Helping Your Child Build a Lifelong Faith

Imagine this scene is young teenage boy standing by the flagpole of the school utterly alone he thought his friends would join him for public prayer vent, but no one else showed up. Am I alone really where is everyone instead of walking away defeated, Hayden prayed asking God to use this embarrassing moment to help them reach others for Christ today on Focus on the Family were to hear how your son or daughter can become more like a Hayden the real-life witness for Jesus. Your house is focus president and author Jim Daly on John for John, one of the most challenging issues Christian parents contact us about his discipleship of their own children, moms and dads don't qualified to share their faith effectively. I know for Jean and I that at times was true just getting their attention when there 456 yourself can be a challenge that may be afraid of messing up the gospel leading your child astray who knows what the issues are discipleship was never modeled for you growing up that could be an issue that was certainly Jean and I wouldn't come from Christian homes or you might think the church and Sunday school should be enough to teach your kids that one day a week right it's not today were going to address those concerns and challenge you frankly to take on this responsibility because there is no more effective witness to your children then you mom and dad and that's why Deuteronomy 6 tells us to diligently teach God's word to our children when were at home when were walking along and throughout the day and the good news is you're not alone in the process. There are many organizations that can help you move that forward and we count it a privilege to do that through a number of ways. One way is bring your Bible to school day. That's every year in October that we promote and we anticipate really hundreds of thousands of students from grade school through college age that really celebrating and commemorating bring your Bible school day. That's tomorrow. Tober seventh and then question we have our limit challenges for families. We can do a deep dive into God's word and learn to apply principles can walk through day by day with your kids.

Learn more about the living challenges at our website link is in the episode notes or call us if you'd like more details. John we have some great yesterday who will help us explore the topic of child discipleship.

They are the leaders of well-known church-based ministry called Wanda which provides evangelism, discipleship to children between the ages of two and 18. That's quite a quite a broad rent. Valerie Bell is the CEO and Matt Martens is the president of Ravana and together they written a book called resilient child discipleship in the fearless future of the church.

Great title. Valerie met welcome to focus yet.

Let's get into it. Going back to the opening story. We share the John shared about Hayden the boy standing alone at the flagpole that you identify him as a resilient disciple for Christ.

Define what you mean by resilient in that context well recently into the quality that allows a person to abandon flax but not break under culture and sell at a less resilient Christian kid, would've walked right out of that. I think I would've liked that was embarrassed how old was he 15 okay I'm here. We are actually absent while sell that picture of this child who is a believer that the discipleship part because of so many things that are happening you address parents at the beginning they are feeling this mightily the secularization of our culture and the pool that has a knack it's so besides discipleship we added this culturally aware that word which is resilient, resilient discipleship, and the other interesting part of this that I want to play now is that the bending and flexing indicates that they are engaged in the culture so they are not protected to the point that they don't have to deal with these issues. They are out in it and we are really so interested and so passionate about teaching this generation of kids how to engage in culture better than we ever have. You point to the story of Dr. West Africa is a friend of mine, the former CEO of compassion international and then what a wonderful person and I've heard him speak many times is done Chappell here focus for the staff, which is that that sense of humility and then he had very difficult upbringing. How did his story. Grab your hearts well. Less is a gift to the church. He and I were in college to get a week of wave and so I've watched this and wished that I could have given him a different childhood. He was broken in his childhood and NM missionary home free kids a school where there was a lot of abuse of all different kinds that went on about what is been fascinating to watch is right at the place where he was broken.

I grew him strong and so he's able to minister to children.

All of the world with an understanding of the difficulties that they face.

And so you know that redemptive work of God to, and I think your stories a little bit like that.

I don't know if your listeners know this, but I read as a guest on your broadcast about your childhood was really really tough at that.

Look how creative God is at least a God is in the mess he's most creative at the places where we are not able to help ourselves and so with both you and Wes email God had a plan for you to minister to kids all over the world.

Basically how your pain.

I think in that regard. I mean, that's one of the more difficult questions I get after I speak you know people come up and no AFSCME you know I had childhood like yours, but how did you choose to let those things go. I have not been able to do that. It's a really difficult question and you just have to choose to forgive and let go.

