Pouring Into the Lives of Your Grandkids

Christmas memory making sharing stories with your family that's depicted in the play from Focus on the Family titled family traditions this story and paint by artist Morgan was a lively family kitchen scene will find a special place in your home and find out how to get a signed version of the special edition print@focusonthefamily.com/family traditions. That's focusonthefamily.com/family traditions making these strength and this is what we can do is grandparents were, on the sidelines were ready for sated naming mom and dad on here, but when we went workout when they violets or whatever they call SCN where fresh or were not embedded in the net about the rice in the key so we can come with fresh strength. That's Shelley Tomlinson she's with us today on Focus on the Family along with her friend and co-author Chris Howard your hostess pokes president and author Jim Daly thanks for joining us on John Fuller John here Focus on the Family we love grandpa. I mean I'm not one yet not one yeah but were looking forward one day and it's one of the things that people will contact us about they'd like to see more content or grandparents and so here's your day were to talk about being a grandparent being a really good grandparent and how to do the right things and avoid doing the wrong things and I am looking forward to this discussion so that in time in the right time when I become a grandparent all be equipped you'll know better how to engage with to bring all this can be a fun program.

Chris Howard and Shelley Tomlinson both are grandmothers so Chris is a prolific author and one of the Duck Dynasty matriarchs. I guess you could call her Shelley is an author and speaker in between the two of them they have over 20 grandchildren. I believe at least one or two great grandkids crazy their host, the popular rocking it grand podcast and they've captured some of their stories and wisdom and a great book by the same name called rocking it grand 18 ways to be a game changing grandma and we have copies of that here at the ministry, click the link in the episode notes or call 800 K in the word family and while were talking about being a grandparent with two grandmas. We also want to grandpa's to hang in there because this context can be relative to you and we want to help in that journey as well and let me welcome both of you. Thank Focus on the Family is to have you got your really fun we had a little banter already. I know this is going to be very energetic. As we said that John and I were not grandparents yet in our long journey but I hear it's pretty good what your favorite thing about being a grandparent favorite thing you got ice cream and I like ice cream and Chick-fil-A are always something. I mean there was a time when my my thinking is now are they range from 17 to 25 so I'm great grandkids states now have five great link so there was a time when my entire minivan smelled like something like sound anything thing of being a grandparent is just watching them grow lap and began to pour into them and see things that you pour into your grandchildren like your children actually come about and play out and just recently when my granddaughters was away as she was in California. We live in Louisiana and just that evening at 11 o'clock I get a text saying I miss you know how precious is that that I have developed a relationship with my 18-year-old granddaughter when she's in California. She has even a thought about me.

I think about them all the time.

Of course, but to know that I am part of their thinking and that they love and that's got to be top of the list of favorite thing not younger this grandchild is 12 or 12 1/2 and then I have one that's 1 1/2 size 6. That range and ice ages 12 1/2 is actually 13 favorite thing in this. Grandparenting journey has began that you had a different place your stay off and say you interact with them differently than you did with your children.

Yet there's not quite as much expectation and so you can engage in more conversation. There's not the nuts and bolts of parenting going on is not change that you can really engage with them and save the world through their eyes because they're always saying things that I wouldn't have recognized and noticed I like that that's good I think. I've said this before but it's a funny line grandparents and grandkids have a common enemy shall come back to my house and I plans are there and they're coming to pick him up and the grants got all to go the other way and the parents are thinking well thank key that might be a good place to ask the question because it does create some tension with your adult children right and your daughter-in-law are your son-in-law, you know, the come to get the kids in there kicking and screaming got the dog and they don't want to leave grandma and grandpa's house because it's been so much fun in the course get the phone call, you know, grandma, grandpa you guys help us Yahoo soap on the log as you are aware where the parent's lines are in.

Chris and I talk about this a lot like if the parents are down and get their kids a lot of sugar then you don't either. I think that really you bought by their wills is much you cannot course is grandparents yeah you got a fudge down the cell on the grandsons at all, but I really do try to respect if they say they need a nap.

then you put them down for a nap if you say sugar is a know nothing down and that that helps with that problem with them is the fact that they didn't want to stay with you. now you're just happy about that.

like sorry buddy yeah i know. okay, here you can take him squint kicking and screaming. if you know.don't stop you're welcome to stop crying for the parent really like it loving every minute of it. chris, let me ask you, your granddaughter, sadie robertson, that's willing to record your daughter is your granddaughter and she's a delightful young lady has every every father who has a son about her age. that's the kind of daughter you hope your son will be just from people when sadie was before i really would love to meet.

