How a Strong-Willed Woman Can be Used by God (Part 1 of 2)

Hi this is Jim Daly with Focus on the Family. I want to let you know about an online experience called sea life, 20, 21 in the six episode video series were sharing stories and encouragement that will inspire and empower you to live out your pro-life views. You'll also discover valuable resources to help you step up and get involved in the cause. This is a digital experience, you and your family won't want to miss all the details are Focus on the Family.com/sea life and I think the enemy to be just a little more wary is a strong-willed woman were not easily done and were not easily discouraged and when I'd easily swayed and if you tell us it can't be done with just tell you it hasn't been done yet. What we have some great encouragement today for strong-willed women and people who love them on today's episode of Focus on the Family hostess focus.

President Jim Daly and I'm John John. We won't name names, but we both have strong-willed women in our suite and in our workplace to and our guest Cynthia Tobias is going to tackle two common problems, strong-willed women face how to channel that strong-willed to fit God's purposes and how to find acceptance among church and ministry leaders who might expect a more meek personality. So let's get right to it. Just all right, here's Cynthia Tobias Christian teachers on today's episode of Focus on the Family. One afternoon, a big wolf waited in a dark forest for a little girl to come along carrying a basket of food to her grandmother. Finally, little girl did come along and she was carrying a basket of food are you carrying that basket to your grandmother as the wolf, the little girl said yes. She was so the wolf asked her where grandmother lived in little girl told him and he disappeared into the woods when the little girl opened the door of her grandmother's house she saw there was somebody in bed with a nightcap and a nightgown on sheet approach, no near than 25 feet from the bed. When she saw that it was not her grandmother, but the wolf's a little girl took an automatic out of her basket and shot the wolf dead tomorrow. It's not so easy to full little girls nowadays as it used to be that the fable by James Thurber written in 1939. It's never been easy for little girls really.

It's never been that easy. There are strong-willed women from the beginning of time and were not that easily fooled. The interesting thing about this and I give you little bit of background.

Why were talking about this and why the bookkeeping came about strong-willed women we get a bad rap. I don't know if you seen any books on strong-willed women that don't want to tame you but I haven't. We get a bad rap in the Christian world and in churches, if you're strong-willed, your kind on his pushy pushy broad intimidating.

I've had so many wonderful professional women say all you know what I use my talents and skills everywhere, but the church because I don't really feel welcome, there I feel like when I'm part of the church. What I have to do is is I have to do the Proverbs 31 woman thing which is I always wondered about Proverbs 31 because a man grew up in a parsonage and but I know I just never been the kind of person that can no cook cello and tilled fields in. I just thought if that's what it takes to be a Christian woman. I don't think I can do that is I don't idle. I love the women who do. I don't have anything against that bombast is not me I can't sell or knit or crochet or quilter scrapbook or anything like that and I just wonder if that prevents me from being a Christian is you and I have all the songs about the virtuous woman whose quiet and you know submissive and and I believe in submission not meekly doing what everybody says but but the biblical model of submission to your husband and submission in the church and I don't have anything against that. I just it's just I hasn't been what I felt like was me. I shared last night. I don't go to women's ministries things as a rule, because unless I'm speaking to know that just doesn't seem to be me. I'm just not in the fashion chosen luncheons and teasing and all the little options of crafting and aromatherapy in the knowledge stenosis, not me. It's soft and quiet and slow-paced and I want to hit the ground running when I have some fluff freedom on emergency medical response.

I want kayaking I want to know how to campaign on something that you know that strong. That scares some people and and I know there are other women like me but little by little he began began to discover where they are. You know we had a focus group.

When I was doing the strong-willed woman. I did a focus group in our church and it was a small group of us that met every week and I'd run the chapter stuff by Ammon. We don't talk and it was so wonderful to talk to other strong-willed limited unit.

That's what everybody needs a good friend where you can just look at him and going on, I mean I just have nod and one week.

