Getting a Handle on Your Family Finances (Part 2 of 2)

Our last Focus on the Family financial expert Dave Ramsey shared this bit of wisdom over money in a family represents the bowel system under which that family operates Jesus in this way, he said where your treasure is, your heart will be also.

So what you do with money screams loudly who you are welcome. Passion and conviction there and on today's Focus on the Family you'll hear some practical biblical advice from Dave Ramsey this is going to apply to your situation.

Whether you're single or married with children or without, I'm John Fuller and your host is focused.

President Jim Daly John last time Dave spoke about two different money personalities.

The free spirits and herds. I think you know which one you want to be but you often have one of each in a marriage, and he explained how you can avoid conflict with some simple budgeting ideas and that we know your focus. We get a lot of people writing in about the conflict in marriage around finances.

In today's message she's going to turn a corner and talk to single folks about some of the financial landmines that they particularly struggle with them like my mom who is a single mother of five kids was working two or three jobs just to get by, but also had a hard time saying no to guess who got her little Jimmy is a bit spoiled.

Will those are hard circumstances, especially around the holidays and they will have some encouragement he's asking to share some intriguing ideas about teaching your children how to handle money a little bit later on.

If you're not familiar Dave Ramsey is a best-selling author is a radio host very popular and he's been a very good friend to this ministry he's been here a number of times and it's a privilege to present the second half of this segment. It comes from his nine week video series.

Financial peace University and so from that series. Here's Dave Ramsey on today's Focus on the Family when it comes to singles and money, time, poverty and fatigue can lead to more money management.

Beware when you're single impulse buying due to stress, or the I owe it to myself syndrome sometimes known as a pity party. I deserve a break today. I'm pitiful. I'm going to spend money you don't have an and I just feel better just to go spend some money. I feel better for spend some money, and all these kinds of things be very very very very very careful that 55% of the single moms in the US are qualified as poor in America today 55% of them according to the Department of commerce know we we work with a lot of single moms across the country and I'll never forget sitting in a small group session after we taught in the financial peace University with a single mom and she said I was doing the stuff so good. I had my budget down. It was Thursday night.

Everything was balanced, working two jobs to get this done.

I'm so tired, but we were getting now starting to feel like I had this one had control for the first time in my life. I really had a sense of hope and she said I got up I got up on Friday morning, got the kids all dressed to come to the daycare load them in the car going down the road. Cloudburst big time thunderstorm. By the time I bring my tires so she gets out of the cellar of the kids are in the car people driving by.///Water changes the tire so she's late getting them to the daycare then she's late and went to getting into work comes in. Worker Boster's route she's late for work and suggest a work over because she's like to make up the time be able to keep the job and course if you're like the daycare they charge you $62 a minute if you come in like the daycare so she comes in like the daycare the change change change change picks up the kids. She is had the worst day of her life right. She gets McCarthy driving home she just completely worn out. She said that I have nothing left in my emotional gas tank and she said the kids are in the back going and she said before I knew it I went through and uphold $20 out of the anytime teller that one in there because my budget was balanced.

I had already spent the money and pay the bills. We went over to McDonald's and got a couple happy meals and went home because I just didn't have the energy to cook about five checks happy meals cost me hundred and $57 so you don't deserve that kind of a break today got a car, take a deep breath.

When the kids do not go shut up peanut butter breath. We're going home and go slap some peanut butter on the bread and do it another day. I know it's tough on those budget. We looked at them for years. It's hard to tell you you don't deserve the conflict. You have to be very careful that it's moments like that make or break you when you have to be strong as folks are single and have never been married or don't have kids, you got a careful lot singles by quickly young single talk about what they call loneliness spending they would rather eat at a restaurant, even of not eating with a by Lisa's people around and sit in an apartment by myself again. I just can't do it will be around human and they go out in the Eagle are the decaying is going out even if it only got to go out again just to be hanging out with some people just to have the touch and the interaction every time they do that they spend money to be careful with that.

A written plan gives a single person.

