Offering Hope to Families Experiencing Drug Addiction (Part 1 of 2)

The 70s with all about rainbows. I see myself in the 70s from left-center and the Vietnam War was really big but here is kinda long over my ears to shoulder alongside unloved tie-dye bellbottoms were comfortable. I see big glasses being one of the things we did lose rollerskating one Sunday and mentally need to make some money magnetically time well those who grew up in the air of peace love and rock 'n' roll pretty fond memories about the music and the fashions and explosion of new ideas.

It was always counterculture and a lot of it was pretty innocent. I like the comment about the bellbottoms I was when the first kids in life was probably fifth grade class were built you had Bill by good land IVs platform shoe.

Let's stop there.

Okay you remember about the hides were Jean United relies on the what it was but you will remember about 70 II don't know is alternative. I was born to football elect and the stuff Jean, though she did the swap meet. She sold ditto jeans I think you remember Sonny is just crazy. Those are the years that have a lot of cultural upheaval was occurring at the time and you know were still kind of suffering from those outcomes. Those were the years were drugs and and partying really took root in the culture. The cost of the illegal drugs in terms of crime, lost productivity in healthcare is estimated at about $200 billion a year and then to that you can add almost another $80 billion because of prescription drug abuse. It is a tragedy right in front of us and we need to do more and more as the people of faith in this culture to talk about what's going on and why this is not healthy for everyone of us. And while the 70s had those happier moments. The legacy of drug abuse that you're talking about.

Jim is something we really do want to dial into. We have incredible story free today on Focus on the Family. I welcome to the program.

I'm John Fuller, your host is Jim Daly and it is you talk about some of the stats. Jim, I'm thinking the research is fairly alarming and yet there is this move and Colorado is one of those states to embrace legalizing marijuana which seems pretty innocuous. Until you realize some of the costs to the culture in the society and some of the downsides of hospitalizations in traffic deaths and kids who are inspired mortise smoke pot than to go to school. There are a lot of negatives to the drug scene and as you said it all, came together in the 60s and 70s were an address it. As I said with a couple of guests who have quite a story for you. They are Mac and Mary Owen and they experienced the horrors and difficulties of addiction firsthand and for more than 25 years they've devoted their lives to helping those caught up in addictions drug and alcohol addictions and to help them in their families find that road to recovery and Mac and barrier part of the national leadership team for celebrate recovery Mecca Mary at welcome to Focus on the Family thinking you had big smiles on your faces listening to that little intro.

We did a lot of memories of you guys you know in so many ways. When I read your book. Never let go. You left this I mean this is been your story and working to uncover it and dig into because it's so helpful and so relevant to today's culture. I mean not only are some of the fashions coming back is that a lot of the big guys on cars at the white platform shoes come in that closet, but also distant residual of the drug culture also seems to be coming back in powerful ways.

So let's get into it you two met.

I want to get into this how you met, because it is such a 70 story how did you guys meet well I was a junior, and he was a sophomore. What and that you are going for the upper-class women and I was in American history class and I got sent out in the hallway because I was talking too much in class. I was standing in the hallway was long hallway. I looked down and I see this huge looks like 20 4X diameter Afro coming down the hall and it was bobbing up and down and also I and he came walking by and he said hello and I said hello and I just loved his smile and his bright blue eyes that I need to get to know him.

Wow, you really captivated personality, but in the here thing worked for you work for where but that Mac what attracted you to marry well I just I saw her at school first to and I just while she is good-looking and I found out she was going to be going to a Christian summer camp because you know we were brought up in very good Christian homes. And you know that's been part of our story is that even when kids are brought up in good Christian homes I can make poor decisions that affect their life for their life. That's one of the reasons as a parent listening.

I want you to dial into this because so many kids who grew up in Christian homes. There's no moat around them. They go off to college or vocational training to be exposed to things and if they're not ready they could be snared by the enemy and this is one of the reasons were doing the program Mac.

Growing up in a Christian home sale and we were ready.

Like you said, because in our home. We didn't talk about real issues you know you went to church on Sunday. Moses showed up every Sunday you were faithful and you know you had your ticket constant for us were going to church, but we were living that whole different life. As soon as we got out and your parents didn't know that.

Is that fair or did they have suspicions but they thought okay Mary Mary's dad and mom. My parents did not that the kids I hit it well and I didn't smoke cigarettes rain that's I didn't have the smell me when I would come home like Mac did said they knew he was smoking cigarettes and start to get rebellious.

But I was a little more cautious. I did want to hurt my parents and I love my parents and but the peer pressure was so hard back then. I mean it was you know I wanted to be popular.

