Dealing With Grief and Loss During Coronavirus

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So go to a I/O club.org and get started on your free trial of the adventures in Odyssey club today on Focus on the Family were going to explore some of the pain and the loss. So many families are experiencing during this pandemic. Our guest Dr. Norm Wright shared this observation.

We are all in the same boat. We are not all in the same storm with some people strictly. This is a great breeder at the restaurant pause time to reconnect with their families. Honestly kind of peaceful but for some others of the storm. It's a bit scary as disruptive. It's enough to make you stay up and watch the news and worry a bit. For some it's a hurricane carrying at boards pulling off Ruth was washing them out to see if not wrong to be enjoying a sprinkle orange during the storm. Please don't negate the difference rest with your family but don't minimize the hurricane and gulping your neighbor laughed when you can get on your needs or your friends always need a good reminder and perspective for us to consider welcome to Focus on the Family your hostess focus Pres. and Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John suffering and grief are things that we never want to deal with that.

We don't want to talk about it or think about it. To be honest and when we see others suffering or grieving. I think if were honest, we kind of are grateful or thankful that were not going through what they're going through. Even though were willing to pray for them, but quietly were thinking more. Thank you not going through that but just what in reality there's no exemptions in this life you were going to go through something that is going to cause you grief and difficulty, a sense of suffering at some point there's no get out of jail card in this life and I know is an orphan child I felt that they were lonely days and I can relate to that. I am grateful to the Lord that things have been straighter and in that way easier for me and for my own family, but a lot of families are going through difficult experiences right now with the coronavirus.

There is loss of job loss of income. The shuttering of businesses, all kinds of things. Maybe the loss of a loved one, and that is the reality.

Some families are going through tragic loss.

Like I said in today's program working to help you think about it and maybe deal with it in your own life or maybe for those around you. Yet we all know of or have read stories of heartache and loss in difficulty and it's really important for us Jim to be able to speak into this topic today is so true John and we've invited Dr. Norm Wright that back to the program. Listeners response so well to Dr. Wright that his tenderness, his experience as a grief counselor that he has helped many many people.

He was there at 911. He helped with hurricane Katrina victims and even some recent high-profile shootings, Dr. Norm Wright has been there, Norm. You were with us a little over six months ago talking about your book when it feels like the sky is falling, how to find hope in an uncertain world. I think were experiencing that today the sky has fallen and many of us are struggling with what's next. Let me in that kind of the environment. Welcome you back to Focus on the Family. Thank you. It's always a privilege to be here the book you mention what it feels like the sky is falling.

I felt the Lord leaving me to write that during the time of the Las Vegas and everything that happened there, and now I've discovered no luck just for that event is for what's going on right now.

That kind of proves the point. Doesn't norms that you wrote it for that circumstance in Las Vegas and here we are.

A few years later, back at another tragic moment the I guess the theme of that is life has these times where things happen that we can't control, and we've got to lean into God hopefully and not lean into our anxiety part of the problem. We like to feel as though were in control of our life. We can handle everything, and we been taught in the very dramatic way. Recently that it doesn't work like that we are more victimized than we realize. I had the two people give me their feedback in terms of what was going on and this is what they said. The world isn't as it was, it doesn't make sense and I feel stripped of all security is terrifying to think a disaster can strike again at any moment destroy my life, the lives of those I love and if somebody else wrote everything is different now. I really live life. Now I'm not just existing.

I appreciate the important thing. I can't say I'm happy to what happened. My life is now. Richard Fuller and you.

You're going to find all sort of different responses to what is occurring particular point, let me get that quickly. The different responses I mean were made in God's image.

We have personality traits. There's no predictive models you could take a personality profile and your you know the disc test comes to mind Myers-Briggs.

These things we have put equitable behavior because I think God created us that way. We have extroverts and introverts, etc. but explain if you can, Norm. This difference in responding to difficulty the one that the sky is falling, the other saying I feel closer to God than ever before, many times it goes back to the basic attitude that we have. I think of James chapter 1 counted all joy, my brother and when you encounter various trials, the trying of your faith produces endurance, or patience.

