Why Praying for Yourself is Essential

Friends of Focus on the Family and give families help this Christmas with a gift of appreciated stock by donating appreciated stock you create tax savings while turning resources into help for hurting family and you will also receive a tax inaction on the fair market value of your gift.

Let our team help you make the most of your giving to learn more visit give families hope.com that give families help.com common prayer that I pray for myself is Lord help when I pray I pray that God would give me and my husband a family one day reprove a good husband for my wife. I often pray that God would make me more aware of him in my day-to-day life. I am eight months pregnant.

So my prayers these days are mostly Lord, please help me be a good mom, and not mess up this baby goes prayers to be some familiar kind of prayers do you prefer yourself today on Focus on the Family would be learning more about the power and purpose of prayer.

Thanks for joining us on John Fuller and your hostess focus resident and author Jim John. This is one of those obvious topics were we know the right thing to do, but it's hard to do it and it's about prayer and particularly prayer about ourselves. I think were even quicker to want to pray for others. It's easy to pray for someone who's struggling but when were the one struggling. I think we do kinda find it more difficult to say Lord I need help and it's such a genuine opportunity to say Lord help me and you can get so distracted from that type of prayer because of so many other people that need care and attention, especially in a busy mom's life. Think of that and today were going to talk about how important it is for you to pray for the Lord to engage with you directly.

Yeah, and this is one of those topics. Jim that I think a lot of us feel underequipped. We feel like we can effective prayer might seem rotor routine work.

Maybe God doesn't seem to be answering my prayers is just a whole lot of weakness associated with prayer. There is I just want to get to it because you feel and know the heart of our guest today, Jody burned to his back in the studio with this. She has studied the topic of prayer for many years. She's written how to pray for your children how to pray for your teens how to pray for your adult children and this new book is about how to pray for you how to pray for yourself and I'm looking forward to it today.

Jody welcome back again, thanks so much for having and let me just mention Jody is an author and speaker and Bible teacher and has written 10 books of Jimmy reference nitride is a brand-new one called praying the Scriptures for your life.

31 days of abiding in the presence provision and power of God and we have copies of that here the ministry. The link is in the episode notes or call 800 a family Jody.

There was a time when and I so relate to this.

You viewed praying, like a vending machine Lord. This is what I need pop. There is a new reach in and pull out. I think a lot of people can relate to that. But that's not what God wants in our per relationship right now. I definitely threat for a lot of years you know you don't really know how to pray. If you're doing it right and I thought okay I'm in ASCAP or something and then if it happens. Must've been a good prayer and if not, you know, maybe I did it wrong. I didn't whatever transactional and yet as you look at Christ's model for prayer right it's all of that connection and this new book really came out of about two years of me just spending time in John 15, and it's that the hours right before his crucifixion. Nice hanging out with the disciples in his closest companions and you think Dolly what is he want to say what we say to our closest friends. If we know our time was short. Anything all the stuff he kind of talked about you. Now he could have talked about evangelism he could talk about how to preacher Billy great three point sermon he could have talked about feeding 5000 people.

Again, you know, let's go over that again because that seems very useful but he doesn't. He really drills down in those last words on prayer and he says and I think this is one of the most remarkable promises on Scripture.

He says if you remain in me, or if you abide in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and will be done for you and he's telling them let's not just have it transactional. Let's have it be a connection point, a remaining know I'm the remaining you as my Holy Spirit takes up residence. You not let my words remain in you, we have for Scripture I'm such a great problem but remarkable.

It sounds like in a late-night infomercial like too good to be true but you realize why he's doing it in the very next verse in verse eight he says this is to my father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. And that's why he wants us to ask him for staff because he wants us to bear fruit he wants us to be people of impact and that's where Jesus says let my words remain in you, because the more we dig into Scripture them always spend time getting to know God through his word, the more the things that we want. The more our desires begin to line up with what he already wants to do. So true. It's good speak to all of us Christians particularly. Obviously, how we tend to be a little passive with prayer or even in my opinion it worse. We make a thing of last resort right to God for years and then one our backs up against the wall. We better pray now. I mean I guess it's good that you are printing short in that market but want to make that a regular routine right why you're so right. I mean we were talking earlier about human relationships and how many marriages would thrive if the only time you talk to your spouse when you really needed something or how many children will feel loved her parents would fill out if the only thing was okay. I made dinner here it is. The child never said I'm hungry or thank you yeah it's this asking this receiving this thinking that help strengthen our connection. I think that's what God wants us anything we need any guys a lot of times when we don't ask, ask, and acknowledge him as the source of our provision signals relationship and that's what he wants. That's what Hunt's relationship with that.