Empowerment self accountability and control.

If you're in here and you're single or you're helping somebody to single circle right there.

Put stars all the way around it is worth you attending tonight. If you're single. It's that simple written plan gives a single person. Empowerment self accountability and control how you prevent mistakes and how you put in place the right kind of decision when you're single, well you develop an accountability relationship, someone to discuss your purchases with someone to discuss your budget with no use for an accountability partner you don't use your shopping but three does not were talking about an accountability partner is someone who's willing to hurt your feelings, your own good. No stupid. You don't need a new car. It's a flat tire by hubcap.

Now your accountability partner could be your dad your mom to be somebody that you work with to be an uncle. He could be your grandmother. They could be your pastor can be a friend of whoever it is this to be a semi that has old-fashioned values when it comes to money and they're going to look at you in love and say you're being stupid. Don't do that even the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Okay, we gotta have somebody to knock this stuff off up to build a ghetto interface when it's time, and that those of us that are married we know we got home we got immediate accountability that goes with the territory, saying when you're single that somehow your incomplete that's not my point. My point is though that that two heads are better than one.

And if you reach outside find that special someone in your life that will get in your face on financial issues or any other issues virtually choose it will cause you to grow and cause you to be able to win. Accountability is an absolute necessity when it comes to kids and money teaching your kids how to handle money is not the school's responsibility.

They should be doing it. By and large they're not doing it and you gotta remember ultimately it is your responsibility is your responsibility to make sure your kids are taught. This stuff is not taught in school.

We have a high school curriculum called financial peace for the next generation. It's got a couple of thousand school and if it's not in your high school, that is your job to teach your kids about money and don't while they get to high school anyway. It's part of being a parent to teach them these things.

It's hard being a parent teach them to drive to teach and workloads that fit their body gets to know that this is this is part of being a parent is we have these responsibilities and we can't let someone else out there take that job from us. We will be disappointed in the results Proverbs 22 six. As you probably heard this unguarded train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it appear that say yes is an interesting thing I've never heard anybody quote that Scripture with the one immediately following it is interesting. Proverbs 22 six train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old will not depart from it. 22 seven the rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender. Maybe we ought to teach our kids about money. Maybe we ought to teach our kids about debt that when you sign up for credit card it doesn't make you an adult it makes you a slave there's an idea that will teach our kids about work. Things like in the Bible it says the diligent prosper, but he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished. Get-rich-quick doesn't work. Working your tail on and off does work. That's what that says teach those lessons to our kids around our house. We pay commissions not allowances never have allowances of the Ramsey household. I don't believe in allowance allowance to me sounds like welfare. It sounds like I'm to make allowance for you because you're somehow deficits are not able to do anything of value. So I'm to make allowance for you commission says that if you work you get paid if you don't work you don't get paid. That's what commission says and that works every time and I remember one time were driving along our kids were a lot smaller than mine was about 13 years old and was going on to you so tough on our friends don't work the way you work as you make is working because knew all these things you make this make us save money and you have all these rules then kids don't have that why you some toughness about this money savvy just because you're afraid you can be embarrassed. I went what part of medicine more than anything. The reason so tough on you is this. We've done a great job with money so we got a lot of it. So when we die here and be very wealthy and if you don't have the personal character that the muscle and the bones of character to carry the weight of that wealth it will ruin your life. It will take away your desire to win. It will take away why God put you on the planet and you become one of those trust fund babies stinky thing. I don't want any of those I want children that are arrows that we turn loose that are straight in their clean and they fly true and they hit the mark.

That's what were trying to grow and that happens with lots and lots of forming and reforming and reforming next the character to carry that wealth you see words are powerful careful what word you're using with your kids when you speaking into their lives were you speaking at them to be very careful about that. Seek if you work you get paid if you don't work you don't get pay around our house.

We use the stuff that we now have in a thing called financial peace Junior we used to put on the on the refrigerator door. We would put a commission worksheet that looked a lot like this will magnets on the back and stick it to the door we write on here. The chores that you had to do. We put a dollar amount beside each of the chores. I was a bit complicated thing when they were pretty small. You know there six, seven, eight years old.

