Finding True Joy in Blessing Others

This is how the world is good to know that you belong to me how you love each other.

I just love that person. The Bible that's John 1335. I love that God says how you love each other is what shows to the world that you belong to me. It's not necessarily how much you love God how much you read your Bible and that's all part of absolutely what shows the world that we belonged you. How we love each other.

That's Becky Kaminski and she is with us today on Focus on the Family were so glad you joined us your hostess focus president Dr. Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller, John. I love hearing stories about how God uses people to bless others. I try to look for that opportunity. I don't think I do it as often as I should. Blessing can be simple and sweet like paying for the person behind you in the drive through.

I have done that then use that is pretty fun that is for on people's faces like lot or can be in a life-changing event like adopting a child out of foster care and that is a big commitment and people do it and God bless them for doing it here Focus on the Family we want to help your relationship with the Lord be vibrant and thriving to provide you with the tools you need to get the most out of your Christian life and that's a good goal and it's wonderful to receive blessings. But when you bless others you are aligning with what Jesus identified as the greatest commandment in the New Testament book of Matthew chapter 22 verses 37 through 39 it says this you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind goes on to say this is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it you shall love your neighbor as yourself. The first one you like.

We all can do pretty quickly, Lord.

I love you cycle and I don't love my neighbor and sure enough that yeah so today we want to remind you that true blessings and joy come from considering others. More important than yourself and offer some really practical suggestions on how you can show love to your neighbor and as I mentioned, Becky Kaminski is with us again. She's a mom to Clara and Noel and coaches, Christian writers, speakers, pod casters and other creators. She's an author in her latest book is titled love because how to change the world one blessing at a time. Becky, welcome back. I think you for having me at some fun to be here at what great topic though you picked a great topic to write and it's very close to my heart that I lighted this clinic capture you. Well I'll tell you it started with a conversation I had with a dear friend of mine, her name is Aaron and she lost her husband and her daughter tragically to as shooting to happen in our community and it was there was a nationwide media buzz around it.

What people don't see is the aftermath of how people continue to live on.

And so, several months after the incident. I was at Aaron's house helping her to clean out some closets and we were having a conversation about her husband, John, and she was telling me how the last year of their marriage they didn't know it was going to be the last year of their marriage but they had been very intentional about blessing one another about finding ways to show love in action to each other and in doing so their relationship grew because they were thinking less of self and more of the other and she used this term. She said it was like we couldn't wait to out bless each other and that just struck me in my seat. I sat there, we were eating lunch, and I looked at her and I sent out, bless, that is an amazing concept and from there, God would not let it go. II kept formulating this thought what would the world look like what would my family look like if I intentionally went out of myself to bless them.

Even when I didn't feel like it.

Even when I thought maybe they don't deserve it but what would it look like in man if they were to reciprocate. What would that do to change a family and beyond that will that do to change community and so that's where the idea for this book was born and I was so blessed to get to spend months examining through Scripture and through stories from other people. The real power that we hold in sharing God's love with other people through simple blessings which are just love in action inside of yourself and your mentor. Cindy has set a great example for you and how did she tried to be a blessing to her son-in-law think that's a story right yes LII love Cindy.

She has taught me well for many many years and her children are now married and she has been children and she's been able to speak into my life and so many beautiful ways in just one of her many nuggets of wisdom was to be a blessing. And that is that is the call: a Montara model that she uses in her relationship with her son-in-law and now her daughters-in-law to be a blessing which means support them, support, and specifically her son-in-law support his role as head of his new household and to not be the reason that there is discord in their marriage. While entries go here that's good right and what's so funny is I'm thinking, how many mothers-in-law actually have that sort of focus in mind, but I believe that is why Cindy has made it so intentional because it doesn't come naturally right doesn't come naturally to want to be a blessing to the other people in your life to not want to choose not to step in. Perhaps when you want to in order to enable someone else's relationship to solidify. So I really appreciate that will that's one of those great examples were the world will joke about the MRI humming mother-in-law right and so you almost step into that relationship with the predisposition toward antagonism rather than a cabinetmakers positive in that sense is critical. Why can't it be that way. I already pray in advance for my daughter's someday husbands for the parents who are raising those someday husbands and I already pray Lord let me be a blessing in those relationships that we don't know. My oldest daughter and I was 14 I not yet filed a Sunday when the day, there to bring somebody home. This could end up being a part of our family permanently and I want to be a blessing to that person and that was tongue-in-cheek friend of mine's wife not yet is good.

You know I said the open blessings can be small and seemingly insignificant.

