Four Things Your Family Can Do During Coronavirus

With all that's happening in the world who may be looking for ways to both entertain and encourage your family. We like to help you do just that by giving you a four week free trial of the adventures in Odyssey club you can find our catalog of nearly 900 adventures in Odyssey programs. These exciting episodes are a great way to keep your family connected to God's truth as you navigate through significant and unexpected changes to your normal day-to-day life.

So go to a I/O club.org and get started on your free trial of the adventures in Odyssey club grace. Let's give these birds were kids. These are hard times we need to be full of grace and give space emotional space physical space is if you take a timeout, go to your room. Sometimes a really good insight from Dr. Kathy Cook today and you can hear more from her.

As we try to encourage and support your family during this rather unprecedented season of sheltering at home during the coronavirus situation.

She's our guest on today's episode of Focus on the Family your hostess focus Pres. and Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John.

I always love the practical wisdom and insights that Kathy offers, especially when it comes to that important relationship between a parent and child were all moving so fast. Typically, you know, one of things I've realized pulling back the pace of life and just how wonderful it is to be with your family. I've really enjoyed it hasn't come without strain.

There's the amount of this natural ebb and flow that we've got going in the family were were together for a little while.

Then we all kinda just migrate to different areas of the house, take a break. Look at the emails etc. but it's been really good and I'm looking forward to hearing from Kathy about additional ways we can cope and I think it's going to help you as well aware where the families are feeling the stress. I mean, that's part of it right now were spending more time together than perhaps ever before, and were learning how to love one another, be with each other and as Kathy said in that opening give grace to each other and that's why we wanted to connect with Dr. Kathy Cook today she's an author or speaker. She's a writer and she's been doing a lot of Facebook live videos to offer hope to parents to capitalize on that today for this broadcast. Kathy is the founder and president of celebrate kids and of the concepts would be hearing about today are from her book, five to thrive. How to determine if your core needs are being met and what to do when they're not. We've got the book and other resources. Just check the link in the episode notes Dr. Kathy welcome back to focus.

Thank you so much Jim, it's a delight to be here.

As always you joining us from Fort Worth, Texas, where you live in your home office, I guess.

And then John and I are different studio so were all practicing the social distancing, which I think both you and I prefer the term physical distancing right absolutely. My pastor has actually challenged us to strengthen our social ties during this unique time which I think is totally possible even though we can't be in in the same room with as many people as we would prefer what are you hearing from people, those that you counsel all the from a distance now, but what are some of the stress is your hearing and even new and confusing. Even adults have never experienced this, so they feel like they are novices trying to guide children and I'm trying to say to them it's okay to learn together.

It's a great opportunity for children to see you humble yourself and reach out for support and even taught call your dad for input and advice. What a wonderful thing for your sons and daughters to see you still living under the authority of appearance so we can we've got a look at the positive side of things that we can learn to this unique time even though it's an absolutely is challenging just because it's different though it is you've identified four things that families need to do to survive and hopefully thrive. What are these for in the current context of sheltering at home right. Thanks for asking. We need to grieve what is evidence we need to accept what is.

We need to reject the lies and we need to work on what we can. Let's go through those grieve what isn't.

I struggle with this when I think it may be my background John.

I don't know about you but for me it grieve what isn't.

That seems like a lot of time to do something that that we don't need to go kind of an emotional weight well and I'm sorry I don't know if that's a gender thing or family of origin thing, but straighten me out. Kathy, why should I take time to think about that. First of all I love how honest and transparent and vulnerable. You guys are there are man listening saying yes and their women listening who have just been affirmed as well. You know many of us would rather stuff the loss. We'd rather just go on our happy, you know, walked to the DC look at the butterfly life and yet I'm working to pay a price for that. I think if we doubt honestly embrace the reality of our circumstances, and if we don't as parents and grandparents admit that this could be hard for us, our children will have a harder time coming to us to admit that they're struggling and we need to be honest and observed that they are observing real loss and you can grieve the loss of a soccer season, a prom, a band concert teacher who you have gotten along with really well all year.

