Living Out Loud: Embracing Your Confidence

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We have some area of allies where we are not sure of our state and so I just LEARNED behavior. You can learn to be confident that we learn what we were told as a child of authority figures about failing at somebody is about that. So is learning.

But the thing is… J she joined today on Focus on the Family. Dr. Jim Daly, thanks for joining us I'm John Fuller, John something.

I tried the drilling to my boys as they were growing up was kind of a healthy identity in Christ. Right.

That's where it all starts in ways parents. That's the one thing you have to do with your kids as best as you can and they need to know that their worth isn't in their behavior and their activities, sports, whatever their identity as Christians is in Christ, and I'm convinced we adults need to hear that from time to time as well is so easy to drift and look for security and things outside of God. It might be the nice car the nice house title, whatever, but left on her own will always struggle with insecurity and lean into those things that are the more worldly applications rather than knowing who we are in Christ and today we have a great chat with someone who will help you really understand your confidence not in yourself but in your relationship with Christ and what the Lord can do with that kind of strong, healthy, confident yeah we we can have peace apart from all the external stuff that we think is going to satisfy Deborah Begay. I should get a background in the corporate world. She's a Bible teacher who speaks internationally.

She's a really popular guest here at focus and returns today for a conversation about a book that she wrote called 30 days to a stronger, more confident you secrets to hold in fearless living in you can click the link in the episode notes or call 800 K in the word family to get your copy. It's so good to have you back. Thank you so much as just the deadline.

I'm just on it at the opportunity to be here. You let me start here. You seem like a ball of energy. You are all like that hummingbird. Yes, the hummingbirds and buzz around I could see that this is fun to be with you where you think that came from Romans 828 in battle everything works together for my good.

I mean the stuff that just that I can never figure out some things happen even on this trip that I can't figure out what the good West. But unlike in the scheme of things when it's all said and done something good come out of that is a thriving attitude but not many people possess. I know that's why I'm on a mission to make sure the people do that I don't tolerate disappointment very long.

A sadness because I guys about it every day. A day for me was already written this book really is the basis for were talking about here in your great book 30 days to stronger, more confident you one of the things you say you have to do first is to diagnose your level of insecurity.

Yeah, I don't know John you feel insecure around Syria. I think back to being a teenager, which is, where really hit a high level. Everybody's insecure and yeah but it never really leaves. I don't think for a lot of us. So what's that check that you recommend people to say how insecure are you I say what it witnessed to stop insecurity is because it means to be.

Not sure okay that's what the word means.

Not sure so we have some area of allies where we are not sure about accuracy and so I just LEARNED behavior is learned behavior. You can learn to become what we learn through what we were told as a child up to authority figures about failing at somebody poking fun at us about that.

So is learning. But the thing is, he can be unlearned and that's what I like. It is really not about developing self-confidence as I'm adamantly opposed to that concept self-confidence. Think about that confidence means with trust self-confidence means with trust in yourself for trusting himself as a full well that's good. I would also say insecurity seems to be rooted in comparison. I mean, that's a problem in our culture is rife with comparison right drive where we live. What job we have more friends are bombarded with commercials every commercial or not, I consciously ask them out to look for that piece to save you inadequate. You need something commercial says if you need this new car. What you need. This time you need whatever so that you can now be acceptable or even sick.

So we we do that so many people by by self-esteem, CPA by training and I oftentimes help people with their budgets and I see people buying things so that other people esteem so they can be stain because I had that item in people esteem that perhaps they listing me your fingers right now, that's material is let let's get the Scripture in her David who we all adore for different reasons but King David his brother was an example that you used in the book that talked about in the yeah Davis brother got tell Sam to anoint a king.

The first thing Samuel did when he saw that Tom Hansen Eliane said that's the line looks keenly and I says no, no, no that's not it, because later on when it was time to fight Goliath data came down to the battlefield and we all know the story, but doing down here and was running from the giant. Here's what I like about this story name that God is my father's name means, but he was running from the giant. How many of us do that. We say God is our father, but we are afraid we have this giant insecurity that makes us act like God is not father that is good. We act like God is not half. Just think about it we really embrace the truth that God is omniscient he saw what he knows everything is always present in these how powerful and we have that spirit in us.

You shot differently. Jim you show up differently. You show with confidence because it's not in yourself.