It was five chores and it was a dollar apiece for each chore. So you do all the chores you get by, but you don't do all Georgia give four bucks about whatever and so we check off. If you gentlemen you got paid. If you did them and if you didn't do the chore you didn't get the money set simple.

You have to be so hard on me will do it age-appropriate. Willow Creek was boot camp for money is not the point. Okay, but we do want these kids to learn the stuff at four, five, six, eight, 10 years old, because I meet 58-year-olds are still it made an emotional connection between money and work.

It's how money is created.

It's created with work and so we use the basic commission thing will day. We think that around our house shot adjuster chores just because you're part of the family. I said five the rest of our to do just because I'm larger than you and I can hurt you because you're part of the family. When I get up from the dinner table and take my plate to the sink and scrape it off and put in the dishwasher. I didn't do that because I get paid I did that because I love my wife and it's one way I can serve her that evening after she's been a hot kitchen all day. Okay that's a deal and the same thing for my kids. I love their mom and other data need to do stuff for as being part of the family that's part but if you only do that you don't ever teach them that work creates money as I can tell you when they earn money and they have money that's in their hand that they are they treated different and they make different decisions at that point and you get to teach him other teachable lessons, so do some things that are just because you're part of the family, but do some things we make that connection create teachable moments in the process as well teach by example as well that you understand that they're going to do what you do if you're stressed out in the way you medicate stresses. It is you praise and there to pray when they're stressed out what you medicate stresses you will bind address the roundabout address when they're stressed out there watching you lace and mail the stuff you know the old thing. I would rather see a sermon in a day than here.

One, and kids. That's how they live their whole lives when our children were little, our oldest and she was a little bitty kid in preschool. The little teacher took this as appraisal teacher took each of these little kids and put their little feet and paint and put the little footprint on a little cardboard thing and it looks like this. This is my oldest, Denise and I rode across the top. I'm following in your footsteps.

Now if you put that on your office desk for a couple years it'll change how you act and react about just about everything won't because there watching their going to do what you do so you could teach.

You can have all the speeches and all these other things you can take all the Dave Ramsey stuff and all his stuff, but ultimately your runaround borrow money every time you turn around your kids are doing runaround borrow money until the turn. That's what's going happen. You are their family of origin and your don't bless them or curse them with that process now as your teaching them to be age-appropriate in the process, you'll show them how that works shall not be debt-free before you're all done grasp that. So you're talking to teenagers a little bit older talked about how insurance works talked about what a Roth IRA is what a 401(k) is talked about taxes and voting in these kinds of things you know because you were raising that vote like you do right so that workers so if the children are very young when you start out just use a clear plastic container like this and as you pay them while the money up so it takes up more room and stuff down and there's not a lot of money and there is a bunch of one's just wadded up and stuffed in their neat little pile you nerds.

It really would look like a lot of money.

This is a free spirit savings account right here. But here's what happens when you're four years old and you clean up the room. Did you really clean up the room now not really around our house 24 years old and clean through you picked up three or four toys. Mom and dad did the rest. And you got all the boys and girls. You are a superstar leader. Hopefully looking to get better spirit and when their teenager look like a nuclear.you know right so you do that you train them right in the pay on right thing.

That was hard work. Clean up the room. I'm really proud of you that was good dollar to be a lot of money and you crumple it up and put in here and ever so often don't have a big system.

That's the whole system when her tiny okay every so often you get them all out. Always dollars out you smooth them out and you go down the toys are them armor one time we went down to torture them. We were there to buy celebration Barbie and whenever money so we got sorted, had a party Barbie I got cellulosic character growing experience rather than not by what we went after because we didn't have the money because I'm looking at those little eyes looking up at me celebration was a character growing experience for me. I remember the kid don't even remember because I had to go to some it is just another few dollars north of Sweden is cute how this works. I don't do that every time know sometimes let us step up and totally buy celebration Barbie, but other times we like this is how the steelworks money is finite is only so much of it you need to get that in your spirit as you go along. Don't get everything you want.