Yeah, you know, I think moms and dads both share this when it comes to their children. We want to fix their problems.

I know husbands tend to have that in their relationships with their wives another. They're not connecting necessarily emotionally, but I'll fix it. Just tell me what the problem is. I'll give you three steps you need to take when it comes to parenting, I again I think both moms and dads hear the sadness or the issue with their kids and they want to make it more comfortable. Why should we not jump to that conclusion so quickly and let our children process sadness and loss for a bit longer than we might be willing to let them when children feel like projects are trying to finish some problems you're trying to solve. We lose some authority. They don't want to feel broken. They want to be seen and known and acknowledged and not invisible, and I believe that when we feel their pain before we try to fix the problem.

We have increased authority and increased possibility to be the one they will turn to in a time of need, and it can be awkward because we don't want to kids to hurts and you know what Jim, this is a season when we can learn a lot about suffering and I'm not implying that everyone is suffering. As you stated earlier there can be some joy in being connected to your family. There can be some delight and not having to run around and rushed everything out a lot so it's okay if you're not feeling as much grief as your neighbor. This is a personal thing. What about the scripture that teaches us that when we walked to the valleys. We grow up in our faith deepens that our character matures right this is an opportunity to do that with and for our children. And if we try to make them stuff their grief and their sadness and their pain and just acknowledge that you can get over it, then maybe they won't experience what they could experience through this season in life.

Well, again, it can be a lot of different things in this environment, but talk to your kids. That's the point you're making. I totally agree. Don't bail amount but let them know what reality is, I think that's a great great thing right.

Your second step is accept what is and you say we adults have the power to model this for our children and I know what you mean by this big give us practical examples are an example of what you're talking about, and this can be so challenging because your kids are necessarily going to get over things as quickly as we want. So maybe they've already missed three soccer games and you wish that they would just stop talking about it but again they say he today would have been Saturday and this is when again we allow them to grieve longer than we would've grieved and we hug them and love them and let them talk about it. Let them wear their soccer outfit that day and then at some point is appropriately so you know, son.

You play soccer again someday. So I think part of accepting what is, is recognizing again allowing them to grieve, allowing them to step into that space and then communicating that positive optimistic perspective that parents ought to have where we begin to turn those conversations toward the things that are going well, maybe we say here, but but yet are real say but does that's damaging but I we say yes it would've been soccer today instead let's do this much.

So though if there is something that is still going on that is good you know an example that last night we were in the basement. Jane was on the phone with a relative and so we were in the basement sock baseball and we had this big old rubber X caliber sword that one of the boys probably got when they were seven or eight years old so we pull it out of the toybox and we have this sock and were going baseball wackiness thing all over and we were howling. Trent, Troy and I am in. It was kind of the most fun we've had in recent years. I member coming up in the basement last night. I just said Jean we the boys and I should've been doing more. This and I regret that we didn't take more time to do this, those the kind of things you're talking about things that are happening now that maybe we should've spent more time doing in years past with their kids right and for legitimate reasons maybe weren't able to you know moms and dads who travel you know that the stress that were under to protect and provide for our kids, all that is legit. We can again grieve that what want to be interesting to see what the new normal is. After this, I don't think everyone will go back to what it was, I think. I hope that we take into our new season after the quarantine is lifted something to be gained from this, including prioritizing fun and games and wrestling with our kids, you know, when we play with our kids and explore with our kids and read with our kids.

They benefit and so do we. There is a connection from the heart to the head. There is feelings and thoughts that merge there is vulnerable conversations that take place when were playing games that might not of taken place when we interrogate our kids at the kitchen table maybe about their homework and other things That You Know We Talked about Those Positive Things but What You Also Mention Is That Right Now We Need A Lot Of Grace in Our Homes and I Think You Were Hearing Her Focus Where You That's Becoming a Little More Difficult Because Their Stressors Especially Children That Have Been Going to School Now. There in a Situation Where They're at Home Schooling.