You know that you have a spirit in you that knows everything. I do not know everything, but you got everything you need to know when you need to know yeah and and envy is one of the three symptoms that you state secured the other two where the two people pleasing and workaholism and down and just talk about that. Maybe just a little bit because people act sometimes confuse that with jealousy, but jealousy is rooted in fear, jealousy, size, I'm afraid that you gonna take what happened. That's a form of insecurity as well but says I want what you have because I don't have it. I feel ill will to achieve. So that's rooted in discontentment. We don't have to be insecure about what God has given us as a speaker. We talk we sometimes compare it a lot more popular than I am. They have huge followings and I have to take this as quickly as the other day I said I just don't have anybody on I'm on my father's in a famous preacher or I don't have Assam nobodies daughter is like people you know you guys okay okay but we have to learn how to be content what got the Trekkies put us on and that you show up differently as well.

When you know that because now you can be secured like it is. I deign my path.

How can you know it's a little scary about MB is it's in Galatians 519. It's the fruit of the other guy works in a flash is one of his boots is that that's horrible Leslie. We have to be a conscious effort.

So when I talk about assessing a level of insecurity. Ask yourself, envy, and why. Why do I can be that person. But the question about what the other two are people pleasing, insecure people like to please people because they're so afraid of being rejected in any native that's a big deal. We don't want to be rejected. We don't want to be isolated, born to be in community with people. Yet Denver that one can be difficult because I think we can confuse that with the fruit of the spirit. The right fruit you know where we want to be kind and considerate and people pleasing. How do you distinguish where that line should be and where it's unhealthy versus you know, spiritually good way you look at you underlying motive why do I want to pay for lunch for you all the time but right and so that's the motive it's coming from the wrong why am I doing this always analyzing myself and questioning my motives. The psalmist says God desires truth in the inward parts, think to yourself, just understand what's motivating you, you know really is.

That's in Psalm 51 God desires us to be truthful to ourselves as I ask myself that things in my life to ingratiate myself to people. I will admit that I wasn't just networking. I was really trying to get on their good side because they had graded so there was a motivation that was motivation but I forgot to remind myself that favor comes from God, not from outmaneuvering my ability to network effectively is a huge statement that I think Christians as well as non-Christians get that one on model. That's why you see that's I'm adamant about people walking out the Scriptures and making it a practical part of your life because there been times I can get favor with people in is like oh you're relying on them. You're so insecure and believing God that you think that person can have influence on your career and I can't everybody's father. I may not be everybody's like God is everybody's father so I don't have to know that somebody knows that person knows that person got everybody spot when again when you have that attitude you're walking in peace.

Now that's a good word because peace is the opposite. Insecurity, anxiety producing to be insecure.

Just know when you just you just show up with that with the mindset that says I'm more than a couple always winnings you need to say that because faith comes by hearing, I need to say that that I'm always winning when you when you look at today's culture. How much of that is in play right now. When you look, the church kind of bending to cultural appetites in almost every area. I am totally alarmed by the fact that now would seem to be more political than biblical. Think about pricing things that are not all not always biblical because we have an online with a political party or whatever and I'm concerned about that. I'm praying about it. I'm not voicing out a lot about it but I know that prayer works.

And so we got have to look at how we influence by the culture because we I think one of the greatest problems in the church is that the world has gotten the church. The church is more worldly. We have them make the world more church like we become a world that's the point.

Workaholism had a lot of people that idea that we derive our value or worth of how long we work in a given day when I have Assam.

The first one who would have to raise your hand. Every job I've ever been on, and I I work for myself now.

My call was the last one in the parking lot and was I just asked myself, especially when I worked at a church and everybody that I did a great job and when somebody tells you do a great job you wanted to write a job slinky getting those accolades. So knowing you have to know when your performance oriented. Again it goes back to asking yourself why what's motivating me, and I think I like the fact that everybody says she's a really hard worker and she has her stuff together as I keep saying what makes you feel good that you feel good rather than just doing as unto the Lord, you working as unto the Lord, you want to be excellent. This is what God requires no I wanted to be excellent because everybody spoke of the fact that sex is like that's let's keep that going. That's not good. It messes with your health. You know really that it'll mess with your relationship, find put some got myself okay on Fridays. You can't work like that's date night was when I was going down. You have to be thought about 5 o'clock I like that your you're saying this is all rooted in insecurity and the people pleasing or workaholism. These are to get accolades from others and feel better about yourself. I feel better about yourself. And we do all kinds of things feel better about us as we have to be honest about you when you ask yourself why my doing this you have to be honest about what your intention is Deborah I'm wondering is there a balance between God in my part in what he's doing absolutely.