My wife and I lived on that particular verse for almost 23 years with our son who is profoundly disabled and just holding onto that verse made it big difference in our life because we connected with what the word of God had say. Sometimes though we get distracted and a lot of people that inspected right now because their livelihood has been taken away from them. They never expected this and there really struggling and we don't have answers right now and this is something that is difficult for us to deal with is where people to want to know this is what to do. This is how to do it. We go on from there is not working that way every day we hear the newscast.

Sometimes people are spending too much time listening to it because they don't have all the answers, either right, it becomes overwhelming. Norm, one of the things said and I I'm guilty of this. You know, generally speaking, Jean and I are two boys are with this trip was off to his first year college living in an apartment, but he's come back a month or so ago and generally it's been a positive experience for us. Thankfully, none of us are sick but were at home were playing lots of boardgames were having fun were laughing a lot. We tend to go to our own corners of the house for a while when we need a little space but the reality is, and this is where I want to go with that set up is there are things going on that you've heard about that you've experienced because in hospitals for example, people who are struggling, who are passing away not just from the coronavirus, but from other things that there's a separation from their loved ones at that moment of transition from this life to the next.

I think he had a story about a New York physician who held the cell phone for a patient to talk to their loved ones right yes they did, I would you handle what this person had to deal with a physician held his cell phone to the hospital bed of 100-year-old Jewish mother so her son could say goodbye part of the problem of what's going on. We don't have the opportunity to say goodbye and because of that there is no closure there. We feel like we've been cheated out of an opportunity and our hearts go out to the people that are in the hospital or in the restaurant at this particular time, but we need to perhaps see situations like this is basically a prayer God. We can pray for every situation we could pray as we watched the governors on the television and that gives us a better connection at this time generals of the change the zoom to those delayed burials virtual goodbyes blunder that she placed the hugs shared sorrow, holding hands part of the problem that happens in tissue is not to our emotions, our feelings are all over the map the reader out of control of their numb devotions and were not going to respond. Normally if you live in a family do not expect them to respond as they did a month ago three months ago, etc. you have to come up with how you're going to respond to them at this particular time because while the one thing people don't realize that they are in Greece, most families are in grief at this particular time, especially if he lost a job, and it is waiting day after day or when they're able to go back to work and some of them will not go back to work or they will go back and it will be half the salary that they used to have. I mean our life is been torn apart. When you write over the next few weeks were going to see you know how government works, how the redeployment of opening up the country will what a will look like in all 50 states probably doing it slightly differently.

The governors are going have quite a bit of control. I guess in that regard. You let me mention one story and I primarily because I want our listeners to think about the first responders and the pressure that thereunder I think was an Alabama nurse who, because of the separation with the family.

The family couldn't come in and be around the grandmother who was passing away and the nurse held the grandmother's hand and assured her of her future with Jesus and I just felt like when she came out of that hospital room where there loved one had passed away. She was able this nurse.

She was able to express to the family that she was with her at that point of death, that she didn't die alone. What comfort that would be for a family member to know that somebody who's very busy.

They have a lot of responsibility right now was kind enough to stop in to consider humanity there and to give that woman the holding of the hand as she took her last breath in me that takes my breath away. It tears me up that's happening without the phrase she didn't die alone is so important because it is difficult in the dying process anyway to feel isolated and do maybe even see your loved one standing out in the hall that you can't make can't come in to touch you or anything. This is going on every day I'm in the group of the first responders on the chaplain that a trauma center and some of the stories that that we end up dealing with their very very hard. They're very difficult and especially when you feel immobilize the things that we would like to say do and yet because of the difficulty of this disease. We can't do it.

One of the things that you can do with all the gadgetry we have nowadays of human Facebook and everything there can be more opportunity for connections and that's what we have to start looking at it may be in our prayer life. The Lord show me which one to reach out to show me what I can say that you don't know what to say when you see a loved one talk it over somebody else who is not just to clear the business.

Yes you normally when I think about it. It shows you the design of God in our hearts that we need connection. We need relationship is how are wired because were made in his image.

