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December 2, 2021 5:00 am
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Parenting is tough and moms like Julie need encouragement when they feel overwhelmed and the first thing I did was turn on the Focus on the Family podcast about parenting. That is my go to is there's always a topic that is relating to what I'm going through at the moment I'm Jim Daly this season. Help us give families Hope and when you give today.
Your donation will be double donated focusonthefamily.com/joy I would say that, first of all alone knows exactly how you feel. He's like Stephanie. Dumbest decisions walk the wildest pads and he loves your time when you do, that's Julie Burns she's a mom love spring for children was connecting those prayers with the word of God as she joins us for second issue is more inspiring thoughts to help you and me make prayer for kids natural everyday thing that you hope you'll stay tuned. Find out more for today's episode of Focus on the Family's president and Dr. Jim Daly and ganja John for a lot of moms in the prayer might feel awkward or familiar. Maybe some didn't grow up in homes where they prayed much or at all, but whatever your situation, we want prayer to be part of your family life.
That's one of the goals or focus because we believe in prayer in the power of prayer and that Jody Burke will offer some great encouragement, like she did last time. And if you didn't hear that broadcast get the download the app on your smart from whatever we can do to get that into your hands is our goal.
She has four adult children. As John mentions she's had a lot of practice.
Praying for them. I felt her vulnerability last time so inspiring you know we always project perfection, but she talked about some of the struggles her kids had and how she prayed through those things.
She first wrote about praying for children about 20 years ago and now she's updated. This great resource, praying the Scriptures for your children and John will get more details how to get that you give us a call. The numbers 880 family 800-232-6459 or the link is in the episode notes Jody, welcome back to Focus on the Family, thank you so much to find. Keep talking so good to see you when we think about praying for our children. One of the big concerns for parents and I've experienced this is kind of the explosion of technology one. It keeps us so busy and distracted in the course of simply the influence of all of it. Your children are grown now. But how much did tech affect your parenting and how did you pray for your kids to either manage it well what did you do what you just hit on one of the reasons they wanted to update this, but because when I read about 20 years ago kids in technology basically came down to something with new called MySpace it.
There was no face but no Instagram, no texting, no snapshots, none of all these things amazing. I think there once was a time there was not time. I know that any Cratchit that great but the tech lies family and in it he says that technology is the number one reason why parents think that raising kids today is more complicated than it is partly from what you said all the distractions you know the easy everywhere access of anything. Of course the fear we have of our kids being exposed to unwanted content. Whether it's pornography or anything else bullying on there's a lot of fear that comes with technology and yet it's there, it's can be part of our family's life it's any part of our kids lives. So I think we need to know how to manage and how we need to pray about it and tell you that was one of the reasons that I was looking back over that 20-year-old Buck and I MySpace when you sell what is your talking with parents and the counseling consulting that you do. What are you here counseling and consulting, Amy, Sarah, you know you're talking with them about where they're at. Those I do have teenagers you know my kids are the right at the tail end of 20 and 18 and you know it is something you have to think about probably in times past. You didn't have to pay attention to that puts pressure on us as parents. Now, to be praying for our kids to manage these things out wisely and we got to teach them how to do that absolutely. And of course there are the smart thing to do putting filters on your home computer is in managing screen time and all that parents can fall into a couple different camps. Sometimes we can be so frightened that you know we can lock down mode and little bit like keep your helmet on and help your kids get through without permanent damage or we can say it you know it's just out there and our kids are going to be exposed, so it is what it is. I think the best parents recognize that the technologies at their it's part of our kids world.
So let's manage it wisely and let's pray that wisely in one of my favorite prayers. I have a couple of them actually Job 110. Satan got her talking and and hedge of protection around Job, and I pray a hedge of protection around my kids that God would just put that they are said that some of the evils of technology don't penetrate that. So the defense of prayer that Job 110 but then I also really think it's important for parents to pray off offensively and I love Philippians 48 which says I'm not in a quote it correctly but it talks about what we need to think about. Think about whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is excellent whatever is praiseworthy.