Why deserve it. You don't deserve it, unless you have some money. That's when you deserve it.

That's how you want to transfer this is having big cute eyes that give you the right to deserve everything we got people all over our culture trying just on work right so we use three envelopes at our house. We use the spending envelope the saving envelope in the giving envelope. We paid the little guys and so giving, spending, saving know what we would do is take that five dollars is 51 dollar bills and we will break them up into these three envelopes and so say okay were gonna put into giving them put a dollar in the giving envelope with two dollars in the spending envelope and two dollars in the saving envelope and then we get ready to go do some giving a church where we do, you go get your giving envelope on Sunday and you take your money that you earned and you give your money. That's different than all were getting out the car, walking to the church parking lot.

I'm going to give you the money for the children surgically. That child didn't do anything. They were just a courier for your money. Don't receive any kind of lesson from that they don't receive any kind of blessing from the when they clean up their toys and they fed the dog and they did the dishwasher and then some of that money is given their low character starts to change. And you know there more natural givers and you and I'll it's not hard to teach them to give most of them okay and you teach them to save money in the set some goals in teaching to spend money and you do celebration Barbie or short, had a party Barbie or whatever you need to you by whoever you can afford.

That's what you do and you save up that money and do that so work the three like that until I get a little bit older. Now when they get a little bit older 13 to 15 years old, but we did at that age, 15, 16 years old for some of them if they've been trained on this other stuff, all the way up and they got these ideas of work giving, saving, spending, and how money works in those four categories then you can put them on a checking account. We did that with our kids. We said okay here's what we normally would spend on you in our neighborhood on clothing on entertainment on car gas for your car that we would give you, not the car but the car gas. Here's the money that we would only spit on you anyway were not to give it out to you like 2020 2020 $20 $20 $20.01 dollar $20.

I was on vacation know that I saw this dad by the pool is said that T-shirt that said my kids think I'm an ATM and I looked at that.

I thought know your kids think you're spineless. I think there's no end to you think they can just come up to you at any time to do anything with you is not funny to me. It's kind of sick and so instead what I do is give you this amount of money in your checking account. The first month when we started doing our girls, particularly start shopping at different stores because you buy one dress without my money or you by 15 things that moment. It just depends on how you think about and went back to it and they really believe that dad said that it then that's it has been amazing and you get the opportunity to have a new chore keeping the checkbook balance not bouncing any checks. I've got one that's never bounced a check all the way up to college and never bounced a check. I've got another one about subject one time.

Imagine being derisive kid and also to all of a that window down and talk to the bank arrested you have to go down the banker personally apologize you'll never bounced that one time when you're 16 years old right you apologize for for lying to them for writing a check and out of their bank that you know the money in there to cover. You lied to, and integrity issue your kidding how I look like I'm getting you get your butt down there change your life. What a wonderful lesson loose my meal is 60. The holder for Dave Ramsey story.

I can promise you a whole different mindset on how this stuff works other thing we've done is we decided when our kids are teenagers that are long before the tears we start telling them this were not buying your car. I'm not go by your car, I'm saving up, pay for college education are not buying a car if you want car bar save up money.

We've been blessed so I will match you are matching plaintiffs for one day I'll match you as you go along but but I am not buying a car. So whatever you save up. That's what you don't have one on the side along and some I also know that how you don't hoard your saving and I said I think I'm headed towards a really nice bicycle so I might get with it but say what the first one saved up some money got up matching got a nice car. The second one went well those that happen for real dad what you kidding got on the ball got more money got a better nicer car third was going bad I'm thinking new home and really probably could pull that off but but we, women intervene. So here's my suggestion for you.

If you're going to do the 401 match thing I would recommend on the front and say up to a certain amount put a limit on okay.