sadie thinks she'll be in such a such town made it set sadie up and not even in that know you you mentioned in the book you travel to a speaking engagement with her young woman approached you and she said something about being a grandparent that really grab your heart. what did she pray over your sadie, you had she had for the first probably three years… stealing sadie for your son sadie was asked to speak so matched developing her speaking skills. i was the natural want to travel whether corey was busy feeling and doing different things. solace with agatha speaking this young man said that she had been thinking and praying about me and which kind of shot this on the sidelines rushing my granddaughter sign and do her thing and this young lady said that she'd been praying and she just wanted me to know that what has been coming to her is that that my ceiling ceiling is grandparents will be the floor for our grandchildren to live in blossom and go and move and doing all that. it just hit me. i love that analogy some action later. i say in the book i took with our whole family israel for christmas three years ago and we got to see this in action. we got to let down this wedding excavated. i don't ever say that right this whole area and you can literally see three civilizations on top of each other and i thought looking at that. wow, that is, you know, johnny and i and corey and willie and sadie and now christian and now they have honey now a question about asked my mom and dad and telling canyon ry generation, but my mom and dad in five generations and each generation is building on text and leaving that are ceiling were leaving that floor for them to start what they're going to do. it's just really that just touched me so much that when you look at.

i guess using that analogy of you know, building upon your grandparents for ceiling measure floor, which is a great way to look at things. one of those is a grandparent one of those building materials that you're giving your grandchild to build on one of the timbers that they're going to be using one of those things you're investing in is a grandparent right. that is, that's the thing that you that's what we think about so often what we want to pour into other grandparents for them to think about that. think about those things. water stains my husband and i started something when i was a little lame taught medicine/island.

every time we would be on vacation wave make the case at hand, and we added to this principles for living are howard legacy principles for living with 67 problem now that we and those are the things we wanted to build into our children and so of course now those are the things that we wanted to build into our grandchildren, our great-grandchildren. so how you go about those things, maybe a little bit different when you're the parent the grandparent instead of the parent you don't have all the responsibility all the time you do get to do a little more things things don't have to be quite as serious. some something, but still there's a seriousness to it, because god has gifted us with this role is grandparents. we talk a lot about the intentionality that's really big and i think it speaks and what you're asking if you're intentional as a grandparent of what it is that you're wanting to pass on their opportunities out during the day while you're with them to redirect their thinking toward what the word says what god's word says about the s and it can be a natural way of including the principles that you're wanting to pass on to them in the conversation so that they know what's important to you and you don't have to preach on dice just grandma really loves jesus she listens to and this is haley's guiding her life, and if they say that model of that life of faith for them. it's easier for them to come to that. and you have to do that or we want you to do that with intentionality mistresses kids get older, maybe the teen years frame that time and what they can tend to pull away but there's so much pulling at them electronics friends everything like that. how did you see those changes happening in your grandkids and what were the kind of the fixes to try to keep them engaged in the family will speak to that and then i'll say to chris because hires are little older, but i'll tell you what i'm doing right right now because matter, transitioning, and i see that happening, and then chris can speak to.

as they get older said that 12 and i have a couple that are patient, 13 and so that you have no you are no longer the center of their world, honey. sadly, this is what begins to happen you know grandma was everything when they were to and now their world enlarges and it's full of friends and family in their own interest you have to reach out to the him more so initiate you initiate and you do not expect dion and you don't take offense if you're no longer the brightest star in the bar see how it can be hard is grandparents because that was your baby.

but if you realize that this is natural and it's good that you're no longer that they're not orbiting around you until you reach out to them and you continue. i say another place in the book you talk about the things that don't matter as much so that the things that you've already built ground of his occasion. parents is so thoughtless what's going on.

if you instill that that disability have a conversation and talk to them about their life and you might be talking about a frog or the color of the sky, and it may seem inconsequential before they reach that age. but if you feel that communication even then they start turning out her and i'll trust you to talk about the things that are really important because you took the time to talk to them about the things that they felt were important when they were little bit but now chris has that older teenagers that is word out about this. i remember i was on her radio show probably five years now and she asked me how i dealt with teenage grandson is hers were really little and i had the teenage grand and shelley is saying it right, you've built you'd like that foundation with everything just like a parent as you lay that foundation so that when they reached 15 years as natural years that they're going to gravitate away from you and my junk in my family is when my kids by grants get the license. i get traded in for car. like i don't mind driving around and going on then all of a sudden i'm not anymore and my 17-year-old had i appointment this week where he had to have his eyes dilated. i said, just like old times batty until after we did that we went to chick-fil-a. it's just staying connected today all the way through, so that when i reach 13 years, they still want to be with you. i still mean you're definitely way down the line. the girlfriend boyfriend friends at school and how the concept but you're still in the picture because you build this relationship with him and i and for me is about both of us like to be involved even on other levels like we both play tennis with our grandkids boat ski do those things out those kinds of things that you can find the active things that a man you know my crank as well. tennis tournaments you know right whole family story in the book and i think is so good for this part of this conversation that i developed this little game.