This this woman that wasn't strong-willed, infiltrated because she was so curious to see what we were like in first of all, were all like prickly when she comes in because were so suspicious were so suspicious when you give us books and static you should read this. I think maybe you should work on your attitude a little prickly prickly with and then she came in to see what you guys would like some really didn't talk much, but when we actually did talk she would sit there and go. I can't believe you think like that, really, why would you do something like that will get her out here meaning get her out not to be ungodly but you know the whole thing for so many years and all along has been you know in order to be an acceptable woman of God that just sort of seems to be the stereotype, not my sister that's who she is and is waived.

As I was right in the book I was I was kinda struggling with the difference between strong-willed women and compliant women and I was thinking compliant was you know the opposite and I had all my notes for my chapter and stuff to read to write on the compliant woman. When I said that the computer I'm not kidding you.

God wrote the chapter, it was entirely different than any of my notes because you know what I found out compliant comes from the Latin and Spanish word completer which means to complete to fulfill.

To accomplish this the other hand left hand right hand and is not weak. It has nothing to do with weakness or insignificance or anything else and I was talking to my sister Beth and Jason will that's right. She said you're the trailblazer she's on the trail, Walker.

She said if there were only trailblazers. They there being empty trails. If there were only trail Walker's there be no new trails to place. She said it takes both and I appreciated that so much because my sister the trail Walker.

You know she's there when I go out on that limb. She's down there with a first-aid kit. If it doesn't work out, and supportive. It does work a hut and she didn't want me trailblazer, but she champions the trailblazers, I don't want to be a compliant woman, but I'm so thankful for them. I I rely so much on that and in that positive godly way we can complement each other is the edible secret. As we talk about the strong-willed woman is the same as a strong-willed man but it's cool to be a strong-willed man. It has not yet been as macho, that's pretty cool. Testosterone manly men I mean that's cool in a strong-willed man is that it's okay to be stubborn and but that's not cool and a woman so I wrote it for women because I think that there aren't enough of us stepping forward in the church to say you know what I think the enemy to be just a little more worried as a strong-willed woman were not easily daunted and were not easily discouraged and were not easily swayed and if you tell us it can't be done with just tell you it hasn't been done yet, and if there's somebody that has been told it is impossible who you gonna go to I go to the group a strong-willed women at the church and I said, they told me I couldn't do it me to sit on honey just wait. We are to find a way to do this I mean they're just there such a niche for us is way overdue. But there is a niche for us in the church now given this word of warning. I'm not talking about Christian feminism I was doing about strong-willed women in the men who love them seminar while backing this week we broke up into the men and the women in this one woman savant. Christian feminist long okay what is that mean she goes. I going in and I making sure that the churches pay attention to women and that they don't just have pictures of men missionaries that their wives and I'm demanding this and this and this and I'm thinking I just don't think you can use your strong will as an excuse to be obnoxious. If you truly want to bring honor and glory to God. I believe that he can use our strong-willed do that but I don't believe that it brings him honor and glory. If we use our strong-willed and obnoxious way and I believe in strong-willed women in the church. I believe that we have a place but I believe we get it, not by demanding it, but by demonstrating our ability to do it with a sweet spirit with a compassionate heart with a totally sold out life. God, that's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about a push. He brought I'm talking about a woman who has taken every fiber of her strong-willed being and laid it at the foot of the cross and willingly voluntarily given it to God to use however he will do you know how hard that is for strong-willed woman really to take all the power that we have over ourselves and give it up. No one can make us do it.

No one else can do it. It takes much more strength of will to back off a sum that it does to move forward. It takes more strong will to surrender than it does to control and when we talk about the strong-willed woman for God in a moment where you go through some of the characteristics but there are two very distinct women. The strong-willed woman with God and the strong-willed women without God. And when you have your strong will and you use it without God. It's trouble every time all the time in a really big way and nobody knows it better than us.