I want people to like me said if everybody was smoking pot then asked them to try to straight a student. Your good girl. That's how you know, the book describes you and you yeah top of the class. The hope that you are the poster child of a Christian home right and then Mac you, you were kind of becoming rebellious Mary to the beans.

There's beans what what was that line was living a Christian home. I then went to seminary. That's all we moved to Louisiana and so he was a preacher but I felt like I just didn't fit in because I couldn't talk about things that were really bothered me because if I did. You were supposed to talk about that being in a Christian home right now was the only one of my siblings that went down the path that I went down so again it could've been my vision that was skewed and not my my folks will let some cover that a little bit. What did that look like on Friday night for you in high school. What you you know you can be at church on Sunday but what were you doing Friday night, Saturday well Friday night and said actually it started on about Monday. Okay, you know, but you Friday night. We are looking for anything we could do to get out of the house and have as much fun week as we possibly could.

And for me having fun was smoking pot with my friends drinking coming back in the nick of time to beat the curfew. You know, so really it was everything that I could do to get away from my parents rule as I felt speak to that inability to have a discussion and how that pushed you. It sounds like, or the hypocrisy. Maybe because Christianity is not about perfection but sometimes we in the church are trying to project look at us were perfect and even sometimes were not trying to do that but it's what the statement is and you are having struggles with that as a teenager right you're going okay. It's not perfect, therefore the hypocrites if it is kind of what you have that's kind of what is filling it. It was like since we don't talk about feelings and more dealing with than accessing I must be the one that's not right. Okay, so it doesn't fit free so right, it doesn't fit for me and so for me to get away from that was a goal and I just didn't want to be a part of something that I didn't feel like was real and married a year sing this I'm sure you guys are out together you're talking about that. That's part of your bonding relationship. What you're saying in your Christian family. What Max seeing in his I'm assuming you talked about that was that part of the attraction to Mac that he sees the world.

Maybe in many ways, the way you're saying but I just didn't like his helmet, his dad, they would fight about his hair being so big and it was that I thought wow NLA is that the most important thing and another thing is no such thing as youth minister Stan our youth pastor. When I was in and I checked just everyone to church to get either into charts that the kids and the kids that went to church with many have you know where like backbiting and gossiping you know about each other and staff them when I met him and met his friends. They were all just so welcoming and like yes company let that they didn't care what where you are from what you did this come Find some on the weekends we go out in the woods and have a big bonfire and that had like a kegger to a beer and everything that he would just know I was like talking about anybody know I was doing anything main punches and find time listen to rock and well thought out what's wrong with this young go to church on Sunday morning, but there not be a real nice to each other on Sunday morning that on the weekends were having a fun time so I don't say you know will get to that I love.

I think the way this is shaping up as it's time to teach the parents a little lesson here so being parents now going through that what sent advice when you have you know a teenager and you have the struggle going on.

How can we be more real. As parents, and also be realistic about the importance of faith and how we transmit our faith to our kids, but do it in such a way that makes it desirable. Well, no subject can be taboo and we started raising our kids. That was our our motto anything. Our kids ever needed to talk about weirdness that I was open-minded about the discussion. Yet, no matter how uncomfortable we felt right.

There is plenty of times that we were like oh mother to talk about this. We make all my goodness, I wish they wouldn't tell us so much that we think that to ourselves but then in front of them we would not shock that silly would you listen yeah that's a good thing in your book.

Never let go. You describe some of the reckless decisions you made over the next several years. Your together but probably over the next seven years or so, for example, you had an unexpected pregnancy while you were still in high school. I'm sure that's painful what happened. What did you learn from it. How did it set your trajectory for the next couple years will give it was one of those subjects that we never talked about at home.

Matter fact I got a book when I was a senior in high school that was laid on my bed. When I came in everything I need know about sex from my parents. By this time we don't have child they didn't know they didn't know that. And in my home. We did know that my dad actually sat me down one day and tell me about the birds in the days until he was so uncomfortable. You know what he was trying and Mac and I will Artie have sex. And so I'm to sit in their thinking. You tell me something already nice. I think it's so important for us to talk to our kids when they're young L age-appropriate what they eat when they ask questions to answer them. So you know that while some we don't tell them something that they've already heard in school talk about that guilt and shame that you did experience some in the these are behaviors that the course growing up in a Christian home is going to sink the heart of every parent, but speak your personal experience there about what you really felt, and there's many years ago I know. But what was it like to go through that experience and what happened where did you go and how did you keep it from experience. Mary's mom had paranoid schizophrenia. So that's why when she said her dad sat down yeah I'm told her the story about six.