I would think that accumulation is really important you describe a time when your your husband's travel mug of this one because I did this this morning.

We know we try to pre-set the coffee. So when we get up we just hit a button.

It's always nice when that happens, and Jean did that last night and so I was able to get up and she had my cup sitting there Buttercup wasn't there because her cup was in the clean dishwasher so I okay him to get her cup out since you got my cup out and set her up for her little coffee treat after she gets up I got up first. But that's kind of what you're talking about. What did you do for your husband.

Well I'll tell you what I walked into the house. It was just in school drop off.

I work from home had a ton of deadlines at my desk. Normally my plan is to just blaze through the kitchen go to my office, get some work done but I turned and I looked at the sink and chats favorite travel mug list sitting. Normally I would think it's his thing. I don't even drink the coffee in the household so I'll let him wash it, let him take care of all of the various coffee mugs that he collected his clearinghouse. I know Ray and I thought wait a second I'm standing right here at the sink. I am looking at this mug, what would it hurt to wash it for him but more importantly, what would it say if I did wash it for him it's it's not an idea of well I guess it wouldn't hurts if I did this for him.

But what what effect would happen if I did it was simply a coffee mug and I decided to take three minutes out of my day is not a grand gesture three minutes standing at the sink I scrubbed that mug because you should've seen the coffee that's a great example because what is that say it's not a coffee mug at that moment, it is saying this is someone who God gave to me.

I love dearly and if all it takes to show him to remind him that I was thinking about him. I was thinking about what matters to him is to watch a little, why wouldn't I do it yet. Becky all answer the question because here's the thing.

I think it comes down to temperament and I'm not going to stereotype where this is a wife thing your husband thinks I know in today's modern culture. Hopefully world trip in and in doing different things and getting that done, but I think a highly rules oriented person can talk themselves out of it because you know what kind of training it might be the husband might be the kids.

But you know I'm trying a number to pick up after their messes. So for me to wash his cup I would be enabling his bad behavior saying no logical reason for this is what we do in our minds. Well, I need to teach them that they need to pick up after themselves or my daughter was at Bible and in my mind she needs to figure out how to clean room touch that room. But what would it say to her.

She came back from camp and I had put the brandy sheets on her bed. I had made things tidy. What is that say to her exactly in isn't and I love you just as or perhaps more important than a moment of training and how we live according to the rules and regulations. Love trumps everything. And I think I think you would agree that it's all about the balance of doing that. You can also be a person that derives a lot of self benefit from doing those acts arises. It's making you feel good. I'm good that I'm so good that the martyr mom says while I just clean the entire house you will that's wonderful.

But if you're in that spot. You probably are getting credit for that. I'll tell you what happens when we do these small acts of kindness of love.

These small gestures they actually help us stop thinking about the things that annoy us. I could look at my husbands shoes sitting in the hallway all the more often I will tell you is my shoe sitting in the Lexus uses that as an example and in and I don't want to trip over those shoes and I can run also to thoughts in my head that said she was out again in my thinking about me my being so annoying instead how about a fight shoes and put them away for him and that I no longer have anything to complain about and I just on him blessing. How countercultural is that the whole are just going to insert guys that have the shoes down. Think of your laundry why we leave it 4 feet from the laundry bin.

I am a terrible friend. I ballplayer are you there and assume somebody put in there while my husband is more likely the person to do our lotteries appreciate that about him.

Please add me in the high but what do I do I complain that he shrunk some come on, really because he was being kind. He was going out of his way to think about.

So how we receive another person's blessing is also a big part of giving love generously, and it's okay if you have written about it would should have known that you wash his travel mug back to is that all right is all right because why why are we doing it. It's for the other person.

It's to show love and build that relationship yes, but ultimately it is an act of obedience to the Lord because the Lord is given us our relationships. The Lord tells us Jesus said this is how the world is good to know that you belong to me. It's how you love each other. I just love that person. The Bible that's John 1335.

I love that God says how you love each other is what shows to the world that you belong to me.

It's not necessarily how much you love God how much you read your Bible and that's all part of it absolutely, but what shows the world that we belong to Jesus how we love each other. Becky Leah blessing toolbox. I like the imagery of the just wondering what's in the box. What are some principles I guess those would be principles we need to keep in mind as we set out to bless those around us. What's in the toolbox love think about you build something you need tools right so trying to build these relationships. I don't find they have a look at their toolbox and I wish I knew how to use go back to the hammer in the saw. I identified eight core principles that we need to have toolbox in order to really bless people well in the first on the top one is to remain in that fine, you gotta remain close to God because we can't pour out what hasn't first been poured into us.