Now, even as a totally sold out strong-willed woman for God.

I have to admit to you. I walk a fine line really everyday I think is more of a struggle for us that it is been more compliant woman because I walk a fine line. You know righteous indignation so easily turns and indignation more than righteous and I just a minute and I don't mean to to run over somebody but you know I am sorry renovate will meet on the tracks anyway. I can so quickly without even thinking, my tongue can turn sharp my attitude can turn bossy, I can become so pushy and the only thing that keeps me on the straight and narrow is the fact that I have given God control and permission to pull me back and hold me accountable because if I use my strong will as an excuse.

It isn't glorifying to God, so I'm not talking about empowering women to say woman hear me roar. Strong-willed deal with it.

I'm talking to women and you know who you are with all of our hearts. We have wanted to do this we want to be sold out to God, but people have pushed us into a corner sometimes and said you're not a Christian because you don't and you can't do this because you can't and we start feeling like there's something wrong with this and we spent so much of our energy being defensive of who we are that we don't have any left over for anybody else you know what happens when you find out that it's that who you are is who God created you to be in that it's okay we have more energy left over to accommodate other people because it's not that I won't do what you say it's not that I refuse to obey. It's how it's communicated to me.

It's how we walked together. It's how and and I'll redo at the end.

The Proverbs 31 piece out of the message that finally spoke to me and said it's okay if I voluntarily give you my strong will you don't have trouble with me. If you fight me for it. If you wrestle it away from me, you'll never get you'll never get it and we are driving many strong-willed women and kids out of the church by wrestling away from them. Many of them, and there's a huge niche in the population.

I'm willing to guarantee every single one here churches. There is a population that you are missing a bus, strong-willed women were not common to women. Thanks. No offense, the fine is not come. I was just a church last week and they had, you know how I would come if I'd been in town because they did for their women's thing they did the savvy traveler how to pack a weeks worth of clothes in an overnight bag.

Now were talking now were talked in what they do during the summer for their women's ministries. They feed needy children in the in the neighborhood and they feed him all you got you, you donate time between 11 and one for one week at your summer. Now you talk now you talking outcomes. It is not that I'm not compassionate. I want to do it. I want to be part of it. You can pick up the pace enough you could offer some things with a little edge and little relevance and you gotta stop being afraid of me.

I'm not trying to take over be intimidating. You need to give me something to do because I want to be involved. Now how many of you already know you are a strong-willed woman and you want to live for God. Do you not we do and the nobody does it better or worse, it can go really.

Either way, all family talk about mentoring the younger generation of strong-willed women. It's never been more important because you watch you look at those young girls and when they get to be about 13 or 14 is thinking oh my goodness they are headed for so much trouble if we could start as early as possible and instill in them the idea that this is who God made you to be, but he wants to use it. He wants to use it. I do substitute teaching at my children's Christian school when I can. When I'm in town and them because I always want to stay in the classroom enough to make sure I'm still right and talk to the kids and be with them in last year there were all one of the biggest troublemakers in the whole school was Nina. I mean she Christian school or not she made it her business to disrupt everything and bring everybody along with her and she was just terrible and I substituted for this one class and she and a couple of her girlfriends were in their you know trying their stuff now and being really smart Alec can always just a bunch of volleyball. While Bob on soap libraries work my I walked over to the Nina and her friends in my I brought a copy of the book with me and I said no Nina I'm a strong-willed woman to because it lets me where all strong-willed women. I said them. I give my strong will to Christ years ago because I'm not ready for that. I said I understand, but only give you copy this book and I'm to pray for you every day by name, every day that God will use your strong will, in a way that brings people to him. Instead, it drives them away.

She did say word to pick up that book and I know for sure she read it because she got me a couple times in the hall afterwards.

I'm not saying there is a night and day difference right away but see instead arguing and screaming and railing at me. Maybe I was the first person who said I'm not to push into it. I shall let you know I will love you enough and pray for you enough that God will use you in a mighty and powerful way.