That's what he intended for us. He created us for relationship with him and that when these relationships are are broken when the tether is cut. It's interesting that it creates fear and anxiety, and other kind of odd behaviors in us, but in my looking at that in the right way that it disrupts us to the point there were not functioning in the way that we were created to function.

I couldn't say it any better than you did. Somebody gave me a leading called the storm and that I like to share it because it really have to what people are experiencing sure and would like this.

We are all in the same boat. We are not all in the same storm. Some people it's sprinkling. This is a break it's agreed there is a risk of pause time to reconnect with their families. Honestly kind of peaceful but for some others that the storm is a bit scary as disruptive. It's enough to make you stay up and watch the news and worry a bit with some if the hurricane is tearing at boards pulling off Ruth was washing them out to see is not wrong to be enjoying the sprinkle orange during the storm.

Please don't negate the difference rest with your family but don't minimize the hurricane and gulping your neighbor land when you can get on your knee or your friends well that's good.

That is really good that really says a dozen and it does beautifully, actually, and it gives you perspective, which is I believe what they're trying to achieve with that let me move to another topic, there's a certainly a spirit of fear that the cultures experiencing right now to those that are watching a lot of the news and the concerns that we have and maybe it's your family member you're managing it well but you know others in your family or extended family aren't what are some ways for us to deal with that fear either in ourselves are in our family members. Should we end. What can we do to help others with their fears.

Personal all realize that everybody is going to greet differently. The way in which you grieve yourself as part of who you are, your personality and when he learned everything somebody is different in that held you made reference to the book when it feels like guys all in the last chapter is all about. Here and encouraging everybody to read this book because it deals with what's going on now and it really is helpful with the fear that is there than the last chapters all on fear that I like people to have something as practical and so what I usually do that them for fear or worry is to take a 3 x 5 card and on one side of the card, write the word stop. Then, on the other side of the card printed over and light audit.

Philippians 469.

Don't worry about anything that is everything in prayer and supplication that the request be made known to God.

I card with when you start to worry when you start to allow the theater to overwhelm you go back and take the card out and he could not say stop and turn it over and reflectance for 69 I have been sharing that probably 40 years and there are thousands of card-carrying worriers, irritable people around the it is really really made a difference. Yeah, you by God's word to our life is feels like that is good self talk, which is important to remind yourself of the promises of God, etc., but you also encourage people to be direct with the Lord to speak to God about your concerns. Sometimes people norm can feel uncomfortable with that as if God is not big enough to take your pain or to take your emotions, but he wants that dialogue does any especially for those who are feeling angry at God, but the anger is a cry of protest against what's going on in our life. It is time and it is important just as they got. I am really upset with you. This should never have occurred. I don't understand help me deal with my lack of understanding. Be as specific as detailed as you possibly can and taking the burden off of our back and putting it upon the Lord because he really does understand the word of God is a textbook on greeting and is so important that we everyone at this listening to this program understand what grief is. I carried little book with me wherever I go and I give it out constantly and I wish everybody listen, read experiencing Greek and then this book when it feels like this guy is falling take in information because we live in a culture that is not to speak about lost it does not teach people about agree that they could so much more difficult.

People today don't realize that if they lost their job or the even can go back to school you're dealing with the major losses in life. My granddaughter and those who graduation to the what's going on and after the loss of her especially after losing both mom and dad and I was something to be different there, and so we have to come up with some other alternative and think about it, but we have to be honest, to say, here's what I'm struggling with. This is something here that this probably the worst possible experience that ever had in my life.

Where do I go with is what can I learn to it and I phrased what can I learn through this experience is so critical and once you've identified it.

Talk to another family member. What are you learning it is time to this experience. Think about it and don't pressure them to come up with the answer right away because of their nuclear they can do that after think it's true, that's all right. And involve other individuals. We need to stay connected with our support system and actually expanded build up a bigger when it is time and we talk about our I talked about the emotions don't stuff them because it won't work led out, write it out. Talk to somebody and tell somebody if you going to share all I really don't need to have anybody responded as I just want you to listen. That's all I ask.

Listen in the anxiety engage in the normal response that we can learn how to calm it down and we write it out. People struggle to sleep at this time. It's important to look at the Scriptures. One of the things that we do.

