called me to help you attitude.
Normally I mean when you caught that when you okay Lord, it's me. I could get my heart I can't control Chad right what to do for you in terms your attitude toward Chad right well I guess because then there I started praying that God help me to see Chad the way you see Chad so I want to see Chad the way he saw Chad know that that I mean, that's not much. I was doing the way God sees Chad, you know, like helping to see Chad the way you see chat and help me to love child like you live chat in the most biggest thing was, help me to forgive Chad the way you forgave chat so I'm praying all this stuff not even expecting to even be back with faith yesterday wise and it was really just began. I just honoring God is really and it grew in my heart. It really was true true growth for me to ask all these things to see Chad, I love China forgive Chad it was truly just out of obedience to the Lord and I don't know how it got there, it is dead. As I began to pray and get closer to Christ and the intimacy between me and Christ. That's what came out. That's what I started living.
So how does a woman that has been hurt in her heart's been torn out over and over again. Say yes to the man that wants to come back home again when he's already did this to me several times how does she say yes. All I can say is that God had given me this piece one more time to soften your heart one more soften my heart and it really did it and it allowed me to see him just with enough grace that I can say yes one more time, but the following year to come. I don't know if it was hard, urges the different hard it was just so hard. The following year to come to obeyed the Lord to live chat and to forgive Chad the way he did into work on that not be the woman I was before, who through the past and his face, so therefore waiting get anywhere but now to place my hope and trust.
Even my anger I felt towards chat put this in God's hand. Put the set the cross every single morning.
Now is a successful, not every day but I was going somewhere for the first time in your heart was improving, yet I think it's important for people, particularly women, the catch that you left to the Lord. Yet that is significant. Don't under value.
That's the thing, and that is the thing in every marriage when you can put Christ first. That's what it means yet to put Christ first Chad, were you at in this year like the bad guy, but it was really crazy because I made a decision to make these changes at this mentor in my life is will and disciple me and hold your account and hold me accountable and he led me into ruining my life to Christ, the most authentic level ever imagine doing that and then beyond that, he started mentoring me and actually year-long process of Biblical manhood and in what I discovered into that was at will, not just end of it, but to the processes that my marriage is not restoration my relation with the kids upon restoration with his PTSD thing that I never thought would never go away. Medevac doctor told me something to do with the rest my life that start going away and what I discovered was a was an incident or series of incidents that really let me to where was it was the choices I was making everyday and I never lost control that and that God actually had a blueprint for manhood which had sought all along and I want to store lima life to that.
That's when I found healing like I think is important. Know like all the pills all the counselors all programs everything a try before didn't work MMA jujitsu schools of things are well those things that work when I simply made a decision decision to lima life or the life I was created to live through this blueprint. That's when I found healing and no nothing replaced just stepping that relationship with Christ I got was how long for me along and in this process talk like Kathy like when I came home and we start whistling a marriage. Kathy went to this woman I was praying for him every day and in wanting this man of God and am now trying to be that it was met with me. She was really fearful and I could see it right away as you have moments of why she was thankful that she had moments to where she would almost rebel against it right and I think it's really important for couples that are in restoration understand that because I didn't understand at first Mike, she prayed for this and now she has it. She was taken right back to where she came from and I'm so thankful for Steven and mentorship. He gave me because he asked me some tough questions that you have right to be heard.
She's scared you gonna let her down again. What's really rebuilding the trust yeah how long would you say that process is taken or is it still you know building what were you at especially for couples who you know that word I was a was a full year.
For now, I had to make a decision when she told me a set, I decided that she was entitled to that. So instead of her getting angry about something. I thought something my face and me saying hey Yorty for game for that say I'm sorry that did that to you. I can't believe I did that to you and I will try to love her and sometimes she let me hold her lover pray with her and sometimes she pushed me away and walk on the Roman gods of the Roman pray for my wife and that's what made the difference.
That was what was different from that time to get hurt me before he saw more of God in him. I did, I saw him willing to allow me to show my fear without any repercussions. I needed to be able to show him that and him except that I needed that without shutting me out without showing me he was going to leave me. I wanted to see him that he was in a stick by me while I express this fear instead of running out the door. I mean there were times that I would hear his keys in the drawer open and right away, it would put me back in the moment of him leaving me and for a while he knew he even had to be careful with that. Next to talk openly about the feeling I have the keys yeah I think that's good he actually yeah he he I hear him say it every now and then. Kathy even had you know her times. You know, things that would actually bring her back. So about a year.