I Don't Think It's Quite Homeschooling. The Way We Know It, but A Lot Of Schools Are Doing Online Things Assigning Homework and Having It Return the Computer, Etc. so It's Just Different but I Know Some Parents At Least That Were Hearing from It Stress Them out Because Maybe the Kids Are Getting the Homework and Are There, It's Kind of the Squad's Spring Break Summertime/School Time That Nobody Is Familiar with and Then Both Parents and Kids Are Tripping over This Because How Much of the Day. Do I Commit to School Used To Be 67 Hours If I Go to School Now. It's Maybe Three or Four Hours, but I'm Not Even Get the Work Done and Then Mom and Dad Are Going. How Can You Not Get the Work Done.

You Need a Better Grade.

Come on, Let's Go Explain That Kind of Environment. What Were Facing in Wyoming Latest Yeah It's It's so Messy I Had When My Friends Cut It up and Her Children Were Reported to 20 Different Teachers and so There's No Different Policies at Different Times to Get on the Devices with the Chat Room in the Whatever and You Know I Think Most Teachers Who Sent Assignments Home Did the Very Best They Knew How to Do to Predict How Long Something Would Take for a Child to Do Separated from the Peer Group and the Teacher You Know Walking around the Room to Make Sure the Kids Are Staying Focused. This Is a Challenging Time in Parents Don't Understand Common Core Math and Any Other Number of Things and so School and at Home Is Very Different from Homeschooling Absolutely and We Can Do It. We Absolutely Can and We Can Give Grace and We Can Say You Know What, If You Finish, I'm Happy You Know It's It's Not Going to Be Grades the Same.

It's Not Can It Be Necessarily Excellence the Same. I Do Think That If Kids Complain about You Know They Don't Have Time to Play Then You Look Them in the Eye and You Say, Then, Be More Efficient with Your Work Because You Are Taken Longer Than You Really Need to and and You Can Own This Get up Out Of Bed and Go and Sit in Front of Your Device and Get It Finished and yet I Respect That They're Distracted by Anything around Them and the Baby Sister and Dad's Home and You Dad Stress Because He's Trying to Work from Home and His Timesheets Ridiculous Because He's Interrupted Every 7 1/2 Minutes You to Buy Something, so It's Hard.

And This Is Why You a Friend of Mine Goes into the Master Bedroom Closet Closes the Door and Has Hidden in There, a Bag of and without Timeout Rather Than Giving Her Kids a Time As You Know the Answer Say I Think That's As Long As You Know, the M&Ms Are Safe.

I Think That Mrs. Focus On The Family with Dr. Kathy Cook and Your Host Is Jim Daly and John Fuller Were so Glad to Have You along with Us for the Special Broadcast, As We Kind of Unpack How You Can Do Your Family Better during These Stressful Times of the Code 19 Coronavirus Situation Has Us All on Edge and Focus Is Here for You with Counselors with Great Resources Give Us a Call If We Can Be of Service. Our Number Is 800 K Inward Family and Then Stop by Our Website to Get a Copy of Kathy's Book 5 to Thrive. How to Determine If Your Core Needs Are Being Met and What to Do When They're Not That's Available and We Got the Link in the Episode, Notes, and Kathy, As We Talk about You Know Accepting What Is You Talk about Grieving. What Isn't, and Now Accepting What Is.

It's Really Important for Us As Parents to Help Our Kids Navigate Those Disappointments You Touched on This Earlier. How Do I Help My Kids Navigate My Own Disappointments about Maybe the Stress I'm Feeling of Them Being in the House All the Time. There's No Relief, and I'm Running the Closet for M&Ms Again.

Yes, We Certainly Need to Be Careful of What Will Our Kids over Here.