I love to tell everybody we are in a supernatural relationship with God. Super natural I do what I'm supposed to do in the natural. He puts the super on it. Yes I do what I'm supposed to do I got I go to school. I can I get credentials. I work hard, but I don't let my face rest there.

I have if is because there will come a time when your credentials and all that will not be sufficient for the task. You can ask Daniel about that who had the ability to interpret dreams. He was skilled and anointed to do that but there came a time when he had to interpret a dream that the king can even remember what the dream was skilled in telling people what you dream he was scared if you told them what it was and I can take and I learned from that I learned from what I read that story often because there will be many times will be a gap between that what's required and what you have available. That's where God comes in and put his supernatural impression upon his supernatural influence. So yes we are in a supernatural partnership with God wanted to expect a roadblock to confidence as you you mention perfectionism is one of those roadblocks. I think I can relate to the definition of perfection as well. Perfectionism is that thing that that says it's got to be exactly right because it is written is really rooted in the fear of being criticized, so if I can be perfect in a battle criticize me then I will have to be reminded that I have some vulnerability, some inadequacies so we should we strive at that. That's what is rooted in the fear that fear of being criticized is very real and you know what, it just makes everybody crazy and distant thing is relate to us. When I got vulnerabilities more than they do our perfections and so it's really makes you more relatable when you can say pretty good at that. That's I willingly confess the people I doubt I have to still battle fear. It shows up.

I don't like flying. I'm just you don't sit by me. You might be embarrassed when when we get to. You probably won't know I'm a Christian and I was on a random stranger woman just grabbed my hand and hold your hand. I'm afraid to fall. That gives you something to comfort you and that guy because I did that with that was black.

He was white and was way, way back when I just grabbed Santos assert The Need to Hold Your Hand on That You Got. It Was Fun Gentlemanly That Way. Deborah, I Do Want to Come Back to Something You Mentioned There This Idea, Perfectionism, and Then Earlier We Talked about Doing Everything under the Lord with Excellence. So What's That, You Know, for the Person That Struggles to Discern Words That My Perfectionism and Where Is My Excellence for the Lord.

Motive Judaism Is Is Based on You Seeing Me in the Best Light Excellence Is about Making Sure the Project Is Done Well Is Really Is about Understanding That Because You Have To Listen. I Ran a Department Once and I Didn't Want Anybody Messing up Because I Was the First Woman to Be in That Department. They Had That Kind of Thing and One Guy Just Kept Messing up My Child Make Me Look Bad When I Was the Doll There Ready to Glorify God Know Would like Don't Make Me Look Bad. That's Not a Good Mode Is Not so Again That Perfectionism You Have To Understand Why What's Driving That I'm Trying to Make Sure I Am Presented in the Best Light That I Don't Get Criticized Because Is Excellent but for the Wrong Reason. But When I Just Pursue Doing Something Well I Want to Do This, As unto the Lord, Because God Desires the Best There.

It Is the Difference How You Attitude toward You Explain Why Christians Today Can Find Confidence in the Promises That God Made to Ancient Israel.

I Love This Question Because so Many Friends of Mine That Relate to the New Testament Struggle Relating to the Old Testament. So How Do Those Ancient Stories Actually Play into This Idea of Confidence to My Goodness, That Will First Buy the Entire Bible Is Relevant to Everyday Living.

And I Love the Stories Because They Show Us How to Apply Them.

I like It When David Showed up to Fight Goliath and He Was so Portion Only Inadequate and He's in Class Is to Take Your Hat off and He Says Oh Number to Take.

You Have To See You Coming to Me but I'm Coming in the Name of the Lord That Gives You Confidence.

He Understood He Got It He Got It He Knew That God Was Bigger Than the Goliath Because God Is Not Limited by Those Kinds of Things in the Old Testament Stories Help Us to Realize God Is Not Limited to Stats and Facts and All of That. So Even When You Read about Abraham and the Bible Says He Didn't Stagger at the Promises of God. He Considered His Own Body. Did You Know He Didn't Consider Those Facts Realities Focus on That. My Confidence Is Going to Be That the Godless Promised He Is Able to Perform That Which He Said That Staff Read More Old Testament Stories, I Just Go Back and Read That I'm Just Reading That the Other That He Considered Not the Deafness of His Will.