Because the world can be changed by one way or the other it's going to be see. We don't let the world change us much, but we can sure change the world. Let's look at a few ways to find out how many of us, maybe are more strong-willed than we thought and each one of these traits.

I kind of put what the upside is and what the Darkside is when I write the book 111 guy.

So what you put white for some in the book about the Darkside Darkside. I simply get enough about the Darkside will have Darkside so defensive. Then I got to thinking about me, but if there is a Darkside.

It's the side without Christ. It's the side where I don't let God take control of it and there are several places where it can go either way. For example, as a strong-willed woman and and this comes as a result of talking to hundreds of strong-willed women just like you. All of us said deep in my heart there is a desire to make a difference.

I do not want to leave the world the same as I found even if it's the smallest little corner. I want to make a difference.

I want to step up. I want to make a difference.

I want to change the world. Now the Darkside of it without God. I can do anything just to be different. I can make people miserable. I can rebel I can be horrible but the upside is I want to change the world with my whole heart. I want to change the world. I'm content.

And this is a big when I'm not content to coast. I have to keep pedaling. I have never met a strong-willed woman yet who was lazy I just have they don't sit Marshall poppers that only bonbons they don't lay around on the couch wondering what in the world are going to do next because her sorter board, if anything, we are driving other people crazy because were going okay so let's do this so can somebody be don't send somebody be doing something because I could week. It's the wrong thing we could just another thing I become a go ahead and do this either by just talking about it. Nobody doing it now. The downside is we content to be calm and come across rather inpatient because we just don't understand why everybody is snap until it let's go get a grip. Get over it. It's hard for me to remember that God couldn't possibly have designed us all to do that because the world would be like frantic we would all be at such a breakneck pace that there would be no relaxation for anybody in there be no break to it.

I'm terrible at being patient.

I'm terrible just waiting around. God works with me all the time on that and I hate that patient isn't a gift I can't it be a gift. Why does it have to be a fruit of the spirit.

I wanted to be because if you pray for patient you know what you get all the things that were patients and you or not.

And without God in the wrong direction. Again, I just live in a constant state of inpatient move move move move move move move push in my family push my friends push the church push, push, push, push, push, push, push, that isn't the way to bring honor and glory to God, but it is a way that I can easily slip into if I don't watch myself I need to tell you, I've made myself not only accountable to God, but to my family and a couple close friends.

I have given them permission when they see me not go in the right direction to give me some sort of signal like you know keep a sense of humor will not take criticism from everybody very well at all, but the people I have empowered to give it to me.

I handed to them willingly every strong-willed woman I believe needs at least one accountability partner like that someone you trust someone you were asking deliberately keep me honest, sometimes I get carried away and there's no way to pull me back need to just be there and just remind me I'm giving you that authority and giving you that power.

That way I don't have to resent the rest of the world for one to step in and do it. I need to be involved become part of the solution to compelling problems you none, especially as a kid I don't want a list of chores to do.

I want compelling problems to solve. If there is a compelling problem to solve for which a solution is my taking out the garbage. It is much more likely I will take out the garbage than if it's just my job.

I want to know what's the point when I was doing a principled thing a while back if her private schools.

One principal, saying they had a terrible time with their dress code. They were having all kinds of problems. One teacher even quit because they were to make the dress code for teachers to an ISA will first of all me ask you this.

I said, what's the point of the dress code. Well, the school board has decided that we now need I know I know but me.

What problem do you have that the dress codes we haven't really talked about that. I said what how many kids are on the panel that's discussing what the dress code should be will not. Okay, so let me get this to hate you don't have a compelling problem you're trying to solve that you can share with us you not including us in the whole decision-making process and it's being handed down as an edict on high is as yet that's pretty much it. I said, you are doomed. He said I know but we've already printed it all up and were not going back. I don't have to tell you, when I talked to him a few months later, it was disastrous. It doesn't mean that I will follow your dress code. It means that you don't just hand down edicts on high, but that you involve me in the process.