I Think That's Very Important for Talking to a Friend or Colleague Are a Mom or Sister and We Say I Were Stuck at Home. What a Negative Connotation for the Child to Hear That Were Stuck at Home for Us to Say in Their Presence That We Miss Our You Know, Coffee and Donut Run in the Morning You Have a Right to Miss Those Things in This What You Need to Grieve Well and You Do except That This Is a Season, It Will Not Last Forever. If We Do Think I Kids of Overheard Us Being Stressed Are Negative and Have a Conversation That Hey I Trust God, It Doesn't Mean That I Don't Trust the Gods on the Throne and He's Not Surprised by This. However, I'm Surprised and Concerned and I'm Kinda Behaving like Joe, but I Have A Lot Of Questions and Got Understands That & If You Overheard Me Say Something Negative. It's Not about You. I Think Maybe Some of Us Need to Apologize.

Maybe We Need to Sit down and Be Willing to Have a Conversation and Make Sure That They Understand That Daddy Will Go Back to Work Someday. Mom Will Go Back to Work Someday You Will Go Back to School Someday or Maybe Were to Choose to Homeschool Because It Actually Is Working out Better Than We Thought and Kathy Moving the Number Three Which You Entitle Reject the Lies. What Kind Allies Are You Talking about Is That the News or Talk about Something Deeper. That's Fabulous. It Could Be the News Sources Are Using to Get Good News from. That's a Very Good Question Because I Think That There Is Deception out There for Us to Be Alert to Are Not Stupid People.

Let's Make Sure That Were Listening and Watching with That with the Full Set of Eyes and Ears If You Well.

I Think That the Main Lie Is You Know You Can't Do This, You Can't Survive If You Can't, to Love This.

Well You Can't Live Together in This Close Proximity and Not End up Hating Each Other. This Is a Hard Season. We Have People Living Together Who Don't Necessarily like Each Other but We Can Do This and It Will and at Some Point and We Will Get Our Freedoms Back. We Cannot Believe the Lies That Will Never Recover from This Because Pessimism and Discouragement on Top of All Else It's Going on Is Not to Note Something to Be Good for Us.

Let Me Let Me Punch This a Little Bit Because I See You Know within Extended Family, Etc. There Is A Lot Of Anxiety and A Lot Of Fear, Especially If You're Watching the News and Depending upon the News You're Watching Certain Personalities, Certain People Because of How They're Wired in Their Bent and Maybe They Don't Have a Faith in Christ or They Don't Have Something Anchored in Eternity. There's A Lot Of Fear and Anxiety People Are Stressing out and Everything Is You Know the End of the World and of Course Plagues Have Come and Gone with in Human History and Even in the Early Church in Rome, There Is a Devastating Plague Were 5000 People a Day Were Dying. The Interesting Thing That Context Is the Christians Ran into the Neighborhoods That Were Plague Infested to Take Care Of Those Who Were Ill and Dying and Many of Them Died As Well but Speak to That Bigger Issue of Just Fear and the Culture and How We As Christians Need to Manage That for Ourselves As Parents and Then with Our Kids. How Do We Model That I Think That We Should Be in the Word of God in Our Kitchen CS in the Word of God As a Source of Strength. If We Say That God Is Our Strength. Do We Behave As If He Is, and If We Turn to Him in the Word Art.

We Will Be Encouraged Especially If We Hang out in the Right Sections of the Word and the Right Psalms. The Psalms Laments and This the Psalms That about David Where He Was Maybe a Disappointment in the Season, but Came Back Strong. I Think That We Need to Pray and Read to Pray As If We Believe That God Hears Us and Is on Our Side and Went and We Need to Make Sure That Our Kids Here Is Pray for Them and That We Asked Him the Next Day. You Know How They're Doing and If They're Still Sad.

We Pray in the Moment for Them You Father God, Would You Help Jessica's Heart Turn toward Joy Which You Show Her What Is Good Today, Which Would Increase Her Optimism Would You Show Her That There's a Light at the End of the Tunnel They Need to Hear Us Pray for Them and We Need to Also Acknowledge That It's Okay to Be Confused. I Think It's Okay to Say to Kids. I'm Sad You're Confused I'm Not Upset Your Confused.

I'm Sad Because Confusion Isn't a Pleasant Feeling to Have and Let Me Let Me Walk with You toward What Will Be New. Well in Understanding and What Is Understanding and I Think Even Our Children Will Have Those Questions May Not Express Them in Quite the Same Way.

