Nurturing Your Child's Personality (Part 2 of 2)

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Your child see the distant and effective experience because of temperament is not the same as in town and we need rapid enough long they still are good railings and satellite that's author and speaker heading Ritz describing the interplay of different personalities in your family and how you can benefit from your more from heavy day on Focus on the Family. Thanks for joining us your hostess focus Pres. and Dr. E and on John Fuller, Jon, I want to start with Scripture that's relevant for discussion today.

First Corinthians 12 says this now.

There are a variety of gifts, but the same Spirit, and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord. And there are a variety of activities, but it's the same God who empowers them all in everyone.

That's really the essence of what we heard last time from Hattie this idea. The each one of us have different God-given personalities and perspectives and sometimes those differences will clash, but it's ultimately for our good and for the good of God's kingdom.

Hattie's done a wonderful job of applying these different personalities to trees so we can better understand the unique characteristics of people and why they behave the way they do that we cover all of that last time and if you missed it, get the CD or download from us here at Focus on the Family or get the focus broadcast app so you can listen that way in a foundational element of the conversation is the book I had. He called growing kids with character is a wonderful resource for your family and you can learn more when you stop by the episode notes and now here's part two of her conversation with Hedy Prince on today's episode of Focus on the Family we do welcome you back last time we talked about these characteristics and it's brilliant what you've done in the context of trees and it really helps a parent better understand who they are and who their children are wired to be, and probably did not get I pulled out of the program last time. Is this idea that we have conflict with our children and much of it is going to be rooted in this communication style issue, the parent being built a certain way by God.

And then the child to be maybe sometimes opposite of that. And so you have conflict when conflict doesn't need to exist really just need understand each other a bit better and for the apparently adult in the room to really work that understanding so that they could help shape their children and help develop the character is a good summary, absolutely because of found that my creation has a panties set if I know this is my child and these are my child's needs. How many of those needs.

She dined dozing when she got shape and is the one that is not to say give me your tree type and then I will do everything in a way that makes you happy and fine line between shaping them to be able to work in the world with 90 people are not like them and didn't accommodate their needs but also to make sure that in my house. They know they are loved and welcomed and I teach in a way to work that I discipled a heart and I help them on their faith that God has for them all to not honor God in different ways. We just made about this gift and has activities that can be different as each child but they all have a seat to be God honoring people to bring him go. Sure, it's important to know right from the outset. Whatever your lumber is pardon the pun. I love you… I mean, that's the brilliance of it that God is present and it's all about being rooted in his character and developing his character so that you can be a formidable tool in his hands while we walked this earth. That's what you're getting. So let's get to it last time we talked about the Palm tree which I resonate with this kind of fun loving person who wants to go to the party and and interact with people you lot energy usually shows up in children as you described yesterday is that energetic, talkative child, which I will cause and you know that that child just as a real insatiable desire to know things in there just bugging you sometime on the go and we let it put them in the box and we went to get them into the routine and it's not really working and actually based in basement.

It's been into something their high thinking, should I follow the right model in of pointers that good frame schedule models and by keeping in mind the purpose because this design is so that they can influence people said that they can draw people into the kingdom so that they can communicate ideas… And as long as we nature not fitting our most important job I could see these being the evangelists getting a gauge of culture go to the party.

They don't care and I'll talk to people about the Lord and that's a wonderful way to look at it then you talk about the rosebush, your self-proclaimed rosebush but that's what what's the rosebush and feisty forward-looking fast when he stuff to get done in the words of the events shot to the point. Yes, I mean this is the child who tells you you're not being fair. This is what you did yesterday. Here are your mistakes, you really should be more. This will be more that the name that often right but it hurts the prophetic sure would you say Paul was a rose bush. I think I would see him as rosebush strikes you to very determined to be brave and we got closing essays.

I'm going to show him how much he must suffer for the gospel.

If you tell rosebush gate on the night you do this, but it can be very tough. Nobody's ever gotten this right they go bring it on one please then make often the reason MSB. Hattie's life is too easy, while interesting.

I like how you pulled the Scripture to give an illustration of that go back to the palm tree because I don't remember for that Peter.

Okay Peter was disciplined. He ran off his mouth. He spent as much as all the other to get the name of Jesus as a credit.

That's the hope that he needed to be spoken to three times Jesus asking three times do you have me because he didn't want this off the bat said he wanted Peter to engage with his heart, Jesus did such a beautiful way. He took him to the beach when the boundaries want to be animating some fish on the fire and he related to same in any state.