I want to go back to the abiding heart, John 15 because abiding even some people may not even really understand that the word, so let's spend a few moments now you know you're listening and you say I don't know what that is you're among friends because I'll tell you what I went to a Christian camp growing up where we learn to sing this song and I am not a good singer but I want to say it went abiding in the behind abiding in the vine. I know what it was talking about in my much younger brother was up for and he would sing it, but he would sing were fighting in the barn were five you know I love the beat myself. I can picture what a barn fight looks like, you know, we can all picture of a fight in a barn by now idea what it looked like to abide in the vine that is a little confusing and old-fashioned sounding, and yet you we were talking earlier to about different Bible translations and as you read that John 15 verse he says remain in me 11 times in 10 verses in John 15 to obviously matters to him and as you compare the translations there verses like abide in me.

Remain in me dwell in me let my words dwell in you. Let them take up residence in you and I think that's really what it comes down to is sort of that connection that place of surrender that yielded mass him and to his words. What are the benefits of abiding in Christ and what are the benefits you know such a good one.

Andrew Murray wrote a book called abide in its tenets.

From this John 15 so interesting because and again I'm so frightened that I'll get it wrong, but I want to get across is just he says as believers we completely get the idea that apart from Christ. We can do nothing. Jesus says remain in me, because apart from the do nothing right. John 15 verse five Emily like we get that now I think we need to stay attached to get his strength and his source through our lives bubbling is that just as the vine is dependent on the branches to bear fruit because you don't see the grapes just popping out of the trunk or the vine right needs the branches for the sap to go to sell God for reasons we might not ever understand has chosen to make himself dependent on us as the branches to dispense his fruit. His blessing his provision in the world. The top of the benefits to buying. Certainly we get filled up with that connection that love that relationship with Christ. Also get to become people who can make a difference in our world because we are the branches that bear the fruit with the ones that dispense his blessing and provision in the lives of the people around.

I think to that is a good inside.

I love the analogies that God is solid is like looking at the grapevine, but also that abiding principle is really knowing the peace of God when there's chaos and turbulence in your life when you can really abide in him there is a sense of peace and I know many people who spouse has passed away, and when I call him on the phone to talk with him or spend time with them the talk about that peace that they feel even in the midst of that great pain. That's what were talking about that ability to abide in God to abide in Christ even when there's turmoil all around you. It's an anchor place is an anchor place for our faith, our trust to know that we are held.

Joe you've outlined 31 different ways to pray and abide in Jesus, and this is what your books all about praying the Scriptures for your life. Let's explore few though. Starting with marriage.

Yes you can give me peace in my marriage. I will call you blessed yeah what is that first from a marriage and how do we say often like we do. God please change my spell don't go in there. I have a perfect marriage.

If it wasn't from close to home on this on because I share the story in this book as we do.

We pray that you know fixing change and fix her change her.

But I tell you early on in Robbie's and my newlywed years will come to marriage with different backgrounds and different baggage young label it. Whatever you well, but were not raised in the same homes that things are done differently and in our case, I had come from a home where my dad did a lot of the grocery shopping, he did a lot at that kitchen cleanup all of that and I just sort of expected that Robbie would be that Robbie grown up in a home with his mom really if something happened inside how she was the cooking and you know his dad would hang out with very might read the paper fixing something to drink and and he was being supportive of one like it was his absentee dad but but so Robbie came into the marriage with that model and I came into the marriage thinking okay where's the food did you first year a little while with both of us, looking at the other person wondering who is this person I married, how, and how I was spending time praying, singing teaching to do this, just fix them just make a more like my dad was really what I was paying a lot of girls.

I think get married and think well very gently said to me, Jody, to stop nagging and trust me I can shape Robbie into a better husband than you could ever make. Even if I gave you a blank check to design the man you know that you perfect inside. I said I stop my nagging and I'm leaving to stop my praying and start my trusting and I kid you not.

The day after and I know that doesn't always work in an instant.

But in this case, he was really bringing the point home. I was in the kitchen the day after deciding not to release it was a tiny little newlywed kitchen. You know smart in the stable, and I'm in there and I'm chopping up the broccoli gathering. When he peaks his head around the corner, he says, is there anything I can do to help get ready for dinner and you know I burst into tears.

I'm sure he's ready now she's crying again, you know these guys that we keep them guessing, but it was like I said see just trust me and I will tell you that over the years he has been faithful that he shape grabbing to husband that exceed anything in my wildest dreams but it's not because of my nagging it's not because of my suggesting that it's because of God's work in both of our lives.

Jody also appreciate the vulnerability and transparency speak to that woman right now is still their son and change him and then really you know the bitterness that can crop up joyful person. I think it's if I could set this where you seem to be a person that would naturally see improvement go wow thank you Lord. Some spouses that bitterness gets so I guess I would say the mod over there heart is so deep that when the Lord moves they may not even recognize and and and and that's real and I have been that you might think I'm joyful but I definitely can get in my gloom function and be there as well and I think that's an intentional surrender and intentional yielding an intentional, hard-working, me and you know I've always said one of my favorite prayers.