If you've identified three bees for helping our kids become more resilient in their faith belong, believe, and become sure what those bees are and what they mean so the key there is when all three bees are present globally become a child's likelihood of becoming that and have an identity that's formed in crisis much higher. Please let me interrupt quickly before you go on with that because today I think that's one of the critical crises in the in the culture of young people word. I plant my identity and were seeing it all over the place right with all of the interest groups that have emerged, but in that context continues. Sorry but this is critical for your young person your child to know what their identity is what you get back to what does every one of our listeners want to we think about our kids and grandkids. We we lift our eyes to the future hopes and dreams. We once adults whose thriving in their life and their faith serving God. Absolutely. So these three bees belong, which is highly relational ministry, led by loving, caring adults. That's not only you as the parent of the grandparent Guardian that's acute larger church community faith that believe that's deeply scriptural ministry rooted in the truth of God's word and the power of the gospel and become that's highly experiential ministry that's getting kids out of a simulation world and getting them into real faith building experiences so you can the secret sauce. There is when all three are present their likelihood of being and I did have an identity of a resilient disciples much higher, so I'm a parent I'm evaluating hate. Are these happening in the life of my child so you brought out the word identity. Those three bees develop identity in Christ and still this will give you a sense of where our culture is okay sell these have common phrases.

We hear all the time. Love yourself you be you, my body, my choice follow your head, your heart good times try cleaning yourself.

That is the culture of individualism and the rise of me.

Yeah me and so this is a belief system that does not bow to any previous religion. It does not bow to anything other than a self you know something came out just a while back, and article I think was titled for Christianity and the premise was just that the churches lost its way. Because it's more about self-improvement and feeling good about yourself than it is about service and our attitude toward the Lord and toward the world around us.

Have you had time to process that the crisis that were sitting. I'm sure they and I think that were little bit of culture vultures. We have a 70+ year ministry that we began to examine very closely. We knew we could not just drift on into the check and see you know that required us to be aware of not only Alanis culture but the church culture in the secular culture, so this might interest you, as well as talk about Christian Smith is working to get this is worth bringing up. At this point because I think it's in here moralistic therapeutic DSM break that was part of the article you okay sell. He did this survey of broad scope it so it was some church kids some secular kids. He found they basically all believe the same thing and it was this moralistic therapeutic DSM there is five tenets that God created the world cares about the world. The second is that he wants us to be kind to each other and help each other.

The third is the main goal of your life is to be happy. The fourth is God will help you if you're in trouble, but otherwise he probably won't mess with you too much and it is that good people go to heaven.

Fascinating is that is what you find fascinating about well I think that the emphasis on being happy because it if you make that your objective your circumstances dictate your emotional response to God being an orphan kit that is not a good place to be a trust in the Lord regardless of your circumstances, you need to love the Lord love the path he has you on regardless of your circumstances. That's what the scripture was all that you just described. Valerie is describing a worldview that's forming an identity around hyper individualization Share that with three bees, which is a philosophy to form the identity of a disciple of Jesus Christ.

But let's bring this to some other data that's come out where the parents are aware of the troubling statistics were Christian families.

A high percentage of young people are walking away from the faith, I would think the partly this is emerging in order to keep some stickiness for the kids right which I don't think is the right thing.

But you know it's an attempt by believed to help young people not abandon the faith altogether. So you end up with that therapeutic you know that sounds very Christian in LA except there's no Jesus, there is no need for got for God, except when you're in trouble.

There is not this relationship is such a delight to be someone who follows Christ and has this enormous spiritual life happening inside well and you going back to Hayden in the first example use with the flagpole and he was the only kid that showed up in decided to just move forward and pray you mention your book that what children need a spine and heart, which I love is more like a football describe preparation versus protection.

Well, you know, I think having just come through an enormous learning experience in our last election, where we did not know how to talk to our culture very well. We just attacked them, and we attacked each other as well. We need to learn how to engage properly so spine says know what you believe that go across the bridge of heart, when you're going to talk to somebody about what you believe.

I'm still trying to learn this because you know I went I like go right for the issue that I after the Super Bowl all the years ago that that just lit up the testosterone on social media with Jennifer Wright, Jennifer Lopez, and secure the halftime show and so anyway I'm thinking we should speak to this because there's not less perspective on what that does to women who are watching and what happens as a result of it, but I did not mention it. It was a woman who wrote in a time when I just read what she welcomes this woman is so smart and she still prays and walked right into that mess of testosterone. She said this, I totally agree. These ladies are unbelievably talented. See the heart that she's compiling this page to and due to the success they have a ton of influence. I really enjoy listening to their music and movies, etc. there is no doubt their performance as last night turned at the Super Bowl. Testosterone, we have to be aware now here she's coming with the spine and she's going to come with more than her opinion all the time of the effects on our society and then she does the stats one in five women are survivors of rape, 70% of sexual assault happens to women before the age of 17.