But If God Is God Mommy Why Is This Happening Why Would People Die of Those Are Questions You Need to Be Ready to Give an Answer for Right and It's Okay If the Answer Is I Don't Know or I Can Explain It or I Can't Explain It and That's What You Want. I'm Part of Me. Jim Is Sad That Children Are Learning a Young Age, about These Kinds of Things and yet I Keep Coming Back to the Scripture That Absolutely Teaches Us That in Trying Times. Your Character Matures and Your Faith in the God of the Bible Can Deepen If in Fact We Turn to God, and We Do Acknowledge That There's Goodness Here, and in One of the Things I Think Is a Key in It so Fun Is It to See People Serving Because We Might Not Be Able to Control Much Right Now but We Still Can Be a Light in the Darkness and Life to Those Who Are Feeling – We Can Still Be Joy. We Can Still Be Optimistic We Can Still Serve in Unique Ways and That Helps Children Feel like They Are Participating in Something That Is Good. In Fact, I Think This Link Send to Something Mentioned in the Book about Ezekiel 3426.

What Is That Verse and Why Does It Speak to This Issue of Rejecting the Lies That God Will Send Showers of Blessing in Their Season. I'll Praise God He Will Send Showers of Blessings and We See Them Do. Could We See That the Snow You've Had Is a Blessing, Is Now Getting Fresh Air and Sunshine and Serving by by Shoveling and Making Snowmen and Dad Can Help Build a Snowman Minister Is That a Shower of Blessing Is the Fact That You Can Get More Sleep Because You Don't Have a Two Hour Commute and You're Not As Stressed Because of It. Could There Be a Blessing and That Even Though I Respect That Learning to Work from Home Has Been a Legitimate Challenge That's Good. Your Final Step and Were Right Here at the End but We Gotta Cover All Four and the Fourth One Is Do What You Can Know That Sounds Self-Evident, but You're Putting It in Some Context and Give Us Those Kind of Those Preambles to That, Wishing It so Won't Make It so the Complaining Never Change Anything except Good Attitudes into Bad Love Those Quips, but What You Mean by Do What You Can Weekend Were Not Hopeless Were Not Helpless We Can Work and What We Can Do. We Can Learn to Cook in a Season We Can Teach His Son How to Fix a Leaking Faucet.

We Can Choose Joy. We Really Can We Can Teach a Child a Piano Scale. We Can Help.

An Older Sibling. Learn to Change a Diaper That We Never Had Time and the Patient's to Help with so We Can Work on Some Things We Can Nurture Ourselves with Good Books with Good Food and Yes We Separate When Necessary.

We Go to the Closet with M&Ms Because Were Human and It Can Be Really Hard. Friends of Mine Bought New Patio Furniture. They Had Been Wanting Patio Furniture for A While. They Had Never Spent the Money and I Love That the Father Husband Said Hey, This Is the Season for the New Patio Furniture and Hints That the Square Footage of His House. By Doing That and Now There's a New Space in the New Place Where They Can Go As a Unit or One-On-One and and Get Away and Get Alone with God. Absolutely. I'm Proud That I Just Painted a Couple Rooms, Patio Expansion While That Sounds Pretty Good.

Hey Another Thing I Really Was Proud of Trent My Son. He Got Online and Then Jean Joined Them in Their Their Learning Sign Language Together Which You Other Spending an Hour Today Going through That Online and Then There Talking to Each Other Using Sign Language. Troy and I Are Completely in the Dark, but It's Kind of Fun to Watch Them Pick up a New Skill.

I Love That It's Okay. Did You Know Jim and John. It's Okay If People Don't Feel Terribly Productive Right Now. We Surely Don't Want to Shame People into Thinking I'm Wasting My Time.

You Know, Because There's All Different Ways That We Deal with the Depression That Might Be There.

The Fear That Might Be There. I Do Know That When We Get Our Eyes off of Ourselves and Do What We Can for Others, It Changes Us and Our Perspective and Then Going Forward Really Come Out Of This Feeling Better. I Don't Want to Look Back and Go. Oh My Goodness, I Regret All the Time I Wasted That Would Not Be a Good Thing That's so True, so True.