Michael Yes Because I'm Doing a Study on Facts and Reality and How We Just Get so Stuck in Our Education and We Don't Think We Don't Expect Things above That Don't Go outside of That Round My Experience and Especially Women.

We Want to Apply for a Job Unless We Have All the Qualifications They Say a Man with a Plaque He Has Have To, There Is a Relevant You, You Know, Bringing It into a Practical Example You Had a Challenging Financing Project. I Think for a Church. How Did How Did God Show up.

Had You Rely on God. It's a Modern-Day Example of an Old Testament Story Probably Well. I Several Ways. He Showed up Doing That Project We Had a Very Complicated Financing When They Use What They Call Swap Agreements. I Wasn't Really Familiar with That Aspect of Financing but I Remember Sitting around the Table with a Bunch of Bankers Who Were Trying to Negotiate This $33 Million Loan and I Think It Got You Got Show a Big Job, but You Know What They Asked Me Questions and I'm I Didn't Think I Knew the Answer, Not Just a God Help Me, Just Tell Me and He Gave Me a Question That Implied I Knew the Answer. Just like the Answer Was Way up Here They Set All You Ahead of Us.

I Certainly Want to Say No. I Am so Far behind Are You about to Run into the Back of Me. I Love You Abby Got His He's Done That Consistently throughout My Mind When I Was in Corporate America Just Showed up with Responses and Answers That I Didn't Know I Had. And Then I Remembered the Scriptures Say That He Would Not Only Bring Things to Your Remembrance. See, There Were Times I Was Name Was Never, It Was Never in My Memory on My What about Those Times When I Read It Says He Will Teach You and Bring Things into Your Remembrance, so God Will Teach You on the Spot. You Just Get to That Place We Expected to Do That and Do Not Expect with Anxiety.

You Show up with Confidence Knowing Whatever It Is He's Going to Bring Me through This so Good. Let Me Press Ahead with Criticism.

That's One of Things That Are Examples of Good Habits of Confident People That You're Able to Receive Criticism of Whether It's at Home or in the Workplace, What You Described Earlier, You Use an Example from the Bible about Apollo's and How He Managed Criticism Tell Us about That Story, We Know That He Was a Jewish Teacher and It Was a Color and Priscilla That Took Him Home and Taught Him a More Excellent Way Because He Had Really Been Filled with the Spirit We Had Knowledge of the Scriptures.

It Was Very Powerful and That and They Said That He Took Him Aside Not Keep in Mind These Were Tentmakers Blue-Collar Workers Who Took This Man Aside and Said There's a More Excellent Way and He Listened. I'm Impressed with His Email Humility and He Goes on to Say That He Was a Great Blessing to Them. You See We We Can Always Learn from Somebody.

Everybody Bring Something to the Table and so That's How You Can Increase Other People's Companies. I like to Try to Find the Golden People in and Say You Bring Something to the Table. I Know When People Sometimes Feel Intimidated by Me. I Don't like That's I Cannot Carry Myself in Ways That People Think Oh I'm Not Good Enough to Be with Her Because Trust Me, You Really Are and and Everybody Bring Something to the Type I Might Be Able to Say Well You Manage People and You've Worked in the Corporate Environment, Sometimes Giving Feedback Isn't Well Received. I Think You Have an Example Were You Were Editing. I Think Your Company's Annual Report of Something Went Wrong.

We Sing the Great Size of the Habits of a Confident Person That Cannot Only Receive Criticism, and They Can Get That Kind of Feedback and A Lot Of People Just Aren't Comfortable Because They Know How They Will Fail. Somebody Would Give Them Some Feedback so They Don't Get Any As Well and so I Guess I Did.

I Did Have an Example, I Hired a Guy and I Know This Is When I Was Going and Report and It Was My First Year on the Job and I Edited It Because I Am a Writer so I Was Making It More since Think That Making a Grammatically Correct Always Started a Fira I'm Telling Everybody Was Upset. How Dare You Change My Thinking What You Wanted to Be Good Now Usually Inspires People to Be Correct and so You Know and I'm Thinking I Would Respond That Way Love Input and Put the Time I Evaluated Tell Me How This with What Can I Do Better.

I Do That, but How Did You Go Back and Correct the Situation.

Did You Have a Chance to Say Okay I'm Sorry Absolutely Yes I I'm Sorry This Is Because They Never Had Anybody to Do That and I Seen Some Previous Years Reports It Was One Nonprofit and Well Done Nothing in My First Year on the Job.