Are you really with me and he got in the speech recalling defeat the sheep to take care of the land because they are about the people beautiful calling and then on the day of Pentecost.

He brings thousands of people into the kingdom with wanting the right speech and inspired speech because this is what they able to do well. It's so beautiful about what you're describing is that our heavenly father through the Lord Jesus knows how to communicate to us. Each of us because Peter is very different from Paul Polly Singer to suffer from and always, like okay bring it on.

When I was assigned a staffing Peter denied Jesus he needed to be coached and innovative fascinating and shows that I think the accuracy of this and how we view ourselves and in our Lord was moved to the boxwood. We ended there we gave brief descriptions.

Last time, but most of us won't even know what a boxwood is so sorry for our ignorant island online as prescribed box with one of the original name that we used to call them by in the past is that lollipop trees decided that you these 50 shaped countries that can also be sent into a triangle or square or any shape you like that. Hope you both as the elephant and Disneyland can also be these these pages around the princes Gardens and incredibly teachable the same way these traps are multiple and this is the child essays just tell me the way it needs to be done by Wayne and how many times and I want to do it right said that had a natural tendency to feel boundaries and to see them and to meet them selling the books tell you children need boundaries and they left boundaries. They just keep in mind, it's probably a boxwood. He wrote the book is this family that this applies to all kids and because the boxes are kind of squaring and many other things needed let logical sites like describe the engineer that attribute this child does everything right by the book and the parent thinks what's hard about this like everybody else just could use really well behaved and because I just did everything right.

As the book said, and then my child sleeps through the night and feet when it needs to billing church and reaches little book on that unit on the long journey off to the beach and at that are easy to painting that way escape they are emotionally high maintenance right so described that for the parent who is a parent of a boxwood child of you have, the descriptions are private, you know, this is my easiest child. This is the one I mean you tell them what to do in here she does that those would be the kind of descriptors you will be using as a parent complained that there is this whiny voice that comes with the compliance phases, but I just want to do this first but there's a little spot on my pants. I can play the but this is not exactly what the teacher said you know that is something of a sensitivity day and a discomfort of things I'll be exactly right so they can be finicky and that goes from all the way from how they eat and what they will.

Where and how they need to send this child will be so complied and the next minute you make the biggest mistake you Things sandwiching squares and achievement. Triangles really perfectionistic is uncertain if the answer is not that how you parent to soften that had it in. Is it appropriate to say okay I recognize my child is a boxwood a perfectionist often easier to build exactly what I want them to do and I love that as a parent makes my day easier. But how do you parent them to be less perfectionistic to be comfortable with imperfection. It's very holiday for the way God did this and Moses. Moses complained to God about the people all the time. Any reason Moses was the box very much I miss seeing, complaining and stressing and struggling with the burden of leading the people and God help seem out of this, but it takes time and he doesn't go into the promised land he gets to stand in the promise that the first time when Jesus transfigured on the mountain this something of a boxwood is really needing time to get up nicely. They can choose grace and of the law, because that essentially is what you can teach themselves in hard on others around that IR collection and they need Christ to help them understand what it is to be acceptable, even when you're flawed. The phrase Goodenough is gonna be the one really skin of the tank that's critical. I know you know when my children the really stressed about getting strategies and I could see the anxiety and I wanted to make sure we want to hold a high standard. It's wonderful that you're doing that, but you'll be okay if the relaxation the thought really that is that okay I said, we always wonder your best, obviously, but I don't want you being anxious and stressing to the point where it's hurting you emotionally or spiritually in it that it is made a difference I can see that relaxation occur in a good way in a healthy way and it doesn't mean you not want mediocre, but he is still doing well and getting good enough grades point to reach for perfection.

That's valuable because you're separating what he does from who he is and that is what we we can help them do by embracing their deep emotionality, and we build relationship with them. If we cannot deal with the mouth and we cannot deal with the crime he cannot deal with that whining and not in a sense that we we gave pain when I use it to manipulate.

But in the sense that we not had a tough day really down about be able to buy sentencing today felt like there were staff the year so disciplining this child. How does that go look like it. It's very easy you basically remind them of the rule and they remember that they were wrong and you tell them what they can do next time I even asked himself, you know you did wrong. What did you like to do next time and that if they can verbalize it. You almost didn't go very little punishment is needed to themselves for stuff on the oxygen hose child is I think this child is very sensitive to all the children types. How do we do that is apparent what we need to be mindful of by punishing them after they've already shown remorse. It's not necessary that our guilt and shame magnets as shaming is a very very harmful thing with them easily humiliated.