When we don't feel love and we don't feel forgiving. Sometimes I can go there and got José how about the pair of make me willing to be willing, not just make me willing to forgive or make me willing to love that make me willing to be willing to love and I think sometimes to if we resolve to take a perspective shift like another thing Parvati help you solicit this broadcast early on early on in our marriage. He would just and I know probably everyone who's listening will hear this. He would like to have his T-shirts and Indus dropped his laundry on the floor the better. Wherever Amber is like 3 feet away. I want to live in right now to call focus on the payment process. The dishwasher I remember seeing that and I said to you, what is it makes and he was fine.

He said no I'm I'm away on a business trip.

I'm going off to market. I thought that would remind you of me when I'm done I will tell you honestly that true confessions but rose up in me right them was not gratitude reminder.

It was somewhat instant I saw the humor in it. I am going to look at his T-shirt and say let that be a trigger for me for gratitude. So wife when you see that thing that bugs you, let me take a husband think you got or and Michael sounds like a washing machine. Yeah, that's a gift from God, it might overlook, but to see that and think I can watch this thing. Even the things that I know I asked if we give them to God and say help me see them as blessings. He can split that whole equation around and see that.

I think that's the reason I ask because you gotta come to a point where you can actually let go of the bitterness, especially in your mirror. Leave it to the Lord's, there's a chapter in the book on forgiveness and in there to know and I know you've heard this book as everybody says it in some shape or form but hang on to bitterness is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. You know it's it's a good one to in the book Jody refers to is praying the Scriptures for your life. 31 days of abiding in the presence provision and power of God. The authors Jody Berndt she's our guest today on Focus on the Family give us a call to get your copy of this. This is one of those books that you will go to time and time again our numbers 800 a family or the link is in the episode notes which covered the marriage side of the text for your trip and worrying about the big thing you've kept a log or prayer log, which I think is great.

I wish I would've done that tended to remember that in my mind how did you keep the log when the Lord answered prayers how to do share that with your kids. Well, one of the things I do that I think anybody can do letter your journal or or not, but as you know I'm all about praying the scripture about taking Scripture and reading it and saying be kind and compassionate to one another.

You read that in Ephesians and you want to look around and say Lord, make my kids kind and compassionate to one another that takes the Bible as a conversation starter where God is speaking to us and were praying it right back to him. And there's willpower there. I'm so what I my Bible is full of people.

If you pulled it out, you would see that there notes in the margins and it's kind of fallen apart because it's old, but I might've prayed this one over my son in 2006 or this one in 2009 or 2011 and then years later when I go by and see how God has answered that. That's a fine remembrance.

It's a it's a little altar right there in the and in a good way to the altar and say thus far the Lord's help me to say that this is where I saw God move and I also keep keep a prayer journal and I like to go back to that and see what God has answered Hallie's answered in ways I didn't expect which is often you know he doesn't always answer in the way we expect that yeah I'm a big fan of recording and you know the other day.

We've got to do a good habit of reading together praying together early in the morning the other morning Troy are now 18-year-old he was down getting breakfast before heading off to school and I was trying to side door just go ahead and pray like I would normally pray for him in front of him is about 30 feet away, but he could hear the weather normally pray. So I prayed for his future spouse. I prayed for his soul's well-being. In his wisdom toward the Lord in pursuing God's heart for his life with what is he thinking right now but I want him to hear how cute he thought and he heard that you, he loved it and I will tell you, on the other side of parenting. You know their kids being grown now.

The things they might've rolled their eyes at especially during the teen years I the things they're grateful for now and there is nothing I think that can build a kids confidence as much as seeing their earthly parent. Talk to their heavenly parent about them. That's a good thing the model and be sincere with adult don't pretend you do what you would normally do for your son or daughter to see that is a good, so let's move to the Bible describes loving others step back one minute that because you said something that's good for them to see and it is that that praying over their day praying of their specimen, but when our kids are in a tricky spot and we are crying out to God put limitations in 02 says put your heart like water in the presence of the Lord and a lot of that is an absolute guiding ourselves.

I might lunch, I would let my kids out is when there's conflict. Yeah, right, your heavenly father, but they might not need to know how distraught you are. I would totally agree about context. Let's move to another important area where we need to be praying for ourselves and again it's not selfish to pray for yourself, please say that again is not selfish because I spent so long thinking it's great to pray for my kids.

It's great to pay for the starving people in Africa.

It's great pray for world peace, but you just feel like so wrong when you come to God with your own needs and yet cod is going now. Please come to me and I think that is a mom, wife thing. I really do because I think women are so quick to not want to do something for them. So just built a beautiful thing.