I have people sit on the side of the bed and this eight or 10 Scriptures on sleep and we have them read these out loud because I get to your brain and that in a cognitive visual way as well as to hearing it in an auditory way and then we have a prayer that we have people read on the other side and that there are so many people who been able to break the chain of non-sleeping simply by going to the word of God and the prayer and that we just get this out all the time. It really makes a difference when you can just really bring the spiritual dimension into your life without it. I am yeah definitely let me ask you this age-old question, but in this context, you know, it's the present. It's what it is. Some people have asked me and I wrote an op-ed about this, but you know where is God in this coronavirus is does God create this and allow it or you know where is God in this and why does he either allow or create the circumstances for people to suffer and why would that be the case, why would a good God do this. Let me give you the best shot is a trained counselor and a Christian, a person who believes in Jesus.

What's the answer to that.

I wish I knew the answer to that.

I know there is an answer. I don't know when I will find out what it is there's a lot of people that are saying this is what happened. This is why it happened, etc. etc. I don't know that but I can go to him and say I need clarification. Lord, I need understanding. Show me the Scriptures show me what I can look at and that I go back to Scriptures into different chapters in the book and I read them over and I admit I'm at a loss for words.

This might be what is occurring that I have to be cautious not adamant, not dogmatic and just to make our lives more dependent upon in and realize that the identity of clarification for some time because I think this is going to go on is not going to be over other month another three months or so of our lives have been changed drastically in norm. I so appreciate the fact that people who have deep roots in their relationship with God are usually the ones that don't have the answers and don't try to express that they do because I think the deeper you go with the Lord, you know the more you have to rely in faith, and the more complicated these things are, we don't understand all these things, but what we do know is what the Lord wants relationship with each one of us. He wants us to grow toward him in this life, so that when we get to him in the next life.

There's a depth of relationship, friendship bond we have with God that endures all things, especially those things that we've encountered here and you've expressed it so well you've lived it, you've had to do this not just tell people or express to people, good ways to do it you've had to do it and I deeply respect that norm. Thank you for being with us today. Thank you for the privilege that let me turn to you.

Now if you've been experiencing these moments of grief, panic, fear, whatever it might be that we are here for you, Focus on the Family, and I'm grateful that we are able to work from home are IT department man.

They were on it. They were already creating a plan in case there was a catastrophic loss on the campus so we were ready and were working from home.

The counselors the phone folks are there to take your call so do that take us up on that. If you're feeling a little off a little something's not right. Anxiety, fear, whatever it might be Collis. Let us talk to you and if necessary, we do have caring Christian counselors who can I call you back and talk with you and hopefully refer you to someone in your area or provide some resources for you to read and consider. So that's part of what we do get Focus on the Family we don't simply want to talk at you. We want to have dialogue with you and have a relationship with you so that you can grow in Christ and grow in this life in a way that honors him.

So take us up on that.

We have norms great book when it feels like the sky is falling, and that John will give the details on how to get that what it's right Jim, we do have that in stock were happy to send it out to those who would like a copy. I think Norm is right. It's going to be months and months of dealing with grief and loss. This is going to be applicable for the rest of this year into next year like this changed learn how to deal with it. Northbrook again is called when it feels like the sky is falling, how to find hope in an uncertain world, we have that is.

I said her number is 800 the letter a in the word family or check the episode notes for more. John, as we often do we want to get this resource into your hands.

Dr. Norm Wright is so deep and thoughtful in this book is so good and so right for this moment to send a gift a focus of any amount and will send you a copy of Norm's book to say thank you if you cannot afford to do that right now we get it we understand the circumstances, people ran get in touch with us. Give us your details and will get a copy of the book out to you, trusting that others will take care of that expense and at the core thing is we want to take care that grief that you're feeling that loss that you're feeling at that fear and anxiety and norms resource here will do a lot to move in that direction. So donate and did norms look when you call 800 K in the word family and you can also at that time, asked to speak with one of her Christian counselors will set up a time for that to happen. Loss of a link in the episode notes on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team here at Focus on the Family. Thanks for joining us today. I'm John Fuller inviting you back.

As we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