How long ago was that so that was about a year of your marriage and how many years ago has now been that was in 2010 that we were reconciled survive six years. Yeah and yeah we start right away and people thought it was insane. It would start a ministry away but we when this happened in my life I felt like I truly did find a cure that always say that NetSuite is describe. It was like at stage IV terminal cancer was dying and Steve gave me a cure like in a new hobby. Other veterans struggle with suicide. 22 a day.
Divorce rates and I felt like you, I found the cure and I want to share with someone else. And so we start passing it forward to others when that's been your passion is to reach other couples military couples particularly who are suffering in a similar way, my suicides, divorces, divorce rates are staggering and we felt like we found again. I found a cure in acute risk you have in talks with the problem in most things like this, and the truth is there is a problem, but there's also solution we feel like we have it.
We've committed our lives to Panna Ford and we did it pretty quickly and will we admittedly say we went out of the woods when we started this, we were just on a path and want take others on that path with us.
Well it's good let's link at our website will link to the mighty Oaks foundation people that are motivated by the incursion to help you do what you're doing with the military as well. Can I end with this because in my heart I was that little boy I came from a broken home just like you to both came from broken homes, are you kids doing now are the in terms of their faith or the goal while God is real. Look what happened to your mom and dad were there members by one the most shameful memories of all this was sitting our kids down and saying it was can be better right you I got there. Spidey Moran and there was devastated and that could've been lifelong, like destruction for them but I'm so thankful for the restoration got is brought into our family or you stood up to your word to me. No, I mean telling our kids that this can be better this divorce holds the door so should a veteran and you have to hear fighting anymore, and that these things in the truth was, it wasn't.
It was great at her heart.
It was their heart to hear that yeah did it anyway and so they responded so quickly to just grab hold of this.
This change in a shift in our hearts and I'm so proud as all three were kids. It is on fire for God to American Bible college and I will once second semester Bible college and he's a wrinkle reservist in the bow daughters leaving the Bible college or soon and in our youngest son is on fire for the Lord to so it's is amazing. It would surprise me that they were praying under their pillow. Yeah, my mommy and daddy back to my youngest song would be the one that while I was struggling and he went hold my hands and pray with me. It was amazing and so sweet so sweet, and all I can say is well done. The nuggets I'm ticking away and I hope the listeners are as well. You hit it really strong. Kathy turned toward God put your burden on him, trust in him and you hit it should then find the truth of who you are, and may not be pretty but God loves you.
He cares for you and he will pull you in a better path. A righteous path and that's what I pull out of this is not our circumstances that dictate who we are. That's what we do to deal with them and in your case you did so many of the right things, even though you're doing wrong things as well but you turn toward God put the yoke on him and invited him in and you begin to act more like him, praying for each other love was thank you so much. Great to see God working in slides like you did for Chad and Kathy.
That's why Focus on the Family is here to encourage and inspire you in your marriage and in your family relationships in your walk with Christ, if you're resonating with some of Chad and Kathy's stories don't wait call today and talk to one of our counselors who can offer the help you need to find redemption for your marriage, and Jon, I really feel like I need to mention a program. Her focus called hope restored, which offers intensive marriage counseling. We have several locations across country and it has an 81% success rate. We go back to those couples.
Two years later and do survey everyone and find out how they're doing and 81% of them are doing better and still married, but if your marriage feels like it's near the end of the rope. Ask us about hope restored today also Chad's new book is called fight for us and your marriage will definitely be strengthened when you read it. Also donate part of the team and also in your copy of the book as our website contribute as you can quest that will or to speak with one of our counselors. All that and more. When you call 800 K word for 800-232-6459 four stop by the program notes where we have all the Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for listening today to Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller and fighting back once again help you and your family thrive. I was shocked when she gave me the divorce papers. I was so done I had reached my breaking point. I was desperate for a shred of hope.
So I called the hope restored team. It Focus on the Family they they listen to me and they asked about what was happening in my marriage. They encouraged me and my wife to attend one of their marriage intensive's for couples in crisis and they prayed with us.
They help me believe that my marriage could be saved agreed to go but was skeptical that anything could help us but the whole environment was so safe and nonjudgmental.
I felt my heart open up as we work with the counselors. Both of us still have work to do in her marriage but for the first time in a long time we have hope again Focus on the Family's hope restored marriage intensive program has helped thousands of couples who thought that their marriage went over find out which program is right for firstname.lastname@example.org