If I am involved in the process you have a thousand times more likelihood of getting it accomplished.

Now the way it can take a negative direction.

We get a little nosy because then there's no such thing as none of our business. You know, we put our nose, and everybody's business. That's without God we do it so easily. It comes naturally.

Don't think it does come naturally. You know you walk by somebody and I have an apology, just stop and you just write him a were so good at it, the church is handed to me. I can solve wow no wonder they don't want to surround only act like that. It's it's the dark side, the side I have to fight myself on to resist and let other people have good ideas to an end, to be asked to do it and not always insinuate my position and my opinion it's no wonder they don't want me around. I do that all the time because we have we have a woman in our church that does this. I know you do too. She criticizes every single Sunday school teacher. No one can do it as well as she can and everybody you know when she walked down the hall. America's whole, but you have one of the mothers like is now like a parent that you just read many just read when she brings her kid around critic on all me or she says I just need to talk to about one of your teachers.

We can be so obnoxious without God. I have no reverse gear on the drive. If I have to go backwards I have to go around the block to is when I'm out there, man. I'm out there no reverse gear I stand. I know the branch won't support me but I'm staying out here till I drop because I have a reverse gear, and not have any other options of their a.m. and it's either go to work or it's not that can be very positive, but you can see what the negative is push forward no matter what no matter what the cost bulldoze everything in my way, do it, no, take no prisoners, no holds barred. Go for it. I am a human bulldozer.

It's so unattractive but it comes so naturally it does come naturally. My carnal nature takes over just just like that it can take over unless I have totally sold out to God and then it even still creeps back that I have to go back go back go back because with my whole strong-willed heart.

I want to be his eye. One to do it for his glory and it doesn't come naturally superior to buyers has been our guest today on Focus on the Family explaining the positive and negative traits of a strong-willed woman and I will continue this presentation next time.

John Cynthia has such a great perspective on this as a strong-willed woman herself. She understands that struggle between self-will and God's will and I think when it comes to God's will that something we all need to be sensitive to and work in tandem with know about you John, but I can tell you the times that I've made a big mistake are usually the times when I did not seek God's will for the situation. It's so easy to just act out of what we think is can be the right thing without pausing and just asking God what do you want to hear well and following God's will is something that we should be modeling for our children as well.

Let me remind you Focus on the Family is here to strengthen your walk with the Lord help you have a strong marriage, and for those of you who are parents we want to help you in that journey as well. And of course we need your support to continue this important work. You can become a part of our profamily team by making a monthly pledge. It doesn't have to be a large amount. It's the consistency that really helps us month to month and when you make a pledge of any amount that will send you a copy of Cynthia's book on this topic called a woman of strength and purpose, and if you can't commit a monthly pledge. Right now we understand we can also send you the book for a one time gift of any amount, but the main thing is get your copy today and you can do that by calling 880, family, or follow the link in the episode notes to donate to the work Focus on the Family and request your book while you're online with us or have us on the phone. Be sure to find out more about the focus app we can access our huge library for content and it's not just this broadcast next time we'll hear more from Cynthia Tobias. I've been through some terrible personal crisis last couple years, and there more than one time when I got up in the morning and said to the enemy who in the world you think you need your strong will and times like that, on behalf of Jim Daly in the entire team. Thanks for listening to this Focus on the Family pocket, take a moment to give us a rating sure about this episode with print really helps spread the word about the lime John Fuller inviting back next time your presentation from Cynthia once more help you and your family thrive in Christ here asking people to define the word appreciate it's like when something goes up in value. It's telling someone they did a good job Focus on the Family invite you to give a gift, appreciate when you give a non-cash gift of stocks, bonds or mutual funds. You will avoid capital gains tax deduction and help families thrive for generations to come. Find out more about non-cash gift. Just visit planned giving.com