I pray that my kids would be drawn to that. Now, when when I was young grown-up. My dad had a little it's from the Psalms said I will set before my eyes. No vile thing and he had taped that on top of the television set and that was you know my growing up days that was technology what you're watching on TV and I would pray that same thing.
You know Laura don't let them look at anything vile. Some translations a worthless dump before the eyes like that offensive posture.
How important is it for your kids to realize that they are going to have choices out there yeah yeah necklace back to that wisdom conversation we had on the earlier show, just that we want our kids to have that discernment in that wisdom because it is good to be out there and were not always gonna be with them to say hey, don't look at that. Don't do that. And even if we have felt as our home device.
Is there any little friends house where things accessible on the architect phones that I have one friend. His son and this is just precious that they this was a teenage boy and the parents were very concerned about what he was gonna be exposed to and how much limits. You know they should place that anything and he asked them to take a search engine off of his phone. After a little while, he realized that it was not leading them anywhere good and say said dispensing a let's get rid of that and to these parents who been as we all can become in the pit of fear of what if out there to have a child make that wise choice was just so much bigger than the technology issue because it spoke to the wisdom issue and I think we want it to your point. Pray for our kids to have that joy you cover in the book, praying for your child's future marriage course. Some people say, with focus is always about marriage while we are emergent. We realize not everyone will get married and that's good talks about that. We also can pray for our kids to thrive in a single suggestion that we want them to be wet wherever God has that right. Be not defined by I married my not married but not dating right track but for most people they will get married. It's kind of interesting because Jean and I've been doing this for years praying for the boys, but even thinking about in our case, those true women that are out to girls.
Where are the Marley in Colorado or somewhere else in the world really is mind-boggling when you start praying for your kids future spouses you know okay who she was she doing and then I will tell you when they come along. There is no greater joy than to be a say it's you talk about that you talk about your prayer and your prayer was Robbie. How that impacted your marriage and then how the Lord answered your prayers for your kids. When Robbie and I got married. Well Robbie and I I met in college and I was super cute but he didn't think I type.
I was grungy Flashdance I got up at the beach and he was preppy and squared away and well put together and and I also had gone up really in the Jesus movement. I was what he would've probably called the G.I. Jesus freak almost unite as I and and he had been in a valiant character and was very button-down in his appearance and in his faith, and so I just set them up with my sorority sisters that they would be perfect and that match didn't really take he and I he and I got to be better better friends and then fell in love and he asked me to marry him and we never really talked about getting it was right after graduation and he he had asked my parents got my dad's consent, but it came as a bit of a surprise to me but I said yes.
You know, and it seem like a good idea and it turned out to be a great idea. You know out of my mouth. I was like, this is a writing thing, but then later somebody asked me this now Robbie was the one for you and I fell, I don't. I knew sex. My parents is like that's an interesting question is about to tell you how you knew it's because that is my mom. She said your dad always prayed that Job 110 prayer again that God would put a hedge of protection around you that you know anyone who was in his choosing wouldn't gotta get there and also Colossians 315 that the peace of Christ would rule in your heart and so those two prayers and they prayed over my growing up years. When I said yes and had that peace and rule that that ruled my heart I knew it was the right yes and that was an answer to their prayer so yeah we started praying for our kids eventual mates on really from the time our children were conceived. We knew they'd be growing up in one day. Falling in love with somebody and doing the whole.
Even please thing and it has been such a delight. We have two married children into are now engaged with weddings coming up soon and when each of those people hit our radars, and we knew they were the one boy what a treat it was to be able to look at them and say it's you you're the one I have supported these prayers into over the house.
That's the right outcome.