A Couple of Last Thoughts. One Is I Love the Idea of Thinking about and Doing a Blessing with Your Children Every Night.

What a Wonderful Thing to Do. Elaborate on That. I Would Love for the Last Words Our Children Here I Speak in the Words of God. If You Were There with an Audible Voice to Put Our Kids to Better the Walk by the Teenagers Room and Say Hey, Remember Your Chosen Your Adopted Your Pin in the Image of God. You Were Created Mail on Purpose with Purpose of Your Delight to My Soul. I Love That Your Learner to Know What the Scripture Says about Us and to Make Sure That They Know That and for Children to Hear Us Say It over Them Just Establishes That a Really Personal Level That I Think Is Rich and and What If We Woke Them up in the First Words Out Of Our Mouths Were Positive, Optimistic, Welcome to Another Day in Which You Get to Serve and Glorify the Lord of Income on It. It Can Change Things That Absolutely Can That It Is so Good and What a Great Way for Your Children to Have Modeled for Them to Keep Your Focus on What's Important during This Time, There's A Lot Of Fear Again.

I Mean There Are People Who Are Losing Loved Ones the People Dying and That's in the News Every Night.

I'm Sure Children of All Ages Are Aware of Something Bad Happening and What a Beautiful Way to Reinforce in Them That God Knows Who They Are.

God Loves Them and As You Said There Made in His Image and He Will Look after Them. That's a Great Way to Start Your Day in Your Day and Punctuated throughout the Day Right Absolutely, Absolutely. Kathy, Thank You so Much for Being with Us. This Is Been so Good and I Hope in Your World.

I Know You Doing A Lot Of Online Counseling. I'm Assuming That but I Hope the Lord Is Taking Care Of You. Are You Finding Anything Unique Right Now for Yourself. Thank You for Asking. We Celebrate Kids Are Created Online Courses Were Creating Study Guides for Books, We Are Looking at Our Product Line. The Way That We Do Minister Hope and Healing to People and We Are Being Created. Like A Lot Of Other People.

I'm Not Sure I've Ever Been Busier. Even Though All of My Speaking Events Are Canceled or I Have Never Been Homeless Lot of Extra Cooking Meals and Spending Time with Your Neighbors on Social Distancing, Physical Distancing, It's Been an Amazing Season Working to Try to Use It Well to the Glory of God That We Come Out Of This with New Ways to Serve and to Be a Blessing to People Not so Good and I'm Hearing You Clearly Extend Grace Get Connected like You've Never Been Connected before and Love Each Other the Way the Lord Intended That's I'm Taking Away from Our Discussion Today. Kathy Thank You so Much for Being with This.

It's Always so Good to Talk with You. Thank You Very Much and We Want to Encourage You to Get a Copy of Kathy's Book 5 to Thrive.

How to Determine If Your Core Needs Are Being Met and What to Do When They're Not. We Have That Available for You on Our Website and We Also Have, of Course, As We Mentioned Counseling Services. A Lot Of Great Parenting Activities Weave a Special COBIT 19 Website Rich with Activities for You to Do with Your Kids for You to Connect Better with Your Spouse, and If You're Struggling A Lot Of Hopeful Articles There. All of It Available Online and I Will Get the Link in the Episode Notes or Call 800 K and the Word Family and We Know That Times Are Difficult for Many of Our Audience Members Want to Get This Book to You.

Just Let Us Know If We Can Send It out to You If You're Able to Do Ministry Focus and Family with the Gift of Any Amount That Would Be Appreciated and You Can Make That Donation and Request the Book Online or When You Call 880 Family in This Reminder That We've Got to Further Details about Kathy and Her Unique History Space That Just Checked the On Behalf Of Jim Daly and the Entire Team.

Thanks for Joining Us Today for Focus On The Family I'm John Fuller Inviting You Back. As We Once Again Help You and Your Family Dr. in Christ