it's a silly little time with one of my grandchildren when she was out in the backseat and she was that age where they ask questions constantly that have no importance whatsoever. you why.

while i want lots of grass green epiphany one day and i realized that emerson didn't really care why the grass was green what she wanted was the conversation. that's what was coming and when i realized that this game developed accidentally where she would say liza grass grain and i would answer in a nonsense glad site because elephants are gray okay okay that's my grandmother not yet candy while things got say the customs crowds she got this discount clan because the trees are straight out of the top four words and her parents would listen right that that is the craziest thing that emerson left it in somewhat loving was the conversations connected. she was wanting to have a conversation and you don't tough times are part of life. we are on the mountaintop sometimes and sometimes were in the valleys and in the book you mentioned that. what are some ways we can teach our grandkids not being there parents obviously but from the grandparent perspective to build resiliency. you know to toughen up. so when those big blows come in life you can manage them whether their eight or 18 or 28. whatever it's going to be so i think the specific questions how do grandparents play a role in toughening up the kids. i think a grandparents role is different. you're not always privy to everything that's going on in their life because you're the grant that you're not living in the home with them you're not seeing all of it and so far, grandparent, i think you always have to be mindful of that and keep the conversation. like i asked line. i check on now.

i say how is school going know how school really going our friends in your life you that kind of thing and just being super encouraging in the best way i think.

i say nothing about green passover. the best cheerleaders because sometimes it's up to mom and dad, say the tougher things and up to grandparents to cheer them on. even when mom and dad had to say you know what that was a tough game. you can actually play her best grandma can command and get the biggest and here's a bag cheat as in some water and great body. i love you so it is change a little bit anyway will we talk this all time. when we do shows on building resilient children. we think we have a responsibility with get grandkids to help them see that what i have found to be of that type of resilience is to really give my grandchildren bigger picture, because many times they look at us and and grandma looked like she'd never had these problems and their parents didn't have these problems that if they are involved in something that i can say to grant you know i remember when your uncle philip was this age and he was playing bow, and sometimes he would have a game like this whenever nothing went right, and you can liken that the adults around them that they they have not considered this yet. and this is how uncle philip would he would just decide exactly now telling them what to do. but your modeling for them when it jessica had this problem when your mom had this problem. she did the yes and i began to see how they wed third the storm and that helps them build resilience. let's move to probably the most important aspect heart thing for grandparent and really those of faith, those that have a christian faith because that's what it's all about.

so how do we help our grandchildren develop a faith in christ that provides eternal life.

so we believe that we embrace jesus and that's eternal life and spending eternity with him in heaven. that's awesome.

it is the whole ball of wax. or maybe that is an ongoing dialogue is the bringing jesus into the conversation it say a language of faith that i spake with my grandchildren way down. i have something during the summer.com grand camp, where i have come to my house and we just act crazy. it's like very much what happened that katie scamps dies in case That you are hard, but we incorporate say i have. it wasn't all that day and we might have a devotional that morning, guys. that's really short age-appropriate 10 minutes or something very short and will talk about jesus be in the light of the world that dan, i'm going to bring that out through the day. i'll bring questions to them and keep the conversation going about who jesus is and different things that were doing.

think what where we missed this is when we only take our children to church and they do not say jesus being a part of our laugh monday saturday and we taken to charge again. we do them a great disservice because now they're looking in the same way doesn't appear to be a really important part of your life. i will then have a different message.

i want them to say that you know katie lives in priest jesus there something here were right near them, but i do want to cover a couple things. one, you compare grandparents to superheroes. i like to know what super hero identify with.