That's what you want now I've got a house the opposite? Maybe those parents (or have been praying for years about their future child's spouse. Now there are in conflict because they don't really think that person is the right person for my baby yeah boy and that's more common than you think. Even within the Christian community you know and and even when you're child's chosen made as a believer it might not be the one that think is the best matter that is tough. But I tell you what day one when when union happens, you are on that team and your supporting that team all the studies show them in parent support.
The marriages thrive on the parents don't support.
It's a lot harder sell. I think if you've got a child that is married to somebody that you weren't sure was the right choice to say God they are married and how do I get on board with this because we know right.
The Redeemer is the restorer and I love what Tim Keller says in the meaning of marriage as well.
They were looking for a soulmate right person that he said you always marry the wrong person because even if you marry the right person. The minute you get married that person changes like like college Jody that Robbie found Loveless level.
It was way more fun than like new wife and mom. Jody and I just think each college. Jody was different than newlywed Jody was different than mom Jody, which is different than empty nest. Jody and each time I think I changed and it's so great of God that he allows us to grow and change together and learn new things about putting one another first in what I'm hearing you say you as a parent, or in that spot.
Brian maybe double up those prayers I would say two things. If you're praying and and you're child's not married yet and you're disappointed in your wondering when is that person in a come along because my chest 25 3540 you know whatever two things I would say keep praying but also speak life into the things that you see God doing in your child so that their identity doesn't become tied up in with.
Oh, I'm married or I'm single because we know Scripture is full of married people and single people that are honoring guidance trophy cases for his glory. And I love that Isaiah might be Isaiah 61.
Where were going to be a planting of the Lord. The display of his splendor can be that that's the whole point of our lives right to bring glory to him, single or married. We can do that.
I would say for that parent. Go ahead and pray for your child's spouse, but don't bring it up to them affirm in them what you see God's doing in their life that made you so compassionate God made you so smart that's made you so funny will not say you don't maintain that relationship.
You don't push them away because angry or over-the-top control issue absolute maintain that relationship is one element hereto were prayers is both an expression of the heart and permission to God to work on my heart is something you man yesterday it's not a magic formula so there's a whole scope of things you're talking about were God isn't obligated to answer your specific prayer you might have something bigger right does have something bigger has God ever stopped at our little prayer like you so you can say it's always immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, his ways are always bigger good reminder. Thank you for the Jody Berndt is our guest today on Focus on the Family and talking about concepts and the Scriptures in her book in her 20th anniversary edition. The newly revised, praying the Scriptures for your children discover how to pray God's purpose for their lives. It's an excellent resource got it here at Focus on the Family give us a call 800 K and the word family or stop by our website. The link is in the episode notes Jody over the years you've identified three prayer truths about praying for your kids. What are the yeah quickly to being fired three parent you know I need parents of young kids all the time and they just think of why when I get to the empty nest years and you know truth number one is for stabbing a parent right you never step in. You never stop wanting God's best for your kids and what ever season there and you might think this is that this is the biggie but it might not be might be another biggie, right around the corner and another truth, I think, is that prayer is work. It's a delight and it is a relationship, but as you said earlier, it is also a discipline and we want to make time for that we want to make be part of our everyday experience, but something in the intro tailored about not having time right yeah and I think a lot of times young parents, especially, can beat themselves up. You think unless I know have my coffee in my my prayer journal my Bible like I see on Instagram you know it's not an account but my kids got an infection and the dog just there and time you I was there I was there I thought okay it's not doesn't count unless I really carveout this time and and yet I would say to those parents just do it when you're in the carpool line. You're welcome on the stroller when you're folding laundry. I left there so many prayers in Scripture about how we are clothed in a close me with compassion and kindness okay unfold. These umpteenth pair socks include Hilary with compassion and kindness clothe the Robbie with wisdom and self-control. We have those prayer prompts all the time you're cutting up fruit for their snacks. You fill my kids with the fruit of the spirit with that. Galatians 522 with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness is prompts are everywhere.
We just kind of be alert and that's really good great discipline and you don't write. You don't have to have this necessarily this area you set up with your right you know the word of God that's good. If you've got that absolutely is and I never want to listen to hear me say don't spend time with him.