I was this morning to see this coming. Because as they move down the siblings they get harder about this. Once they see it's a real deal really really really going to happen. So the deal is this you need to teach your kids about money and they want to know Charles Schwab survey just so that I said 89% of teens want to know more about money. That's what hospitals need to be teaching teens really hungry for the stuff they want to know how it works and yet a jumpstart coalition study of high school seniors did a survey under and did some testing of high school seniors all across the nation in all kinds of different socioeconomic settings.

It wasn't just poor neighborhoods, rich neighborhoods and in here's what happened 52.4% of people took the exam of basic personal finance exam is a senior in high school, achieved a score of elf and yet they're getting ready to graduate from high school and turn them loose and send them out there who's in teaching about buying the car car dealer is a plan so we parents have got to get involved and the schools need to get involved. There's a whole process. There you have the ability to change your family tree.

Just give the money if you do the stuff we teaching him to become wealthy, and all you give them is money, no character, you will be a curse in the changer family tree in a negative way.

Teach them to work.

If you teach them a work ethic.

If you teach them. Integrity a godly man leaves an inheritance to his children's children is not just an inheritance of money, it's a it's an inheritance of character. If they learn all of these things if you just give them a work ethic and in and honesty. They'll be able to go win if that's all you do if you can work ethic, honesty and money when you started a new thing you're the new Rockefellers and and so kids really care about this stuff.

Be proactive, Warren Buffett said give you enough money to your kids that they can do anything. But not enough that they can do nothing. So marriage and money is absolutely essential for nerds and free spirits to unite. It's absolutely essential for you singles to take control your life with someone that's accountable to you that you're accountable to in your life and those of you that are raising kiddos. Don't be afraid. Apparently, a brave parenting to make some mistakes to let those mistakes disqualify your authority position. Step into their lives. Be loving and ferment, and be there form and teach them the stuff this stuff works. Thanks for me and we so enjoyed listening to Dave Ramsey here on Focus on the Family today and I enjoyed attending.

If you will, through this broadcast one session of his financial peace University series Dave Ramsey has such a wonderful perspective on how to teach our kids about money and how to encourage them to work not just receive handouts from mom and dad for the government and the way things are going today with supply chain problems in all types of product shortages. We need that work ethic. Now more than ever. So let me recommend a book that Dave and his daughter Rachel of Britain. It's called smart money smart kids raising the next generation to win with money and that's a great resource for parents who want to follow up on what we've heard today and if this broadcast brought up some issues for you.

Maybe your single parent or you're struggling to make ends meet. Please give us a call our friendly staff would count it a privilege to hear your story and pray with you over the phone and if your situation warrants it, they can have one of our caring Christian counselors give you a call back and they do excellent work.

Here's a response we received from Shelley. She said I just wanted to call back and say that I am so thankful for the free consultation you provided.

It was a lifesaving conversation and the counselor gave me some really sound and godly advice. Thank you. Focus and Jim as you know over the years our family has taken advantage of the opportunity to talk with members of the counseling team. Focus. It's been so helpful. Shelley is right. They do a tremendous job where we thank God and our donors for making it possible for Focus on the Family to offer these counseling services free of charge for over 40 years now so let me encourage you to donate today and help us help others and when you make a generous donation of any amount will send you a copy of the book smart money smart kids or the total Money makeover by Dave Ramsey. Just give us a call now. Our number is 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 or you can donate online and request the book smart money smart kids or the book, the total Money makeover will of the links in the show notes coming up next time author Julie lavender will encourage you to embrace the little moments with your children. You know, when we build these memories as a family. I think it helps the child feel loved and valued. You know, it creates a bond with common language of shared experiences on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for this Focus on the Family podcast take a moment please and greatest in your podcast death helps others find this great content on John Fuller inviting back next time. As we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. I was convinced that nothing could change what was going on in our marriage and I want to try anymore but my commitment to God, help me try one more time. We went to a hope restored marriage intensive and it was life-changing. The counselors created the safest environment we could imagine so that let us really talk a much different course now I believe we received a miracle that week received your free consultation and hope restored.com