It's very humble fine but it's okay to pray for yourself in that regard. Why forgiveness is such a challenging thing for us to do in a course forgiveness to be rooted properly. We need to start in prayer. Help me Lord to forgive the person who had wounded me yeah and life is full of wounds is in it, and then says and if someone had said their sorry. You know, we think, I can't forgive them and yet Jesus would say oh yes you can, just like he has with us. We don't have to wait. And the longer we hold on to that on forgiveness and let that bitterness to critics like we said earlier, it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. We give the offender power you Louis Smedes has written extensively on the power, forgiveness, and I love what he said he's like we let this monster build up and they have this control of us because they have heard us only forgive them. We take the power away is just amazing. It's amazing and I tell the story in the book. I love it on another UVA story at the center on our team Jay Huff was part of the national championship team in 2019 little bit more about the national championship J as a high school I got to know his dad's dad said that highschooler Jay had a really high radar for what was right and what was wrong. What was fair and what wasn't. And so when he saw the bats make a bad call to protest everything you all and as a result, he would get technical fouls and that was not a good thing.

Let you know he had to learn to keep that under control and his dad finally set him down. He said you know J. Nobody got worse Santa Claus and Jesus right.

He didn't do anything wrong and look at the call he got and he said so what did Jesus do. He responded in forgiveness, he responded in love.

What a great lesson for us when we think we have been so wrong.

Maybe we have a look at Christ and say Lord help me respond as he did in love and forgiveness even if the offender had those amazing thing to remember after I would put that in the context of culture and more room descriptions of the Council culturally talked about before we think are so right to hang on to our effectiveness and I will write and how do we exemplify the attitude of Christ when people are throwing stones at us. Stephen, Dave, was that model is not one that we want is nothing that you know as I'm reading my Bible this year and I'm finding that no Jews are afraid because they know that that if they acknowledge that Jesus healed this person or that person that they can get put out of the synagogue and they were getting canceled early on as well.

Partial big help somebody to cut you off, cancel you not let you come into their group, whatever it is we all get canceled and yet how we have to respond again is in love and forgiveness and that faithfulness not compromising our values the right thing and I'll be rolled over. I'm just saying don't respond with up in the ante of anger. When this kind of dovetails into the final question I want to ask you about was fascinated by how you compare the word patients to suffering what you're talking about whether it's in the cultural context or in the marital context or in the child were in contrast I think the person that you know is praying for the patient's but they don't want to suffer for him since the license does this patient is afraid of the spirit right and so it's a good thing, but I will say in my own experience I did not equate patients with a good thing. It seemed like it was a code word for an unmet longing. You know, or plan unmet desire or need even to the point of suffering. I was intrigued to learn that patients actually does come from the Latin word for suffering. There's a link there. Don't press me on that because I'm not a wordsmith, but I did read that one and when we wait we do need to have that that courage that strength God says in Psalm 2714 be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord, because God could have any number of reasons why he might be calling us to wait, he might be asking us and wanting us to refine our desire and our longing said that we actually desiring what it is that he wants us to give. He may be allowing us to build our faith.

How much more grateful are you and how much more you have to acknowledge God's provision. When you do finally get that car when it's the farmer praying for rain when it's that couple trying to conceive and they haven't yet to do that when that baby comes.

Incident knowledge of God's goodness and gratitude that wouldn't of been there, had we not had that season of waiting so good I hope. If you're hurting and you're in a spot where patience is required and you been in the valley know that were here with current Christian counselors. You can talk with you can pray with you and provide additional resources for you after over 40 years of ministry. I don't think you'll surprise us and if you do will learn from it together and build assure the wisdom with other people. So do lean on us were here for that reason supporters have been able to support us in such a way that we have a great team of counselors to help you. Also would love to put a copy of Jody's book, praying the Scriptures for your life. 31 days of abiding in the presence provision and power of God is so easy because I believe in the content. If you can send us a gift of any amount will send it to you as our way of saying thank you if you can afford it will send it to you just get a hold of us. I would think we should be moving tens of thousands of these books.

Who doesn't want to pray better for themselves for the family for their marriages, etc. just waiting on us to trust that others will cover the cost of that can help do so for part of the ministry close to your benefit in God's economy you're doing ministry to focus so get engaged with us of much help. Contact us today. Make a donation if you can, of any amount and copy this great book, praying the Scriptures for your life are numbers 800 a family link is in the episode, Jody.

Again, thanks for being with us is great. Thank you, thank you so and on behalf of Jim Daly, and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for focus on family on John Fuller inviting you back once more help you and your family thrive just like a warm fireplace when it's cold outside.

The joy of the Christmas season gives comfort. I'm John Fuller, and Focus on the Family is excited to let you know about our Christmas stories podcast. Each episode brings heartwarming conversations to bring your family closer together and remind you of the hope we have.

You can enjoy the podcast@focusonthefamily.com/Christmas towards your past shows the brand-new season five focusonthefamily.com Christmas