A child is abducted every 40 sentence one in four girls and one in six boys are victims of sexual abuse, one in three women experience domestic violence when the facts are made aware you can't help but wonder why we continue to impose this kind of entertainment on people on our society. She got no push what were talking today with Valerie Bell and Matt Martens about their book, resilient child discipleship in the fearless future of the church.

I hope you're finding hope and encouragement in the conversation and I trust you look for copy of this book or website link is in the episode notes or call 800 K in the word family that I want to go back to the three bees and you did a good job defining about the really good.

The Col. of the take away. You know hopefully people are gonna want to get a copy of the book to the deeper we can't cover it all, but it got our attention. Her focus so that idea belong to first be which in some ways is having at least one loving adult in your life for me that was true as a football coach and you made all the difference. He called me out as a man, he pressed me to do better and he took me to church and took me to the fellowship cushion athletes camper. I gave my life to the Lord.

There was that one person in my life who cared speak to love those five a similar story. One of my earliest memories is the day that my dad walked out and left the house. I'm sitting in my bedroom floor is probably preschool age kid and I'm looking at my door.

The door was left open my dad's carrion cardboard boxes out his carrying coat hangers outs, but the hero of the day is my brother older brother five years old and you sitting to my left and he's reading the he's reading which children's books is putting in from my face, trying to distract you know so that was 8×8 used by these books in front of my face to do anything he can to try to shield me right will that's that was a defining moment clearly in our family's history. Fast-forward to my childhood when my earliest memories not probably not long from that's being at a church where man and a woman in children's ministry room in the church leading me to Christ. Fast-forward a few more years. I'm sitting in children's ministry would like to laugh about flannel graph I learned about the life of Jesus and the passport of my teenage years I got a pastor whose meeting in the park he's saying. Bring your Bible were breaking open the Scriptures take me out for ice going to softball games. His wife is writing me notes in where I thought my name was child support, divorce and custody. She gave me the name of Mercy encouragement leadership. She she helped me to see these other parts of the world of my world my future and there was a deacon in the youth pastor.

So what's the story here.

The story is, but there was a church the church stepped in my know my mom and my stepdad to the awesome thing of getting me to church right that they were so faithful they were generous people, but they gave me access to a broader community. So we say, highly relational ministry. This is what were talking about the Harvard Center for the developing child talks about this whole idea of resiliency a doctor say that trauma is really suffering alone but the Harvard study shows that when one loving caring adult has active presence in the life of that child to walk alongside them to the trauma they have a much higher success rate to thrive in their life into their future and that might be the answer to that earlier question, how did you choose the right emotional direction that might be simply that there were people in my life and your life.

Obviously that help this point and began to write, healthy direction. Valerie you had a woman grandma we this is my first girlfriend. I'm three years old. She's 80 something and CFF my BFF and she had either the good fortune or the ill fortune to live next door to and I adopted her when I see it. My mother had her nerve to have another child and so I found her and beauty of that was she's a fabulous storyteller. One of the first women in Illinois to graduate from college.

Her family were wheat and she was grandma Wheaton said they were in college. Dave established Wheaton College that she was a woman of deep deep faith and she told me her stories and they were Jesus centered, Jesus had done for children all the world, so it was very easy for me to be open to God. I had this fabulous girlfriend, then tear storyteller me and I gave me those things and and what comes across, there's time is your neighbor. She couldn't play me using a cane and I was very mobile and that this is an older now were empty-nesters and its client think I've kind of like a three-year-old adopted me now, so true, and I think is your unfolding this what I'm hearing and what is such a good reminder is we need to be engaged in the world around us. I think you know with an international ministry like focus. There's a lot of moving parts and that's it's large, it's hopefully influential, but it really comes back to what you, the listeners and viewers on YouTube. What what are you doing locally how can we help you. How can we equip you, but it really is your neighborhood and the ability for the church to get active. That's the secret.

I mean if we just stay on our walls were dead.

Spiritual. You know it's not this is simple. What we're talking about is so simple during cove. It now. These children need. They just need a good storyteller who can tell them about I would save an affair storyteller limited can speak them front row seat to let faith excessive troops. Let's let's move to believe, which is the second B. You say it's the essential step for creating resilient disciples today, why, why is that what belief is. This is getting us engage in the Scripture clearly ministry to children has to include strong engagement in the Bible is God's word is God's message answering the question, what is it we should believe yeah exactly. It is the Scripture as a solid site of epistemology is leading us in knowledge and truth was also a salvation in Jesus. But what's the reason were trying to articulate the so clearly that many churches I've use what we would call a Bible light strategy was, can quickly get you to moralistic therapeutic deism, so ideas like reading the Scripture aloud together. Some of these items are very basic but is your children's ministry or at home.