So one day her mom was in the hospital. Her dad was out of town, waited up at her house and it wasn't planned. We descended up there and next thing we knew we were having sex and was the first time for both of us so would like she was promiscuous and I never had sex before just happen because we had too much alone time and again I think is apparent if we ever tell parents something that's useful is it's okay to monitor your kids time alone with someone of the opposite sex right feel emboldened to do that and so afterwards I may immediately both of us were like what just happened and what if we just day and so I said we can never do that again and I know that was wrong we shouldn't of done it that Daniel couple days later Max thinking and I'll let let's try that again in-house height now now were not doing this anymore. Well the next month. I didn't start my. And now there's no way I got lots of friends that do this all the time and they're not pregnant so you can get pregnant after one time only surely that and so I waited four months before I went to the doctor about being in denial I just thought if I don't think this this is not happening.

And so I went to my dad one day and said that at some Italian and he was taken a nap on the couch and I knelt down to him and I said I'm pregnant and he just tears broke out in his seat as I knew I knew you where he sat Thinking if if you don't say it.

Maybe it's not. Maybe I'm just going up my mind that he sinking away, I'll love you all legs and will do whatever you want to date and I said well I talked to the doctor already and he knows our family knows mom's problems and he said your mother ever finds out about this it will put her in a mental institution for the rest of her life. As I tell my dad I said dad your elder in the church. Though Kiki on the charts that will put me up on stage and tar and feather me. I said I can't go. I've got to give my baby up for adoption. That's the only option there is and he said well I'll handle the private adoption and so he did and so I went down so I can go with my best friend and move in with him and stay with them to the babies born. My goodness and the feelings are so many emotions to go through right there had shame you're in a Christian home right.

Let me ask you about the friends I mean the parents hundred your friends parents treat you in that environment and they were so sweet.

Yes, they were good Christians and so swayed and they just work very welcoming and helped you they help me and I just stayed in their home and never went anywhere. Never went out and out into town or anything like that was only to keep it a secret.

I thought if I made it this far.

I need to make sure I got they with this and this happens Max drug addiction is really the opening here and I you know I don't want to keep coming back to that but describe your life at this time and even though Mary's, turned the corner and decided she wants to be healthy.

She wants to pursue God. She wants to have a good family.

She's married you, but you're not responding in the same way, which must've torn your heart of Mary, and I don't know know you're in the spot. Oh, I would put articles by his side of the bay ID and I'll help and he would read him then and I would ask him sometimes as what he thinks can happen to you if you don't turn your life around what's can happen if you die what he think you're going to get well and because I just thought he's got to turn his life around. He is, you know, but I really didn't know all that he was doing, but I just know he would live in for God when you're young wife at this time. I mean, 17 yet well 809 I think eating 1819 and 18. So you're learning a lot about what it means just to set up the household and your wife and and and Mac you're trying to live a life that you will have fun and just you know Joanna wanted her to be involved in it to, so it wasn't like I was just living my life I wanted to pull her along with me, even though she was like laying articles beside my bed and stuff. I was like hey come go with me. You know, is a description of tug-of-war actually were first married. I did go within the parties I partied with them during that time account went back down that red ticket because I want to be with my husband and have fun together and write all the people of the party like I was party like a sword to be around people but yeah, you know, just if I could encourage her to do something she would, but most times you okay so you're now you find that you're pregnant again.

Yes 7.yes… I think I shuts it down. This is it. I'm not going to parties anymore and that was kind of sad to not get to be with him anymore yeah because he left he kept telling times I would go but I just one party and everybody else drunk and high on thinking this is ridiculous out. I can't act in Mackie you describe in your book a story about your two daughters being with you to go pick up some drugs and that you can see in the book where you're the Lord's after you in these punctuated moments that grab your heart and maybe Mary was playing a role in that as well because her words were making since to but describe that story of what happened in that first in a twinge of some bigger going on right what our kids were both going to a Christian school girl even though I was out living this life I still knew that there was some better. I was going to hell to get to kids eyes point is that here is, and I accept the fact that I would make it to heaven but I didn't want them to miss out so but obviously there were still some time and there were I wasn't making good decision because I would pick them up at Christian school one day to bring them home about 30 minute drive. I decided to stop by meth dealer's house to pick up some drugs on the way home so I wouldn't be without and after I stopped there left them in the car may go inside Gitmo drugs come back out. By the time I get home. Something just hit me and I was just like how stupid can you really be and it was that it was a small moment of clarity. The large moment of clarity didn't hit till later, but that was that first little you know what I've got to do better, but still let me you know you I can think I've got to do better, but if my actions don't prove it, and they didn't. How much that I really wanted better. Yeah. So in that regard. To describe that the drug you sent me you started with pot, and eventually I got to more serious addictions if I could say it that way left with math and and other things describe what happened, why did you rationalize this would be okay step to go to meth method is a horrific addiction will you know here people, especially in Colorado now say that marijuana is not a gateway drug. And that's fine if people want to believe that but for me it was an everybody that I ever knew there was myth started with marijuana right so right. I think the evidence is pretty strong that it is right right and so for me it was just that next step, you know, hey, you can stay up all night step for several days at a time. If you want to that while this is really cool and so meth just became in there there's a lot of other drugs in between marijuana and meth but meth became that drug just clicked for me and I could stay up all night felt like I was being productive at our cabinet shop when in fact I was being very unproductive. But my mind was telling me all your get a lot of stuff done here.