one day they had superhero day at school and my grand daughter stated that levi talked about actually went as me, so i just was so amazed at that and just thought it was so precious and i got to thinking about the traits of a superhero and i for me. i think if i were to be when i would have to say wonder woman because that's what i want to be and i want to do and accomplish so many things in life and we were talking about this yesterday how sadie so much like me in that we just always have so many different things going going in life and i think sadie saw that this is using the six grade as a sixth-grader and said then i started developing that theme for this book about one of the things that grandparents do that are like a superhero, and so you know if you get the book you can read all those things but you know one of them is yes. i think superheroes are always out to do good and that's what grandparents did not mean that is our focus in life is doing that we've lived it all really done a lot of things and now what's left for us to do is to leave the good leave that legacy of god with our life and you both talked about building resiliency to the grandkids. you know, observing the parents. your adult children's wishes when it comes to what the outside of the let me speak to that community of grandparents were there, is connected and right at the end here. you know, didn't want a reminder, but we have current christian counselors.

you can call us to get more information but i know people are listening were it's gone wrong. they're not connected appropriately with her.children perhaps therefore they don't have access to the grandkids or others your strife in the family and their hearing this going.

i wish i have the playful spirit. chris you know what you just described and having funded grant camp but my kids and i or someone strange. for whatever reason i don't have a come to contact what advice to give that grandparent. how do they begin to mend that bridge so they can experience one of the greatest blessings in life.

i would just so encourage i like to state directly to that grandparent that's listening and almost emotional to speaking to you because i feel your heart and i know that it can be hard if you're not connected but i want to promise you that the lord wants that more than you do. he wants you to be connected with your family and with your kids with your grandkids and i would just so encourage you to partner with him to just go to him in prayer and began to ask him for a different relationship with your kids and grandkids and yet it is not just something a cliché or something to say that god does answer prayer and he is listening and so the very first thing i would say is pray pray about it and then own to what you have done on your own, your mass, the part of relationship that share mass on it because your kids need to hear. and that's the humility that the lord can bless, and then just so many times we don't say vocally what we won't vocalize that with your kids, you know i done this is where our own.

what's gone wrong, but i want something different for your kids and i want to be in their life, and i think those two things that humility and honesty and partnering Very thanks and partnering with jesus in their lives. i think that's where you begin so good. that's really adamant shall you do such a great job summarizing that in my heart goes out to grandparents in that situation as well and they had guests would say it may be just in a different way is do what you can do. the bible tells us to do what we can do as much as it depends on so make sure you're doing what it depends on you to do to make the situation better. and as we get older we get a little more stubborn holidays and set in our ways and sometimes when it is handled will talk with herself and saying now back up and do what i can do to make the situation better and i went think that the grandchildren out there who are wanting you to be a part of their life want you to do that. it's a challenge, but it's an amazing mission. you're giving the grandchildren are the ones that end a relationship with the child as grievances aside the bigger picture. and so the grandkids are the big picture in their relationship with christ is the big picture, planned about. so that's really good. chris and shelley over this fantastic thank you for such a strong reminder of the influence of grandparents in the lives of those grandkids and great grandkids. chris and i so appreciated.

thank you for being with us to enjoy the return to the listeners well and just reminder the focus on the family like to set a moment ago is here for you. we have counselors who can help and talk with you. we have resources like person shows great book and we want to get that into your hands, and i say this often job with your partner with us in ministry. if you become a monthly partner a one time jeff will send you a copy of the book is our way of saying thank you and if you can't afford it. we are christian organization. we want you to have the content will give it to you and will trust others will take care of the cost of that so just get in touch with us and let us know that this will meet a need in your life and that is what were trying to do here. focus were a phone call away and jim. i remember not too long ago we had somebody call and make a donation, but said i don't need that book but here's hundred dollars for at least three or four people be able to get the ball forward were asking you to do that if you can and if you're in a spot as jim said, we can't afford to donate to the ministry. just reach out phone call away. as i said 800 k in the work-family or click the link so it's sure to join us next time. as we hear from deborah per day offering hope and encouragement for those who feel stressed out. the bible says be anxious for nothing, and i'm thinking is anxiety anticipating a negative outcome have to remember that anxiety is anticipating a negative outcome on behalf of jim daly and the entire team.

thanks for joining us today for focus on the family i'm john fuller inviting You Back Your Family Dr. in Christ, just like a warm fireplace when it's cold outside and enjoy the Christmas season gives comfort and draws us closer to loved ones I'm John fuller and focus on the family is excited to let you know about our Christmas stories podcast. Each episode brings heartwarming conversations to bring your family closer together and remind you of the hope we have. You can enjoy the podcast focusonthefamily.com/Christmas store focusonthefamily.com/Christmas