They remember those words then remember what you malingering lately. Sometimes jokingly, but with a lot of empathy say that I file all of the negative words on the hard drive alphabetically with the date and I can pull those things at any time and in the good words, the kind that is on the things I stand as highly suspicious and I put them on a thumb drive interesting thank you trawlers believe that that's makes my heart heavy, for it is hard and and that is like Satan's and deity reassurance the way God tells us that… And he's reassurance throughout his word is the way we. The stouthearted derivations that they are good and we love them just because they are ours got the palm tree the rosebush the boxwood now and then we need to move into the pine tree I love the imagery of big, bold, rooted yes can be isolated, alone are bit, but people oriented far you think the process will credit you as a facility description is when you step into a fine forest. You feel like you need to settle down and have a little picnic there is only do this to us in this child will slow you down. Whether you want to be slowed down or not.

What is it look like an example and forgetting that it's Monday and not getting dressed for school and you do. How is this possible that you could have gotten distracted on your way to the company that they can just be a little dreamy and are not in a hurry because to them.

It's not about getting stuff done. It's about being it's the Jenny it's the people around them. It's the patient's in the atmosphere so they help us realize that it is about people and not about stuff when we try and negotiate with Inman between boards on the table. You know deal a little bit. They are immune to that because Sarah second if you tell them but I'll buy you a new phone if you'll just study harder and bring him back okay. My phone is fine. I'm quite okay with the phone in the opposite direction with discipline if you say listen to what you do any gaming market know what you do certain things go okay and notice that with it really difficult to come upon yes that they do feel that the pains when you take away their relaxation and their comfort zone from them. So when you discipline by taking away the tongue with frames the time in front of their screens. They computer games. I do, I do feel it how to discipline the pine tree, the one that's moving through world at their own pace and they for the 20th time they haven't been able to get dressed for school on time and your ranting and raving. What is your problem Johnny, how come you cannot get ready for school because I go tell you that 730 to go get ready and it's 8 o'clock and you're still not ready and mommy can't keep doing this for you. I think there was, get the feeling that mommy be more effective, rather than coming back and saying get dressed fight that battle need to understand the discipline only works in punishment and we will only work on an area where a child willfully makes a certain decision not to do what you asked these kids then decide not to do it.

They just doesn't trust in mind. So we need to get them strategies so you as a child of the alarm clock is right out of the chart and and is installed with big red bow around that particular item. You never know she never takes a school set it's about strategies and working with them you mission hybrids and so again. One of things. If you're hearing you say everybody is one thing or the other know there's all these combinations, it's infinite how much you percentage your work in is a pine tree is is a box truly is a rosebush you're gonna flow through all these, I would think you have some preset things in your default mode but speak to the hybrids upon Rose's box palms pom-poms sometimes stay completely opposite trees come together like a rose lease feisty and fast and the dealer and you have the pain whose thinker and is an introverted type of kid and and and more people oriented and we need these to come together.

You have what we call the CEO profile because you have a person wants to get stuff done, but at the same time doesn't want anybody. Hecht said this child will be talkative maybe not very popular, but it really good leader because I both know we really should be going and who should be going with us on that and it's usually a boy we don't often see that that the unemotional combination get together in a girl that's fascinating that could be risky saying that in modern culture. Boys and girls can be everything but you're saying just generally see that attribute boys more than girls.

What is it and girls make them pry the relational side is probably the more emotional sides wirelessly. A lot of the girls you have the combination of the boxwood.

These perfectionistic and systematic and then the outgoing palm tree in the notice to come together. You have a baby at teen sleep emotional kid who can ride the roller coaster depends on which side of the bay think it this morning and that he can behind fine man who wants peace and harmony in this child is either high or very low right that's heavy bricks discussing her book, growing kids with character nurturing your child's potential purpose and passion that is our guest today on Focus on the Family.