This Got to Be Good yet and I Had Just Gotten My First Year on the Job Know This Is What Excellence Looks like Were Trying to Take the Nation to Another Level. But It Wasn't Well Received and so I Said Okay I Guess Next Time I Should've Sat with That Person before. I Just Changed It and Published It Well. You Stated in the Book for Principles That You Derive from Those Experiences Listen, Look, Learn and Leave Yeah Okay so like These When I'm Not Totally Brain That's I Know Was How to Receive First by You Listen, You Don't Interrupt You Know When Someone Is Giving You Feedback.

You Know Say This Is Because I Was Doing This I Justify Just Listen. I Find Letters That Spell Sign a Spell, Listen, so Be Quiet, Stop Talking and the Good Luck for the Truth of Truth and What That Person Is You Learn from It. Be Open, Seek First to Understand. Don't Just Be Defensive, but Learn from It and Then Leave the Unwanted Part Leave It. You Don't Have To Embrace It. Just Because Somebody Still Because Sometimes but They Can Be As Wrong As Two Left Shoes and so That's the Untruthful That You Have To Say.

Now You're off on That One Just Sad to Say Thank You for That Input Because You Know What That Does That Positions You As a Person Is Open to Input and People Would Be More Likely to Give It to You. Once You Proven That You Can't Take That Kind but Nobody's Got a Tell You I Totally Agree with the Management Philosophy That I've Tried to Follow… See the Grains of Truth Don't Pay Too Much Attention. It's Emotional like Being like Being Criticize and but I Do and I Don't like Hearing the Really Bad Parts Was Good for Me, Specially Yellow Sport.

You Also Use an Acronym Piece.

What This Piece the Acronym Stand for What We Know That Peace Is the Opposite of Anxious and Being Insecure so Pete the PS to Prioritize Every Aspect of Your Life According to God's Word. What's Important to God Is a Sign about a Peace That Comes Just like I'm Doing the Right Thing and Then the ES Will Expect More from God, Stop Expecting Things from People Expect More from God That Works and I Want People to Remember That since I'm 62 My Soul Weighed Only about God, My Expectation Is from Him. I'm Only Expecting God. Six Basic Expectations from God and Is Acknowledge God in Your Decisions.

Don't Just Make a Decision in Your Own Head Acknowledged That He Will Direct Your Path. If You Do That and Then Cease to Cultivate Cultivate an Attitude of Contentment Is Heart Is without Surround with Things As They Don't Be Content and Then Is to Eliminate Unrighteous Behavior. Unrighteous Behavior and That's a Daily Battle. This Is Not Something We Just Do One Time It Is Outdone, It's a Daily Battle and You Know What Because the Bible Says Righteousness and Peace Have Kissed Each Other. Great Is Good.

They Have Come Together.

There's an Intimate Connection between Doing the Right Thing and Experiencing the Peace of God, and Not Being Insecure. Deborah, This Is Been so Good and the Time Has Flown by. Thank You for Being Here and I Want to Remind You Our Listener. The Focus On The Family Is Here for You. Our Main Goal Is to Help You Develop Your Relationship with Jesus Christ.

That's Job One. We Love Talking about Marriage and Parenting and We Believe That's Right from the Lord's Heart to Promote the Institution of the Family. If You Don't Know Who Jesus Is. I Want to Get in Touch with Us. We Have a Great Booklet Online Called Coming Home and It'll Describe What It Looks like to Trust in Christ and of Course We Recommend You Get a Copy of Deborah's Great Book 30 Days to a Stronger, More Confident You Partner with Us in Ministry by Making a Pledge about One Time Gift and Will Send You Deborah's Book As Our Way of Saying Thank You Will Donate Today.

As You Can Call 800 K Word Family and As You Mentioned, We Also Have That Coming Home Free Download. Just Click the Link in the Show's Coming up Next Time Jeff and Sarah Walton Sure How They Learned to Trust God through Heartbreaking Family Troubles and That Was Something That I Wrestle with Often and I Think It Was Easier Kind of a Tug and Pull on One End, I Was Able to Get out the House Catch My Breath and Try and Transition Compartmentalizing Work and Then Come Back and Then It's Entering into Chaos and How to Enter Back and How Do We Get Back in the Same Missing Track Jim Daly and the Entire Team Here.

Thanks for Joining Us Today for Focus On The Family I'm John Fuller Inviting You Back.

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