Are you ever reading the Scripture aloud together as a parent are you reading it to your children. Are we memorizing a first together.

Maybe it's a verse a month. You know something simple like that teaching our kids reading a verse together, then say let me tell you about a time when boy this didn't happen in my life.

This is painful and it is a what's happening there.

Your you're taking that relational piece in that scriptural piece in your merging it together and something special is happening there in those moments you appreciate what you're saying mad and I'm thinking about the general culture which doesn't leave the Scriptures and even in much of the Christian community. That's truth but it's only part of the truth because there's all this other stuff. So how do we sure kids that you we believe this and we believe it so strongly. But a lot of people you encounter believe the same way we help them with.

I would go back so it's one more thing here again go back to that Valerie did a great job painting this picture the broader culture that our kids are swimming and I think we got to clearly articulate what the gospel is from the highest level. The gospel is a structure of creation, fall, redemption and restoration. By the way, that just resonates with reality. Children naturally.

Intuitively, they know that someone made all of this. They know that right and that they also know something is wrong. You know that another's problems in the world. That's a false rebellion and this idea that someone has to save us from this, our Redeemer and then eventually one day he's going to make everything whole again that our cadet structure makes sense. It resonates with reality because it is the truth and that it is the message of the Bible. So if we can help kids to see this is only a collection of stories collection of values and virtues notice much more than that is the framework for reality.

That's what the Bible really is and in your work with the long as I may not believe component is really one of the core things you're trying to do right teach the kids that is often what we criticize flack that help memory of the Bible that same just before he came in here how many adults have told us you know I went through a lot.

I didn't know what those verses meant that they're coming back to me now as an adult constantly so the Scripture is not like other written things. It's a lot of lives. It breeds that one Scripture in his word doesn't come back for an example of that to live a woman whose secular. Now she was very proud of that. She grew up in a Lutheran church where she had to memorize a lot of scripture but she said it's the strangest thing I keep getting those verses back of my mind hound of Heaven's right well that's good let's let's end with a come. So that's in essence helping others in your world become disciples. I believe describe it for how that works in a child's life.

I think it's primary identity. It's Hayden at the flagpole. He has primary identity, not with his friends, not with other things that are happening around him. His primary identity was in crisis primary allegiance. Let what would you die for, what would you go to great lengths to protect what is precious what would you share with other people because it has so formed to you are so that is that formative place where we begin to see the Bible and that belonging begin to open the identity of this child in the world that is really well said something you said earlier that is ricocheting around in my head. Is this idea of spine and heart. I think on the parenting and we have to remember that as well. As we are trying to pray for kids point our kids toward a relationship in Christ and a life devoted to him. I think we need to be careful that it's not all spine and no hard even in our parenting and I see that my boys.

We've got to be principled with the spine but also loving and caring and I remember that as a parenting attribute so that kids don't have the justification of walking away because you're all about the rules and they see that is hypocritical or this is been so good. Valerie met we we have flown through this interview and I just appreciate so much your writing of this book resilient the child discipleship and fearless future of the church is hopeful it is and that we don't need to be fearing the Lord says fear not. That includes the future and the future for your children certainly concerned when they can't find a job.

You know it's it's something we need to do this. So thank you thank you so much for being with us. Let me attorney if you'd like a copy of resilient, I think it's one of those great resources. As a parent send a gift of any amount if you can make that a monthly commitment that would be outstanding.

It helps us to even out the budget, but a one-time gift helps as well.

So for either will send you a copy of this great resource as our way of saying thank you. Consider donating today when you call 800 K in the word family 800-232-6459 or just click the link in the episode notes and remember that tomorrow is a bring your Bible to school day were encouraging students across the land, take their Bibles as an act of faith in the Scripture and not to live out their discipleship. We have a lot of great resources for you about that online and we also have living challenge which is a more ongoing effort for you with your kids to diving the gospel all the details and speaking of tomorrow. Thomas joins us here on this broadcast with the challenge for both husbands and wives, and that's really what we look at marriage as is that it's not that one person is right or wrong is how marriage helps both of us become more right, more loving on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today. I'm John Fuller will invite you back next time. For more Focus on the Family as we once again help you family thrive in Christ