We hope that you like what you're hearing now if you do contact us to get a copy of her book, growing kids with character number is 800 K in the word family 800-232-6459 four. Check the episode notes to learn your nose. The conclusion of her conversation with Teddy Britts on Focus on the Family bounce off something John just mentioned 60% of adults and children identify the more than one temperament, but you also say 7 to 10% of adults and children identify with three types that I can, that's right, Matt. I feel like I can be any of those three. You will probably want to call a contra pine which means you have a contra contra pine because you have everything except pine and give boxwood rose and bumped the building to one so you can make important decisions you can make sure the people are on board by motivating them contra box actually I don't think tells Nana. No, not just some of the pine in there that's my family so important. He finds out about my important people.

You probably can't do much of this is circumstantial. In other words, how often do the circumstances dictate what part of my personality comes out.

I don't believe that circumstances dictate that but I do believe it reveals what is in that night. Design depends on who you are with. If there is already a rosebush in the house and you may not show your rosebush side at home. Maybe your parents really discipline you to be more boxwood at home and it doesn't come out at school because you don't need to show that there probably intensify a certain response, but it's already there again. I love it.

If you missed it at the top of the program.

We talked about Peter and Paul how the Lord that with them out of their own personality I that is one of the great takeaways I've heard is just even in Scripture.

You can see how the Lord dealt with personalities around him and effectively communicated and challenge them in a way that spoke to their heart and that's what were getting out when it comes to parents and children how to identify what their basic combinations are and then speak to the heart and that what and it's great to see how the Lord did the one who is the pine tree character in Scripture. Abraham is definitely one size Jesus mother. Manny know that Mary didn't speak a lot. She kept things in our heart and thought about them and melt them over and she was never do. She was this facilitator.

I could see that the confidence she had that things were unfolding just as God designed them. You can feel that in her character that we hear that when she hears God's call on our lot. She says let it be with me as God wills done on your servant, and that's that willingness we see so beautifully pine and a premise that fine-tuning we see the relationship has this close friendship with God.

God shares the Secret Service with Abraham because of that gentle heart and that goes missing in relationship heavy it were, down to the end here is wonderful today program. So thank you from here with us. The question, when I ask you. Here's focusing on our primary mission is parents really is to help grow our children into that growing relationship with Jesus Christ because he's good to do that work in them.

Our work will be imperfect and sometimes counterproductive to what the Holy Spirit is aiming to do when we get that because we don't have a clear view all the time and this is part of being human.

But how can we Shepherd and guide those four types and their relationship with God in an effective way just run through those four types leaning now rosebush is why to lead we need to make sure that they are subjected to God's authority and I practice on us, so we should not apologize for being the payment because we want them to submit to God one day as they lead and also to have empathy to listen to others and that is where our energy will go. Otherwise, we will have dictators in state of godly leaders exactly what the problem the boundaries going to take people with them without going so we need to make sure that our leading to place worth going moderately is where we again it be doing our work and not always through preaching a lot through prayer and then from experience and we often can you stand by and see how they go off like the prodigal son sometimes hit their head against the wall come back always easing the night and here's because they don't always think ahead, but we can do a lot of prayer and have beautiful hearts and beautiful ability to inspire either that'll get in the right as you said stay in relationship with all your kids types. Obviously that one particular set so boxwood the box it child is a child. He's going to be the one to make sure we all sound the straight and narrow and uncomfortable for a saving on again because I will point out that our hypocrisy for us and share and that we can teach them God's grace we can teach them that God decided that the season of the law will be over one day and that grace will rule and when I can embrace that, together with a love of justice. They may make beautiful difference in the world is fantastic, and finally the pine tree how to move them toward God and the closer way we do that is apparent we do that to focus on the ship because they got away relationship is important and that will be allergic to religion.

They will be allergic to false it so we will walk with him. In reality and in authenticity and they will be the ones who facilitate peace and harmony in the body of Christ. What a great conversation we've had with heavy Brits past couple of episodes talking about her book, growing kids with character nurturing your child's potential purpose and passion. John, this is been so insightful and instructive for parents and it highlights what were trying to do everyday here Focus on the Family equipped moms and dads with the tools you need to do a better job with your children to raise healthy families that love the Lord. That's the goal. I believe that his book is a great resource for you and I can't recommend it enough.

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Our number is 800 232-645-9800 K and the word family or donate online and get your copy of growing kids with character. We got the link in the episode notes. Let me also recommend our seven traits of effective parenting assessment which can help you identify some strengths in your role as mom or dad and also in areas you can grow more effective as a parent with only covered at seven traits of effective parenting from the website of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family on John Fuller back as we once again help you and your family thrive