Yeah sure Mary in that regard. What did you do to start to rescue Mac coming. Were there things steps that you took did you continue to nag if I can use that word yeah and I have come to church come to church. What was that like any relationship, what it figured out.

It didn't work because whatever I did not game or try to get into do family things together it. It just pushed him away even more so I solve it. Once I saw that that is not working to meet try to force him to turn his life around.

So what ideas I start working on myself and I just my relationship with God, got stronger and stronger and I tell Gus a God.

I am trusting Romans 828 that you say all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and I don't say one good thing coming out of this, but I'm trust in something good. You've got a plan and you are going to work something good I might not see it, till heaven, but I'm still going to trust you something to keep my spiritual eyes on you. Even though my physical eyes are seeing something totally dammit Mary, how hard was that for you. When I got into God's word reading his word every day seems I grew up my mother about Bible verses on 3 x 5 cards and take them up all of our bathroom walls.

Some of those verses will come back to me.

Remembering them as I thought. I think that's something you need to pay to I need to say those in my hand over and over so I just start saying different verses and write 3 x 5 cards and cam around with me and so every time a worried thought will come in my head I would say that Bible verse only thing I wish I would've had back then that I have now is you and I have accountability partners.

I have a sponsor, I will so afraid to tell anybody what were going to suck, but out of myself so was about to have a nervous breakdown. You know, just trying to do it on my own.

Just me and got ourselves down really believe God expects that he wants us to be in relationship with his people, and it would've been easier if I would've talked to other people in that instead of trying to keep it a sacred you remember to always of the 4110 that was that life was all verse my mother said this so many times. Do not fear, for I am weepy to not be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and I will help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I say he went to she said that's only task is you she had demons in her mind that made her fearful and she would say that out loud's speak that over us because she was afraid something was going to hurt us so that Scripture came back to me so I would say it out loud and is a good reminder. I mean, Jesus is the Redeemer.

That's the whole point of this program and I hope our listeners are getting that message today that God is at work in these situations, no matter how challenging or how difficult they may be. It's normal to be afraid and cry out to the Lord when it seems like there's no hope or that your situation will never change. But here's the good news.

You are not alone. God is with you and we want to be there for you as well. If you're struggling with some kind of addiction or you have a crisis in your marriage or maybe a prodigal child Focus on the Family is here to help. We have Christian counselors who will listen to your story. Pray with you and direct you to practical resources in your area so contact us today. Don't wait, don't remain in silence were here to help your family and our number is 800 232-645-9800 the letter a in the word family or you'll find a link to our counseling team and other helpful resources in the episode notes and when you get in touch with us. Ask us about Mac and Mary's book never let go God story of healing hurting lives.

This is a wonderfully encouraging story and were only scratching the surface of that today so I think you'll really appreciate this book a. In fact, I'd like to send you a copy when you send a financial gift to focus to help us in the ministry here and that's our way of saying thanks for being a part of helping hurting families, and Mac and Mary. We started to kind of peel back the early days but I want to come back next time. Because you had a near-death experience that drug-related that will kick off the discussion about how God begins to redeem you through Mary and through your family and how he got your attention finally.

So can we do that, you bet. All right, thank will make plans now to join us for part two of this conversation with the Owens and in the meantime, we sure would appreciate hearing from you. Make a call or contribute generously to the needs of the ministry online. Her number is 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 or you can stop by the episode notes for all the details coming up next time you'll hear how God began to intervene and Max destructive addiction to drugs and that. Until Mary came home in two hours. I felt old, was again at that point. That's when God, it is clear, small voice said what are you doing on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back. As we once were, help you and your family thrive in Christ and I knew my marriage was falling apart. I just did not affix. I felt like I would always be alone even if I stayed married at Focus on the Family's hope restored marriage intensively offer hope to couples in crisis so they can have and always dreamed for the first time I felt like my husband truly heard me. I received some great tools from the counselor said of change my life and my marriage to begin the journey of finding health go to hope restored.com today