So when we remain close to the Lord. We've got his love in our hearts and we and we are remembering what he wants from us so much more natural for that to pour out and then start with your Jerusalem. There is a story in the book of acts where Jesus is is just given the great commission to his disciples, and he's telling them now go out and be my witnesses in Jerusalem and Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth. Start with your Jerusalem and at your home, it's your home. The whole idea of wanting to go out and bless all the world and work for Jesus and in touch. Strangers life is beautiful, but if you're doing that at the expense of your central family that's not how God designed it before you move through the other tools. Let me ask you right there and weave experiences. To be fair jeans got a tremendous heart.

I can remember a couple years ago. She does have a lot of friends that were having surgery or something was going wrong. I think when we come in. She provided five meals for others and that meant cooking, starting about three and then driving it over and getting home about 630 or seven because she caught the mom on the porch and I started talking and I'm going well.

I guess it's hot hot dog yeah that and not that I can cook dinner. I don't want to do the depression gene normally cooks dinner or breakfast on the weekend but but speak to that conflict. Again, it's back to balance. It is that you can have a lot of things go down with your friends all at once and then hold on to your families, not first its true – and I think husbands to I think. Sorry for not that I believe this is what I think with husband to put our own selfishness down right and realize that her wife is blessing somebody we need to support her and I think it goes both ways.

Husbands, wives, we've got to have open communication about the needs that are happening on any particular day any particular week and cannot call this checking in with each other. So in the morning or the night before. We have going tomorrow… And so we just need to make sure first about communicating well my friend has this need and so I really want to be able to meet with her.

Can can we work with it.

Sometimes it means I may not be home until such work are you okay with that suggest open communication I think and help. But then just just keeping a priority. Straighten identifying when all of the serving elsewhere even it's not necessarily friends in need, but maybe the ministry that you doing at church the volunteer work that we're doing for local community agencies. At what point is the family sacrificing you and all of your doing good things for other people, which means at that point is a time to scale it back and recognize, it's time to focus on family first because I like that word nice for adult so moving through that Jerusalem take care your family. Make sure your blessing them as well.

What will first.

No blessing is too small right so again we you don't need to go on some tropical vacation. You don't need diamond earrings. It's the little things that really add up.

And that's what defines a relationship long term and be a cheerleader.

Words are so important. Words are so important, so encouragement goes a long way how are using our words. How were using our tone of voice and then play the right tapes and I mentioned earlier I sit and stew over my loved ones, annoying habits, those annoying habits are going to be a lot more prevalent in my life, but instead can I stop and think about all the things that I love about that person.

All the things that he or she does well so what are we allowing to stew in our minds and forgive quickly, just forgive quickly, that is such an important principle for Christians in general and because forgiveness leads to compassion.

My pastor says keep short accounts of how he says to keep short accounts and then show the real you know I I almost posted something on Instagram recently that was just my family in in a difficult moment, but because why we don't need to see people's flashy fancy perfect lives. True ministry is filled with honesty in which people can relate to how you are also struggling with something. There was one Christmas when I was looking at everybody else's beautiful family photos in front of the Christmas tree and everybody was smiling and so I posted my post Christmas gift opening shrapnel and said yes this is my life on Christmas.

Can anybody relate so many people came in and said yeah as is my house to just being real and genuine. I think really helps to bless people to help them feel like they are not alone and then finally in this one.

I will stand on because I did it wrongly for a long time, is to take care of yourself first. I don't mean first, as in, you are more important, but self-care is what enables us to poor into other people you layout the 4P's of blessing. One of those army were into the practical nature of what you're talking.

So I think of these as for categories of ways that we can bless people blessed with your presence be available to people even if you're not physically present phone calls and zoom calls, sending a gift that's blessing with your presence messing with your possessions doesn't necessarily mean writing a check. I mean this kindly but sometimes writing a check is the easy way out.

Are you willing to give of yourself to give your your time and your goods to really serve another person and does it's as simple as my friend Alyssa gave a cup of coffee to homeless man had a wonderful conversation with him and discovered he was listening to worship music and she felt so cut to the quick from that note sheet she thought she was serving him, but in the end he served her with a wonderful lesson so I presence, our possessions are perspective. Are we looking at other people the way God looks at them or are we judging based on appearances so hard is very hard and so you can bless people simply by having the right perspective of them as being someone that God created someone. God loves and then prayer is such a huge way to bless people even when you feel like there's nothing else you can do prayer should always be first anyway. It is the one blessing that directly invokes the action of God.