I mean we were talking at the breaking your wife's going off to do that with some friends this week and I think we do want to carveout these times. But one time I was speaking in Connecticut and my daughter Virginia is an adult now lives in New York City having to be with me and this has never happened before, but someone in the audience that you question for your daughter during the Q&A time.
I feel growing up. You know what the praying mom what what was it like, and so she grabs the microphone and she's not like it very much and I thought you where is this going, except for one thing, she was always praying that we were doing anything wrong. We get caught a stray numbers talks about that.
Be sure your sin will find you out well.
Although I do have one friend is you pray that when you just pray that they will never do anything wrong. I laughed, I said I don't affect the prey that I know that wired like I am there to do wrong.
So let's pray that their sin would be exposed. But then my daughter said she just prayed about kind everything likely go to the mall and we know we need a new pair jeans and mom would pray before he went and looked at. I don't like shopping. So of course I was praying for God to get us in and out quick but my daughter said to that audience that day.
She said it felt like a lot when I was growing up, but seeing it be part and parcel of our everyday lives. She said for me and for my siblings.
It really took sort of the mystery out of praying it made us see it as doable as something you could talk to God at any moment of your day and she said so even though I didn't love it. Growing up I will say looking back now, I'm really grateful to have seen that modeled soda or whatever your needs are.
Tell God your needs met.
So good Jody you want to zero in on some practical help for parents read it the next half of the program. Provided full really practical tools.
One give your children the Y to build a prayer by three. Introduce your children to real-life Bible people and for make prayer fun you, touch on that with that loss, but speak to us for truths about teaching your kids how to embrace and that some of the new material in the book and that address the question of when parents were saying how do I teach my kids how do I take that we are saying that mystery out of it. I think we touched a little bit on the fun part in the other episode is a happy hope game around the dinner table would also do things like before the first day of school would have a back-to-school ice cream sundae party and just invite other parents and kids from the neighborhood. Pray for the school year and would say okay you know the Smiths, you gotta pray for the school bus safety in the Joneses. Your pray for athletics.
You know the Robertsons you pray for kids relationships with their teachers. Whatever it is and then the families would come together and prayer time didn't take more than 10 minutes. Now, as each person prayed for their assigned little topic. The ice cream sundae time took the ball. It was great because it made it fun for the kids because kids will do what other kids are doing enough. You save your own kids were to pray about the school year.
You might say hey guess what the Kaplan's are coming over the world and make Sundays and pray that makes a lot more doable. So make it fun for kids to Bible people. That's another one that like I remember Hilary and I tell the story in the book her 10th birthday. She was her first slumber party and Shelley's go sleep in overnight we run out of things they were doing and I thought what you be okay let's tell a story and the biblical story of Esther popped in my mind and I thought for a bunch of preteen girls. Esther being, you know, plucked out of obscurity and having all the makeup treatments she had the ointments and the lotions you and archaeologists have actually found these old makeup tub, so we know it's not just Bible. You really need much of its I told them the story and it is clear as I was telling it that a lot of these young girls didn't know they didn't know about the plot thickens and Haman and Mordecai and Esther being an orphan and they didn't know about the Jews getting ready to be annihilated and then out the very end it changes captivated and when it got and I thought the power in the story for them is not just God's faithfulness, but it's also knowing the esters this young girl, not a lot older than they are and God used her to save his people and so I think the more we can introduce our kids to real-life biblical people you know David, who's a shepherd right and nobody becomes king Moses and if you read that exit his stories and Moses is like I can't do it. You know I have faltering website on how to speak in God's like, but you're going to go to Pharaoh's.