It's good in that possession category. You have a situation where you were blessed and that sometimes a little uncomfortable, but it was a big thing radiator is not happy, perhaps with their little less. This is where they were just starting to take the lessons and they were becoming skilled enough.

They needed a really good instrument and they were still working on my 20-year-old weighted keyboard that I got for college graduation gift was not ideal for them to learn acoustic piano and so I was talking about backstage on the worship team at my church, and the bass player happened to overhear me and he sent an email later in the week and said I heard you looking for piano. I happen to have mine. My kids are right here. I thought you said we are moving we don't have a need for the piano. Would you like to have well and it was such a tremendous blessing and now my girls have been playing on the piano for years and it spoke to a direct need of mine and was given in such a selfless way and he was so humble about it other people it offered to sell us their pianos and that would've been wonderful to he just said you know what, I recognize the meter I don't need God blessed me with it. He blessed us with this excellent new house and we don't have space for the piano. What you have what we have one of the future.

Mentioning his perspective. It's funny how can I bless another person with my perspective. I turned over bless people with my pursuer straightened out here what you mean by blessing with your perspective primarily what I mean. There is seeing people as someone that God created has as much value and is worthy of as much respect as you are is the people in your circles are and if that person looks different if that person speaks different.

If that person has differing opinions that person is still worthy of respect and dignity.

Because like you said earlier were all created in the image of God. And it's funny because my senior pastor was one who really pointed this out to me told me a story of how he went to the grocery store and he said he's a really straight talking Italian guy a lot.

Our pastor and he was in a hurry and there was a gal in front of him in the checkout line just taken her time being chatty with everybody and she's been very friendly and he sees thinking, now we got places to go in and as he said she was all tatted up and she's got earrings everywhere and nodding her ears and so he formed a judgment and she turned around she saw him and he said there was a look on her face and she said pastor. How fun to see you.

I just loved your sermon on Sunday and he said he was absolutely compassed and realized this is what were talking about. We've got to see people the way God sees them not the way we want to see them with our fast judgments because otherwise as he said were out of play can't be witnesses in this world of prejudging people and assumptions or deadly media is full of assumption is that the killer to the human spirit center community for sure.

Let me ask you to become a touch on this, but that person that perhaps is a small circle of friends or maybe not many at all and you know they feel like I don't have that I don't have the blessing of blessing others reminds me of a conversation I had with the Christian waiter one time it was fun to talk about the fruit of the spirit of love, joy, peace, goodness, all the patient's and he actually said well I just know I just don't have patience.

A member just like that. I said this out while I can't believe what I don't think it's like a menu you order if you're Christian and you're in him the least thing should be present in you, and if it's not there. That is something to work on Monday. As you know what God didn't give me that I don't feel like eating the broccoli today so I it's so true, and patience is one of the fruit that I like to say doesn't grow too hot on my tree but still there and we have access to it because believers have fruit of the spirit. I think the same thing of kindness. Kindness is fruit of the spirit so Christians have access to at least the rest of the world doesn't there's a difference between being nice and being kind kind come straight from God and that so else. I think that is the purpose of even having you here today Becky. At first I was like in this skylight we all know how to bless people but this is been so informative and so good and challenging.

Honestly actually really stink at blessing. Is it just me, but it is true it's true or not, as well.

We can only speak for so so you know, I don't think I'm as intentional as I should be at times in the course are always going good busy little hundred reasons why you miss blessing somebody like that, about thinking the best of your spouse. Why not think the best of Lord, let me see where I can bless another person and wake up with that prayer on your lips right that would be awesome. Well, you've done a wonderful job expressing so wonderful to see you again your book. Love, because how to change the world one blessing at a time and you've just given us so many great little insights. Make sure your family feels blessed. Make sure your friends are blessed. Make sure your thinking of the variety of ways to do that and we've only really scratch the surface and let me say a way to bless each other if you can join us in the ministry here Focus on the Family send a gift of any amount and will send you Becky's book as our way of saying thank you and blessing you write back and it's a wonderful way to bless one another in touch make a donation. As you can and request Becky's book and you can do that by going online will of all the details there for you in the episode notes will join us again tomorrow will hear a classic presentation from Corrie 10 boom to save 800 Jewish refugees from the Nazis during World War II. She will share how she was able to extend forgiveness to the man who betrayed her to the Gestapo and show me that Jim Daly in the team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller fighting back once again help you and your family thrive. Everything about Mario can actually authority and learn reaching teen girls right where they're at with encouragement well in their faith story magazine about people that bonded thing way were, but I have really inspiring and at what thing help your team invite God into her everyday experience with premium.

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