I hate you Matata feel like they can't get public speaker Moses. All these people are just such regular ordinary folks and I love the idea that we can give them our kids that that legacy and that vision lets you mention to let her back when I used a start out writing financial planning books for Danny and Ron blue, and you moved to this great as I let you know one of things I learned from from Ron blue and that we did with our own kids was teach them the value of saving and spending. We had these little jars are safe, spend give prayer is the same way as we learned, Scripture that saving it for putting that in our memory bank and I would actually encourage parents to to get little prayer banks.
Whether it's a little treasure chest you decorate your fear crafty. Maybe you learn a Bible verse and you write it in there. Maybe it's just a mason jar. We slip the person that we talk about the other one. Hebrews 313 encourage one another daily, easy to learn. You learn that wants to get in there and you look for a time to encourage and once we've built that capital in that memory bank and that prayer bank. We have to spend so just like a financial need that comes up with that emotional or physical or mental need some friendship need a relationship need. We can pray Lord help me encourage that person daily because it got that first tucked in there so it's just it works like the jury were right at the end here. Just ask for Gina and myself are slightly ahead of us. You have two married to yet to be married but engaged. I think all in their 20s. I think one or two that are 30 or 30, but you're just a curve.
I think the question is this is our children mature and they move into the next phase of their out of the house. Hopefully there are no moving into a relationship with a spouse, etc. how do we what go of them shifts that parenting dynamic to know, top down. If I could set that way to peer to peer. I think that's hard because we we love controlled only I want to pick my kids play dates, let alone their spouse or whatever. And yet yeah we do need to step back, our prayers change instead of praying just for our daughter Sally. Suddenly, Sally's married to Jimmy and you're praying for both of them as part of that the leaving and cleaving and just blessing them like there's a lot of power and blessing and in speaking words of life over your kids. You don't have to agree with every choice. Your adult child is making to speak. That's favor over their lives and to bless them and I think I meet so many parents of adult kids who see waited where they think their kid is walking wrong. Whether it's just a matter of taste or whether it's a moral sin decision and they think will. How can I bless them I love them nothing other wrong.
I need to pray the Holy Spirit to convict them.
I need to make sure they know that they're doing is wrong and you think they know what you think you've rightly know that you think that's wrong. Your job now that they're gonna love them to pray for them to speak.
That's favor over their lives and allow the Lord to do what we talked about earlier to work in them to will and to act according to his good purpose.
When I love your expression of their modeling the way you walk with the Lord your adult children, saying that she fits and starts the fall they see me ask for forgiveness.
They see me. That's all good yet.
It's all good for them to see it as hard as parents we don't want our kids to see the holes in armor, but to show them that they know they're not perfect either. The grace from dog.
I have one friend my friend Lisa Robertson says you know, if I were perfect. Don't be tempted to worship me. So it's a good thing I'm not chocolate yet so good. Thank you for the effort you want people you know we will, as authors write a book. Thank you for the revision.
Thank you for coming back to this great resource Scriptures for your children. Sometimes the consumers of the content don't realize how much important to actually make it happen.
So thank you for that. We been listening to one of the best of 2021 conversations here on Focus on the Family trust majority branches help you move forward in your prayer journey. If you need help from our counseling department were here give us a call schedule a consultation of those curing Christian counselors can pray with you that can give you additional guidance in your parenting journey and offer a lot of help and if you're a parent when we speak directly to you. I want to encourage you to get Jody's great book from Mr. Focus on the Family with a donation of any amount will send it to you as our way of saying thank you. There are millions of parents who need biblical advice and many families who are struggling. You can offer them practical solutions for your support of focus and right now because of some generous friends of Focus on the Family. When you give your donation will be doubled to equip parents to raise children boldly in their Christian faith and help redeem broken family so let me encourage you be a partner with us give today. As you can get this great book, which is prayers with scriptures for pretty much every situation, including challenging times is a wonderful resource so you don't get the book for numbers 800 K.
The word family of 800-232-6459 or the link is in the ship's. Join us again tomorrow is with you about embracing your role as a spouse in our best of 2021 series is a continuous and for now on behalf of Jim Daly joined us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back once more help you and your family thrive